In talking to my counselor and my psychiatrist, Iām fairly certain K is a narcissist - or at the very least has many narcissistic tendencies. I knew the gaslighting was happening but now that Iām more conscious of it, I notice it happens a lot.
Ex: I told him people distanced themselves from me because of how he treated them. (Telling my mentor - my high school photography teacher - he identifies as black because he grew up poor and in the ghetto. She is black.) He kept telling me that thereās no way they told me that and I must just be misremembering what they said. What?!
He would keep me up super late to fight (like 2-3am when I would have to be up by 6 for work) and wouldnāt let me walk away to cool down.
He would say subtle and not-so-subtle things about my weight and even suggested to my brother and I that we starve ourselves to get to our ideal weight.
He threw my childhood SA in my face and said I come from a incest fueled hick family.
Anytime I would try to get him to do something as a family it was met with anger and grumbling. Just going to the park was a struggle. Even at Disneyland, he was pissed he āhadā to go and was on his phone the entire day.
He would constantly trash my education and that I became a teacher. āOnly idiots become teachers. If you canāt do it then you teach it and you clearly canāt do much.ā
My breaking point was when he started posting about my family on socials making them out to be villains. Namely my grandma, who has been the most healthy relationship and consistent person in my life since birth. I couldnāt allow it.
Thatās just the tip of the iceberg.
I think I settled for him because he was marginally better than my previous ex. He was less abusive, so, like, thatās good - right? Hah. I didnāt have time to grow and develop into my own person. In the last 4 months Iāve been doing just that and it feels fucking amazing. Iām sad I didnāt see it all sooner. Iām sad I didnāt leave when he cheated. Iām sad I didnāt have enough self respect. But Iām getting back to a good place.
