Thoughts of a Sinister Person

Just the thoughts of mine.

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Day #6

I think I’ll write here when I have something to write.

Just fuck up.

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Day #5

Nothing to say. Mabye I’ll have a new guitarist in my band.

By the way, nothing to say.

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Day #4

Today I bought a Che Guevara t-shirt for my mother. She’s birthday is the first Spring day. I hope she will like that, but I think I’m sure.  Today I also slept a lot, so I think I won’t sleep tonight. That’s not good, I haven’t new movies to watch. 

There’s a girl that said me ‘culture is more exciting than the ‘great muscled men’. Sounds good eheheheheh!

I want some violence and sex right now.

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Listening to Apati right now.

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Day #4

Sigh... Nothing to say... Too boring, I feel so alone...

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Today’s playlist:

Trist’s Zrcadlení Melancholie, Happy Days’ Happiness Stops Here and ColdWorld’s Melancholie². Because sadness and solitude can’t wait for me.

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Day #3

Yeah, I’m listening to my favourite Marilyn Manson record, ‘Mechanical Animals’. I bought that CD for 4 euros. That aphrodisiac music...

Today was a boring day, as the same as the others. I have no money to go to Venice to see my friends, but they can live without me, the fake happy clown. I remember a quotation of a friend: ‘Are you really depressed as you want to show? I don’t think so. You’re so funny!’ Mission complete. Next step: be happy for real without illusions. I feel like Ned Vizzini or Robin Williams, my smiles are so fake and they’re pure therapy.

Marilyn Manson says that there are pills to make you numb, to make you dumb and to make you everyone you want, but all the drugs in this world won’t save you from yourself. 

I don’t want drugs, I want people, I hate my loneliness and solitude...

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That’s very cool. I need someone.

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Day #3

Nothing to say.

Just fuck you, fuck myself, fuck life.

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'When i was a child, i knew the cruelty I learned to hate everything I loved.'

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Day #2

Nothing to say. All the days are just the same. I’m so bored. I rest in my room almost all the day... In bed, at the pc, listening music or reading something. I think I’m going to caress my scars. I don’t want summer, the people don’t watch other on me. I have an ex girlfriend who is writing me right now. I just want to have violent sex with her but nothing. Obviously. 

I usually sleep at 3:00 am, I don’t want to wait. I hate these days. Today I watched the sky for almost an hour, it was beautiful. I love spring. I love when the wind moves my hair. But I feel nothing, I don’t like that... I want to feel something... Good or bad... But there’s nothing... Nothing. Zero.

I feel nothing, I am nothing.

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Listening to Sopor Aeternus & The Ensemble of Shadows right now.

‘If love was something I could feel, at least some kind of cheerfulness ...- but i feel nothing, drowned in pain, half-frozen in my emptiness Beyond this veneer of friendless lies my true face, that no-one knows. This mask's a lie, obvious and sad, my heart is empty and all is cold.’

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Hecate Enthroned -  Upon Promeathean Shores (Unscriptured Waters)

‘The most Supreme Vision of all, for the Sharpening of Deepest Midnight In the Essence of Perpetual Winter... Is my Journey complete?’

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Sunset right now.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to see the colors, but now the sky is so grey... Spring is the most beautiful season, I’ll wait here to see her wonders and to forget my wounds.

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‘Thou art the Emperor of Darkness. Thou art the king of howling wolves.’

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Mishima Yukio - La Dimora delle Bambole

‘Persin le rose memori dell’estate evanescenti vivranno in autunno, ma ora che la felicità ho conosciuto triste il mio corpo dovrà perire.’

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Day #1

First day on Tumblr. The lesson of the day for my family is: ‘you must to be forced to make things like going to the funerals, you can’t think only about yourself.’ Yeah, that’s cool dude. But I still think I’m depressed because I think too much to the others. 

I can’t to be forced to go to a funeral. People in general can’t to be forced to go to funerals. By the way the church was full of people that loved the deceased. She was really loved. 

The people who die before is the loved people. That’s why I don’t die.