Lover Of Angst With Happy Endings

She/her/they Rowaelin obsessed user in need of fanfic and a social life

[throneofus7]

HELP ME FIND A ROWAELIN FIC 😭

I logged back here after a few years and I’m looking for a fic and it’s driving me insane.

What I remember:

Rowan and Aelin were childhood friends.

Their families were involved in professional racing/F1 (I think?).

Aelin was a ballerina before a major crash.

The crash left her with a permanent leg injury and ended her ballet career.

Rowan's father and Aelin's father were both severely injured/comatose after the crash.

Aelin testified against Rowan's father, and Rowan blamed her family for years or something like that.

Aelin later struggled with smoking, depression, and an overdose.

Elide acted almost like a sponsor/chaperone after the overdose.

Rowan first saw Aelin again when she got off a private jet wearing orange pants and smoking a cigarette or something like that.

There was a scene at a bar where Aelin was leaning on Dorian for support because of her leg. Rowan saw it and thought Dorian and Aelin might be together, but he DIDN'T know she was injured yet.

Rowan later got very drunk and had a heart-to-heart conversation with Aelin.

PLEASE tell me someone knows the title or author 😭 lowkey going insane

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now - ch. 16

Fic masterlist

This writer ran away because she’s too nervous to write an A/N

Warnings: language

Words: 2,5k

Aelin hadn’t slept an ink today, partially because Rowan took her sleeping pill for last night, and she brought a limited amount for this trip.

She cuddled Maisie, caressing the little girl’s back as she reminisced about what happened. Aelin’s body went stiff every time he moved in his sleep, holding her breath, trying to anticipate what would happen in this conversation that was long overdue.

Aelin liked to be private about her mental health issues, but she knew they weren’t a big deal. She wasn’t special for taking sleeping pills and antidepressants, and millions of people went through the exact same thing. Still, every time Aelin opened her mouth, she choked with the words and let them die on the back of her throat, clogging it further as the years passed by with every word she wished she’d said, but didn’t.

When Rowan’s movements went from sporadic and uncoordinated to a clear motion of him dragging his hand to scratch his eyes, Aelin’s pulse skyrocketed. She stayed frozen, unable to breathe until he turned around and gave her a faint smile.

“Morning.” Rowan’s tone was husky, and he moved closer to take a sniff at Maisie’s hair—who Aelin may or may not be using as a human shield at the moment.

“Hey.” Aelin gave him a tentative smile. “How do you feel?”

“Like I died.”

She grimaced. That was predictable, since he took sedatives he didn’t need for the first time. Aelin got up and sat on the edge of the other side of the bed, making him turn around to face her.

She held Rowan’s hand, fiddling with his knuckles and fingers. “What do you remember from last night?”

He sat up against the headboard and scratched his eyes before answering, “My mom and I were playing with Maisie, but I had a headache, probably from the sun. Then I came upstairs and… oh.” Rowan’s brows went up for a moment. “Okay, I see where you’re getting at.”

Aelin squeezed his hand, her heartbeat still fast despite his ease. “You took my sleeping pill.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that.” Rowan ran a hand through his frazzled hair, frowning. “I remember you had trouble sleeping, I just thought it was Maisie’s fault,” he mentioned how she half-lied to him about her insomnia being due to the pregnancy.

“You’re not upset I take them?” Aelin’s voice was careful, testing the waters to see how far she should go with this conversation.

“No, why would I be?” Rowan blinked, raising his eyebrows to drag his eyelids open for a second, not fully awake yet. “They’re actually quite effective. I get the appeal now.“ He sighed, looking a bit more serious now. “I just don’t get why you lied to me.”

Indeed, telling him her psych meds were headache pills wasn’t her brightest move. Aelin rubbed her hand against her forehead, trying to think of a good way to explain this, when she noticed little green eyes staring them down, Maisie’s brows wrinkled as she hid under her blankie.

Despite the unrest in the pit of Aelin’s stomach, she smiled at her daughter. “Good morning, Maisy Daisy.”

Rowan quickly picked Maisie up and put her in his lap, kissing the crown of her head. “Are you hungry?”

“Hey,” their daughter said with a hesitant tone. “Not hungry.”

“Are you sure?” Aelin wiggled her eyebrows. “I heard your grandma has chocolate cake downstairs.”

Maisie looked conflicted, chewing on her bottom lip while her eyes darted between her parents until she agreed. Aelin took the little girl’s hand and led her downstairs, leaving on a silent agreement with Rowan that he’d wait for her to come back.

“Good morning, you two,” Owen greeted, in the kitchen. If the smile he sent Aelin was soft, the one reserved for his granddaughter was absolutely mushy as he and Rory showed everything they brought from the bakery earlier today.

Maisie didn’t look like her usual self, though. Her plate still looked like a little mountain, stuffed with more food than she was capable of eating, but her expression was borderline downcast, not what Aelin expected for a morning with baked goods and her grandparents.

Aelin was putting together a small tray with two croissants and orange juice, for herself and Rowan, when she asked her daughter, “Honey, can you stay with your grandparents for a minute?” Aelin wrinkled her nose, dramatically feigning annoyance for the little girl’s sake. “Your dad and I need to talk about boring, grown-up stuff.”

“No, I want to go with you.”

Aelin snapped her head back to the little girl. “What?”

Maisie’s green eyes looked wary as she studied her mother. It was a rare thing, her being hesitant to hang out with her grandparents.

“I thought you and Daddy didn’t fight anymore.”

Her daughter’s small, concerned tone was a punch to Aelin’s gut. With all the fights, therapy and trying to make amends, she hadn’t talked about it with Maisie once. The only reason Aelin even knew the little girl was aware of it was because of her drawings and the teacher.

Truth was, Aelin wasn’t going to bring her issues with Rowan to their five-year-old daughter. But her chest felt hollow as she considered that maybe her communication with Maisie was lacking too much, making her anxious even after they were in a better place.

Aelin sat by Maisie’s side, carefully assessing the little girl’s guarded expression. “Your dad and I used to fight a lot. I bet that made you upset, huh?”

Maisie didn’t answer, just pouted with her eyes trained on her breakfast.

“I’m so sorry you saw that, Mais.” Aelin caressed the crown of her head. “But it’s okay to disagree sometimes. Remember what happens when you don’t want to stop playing before dinner?”

”I get upset.”

“And when do I get upset?”

Maisie’s expression turned sheepish. “When I yell at you.”

“That’s right.” Aelin’s tone was calm, reassuring despite the mention of her daughter’s misbehaving. “Because disagreeing is normal, what’s important is that we always respect each other.”

“But you yell at Daddy too.”

“Your father and I used to yell at each other a lot, yes.” Aelin held back a grimace, feeling her face heat when she noticed Rory and Owen both were pointedly not looking at them during her talk with Maisie. “But we realized we were wrong, apologized, and stopped it.” Aelin put a hand on the little girl’s shoulder to grab her attention further. ”Because your dad and I are friends, okay? No matter what happens, it’s never your fault, and we’ll always love you very much.”

“‘Kay.” Maisie nodded, fiddling with her spoon. “Love you too.”

“I’m going upstairs, your dad and I are not going to yell at each other, and then we’ll find you and play whatever you want. Is that okay with you?”

Maisie’s nod was solemn. “Hopscops?”

“Of course.” Aelin kissed her daughter’s forehead, grabbed her breakfast tray and excused herself from the kitchen, leaving with sympathetic looks from Rowan’s parents.

˜˜

”You’re tense.”

“I’m not,” Aelin said before chomping on her croissant. She wasn’t even hungry. In fact, Aelin felt like she could retch her breakfast any minute now. But for some reason, right now, she’d rather vomit croissant than the words stuck on her throat.

It’s not a big deal, she repeated inside her head before balking over and over again.

“You are. You’re so tense you’re making me tense too.” Rowan sipped his cup of coffee, only half aware of her anxious state. “Is this about the sleeping pills? Because I don’t mind that I took them. In fact, I don’t think I slept that well ever since Maisie was born.”

“The sleeping pills…” Aelin trailed, weighing how small those baby steps would be. “I take them with a psychiatrist.”

“Elide?”

“No, Dr. Blackbeak.” A pause. “I can see her anytime from every three weeks to every six months. It really depends on how well I’m doing.”

He frowned. “Like how well you’re sleeping?”

”Could be.” Aelin’s breaths were too shallow, her heart too fast. “But it’s mostly about how well I’m doing with my antidepressants.”

”Your…” Rowan blinked one, twice. “What?”

Aelin‘s stomach rolled, his baffled face creeped a crawling sensation on her skin. She rubbed her temple with two fingers, wondering how she should deal with his confusion. Again. If Rowan had a similar reaction from last time, she wouldn’t know what to do.

She held his face with both hands. Aelin’s voice was gentle and firm when she said, “Don’t say anything until you fully process what I’ll say, okay?” She waited until he nodded to continue, “I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in my late teens. That doesn’t mean I’m sad all the time, I’m just prone to have depressive episodes throughout my life. One of my episodes was postpartum depression, which I’m sure you know what it is.”

Rowan‘s eyes widened and he opened his mouth, but she beat him to it.

“No. Think about it, talk later.”

He silently nodded then collapsed against the headboard, his eyes growing distant as if he was watching a movie in his head. Aelin watched as Rowan’s body became unnaturally still, his aimless gaze on the wall behind her going from bewildered to haunted.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Then Rowan muttered something incomprehensible to himself a moment later, but Aelin decided it was better to give him more time to process it. Half because of him, half because she was dreading his next words.

“Shh.” Aelin ran a finger on his bottom lip, sealing his mouth closed. “Not yet.”

But Rowan aimed his anguished green eyes towards her, his gaze so intense it rendered her speechless. He gently took her wrist off his hand.

“I failed you.”

Aelin stiffened, a sudden coldness hitting her core. “Don’t say that.”

It could look like that depending on which angle they saw it, but it isn’t how Aelin liked to think. This wasn’t the time to argue about it with him, but even if Rowan had messed up in the past, she also did her own mistakes that led to their separation before that fateful day. Lying to him, for example. She was hoping to correct this one today.

“Aelin, I—“ He motioned to caress her face, but stopped his hand in the air. Instead, he reached to squeeze her hand. “I’m so, so sorry. I can’t even—“ Rowan let out a deep, pained breath. “I should’ve been there, Aelin. I should’ve…” He rubbed both hands on his face. “I was so mad at you, but just to think you were sick, and I left you alone in that house with Maisie, I—“

“I told you to leave, Rowan.” Her voice was gentle yet firm, but it didn’t seem to soothe him in the slightest.

“I loved you.”

Time slowed down, Aelin’s muscles went numb, her core too heavy as she struggled to grasp his words.

He loved her?

Rowan cared about her back then, Aelin was sure he did, but love?

He continued, “And if I weren’t so blind, then angry too…” Rowan muttered, his voice cracking. ”I shouldn’t have left after one fight. I should’ve asked you questions, I should’ve put you before my concerns—“

“You loved me?”

Rowan nodded, his pine-green eyes having the same agonized, crumbling look from five years ago. “I still do.”

Aelin’s mouth fell open, and she felt dizzy all of a sudden. She couldn’t think, it was her pounding heartbeat and tingling skin that made her itch to touch his skin. Aelin outstretched her hand to caress his left cheek, stroking her thumb against it and—

He flinched.

She jerked away from him, confused. Rowan just told her he loved her, didn’t he? Or did she hallucinate—

It took her a few moments to grasp what happened. This didn’t look like a standing-by-your-window-and-begging-for-your-love kind of confession. Rowan’s posture was hunched, and the crease between his brows and ragged breath was a painstaking portrayal of his tormented state.

Aelin had five years to process what happened. So far, Rowan had five minutes.

It wasn’t the right time to make a romantic advance, so Aelin moved to sit next to him and hug him. However, he was the one to hold her instead.

