An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 8/?
Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Andy Kang/Main Character (It Lives In The Woods)
Characters: Main Character (It Lives In The Woods), Main Character (It Lives Within), Ava Cunningham, Lily Ortiz, Noah Marshall, Andy Kang, Dan Pierce, Lucas Thomas, Stacy Green
Additional Tags: Time Travel, Self-Harm, Asexual Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence, Panic Attacks, Use of the word Crazy by Mentally Ill Character, not exactly internalized ableism though, Social paranoia, Somewhat Unreliable Narrator
Series: Part 1 of Time Flows
Summary:
Lance had been a corpse battery fueling Ruben's Power trip for decades, so when Ruben came back to make a deal, he had nothing to lose. Now, he's back to the start of senior year when everything went hell and he's ready to make things right. Of course with his past issues turned present, his not-quite-friends disbelieving of the supernatural, and his mind forgetting that he had time travelled at all, is he just fighting fate?
The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizable—especially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
Creating It Lives Within was an incredible honor, and we're so proud of what we made. That said, because we released the game as we were writing it, we never had the chance to edit it as a single, cohesive work. And looking back, there were a lot of things I wished I could fix.
It Lives Within: The Obsidian Cut is my chance to do so. In addition to cleaning up pacing issues and strengthening weaker arcs, it also includes:
New art
New audio tracks and sound effects
Robust character customization
All-new scenes
Hundreds of new personality-based dialogue variants
A new MC hobbies/interests mechanic
Post-ending bonus episodes
Open code to let people edit their sprites and help others learn from our code, if interested
And more!
Keep reading under the cut for more details 🔥
Note: It Lives Within: The Obsidian Cut is a separate app from the original game. The original will remain available on our itch.io page, alongside Obsidian, under the name "It Lives Within: Legacy Edition."
CHARACTER CUSTOMIZATION
NEW BODY TYPES
It was always our ultimate vision to include more body types. Now with our improved skills, we are happy to announce FOUR new body types!
Feminine Slim and Masculine Solid
Masculine Slender and Masculine Full
UN-GENDERLOCKED HAIRSTYLES
As the eagle-eyed may have noticed in the above screen shot, we also now have resized ALL hairstyles for ALL genders, for Devon, Harper, and Rowan alike. You can also now pick Harper's clothes!
BETTER ACCESSORY CUSTOMIZATION
Glasses, piercings, and earrings are separated so you can now mix and match as you please (example in the video below).
NEW HIJAB OPTIONS
New hijab options, plus you can now pick ANY hairstyle with the hijab, not just hairstyles that could be layered under the hijab without peeking out.
IMPROVED USER EXPERIENCE
This video will showcase:
Revamped settings UI (you can now delete saves in game!)
Item descriptions and page tabs
Easier to navigate closet
Improved accessories selection
Background panning
Improved game animations
Auto-hiding settings buttons for a less cluttered screen
GAMEPLAY ADDITIONS
PERSONALITY SYSTEM REVAMP
I have meticulously gone through the game and adjusted countless dialogues and sprite reactions to help the three personalities (genuine/sarcastic/aggressive) feel more consistent. No more weirdly upbeat grumps or overly sarcastic sweethearts. You'll feel your MC's personality at all times - not just during menus.
INTERESTS SYSTEM
The Obsidian Cut gives Rowan the option to pick two hobbies or interests: a primary and secondary trait.
These interests will occasionally influence automatic dialogue, give Rowan unique dialogue options, and alter how certain scenes play out.
NEW SCENES
Let's just say what's the point of releasing a new edition if there aren't some new scenes? Have some teaser screencaps, and know there's more where that came from!
NEW OUTFITS AND SPRITES
Lincoln has new, meticulously hand drawn tattoos. Noah's new outfit was also drawn from scratch. While his outfit will be consistent throughout the game, Lincoln's is an alt that is worn on occasion. Other sprites and outfits may have been edited, but these two were the biggest jobs.
In addition to that, we also have some completely new creature sprites, and the final game product will showcase a some updated CGs as well!
BONUS EPISODES
And last but not least, you'll get to play some additional episodes following the end of the game:
The Beach Episode: Lincoln invites all your friends to Seaside, Oregon, for a group vacation. Mixed and blood routes.
The Shadow Episode: Amalia's graduating, and her friends are there to support her. Shadow route.
Because of the massive number of variants possible upon reaching the end, there will not be an additional episode for any of the other endings.
