[thinkinginmodernink]

It's physically draining to constantly be emotionally present

[thinkinginmodernink]

Lifeispassingmeby

Idontknowmansometimesijustwanttotdocrazyspontaneousthingsbutijustcantbecausecrippplinganxietybutiwanttodosomethingwithmyshortlifeandbesomeonewhohasaccomplishedlifeandclockedmultiplelevelsanddoallthesecoolfun excitingintrestingthings.

[matiasrod11]

[ominousallure]

accurate representation of the last 4 years of my academic life

[thinkinginmodernink]

Old tweets

Today i came across some old tweets from 2012 and 2013, major cringe, i feel like i was such an angry person angry at life school other people and i just use to vent on twitter. Looking back on the tweets make me sad to think i wasted time effort and youth on such negativity and such aggressiveness towards myself and others . Im not a hippie love all peace for all sort of person i do have my moments and i definitely don’t love the world and all that are within.But iv learnt to be more accommodating towards others and what they think even if i don’t agree . Im more patient and mature with my feelings and emotions. Yeah i look back at old tweets thinking why?!! Cringing and having regrets but those things have defined my today have made me understand I’m growing I’m human and I’m not on top of the world I’m just going along like everyone else . Just do your best everyday don’t cheat yourself from opportunities grab life my every little thing and live the f out it . And remember its okay to be alone and find yourself don’t search and rely on living life and having different experiences in other people ,live life yourself experience things yourself do things yourself , you don’t need a constant need for friendship and friends to experience everything with. Do your own thing boo,wonder the city on your own (your there every other day) go for dinner on your own to that place you always wanted to try,watch a movie on your own ,ask people questions have conversations . Dont be scared to voice an opinion because someone else's sounds prouder and louder. Channel that energy you had at 14 about not caring what others think (but in a less angry way) .Just allow yourself to grow and learn everyday and don’t let others cling on whilst you do. Be selfish be humble be discreet and don’t give your time ,kindness,love or energy to others that dont care to even reply to a text or phone you or meet up once in a while,keep that shit for yourself. because before you know it you'll be 40 with a couple of kids and wondering what you did with your youth and why you spent it worrying regretting and afraid . Sincerely a lengthy letter, that wasn't intended to become a letter ,to yourself i just wanted to type out some thoughts ,vent some may say, i guess I'm still the same girl from 2012 in some aspects. Just a tinsy bit more clued on life .

[thinkinginmodernink]

these lonely pavements I see

are now just a part of me

its entered my being like a small shrapnel

penetrating obliterating my ideal happiness

perhaps this small shrapnel has just shattered the large shell of constructed reality

who knows

[thinkinginmodernink]

Alone in the city I walk

among the pavements

past those big smiles and big crowds and just little ol me with my little ol smile walking sadly by

[thinkinginmodernink]

Paint on that thick smile

paint on that big fat ugly unhinged smile

and pretend like your on top of the world

hide your fears behind the paint cover it coat it engulf it let it hide under layers of pain

then one day just one day the paint may crumble off and leave a shiny wall

[contourkit-deactivated20160224]

[mouthymercwade]

White Vans would kind of clash.

[thinkinginmodernink]

Happiness Happiless

Happiness ends when the idea of Happiness starts .

First day , Youthful glow

Last day, woeful folk

[thinkinginmodernink]

Fearful Surroundings

Fear will stunt my growth my dreams my ambitions my youth my mind my happiness my smile my optimism my welfare my health my relationships my footsteps my voice my world ,fear is my world the world is fear and I live in a nightmare out of my sleep. sleep the only time it stops.

[thinkinginmodernink]

A Construction of the mind

Construct a powerful thought print it into your mind, which will never falter or break

make an idea

try

the idea is not reached

the construct of that ideal idea remains

I am sad

I have no motive

such is life.

I am still forever sad

[thinkinginmodernink]

Procrastination Pains.

I am a procrastination addict. 18 years and counting, I have two 3000 word essays to write and I have not even begun. Why? WHY? why have you not begun what Is stopping you? the deadline is fast approaching and your word count is fast staying 0. Well its quite a process to why I actually procrastinate. Firstly TV is much more enticing to watch when you have that lingering burden and pressure of finishing OR EVEN starting your work.

Secondly having a fear of starting and it being rubbish and a whole wave of sadness and worthlessness overcomes the fear of this paralyses me from opening the word doc .possibility and  inevitability losing the focus of your essay or not being able to find one hence just being stuck on the first line.- being my worse fear and critique all in one. Something learnt from A2 Lit

thirdly , just cant be bothered with the whole thing no motivation to write an academic essay which limits creativity with set questions and set structures to help validate the whole of your thinking.

The procrastination Pains will continue until Its to late like the rest of the pivitol moments/ opportunities in my life wrecked  reeked  ruined and haunted by the pain of procrastination.

[intrixy]

[thinkinginmodernink]

Body Image

image , is just the thing we see on the outside, remember that the next time you think your not good enough because your not as narrow or toned as the person on your screen or stood next you. its what's inside that always counts , looks will fade.

[thinkinginmodernink]

16.12.15

Writing out the words and feelings can let your thoughts escape temporarily permanently or for that split second . it feels good , free, liberating so this page was thus re- born. Whenever I feel , or think , or rant, or believe I will express it through the medium of internet ink.

[thegoodvybe]