Pairings: San x Female Reader
Rated: Mature
Description: Demon AU, I have a bunch of random drabbles from this mofo and now I’m posting it here.
His finger trailed down your face, slow and lingering, savoring every inch of your skin. His eyes were the deepest shade of red you’d ever seen. They held a depth inside of them that you’d never seen before. Never experienced before.
His lips tilted up, smirking as he watched you swallow hard, your lower lip trembling when he slid his thumb across it.
“You know what you have to do.” He spoke softly, a low tone that left earth shattering impact slithering down your spine. “Beg for it, princess.”
Your eyes pleaded with the beast of a man whose lap you adorned. Perched on his thighs, your own quaking with need as his rigid cock sat nestled deep inside of you unmoving.
He wanted you to beg but he stole the voice from within you. He wanted to hear you scream his name but nothing more than a hoarse whisper escaped your throat.
He wanted you to vocalize what your body was clearly screaming for.
Release.
“San,” you tried licking your lips, begging your mouth to cooperate with your brain. “Please. Please I need to cum, please.”
He chuckled lowly, causing his lower half to jerk inside of you and sending ripples of pleasure through your veins.
It had been two months. Two months of the demon bringing you to this point and leaving before you could finish. Two months of him popping into your life and edging you into oblivion. Two months of cursing you with no release.
You’d say you were in hell, but you knew San would take offense. Proving to you what hell was really like.
Your shaking hands cupped the demon’s cheeks, forcing him to keep eye contact as tears began to slip down your face. “San, please.”
He stayed still for a moment and you were sure he would disappear again. Just as he always had.
But he stayed, and a curious look washed over the features of his face. “What is it about you, princess?” He reached up and brushed your hair away from your face. “I can’t seem to get enough.” He dropped his hand and sighed, “Alright, my little human.” Both of his hands gripped your waist tightly, “Cum.”
With one single thrust your entire world fell apart. Feelings and emotions flooded your senses in a way you’d never experienced before in your life. All at once you felt everything and nothing at all. It was truly oblivion.
And then you blacked out.
You awoke, some hours later, curled into the quilt of your bed, the morning sun pouring through your curtains. You’d wonder if it was all a dream, but the bruises left behind along your hip bones told you otherwise.
Hello to one of my fave writers (and person) on this site, how have you been? You dont know how happy it made to see you were doing kinktober! Can I request a demon/werewolf (whichever you see fitting) Minseok with a biting marking kink? Thank you so much for doing this, and I just want you to know Ill be enjoying kinktober whether you take my request or not 😊 take care of yourself, stay safe, and know that there's someone out there rooting for you.
Minseok + Werewolf + Biting/Marking Kink
(thank you for such a nice message! I hope you still see this months later!!)
It was instinct for him, the need to mark you. You were his mate, you were meant for him, and he needed everyone to know this. You were human, and things had needed to progressed slowly when he first met you. But the second the two of you slept together he couldn’t hold back.
His favorite spot was the juncture of your neck right where it met your shoulder. It was the perfect spot to wrap his lips around and sink his teeth into. It was also one of your more sensitive areas. The second his lips met skin you keened for him.
He loved unravelling you, running his hands over your body and holding your hips down against the mattress as his mouth sucked greedily at the skin of your neck. You moaned his name and it only served to get him more worked up. He groaned as he pulled away, immediately finding your lips for a searing kiss.
When he pulled away you were breathless, eyes blown with need. “Min...please...” You begged him as your fingers crawled up his body.
He grinned, pressing a small kiss to your lips, “Patience, princess. You’ll get what you want soon enough.”
THE sammtimes writing a bbh fic again? Earth is healing no but seriously thank you for taking the time to writing it 🤕 missed some good scenario in the tag, forever grateful... 🥺💕
It would be Baek that raised me from the dead just to prove a point lol
Thank you for this message! I’m really happy that you enjoyed the fic <3
Hi Samm! 💛💛 Can I request Baekhyun, Coffee Shop AU, Fluff 5, and Smut 3 for the drabble game? Thank you so much if you end up doing it. Appreciate your magical words 😍
Pairings: Baekhyun x Female Reader
Rated: Mature
Description: coffee shop au + “I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.” + “Let me take your mind off it; let me make you feel good.”
