Totally forgot to send this whoopsies.. anyway
I went out! I returned to the shop I wanted to go to, got some things + managed 2 social interactions which is a pretty big deal for me so WOOOOO but I did also go to the sea, not something I planned so I was essentially dragged along, it was very fun plus I got to go on a ferris wheel albeit a slow one and I felt pretty happy cause I’m not exactly scared of heights but due to having both arboreal + terrestrial species in me I occasionally panic a bit when I remember my paws aren’t directly ground level however I can get over this while providing euphoria, I just have to learn how to climb which easier said than done when you live in 50 shithole houses town with 2 skinny trees™ yet even when I went to the sea it got fucked over, I slipped in the water due to my paw placement not being right so a rock pushed out under me, no big deal I got back up completely fine I just needed to get salt out my nose cause wolf nose not designed for salt in nostril… so you’d imagine this was no biggie right? Nope! Bitchy human ran over, screaming at me to get out the water because I could get swept away by the current while yes the water was somewhat rough I sat just on the shore, in the water yet close enough I could easily crawl back so I knew the pesky humans were whiny for nothing as while I don’t know how to exactly swim cause never actually taught but I can instinctively somewhat paddle, duh yes the sea wolf retains that instinct but that human completely ruined it as the moment I got out I immediately got yelled at + repeatedly demanded me to do things, declared I’m never going in the water, all that. This was a freakout due to me breaking their control, I knew this the moment they started but now I’m bothered.
I want to continue to go outside, it IS my right as a wolf but there’s so much in the way of it, I found a library by my house which I’m pretty sure is money free so I can go in with no problem yet that’s not my main botherance, I NEED social interaction + friends and got none in these trips, my social anxiety isn’t a simple get over it thing, I AM a wolfdog, I should not be around humans in the first place my tolerance of them comes from the dog in me, I essentially completely shut down when I try to socially interact because of it, I managed to compliment someone by convincing my brain I was barking at them and that worked however honestly? I’d do so much better if I had a guide with me, that’s how they’d do it in a pack the elder would help me socialise plus I could run behind them if I didn’t have it in me, yet I have no pack so I cannot do this. I think I might be able to socialise on my own due to the fact I’m a wolfdog so if I find a way to convince my brain it’s not a situation where OH FUCK THE HUMANS GONNA KILL ME and instead there’s a human on my turf, like the sanctuary, I just have to investigate which involves some interaction it could work, I saw humans on the beach playing volleyball and I REALLY wanted to join, I’ve always wanted to learn volleyball yet I backed out due to being wet + it felt weird to go over and ask as they were clearly a friend group from what I assume was a school, the best way I can explain it in human is like the same feeling of stumbling on another packs territory finding them mid play, I’ve never played volleyball before so I’d probably need to adapt which I was fine with the idea on its own yet my brain panicked because it thought they would judge me, I know it’s unlikely due to them just messing around and not being good at it themselves but it bugged me, I now understand that this was a misguided instinct as in the wild if I lacked skills it would’ve been a weakness.
It’s not all bad tho as I have one idea, I want to skateboard so I think I could incorporate that as a way to get outside more although I dunno if I’d get more socialisation from it, the only things holding me back are the fact everyone says it’s really hard to learn, I know it’s bullshit due to me having a penny board previously before I learned to skate which I learned how to cruise on that fine, the penny board was a mistake as I wasn’t prepared for it yet got it as the price was cheaper the humans didn’t care about the experience part, I feel like if I had encouragement I could learn how to skateboard maybe not tricks tbh I don’t exactly know if I want that stuff but enough to cruise + go fast when I want.. idk tho…. Guys someone give wolfdog opinion on whether she should do that or not!!
omg I’m so so so proud of you!!! that was AMAZING!!!!!! and beach trips are always fun :) but as someone who has almost drowned, if you don’t know how to swim, PLEASE don’t get in the water if it’s rough. seriously, even if you’re at shore, you can still get swept up and drown. i’d know ;P
but i tooootally get that pack mentality. it is hard to get friends outside of school. (and hey! i’ll gladly be your friend (as long as you aren’t an adult lollll)) also its cool to ask people to play volleyball. i used to be the one playing volleyball (cant anymore sighhh) and trust me, nobody minds if there’s an extra player, even if its uneven, even if you’re bad. trust
and you should totally learn to skate!! i actually got a pair of roller-skates last year for my birthday, and sadly couldn’t use them bc i had to stay injury-free for a while until surgery, and now post-op i’m still extremely stiff, numb, and pained, so roller skates are out of the question. and library rocks if you wanna be around people but not talk to people! i literally did it today! i brought my itabag with my laptop and drawing pad and did work on my projects for 3 hours straight, and it wasn’t the first time either. whatever works, and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!