“I should’ve been there with you, I… I won’t make the same mistake twice. I promise.” He kissed the crown of Aelin’s head, holding her as if she was his lifeline. “And if you need me, I can…” Rowan sighed, running his palm against his face. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, but I’ll do it.”

“Hey!” Aelin exclaimed, trying to lighten up the mood. “I’m a big girl, okay? I can take care of myself. I just wanted you to know.”

“I know you can, it’s just…” he trailed, crumbling against the headboard. “How did you handle things? When Maisie was little.”

“Littler, you mean? Is that even a word?”

Rowan squeezed her hand. “Tell me.”

“Shared custody broke my heart, but it allowed me to have time for myself.” Aelin closed her eyes, supporting her head against his shoulder as a bittersweet feeling took over her. “Turns out my family got so overbearing after you left the house, their assistance almost made me lose my mind.” Aelin snorted, overwhelmed with memories of her fussy family. “Dorian was there almost every weekday, even after Fenrys moved into his house.”

“And how about you?”

“Healing was a… painfully slow process, but I was in a really good place when Maisie was a toddler.”

“Really?” Rowan sounded almost like himself now, his tone close to a tease. “I’m pretty sure my job only got harder when Maisie learned how to speak.”

She laughed at his snarky comment, her chest filling with warmth. Parenting such an argumentative little girl wasn’t an easy job indeed, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Aelin didn’t know if her reveal was a success or not. Rowan was understanding, yes, which she was grateful for, but she didn’t expect him to feel guilt. To be honest, she didn’t want him to feel bad about it at all. Aelin just wanted to forget about that whole thing and move forward with him.

“And how did you get to see Yrene every week?” Rowan frowned. “I can’t imagine going to her office every week when Maisie was a baby.”

“I was seeing Nesryn back then, Yrene’s kind of a recent addition. And I had online sessions.”

“Oh.” Rowan’s brows went up. “I forgot that was an option.”

Aelin chuckled and snuggled him further. Whereas she hadn’t forgotten about her promise to play hopscotch with Maisie, right now, Aelin just wanted to hold Rowan in bed and answer the million questions he had.

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[throneofus7]

I start school again tomorrow and this just singlehandedly soothed all my nerves I LOVE THIS (also could u plz add me to your tag list because i do NOT wanna miss any chapters) 🫶

[sydneymack]

Aelin and Rowan - Throne of Glass

Artist: @/aiphos.a / @aiphoss

[sydneymack]

Aelin and Rowan - Throne of Glass

Artist: @/faithfularts._

[golden-kingdom]

Favorite Crime - Chapter 2

Word count: 4.5k

Warnings: Mentions of violence

Author’s note: I'm so inspired by this fic, I can't stop writing. So you get chapter 2 earlier than expected. Like I said in the first chapter, I can't guarantee a schedule so enjoy for now. I'm on spring break so I might have another chapter written before the end of the week but I don't want to promise anything.

Masterlist

Read it on AO3

Celaena arrived at Arobynn’s office after a quick shower and took a deep breath before knocking on the wooden door. It took a minute, but her boss finally replied.

“Come in.”

He was busy speaking on the phone, so Celaena sat down on the plush armchair in front of his large black desk and waited. She knew he liked to test her patience and her commitment by making her wait like this. She looked around the room. Arobynn was a rich man and he liked to show it off. His office was big, with dark walls, polished wooden floors, and a deep red rug sweeping under his desk. There were a few bookshelves against the wall behind him, though she doubted he was much of a reader. It was mostly for appearance.  Lined on the shelves were all kind of expensive decorative objects and bottles of alcohol. On his right was a large window overlooking the courtyard and on his left was a painting, no doubt exorbitant and made by someone famous. The lighting was always dimmed to create an ambience as ominous as the man sitting there. She always felt a little claustrophobic in here, no matter the size of the room.

After a few minutes, he finally ended the call, putting his phone down. He looked up, staring at her like she was an inconvenience when he was the one who had asked to see her in the first place.

“I want you to follow Whitethorn,” Arobynn simply stated, crossing his long fingers in front of him.

Celaena had to take a few seconds to make sure she had heard him correctly.

“You want me to do what?” she asked, baffled by the sudden change of plan.

“I know you heard me perfectly, Celaena, don’t make me repeat myself,” he replied in a tone leaving no room for debate.

“But you told me to stay away from him,” she insisted.

“Yes, but it doesn’t prevent you from trailing him and gathering information on his investigation, does it?” the man said with irritation in his voice.

He moved his chair forward, getting closer to Celaena, and looked her in the eyes with his piercing gray stare.

“Let me make this perfectly clear,” he started, drawling out the syllables. “You are under strict orders to never approach him or reveal yourself to him.”

“I understand,” Celaena replied quickly.

“Do you? Because the last time you didn’t seem to understand.”

“I won’t approach him. I’ll follow him from a distance,” she said in an obedient tone that was unlike her. But she knew it’s what he wanted to hear.

“Good,” he said with a smile that was all but comforting.

When Celaena didn’t stand up, he added: “That’s all. You can leave.”

She didn’t have to be asked twice. She hated this place. She had clear memories of all the times Arobynn took his anger out on her in here.

…

Rowan was late to work. He had had another sleepless night thinking about her. He hadn’t even had time to stop at his favorite coffee shop on the way. He would have to do with the office’s bland coffee. Though that wouldn’t do much for the dark circles under his eyes.

Serving himself a cup in the kitchen space and focused on his thoughts, he didn’t hear his colleague arrive. He startled when a hand landed on his shoulder.

“Gods damn, Whitethorn, why are you so stiff?” Fenrys asked with his usual laugh.

Rowan glared at the blonde man in response.

“Not a good day, I’m guessing?” Fenrys said sarcastically.

“How perceptive of you, Moonbeam,” he deadpanned, putting down the coffee pot.

Fenrys didn’t let his tone deter him. He was used to Rowan’s broody temperament.

“Maybe you’ll be happy to learn Salvaterre has new information on Sardothien,” he told Rowan.

Rowan instantly looked up from his coffee cup. 

“How do you even know that?” Rowan asked him, trying to not look too eager even though he was dying to learn what Fenrys knew.

Fenrys didn’t miss the way Rowan’s attention shifted at the mention of the assassin.

“Ah! I knew it was about her,” his colleague exclaimed. “You gotta stop obsessing over her, my friend.”

Rowan glowered at this, giving the blonde man a dark look.

“I’m not the one who has the hots for a psychopath,” he replied.

He took a sip of his coffee. It was horrible but he needed the caffeine to stay awake.

“I don’t have the hots for her. I just like to imagine how she looks under that hood. Someone so skilled has to be beautiful. Don’t you ever wonder what she looks like?” Fenrys mused.

“No, I have better things to do,” he replied without missing a beat. “And skilled? Is that how you qualify a murderer?”

“You gotta admit she’s good at what she does,” replied the younger man.

“I don’t have to admit to anything. My job is to catch and arrest a criminal. The end,” he said, indicating the conversation was over.

“You’re boring,” complained Fenrys, pouting.

Rowan didn’t even bother replying to that and left the kitchen. He headed straight to his boss’ office. He knocked on the door and the only answer he got was grunt. He opened the door and let himself in. Lorcan took his eyes off the papers in front of him and looked at Rowan, waiting. The dark-haired giant was man of few words, Rowan knew that, so he got straight to the point.

“Moonbeam told me you have new info on Sardothien,” he told him.

“Yes, sit down,” Lorcan simply replied.

Rowan took a seat in front of him.

“Remember Sam Cortland, the young man we found almost dead at the docks a few weeks ago? He wants to talk to us,” Lorcan said.

Rowan remembered Cortland. He had been tortured and left for dead. When they had found him, he was barely breathing. He didn’t understand how that was related to the female assassin though.

“He knows Sardothien?” he asked his boss, perplexed.

“Yes. Well, he’s not very inclined to talk to us about her in particular but he has info on The Guild,” replied the other man.

“What kind of info?”

“I’m not sure. That’s why I’m going to see him in the hospital right now. I want to see what he has to offer in terms of information.”

Rowan nodded thoughtfully, tapping his fingers on the desk.

“I’m coming with you,” he told Lorcan.

Lorcan didn’t say anything. He just stood from his chair and grabbed his jacket and his gun. Rowan downed the rest of his coffee, making a disgusted face at the taste, and followed his boss.

…

When they arrived at Rifthold’s Hospital, they headed straight for the floor where Sam’s room was located. There was only one security guard at the door, and he let them in when they showed their badges. Rowan didn’t know what to expect. The last time he had seen the young man, he was in a terrible state. Sam was laying on his bed, his face bruised and his lip split, but otherwise in a much better condition than he had been three weeks ago.

The two men sat down in the plastic chairs next to his bed. Rowan got out his notepad, scribbling on it, while Lorcan talked.

“Hi Sam. We’re agents Salvaterre and Whitethorn from the FBI. We heard you wanted to talk to us,” said Lorcan in an uncharacteristically kind voice.

“I know who you are,” replied the younger man. “You’re the ones who found me and saved my life. Thank you.”

“Just doing our job, kid,” said Lorcan. He wasn’t about to have this young man get emotional on him. He hated this part of the job; he was not good with feelings.

“Do you know Celaena Sardothien?” Rowan asked abruptly, looking up from his notepad. 

Lorcan gave him a disapproving look. He was going too fast; this isn’t what they had agreed on.

“I… well, yes,” started Sam. “But I’m not willing to say anything about her right now.”

“Why? Did she threaten you?” Rowan replied quickly. “We can have more officers placed in front of your room if that’s the case. You don’t have to be afraid of her.”

He gave Sam a look that meant to be reassuring, but truly was more threatening. But the young man didn’t recoil.

“No, she didn’t. I haven’t seen her in weeks,” he stated.

“Is she the one who did this to you?” Rowan pressed on.

“What?” Sam said with surprise. “No! She would never do that.”

Rowan was about to argue, but Lorcan gave him a silent look to tell him to stay quiet.

“What did you want to tell us then?” asked Lorcan, taking back control of the conversation.

“I want to tell you about The Guild. I was working for them before… Well, you know,” the young man said, pointing to his face. “I don’t know exactly who did this to me, but I’m certain it was them.”

“Alright. What do you know?” said Lorcan, giving a pointed look to Rowan to take notes and not open his mouth.

“They are a secret criminal society, much bigger than they let on. Hundreds of people work for them. Yes, they have assassins and hitmen, but they also have conmen, thieves, spies, drug dealers, IT experts… And they have eyes and ears everywhere. A lot of officials are on their payroll,” Sam started.

“I was recruited two years ago, when I had just turned 18. I had no money, no job, no prospects, basically I was the perfect target. They lured me in by promising money and a dream life. I didn’t have any goals in life, but by joining them I finally had a purpose,” he continued.

“They started by training me. They own this huge manor in town where I lived and learned the ropes with other recruits. They taught me everything I know. It was great at first. I was so proud when I was sent on my first mission. But after a few months, it started turning bad,” he said with a grimace.

“The people who work for The Guild are not kind. You aren’t supposed to make friends with the others. You keep to yourself and obey what you are told. You don’t ask questions. And if you fail, there are consequences.”

Sam stopped, composing himself. Lorcan gave him an encouraging smile, urging him to go on.

“The first time I failed a mission, I was terrified to go back to the manor and face my boss. But I had nowhere else to go. I was beaten to a pulp, and I had to stay in bed for a week to heal. Since I wasn’t able to work, I didn’t gain any money. So as soon as I felt a bit better, I was back on my feet,” he carried on.

“Time went by, and I got used to the violence. I didn’t flinch anymore when they hit me. But I was miserable. That’s when I met this girl. She looked like an angel, but she was deadly with weapons. She was always kind with me. She gave me hope in this ugly world,” he said with a smile.