When it came to working your way through school (and let’s face it, life in general), you counted yourself lucky. You had found a small coffee shop a few blocks away from your campus that was owned by the sweetest couple. They worked with your schedule, they paid well, and the crew of baristas that worked with you were amazing. It felt like working with a little family, and while not every day was rainbows and roses, you weren’t miserable. Of course, as these things go, there was one employee that you dreaded working with.
At first, working with Baekhyun had been like working with a brother you’d never wanted. He was always loud no matter the time of the day, his energy levels were unmatched to anyone you’d ever been around before. He loved making people laugh, even at his own expense. Oftentimes, this left him making a fool of himself for the sake of a few giggles from a group of girls. He drove you crazy, you felt as if you were reeling in a golden retriever your entire shift with him.
Eventually, you got used to him and began to notice subtle things about him.
This was where everything went downhill.
Baekhyun was extra obnoxious when he was having a bad day. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he masked his emotions with his boisterous personality. The days that he was going out of his way to be silly or loud were the days that left you worrying about what was going on outside of the shop. You were always scared to ask, scared to cross a line that he didn’t want crossed.
Baekhyun kept everyone at an arm’s length. You knew he was majoring in music, that his voice was something akin to an angel’s, and that he was a sucker for a well made vanilla chai. His roommate’s name was Kyungsoo, a quiet stoic man (you still didn’t understand how that dynamic worked), and his favorite binge-snack was pizza. All of these little things did not add up to knowing Baekhyun. You knew nothing about his family, where he was from, the schools he went to. You honestly would not even know how he was feeling day to day had you not noticed his subtle changes and the way his eyes looked empty when he thought no one was looking.
Baekhyun was an enigma, he knew everything about you without you even saying much. He could tell you were having a bad day the second you walked in the shop. He picked up on your favorite color, your favorite snacks, and he always knew when he needed to cover you so you could study some more during work. It wasn’t just you either, he was like that with everyone. He drew people in like a magnet, alluring you into a state of comfort until he was buried inside of your heart. All the while keeping his walls firmly built and never letting them down.
Somewhere along the lines of figuring all of this out, you realized you cared about him. Not just in a family way, you worried about him. You wanted to know more about him, help him when he needed it, care for him. Something about Baekhyun made you want to pull him into your arms and keep him safe from the world. You wanted to be able to knock down his walls and be his safe space, kiss away his fears and make him smile just as hard as he made you smile.
You hate how deep you were into this crush, and you swore to keep it secret until the day you died.
Unfortunately, the universe had different plans for you and it started the day that Baekhyun called in sick for his shift. In the year and a half of working in the coffee shop, Baekhyun had never called out for a shift, not once. The alarm bells in your head were screaming and you weren’t sure what to do. You could text him, but the two of you never really texted each other outside of lighthearted memes and questions about work/school. You chalked it up to your own anxieties, people got sick, it happened.
Then he missed three shifts in a row. You weren’t the only one worried, the entire staff was concerned. Your bosses tried asking after him to make sure he was okay, but he swore it was nothing more than a bad cold he couldn’t shake. You even sent him a text to say you hoped he felt better and all you got back was a heart emoji. For a moment you considered asking your bosses where Baekhyun lived, but you decided against it. If Baekhyun needed you, he’d ask, right?
You went with that for an entire week of his missed shifts, until Kyungsoo walked into the shop. You had looked up when the bell went off on the door, his eyes finding yours immediately. He walked up to the counter and you knew your intuition had been correct.
“I’m really glad you’re the one working,” he told you softly as he approached. “I hate to ask this, but can I talk to you outside for a minute?”
You called to your coworker that you were going on break and followed Kyungsoo outside of the shop. He turned to you with a grimace, “I really hate asking this, but I need a favor.”
“Sure, what’s the favor?” You asked him.
Kyungsoo checked around you both to make sure no one was in ear shot before continuing. “It’s Baek, he doesn’t really have a cold. I know how stupid this sounds, but I can’t tell you what’s going on. It’s Baekhyun’s business, you know? He should tell you himself.”
