The guest said inquisitively, “What is the green... ‘stuff’ on the chicken?”
The food runner answered obliquely, “That, ma’am, is ‘the sauce’.”
Moron

oozey mess
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@thewaiterwaits
The guest said inquisitively, “What is the green... ‘stuff’ on the chicken?”
The food runner answered obliquely, “That, ma’am, is ‘the sauce’.”
Moron
#circles
#Weighter
Manic Monday’s (start on Sunday)
Which kind are you?
There are two types of people in this world:
Those who stay past close at restaurants;
And those I DON’T want to see hit by a bus.
Reasonable questions.
Waiter: (n) one who waits; food monger
MARTIN, I HATE
A few months ago there was a situation at the restaurant I work at. We came to call it ticketgate. Our system is built around either receiving a sign to "mark your order" or having your name taken if the food is going to be to go (you know, so we can call it out). These titles, be they name or sign, go into the POS and are printed at the top of every ticket. We get a little... creative sometimes. "Hot Messica" for the Jessica that seemed to have done her make-up in the car, with her eyes closed, or "Martin, I hate" for that guy, Martin, who is a fucking prick every single time he comes in. It was this ticket that made it over the counter and was brought to my manager with the question: "What is this?" by Martin, himself, I hate. To clarify, though I agree with the sentiment, I didn't write the fateful line. I'm smarter than that, and I wouldn't have let it get across the counter, but it did. The dust settled, tongue lashings were handed out, threats were made, and the fun of creative naming became a thing of the past. Then Martin brought it back up, just the other day. Why? I'm not sure. He's just that type of bitchy wheel who wants all the grease for himself. I was warned that he was going to be coming in on one of my night shifts, so I was prepared to hand out the tip top service that I know he so requires- desires- however. You know the person that only clarifies a specific need once it's already fucked up? That's this guy- every single time. I went out of my way to ensure that everything was correct, and was made to his specifications (which I pulled out of him like so many rotten teeth). I hand delivered his food, bagged and ready just the way he wanted it. Good job, right? He complained to my GM that I was "pandering" the next day. I give up. I fucking hate you, Martin.
Intuition
Chef/counter guy @ Harold's Fried Chicken and Donuts: "You want the gravy on it or on the side?" Me: On it is fine. Him: I'll put it on the side. The best ones know what you mean, no matter what you say. *this only applies to customer service
A comic about work; on discarded time cards.
A haiku
customer service: to pretend to love someone -you hate; for money
This steak has meat in it?!
It is not my job to list all of the ingredients in a dish and then inquire if any of them are in conflict with either YOUR food allergies or dietary restrictions. “Chicken. You good with that? Good. Good. Fennel okay? Wonderful! Bacon? Oh, no, a deal breaker? Okay.”
Yet here we are. You with the clam chowder, ordered, payed for delivered to you. But oh no, the smell has given away the presence of bacon in a clearly misleading dish. I too assumed that there was just clam and chowder in the clam chowder. Like a jack and coke. Ingredients are right there in the name.
We are not your servants
Who propagated the notion that all restaurants are really personal chefs for those without the income required to hire one for real? To me going out to eat is an acknowledgment that you can't cook or simply don't want to; therefore you are to accept that you're not In total control and the menu is limited. If you want a single poached egg placed on a lightly toasted piece of rye, with crisp bacon- CRISP- on the side what you really need to do is by a pot and pan, and stop inflicting your miserable personality on other human beings.
Actual Questions
"You be havin' chips?"
Trying to be polite
Two customers were embroiled in conversation while I was trying to accept payment for their meals. After finally getting a credit card, I ran it and the transaction came back ***DECLINED***.
Having been in this spot a fair amount myself, I tried to quietly get the attention of the one paying and let them know that I needed another form of payment without letting their friend know.
When they were unable to hear what I had said, instead of asking me to repeat it or some such statement implying human decency, they opted for, “Louder!”
I was glad to oblige.