We were grabbing a bite of lunch at a small cafe, in a mall, right across from a booth that sold jewelry and where ears could be pierced for a fee. A mother approaches with a little girl of six or seven years old. The little girl is clearly stating that she doesnât want her ears pierced, thatâs sheâs afraid of how much it will hurt, that she doesnât like earrings much in the first place. Her protests, her clear ânoâ is simply not heard. The mother and two other women, who work the booth, begin chatting and trying to engage the little girl in picking out a pair of earrings. She has to wear a particular kind when the piercing is first done but she could pick out a fun pair for later.
âI donât want my ears pierced.â
âI donât want any earrings.â
The three adults glance at each other conspiratorially and now the pressure really begins. She will look so nice, all the other girls she knows wear earrings, the pain isnât bad.
She, the child, sees whatâs coming and starts crying. As the adults up the volume so does she, sheâs crying and emitting a low wail at the same time. âI DONâT WANT MY EARS PIERCED.â
Her mother leans down and speaks to her, quietly but strongly, the only words we could hear were â⊠embarrassing me.â
We heard, then, two small screams, when the ears were pierced.
Little children learn early and often that âno doesnât mean no.â
Little children learn early that no one will stand with them, even the two old men looking horrified at the events from the cafeteria.
Little girls learn early and often that their will is not their own.
No means no, yeah, right.
Most often, for kids and others without power, âno means force.â
For the marginalized, our ânoâsâ are discounted as frivolous protests, rebelliousness, or anger issues, or we donât know what weâre talking about, or we donât understand whatâs happening.
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