You were beyond confused at this point, but you let him continue.
“Unfortunately, the giant baby refuses to open up to people and instead sits at home and annoys me all the time,” Kyungsoo grumbled. He shook his head and continued, “Not the point. I am leaving this weekend for my parents house, and quite frankly, I don’t feel comfortable leaving him alone without someone coming to check on him. It’s nothing serious, he just...he stops eating when he’s like this. He won’t shower, he doesn’t talk to anyone. He just shuts in on himself and as much as it pains me to say this, I’m worried about him.”
“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I don’t understand where I come into all of this.”
“Right, sorry. I was wondering if you would be willing to stop by the apartment and check on him? We actually only live 4 blocks from here, and I know it’s asking a lot. I would just feel better if someone was stopping by to see him. I’m asking you first because Baekhyun really likes you. He talks about you all the time, and I think if he would be comfortable with anyone seeing him it would be you.”
You were surprised to hear this, Baekhyun liked you? You felt as though he never treated you any different than anyone else in the shop. But to find out he spoke about you to Kyungsoo made your stomach flutter in a way you were trying desperately to ignore.
Of course, knowing how worried Kyungsoo was made any excitement of Baekhyun’s feelings towards you evaporate. You wanted to know what was going on, but you would never pry. Instead you agreed to stop by the apartment for him starting that evening. You and Kyungsoo exchanged numbers so that you could touch base with him and he sent you his and Baekhyun’s apartment address.
“I really appreciate this. I know this probably sounds crazy.” He told you again as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.
You waved your hands to dismiss the idea. “Really, it’s not a problem. I like Baekhyun too and I’ve been worried about him myself. If I can help at all, even if it’s just to stop by and make sure he eats, then I’d feel better too.”
Kyungsoo gave you a smile and you both said your goodbyes.
It wasn’t until you were finishing your shift that evening that you realized how crazy the idea actually was. If Baekhyun was feeling down, why on earth would he want to see you? How were you supposed to explain that his roommate essentially sent you over to make sure he took care of himself. What if he was insulted? Or mad?
You tried not to think that way. Baekhyun was always kind to you, and you knew if the situation was reversed he’d be at your side in a heartbeat.
You focused instead on making Baek his favorite drink from the shop and snagging some of the leftover bakery items you knew he secretly enjoyed. If he wasn’t eating, perhaps some of his favorite treats would entice him.
Kyungsoo was correct, the boys only lived a few blocks from the shop and your walk to their place took less than 10 minutes. You fought back your anxious jitters as you reached their door and rang the bell.
There was a long minute of silence and you started to panic. What if he didn’t answer? Kyungsoo didn’t leave a key. Would you have to call him?
You took a deep breath and rang the bell again and finally heard shuffling on the other side of the door. Another moment passed before you heard the locks click and the door opened a bit to reveal and extremely disheveled Baekhyun.
You put on your best customer service smile in hopes that he would buy it, even a little. “Hey, Baek! I hope you don’t mind, I brought over some treats!” You held up the bags from the shop as he eyed you warily.
“Why are you here?”
Your smile faltered slightly, “I was worried about you.” You answered honestly, not wanting to throw Kyungsoo under the bus just yet.
“How did you know where I lived?”
“Kyungsoo told me, he stopped by the shop this morning for a coffee and I asked him if I could bring over these treats.” Again, not a complete lie.
Baekhyun didn’t budge. “Kyungsoo voluntarily told you where we live?”
“Your drink is getting cold.”
“You’re avoiding my eyes.”
“Just take the drink, Baekhyun.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I even brought your favorite pastries!”
“Kyungsoo seriously just volunteered this information?”
“Oh my God, Baek! He was worried about you, okay?” You snapped, your face grew serious as you stared at the man in front of you. “And quite frankly, after seeing you, I can’t blame him. You look like you haven’t slept for days and he said you weren’t eating. He asked me to stop by, alright? And I did because I was worried too, I really care about you, and I hoped that maybe a familiar face and something yummy would help you a little with whatever is going on.”
