Things I Never Ever Said

[thingsinevereversaid]

Sometime when you're not so headachy or determined to ignore the sexual tension do you wanna make out maybe?

[thingsinevereversaid]

But I can only want these moments with the imagined version of you

This imaginary life, these imaginary things we say to eachother

The imaginary spaces we find to have and to share and to hide.

[thingsinevereversaid]

And I wonder about the weight of your heart How heavy it is the troubles you carry Along with the box of masks you need for all the occasions And it strikes me right now Next to you in the car driving from our old home to our new ones That I would do almost anything to see you happy I just have no idea where to begin And no idea if you'd let me in  And we don't have anything to talk about but the silence is heavy with everything we're not saying

[thingsinevereversaid]

Find the boys who write The boys who scribble in the margins, who collect words like rocks in their pockets, weighty and comfortable and safe if only to be swapped for another next week.  Find the boys who write lyrics to songs they would never sing, but speak louderthan anything they hear on the radio. Find the boys that write anyway. Filling up pages with poems that have only ever seen the secret lamp light. Find the boys who trap their feelings in a combination of letters and numbers, who by scratching them into paper free something in their souls.  Find the boys who read and are enriched by doing so, who tap notes into their mobile phones and breath heavy in bookstores.  Find the boys who appreciate a story, who understand the crafting of narrative and the creation of character. Find the boys who find themselves in books, who's identities are layered with the patina of the words they have read. Find the boys who value a good narrative over a good night. Find the boys that read not just with their heads but with their hearts.

[thingsinevereversaid]

What I said: Its really good to see you.

What I never ever said: Its really good to finally see you. I thought I had imagined you for a minute, that I had daydreamed the way your voice sounds and the gentle slope of your smile. The way you speak with quiet intention, the way your cells vibrate. The way you make sense while I say nothing, the way your soul pools in your irises, the way your breath is some kind of sacred. I waited and waited to see if time would prove you a vision or a fever dream but here you are. I think you might be magic and I spend too much time thinking about you, and I guess I’ve just been waiting all this time to see if you felt it too? The way the floor lilts and my world spins slightly off it’s axis when you are here. 

What you said: It’s really good to see you too. 

[thingsinevereversaid]

You get it don't you? The way the world is weighty and fragile at the same time.