Join me on my quest to find the perfect fruit. No longer will I settle for the low-hanging fruit, or God forbid, the rotten fruit on the ground. I'm looking for juicy, tasty, perfectly ripe fruit. Oh, and we're talking about dating... not real fruit.
I met and exchanged phone numbers with this really interesting, cool drummer guy who I had great chemistry with, and about half a day later he texted me. He didn't even play the waiting game!
From there, we proceed to talk on the phone for another 45 minutes. The conversation was just flowing. It was so easy and fun to talk to him. And it wasn't like the boring "where you from?" stuff either. It was like, "omg, let me tell you about my shitty russian neighbors who party til 4AM on Tuesday nights" and "oh, I'm reading a book about XYZ you should totally check it out"-type conversation. Just real life stuff. It was amazing. We hung up the phone, and I was just really excited to have met someone who I enjoyed talking to!
Monday comes and goes and we didn't talk. Some women might not like this. I loved it. I don't want to text all day. I don't want to get to know you via the phone. I prefer that the beginning of our relationship happens IRL.
Tuesday evening, he calls me to confirm plans. Calls again. I'm loving every minute of this. He then gives me 3 options for our date. One was his original idea, the other was another comedy show that was based off missed connections on Craigslist and the last was and a Justin Bieber movie in the park, which was clearly a joke.
Well, you guys know I love dating, and if you didn't, now you know that I love CL missed connections so I chose that show! He confirms that he will pick me up at my house at 7 -- yes, that's right, pick me up because apparently some people still do that even in the city. -- and that we would head to dinner before the show. Then we accidentally stay on the phone for another 30 minutes because, like I said, conversation is easy and great!
Wednesday rolls around, and I am stoked. This guy has impressed me several times, the comedy show is sure to be a hit and, let's be honest, I was just excited to be going out with someone who I met IRL.
I leave work and head home to get ready and have a glass of wine before he picks me up. I love the "getting ready for a date" process. I find it fun. I actually put on makeup, which is semi-rare, and try lots of outfits. So, after I nailed down my outfit and got my lips painted up a real nice shade of red, I was ready. This was about 15 minutes before he should be there. I don't take a ton of time to get ready, so I had some leeway.
He texted me and let me know he was going to be late. He said, "ugh, traffic, sorry," which is not my favorite thing. But I let it slide because that's a tiny thing and he'd already built up some cred.
He arrived about 20 minutes late, but he communicated that with me so it wasn't a big deal. And it gave me time for another glass of wine. He came to the door to pick me up like an old-school gent, and he even got my car door for me! We were going for Thai food at a BYOB restaurant (because most Chicago restaurants are BYOB which is awesome) so we had to stop by the liquor store next door to grab a bottle of wine.
I will say that this part of the date was kind of weird LOL. So, he asked what wine I would like. I said I wanted red because I'd already started with that, and that my favorite is Zinfandel. I saw the 7 Deadly Zins label at just about the same time as he saw (and grabbed) another one. I said, "oh, I love 7 deadly!" He says, "oh, do you want to get that?" to which I reply, "no, I really don't care. I've never had a zin I don't like. The one you have is good." He says, "are you sure?" I say, "Yes, I'm sure." He asks me again like several times. I was like, "Yes, dude, I am sure. Don't ask me again. Trust me, if I really wanted the other one, I would tell you." The cashier man had to be thinking WTF? I totally laid down the law. Probably a little harsher than I should have been, but I mean, just buy the wine, dude.
Anyways, so after that, we walk right next door to the restaurant, which was really good! We split some appetizers and just shared awesome conversation. We talked about really intense things like cancer and death, and I said some things that could totally freak some people out. Which, I clearly don't care because if you don't like me, that's your loss, not my problem, but maybe I shouldn't be busting them out on first dates.
The biggest 'weird thing' we talked about how I'm really into energy. I told him that the reason he thinks red looks so good on me is because it's the color of my energy so when I wear it, it looks nice because it's essentially the embodiment of my energy. And his subconscious recognizes that it looks good but doesn't understand why. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I love it. Then he asked me what his energy was, and I made a semi-educated guess, which he seemed to agree with. It was just a total hippie moment that could have totally freaked someone out but it didn't seem to deter him at all.
We also talked about our travels, our parents and my first dog. All really interesting, real conversations. I was loving it. As one of my clients at work would say, we were having a "consecrated conversation."
We also shared a little bit of our plates. He was bold and asked if he could have some of mine even after kind of mocking me for ordering Pad Thai. Don't judge me. I always order Pad Thai the first time at a Thai place because I think it serves as a good baseline of whether or not I should return. So we both shared a bit. His was way too spicy for me, but don't worry. I washed it down with red wine and every last noodle on my plate.