“You care about me?”
“Of course I care about you! I always have!” You hadn’t quite meant to answer him so quickly and so firmly, but the words tumbled out before you could stop them.
Baekhyun disappeared and you were only panicked for a moment before the door opened the rest of the way and he motioned for you to come inside. “You said you have pastries?”
You felt relieved and stepped inside of the apartment. You held up the bag from your shop and grinned happily at him, “two chocolate croissants, your favorite right?”
Baekhyun stared at you for a moment before nodding, a ghost of a smile on his lips. You would take it.
“I also brought a vanilla chai, it should still be warm.” You lifted the cup and handed it to him.
He took it from you and gestured behind him, “Do you want to hang out for a bit?”
“Only if you want me to! I don’t want to impose, I really just wanted to bring these to you.”
Baekhyun took the bag of pastries from you and turned to head further into the apartment, “Come on.”
You slid off your shoes and followed him as he took you into the living room. He plopped down on the couch and you sat on the opposite end from him. He took a long sip of his drink and looked over at you. “You always make the best chai.” He told you. “I actually don’t like them that much, only when you make them.”
You tried not to look as surprised as you were. You watched him dig into the bag and take a big bite of the pastry you brought. You weren’t sure if he was doing it to appease you or was actually hungry. Either way you were glad he was eating something.
He looked over at you again and you noticed his eyes didn’t carry the same heaviness they had when he opened the door. “Thank you for this,” he told you after swallowing his bite.
You shook your head, “It was no problem, Baek.”
He turned away and took another bite and you watched him begin to chuckle lowly. “I can’t believe Kyungsoo sent you here. I’m never letting this go.”
You couldn’t help but giggle a little with him.
Baekhyun finished his croissant and sat the bag down on the table in front of him. “I’m sorry I worried you. I’m okay, I promise. I just had someone from my past pop back up and it took me by surprise is all.”
“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, Baekhyun.”
He looked back over to you, his gaze made your breath catch in your throat.
“I know I don’t.” He kept his eyes on your own. “I want to.”
You nodded, letting him continue.
He turned his gaze down to the cup in his hand. “When I first moved here I had been seeing someone from high school. We’d been together for three years, but we left for different schools. I knew when she started cheating on me. I could tell almost immediately, but I just didn’t want to believe it. She started making me question everything, making me feel like I was doing things wrong when it was her. She stripped me away of all of my self confidence, she wrecked my trust. It happened all too quickly. We were young and at the time I was still learning a lot about myself. I’ve had a hard time trusting people ever since.” He took a deep breath and another sip of his drink before continuing. “She called me last week, I didn’t know it was her so I answered and it was like getting hit by a truck. All of these emotions and feelings I thought I’d locked away came flooding back.” He looked over to you, “She’s getting married.”
You felt your heart sync for Baekhyun, your past relationships had never really gotten serious enough to cause any damage. You knew you were lucky with the people you had in your life. You couldn’t imagine what he was feeling.
“I realized that not only had she been able to move on, but she was able to maintain an actual relationship. Do you know why she called me? To tell me she was sorry. She said she realized how horrible she treated me and genuinely wanted to apologize.” He let out a dry laugh, “She hoped I would find happiness. I haven’t known happiness or peace since she left my life. And I admit, some of that is on me. It’s just...I got mad. I was pissed off. Why her? Why did she find someone? I’ve suffered and she’s getting married. Is that selfish of me to feel that way?”
“No,” you answered him honestly. “You’re feeling a lot of emotions, it’s better to let yourself feel them and process them. It doesn’t make you selfish.”
He looked at you for a long moment, you felt your heart race increase as his eyes bore into yours. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
He smiled softly, “You’ve done a lot more than you realize. I know I can trust you, and it feels really good to get all of that off of my chest. I appreciate you listening to me.” He turned and placed his cup on the table with the pastry bag before scooting closer to you.
Your thighs were pressed against his and you watched him slowly reach over and pick up your hand. He laced your fingers with his and gave your hand a squeeze. “I care about you too, you know.” He looked over to you, “I really want to kiss you right now.”