OPEN CODE
In addition to all these new features, we will be leaving the code open. As such, it will allow players to customize in-game sprites, so have fun editing and putting your character directly into the game! We also hope that the open code will be educational for anyone interested in making visual novels or Choices fan projects.
IN CONCLUSION:
It Lives Within: The Obsidian Cut is an edited alternate version of ILW that will be released in the next few months, started because I wanted to edit the game. It includes new art, scenes, game mechanics, and a streamlined user experience. That said, certain lines of dialogue were changed and other scenes were cut during the edited process. If you find yourself missing things that were in the original but are not in Obsidian, feel free to stick with It Lives Within: Legacy Edition.
Excited to share my work with you! Thanks for your support, and happy Halloween!! 🎃👻
This chapter introduces the parallel narrative of what happened ten years ago. How does this serve the story? Do you think it's stronger than one single flashback or learning about it by someone discussing it in the present would have been?
Different characters have different reactions to MC wanting to meet up and talk about the pap rally. Why do you think that is? What can we tell about each character and their traumas from their reactions?
What are some of the inter-group dynamics you can pick up on in this chapter? For example, MC didn't already have Stacy's number, which suggests distance. Stacy chews out the entire group for not being there for Dan, implying that she and Dan remained in contact but not with the others.
Do you have any headcanons regarding the group dynamics at the beginning of the book?
Did you take any diamond scenes this chapter?
Feel free to reblog with your answers to the questions that interest you, make your own posts, or join our It Lives Within discord server and talk about it in the #book-club-2025 channel!
I think it is absolutely stronger than discussing it or having one long flashback would have been, it immerses you more into the MCs memory and reasons why they feel so strongly about fighting Redfield and protecting their friends, its also more present in the story than a story they remember, one way I took it was as the MCs memories replaying in their head before the start of every chapter, I think even one of them has the past scene lead into a nightmare in the present to suggest how much the MC holds onto the past
Lucas was the biggest holdout which I think stems from him having the most responsibilities that he can use as an excuse to hide from what happened, Stacy is someone who I think she would say "lives in the real world" and shoved the past away as much as she could, Andy too in a different way of "I have other problems", Lily I don't think ever believed Redfield was imaginary but wanted to, Noah obviously not, Ava too in the way of learning to protect herself from anything like Redfield
I definitely think Stacy and Lucas were the most distanced from the group aside from Noah. Ava and Lily could maybe have a bit of friendliness with each other with their bits of banter. Andy comes across as the friendliest and maybe the most willing for reconciliation. Stacy i think feels guilt over Dan, seeing as they had stayed close and her lashing out feels almost internal? Something I picked up on when playing was how she says something like "Well now it's too late" after Andy talks about how he could've helped Dan, which could be nothing or maybe she's worried Dan...did something permanent,
it changes from MC to MC too with their different hobbies that can put them in the others orbit, for Reina and Lance, they both isolated themselves from anyone, for somewhat different reasons, Reina I think has a 'wave in the halls and make small talk at assemblies' relationship with Lily, Ava, and Andy, but still very much at a distance, Lance doesn't even have that and will sprint in the opposite direction of the group when he has the leg room. Weirdly I think Lucas and Stacy might have had the closest relationship outside of Stacy and Dan, even if it was seeing each other on the dance committees and arguing over colors and dress code, I have an image of Lucas saying "There's a theme Stacy! We agreed on the theme!" "Well, it's a stupid theme, President Hairgel!"
I got Lucas' coffee scene and am dragging Andy and Ava to the woods
What was your experience when you first saw the famed Dan CG in the opening?
This chapter does introduces the main cast ad the concept of nerve scores. What were your first impressions of each character? Of the nerve score mechanic?
What was your initial reaction to meeting Britney, Jocelyn, and Cody?
For those who played It Lives Within, what is it like seeing Jocelyn again the way she was in It Lives in the Woods, considering her character goes through some dynamic changes in ILW?
What diamond options did you choose in this chapter?
Talk about your MC! Who are they? Name, appearance, hobbies, history - whatever you have on them!
Feel free to reblog with your answers to the questions that interest you, make your own posts, or join our It Lives Within discord server and talk about it in the #book-club-2025 channel!
I have the memory of lying in bed at midnight playing this fun new game, wait its getting creepy, oh no, ZOMBIE. So, scared the hell out of me, and I switched over to play royal romance, by the time i went back to it i was so on edge just waiting for another cg like that, its been a bit, but i dont think there is one in the entire game which is relieving and lowkey disappointing
I love the concept of the nerve scores, and they scared the hell out of me when I first saw them, but...they don't actually matter so much in ilitw which is a bummer, I really prefer ilb's take on the system as for first impressions... Connor: is he gonna kidnap us? mystery man, don't drive away, at least offer us a ride!
