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[thenightwingx]

[thenightwingx]

[middle-of-crash-and-fly]

Break through

Mental break through

Not like praying through

In church where it was a bunch of

Theatrics, bullshit- disguised as change

In the hearts of helpless hopeless teenagers

Who "have a real good idea"

Of what "okay" "correct" And "normal" Are supposed to look like

Realizations like- why do you have friends

You're treating like family? Like people who

Are supposed to maybe love you

Despite you being a prick?

I think maybe that's how a family functions?

Couldn't tell ya-

Because my family taught me a long time ago

That if you're unwanted or unwelcome

That's all you are.

It is just what it is

So friends are friends

And family is.... well it just isn't

Because everyone wants to be married to their best friend

Everyone wants a group of friends

That are their family

Everyone wants their friends to be their family

But anyone who has actually got a family

One that loves them and tries to build that

And still can't be happy with that- well,

Your friends aren't going to fill that hole.

And if your family refuses to be decent enough

I promise you aren't going to be desperately trying

To fill their place.

You're a whole hole- a whole asshole really

An endless fucking black hole

Swallowing all the love anyone could give you

God- to be a never healed wounded soul

To yalp for attention- to scream for help

Unhappy with the solutions presented to you

What a hollow existence, to be laying in

The doctor's bed- to be treated but

Reject the healing-because you want

Your friends to be the medicine

That saves you

Let your friends be your friends

Because family is a heavy burden to carry

Don't be hollow, don't be empty

Don't force a love that does not exist

Because if it never was, it never will be

And if you find it in a friend- a friend not a lover

If you genuinely find family in a friend-

Guard that, protect it

Don't hoist burdens upon it that

It was never meant to bare

Because once the water washes away

And there is no blood- nothing fresh- certainly even unstained

There is no vow, no memory, nothing that remains

Then you are left with nothing

A friend dressed up as family

Will leave a family sized hole

When they leave

And they will

Oh they will leave

And you will feel like you lost so much more

Than just a friend

And that pain will he so unnecessary

Just like it was

When you truly existed

As a person without a family

As a person without friends

[thenightwingx]

[thenightwingx]

Fighting makes me feel at alive.

[thenightwingx]

The last few weeks have been a bit rough. Lots of change in my life. But here's some light sparring after some harder rounds with a very decorated boxer friend of mine.

This sesh helped re-light my fire and re-align my fighting spirit

[thenightwingx]

Light sparring to end the week.

My focus is on maintaining defensive responsibility, not trying to be too open while on the offensive. My homey's is to be a little less gun shy.

[thenightwingx]

Combination work from yesterday. I'm still making lots of mistakes - namely not maintaining defensive responsibility mid/post combo.

I was never really one with great cardio, but I'm trying so hard to stay mindful when the fatigue sets in.

But otherwise I'm glad I'm getting into a more solid flow, and those body kicks are really landing flush.

[thenightwingx]

I've been super focused on getting my kicking game back together, it's caused me to neglect head movement and my boxing.

Every day I try to improve a little bit. Not feeling super great today, but skill is the fruit of discipline. The heart of discipline is consistency.

[thenightwingx]

Going ham, my boy is in fight camp. We're on the grind now, baby.

[thenightwingx]

No breaks over Easter. Fun sparring rounds after heavy bag work.

[thenightwingx]

Officially back on my bullshit. Thailand here I come.

[leonardospoetry]

[alienaided]

It’s weird when you realize the person you once told everything to now has no idea of what’s happening in your life.

[perfectfeelings]

[perfectfeelings]

[mattelektras]

bet me i can’t do it. doesn’t have to be a lot of money. even just, like, a penny. no. bet accepted.