fleeting moments pass and then he is burdened by the belief he canât touch johnâs face anymore . he is overwhelmed with the idea that he is tainting him - the sudden and crippling belief that this was still something that stemmed from the what had happened prior in their day, that this was just a continuation of something adam had damaged and never sought to fix. but first and foremost he has to pacify john, reassure the other that what he thinks and says isnât anything that he should hold as something that separates adam out of the many who have yet to appreciate him for all he is worth. â you always deserve to be happy john, youâre just one of those people who doesnât deserve anything bad to happen to them. â
â and you are worth so much more than i am ⊠you are so good and so perfect - you are worth so muchâŠ. and i probably donât tell you this enough but i suppose you are worth everything to me- you mean the entire world to me. â what scale was john using to determine his own worth, and how skewed was it that it placed adam above him? it was backwards and unauthorized to allow john to tell adams things such as that, because it was unfathomable to adam how he ( with his blatant selfish tendencies and his uncanny ability to destroy everything in his wake ) would be worth more than john ( the man who suffered through miles of pouring rain just to hand over papers that with adamâs best guess were worth a lot less than john was hoping ). in his mind john should be placed on a pedestal, the epitome of what adam felt it meant to be a wholly wonderful human being and a perfect one at that. yet things didnât always happen like adam wanted them to, and the drastic difference in their beliefs was a clear example of that.
finally, he remembers to pull his hand away from johnâs cheek in one fluid moment before any more damage is done. he doesnât quite know what to do with the freed appendage so he tucks it back into his sweatshirt pocket and toys with the papers that had also been shoved in there as well ( if only he didnât also feel as if john was dependent on the arm he had designated to cradling around his waist, or else the other hand would have been promptly shoved back in there too and his fingers would have been tangled around each other and twiddled like he innately does when he canât stop his mind from becoming restless ). how calm he appeared to be was all an something he tried to maintain for johnâs sake, because he internally  undoubtedly bursting at the seams due to the gravity of what had been done. â i ⊠iâm sorry that i make you feel like you must ⊠go all this way, in the rain just to give me something so ⊠meaningless. â
he bites his lower lip in though, committing the gesture with enough force that it caused him to wince but it still was not hard enough to pierce the delicate flesh. when adam had said what he did, about wanting to be defended , he thought he had uttered those words freely and without consequence - but he forgot that when he says things they tend to hurt other people and john was just display to him a different kind of hurt. the kind that stems from loving someone too much and having to do whatever it takes to make them love you back again.â did you do it because i was angry with you? did you do this to appease me? â
biting his lip was to provide some sort of comfort for him, it was one of those things he did when he needed to maintain some semblance of placidity ( like playing with his hands or sighing every four seconds ) but it wasnât working because he couldnât quite stop himself from tearing up and eventually crying. â i ⊠i love you, even when iâm mad , and i wonât love you any less if you just make me go get my things at a later time, okay? iâm not that heartless john - iâll always love you, regardless of the circumstances. â
fleeting moments pass and then he is burdened by the belief he canât touch johnâs face anymore . he is overwhelmed with the idea that he is tainting him - the sudden and crippling belief that this was still something that stemmed from the what had happened prior in their day, that this was just a continuation of something adam had damaged and never sought to fix. but first and foremost he has to pacify john, reassure the other that what he thinks and says isnât anything that he should hold as something that separates adam out of the many who have yet to appreciate him for all he is worth. â you always deserve to be happy john, youâre just one of those people who doesnât deserve anything bad to happen to them. â
â and you are worth so much more than i am ⊠you are so good and so perfect - you are worth so muchâŠ. and i probably donât tell you this enough but i suppose you are worth everything to me- you mean the entire world to me. â what scale was john using to determine his own worth, and how skewed was it that it placed adam above him? it was backwards and unauthorized to allow john to tell adams things such as that, because it was unfathomable to adam how he ( with his blatant selfish tendencies and his uncanny ability to destroy everything in his wake ) would be worth more than john ( the man who suffered through miles of pouring rain just to hand over papers that with adamâs best guess were worth a lot less than john was hoping ). in his mind john should be placed on a pedestal, the epitome of what adam felt it meant to be a wholly wonderful human being and a perfect one at that. yet things didnât always happen like adam wanted them to, and the drastic difference in their beliefs was a clear example of that.
finally, he remembers to pull his hand away from johnâs cheek in one fluid moment before any more damage is done. he doesnât quite know what to do with the freed appendage so he tucks it back into his sweatshirt pocket and toys with the papers that had also been shoved in there as well ( if only he didnât also feel as if john was dependent on the arm he had designated to cradling around his waist, or else the other hand would have been promptly shoved back in there too and his fingers would have been tangled around each other and twiddled like he innately does when he canât stop his mind from becoming restless ). how calm he appeared to be was all an something he tried to maintain for johnâs sake, because he internally  undoubtedly bursting at the seams due to the gravity of what had been done. â i ⊠iâm sorry that i make you feel like you must ⊠go all this way, in the rain just to give me something so ⊠meaningless. â
he bites his lower lip in though, committing the gesture with enough force that it caused him to wince but it still was not hard enough to pierce the delicate flesh. when adam had said what he did, about wanting to be defended , he thought he had uttered those words freely and without consequence - but he forgot that when he says things they tend to hurt other people and john was just display to him a different kind of hurt. the kind that stems from loving someone too much and having to do whatever it takes to make them love you back again.â did you do it because i was angry with you? did you do this to appease me? â
biting his lip was to provide some sort of comfort for him, it was one of those things he did when he needed to maintain some semblance of placidity ( like playing with his hands or sighing every four seconds ) but it wasnât working because he couldnât quite stop himself from tearing up and eventually crying. â i ⊠i love you, even when iâm mad , and i wonât love you any less if you just make me go get my things at a later time, okay? iâm not that heartless john - iâll always love you, regardless of the circumstances. â
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