Ava: Cool person!!! First goth id seen in choices, can we date her? Does she not like us? Is she a witch witch or does she just say that?
Lily: Sweetheart, please don't summon the bullies, also who has a 4.5 gpa and dresses in anything but a hoodie and sweatpants?
Noah: what did we do? does he hate us? do we have beef? is it our fault or his fault?
Lucas: Now thats a love interest, do we really want to date the student body prez though? to be seen
Stacy: OOH a nice cheerleader? I like her, does Britney make her nervous?
Andy: HIM HIM HIM, that one, Devon we're dating that one,
Bonus Dan: why are you texting us at 3 in the morning, why are you climbing in our window creepy Romeo, Oh god please don't kill us!
3. I hated them very much, and continue to do so in every replay, there is very visceral rage reaction to seeing their character models, i just can't with people or characters who are dicks for the sake of it, i'd foolishly hoped we wouldn't be dealing with them much in the book, but we did, not that that was a bad thing,
4. Jocelyn is complicated character for me, see above, as much as I like her character development, there is something grating about her, maybe i'm a little too attached to my devons though and i played as girl in my first run making Jocelyn her main antagonist so just blegh
5. none on the og run, but for this one i had to talk to my girl Ava, no outfits or hair though, the MC im playing doesn't use the diamond options
6. in total i have 8 ilitw MCs, 8 ilb MCs, and...more ILW MCs, for this run i decided to go back to my roots and play with my first MC renamed Reina from Devon (revamped over the last couple years) while also exploring the bad options with her sorta-foil Lance, through other people's playthroughs, think i'll make a separate post for them,
Hello, everyone! Sorry for the last minute getting this set up. But I'm finally ready to post our It Lives book club info 💕 👻
Reading Schedule:
We will start Saturday, September 6
We'll be reading four chapters a week.
It Lives Beneath will follow the same format and begin on October 4.
It Lives Within will also follow the same format and begin on November 1.
Essentially: We'll read ILITW in September, ILB in October, ILW in November.
How it works:
Each Saturday, I'll post a few discussion questions and polls for each chapter. Feel free to vote, reblog, and otherwise interact with the questions!
I will be making a book club channel in the It Lives Within discord for people to chat and discuss in a more relaxed, unstructured environment. Feel free to join and chat with us!
You can also make your own discussion posts and tag them #it lives book club . I'll go through the tags weekly and reblog anything I see in the tag.
In addition to the book club, I'll attempt to stream the week's chapters on Friday through Saturday. We will see how it goes. I'm a little nervous to read everything out loud! But I will make a separate post regarding streaming 😊
Look forward to enjoying spooky season alongside you all!
came back wrong in the sense that the person who revived you subtly or even obviously changed aspects of your appearance to conform better to their concept of beauty, but no one else notices, or thinks that you look better like this anyway so they don't care and are even jealous of you. came back wrong in the sense that you never consented to be brought back; don't know who dressed you like this and arranged your body in the position that you woke up in; it feels like a violation that no-one will admit to. came back wrong in that everyone is so smotheringly protective of you now; won't let you take even minor risks or "abuse" your newly-revived body with substances and poor lifestyle choices.
you ever write and publish something and then look at it and be like...nah. sorry to anyone who read my deleted chapter, in my defense the new one will be cooler...hopefully
The worst thing is that there is so much potential for exploring the horror of psych wards from the angle of medical abuse, ableism, forced treatment/drugging, loss of autonomy, power imbalance, demonization, dehumanization, etc, and YET the horror genre keeps defaulting to "insane asylums and psych wards are scary because there are mentally ill people in there"
Tagging: @choicespride for the prompts 19. Conversation, 4. Bad Day, and 15. Comfort
TW: Mental Health Issues, social paranoia, self-loathing, somewhat unreliable narrator
also on AO3 if it's easier
The world rarely stood quiet. Lance's mind always spun and swirled with every awful thing that could ever happen and a few that would be impossible in any world other than the one he lived in. The Power being the strange corrupted membrane of reality meant that 'impossible' didn't carry the weight it should.
How was he meant to not trust the feeling in his chest that his friends wanted him dead when he had Noah and Jane as proof of concept? How could he logic himself out of believing there were strange presences in his house when he'd been face to face with ghosts? How did anyone expect him to not start sprinting in fear from shadows swirled around his feet when he knew the one that lived in the woods?
