The Retail Confessionals

Confessions of a loose-cannon retail associate who doesn't play by the rules.

[theretailconfessionals]

When you're talking to a customer, do you ever feel like Jim on The Office like...

[talesfromyourlocalcashier]

*An item won’t scan*

EVERY. SINGLE. CUSTOMER. EVER: Well, I guess it’s free. ^-^

[dragoniangirl]

I have found the best way to combat this! Look the customer dead in the eye and with the most serious, deadpan face say “No. That means I get to pick the price.”

[theretailconfessionals]

"I GET TO PICK THE PRICE."

I think you've destroyed the dreaded "it must be free," phrase once and for all!

[theretailconfessionals]

[theretailconfessionals]

Retail Confession #16

FUN FACT:

If a customer prefaces a sentence with "I don't want to sound snobby," they're about to sound snobby.

[theretailconfessionals]

A text from my hubby earlier. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up!!

[rocktheholygrail]

[theretailconfessionals]

The stars are not in position for my customers to get the material they wanted.

[theretailconfessionals]

FYI

If no one hears from me for awhile, it's probably because I went to jail for savagely beating a customer with my faux-leather ballet flat.

How is everyone elses' day fairing?

[theretailconfessionals]

Thank goodness for fun co-workers

Co-worker to Siri: Talk dirty to me.

Siri: The carpet needs vacuuming.

All: *promptly dies laughing*

[theretailconfessionals]

Retail Confession #15

When you're talking to a customer and you realize how stupid they are, so you break the 4th wall like...

[theretailconfessionals]

Retail Confession #14

Have you ever had a day so bad where you just want to sit in the bathroom pretending you have chronic diarrhea until your shift is over?

[theretailconfessionals]

Don't tell me TGIF when this is what I look like the night before I know I'm working a Saturday shift.

[theretailconfessionals]

[theretailconfessionals]

[theretailconfessionals]

Retail got me like...

Co-worker: Hey, are you tired?

Me:*wearing coffee filter as a hat* Yeah, why do you ask?

[theretailconfessionals]

I spend my day trying to convince colorblind, Martha Stewart wannabes that attaining the kitchen they saw on HGTV cannot be accomplished on a budget of chewing gum and spare couch change.

[theretailconfessionals]

Retail Confession #13

I've been holding this smile for too long. My face is starting to spasm.

[theretailconfessionals]

Retail Confession #12

Unsuccessfully trying to fart quietly in the employee/customer bathroom.