After I literally killed my meal, he informed me that we had talked right through the comedy show. What do you know? Me? Talk a lot? Who'd have thought...
So we decided to take our date to another location for another few drinks. We ended up at a Mexican restaurant, which I have to say, was not a great idea to follow my red wine and Thai. We grabbed margaritas on the patio and continued talking. After about 30 more minutes, the waitress informed us that we had to wrap it up or move inside. I closed out our tab for those drinks and we moved inside.
Once inside, I was like, "OK, whoa, kinda drunk. Probably better make this my last one." I can't remember exactly what we were talking about once we moved inside -- not because I was drunk, but it's all running together -- but again, really engaging conversation.
He grabs the check for those drinks and we had out. He drives me home, which was so nice because I live totally out of the way from where he needed to be. Once we get near my house, he said something about he'd like to walk me to my door. I assure him that I am fine, that I walk to my door alone every day and am always successful. He said, "I guess you're right, but I still want to." So we park his car semi-illegally and leave the flashers on. He walks me to my door and cuts straight to the chase.
He said, "I had a really great time with you, and I'd love to see you again. When are you free next?" I was obviously in the same camp and impressed by the boldness, so I said, "me too! Let's get together again next week because I'm booked this weekend." Then, we say a few more good-byes and he kisses me!
Not like a just-a-peck kiss, but certainly nothing more. It was horrible. HORRIBLE. I hated it. Like I said, it wasn't just a peck, but it had no passion/guts behind it. Like you know when you kiss someone and you're like "why are you opening your mouth but not using your tongue?! Are you gasping for air?" It was horrible. And I got like slobber on my face. It was just, not good.
However, I had a good enough time on the date that I was willing to overlook it. Like, we had a great 5 hours together. I wasn't going to let one weird kiss ruin it.
So the next day, I texted him thanks for dinner because I seriously think I forgot to say it, and I think that's really rude. He responds back that it was his pleasure and he can't wait to do it again. He also says, "you're an amazing kisser by the way." I was like, WTF?! LOL were you a part of the same kiss I was?! That thing was horrifying.
Either way. I was going to see him again because it's just not that often that I meet guys who can keep me engaged for five hours.
After a few days went by, he texted me an initiated our second date. I'll tell you more about that one later. I think it might warrant a video...
Usually I'm super content to fly solo, but this week I'm feeling really lonely. And really, not even in a romantic sense. I just miss my family. Like crazy.
So let's go back to the beginning before we get to the date.
I met this guy in real life. Yep, you heard me: IN REAL LIFE. Can you believe it?! That still happens.
I went to a backyard BBQ on the west side of Chicago that was absolutely brilliant. The food was amazing, the weather was great and the company was fantastic, even before I met this tall drummer. It was just one of those nights that makes you think, "damn, this is what 'summer memories' are made of."
So as I am enjoying the cocktails and authentic Spanish food, my friend (who had invited me to the party) brings over this tall guy and introduces us. We all three chatted for a few and then she left us to chat. It was really one of those class "hit it off" conversations.
There was plenty of friendly banter, lots of laughter and a bit of substance. We stood and chatted for about 30 minutes, I'd say, before he had to go inside to play the drums in the band that was playing at the party. I told you this party was rad.
If you know me, you know I dig drummers. Really, I dig any instrument players, but the drums keep the beat and I love the beat. So anyways, I just had this amazing conversation with this super tall babe, he leaves to go play the drums. I'm hoping to myself that he enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. Like I've said a million times, it's not all that often that I meet someone I find interesting.
I sauntered around the party talking to everyone and enjoying the music. After the band was done, I saw him walk back outside and was hoping that he'd come chat with me again, but that didn't happen. I found myself sitting around a fire talking with other really awesome people, so I mean, I really wasn't fretting but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't on my mind.
My friends and I decided to head home, and he had still yet to come talk to me again. I mean, I was thinking to myself, "I could not have completely misread that situation. We had great conversation, good chemistry and laughed a lot."
You know me, rather than letting a potentially great opportunity pass me by, I took matters into my own hands.... kind of. Before we left, I went over and said it was great to meet him. If at that point, he'd not have asked for my number, I'd have let it lie. I'm only willing to do so much of the legwork.
Fortunately for me, he felt the same and he said, and I quote, "it was great to meet you. We should exchange contact information." To which I said, "um, did you just ask for my contact information? What would you like? My fax number? Street address? or maybe you'd just like my phone number?" Like I said, we had great conversation with lots of banter. I had to take the chance to poke a little fun!