You felt light-headed as butterflies zoomed through your stomach, “Then do it.” You weren’t sure where the confidence to say that came from.
Baekhyun leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours, the hand not holding yours came up and cupped your face softly. He pulled away slowly and rested his forehead against yours.
“I like you, Baek.” You whispered.
He nodded, “I know.”
You sat up and looked at him, “No. I really like you.”
Baekhyun smiled, the first true smile you’d seen since you’d arrived. “I know, sweetheart.” He looked down at your clasped hands, “I don’t want you to think any of this is because of my ex, though. I’ve spent the last week thinking over everything in my life. You aren’t some sort of rebound. You are…” His voice trailed as he squeezed your hand once more, “You’re someone I have felt like I didn’t deserve...but I want to try. I want to try to be worthy of being with someone like you.”
You couldn’t help but scoff at his words, “Then I hope to be able to convince you that you’re worthy of everything good. So maybe we can work on that together?” You were smiling when he looked back up at you.
His eyes dropped to your mouth, and before he could question himself you leaned in and pressed your lips to his again. It didn’t take long for the kiss to deepen as something shifted between the two of you. With your feelings out in the open, the line finally crossed, you fell into him.
Baekhyun slid his arm around your waist and pulled you into his lap, your hands rested on his shoulders and he began trailing kisses down to your neck. You couldn’t stop the whimper that left your lips when he found a soft spot at the base of your neck and bit it gently.
Your fingers dug into his shoulders and Baekhyun groaned softly, “More,” he murmured against your skin, “I want to hear more.” His hands slid up your thighs and along your waist before pulling you down against his lap.
He lifted his face and found your lips again as his hands slowly outlined your body. You felt his fingers slid beneath your shirt and ghost along the skin of your sides and your back. You shivered beneath his touch, grinding your hips down against his.
Baekhyun’s lips moved again, traveling to your jaw and finding the shell of your ear. “Let me make you feel good, baby.” He whispered hotly against your ear.
Another whimper fell from your lips and Baekhyun nipped at your chin. “Can I?” He asked you with a slight tug to your top.
You nodded, probably a bit too quickly, but your head was already foggy from only kissing the man.
He pulled your shirt off from over your head and placed it to the side, his eyes roamed over your bare skin before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to your sternum. His hands slid up your sides and grazed over your covered breasts. He watched as goosebumps covered your skin and your nipples stood for him. He licked his lips and you felt his hands slide to your back and unclasp your bra.
You let the fabric fall away and tossed it away with your shirt. Baekhyun wasted no time sliding his hands back around and cupping your breasts. He leaned forward and took a nipple into his mouth while his thumb flicked over your other nipple. You whined as one of your hands tangled into his hair. You could feel his tongue flick over your sensitive nub.
He sat up and looked at you as his thumb twirled over your nipple again. His bit his bottom lip as he watched you suck in a breath at the contact. He drank in every reaction he could pull out of you as his hands explored your naked torso. He left another searing kiss on your lips before his hands fell to your ass and gave it a pat. “Stand up, gorgeous.”
You did as you were told, climbing out of his lap and standing in front of him. He slid forward and moved his hands up your thighs and to the button of your jeans. His eyes were watching you as he unbuttoned them, waiting to make sure it was okay before he continued. When you made no move to stop him he slid his hands in your waist bands and slid down your pants and underwear in one go.
You took a step back to get out of your pants and Baekhyun moved to his knees on the floor in front of you. You began to feel self conscious, not expecting this to be the way your trip to the apartment would go. But then Baekhyun looked at you, and everything about his warm eyes had you relax. His hands were warm against your thighs and he placed a kiss on the inside of the left. He lifted the leg and you rested your foot on the arm of the couch to the right of his shoulder.
The position gave him open access to your core and he groaned before pressing forward and sliding his tongue up your slit. Your hands found his hair almost immediately, needing something to ground you as his mouth and tongue pleasured you.
You couldn’t leave the noises in after that, Baekhyun’s tongue drove you straight towards an orgasm. You tried not to pull his hair as you moaned his name and felt your body getting closer and closer at an embarrassing rate.
