I often find myself pondering the question: why can't I have long-term friends? Throughout my life, I've had friends from different stages—grade school, high school, college, and work. Yet, these friendships seemed to exist only for a specific period, fading away like the changing seasons.
I only have a few friends now—those who are low-maintenance and have been part of my life for years. I am very much grateful for my friends who I can rely on, but I still wonder why I can't maintain more long-term connections. During those moments, they were my friends, and I was theirs. But somewhere along the way, I've struggled with treasuring and nurturing these relationships.
I'm not much of a sharer. I've always been a listener, often finding it hard to open up and express myself. Looking back, I see that the friends I once had are still connected with each other. I wonder what choices I made that led my friendships drift away over time. It's not that we had any major fights; I just failed to initiate conversations, missed out on gatherings, and I guess I wasn't there to cheer them during their highs and lows.
While I haven't figured out how to keep long-term friends yet, I do value the time I spent with the ones I've had. I've always been in the background, quietly hoping they're doing well--cheering them from behind. I wish I was better at maintaining connections because I think life would be more fun with them around.
I long for a day when I can break this cycle and hold onto the friends who matter most. Until then, I'll continue to reflect on my journey, learning and growing in the hope that I can one day become the friend I've always wanted to be.
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