He knew it infuriated the people around him–the constant reality assurances, the agoraphobia, the odd things he did that fed the beliefs. It ticked him off too. But no one else had to experience the terror, the pain, the constant second guessing. In that, Lance was utterly alone.
He knew working with the Power made it worse, that if he'd moved to Reno with Andy like they'd talked about, his symptoms might be manageable…he might be manageable. Then he wouldn't be sneaking out of bed to get away from the man he was madly in love with.
Lance dug his nails into his jaw as he cradled his face in his hands. Reno, so different from Westchester, sprawled in front of him. His ass had gone numb from sitting on the balcony, and the freezing, dry Nevada air made it hard to breathe. He never regretted visiting Andy, but solo, no distractions, travel time made him long for some kind of teleportation spell. Most of his first day with Andy was spent on recovery. He never seemed to mind, but Lance thought he could read something in the wrinkle of Andy’s nose, the pursing of his lips.
Andy would never hurt him, not on purpose, and would probably be horrified if he did on accident, but for whatever reason Lance couldn't convince himself that falling asleep next to him was safe. His body was exhausted after the drive and he knew that not sleeping made his symptoms nosedive to hell, but what were his options?
1. He could go downstairs and see if there was another room available, wasting money he couldn’t afford to waste. 2. He could take Andy’s dorm key and crash there, leaving Andy alone and confused in the morning, leading to a screaming blowout fight that would end with them breaking up or Andy stabbing him through the eye with a butter knife. Or 3. he could wake Andy up and ask him to go back to his dorm room, see Butter Knife ending.
Lance had never known how to feel about the idea of medication, not that he had much access to it without a diagnosis, but nights like that made him long for an off switch or at least a paranoia dimmer.
Flinching at footsteps, he whirled around, putting his back to the balcony railing. Andy stood behind the sliding door with sleepy eyes and pillow marks all over his face. Lance wanted to want to smile, but all he felt was fear, discomfort, and the bare traces of love in the back of his mind.
Andy patted at the glass clumsily before finding the handle and stepping outside. He sat in front of Lance, tucking his good leg beneath him and stretching out the other. The cold wasn't good for the bad one, but Andy rarely did things that were good for him, see Lance.
Andy yawned and rubbed at his eyes. Lance tried to become one with the railing. Would it be worth it to throw himself over?
"You haven't slept," Andy accused, his face twisted in annoyance.
"I'm not tired."
"Right." He smiled mockingly, a cruel glint in his chocolate eyes. "You almost fell asleep in your pasta because you're all amped up."
Lance shifted, looked away.
"Babe?" He sounded worried. No, he was worried? Had Andy been mocking him? No. Yes? Lance wasn't sure anymore.
"Babe?"
Then again why wouldn't he? Lance was difficult, wasn't he? Difficult to respect. He picked at his nails. Difficult to understand. Difficult to care about.
"Lance, sweetie–"
Something brushed against his hand and Lance jerked away, slamming his head into the railing.
"Oh my god! Are you okay?" Andy reached for Lance and he flinched, curling into a ball. "Oh."
Lance tried to take slow deep breaths against the pounding pain in his skull. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. It's–I'm gonna grab one of the sodas, for your head? I-I'll do that."
Rapid footsteps calmed Lance's heart, but not his mind. Andy knew. He knew what Lance had been thinking. Lance had explained it to him before and he shouldn't have, that had been stupid. "Stupid, stupid, stupid…"
He reluctantly opened his eyes as the sliding door moved. Andy knelt inside the room, sliding the cold can over. Lance took it and pressed it to the new bump on his head. "I'm sorry," Lance said again. "I'm fine, just a bit out of it."
Andy nodded, looking a bit sad. "That's okay. Um, do you need me to go?"
Lance froze. "What? No. No, I just said I'm fine–"
"You texted me good morning at 5:00. You drove four hours, nonstop. You barely ate dinner. You're not fine! Just…tell me what I can do?" Andy sounded desperate, but not exactly angry like Lance thought he would be.
Condensation dripped into his hair and Lance wished he were anywhere else, that he was anyone else. His eyes burned.
"It's not bugs, 'cause you're not scratching. It's not voices, you're not pulling your hair. It's me, right?"
"It's not real!" Lance's voice cracked sharply. "I know it's not real. I know you're safe. I do. I just…" He slumped against the railing.
"You just can't believe it right now." Andy shrugged. "It's okay. I got a good four hours, I can go back to my dorm, let you get some rest."