Baekhyun didn’t let up, his fingers dug into the skin of your thighs as his tongue twirled along your clit before he sucked on it gently. He moved slow and steady and you cursed with each switch up from his lips to his tongue. “Baek,” you whimpered, your knees feeling weak, “I’m close.”
He hummed against you and with a few more flicks of his tongue you felt your body fall over the edge of bliss.
Baekhyun moaned as he worked you through your orgasm before your knees started to buckle from oversensitivity. He pulled back and pushed himself to his feet where you met him into a fiery kiss. You licked into his mouth and felt his hands grip your hips tightly.
Your hands slid down his chest towards his own hips when he pulled away and stopped you.
He looked apologetic as he brought your hands to his lips and kissed the tops of them both. “I’m sorry, love.” He gave you a sheepish grin, clearly embarrassed. “I just don’t remember the last time I showered.”
You couldn’t help but let out a laugh when he told you that. You grabbed his face and pulled him in for another kiss. “Well, can your shower fit two people?” You asked him boldly.
He chuckled and nipped at your lips again. “God, I really, really like you.”
hey sam =) i drifted from kpop a few years ago (consequently, related fanfic), but i was reminiscing and suddenly remembered your blog and your writing. i'm not sure what the exact feeling is (definitely a lot of fond nostalgia), but i'm really happy to see you're still around! sending you good vibes and energy for better health and wellbeing ♡
Thank you so much! I’m glad my blog can produce some fond feelings :D
I’m sending those good vibes right back to you! I hope you are doing well <3
For the Drabble game, may I please suggest SHINee Onew, Parents, Fluff number 2 and Smut number 7?
All good if you don't want to do it. Thank you for all your posts, you're so talented.
Onew (Parents AU) + “I saw this and I thought of you.” + “God, I’m so fucking lucky.”
This is set in the same verse as these two stories, but can be read on it’s own!
Three children in a home was not more than you could handle. In fact, you were often glad you decided to have more than one child because they entertained each other half the time. It did mean extra work, extra dishes, extra laundry, extra patience, and not one ounce of extra time to spend with your husband.
Most days, if you were being truly honest, you didn’t mind. Running a household with two of your three children still at home all day was exhausting to say the least. The moment their little heads hit the pillow, yours wasn’t far behind them.
Other days, however, you would consider calling one of the boys or Jinki’s mom and beg them to take your kids for just five minutes of alone time with your husband. You knew they would never care, and they were always willing, but the stubborn part of you wanted to believe you could do it all; husband included.
Fortunately, you were married to a near perfect man. Jinki always knew when you (and him) were at your wits end and needed a little break. He had zero qualms calling his mother and asking her if she wanted a weekend with her grandchildren (and she was always excited to have them). It wasn’t always the biggest turn on, planning ahead for sex, but you’d rather be getting some then none at all.
You had figured out ways to spice things up though, and for this particular weekend you had gone on a bit of a spending spree. While Jinki left to drop the kids off with his mom, you took to your bathroom with your new lingerie in hand.
You were excited when you heard your husband return home and walk into the bedroom to find you at home in your cozy robe. “Everyone do okay?” You asked him as you silenced your phone and placed it on the night stand.
He flopped onto the bed next to you, laying his head in your lap. “You know how it is...Grandma trumps dad any day. They couldn’t have cared less when I left.”
You laughed, “Well, Grandma is a better cook and spoils them rotten so I’d probably choose her over you too.”
Jinki gasped, “Hey! I spoil you rotten.” He sat up and pouted at you.
You grinned and cupped his face to pull him into a kiss, “You certainly do.” You gave him a knowing smile and tugged at his shirt. “You should get these off if you plan on getting into this bed with me.”
He raised an eyebrow at you and looked you up and down. “And robes are allowed?”
You looked down, “You’re right, let me take care of this.” You stood from the bed and untied the robe, letting if fall to the floor.
Jinki’s jaw dropped at the sight of you. Deep ruby red silk ties criss-crossed over your abdomen and thighs, your bra and thong were matching lace that left very little to the imagination. You knew you looked good and you smirked at your husband’s reaction. “I saw this and I thought of you.”