“Last month, I decided to quit the criminal life and run away. I had a plan, I had everything figured out. But someone learned about it. I was called into a meeting by my boss and, before I knew it, I was tied up and brought to an abandoned building. They tortured me for hours. They thought I had information on something. I don’t know what it was, but I didn’t know anything, I swear. I just wanted to get away,” the younger man went on.

“When they realized they would not get anything out of me, they just left, thinking I was dead. That’s when you guys found me and brought me to the hospital. And here I am,” he finally said, taking a deep breath.

Lorcan and Rowan exchanged a look.

“Can you tell us the name of your boss? Of anyone?” asked the dark-haired agent.

“Everyone went by aliases. I only knew my boss by Tern, but I doubt it was his real name. I know he had a boss, the one behind everything. Everyone was scared of him, even Tern, but I never saw him. He was like this shadow watching everyone from afar,” Sam replied, suppressing a shiver.

Lorcan looked at his watch. They had already been here for more than an hour. Rowan seemed eager to keep going and ask more questions, but Lorcan wanted to take the time to digest and analyze all this information before going further.

“Okay, you did the good thing by telling us all of this,” he reassured Sam. “We will let you rest, and we’ll come back tomorrow to ask you more questions, if that’s alright with you.”

Sam nodded his head. Lorcan stood up from the uncomfortable plastic chair and motioned for Rowan, who was still looking at the young man, to follow him. They walked out of the room and headed to the elevator.

“I told you to just shut up and listen. You pushed him too far with your questions about Sardothien,” Lorcan said, anger in his voice.

“He knows something. He’s not telling us everything,” Rowan replied in the same tone.

“This is not how it works, and you know it. The kid is traumatized, we need to take it slow. He already gave us a lot of info on The Guild. It’s not by pushing him by force that you’ll get him to open up,” his boss argued.

“We need all the info we can get on Sardothien. It’s urgent; she’s dangerous and we need to stop her,” Rowan replied curtly before getting into the elevator.

“You’re not in charge here, Whitethorn. I am. We are doing this my way. If you’re not happy with it, you don’t have to come tomorrow,” Lorcan said, following him inside. His tone was final, and Rowan knew not to push him. He gritted his teeth but didn’t fight further.

…

Celaena had followed Whitethorn and his boss to the hospital. She was surprised to see Sam Cortland there. She had no idea he was in the hospital. When she realized the young man was talking to the FBI and providing them with information on The Guild, she quickly made up a plan. She needed to get this handled.

The assassin went to the employees’ locker room and found scrubs that sort of fitted her. The green color made her look sick, but it would have to do. She couldn’t be picky about clothes right now. She put a stethoscope around her neck and pulled her hair up in a ponytail. She looked at the entry logs and discovered there was a nurse called Lillian who wasn’t working today. She smiled to herself; fate had always been on her side. She waited for the two agents to leave before swiftly grabbing a medical chart and a name tag that said Lillian Gordaina.

She made her way to Sam’s room, giving a charming smile to the security guard before entering. Sam was laying on his bed, looking out the window, and he didn’t notice her. She walked up to him and couldn’t help the way her heart sank when she saw the yellowing bruises on his face and how he was holding his ribs, clearly in pain. Who had done this to him? But this isn’t why she was here, she reminded herself, she had a task to accomplish.

When she got next to his bed, Sam turned around and finally saw her. His eyes widened and he started panicking.

“Celaena! What are you doing here?” he whispered, worry in his voice. “Are you here to kill me?”

He gazed around in horror, but he didn’t alert the security guard. He looked at her, resign on his face.

“Please make it quick and painless,” he told her, closing his eyes.

Celeana took his hand in hers and he opened his eyes, startled.

“I’m not here to kill you, Sam,” she said softly. “I’m here to help you.”

“What?” he exclaimed, surprised.

“If someone else from The Guild learns that you’re talking to the FBI, they’ll kill you. You need to run away and disappear,” she said quietly, but in a firm tone.

“How?” Sam asked, taken aback. “I don’t even have any money or IDs.”

Celaena looked back at the door, making sure they were alone.

“Let me take care of that. We need to get you out of here right now.”

She dropped his hand, but he took it back, squeezing it.

“Why are you doing this for me?” he asked her.

“Do I need a reason to be kind?” she said. “Come on.”

That’s when they heard steps coming their way. Celaena grabbed her stethoscope, putting it over Sam’s chest and acting like she was taking his vitals.

“That looks good,” she told Sam in a confident voice.

The steps stopped at the entrance of the room.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt. I just forgot something.”

She turned around, in complete shock, but trying to keep her face neutral. Rowan was standing in the doorway, looking at them.

“Lillian?” he said, taken aback when he recognized the blonde woman from the bar.

Sam looked between them, terrified Celaena had been caught. But Rowan simply got closer to the bed and gave her a confused look.

“What are you doing here?” he asked her, puzzled.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I work here,” she said, letting out a nervous laugh as she pointed to her scrubs.

“But I could ask you the same question, Rowan,” Celaena said, rolling his name on her tongue.

Rowan couldn’t help the way his lips twitched up. He didn’t know why he was happy that she remembered his name, but he was. 

“FBI,” he simply said. “And I forgot my badge.”

He went to the bedside table and grabbed it, putting it safely in his pocket.

“How are you doing?” he asked her, ignoring Sam’s presence.

“I’m doing fine,” she replied with a small smile. “But I really need to take Mr. Cortland to get a CT scan before my boss yells at me.”

“Oh, right,” he said, remembering Sam was there. “I’ll let you go then.”

He walked toward the door, but before leaving, he turned around to look at her.

“See you around?” he asked, hopeful.

“Of course,” Celaena replied, her turquoise eyes glinting.

When she was sure Rowan was truly gone, she turned back to Sam.

“How do you know agent Whitethorn?” he asked her.

“It’s a long story. We don’t have time for this. We need to go.”

She helped him get up from his bed and into a wheelchair.

“Follow my lead,” she simply told him.

Celaena walked outside the room, pushing Sam’s wheelchair. The security guard stopped them.

“Where are you going?” he asked them.

“He needs a CT scan. Doctor’s order,” Celaena replied with a quick smile.

“Nobody warned me,” he said, looking at them suspiciously.

“Well, I’m telling you now. Can we go?”

She was getting impatient. They needed to get out of here.

“Wait a minute, I’ll call someone to take you there,” he told them, grabbing his walkie talkie.

“Oh, no need!” she assured him before he had time to make a call. “It’ll only take like 20 minutes and it’s not very far. We’ll be back as soon as you know it.”

He looked at Sam, who was sitting silently in the wheelchair. The young man gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. The security guard pondered the situation for a few seconds before saying: “Well… alright. But be safe.”

“We will, sir,” Celaena replied confidently.

She didn’t waste any more time and rolled Sam away until they reached another corridor. She turned left, then right, then left again. When they were sure they were alone and not being followed, Sam got up from the wheelchair and hid it in an empty room. Celaena grabbed Sam’s hand, pulling him toward the stairs. She knew he was in bad shape, but they couldn’t risk taking the elevator. It was too slow. Lucky for them, Sam’s room was only on the third floor.

She needed to take care of the cameras before leaving. She asked Sam to create a distraction and, when the security guard in the surveillance room got out to see what was happening, Celaena quickly entered the room. She wasn’t a tech genius, but she knew a thing or two about cameras. She deleted any footage of her in the hospital. The guard had left his jacket on the back of his chair and she took it, slipping into the corridor with her head low.

She found Sam hiding a few rooms away, the guard out of sight, and she gave him the jacket. He pulled it on and they left the hospital, trying to keep in the cameras’ blind spots. When they reached the parking lot, Celaena broke into an old car and hot-wired it. She drove out of the hospital’s grounds, keeping an eye out in case anybody was following them. She drove around for a while, taking turns here and there to lose anyone who might be trailing them.

When she was confident they were safe, she drove to her apartment. She helped Sam get out of the car and walk up the stairs. Once they were inside, she locked the door and let out a deep breath. She headed directly to her walk-in closet, unlocking the door and going inside. She found what she was looking for and brought it to Sam who was still standing in the living room in silence.

“Okay, so here are some men clothes I had here, I hope they fit. And here are fake IDs and money,” she said, handing it all to him.

Sam looked at the passport and made a face.

“I don’t look like this guy at all,” he complained.

“Well, you both have brown hair and brown eyes and are about the same age. It will have to do. If anyone asks, your name is Wesley Doyle and you’re 21,” she said assertively.

“How do you even have those IDs?” he asked her.

“Now is not the time for questions, Sam,” she replied, impatient. “You need to leave.”

Sam went into the bathroom to change. The clothes were a bit too big for him, but he could make this work. When he came out, he had a strange look in his eyes.

“Come with me,” he said suddenly.

“What?”

“Run away with me. You’re better than this life,” he pleaded.

Celaena sighed.

“This life is all I’ve ever known, Sam. I can’t throw it all away and just leave. I just can’t,” she replied.

He opened his mouth to argue, but Celaena shut him with a kiss on the cheek. Sam blushed slightly, suddenly quiet.

“Thank you for always being nice to me,” she said in a final tone. “Now leave. And never look back.”

…

Rowan was sitting in his office filling in paperwork. This was the part of the job he hated. He yawned, looking at the time. He had only been doing this for 15 minutes, but it felt like an hour. All of a sudden, his door opened abruptly and Lorcan appeared.

“It’s Cortland,” his boss said without any preamble. “He has disappeared.”

It took a few seconds for Rowan to process what he had said.

“What do you mean, disappeared?” he asked Lorcan, baffled.

“He isn’t in his room anymore. Nobody can find him,” he replied hastily.

“Fuck.”

That was the only response that felt appropriate.

This was bad, really bad. He was their only informant on The Guild and Sardothien, and they had managed to lose sight of him. He knew he should have put more security at his door. Now he was probably dead.

“Fuck,” he repeated, hitting his desk with his fist.

…

Rowan knew he shouldn’t be here. Lorcan would kill him if he knew, but he didn’t care. This was too important. It was a matter of life or death.

“I’d like to talk to a nurse called Lillian, please. I’m not sure about her last name but she works on the third floor I believe,” he said to the hospital’s receptionist. “It’s urgent.”

She gave him a curious look but complied and typed away on her computer. After a few clicks, she said: “I’m sorry but Lillian isn’t working today. I can tell her you stopped by.”

“What do you mean she’s not working today? I saw her earlier,” he replied, irritated.

“I’m only telling you what the log entries say, sir,” said the woman.

Rowan ran his hand through his silver hair. This didn’t make any sense.

“I really need to talk to her,” he insisted. “Do you have her address?”

“Sir, I’m afraid this is confidential information. I can’t just give someone’s address like that,” replied the woman, a bit overwhelmed by his behavior.

“I work for the FBI,” he explained, trying to keep his calm. “She could be in great danger. I really need to see her.”

He showed his badge to the receptionist who looked at it, unsure.

“Come back with a warrant then,” she said.

Rowan sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Alright,” he conceded. “When is her next shift?”

The woman looked back at her computer screen.

“In three days, on Thursday,” she replied.

“Thank you. If you see her before that, tell her Rowan is looking for her,” he said, insisting on the last part.

The woman simply nodded and went back to her work.

He turned back on his heels and exited the hospital. This would have to do, he thought. It’s not like if he had any other choice.

…

The night was dark, the street only lit by the few streetlamps that still worked. Rowan parked his gray sedan next to his apartment and got out of the car, lost in thoughts. He had tried to convince Lorcan that Sardothien was the one who kidnapped Sam Cortland, but his boss didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. He had said that anyone from The Guild could have come for Cortland. He might even have run away by himself, scared for his life. They would ask for the surveillance videos tomorrow and go on from there. But Rowan had a gut feeling that the cameras would have been tempered with. They needed to interrogate the security guard, that was their best bet.

