Kaleidoscope Eyes

I'm pretty lame but that's okay because I have a good taste in music. Silas Grimm, 20, Junior at Rosewood University  {North of Somewhere RP, not Bertie Gilbert}

[thesilasgrimm]

OOC

A note on Silas’ leaving:

Silas is going to move back in with his mom for a few months, start seeing his old therapist again, and get back on medication

He’ll be taking a break from short films, but will continue posting videos on YouTube where he reviews TV shows and movies (This is a headcanon I’ve had for a little while, but not something he really spoke about with anyone. If you want to say your character watches his content, that’s fine by me)

There won’t be many people he keeps in touch with (like me, he’s bad at keeping in touch with people), but he will try to put an effort into calling/texting Emily and Serena

Around September/October, he’ll audition for a web series on an impulse and will get a significant role, which will prompt him to move out once again (for reasons of not wanting to be too Mary Sue-ish it’ll be a made-up series). If you want to say your character watches him in the series that’s also cool with me

I’m not certain if I’ll bring him back to Greensville, but if I do, it will be with a new FC. Bertie Gilbert’s face is permanently being retired due to Bertie’s uncomfortability with being used as a FC (which is not something I knew about when I took him initially)

[thesilasgrimm]

Drive | Self-Para | Leaving Para (5/19/17)

All we do is drive All we do is think about the feelings that we hide All we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign Sick and full of pride All we do is drive

Silas took a deep breath as he drove out of Greensville on that Friday afternoon. The town that he called home for nearly a year was now in his rear-view mirror. The school he spent two years studying at was soon to be a distant memory. He hadn’t made many friends but he hoped the ones he had made knew they were loved. Love. He was never good at expressing love; he either expressed too much or none at all. But what did it matter? Everyone he knew would move on perfectly fine without him. People always ended up being alright without him. 

Silas needed help. He’d known that for a while, but hoped and hoped his problems would just go away on their own. That wasn’t how problems worked though. They manifested, and festered, until he spent every waking moment wishing he were dead, and even the simplest tasks were painful to complete. Silas was sick in the head, and he needed to be on something. But he couldn’t do that without access to his insurance information, and he couldn’t access that without his mother, who would only give it to him if he moved back in with her. 

He gripped the steering wheel as he began to imagine the smug look that would be on his mother’s face when he walked through the door. He could perfectly hear the “I told you so” coming out of her mouth. She knew it, she told you all along that you were going to fail. You can’t do anything with a degree in film. You should’ve done something useful, something practical. Or maybe you should’ve just tried killing yourself again. Maybe this time you could’ve succeeded.  

He felt the car swerve as he went on his internal monologue of self-hatred. However, he quickly got himself back in-between the white lines of the neatly paved road. He didn’t want a car crash to be the way he died, and if he lived, it would be one hell of a hospital bill, which would give his mom another reason to resent him. Right now, he needed her. Not for emotional support– because it wasn’t something she’d give to him– but for the health insurance. He needed his therapist, someone who’d help him sort through the feelings he’s been repressing. He needed to sort out his brain, find peace within himself, and maybe then he’d be able to come back and finish his education. Maybe then he’d be able to live out his dreams.

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[thesilasgrimm]

serena-elis:

It’s okay, it’s not that deep.

[finally manages to blurt out] I’m sorry! [starts tugging at his sleeves] ... I should go. I’m just making things bad again. I’ll text you sometime. [backs up into the door; it takes him a minute to actually open the door, but he eventually manages to turn the knob the right way and leave the apartment, going into visible panic mode once Serena’s out of sight, not wanting her to see him like that]

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

Note to self: Never touch foreign robots.

Or just don’t go into other people’s homes and start touching their stuff.

[thesilasgrimm]

I-- [continuously stutters, unable to get any real words out]

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[thesilasgrimm]

serena-elis:

Did I say you could touch that! Jesus!

Note to self: Never touch foreign robots.

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[thesilasgrimm]

serena-elis:

I have no idea.

[presses the button to turn the robot on out of impulse, then immediately shuts it off once the robot starts shooting fire] Fire robot. Fire! Robot! 

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

[there is a mechanical contraption Ember has made resting on the coffee table, which Silas immediately stares at] What is that thing?

Oh uh, Ember made that for school.

[thesilasgrimm]

Oh. Uh, what does it do?

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

[follows her up to the apartment]

[let’s him in]

[thesilasgrimm]

[there is a mechanical contraption Ember has made resting on the coffee table, which Silas immediately stares at] What is that thing?

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

I mean, we’re at your apartment building…

[unlocks the door]

[thesilasgrimm]

[follows her up to the apartment]

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

Wait, I– [takes a breath before speaking again] Truth be told, I’m really bad at keeping in touch with people. I fall off the grid, I isolate myself. Once I get back… it’s probably going to happen again. I’m just going to need you to be patient with me. Can you?

I can try…did you want to come inside one last time?

[thesilasgrimm]

I mean, we're at your apartment building...

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

I– [was going to say “I will” but gets lost in his tracks; he kisses back, placing one of his hands on her back, wanting to pull her closer]

[pulls away] Goodbye, Silas.

[thesilasgrimm]

Wait, I-- [takes a breath before speaking again] Truth be told, I'm really bad at keeping in touch with people. I fall off the grid, I isolate myself. Once I get back... it's probably going to happen again. I'm just going to need you to be patient with me. Can you?

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

[bites his lip, trying to resist the urge to kiss her then and there] I can’t say you were my first, but you were definitely one of the better ones. And I’ll be back eventually. I took a medical withdrawal, but I would like to finish my education at some point.

Stay in touch, okay? [kisses his lips]

[thesilasgrimm]

I-- [was going to say "I will" but gets lost in his tracks; he kisses back, placing one of his hands on her back, wanting to pull her closer]

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

I think I’m a little above average height, Serena.

I meant the last part...[takes his hands] I will always remember you as my first real love, Silas. I know I couldn’t say it back a the right time, but that didn’t mean I never felt it.  I hope we meet again when the timing is right.

[thesilasgrimm]

[bites his lip, trying to resist the urge to kiss her then and there] I can't say you were my first, but you were definitely one of the better ones. And I'll be back eventually. I took a medical withdrawal, but I would like to finish my education at some point.

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

I know you are. I mean, you’re only average height… but you’re strong.

So are you.

[thesilasgrimm]

I think I'm a little above average height, Serena.

[thesilasgrimm]

|| One Last Goodbye ||

[serena-elis]

thesilasgrimm:

I’ve kind of been cut off from her health insurance until I either get my own or accept that I can’t make it out on my own and come back home crying to her. Her words, not mine. 

You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess…

[thesilasgrimm]

You’ll be alright without me.

[serena-elis]

I’m a big girl.

[thesilasgrimm]

I know you are. I mean, you’re only average height… but you're strong.

[lvd2]

…or at least something a little less shit.

[kunig]

Visit Original Link

Where do we all find love? Where do we all find love? It’s hard to be your man But I’m doing all I can I’m ready to give this all I have I’m ready to be amazed (I’m still breathing) ‘Cause I’m standing here alone Trying to make this life my own (I’m still breathing) And nothing will keep this heart from beating I’m still breathing