thoughtsbyclown

Just to be clear, these thoughts are not supposed to be written by a literal clown. Say anything that's on your mind. 

[thoughtsbyclown]

I feel like I’m having a HUGE regression to my middle school years and I feel so STUPID but I also feel like I can’t do anything about it, and like I just keep bothering everybody, and they know I’m acting immature so they just ignore me, which doesn’t help at all because now I have no support from anyone and I gotta deal with this by myself, WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENED IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. This fucking,,,, cycle is never going to stop, huh? I’m left in the body of a 20 year old with a huge regression to the mental state of a 15 year old, crying out for help in the worst ways possible, but feeling unable to actually ask for help. 

god, my therapist is going to scold me so badly next session and she’s going to sound so annoyed and I will feel worse and I will cry all the time and i MIGHT HAVE TO stop going to therapy and Im just failing at it and at everything so i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO LKDSJFDSKA

[thoughtsbyclown]

It’s really weird that I in fact do not want to be here and the only escape i’ve got, sleep, is something I really don’t want to do. Huh, weird. Weird weird. 

[thoughtsbyclown]

Am I grateful for the people in my life? No.

Is that good? Probably not.

It’s maybe not their fault either way, I just hate life right now and people annoy me for some reason. In my mind I feel like I wouldn’t care less about who’s around me, if they leave or not. I don’t feel close to anybody and I might decide to keep it that way. I’m so tired of dealing with people.

[thoughtsbyclown]

What’s amazing about having a SO is that, if everything is going well, you’re never alone. Ever since I broke up with mine, all I feel is loneliness. I can’t make any friend replace them because they have their own SO.

[thoughtsbyclown]

Sad clown is back

I feel like my friends dont actually like me but jokes on them because they cant dislike me more than i dislike myself

[thoughtsbyclown]

I sometimes feel like I might be pretty and then somebody shows up and says “ugh i got hit on again today its so annoying” and I realize people really flirt with the ones they find attractive and then I remember nobody has ever flirted with me and I Feel the NEED TO rip my FACE OFF because why cant i be fucking attractive TO ANYONE

[thoughtsbyclown]

im sorry im so petty and i feel like every online interaction where people dont agree wth me is a fight 

[thoughtsbyclown]

Mint tea is just 🍵

[thoughtsbyclown]

why is being heard all i want

why am i desperate for attention

[thoughtsbyclown]

i read somewhere that being bilingual doesnt really reduce your overall vocabulary, but the average number of words just divides by two. i guess this is why i talk in spanglish

[thoughtsbyclown]

the guy from foster the people is attractive. imagination? explosive. 

[thoughtsbyclown]

no joke i spent like 30 minutes thinking of how to make this blog while listening to emo oldies 

[thoughtsbyclown]

My writing is... not bad but I’m too mediocre and lazy to do anything in order to make it better. 

[thoughtsbyclown]

The umbrella academy is fucking good and even though one friend told me they didnt like it, i literally can’t find anything bad about it. 

[thoughtsbyclown]

Now that I’ve made this blog I literally have no thoughts to share. what the f 

[thoughtsbyclown]

This is just me, posting my thoughts.

I am not a literal clown, I just think I’m an idiot. 

I do not want to post these on my main blog because (1) too many people that know me follow me there. 

I’m sorry in advance.