He was so focused on replaying the events of today in his head, he didn’t notice he was being followed. A shadow was trailing him quietly. Next thing he knew he was stabbed in the neck with something long and sharp. He turned around, but all he could see was a dark silhouette a few feet away. He reached for his gun, but his hands weren’t steady enough and his vision was blurry. His whole body was suddenly feeling heavy. The last thing he saw before his vision faded to black were two bright eyes staring into his soul.

...

Tag list:

@backtobl4ck

@rowanaelinn

@morganofthewildfire

@leiawritesstories

@fireheart-violet

@autumnbabylon

@swankii-art-teacher

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[thisiswhymomworries]

writing smut like

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

[3tno-moved-deactivated20190902]

and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use

[thisiswhymomworries]

tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick

tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft

tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun 

[morganofthewildfire]

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You're On Your Own, Kid

Part 2

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

CW: mentions of cancer, implications of prostitution, mention of death, implications of child abuse, NSFW,

~ 11k words

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Eleven Years Ago

“How was class?” Aelin asked Rowan as he made his way over to her in the hallway, his backpack slung over both shoulders. He shook his head, his silver hair flopping over his forehead. 

“Horrible,” he answered, “pop quiz.”

They fell in line next to each other, heading down the hallway and out of the middle school building. 

“But you love history,” she asked, brows furrowed. “I’m surprised you didn’t ace it.” He just shrugged and she decided not to pry, just walking next to him in the quiet. 

“I had music today,” Aelin continued after a minute, “Miss Florine let me play on her piano again.” 

“That’s good,” Rowan answered, nodding his head a bit. “I’m glad she recognizes how talented you are.” He sent a small smile her way, and Aelin had to forcibly stop herself from blushing scarlet. 

It was a problem. Since she’d discovered the extent of her feelings almost a year ago, it’d only gotten worse. Every time he touched her, a whole swarm of butterflies flew around her stomach. Every time he smiled at her, she wanted to melt into a puddle. Every day they spent together only made her feelings stronger, and she was pretty sure she’d die if she ever had to be without him.

But she couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t risk losing him.

“The rest of my classes today were terrible,” she admitted as she shrugged, hoping to sympathize with him a little bit. “I got my test grade back in Math, and it was not what I was hoping for.” 

“No?” Rowan asked, pushing open the door to the courtyard, and she shook her head. 

“See?” She said, nudging his shoulder and smiling slightly. “Everyone gets bad grades, it’s alright.” 

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Remelle and her friends, and she looked away quickly. Hoping they wouldn’t notice them. Remelle didn’t attempt to mess with her in front of Rowan usually, but whenever Aelin was by herself she would get choice comments about him.

She just tried her best to ignore it all. 

“Loser!” Someone shouted from across the courtyard, and Aelin huffed, picking up her pace. Rowan frowned next to her, but didn’t comment, picking up from her that she just wanted to move on. 

Until a spitball hit her face, right on the bruise on her jaw she’d tried to cover up with makeup just that morning. Aelin wiped it away quickly, clenching her jaw and fighting the humiliated tears that pricked at her eyes.

And when Rowan slowed down, about to say something to the antagonizers, she just grabbed his hand, pulling him along after her.

“It’s not worth it,” she muttered, “they’ll just think they got a rise out of me and keep doing it.” 

He looked like he wanted to argue, but he didn’t, just nodding and following her when she pulled him toward the sidewalk to begin the walk home.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, until Aelin could sense he was about to ask her about it, so she cut him off before he could.

“So what happened with your history test?” She asked, glancing over at him. “Why weren’t you prepared?” She kicked a rock idly in front of her, keeping it moving as they walked toward his house. 

Arobynn had been especially riled up that morning, and after she’d mentioned it to Rowan on the way to school, he’d practically forbidden her from going home that afternoon. 

To her surprise, his cheeks turned red. He stuttered over the start of his answer, and she felt her heart sinking, already knowing she wasn’t going to like what he had to say.

“My teacher switched our seats around,” he answered, not looking at her. “I ended up next to Lyria Willow.” 

Oh. 

Lyria Willow. She was a pretty brunette cheerleader, popular, but not part of Remelle’s group of friends. Aelin barely knew her, but she seemed sweet. And sweet was apparently Rowan’s type.

“Does Rowan have a little crush?” She teased, forcing a smile on her face. If anything, his blush grew. 

“It’s nothing,” he denied, shaking his head. “She’s moving anyway, she won’t be here next year.”

That was some relief at least, but it still hurt to hear about him liking anyone. 

“I got distracted during the quiz because she smiled at me,” he said quietly, as if embarrassed to admit it. He probably was, and she thought he should be. But being the supportive best friend she was, she wasn’t going to tease him about it anymore. 

The only thing that soothed her about this conversation was that she could see he was wearing his bracelet. True to his word, he hadn’t taken it off since she’d given it to him, and neither had she. 

Maybe Lyria had his heart, but she’d always have him.

Now

Back home at his apartment that evening, Rowan couldn’t get what he’d just witnessed out of his mind. Couldn’t get that guy out of his mind, or her outfit, or the sheer embarrassment in her eyes. 

He understood now, what she was doing. What her job was in Rifthold. 

“Gods,” he cursed under his breath as he closed the apartment door behind him, leaning his head against the other side of it. He’d missed a call from his mom earlier, but he couldn’t bring himself to call her back.

Not that she’d even be awake, but on the off chance that she was, he didn’t even know what he’d say. Maybe cry again like he had the night Aelin had left. Maybe just say nothing, maybe spill everything. But before that, he needed to sort out his own shit first.

He locked the door roughly, tossing the keys onto the kitchen countertop and moving to go collapse on the couch, his head in his hands. 

The silence settled over him and he stared down at the carpet of his apartment, too much going through his head.

An unknowable amount of time later, he stood up aggressively, going to his bedroom to grab his laptop. His hands were shaking as he sat back down on the couch, nearly throwing it open as he opened a search browser. 

First, he went on incognito mode, and then he messed around with it more until he got to the other side of the internet. The side most people didn’t go on. 

Rowan was a commercial lawyer, so he didn’t deal with things like that, but in law school he’d taken a class on more criminal law. He’d figured out how to access the dark web, and learned some of the ins and outs of the common sites you’d find on there. 

His friend in law school, one of the boys from the football team actually, Lorcan, had gone down more of that path. Rowan hadn’t wanted to, but the knowledge was useful now.

With a heavy sigh, he typed in just the name he’d heard. Just Celaena. And immediately her website popped up on the search results.

His heart was pounding as he clicked on it, a picture of her immediately popping up on the page. She was laying on a couch, scantly clad with a seductive smirk on her face. Her golden hair was loose and hanging around her, her body clearly on display for potential clients. 

In big text at the top was the name Celaena, her pseudonym he supposed, and a tab for booking “appointments”. He didn’t want to click on it, or the tab labeled “pricing.” He didn’t want to know how much it cost to buy her body, to buy her time, to buy her. 

She wasn’t something that should be sold. 

People shouldn’t be able to charge an hour of time with her to their credit card, like she was a commodity you could pick up in a store. It was sickening. 

Nausea swirled in his stomach at the sight of the screen in front of him, and he shut it before he could vomit all over the keyboard, his heart clenching in utter pain. 

He’d coped with her leaving by imagining her new life wherever she’d ended up. He imagined she’d found a job she loved, or imagined she’d been able to do something with the music she loved, or just ended up happy. Now he knew that wasn’t the case. 

A sob escaped him before he could stop it, and he scrubbed at his face, hoping to stop the tears before they really started spilling out of his eyes. But it was too late as his hands came away wet. 

And all he could do was lay back against the couch, and let it all out.

Ten Years Ago

High school had come.

Aelin hadn’t been especially excited or especially nervous about it. In a town as small as Perranth, it was essentially the same as middle school. She was sure to continue to be the outcast, and Rowan was sure to only get more popular.

Especially now that he’d made it onto the varsity football team. 

It was nearly unheard of as a freshman to surpass JV altogether, but her buzzard had. She’d been incredibly proud of him when she’d heard, just like he’d been proud of her when she got a piano solo in the music department’s showcase the year before. 

But she was sad too, because it just felt like another nail in the coffin for how everything was going to change. 

They’d only had a few classes together in eighth grade, but this year they had none. 

Her first day so far had been miserable, as she tried to figure everything out by herself, but Rowan had promised to meet her for lunch in the cafeteria. So that’s where she was, standing outside of the cafeteria with her bought lunch on a tray, waiting for him to show up. 

She glanced down at her watch, shifting on her feet nervously. Lunch had started nearly ten minutes ago. Where was he?

She glanced around, fighting the urge to chew her lip to shreds as she tried to spot him. Arobynn had given her a split lip the other day in a particularly nasty incident, and it was an admittedly bad habit of hers to continue to reopen the wound. 

She needed to stop, but sometimes venting the pain into that was the only way she could cope.

“Aelin,” a familiar voice said breathlessly, and she turned to see Rowan catching his breath, his lunch bag in his hand, his bracelet on his wrist. “Sorry I’m late.” 

“It’s okay,” she said, forcing a small smile onto her lips. Her self cut curtain bangs fell over her eye and she transferred the tray to one hand to use the other to push it back, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Where do you want to sit?” She nodded to the open cafeteria doors.

But Rowan cringed. “About that,” he said, sighing. “A couple of the players asked me to sit at their table today, and since I’m a freshman I don’t want to -”

“Miss out, I get it,” Aelin said, nodding. She ignored the disappointment swirling in her stomach. 

“It’s all good?” He asked, his brows furrowed, and all she could do was nod, especially after reading the excitement lining his features. He didn’t want to step on her toes, but he also clearly wanted to go sit with them. Who was she to deny him that?

“Yeah,” she rasped, “go enjoy.” 

“Where will you sit?” He asked, glancing back at the open cafeteria, and Aelin did the same, finding absolutely no one she knew. If she went in there, she’d end up alone at a table, and she wanted to do everything she could to avoid that.

“You know what,” she said, completely lying. “I just remembered. Chaol asked me to eat with him in the music room, so I have to go do that anyway.” 

“Chaol?” Rowan asked, and she nodded, forcing yet another smile onto her split lips.

“He just moved here,” she said. “He’s in the music program.” 

Chaol did just move here, and he was in the music program, but he certainly did not ask her to lunch. What was a little white lie, though? If it made him feel better, it was worth it.

“Oh, okay,” Rowan said, nodding. “That works then.” He took a step backward toward the cafeteria. “See you after school?”

“Yep,” she answered, tucking more falling hair behind her ear. “See you.” 

She waved once and then he was gone. 

With a sigh, Aelin turned away from the cafeteria doors, resigning herself to lunch alone in the library. That’s where she’d gone in middle school whenever Rowan had to miss for the day. Looks like she’d be starting the habit again.

Whatever, it was what it was. She just had to deal with it.

Now

After debating it for nearly the whole day before, Rowan was once again at Aelin’s apartment, this time with a box of chocolates in tow. She was right, and he needed to apologize. Well - he wasn’t quite wrong, but he couldn’t erase the look of pure embarrassment from her eyes and he needed to let her know that this didn’t change anything. That the life she’d ended up in didn’t change how he thought of her.

Or how much he cared for her.

He paused when he reached her door, nerves racing through him as he hesitated. Faintly, he could hear lilting piano, and he stayed quiet, hoping to hear the rest of the song. 

“Summer went away, but still the yearning stays,” he heard through the door. Aelin’s voice was quiet, and a bit hesitant, but as melodic as ever. He didn’t knock, not wanting to interrupt her. “I played it cool with the best of them.” 

He stepped closer to the door, placing his ear to it so he could hear better. It’d been so long since he’d heard her sing, and even then it was something she’d always been shy about. If Rowan had to guess, he’d say she really only ever sang around him maybe five times? If that.

But he’d always been enchanted by it.