Jinki licked his lips as he looked you over your body, “God, I’m so fucking lucky.”
You crawled towards him on the bed and pulled him into a heated kiss. “You won’t be lucky if you don’t get undressed and fuck me, Mr. Lee.”
He pulled away and immediately yanked his shirt off over his head. “Say less, my love.”
I’m just going to be honest, I’ve been surprised by the comments on my post and the lovely messages I’ve received after saying I wanted to revive this blog. And I really want to say thank you to all of you. With my sporadic posts in the last couple of years I felt as though I was just posting into the void. Tumblr especially is a hard platform to use for writing, but I’ve been here for so long and this blog holds a special place in my heart. I can’t imagine not posting on here. (PS- I do have an ao3 under the same handle if you’re interested)
Because there are those of you who are always quick to encourage me when I am down and always have been so supportive of me I wanted to share what’s going on in my life, if you’re interested of course. If not, that’s okay too!
TLDR; My mental health is zero. My writing sucks. But I’m trying. And I hope we can all benefit from me trying to revive this side of myself <3
In the last year I’m sure we can all say everything has been absolute shit.
For me, I got handed the pandemic, then moving out of Japan back into the US in the height of all of the political stuff going on. I will not go into details, but I will just say the move has taken it’s toll on me. For now I am working on myself for myself. It’s not an easy journey, and I wasn’t expecting it to be as hard as it’s been. But I’m really glad I’m doing this and I’ve really learned a lot. Some weeks just really kick my ass, and this is one of those weeks.
In the last few years my writing has, for lack of a better word, turned to shit. Last night I opened two of my older stories and I was like “wow who is the girl that wrote this” and then I opened my most recent story and I felt so discouraged. It’s crap. My writing is choppy and you can tell I’ve been forcing it. I hate that so much.
I know writing is one of those things that you must do daily in order to keep it flowing and moving. I know you’ll have stories you hate and stories you love. I know all of that, but physically witnessing myself get worse just blows.
So that’s why I want to write more, even if it’s just drabbles or little 1-2k one shots. Even if they aren’t the best I want to practice and build myself up again.
I’m in a weird place in life and I’ve been feeling very lost. This blog used to be a good (healthy) escape for me, and frankly I really want that back. I want to be proud of my writing again, and if I can do that by enjoying my kpop writing blog for a little while then that’s what I’ll do.
I can’t promise I’ll be as active as I was or I’ll pump out fics left and right. But I’ll be here trying and existing. I also do not say any of this to garnish attention or encouragement, so don’t feel like you have to message me or comment on this. I really just wanted to share that part of myself with you :)
Anyway, if you’ve read this far I have a few things for you.
First of all, this is random but I’ve reawakened my love for anime. If you want to scream about anime with me find me @funkylittlecabbage I have a couple story ideas but mostly I just really unleash my inner weeb.
Second of all, I am opening up requests. And by that I mean, drabbles, one-shots, whatever is on your mind. If you’ve got an idea and want to throw it my way please feel free to do so. I will be trying to find some drabble games to play and maybe repost some old favorites. I update my guidelines page with who I write for right now. Sorry it’s not a mobile page! So yeah, sentence starters, song drabble, whatever :)
Love you all! I hope you are hanging in there and doing well <3 Please know I’m always here if you need me!
Welcome back, Samm! We've missed you. I would love to see any notes you have for CEO Baekhyun (Unhinged) if you have any. Also, how are you feeling about Baekhyun lately? ;)
I’m just bamboozled that Baekhyun changed his album name from “Songs I like to get down and dirty to” to Bambi. Very misleading. 10/10 did not expect.
I’m just glad he has a mullet, it distracted me enough to keep me sane lmao
Unhinged spoilers under the cut:
I don’t have any real notes on Unhinged. That was a story that had taken a life of it’s own (aka every Baekhyun fic I’ve ever written why is he like this) and I lost momentum on it. Although, with how bad my mental health has been in this last year it may be easier to depict the story I was trying to create.
