Dimensions Within.

Hey there! Here, I write trash that tend to rot in my mind.

[thinker-belle]

God created a mechanism called reflexes to avoid physical pain but slept through the time he was supposed to create a mechanism for emotional one.

- Bau

[thinker-belle]

I have a problem with “if it's meant to be it will be”, “If he is the one, he will stay”, “if you are the one, he will change”

Well, what about me? If he is not the one, I fucking want to know NOW! I don't want the motherfucking universe to reveal it after I have sold my soul for him. Not after I am already so emotionally invested in us. Not after going through all those times. good and bad.

I'm a pessimist, fucking introverted. I can let go but, the idea of starting all over is overwhelming.

How long will it be before another person knows me like this one does? How long will it be before I can be my self with another human being?

People say first love is the hardest to overcome. They are wrong. You will get over and find better things to do with life in no time. It's the adult ones! the ones that happen after you have gained all the worldly knowledge. All the maturity in the world. When your time is ticking. Those do-or-die relationships are the hardest.

That “it's too early to retire from life, Yet not enough youth left in us to start over” feeling.

SOS

[thinker-belle]

AN: This is something that I wrote almost four years ago. So much has changed since then! Except for the fact that I still adore this person. Though it's been years since I spoke or even texted him. I thought putting this up somewhere is going to give me the closure that I need.

Hello there !

Hehe. It seems as though I am so vulnerable now! ‘Awkward‘. I’d probably die out of embarrassment if you or anyone else were to read it. Anyway, I cannot get over things unless I pen them down. That’s my cope up mechanism.

It’s been an amazing experience knowing you. I wish I had met you sooner. I regret collecting fake shiny stones which at that time seemed like diamonds while a precious pearl was waiting to be adored in an hideous shell. The hideousness being my presumptions.

Numerous things and mutual friends brought us closer. I’m glad it happened. Being friends with the person I adore is new to me. I have stumbled upon and come out in a wrong way every time I tried to suppress what’s me,the side of me that you may not appreciate. Every time that happened, I used to be so embarrassed internally that I wish I sealed my mouth forever or dig a hole and bury myself. All the act that I put up goes in vain anyway as you can read through the fakes.

I have often felt that you acknowledge my presence for the sake of formality and curse me on the inside for taking over to work besides you. You must think I’m one lame plastic. If I had an ability to dig into a person’s heart, I’m sure I wouldn’t get even pennyworth respect for me in yours (not that I lack self-confidence but that’s how different we are!)

Although it pains to see you dwell on others, I wish the time paused. Because going backwards or forward means us growing apart.

I want to ask and say a million things to you all at once.but let’s face the reality, neither do I have the courage nor do we have time. At the blink of an eye, It will all be over. I just want you to know(or not) that I’ve learnt so much from you. I’ve grown so much as a person through out the days that I’ve known you. As our days of working together is coming to an end, All I ask you for is, Don’t ‘dislike’ me.

Stay neutral as you are now even after knowing the real me through my own words.I shall cherish every moment that I’ve spent with you. Savour the conversations and keep dreaming on (at least till time lets me move on).