“I wait patiently,” she continued, slowing down a little bit, as if she was thinking of what to sing next. Probably workshopping this very song. “He’s gonna notice me,” a small sigh. “It’s okay, we’re the best of…” 

She trailed off, a few dissonant chords hitting his ears before he could hear the piano bench scooching against the floor, and the light patter of feet leaving the room.

“Fuck,” he heard through the door, and he furrowed his brows, but decided it was time to stop eavesdropping on her. So he straightened, transferring the chocolates to one hand as he knocked with the other.

There was a pause where there was no noise at all, and then the door was opening. Aelin was on the other side, wiping her face quickly and sniffing before glancing up at him warily. 

“I brought chocolates,” Rowan said, lifting up the box as a peace offering. She hesitated, clearly considering what to do, but eventually she opened the door more to let him inside. 

“You can’t stay long,” she said lowly. “I have a client coming in half an hour.” 

His brows furrowed. “It’s noon,” he said, a little dumbfounded. In fact, he was here on his lunch break, so he couldn’t stay very long anyway. But she just shrugged. 

“I’m available any day, any time,” she said, her voice humorless. “I don’t get to judge when they want to use me, I just let them do it.” 

She shut the door behind him with a bit of finality, and he saw what she was wearing properly. 

It was another set of lingerie, sheerer this time instead of lacy, but covered up by that same red silk robe. Her tanned legs were on display, peeking out of the bottom of the material, but he forced his eyes away. 

“I want to apologize,” Rowan said, and he heard her sigh before she turned around to face him. Her expression was tired. “I want to say I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry too.” 

She tucked her hair behind her ears, that familiar nervous gesture of hers, one of the few lasting similarities between how she was now and how she was then. Clearing her throat, she brushed past him, moving toward the kitchen.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, staying put.

“A lot better than the other day,” she answered, not looking at him. “Thank you for your help.” 

Rowan just nodded idly, pursing his lips.

“How…long?” He asked after a moment, trying to figure out how to frame the question. Taking a step after her, he set the chocolates down on the counter, choosing to perch in one of the barstools.

Aelin just laughed humorlessly. “Eight years.” 

Eight years. 

Which meant… “Aelin, you were seventeen,” he said, blinking in shock. “Who did this to you?” 

She furrowed her brows at the phrasing, but Rowan didn’t know how else to put it. She was probably blaming herself for where she’d ended up, had likely blamed herself ever since it started. But if it’d been going on for eight years, and she really had been seventeen, then he placed the blame solely on whoever had gotten her into this. 

Who had first… had first hired her.

Or used her. Whichever statement one preferred. Either way, Aelin was in no way at fault. 

“I was at a bar,” she said, looking to the side a little bit. “When I first came to Rifthold.” She shook her head. “There was a man, and I don’t know, I just… it was easy to just… I don’t know.” She shook her head again, and Rowan didn’t press the point. She’d tell him when she was ready. 

He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t go kill the man who’d done this. But he’d cross that bridge later.

Aelin slid into the seat next to him, leaning her elbows against the counter. “So there you go,” she said drily. “You know my sordid secret. I’m assuming you still think I made a mistake leaving?” 

Rowan didn’t know what to say. The immediate answer was yes, but -

“Did you want to stay?” He asked, knowing the answer to that too. Aelin pursed her lips, looking away. No. She didn’t. And he knew why, part of the reason was him. And that godsdamned mistake and that godsdamned night. “Aelin, I’m so-”

“Don’t,” she said, shaking her head and smiling weakly. “Don’t apologize. There’s no need to rehash the past.” 

Rowan just nodded, not saying anything. She was right. It wouldn’t do anything now. Any apology he made would be eight years too late.

“You probably should go soon,” she said after a minute, not looking at him.

“It’s only been ten minutes,” he said, and she shrugged, looking away. 

“Gives me more time to prepare.” 

“Prepare?” He couldn’t help but pry, and she just chuckled humorlessly.

“Prepare mentally,” she answered, pushing herself to a stand. “It takes time, you know?”

“You know,” Rowan said, already wincing. “You don’t have to keep doing this.”

“And do what?” Aelin asked, incredulous, and he couldn’t blame her. “I didn’t even graduate high school, Rowan. What am I supposed to do?”

“Anything but this,” he said quietly, shaking his head. Her brows wrought together, and he knew he’d messed up. 

“Are you judging me?” She asked, stepping away from him a bit. “You think this is easy?” Aelin continued, crossing her arms over her chest like a shield. “You think I didn’t cry myself to sleep for weeks at the beginning? You think I didn’t used to vomit after every godsdamned appointment I had?” She shook her head, tears collecting in those soulful blue eyes as she had the breakdown he’d known was coming.

 “People want so much from me,” she sighed heavily. “I’m not curvy enough, I’m not skinny enough, I’m not sexy enough, I’m too sexy.” She closed her eyes, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I don’t…always eat properly, I know that. It’s just easy to let all of those words sink in. And easy to let myself cave in, internalizing the disgust I feel for everything,” she shuddered, “and directing it at myself.” 

She blinked her eyes open, glancing over at him. His heart had already fractured in two. 

“But it’s just the way it is,” she said, her voice eerily empty. 

“It doesn’t have to be,” he whispered, shaking his head and taking a step toward her. But she just shrugged. 

“There’s no changing it now,” she said, wiping the tear off of her cheek and straightening her robe. “I’m already ruined.”

Before he could say anything against that declaration, she was pushing open the door to the guest bedroom. Or not her guest bedroom - her working room - making sure everything was ready to go. 

He took that as his cue to leave, just like she’d requested. 

Now wasn’t the time to argue. He just wished she could see what he saw. Not something broken that needed to be fixed, but someone so godsdamned strong she’d managed to survive everything life threw her way. 

His Fireheart. That’s who she was.

Nine Years Ago

“Hey Mrs. Whitethorn!” Aelin greeted as she opened the front door without even knocking, so familiar with both of its occupants she didn’t even need to. 

“Hello, sweetheart,” Rowan’s mom greeted warmly from where she was at her desk tucked back in the corner of the kitchen. She worked as a nurse, but sometimes had to do some administration and budgeting stuff from home. Especially right before she had a shift, which she did tonight.

Aelin poked her head around the frame, carrying her bag on one shoulder. 

“Rowan’s not home yet from practice,” Lianna continued, “but feel free to make yourself at home. Like always,” she laughed musically. 

“It’s what I do best,” Aelin said with a wink, before pushing off the frame and heading down the hallway toward her best friend’s room. 

It was their annual sleepover, and though things had certainly changed from 10 to 17, they’d kept up with it. Since discovering her feelings for him, and how deep they went, she’d thought it’d be awkward to share a bed. But she’d been respectful, and he always was, and she found that it was just comfortable. 

It always was. 

She opened the door, closing it behind her and dropped her bag on the ground before collapsing onto his bed. His pillows smelled like him, that pine scent she loved so much, and like a creep she breathed it in, closing her eyes as she relaxed into his mattress. 

After a minute of that she rolled over, staring up at the ceiling fan, watching it circle around and around. Aelin much preferred this room to her own. She much preferred this house to her own. She much preferred him to herself. 

Maybe it wasn’t healthy, but it was true.

It was hard to have great self esteem when your supposed parental figure hit you every other day, your entire school bullied you, and the one friend you had would never care for you the same way you cared for him. Warmth hit her eyes unbidden, and she blinked them away, rolling to her side.

But something caught her gaze. 

Her face fell and she sat up, reaching for the friendship bracelet that lay abandoned on his nightstand. Unabashedly not on his wrist where it was supposed to be. Aelin couldn’t think, she just stared at it and felt her heart splinter.

Until the sound of the front door bursting open and closed. 

“How was practice, honey?” She heard Rowan’s mom ask him, but he just grunted. Aelin frowned. “Aelin’s in your room by the way,” she added, and Aelin sat up fully, wiping at her face to get rid of any trace of tears. 

It wiped away a bit of the concealer she’d carefully applied that morning, but it was alright. He’d seen so many of her bruises it didn’t matter anyway. His mom had seen a few, ones she’d tried to explain away unsuccessfully, but hadn’t pushed the matter.

The couple of times Lianna Whitethorn had tried to bring up legal action, Aelin had shut it down immediately. It wasn’t worth the trouble. She didn’t want to owe them anything more than what she already did.

As Rowan headed down the hallway, Aelin darted up, reaching for his closet to pull out the blankets and extra pillows needed for their pillow fort. He’d made it the first year, but now it was tradition to make it together. They’d gotten pretty good at it over the years.

The bedroom door opened right as she dropped the pile on the floor and her best friend stumbled in, dropping his football bag on the ground next to it. She furrowed her brows, analyzing his appearance. His hair was messy and he was sweaty like he always was after practice, but his head was down, not giving her a good look at his face. 

“Rowan?” Aelin asked hesitantly, turning to sit cross legged on his bed. “You good?” 

He just grunted again, looking like he was going to head right back out the door and down to the bathroom, but she stopped him, darting up and placing a hand on his arm. 

“Hey,” she said firmly, turning him to face her. And her face fell yet again as he finally looked at her. Looked at her with red, bloodshot eyes. His pupils were dilated, nearly hiding all of that beautiful green, and she knew. “Are you high?” She asked, completely shocked. 

Rowan just stepped away from her, slurring “I don’t know what you mean.” 

She clenched her jaw. ‘What the hell happened?” She asked, her voice tight. “You were at football practice.” 

He looked away again, shrugging loosely. “One of the boys had a joint after practice, Archer I think? They were all doing it.” 

“So you did it too?” She huffed. “Gods, Rowan. And you drove home like this?” 

“Walked,” he said, slumping down onto the bed. “Left my car.” 

She heard the telltale signs of the front door opening and closing again, and then the fiddling of the lock, signalling Rowan’s mom leaving for her shift at the hospital. Leaving them alone.

Aelin sighed heavily, walking in front of him and grabbing his jaw with a hand, tilting his face to get a proper look at him. His eyes were hazy and bugged out, his mouth slack and his gaze altogether unfocused. 

“Gods, how much did you even smoke?” She asked, sighing heavily when he just shrugged again. “Okay, I’m going to get you some water okay?”

He didn’t say anything, so she left him laying there, toeing off her shoes and padding to the kitchen quickly and filling up a cup with water from the sink. Once back in his room, she grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to sit up a bit and lean against the headboard, kneeling next to him on the bed and holding up the cup to his mouth. 

He hesitated, but after she pinched his arm he complied, opening his mouth and letting her get water into it. They repeated it a couple of times, and she made sure he swallowed after every gulp until the cup was empty. 

Aelin set it down on his nightstand, next to the bracelet he’d seemingly taken off who knows when. She hadn’t seen him at all today, or yesterday. He’d been busy with practice, and she’d had music lessons after school. 

She’d really dived into music more and more since entering high school, and even found a new passion in writing lyrics. During boring classes, she’d take out her journal and scribble down little poems that she later tried to set to music when given free time with the piano at school or at the music store down the street. 

The owner there, Emrys, was always nice enough to let her use it. 

It was a great way to vent, and she found that whenever she couldn’t process what she was feeling, translating it into song was helpful. 

“I’m going to be sick,” Rowan muttered a few seconds later, and Aelin cursed, helping him to a stand. She managed to get him down the hallway and into the bathroom before he was falling to his knees and vomiting in the toilet. 

She brushed his back soothingly as he retched up whatever he’d eaten that day, murmuring words of comfort. 

“I’ll be right back,” she said, darting back to the kitchen to get more water. He was breathing heavily, but was leaning against the wall and away from the toilet when she returned, taking the cup from her willingly. 

She sat down next to him, watching him carefully as he took small sips of water. 

“Are you feeling any better?” She asked, and he sighed, simply taking another sip of water. But then his bleary gaze focused on her face. 