You can say I am officially back on the horse. Well, don't read too much into that, because I haven't been riding anything as of late... except bikes around the city... but yes, I'm back on the dating train.
I know, I know I keep saying that, but then I keep getting irritated. I know all you women can relate. It's like, "whoa, I should totally be dating." Then it's like, "whoa, ew, nah, no thanks, rather be chillin' with a book and wine at home." It's a tough little world out there...
Dating is actually not bad at all for me if I meet people in real life, but that just never ever happens. Well, hardly. It does... sometimes. But when it happens... they are 45, but that's a story for another day.
I'd date this entire town if the men would ask me out IRL. I really just don't love this whole Tinder, Hinge, other phone apps for dating. It's just not that feasible for me.
It's tough enough for me to meet a man who is gutsy enough in person, let's think about how much harder it is to meet a ballsy man through a phone app. Yeah, it's kind of hard.
Either way, I'm back in the game. I gotta find me a man with cable so I can lounge on his couch and watch football on Sundays.
My, my, my. How I have neglected you since my move to Chicago.
That will happen when you uproot your life completely and go try and establish a new one in a new city. A new amazing city, I may add.
So remember why I started this in the first place? So that I would actually date rather than just roll my eyes at men who approach me? Well... it's become abundantly clear by my absolute lack of potential mates that I need to reignite my dating blog flame.
First, let's start with my first Tinder date ever.
So, you guys know me. I tell anyone everything all the time. So, I have drinks with my co-workers and friends before heading down to Revolution Brewing for my date. This isn't like the time I got wasted before a first date though, I really only had one or two.
So I walk into this bar.. I've never been there as I'm new in town. I walk in, I say I'm meeting someone, and I don't know if they are here yet. It's always so weird. Do I text and say "hey, I'm here?" or do I not. Can someone tell me what protocol is? Anyways, she said well what do they look like? To which I respond, "Umm.... I'm not really sure, I know he has really nice eyelashes." Then she says, "Is this a tinder date?" And I'm like "OMG, yes, it is.. it's my first one!"
So as I stand there talking to this girl about tinder dates, in this gentleman walks. I recognized him immediately from those eyelashes... THOSE EYELASHES. I told him that I just told the hostess that we were on a Tinder date, and she assured us that she was going to try to help us get seated quickly.
We went upstairs and grabbed some beers. It was pretty jammed... the wait was supposed to be around 45 minutes. Each time the hostess passed us she would do the "thumbs up/thumbs down?" motion. She was awesome. We only had to wait about 20 minutes before she found us a table.
Our conversation was good. I never can do first date conversation very well. We ended up talking about abortion, healthcare reform, and how his mom once gave away his dog without him ever saying goodbye. For your info, he's never forgotten this act, but he has forgiven her.
So essentially, our date was good. I was having fun, we were laughing, everything was great, and I was going to go out with him again. Even though he wasn't exactly my type. I forgot to mention that aside from the eyelashes, he was bald (which I kind of dig!) but he was wearing skinny jeans which is really not for me. Well, actually... it is for me. It isn't for my potential boyfriend.
But anyways, so here's where it all went downhill. I had to leave to go meet a friend, so he was like, "oh, let me walk you to the train station!" I thought that was great! Ok.. now is when it goes downhill. No sooner do we take one half step out of the restaurant, he whips out a cigarette. (Oh, also, we talked about how I hate cigarette smoking in our conversation) I was like eh, couldn't you have waited? Like I mean... 4 more minutes?
Props to him for not making me sit and wait while he stepped out during the date, but it was just a total turn off. Then....
After the date, I really started to kind of analyze his behavior -- you know, like everyone always does. Then I started to kind of tick off these boxes of his odd behavior... he was really twitchy, really talkative, sitting on his hands, rocking back and forth, etc. So upon further analysis, I think he was high on some sort of something....
Needless to say at this point, I never answered his call again. I know that's a chicken shit move, and I shouldn't do it, but I just couldn't.
So anyways, that's my first Tinder date. I'll tell you about my other two soon... and then I guess I'll start going on more.
Before I begin blogging about all my latest and greatest dating (mis)adventures, I have to come clean about how stupidly I acted with Mr. Technical. It's kind of embarrassing, but I try to be as honest as possible with you all so here goes.
I re-met him at the beginning of July. He is handsome -- so fucking handsome. He has traveled; he has seen, done, experienced so many brilliant things. He's educated and open-minded. He's genuine. He admired things about me that no man has ever acknowledged before. He made me feel as though I was the only girl in the world who mattered to him. For about 3 fucking weeks.