That sounded like exactly what Lance needed and he hated it. "I don't want you to have to do that. It's late, you shouldn't be driving–"
"I slept. I got up at nine this morning, I ate, and all this–" He gestured at Lance. "–definitely woke me up. I'm good to drive." Andy's hand twitched at his side like he wanted to touch Lance. Lance wished he wanted him to.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Andy's shoulders fell and he smiled. "Alright. Just give me a sec to get my keys and you can lock the door behind me."
Lance nodded and stood as Andy went back in to grab his keys and put on his shoes and go out and drive at three in the fucking morning because Lance couldn't just–He sighed and leaned against the frame of the sliding door. He hated it. Hated that part of him knew he was being ridiculous, while the other part 'knew' Andy had hurt him and would hurt him again.
"I love you," Lance mumbled as Andy stood halfway out the door.
He turned back and smiled more warmly than Lance deserved. "I love you too. Good night."
"Good morning."
Andy laughed as he shut the door.
Lance couldn't hold back a sob of relief and frustration that echoed in the empty room.
---
Lance startled awake to the sound of knocking. The sun seared into his eyes and he fell back against the pillows.
Sitting out in the cold for hours had done nothing for the perpetual tension in his body, but the sleep had cleared out his mind—as much as it ever cleared. He patted around for his phone and checked, 9:05, good enough. He opened the phone to read his messages as he stumbled to the door.
Andy
Good morning love
I got food be there soon
If you want
You can say no
Love you
Lance snorted and opened the door to greet Andy who stood in the hall, holding a drinks tray and a paper bag. "Hey, handsome."
Andy leaned in and caught Lance in a quick kiss. "Hey, beautiful."
Lance grabbed the precious cargo and set it on the small table in the corner of the room. He stayed silent as he prepared their coffee thinking of what the hell to say. The first time it had happened, Lance had apologized for a solid five minutes which hadn't been helpful or comforting to either of them. The second time, he'd been the one to buy coffee and donuts for Andy. What could he say for a third time?
Andy moved behind him and Lance startled, fumbling the stirrer and sending coffee droplets flying.
"Shit, sorry," Andy said, smiling sheepishly. He raised his hands to show his backpack and moved to the other side of the bed to rummage through it. Lance's boyfriend had put the queen bed between them so he wouldn't scare Lance into a panic attack. How romantic.
Ignoring the fact that it actually kind of was…Lance's face flushed with humiliation. The thoughts had softened from the fever pitch of the night before, but only back to the regularly scheduled program of Does My Boyfriend Hate Me or Is It The Paranoia? That never truly stopped, but it wasn't Andy-specific. He was no more paranoid about Andy than he was about Stacy or Lucas.
And there stood the problem.
Lance had never been good, socially. Back when he was a kid and his friend group had clicked like magnets, it had been less obvious and no one had been about to push the kid with a dead best friend to make new friends. A year after though…It wasn't like he hadn't tried. He would orbit around people he thought were cool and they might hang out once or twice before Lance got to worrying about their motives. Why would they be nice to him if they didn't secretly hate him and want him dead? Why would they be texting him unless they were stalking him and wanted to kidnap him to their basement?
Thankfully for his reputation and his continued freedom from involuntary psych hold, he'd never said those things out loud. He'd just break off the friendship and move onto the next person and let the cycle repeat until sixth grade when he confided a bit in his therapist who told him that Lance was the problem and he needed to stop assuming people would hurt him.
Easy for him to say, but it had got through to Lance that his fear had been like his seeing the future thing—only real to him. So he stopped talking to people all together which worked out pretty okay. It had been a weight off his shoulders not having to fear his phone or worry about if he was being poisoned by his lunch mates.
And then senior year hit and his social fears had been overshadowed by the shadow in the woods. It had been easy to explain away his friendship as a temporary trauma bond that he didn’t need to worry about, but things got deeper and he remembered how much he'd missed everyone and he chose to open up and then he almost got stabbed…The point being Lance and fear were tied together like a sailor's knot. They always had been and always would be. Always.
He sat at the table, leaving his back to the wall, while Andy took the one closer to the door. They sat that way in every hotel room they shared. Andy had formed habits around Lance's and he didn't know if he should label it as sweet or disturbing. Not disturbing to Lance, but disturbing in the 'after everything Andy deserved a normal life' way.
Andy hummed quietly as he pulled the donuts out onto napkins. He sipped at his coffee and smiled at Lance gratefully.
