"Is butter a carb?" @thethinspodiaries - Tumblr Blog

I tried, guys.

I tried to recover. I tried to fake being healthy and force myself to eat real meals but I am tired. I tried pretending to be happy so I wouldn’t raise suspicion.

I relapsed in more than one way. And I don’t have the capacity to care anymore.

So I suppose for now, I’m back.

Hi my sweet angel faces.

So some updates - I maintain around 112-114 now. I went to therapy for the first time ever and completely avoided talking about my eating disorder, lol. The meds are making me happier though. I feel alive again. I actually think I want to live.

I’m get acting headshots done this weekend and I have an audition for a short indie film soon. I take jiu jitsu classes now. I reached out to friends and let them know how I’m feeling and that I needed help. Life has been really wild.

I’m not sure if I’ll continue to post/reblog thinspo only because I’ve noticed lately it’s been very triggering to me and makes me hate my body even more. I’m trying so hard not to. I have a baby thigh gap now and my ribs are so prominent and I’m at least really happy about that.

The journey to self love is a bitch lmao

I hope you’re all doing your best. You deserve it.

Love, M

😏

But also, I’m sorry you’re all here. I love you and I’m here for you if you need me.

are u british?

Hi! I am not, I’m American

So, an update:

I haven’t eaten a real meal (or even snacks, really) since Saturday. I’m down to 112 lbs. I would feel joy about this if I was capable of feeling anything at all.

I’ve been having a really bad time and my anxiety/depression is at an all time high, so today I met with a psychiatrist for the first time and it’s very likely I have borderline personality disorder. I’m kind of freaking out.

They doubled the meds I’m currently on (Prozac, now 40 mg) and also gave me Rexulti (0.5 mg, 1 mg in a week) and Xanax (0.5 mg) to help me sleep. I’m afraid of the Rexulti, apparently a common side effect is weight gain and I’m not going to let it ruin my progress.

I got home after all of this, made a pizza, ate 3 slices, and then threw up 3 slices. This is not ideal.

#ana #pro ana #not pro just using tags #thinspo

Sorry. I’m having a very hard time functioning right now. I feel like I’m mentally deteriorating and losing my shit over everything. I asked my doctor for a psychiatric referral and I’m hoping they can get me in this week bc I can’t take this anymore. The meds I’m currently on are just making me feel so so bad.

I don’t think I’ll be posting on tumblr for a little while until I can get on new meds and try to get my shit together. I think I need to figure out how to find the will to live again.

Take care of yourselves, please.

#ana #pro ana #not pro just using tags #thinspo