Without saying anything he reached out a hand, lightly caressing the bruise on her cheekbone. Aelin couldn’t stop herself form leaning into his touch, but didn’t fight it as his arm dropped again. 

“Let’s get you into bed,” she said, unable to hide the tinge of disappointment in her voice. It was their sleepover, it was supposed to be her comfort to escape from the memories of her parents’ death. It was supposed to be one of the only times they just got to be them. 

She was happy to be here to help him, but she was still disappointed. 

Rowan followed her willingly, letting her help him up and back down the hallway, helping him get his shoes off and onto the bed, taking one of the discarded blankets that was supposed to build their fort and laying it on top of him. 

He fell asleep quicker than he probably ever had, and Aelin just laid on top of the bed next to him, staring back up at the ceiling fan. Words were swirling around in her head, and she took her phone out of her pocket, opening her notes app and jotting a few things down. It was a bit nonsensical, but all the best music was. She’d fix it later.

She stiffened as Rowan turned in his sleep, reaching an arm out carelessly to hook around her waist. His nose burrowed in her hair, and she could barely breathe, feeling every inch of the closeness between them. 

It took her a few minutes to calm down, and even longer to even entertain the idea of sleep. But after getting over the initial shock, his arms around her were familiar and comforting, and she put her phone down and sunk into the grasp, letting sleep take her.

But even as the world drifted away, the sight of that bracelet on his nightstand haunted her dreams.

---

An indiscernable amount of time later, she was woken up to the soft sounds of sniffling, and she cracked her eyes open to see Rowan laying next to her, his eyes on the ceiling fan as he tried to hide his evident tears.

“Rowan?” She asked, turning to face him. It was pitch black outside, so it must’ve been the middle of the night. “Are you alright?” She asked, her voice raspy. 

He started to nod his head before realizing it was futile and shaking it instead. Something close to a sob escaped him. “What am I doing?” He asked, and her heart splintered a little more. “Why the hell did I do that?” 

She knew what was bothering him. It was what always bothered him. 

She sighed, sitting up a little bit to fully face him. His green eyes were watery, but they were back to normal and she was grateful to see the change. Even through the devastation in them.

“I try so hard not to be like him,” Rowan whispered, “and yet here I am, getting high and hurting myself. Hurting you.” His eyes were glued to hers, vivid in the dark room. “I’m supposed to be the one comforting you today, and yet I was vomiting in the bathroom while you kept me safe.”

“Row-”

“I’m sorry,” he interrupted, a rebellious tear spilling down his tan cheek. “I’m so sorry.” He normally didn’t let his insecurities show, but this was the one thing that always got him. 

“Rowan,” she said more firmly, scooting a bit closer and daring to set a hand on his cheek. “I’m okay, okay? I’m here, I’m fine. Yeah, I can’t lie and say I think smoking weed was a good decision.” She cracked a wry smile and he huffed a tiny laugh. “But I understand the pressure. And I think the fact that you’re so worried about it shows so much that you will never be like your dad, alright?” 

He hesitated, but nodded, sniffing back his emotions. 

“Can I hold you?” He asked, and she tried not to read too much into the question, but complied, laying back down beside him and letting him wrap both his arms around her, pulling her in close. She was fully wrapped in his body, and she let her eyes fall closed, tucking her nose into his shirt and breathing him in. 

They fell asleep again like that, finding comfort in each other. Despite the way everything was changing, that was something that hadn’t.

Yet, as they woke up the next morning and got ready for school with soft smiles and tired hearts, neither of them mentioned the bracelet. 

Now

Rowan needed a drink. Desperately. 

After the talk with Aelin the day before, he’d gone back to work completely out of it, and his new coworker Fenrys had talked him into going to the bar with him that evening. He’d agreed, and the drinks had admittedly cleared his head for a little bit.

But it’d all returned the next day, so here he was again, outside the same bar, hoping to have that hour or so of freedom. 

It maybe wasn’t the best method, but he’d both texted and called Aelin earlier in the day to no avail, so he needed to get lost for a little bit while figuring out what to do to help her. Or at least get her to see that he was there for her. 

It was chilly outside, so he’d worn a sweater probably nicer than needed for the establishment he was going to, but he hadn’t finished unpacking all of his clothes. So this was what he had to work with. 

But he barely even cared as he pushed open the door, welcoming the chaos of the crowd inside. It was noisy, and no one noticed him as he slipped up to the bar, ordering a whiskey. 

He sat down on a barstool, jiggling his leg and staring at the bartender as he waited for his drink. Just a couple, and then he’d go home and get some sleep. He really needed some good sleep.

“You again,” a familiar voice slurred, and he furrowed his brow. “Of course you’re here.” 

He turned, seeing Aelin sitting down a couple of barstools away from him, several empty glass in front of her. From that, her voice, and the way her eyes were slightly glossy, it was clear she was well past sober. 

“Aelin,” he said, a tad surprised. 

“I was trying to escape my problems,” she continued to say, slumping her head against her hand and stirring the cocktail in front of her. “But you’re just following me around.” 

“I’m a problem?” He asked, raising a brow, trying to hide the hurt he felt from the words. But Aelin scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically. The motion took her head with it, and therefore pulled it off her hand, and she nearly fell over if not for Rowan reaching to help straighten her. 

Gods. 

He grabbed the drink from the bartender and scooted over to sit next to her, brows furrowed in concern. 

“You’re not a problem per se,” Aelin continued, gesturing wildly at him. “You’re just- you’re just mean.” 

“Oh so I’m just mean?” Rowan asked, one side of his lips quirking up. “That’s all?”

“You’re making me feel too much,” she complained, taking a large sip of her cocktail, which left a line of pink on her upper lip. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. 

“What does that mean?” He asked, taking a sip of his drink. He couldn’t deny he was curious. Maybe prying just a little bit.

She groaned, dropping her head to the bar top. “I don’t like feeling.” She tilted her head to look at him, her eyes bleary, mascara smeared. “It hurts.”

He’d been chuckling a minute ago, but now concern was spilling through his veins and he wondered if it was just best for her to go home. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, sitting his drink down. She shrugged, the movement awkward in her position. 

“Drinking my problems away,” she said, “but they don’t like leaving.” After that, she sat up abruptly, reaching for the half full cocktail glass and draining the rest of the contents. “Ah,” she said, smacking her lips. “Delicious.” 

She tilted her head back, but the movement, like before, took her too far and she almost slipped off the back. She would’ve, if he hadn’t darted behind her to keep her from falling flat on her face.

“Okay,” Rowan said, helping her stand up. “Time to go home.” 

She mumbled a protest, shaking her head. “I just got here,” she said, and he laughed humorlessly at the clearly untrue statement. He’d just gotten here, but it didn’t matter now. 

“You need to go get some sleep,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and letting her lean against him as they stumbled toward the exit. He’d thrown cash on the bar top, hoping that was enough to cover what they both owed. 

But suddenly, she stopped, shaking her head rapidly. “I can’t go home,” she said, looking up at him, her blue eyes wide and drunk. “He’s there.” 

Rowan froze, eying her carefully. “Who’s there?” 

“Farran,” she said, sounding surprisingly sober. “He’s a regular but I didn’t want to tonight, I couldn’t tonight so I bailed and ended up here.” She shook her head. “He’ll be waiting for me. I can’t go back.” Her eyes were wide as she added one last thing that chilled him to the bone. “He’ll hurt me.” 

Rowan loosed a heavy breath, fighting the urge to go over to her place and beat this Farran guy up. But he needed to make sure she was safe. That was the priority. 

“Okay,” he nodded, “we’ll go to mine. How does that sound?” 

Her eyes were still wide but she nodded slowly. 

“Okay,” he said, forcing a small smile onto his face. “But don’t judge the place too harshly, I haven’t had time to set up.” 

A small giggle escaped her and he took that as a sign of success, hugging her close to him as he hailed a taxi. 

It didn’t take long, and once they were inside, she leaned up against him, resting her head on his chest. Rowan wrapped an arm around her, combing gently through her hair as she nuzzled into his shirt. The contact made him blush slightly but he pushed the feeling away. 

It was a short ride, and soon enough they were at his apartment complex. He knew the stairs would be daunting for her, so all he did when they got out was hoist her into his arms, her heeled feet floating in the air as she cuddled into him, not even speaking.

In fact, she was nearly falling asleep.

So much so, that when they got upstairs, after he carefully transferred her weight to unlock his apartment door, all he did was walk into his bedroom and set her down carefully on his mattress. He took off her shoes gently, but left her in her dress, not wanting to do anything that would make her uncomfortable. 

Rowan tucked a blanket over her carefully, and then grabbed her a glass of water and some advil for when she woke up. She could stay for however long she needed, if only so she was safe. Not just because he wanted her around, though he did. But he felt like he owed it to her after all the years apart, after all the mistakes he’d made. 

Plus, he cared too much about her to let her be in danger. He wanted her safe, and preferably happy. If that meant with him, he wasn’t about to complain.

Rowan went over to the door, about to flick off the lights and leave her to rest in peace, fully prepared to go sleep on the couch. 

But then -

“Stay?” Aelin’s croaky voice asked, reminiscent of when she was sick just the week before. And who was he to deny her? 

So with barely any hesitation, he turned off the light and took off his own shoes, climbing up next to her on the bed. He laid down a respectful distance away from her, but she rolled onto her side, reaching out for him. 

She curled up to him like a koala, tucking her nose into his neck and wrapping her arms around his body. Rowan just placed an arm around her, holding her close. If this was the comfort she wanted, he would provide it. 

“Get some sleep, Fireheart” he murmured quietly, combing through her hair gently. She mumbled something he didn’t quite comprehend, something like I and then he heard ou, with a v sound in there somewhere. 

It wasn’t very clear, but he wasn’t going to wake her up to ask. She fell asleep easily, and after a few more minutes, he did too.

Eight Years Ago

Aelin felt surprisingly jittery as she stepped into the building, her feet shaking a bit in her tall heels as she walked toward the entrance to the hotel conference room, where their junior prom was located.

She hadn’t even decided to go until earlier that day, and scrambled for the store to get a dress and shoes, and then do her hair well and makeup, which she’d never really done before. At most she wore mascara and concealer to class every day, this was her first time doing more. Her mom should’ve been the one to teach her, but instead, she’d figured it out on her own.

The hours wasted on that aside, Aelin thought she looked nice, and she was actually feeling excited about this. She was excited to see Rowan. Sure, things hadn’t been the same between them for a while now, something that had been the subject of multiple half-written songs, but it was still Rowan. 

He was still her best friend, no matter how much she’d prayed to the gods that he could be something more.

Rowan didn’t know she was coming, and nerves fluttered through her as she pushed open the door into the main room. It was decked out in style, matching the 1920s Flapper theme, or whatever Student Government had come up with. All she knew was that in her golden dress, she nearly fit in with the decor.

She spotted him quickly enough, standing by a wall, sipping on a glass of punch. She smiled weakly, though it fell when she saw him talking to another girl, even if he didn’t look very enthused to be doing it. 

She could tell the exact moment he saw her though, because his face went slack. His green eyes went wide, and Aelin smoothed down her skirt with shaking hands, staying still and smiling nervously as he walked over to her, abandoning the girl he was with.

“You look… absolutely beautiful,” he said, shaking his head, and she could feel her entire face break out into a flush. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she said teasingly, which was an understatement. In the black suit he wore, with a black shirt underneath, he looked absolutely mouthwatering. Warmth stirred through her body, pooling in her core, and she glanced away, trying to fight the arousal. He was her best friend, she couldn’t feel like that.

Especially when he didn’t feel the same way back.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Rowan said, and she shrugged. 

“It’s prom,” she said, “you only get two in your whole life. I don’t know where I’ll be next year, so might as well try this time.” 