Lance smiled back. "We should break up."
Andy choked on his coffee and Lance thumped at his back, praying he hadn't killed his soon to be ex-boyfriend. The two of them alone in a hotel room made it an insanely bad look. He didn't want to grieve in prison.
After a bit of coughing, Andy's face red, he said, "What?"
Lance slid the choking hazards away from Andy first. "We should break up."
Andy nodded slowly, his mouth turned down and he blinked a little too quickly. "I–okay. I, um—" He froze, the sadness replaced by something that looked like suspicion. "Why? Why, exactly, should we break up?"
Lance had a list. "I've kicked you out of our hotel room three times. Whenever we go to a restaurant, it's a coin flip if I have a panic attack. I can't visit you without needing hours of space. I'm not always okay with touching you. I need you to tell me there aren't bugs under my skin at least once a month. You have to practically shove me into the shower. Do you want me to continue?"
"You're gonna have to because none of those sound like reasons." Andy scrubbed a hand through his hair. He hadn't put any product in and it looked messier than usual. Lance reached out to smooth it down, but Andy caught his hand and laced their fingers together. "Babe, we've been together for almost two years. None of that is new." He paused. "Okay, the kicking me out of bed is new, but only because we've never shared a bed. I'm used to all of this."
"You shouldn't have to be. You should be with someone who you can take to nice restaurants, who doesn't need you to put Hello Kitty bandaids on their scratches, who can sleep next to you without freaking out…"
"I don't want someone like that. I want you. I mean, I wish you didn't have to deal with that, but I'm alright helping you out every once in a while."
"It's not once in a while, it's all the damn time!" Lance got to his feet and started to pace. He hated it. He hated how understanding Andy was. He hated that Andy couldn't be normal and just hate Lance for being the way he was. He hated that there wasn't anything he could do to fix it.
Lance would be the way he was for the rest of his life, there was no cure, no pill he could take that would make it go away. He was just difficult.
His mom said he was a difficult kid to raise. His dad said he was a difficult person to understand. Every therapist he'd had said his presentation was difficult to place. Lance was a difficult person to be around, to talk to, to be friends with…to love.
His eyes burned and he jammed the heels of his palms into them. He did not want to cry. Footsteps made him want to flinch or move, but he forced himself still. Andy stood blurry in front of him, cradling his hands. "Lance, sweetie, how many physical therapy appointments did you go to with me?"
Lance shrugged.
"Almost all of them, unless I told you not to. Who stayed on my floor all six weeks after my top surgery?"
"Tom."
Andy rolled his eyes. "No, Tom took the couch. And even then it was mostly you because he was getting ready to move into the dorms. Who gave me a sponge bath every day for a week?"
"Well, Tom certainly tried."
Andy shoved at Lance's shoulder and kissed the hands he still held. "You. And even now, you help me do the stupid stretching exercises with my knee. You've been to all my games since even though you hate crowds. You're the first person I call when I have a nightmare about homecoming. You hold me and tell me you love me when I can't—When it's hard for me to believe it. You do so much for me. And I'm happy to do what I can for you."
He dropped their hands gently and cradled Lance's face instead. He shut his eyes as Andy ran his thumbs over his cheekbones.
"I love you," Andy said quietly. "And if you want to break up because you don't love me, or if being in a relationship isn't something you want, or even if it's for the reasons you told me then okay, but if the only reason you're doing it is because you're worried about me? Then don't. Please?"
Lance kissed the inside of Andy's hand. "Okay. I still think one day you'll get tired of me and try to kill me and bury me in the backyard, but okay."
Andy snorted. "I'd never get tired of you."
Bullshit. Lance brushed his lips over Andy's hand again and watched him shiver. "If you say so."
---
The rest of the weekend was spent in bed, making out, watching movies on their laptops, and trying to write an essay Andy had forgotten about. It had pulled Lance back to normal, his version anyway, and he and Andy were able to share the bed two nights in a row.
By the time, Lance had to start his drive home that Monday morning, Andy didn't seem to want to let him go. He kissed Lance's hands, his face, his shoulder, while pouting and dragging Lance into hugs by his belt loops. Lance could never resist him.
They made out against Lance's car one last time in the parking lot, likely scarring many hotel goers for life, but that wasn't their problem.
Lance felt almost at peace as he drove through Oregon's state line. Almost.
He pulled off the freeway into Klamath Falls and parked next to a fast food place. He got off the car and sat down, his back against the door. It was noon, people roamed the streets, more than a few looked at him, but he paid them no attention.