My goal was to show Baekhyun’s character that he could find his own way in life and that when you address your trauma and work through it in a healthy way it can change your life for the better. But it’s not easy to do that, and I wanted to really show those dark moments that come when you work on yourself.
Anywhoooo I do have a snippet of the beginning of part 3 that I will share with you!
_____
You’d be lying if you said you weren’t surprised to find Baekhyun sitting in the reception hall of the hospital waiting for you. He didn’t look like a patient, not that he ever did. No, he looked...he looked good.
In one of his designer suits, tailored to fit only him; he’d styled his hair and definitely cleaned up for the night. You were impressed. You walked through the hall, your heels clacking along the tile as you approached him.
You watched him take you in, his face was always unreadable, but you noticed a hint of...intrigue? Something different sparked in his gaze as his eyes met yours.
“You clean up nice, doc.” He told you with a smile. Suddenly you felt self conscious in your black cocktail dress. You were trying to be simple, but next to Baekhyun you felt invisible.
“I guess the same could be said about you, B.”
His eyes narrowed and you smirked, “Alright, come on let’s go.” You ushered him to follow you, but he hesitated. You turned and smiled, holding out your hand for him to take it. “Come on, Baekhyun. I promise it won't be terrible.”
He looked at you for a moment before reaching out and sliding his hand in yours and letting you lead him out of the hospital.
I've seen you have a exo wolfau series with another tumblr collaboration, but the other tumblr link doesn't work. I've searched everywhere, but I can't find it. Maybe you have the links for the rest of the members stories? Sorry for bother you, but I'm crazy for reading these. 😊
P.S.: Hope you can undestand my english 😅
Hello friend, your english is great! I am doing okay, trying to take it day by day.
Unfortunately, the other writer I collabed with has discontinued those stories and deleted her blog. It does not effect the plot of my wolf au’s though, so you can read them on their own :)
I wish you would write a fic where.... suho returns to you after his enlistment and you haven't seen him in 2 years
You almost didn’t recognize him. His hair was still short and his uniform threw you off. How long had it been? Had 2 years really come and gone?
“You have a lot of nerve.” You spoke the thought before you realized.
He frowned, adverting his gaze. “I know, but so much has happened. I’ve changed so much, I’ve learned so much about myself.”
“What does that have to do with me?” You asked him, not losing the edge in your tone.
“It has everything to do with you. Look, I’m not asking you to drop everything and let me back into your life. I’m just asking...can we please just talk?”
Your heart dropped in your chest, but you’d never let him know that. You wanted to believe that going away changed him, that he truly worked on himself. You hoped he had, maybe it would help him find happiness in the future. Unfortunately for you, it was too late. “You lost the chance to talk to me 2 years ago, Junmyeon. I’m sorry.”
You shut the door before he could say another word and before you could see the heart break on his face. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for it, not again.
i wish you would write a fic where shownu snaps me in half like a dry twig
More asks from when I reblogged and ask game and then I forgot about it and never checked my inbox. When I saw this I died because same...but...
You were so glad you did yoga.
Really you only did it because you could do it in the comfort of your own home and for free thanks to some wonderful people who posted on YouTube...and because your boyfriend was a monster in the bedroom and if you didn’t properly stretch he’d probably tear something.
How else could you have your ankles over his shoulders while he bent you in half...literally.
God, it was worth it though. The man fucked hard and no one had ever made you orgasm so hard you passed out before. Which was perfect because who even wanted to be conscious in this day and age?
If you weren’t getting loved down by the hottest man alive who also treated you like a queen, you probably would have stayed unconscious too.
I would love to see you revive the blog or do whatever you want with it! i'm just excited to see you active again!
Thank you so much, friend!
And thank you to everyone who has commented on the post I made. You all have always been the most wonderful followers and so supportive of me. Truly you have no idea how much you’ve gotten me through with your support and enjoying my blog and my stories.
I hope all of you have been doing well, and you are getting through this crazy time in the world we are living in <3
My initial plan of action is to force myself to write and get those muscles working again. This will probably come in the form of a lot of drabble games/requests opening so keep an eye out!