Rowan narrowed his eyes at her wording, but didn’t press her. He didn’t like it when she talked like that, more pessimistically, almost fatalistically, but what else was she supposed to do? Her life didn’t exactly make it easy to consider where she’d be in a year’s time. 

“Well,” he said after a moment, “I’m happy to see you.” His lips quirked up in that little half smile of his she loved, and her heart fluttered. Aelin smiled bashfully, tucking her bottom lip into her mouth to hide it. “Want to get some punch?” He asked, and she nodded, a jolt of electricity racing through her when he lightly touched her lower back to guide her to the refreshments table. 

The back of her dress was open, meaning she could feel his rough calluses from football directly against her smooth skin. It wasn’t exactly helping her hide what he did to her.

They didn’t speak as he got her a glass of punch, and they hovered over by the side of the room as she sipped on it. The room was crowded, with loud music playing, but instead of feeling overwhelmed at the chaos, she was at peace there next to him. 

He was wearing his bracelet, visible in brief moments when he moved his arm, and she was happy to see it back where it belonged. He’d put it on again the day after the failed sleepover, not mentioning why it was off in the first place, but it hadn’t budged since. 

“Rowan!” A shrill voice cut through the music playing in the room, and Aelin’s face fell as Remelle LaFleur made her way over to where they were standing. “There you are!” 

The blonde was wearing a skin tight ice blue dress, and no matter how much Aelin hated her, she couldn’t deny she looked good. Head cheerleader, blonde beauty, she was the queen of the popular crowd, and tended to treat Aelin like she was the scum on the bottom of her high heeled shoe. She had since elementary school.

Rowan, being on the football team, was too high status for Aelin’s company, which Remelle never failed to remind her. This time, she just disregarded Aelin entirely, pushing past her to nearly throw herself at Rowan.

“I haven’t seen you all evening,” she pouted, making Aelin want to gag. 

“Remelle,” Rowan said, forcing a smile to his face. At least she liked to think it was forced. Something sank in her stomach. “How are you?” 

“I’m doing amazing,” Remelle cooed, and Aelin nearly rolled her eyes. “Benson spiked the other punch bowl,” she said, “makes the evening much more fun. Do you want some?” 

Aelin almost said something, but Rowan nodded, reaching over to the punch bowl on the other side of the table, filling up a cup. She felt queasy. “Do you want some, Aelin?” He asked her, and she was going to shake her head, but Remelle answered for her.

“Of course she doesn’t,” she said dismissively. “She’s such a prude.” 

“Just because I don’t want to drink at prom doesn’t mean I’m a prude,” Aelin spit without thinking, earning Remelle’s full attention for the first time that evening. The blonde looked at her with her icy eyebrows raised, an ugly snarl on her lips. 

“Oh yeah?” She asked, and Aelin clenched her jaw. “You’re just a joke.” She spit the word as if it was the worst insult imaginable. “You’re such a child," she shook her head. “I don’t know why Rowan even bothers to put up with you. Probably just out of pity cause your parents died and your new daddy hits you.” 

Aelin was shaking - with anger, shame, frustration - she didn’t know what.

“Hey, back off,” Rowan interrupted, his voice harsh. “Who do you think you are?” 

Remelle just turned to face him, smiling prettily. “I’m just trying to remind her of her place,” she said casually. “The school charity case.”

Aelin couldn’t sit there anymore, she turned and headed in the opposite direction, toward the exit. She pushed open the double doors aggressively, hurrying down the hallway in her heels until she was far away from the blaring music. It was only then she collapsed against the wall, bracing herself up with a hand. 

“Fireheart,” Rowan’s voice reached her ears, slightly breathy like he’d chased after her. 

“What,” she snapped, squeezing her eyes shut. “What do you want?”

He stayed silent for a moment, and she breathed slowly, feeling him come up behind her. He lightly grabbed her chin, turning her head gently to look at him. Aelin opened her eyes, slightly blurry from the tears. Her best friend was looking back at her so sadly, and she sniffed, turning her head out of his hand. 

She sucked in a shaky breath, smoothing down her dress.

“Let’s just get back inside,” she said flatly. “I don’t need to let her know she affects me.” 

Rowan caught her hand as she turned to walk back to the doors, and her eyes watered as he lifted it, pressing a quick kiss to her palm.  

The trip back into the room felt like a blur, her ankles wobbling in her too tall heels as she headed back inside, her buzzard at her side. She breathed deeply as she pushed open the door, keeping her chin high. 

And was immediately met with a bowl full of punch. 

She couldn’t move as it was thrown all over her front, the red liquid soaking through her dress and staining her skin, slowly dripping down the golden fabric. Blood rushed through her ears, and she could practically hear her heart pumping as she stood there unable to move as the other bowl was dumped from above, soaking her hair and dripping down her face and ruining all of the makeup she’d worked so hard on earlier. 

She couldn’t hear all of the laughter and the jeers from the rest of her grade, she couldn’t see the flashing lights of pictures and videos, couldn’t hear Rowan yelling at them all, berating them for ruining her fucking life. 

He probably wasn’t saying that, but godsdamn did she feel like it. 

One night. She was just trying to have one night, and she wasn’t even able to do that. 

Hot tears pricked at her eyes, and dripped down her face like burning lava, undoubtedly making streaks in the red liquid covering her. 

“Aelin,” a voice finally pierced the haze, and she slowly turned her head, feeling like the world was in slow motion as she looked at Rowan. Her gaze locked onto his green eyes, full of so much concern and sorrow, and in the midst of this fucking chaos, everything settled right into place. 

---

Rowan gave her a towel the moment they got to his car, and Aelin spent the ride to his house wringing spiked punch out of her hair. His mom was working a night shift, so they’d have the place to themselves.

Aelin hadn’t originally planned on it, but she couldn’t stand going back to her own house now. Not when she’d have to explain why she was covered in red, and would undoubtedly be laughed at yet again. She couldn’t bear it.

“We’re here,” Rowan said as he pulled into his driveway, and Aelin didn’t bother to respond, holding her shoes in her hand as she climbed out of the car. The concrete bit into her feet, but she didn’t feel it. She didn’t feel much of anything.

Her face was flat and she lagged behind as her best friend unlocked the door to his house, holding the door open for her to trudge inside. She wanted to flop on the couch and cry, but she also didn’t want to touch anything, lest she stain it. 

“Can I shower?” She asked, her voice cracking a bit. She hadn’t talked all car ride there.

“Of course,” he said, taking the towel from her as she began to head down the hallway, toward where his bathroom was. She’d been over here so many times it was practically second nature. “Hey, Aelin?” Rowan called softly, and she turned, unable to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry.” 

All she was able to do was nod absently and walk away.

She felt hollow as she stripped off her dress, watching the red stained fabric fall to the tiled floor. The golden she’d been so excited about…ruined.  But no tears pricked her eyes as she pulled her hair down from its style, climbing into the shower and rinsing the whole evening away.

By the time she was done, cleaned off and changed into the clothes Rowan had let her borrow, her mind was whirring. Instead of numbness, she was feeling too much, and it hurt as she traversed back into the living room. Until she saw what Rowan had done.

Tears finally pricked her eyes as she saw the little blanket fort he’d made, creating a cozy little area right in front of the couch. 

“To make up for last time,” he said, referencing their annual sleepover, the night he’d gotten high and had cried to her about it. The night she wrote her first song. It hadn’t been long since then, but now she had journals full. 

More than a few of them were about him.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, those three little words that she so desperately longed to say but couldn’t. 

She forced her legs into action, coming to sit down by him in the little fort. It was spacious inside, with several pillows and blankets making it comfortable, but she still sat right next to him, unable to deny herself that. He smelled like pine, and she could feel the heat emanating off of him. She wanted to drown herself in him.

“I’m sorry,” Aelin said, her voice tight. Rowan’s brows furrowed, and she elaborated. “I ruined your night.” He was already shaking his head.

“No, Fireheart,” he said, reaching out to brush a strand of her wet hair behind her ear. She leaned into his touch. He wasn’t always this touchy with her, and had been even less so recently, so she craved this momentary closeness. “I’m sorry, for not realizing how bad it’d gotten.” 

Aelin just shrugged, glancing away from him. There was another moment of silence before - “Do you think I’m a joke?” The words were quiet. 

“Aelin,” Rowan said, trying to get her attention, but she wasn’t looking. “Aelin.” His voice was insistent enough that she turned to look, her gaze blurry from unshed tears. “Of course I don’t think that. You’re my best friend, alright?” His expression was full of determination, and she didn’t realize when it happened but somehow they were only inches apart. 

Her breathing suddenly felt tighter, her heart pounding and her core heavy with want as she realized how close they were. How she could lean forward just a tiny bit and his lips would be on hers. 

He seemed to realize it too, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he glanced down at her lips, leaning almost closer. 

“What are we doing?” She asked breathlessly, mad at herself but unable to continue without some sort of provocation. She didn’t want to ruin anything. 

“I don’t know,” her best friend whispered back, but it didn’t stop him from moving in, nearly speaking onto her lips.

“What does this mean?” Aelin pressed, desperately hoping for any hint that he felt the same way back. But her hopes were dashed when he answered-

“Does it have to mean anything?” He asked, and her heart crumbled, but she didn’t pull away. It was definitely self-sabotage, but if this was all she could ever get of him… she’d take it.

So Aelin crossed the space between them and kissed him. 

He hesitated for a moment, and she paused, wondering if she’d completely misread the situation, but then he was kissing her back. His lips were hot against hers, and she sighed into his mouth as he deepened the kiss, a hand sliding around to her waist, pulling her slightly closer. 

He tasted better than she could have ever even imagined, and her whole body felt charged, especially as he tugged her even closer. She ended up practically on his lap, every inch of their bodies touching. 

“Gods, Rowan,” she moaned into his mouth, her hands cupping the back of his neck. His had slipped under the hem of her (his) shirt, his skin hot against hers as he continued kissing her, their lips sliding against each other over and over again. 

But as he slowly shifted her to lay down against the blankets, Aelin hesitated. The farthest she’d ever gotten with someone was kissing, certainly not anything close to what she wanted to do with Rowan. Right here, right now. But she needed to tell him first.

“Rowan,” she said, an unwilling gasp escaping her as he pressed hot kisses to her neck. “Rowan -” she repeated, pressing at his shoulder, and he paused, pulling back to look at her. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, brows furrowed. “Do you want to stop?”

“No,” she shook her head desperately. But then she bit her lip, her cheeks flushed bright red. “I just - I’ve never done this before.” 

Aelin was sure he already knew, or at least suspected. She was an outcast at school, who would she have lost her virginity to? It wasn’t something she was normally embarrassed about, but for some reason she was now. 

Until Rowan smiled bashfully down at her. “Neither have I,” he agreed, and she blinked in surprise. She would’ve thought… he was on the football team, he was popular, he had girls like Remelle clinging to him. They were best friends, but for some reason she’d never expected that he would tell her, she just thought she’d always be doomed to lag behind. 

“Do you want to figure it out together?” He asked a bit shyly, and in that moment, as she nodded, she had to force herself to remember that he’d already shut down her feelings if he knew it or not. He’d already rejected her. It didn’t mean anything to him, it was just getting the awkward first time out of the way.

Aelin knew all of that. But she didn’t know how long she was going to last without telling him she loved him. She wouldn’t survive this much longer. 

But now wasn’t the time. Instead, she just gave in to the deep kiss he pressed to her lips, clutching his shoulders as he awkwardly settled himself on top of her. Her breath caught as she felt him hard against her, her body pounding with desire. 

Her toes curled against the blanket as he hesitantly nudged at her lips with his tongue, and Aelin opened her mouth to let him in. She didn’t think she could feel this much going on at once, her whole body felt like it was going to combust. 

One of Rowan’s hands was braced by her head, but the other reached for the hem of her shirt, sliding under it to touch the bare skin of her stomach. A shuddering gasp escaped her, despite how light the touch was, and she could feel him grin slightly against her lips. 