He tapped at his phone for a few minutes before sighing and pressing the dial button.
"Edgewater Psychiatry, how may I help you?"
"I need to make an appointment. Not sure how to do that."
"Our first open spot would be in about a month. If that's alright, I can walk you through it. "
"Yeah, that's cool." Lance slumped forward, head resting on his knees. Cool.
Book: It Lives Within
Basis: Lincoln helping tend to one of Vax's wounds... there's angsty parts, and sweet parts.
Pairings: Lincoln x Male MC
Warnings: Injury. Gore. Survivor's Guilt.
Word Count: 800+
Vax, is, as ever, wounded.
Lincoln's hands are, as ever, on him.
Holding him. Protecting him. Supporting him.
Tending delicately to his wound.
Just a scrape – a weeping gash, spilling scarlet down the skin of Vax's cheek.
Not the work of a Power Creature this time – but the work of a misplaced foot. Vax's foot, to be precise. And one exceptionally ill-placed tree.
Not that he'd ever admit it – that he tripped on his own two feet onto a razor-sharp twig.
No.
Let the world think it was another battle wound.
Vax's vision is blurred without his glasses, but staring upwards at Lincoln, he doesn't need glasses to recall all the minute details of the man he'd spent countless hours admiring, grunting out affirmatives and feigning his best I'm-definitely-listening-and-certainly-not-checking-you-out face whenever Lincoln's teachings on the Power spanned particularly long, all his warnings and wisdom fading away as Vax got lost in the labyrinth of his eyes.
The Power remembered the shape of him.
Remembered the little stray hair that always seemed to weasel its way out of Lincoln's braid, that he'd huff in indignation at, try in vain to swat away, every time it fell into his bronze and stubbled face.
The Power remembered the sound of him.
Remembered his rough and hearty chuckle. The way his voice mellowed as he spoke to Vax, voice softening like sugar-drops into sweet and milky tea.
The Power remembered the scent of him.
Remembered the heady scent of his cologne. Remembered how, when Lincoln asked Vax to remember something to ground himself – to calm himself – it was the echo of that scent that wrapped around Vax, anchoring his thoughts to reality.
The Power remembered the feel of him.
Remembered the scratch of his stubble, or the silkiness of his hair. Remembered the magnetic feel of his hand in Vax's, hands finding each other like a moth seeks a flame.
The Power remembers a lot of things.
The softness of a kiss. The sweetness of a glance.
...The burn of cleaning alcohol down a bloodied cheek.
Vax grimaces at the sensation, but makes no sound, the act of concealing his pain something that was long instilled into him, drilled into every fibre of his being.
In his line of work, it was an integral skill – one cry or hiss of pain could mean the difference between living and breathing, or clutching your bloody innards on a dusty highway, your cries a flare-light shot out into the night, summoning forth a swarm of monsters, all flooding your way.
Vax traced a hand over the claw-marks that twisted down his torso – the wounds were old, but the lesson remained fresh.
It was a lesson he had learned the hard way – and it was a lesson he would carry with him, forevermore.
In his mind... In his spirit... In every mark on his body, every score on his chest, and every etching of teal pigment in his Power-touched eye.
This time, when the instinct to hiss in pain comes, he doesn't quell it.
Lincoln immediately sits up, hands reaching for his.
"Vax? Are you okay?"
His anxious eyes examine Vax's – spotting for a sign, an instinct seemingly instilled in him, too.
Worried. He was worried. Vax hadn't had anyone worry for him in a very long time – everyone except for Amalia, that was.
There was no-one else left to worry about Vax. He'd killed them all in his own foolishness, one cry of pain on a lonely stretch of road alerting all monsters to his whereabouts, and triangulating all the rotten beasts and creatures around his family, his family, who he could have saved, if only he had kept his pain to himself.
But Lincoln makes him want to be vulnerable.
And being vulnerable – that was dangerous. Fatal, even.
In the absence of anything else to do, he lets out a sob.
Quiet, and fleeting, but still very much audible.
There is no sorrow to this sound. No gut-twisting agony...
Not to Vax.
It's a cry of shock, more than anything else. Surprise. Surprise that, despite everything, someone wanted to stand by his side.
His broken and bloodied side. His perfectly imperfect side.
Surprise that someone wanted to choose him. Again and again and again. No matter the toll. No matter the cost.
Lincoln needs no notice, no words or invitation. Vax's eyes are invitation enough, something brewing inside of there, a battle and its cry all in one.
Hold me– please– his eyes say, and Lincoln obeys.
