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@theorchestraroom
Conductor: I’ve noticed some people have been missing rehearsal. If you do, don’t send me an email saying ‘it’s okay I’ll make sure to practice.’ We all know it’s not the same as rehearsing with the ensemble…
Violist: Instead, just don’t practice
Conductor: no-
Conductor: Trumpets, let’s start at measu-
Trumpet player: No
*samsung ringtone goes off*
Conductor: That’s not on the program.
Conductor: That was great uhhh… *gestures towards cello section* whatever you are.
Conductor: Let’s start three measure from the end… wait no five measures… no six
Violinist: Do you wanna just start from the beginning?
Conductor, repeatedly hitting the record button on the camera remote: I’m very technologically advanced, as you can see.
Conductor: We’ve got a kind of new room. Still have these big windows that no one’s broken... yet.
Violinist: Really sounds like you want us to break them.
Conductor: You were rushing and leading everyone off the cliff with you.
Tuba player: Hey, at least i’m a leader!
Conductor: Right, now we all hate Jeff Bezos. However, I did order a little microphone and speaker so you all can hear me through my mask.
Tuba player: *playing Minecraft music during break*
Conductor: I need more intensity. I expect you to be shooting lasers out of your eyes.
Tuba player: Sorry, that’s only on Thursdays.
Conductor, to tuba player: You keep playing off beat.
Trombone player: If it means anything, I was trying not to follow him.
Violist: *coughing*
The rest of the section: *turn to look at them*
Violist: I don’t have corona virus.
Cellist: *sneezes*
Violist: Bless you.
Conductor: No blessing in music.
Conductor: *ranting about how people need to be writing in their music*
Percussionist: *quietly tuning the timpani*
Conductor: God? Is that you?
Conductor: *throws wallet on pile of stuff*
Cellists: *turn to look*
Conductor: Don’t steal that you filthy criminals.
Conductor: Alright, one more time. Preferably in tune.
Tuba player: I can play it half an octave lower if you want.