Somewhere around the beginning of August, I knew it was time to cut ties with him. He made me second guess myself. He shamed me for my behavior while drunk, which to be fair, was not my finest moment but come the fuck on man, we all do it. He broke plans with me. He went MIA for days at a time. He ignored me when I wanted to talk to him. He said he'd be better; he wasn't. He promised to come to events with me and would find an excuse every single time to get out of it. He would get weird texts in the middle of the night from other women and make me feel like I was crazy for asking who it was. He would go to events with a group of other people and only tell me a portion of who was there. He ignored me for days at a time but shamed me if I didn't respond within several hours. He made me think I was demanding and unrealistic because I wanted a commitment from him.
And it worked. It all worked. I felt like I wasn't good enough. Like I was this emotionally out-of-control woman who had no concept of what an adult relationship is. Like I was immature and "crazy." Like I was constantly overreacting. Like I was jealous, obsessive, insecure.
You've probably already done the math. I said I met him in July and knew in August I should call it quits. So why am I just now writing this in March? Because I let it go on that long.
I let an unhealthy relationship go on because I was hoping it would be something more. I was in love with the idea of who he made me think he was. I ignored the reality of things. I let his thoughts and words into my mind, and I let them change how I felt about myself.
Somewhere in November, I came to the realization that if I was watching one of my friends do what I was doing, I would want to literally slap her, shake her, do anything I could to get her to understand that she was wasting her time.
I told him that we clearly had different ideas of what a relationship should be. I told him that my wants and needs were not met and it left me feeling drained and unhappy. I told him I wasn't willing to listen to him say he was going to do better for months and months.
We've been speaking intermittently since then. I don't believe he is a bad person, not at all. But I don't think he's as fantastic as I did. I'm no longer interested in him romantically. I don't see a future with us. I'm indifferent now, but I wasn't.
I was hurt, sad, mad. Mainly with myself. I don't know how I ignored my gut and remained in such a fruitless situation for months and months. It's seriously embarrassing. I give advice to all of my friends, and often times to people on Tumblr. p.s. keep asking because I'm great at advice when I'm not emotionally involved. Yet here I sat for months and months knowing nothing was going to change but hoping I was wrong.
Here I sat being in love with someone who made me feel like a lesser version of myself. Someone who didn't value my feelings. Someone who never listened to me but always told me I was wrong.
I could go on for days about how the whole situation made me feel, but that's not what is important. What's important is that I learned from the situation.
I learned that the second anyone makes me feel lesser is not worth my time. I now know that when my gut says walk, it's time to walk no matter how hard that is. I learned that when my basic wants and needs are not met, it's not worth continuing.
Those lessons didn't come easy. They didn't come without tears and frustration, but they came nonetheless. And I'll take them with me into my new foray into the dating world. I'll be smarter next time.
As you may know, I recently uprooted my KC life to move to a bigger potentially better city. Yes, I'm still in the midwest... I couldn't help but stay close to my fam.
Since my grand move a mere three weeks ago, I've spent much of my time eating pizza, drinking wine, watching House of Cards and Tinder-lining men up.
I've got a few dates I need to fill you in on. I think one guy was on drugs. This other one, well he clearly had some mad issues with death and fatal disease. Another guy, I kinda stood him up. I feel a little bad because I would have been bummed if it happened to me, but I'm starting to understand the guys that just fall off. I just didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to create a falsity to get out of it, and honestly do I really owe you that any way? I've never even met you, dude.
Well anyways, as I sit here in my new apartment... I've been spending at least one night in per weekend and maintaining a certain level of awareness while I've been out. I guess maybe, just maybe, I'm growing up a little bit. But EF that shit man, I'm still so young. But am I? Am I really?
This pizza- and mid-tier-wine-filled life is magical, but does it mean I'm kind of growing up? Is that what I want? Should I be raging until 4AM and waking up at 2PM? I just don't know. I have the rest of my life to be grown up and figured out. Am I retiring too early?
I moved to a bigger city with so many more men than I'm used to. It's so amazing. I don't hardly know anyone here so when I meet someone we don't automatically connect like six different dots. It's unlikely that I ever made out with his college roommate or shacked up with his cousin... yes, those were real issues in KC. It's a big small town.
So, my options are pretty endless here. Both IRL and drumroll please on Tinder. That's right, I'm on Tinder, and I'm loving it. It's seriously hysterical. I mean, some of the guys actually seem legit, but more than anything I just like the swiping.
Stay tuned, because I'm pretty sure this life of mine is about to get about as ridiculous (-ly awesome) as it's ever been.
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