In that tender moment, Lincoln looks like someone worth changing for. He looks like someone who would never ask that of Vax – to change. He looks like someone that would accept him, however broken, however bruised, however bloody.
And most importantly – he looks like a risk worth taking.
A risk that plants a gentle kiss on Vax’s forehead, cradles his face in a soft hold, and asks in a sweet voice:
"Better?"
"Better." Vax hums, tipping his nose against Lincoln's forehead, and surrendering himself to the scent of him.
Chapters: 6/?
Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Andy Kang/Main Character (It Lives In The Woods)
Characters: Main Character (It Lives In The Woods), Main Character (It Lives Within), Ava Cunningham, Lily Ortiz, Noah Marshall, Andy Kang, Dan Pierce, Lucas Thomas, Stacy Green
Additional Tags: Time Travel, Self-Harm, Asexual Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence, Panic Attacks, Use of the word Crazy by Mentally Ill Character, not exactly internalized ableism though
Series: Part 1 of Time Flows
Summary:
Lance had been a corpse battery fueling Ruben's Power trip for decades, so when Ruben came back to make a deal, he had nothing to lose. Now, he's back to the start of senior year when everything went hell and he's ready to make things right. Of course with his past issues turned present, his not-quite-friends disbelieving of the supernatural, and his mind forgetting that he had time travelled at all, is he just fighting fate?
imagining getting in a car accident with your dad and you try to keep him alive while you wait for the ambulance but you literally feel his heart stop beating in your own two, child hands and the experience inspires you to become the best cardiothoracic surgeon you can be
Power Ending in the Worst Timeline, A.K.A. Ripping OUT MY GODDAMN HEART ENDING
tagging: @choicespride for Disability Pride Month, Day 31: Symptoms is probably the most applicable, mostly just a general profile about a disabled MC
a queer transman who exclusively uses he/him
Asian Colombian, Chinese specifically, fluent in Spanish and not at all in Mandarin, last name was a choice made by grandparents when they immigrated to Oregon
has spastic cerebral palsy/diplegia affecting his legs and epilepsy, both on the less severe side, for some definition of "less severe"
ambulatory wheelchair user, but, at least in ILW, uses forearm crutches for wandering around the woods (greatly prefers his chair, though is used to the crutches because of living in inaccessible cities)
can walk without the crutches but it's annoying, most times painful, and slows him down, so why bother
deals with chronic pain, though slightly less after getting the gauntlet for Connor, the rock slide fiasco weirdly ended up helping some of the soreness he usually has after monster hunting
was besties with Abel due to both of them being curious to their own detriment
good combo of aggressive and sarcastic, leaning on aggressive
ILITW MC was Lance Song as Redfield and ILB MC was Alex Vance as Dead Beneath, so no epic power of three friendship for Ruben sadly
LI was Lincoln and was the slowburn to end all slowburns (Ruben is the most impatient man on earth and was two seconds from dragging lincoln to city hall after their convo in the bar)
was the first MC that naturally achieved the Power Ending which was beyond bittersweet and left me chewing the walls
lived in the worst timeline with everybody who could be dead pre-story dead so chose to seal off the power for good
in the main playthrough all of the ILW crew lived
Fun Facts:
definitely asked Connor to keep the gauntlet to use on him during his worse pain days
swam a lot as a teen which granted him the ability to not die when thrown underwater twice (once was throwing himself in the water but he doesn't want to talk about that)
i forget where it is, but that post where fell first is the slow ache and fell harder is "if we don't get married today i'm gonna start biting people" both are Ruben
is a biter, but not sexually
got the tattoo of birds on his chest, not his first tattoo, has a total of twelve, four done previous to his death, the rest after
the first four were ill advised stick and pokes done in a classmate's carpeted bedroom, so...
Lance was his sounding board for a lot of things he was worried about telling Amalia or the others, led to Lance knowing a little too much about Lincoln after everything
most apprehension around school was due to a fear over a lack of accessibility resources, his memory can be slightly garbage and seizure recovery can be horrendous
would have studied Journalism if he lived, and would have been amazing at it
painfully curious, endlessly charming, and wildly flirtatious
hooks up with Luis and Marianthe, flirts with Jessica, Horrors, Connor's mom, accidently flirts with Matthias before realizing he's Lincoln's dad then maybe bends time and space to erase that from happening (in universe justifying my utter horror at the time? Maybe so.)
also one of the most likely of the ILW MCs to be a supervillain. not by way of Matthias, but thats a story for another post