She clutched his shoulders tighter as he lifted his hand higher, his thumb caressing the underside of her bare breast. 

“Is this okay?” He asked, pulling back slightly, and she nodded, sucking her bottom lip in between her teeth. Another gasp escaped her as he brushed his thumb over her nipple, her toes curling against the blanket again. She was going to die.

He swallowed the gasp in another heartstopping kiss, groaning himself as Aelin finally moved her hands to reach for him through his pants. She needed him inside of her, now.

Rowan seemed to sense her urgency, leaning back to take off his jacket and quickly unbutton his shirt, stripping out of his prom clothes as quickly as possible. Aelin rid herself of his shirt, only hesitating a moment before laying back down, feeling suddenly exposed.

But he just let out a shuddering sigh, leaning back down to press a hot kiss to her neck. “You’re so beautiful.” 

Her whole body was pounding with desire, her skin covered in a sheen of sweat, and she pulled his head back down for another kiss. This time, his free hand slipped down to the hem of her underwear, slowly, while checking to make sure she was okay, sliding it down her legs. 

Aelin was sure her entire body was flushing red, but she fought the urge to curl into herself and hide as he saw her whole body for the first time ever. 

A dozen emotions passed over his face, but he just placed a light, reverent kiss to her lips as his free hand brushed over her clit.

“Oh,” she sighed, her brows wrought together and her eyes falling closed as he slowly pressed a finger into her. “Oh gods.” 

She’d never felt anything near this before, she felt like she was on fire, like she could dissolve into a thousand little pieces as he added another finger, slowly figuring out what to do, pumping them in and out of her. 

“Rowan,” she moaned, her head dropping back against the blankets. She clutched at him desperately, heat racing through every inch of her. But before she could reach that mythical cliff, she stopped him.

He pulled back, a question on his face, but she just lifted herself up on her elbows, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. She hadn’t gotten to see him shirtless anytime recently, and she’d been missing out.

Varsity football had only added to the muscles already defined across his chest and stomach and arms, and it was a mouthwatering sight. She could stare at him forever and never get bored.

“I want you,” she said breathlessly, and he just groaned, reaching for his pants. He pulled a condom from somewhere, sliding it on himself when he took off his underwear. Aelin couldn’t breathe at the sight. 

Her heart was pounding as he hovered over her, lacing their hands together and pressing them at the side of her head. 

“Let me know if it hurts, okay?” He asked, concern etched across his features, and warmth soared through her. Not desire this time, love. 

“I will,” she answered, smiling softly up at him. But the smile turned into a gasp as he pressed into her ever so slightly, her brows wrought together as he pushed in a little more. He was pressing dozens of little kisses to her neck and her jaw, fluttering over her cheeks too. 

It didn’t hurt, more uncomfortable, but she urged him to keep going, a long groan escaping her as he sheathed himself in all the way. 

And then he started moving. 

It was slow at first, and careful, but when she lifted her leg to dig a heel into his back, he picked up his pace, pushing into her faster and faster. 

Breathy gasps escaped her the more he went, and he groaned into her lips as he captured them for another kiss, deeper and more desperate this time. 

Their hands were clutched tightly together, bodies molding together as they shared this moment. It didn’t take long for Aelin to reach that edge, not for Rowan either, and she clenched around him tightly as they both fell into the grips of pleasure. 

Her body shuddered with the pleasure racing through her, and when she came down she was panting. So was Rowan, breathing heavily into her neck. 

It took a few moments, but then he was pulling out of her carefully. She winced slightly, but dismissed his concerned look with a shake of her head.

He went to dispose of the condom, but came back quickly, collapsing back down by her side. 

Externally, she was exhausted, her body tired from the ordeal she’d never experienced before. Internally, she was panicking.

Was this going to change things? Would it be awkward now? How was she supposed to go on pretending this didn’t happen? Pretending that with every concerned look and gentle touch she didn’t fall in love with him even more?

But she relaxed when Rowan tugged her closer to him, tucking her body in close like they’d slept that fateful sleepover only a few months ago. 

And neither of them said anything before falling asleep.

-----

taglist:

@wordsafterhours

@romancinghollywood

@superspiritfestival

@wishfulimaginings

@larisssss

@punkassbookjockey26

@shyvioletcat

@aelinchocolatelover

@s-uppertime

@leiawritesstories

@elentiyawhitethorn

@backtobl4ck

@goddess-aelin

@fromthelibraryofemilyj

@justreadertings

@rowaelinismyotp

@live-the-fangirl-life

@swankii-art-teacher

@tomtenadia

@highqueenofelfhame

@firestarsandseneschals

@thegreyj

@mariamuses

@house-of-galathynius

@rowanaelinn

@llyncooljones

@story-scribbler

@charlizeed

@bookcide

@elizarikaallen

@slytherhys

@booknerdproblems

@earthtolinds

@rowaelinrambling

@courtofjurdan

@peppermint-fae

[leiawritesstories]

everyone go read this!!!

[yazthebookish]

𝗥𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱, 𝗮𝘄𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱, “𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁. 𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”

𝗔𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻. 𝗪𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁, 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗰 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲.

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻, 𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗢𝗮𝗸𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗱, 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘀, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀𝗳𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴.

This exquisite Rowaelin piece was commissioned with @mistilteinnart whose work always takes my breath away 🤍 (link to post here)

[dear-ao3]

[writtenonreceipts-deactivated20]

Rowaelin One Shots

You and I   >>After a long day at work, Aelin’s relaxed night is interrupted by her roommates.

Halloween Drabble   >>It’s Halloween and Rowan is not eager at all to head out to a party.  But Aelin knows how to convince him other wise. 

Ten Years   >>Canon. Ten years after the war.

All My Love   >>Rowan meets a girl.  A girl who is fire and sun and light.  Aelin/Lyria reversal.

Sometime Around Midnight   >>A girl in a bar.  A boy in a bar.  When she stumbles in late one night, Rowan is sure that Aelin Galathynius is a passing ship in the night.  Until she keeps coming back.

The Chain the Box and the Lie   >>”Don’t look and me like that.” “Like what?” “Like you still love me.” Fools in Love   >>A follow up to The Chain the Box and the Lie

Memories   >>They were perfect for each other.

Reunion   >>Canon divergence. Aelin is being hunted by some unknown force.  

The Singles Clue isn’t Always Lonely   >>Aelin is single, Rowan is single.  Utterly happy about it.  Really.  They are fine.  But their friends don’t seem to think so.

Apologies and Anniversaries   >>Rowan knows he is in trouble, he just hopes his wife will forgive him. All the Reasons Why   >>Companion to Apologies and Anniversaries.  

Cliff Diving    >>Rowan keeps a promise.

What A Time    >>There was a time where she loved him.  A time where she thought they’d be together forever.  Now years later, Aelin is confronted with the man who stole her heart and all she remembers is those late nights and old talks.

Treadmill Guy and Shower Girl    >>After ogling the hot treadmill guy at the gym, Aelin gets karma.

Early Morning Escapades    >> we had one-night stands with roommates and sneak out of the house at the same time Part 2

The Fighter    >>Aelin is working to become the best basketball player she can, her end goal?  To join the WNBA.  After firing her last trainer, her cousin brings in one Rowan Whitethorn to train her.  

The Trick in the Night    >>Rowan Whitethorn, local beat cop, responds to a local disturbance in a neighborhood only to find one Aelin Galathynius up to her usual antics. Halloween themed.

The Cabin    >>When Aelin heads up to her family’s cabin for the holidays, she expects perfect isolation.  What she gets is a blast from the past. *and there was only one bed*

Firefly    >> Aelin though, had very specific plans that couldn’t be thwarted.  So she shut the bedroom door and quickly rifled through her suitcase.  It was easy to find the gold fabric of her two-piece. She’d bought it last weekend with Elide and Lysandra on a shopping trip and knew just how she would put it to use.

Music    >>A drabble.

A Story of the Ages - Part 2    >> Aelin and Rowan, friends since they were kids. Now in college, Rowan wonders what could be.

[midnightepiphany]

[shyvioletcat]

SNIPPET: Made of Ashes CH 19

It’s snippet time, I’m hoping to get this finished tomorrow, keep your fingers crossed.

~~~~~

Rowan had barely heard from his parents since he told them about Elspeth. Once he had explained everything to them, his parents had sat there in shock barely noticing when their food arrived. His father took the news better than his mother did. Evander just blinked a few times, then gave a slow nod. On the other hand, Iris Whitethorn was never one to hide her emotions and Rowan saw the hurt, anger and confusion play out across her face.

She had thrown one question at Rowan, and he hadn’t been able to give her an answer. The question had been why he hadn’t said a single thing about any of this to them. Rowan had been here for months and hadn’t said a word to his parents about anything that had happened with Aelin or Elspeth. When they had checked in he’d given his standard reply of being good, just busy with work. He rarely replied anything different, but his parents knew the drill. Their checking in, either way it went was more about touching base. But something like this would have required something more that Rowan wasn’t ready to figure out how to say.

Then his mother had said something else that was still nagging at him. She had looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes and said, You’ve been dealing with this all on your own?

[throneofus7]

Idk whether I’m excited or scared -

[faewaren]

Nicknames: when you shorten someone’s name affectionately

Nicholasnames: when you elongate someone’s name affectionately

[moonlit-sunflower-books]

friends to lovers never had a bad track. “scared i’ll ruin what we have” SLAPS. “friendship cuddles while secretly dying inside” BANGER. “teasing each other and holding eye contact for a little too long” KILLS ME. and don’t even get me STARTED on “screaming i love you in the middle of a heated argument.”

[born-to-lose]

Yeah yeah he has no morals but he has long hair

[morganofthewildfire]

for the fall prompts, can u bless us with "here, take my sweater"😌

----------------------------------------------

Take My Sweater

----------------------------------------------

~1k

wrote this literally in half an hour, sorry it took me like a year to do it 😂

--------

Aelin Galathynius refused to admit she was cold. If she did, if she admitted her teeth were chattering, her skin was crawling with goosebumps, her very bones were chilled, then she’d just be proving her mom right.

Her mom, who’d tried to shove a jacket on her right before she got on the bus for the ninth grade field trip to the corn maze. Aelin wasn’t sure what the point of this trip was, but she wasn’t going to complain about getting out of school for a bit. Not in this nice, not cold, weather. 

Another reason why she wouldn’t complain was the certain presence of another person on the field trip. Rowan Whitethorn. The only class they had together was homeroom, but every morning he left her thinking about him for the rest of the day, daydreaming and scribbling his name on the margins of her science textbook as she listened to her teacher drone on.

He was dreamy. Utterly gorgeous with his green eyes and his dimpled smile, the muscles that had already developed from baseball, showing through the sleeves of the t-shirts he always wore. Not that Aelin had paid that much attention, though who was she kidding. She stared at him every time they were in the same room, and thought about him every second after.

Maybe she was a bit obsessed. Who could blame her?

But she wasn’t sure he knew she existed. 

They’d been paired together once on the first day, when there was a stupid get to know you assignment in homeroom, but that was really the only time they’d talked. And now a few months later, she was still turning over that short interaction in her head, wondering if he could possibly feel the same way.

Aelin shivered as the bus slowed to a stop and the doors opened, the icy fall air seeping in. Lysandra, her best friend, snorted next to her, knowing her predicament. But she didn’t offer any help, so Aelin just rolled her eyes, standing up when their teacher called out for them to. 

Again, she didn’t really know what educational purposes a corn maze offered, but it was a day away from the classroom so whatever was required of them it would be well worth it. She slid her purse over a shoulder, her first ever purse, as she headed down the aisle of the bus toward the front door, avoiding looking to her left as she passed him. 

“What are we even doing here?” Lysandra whispered to her as they joined the crowd in front of the entrance to the maze. Aelin just shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself tightly as she waited for all of the other students to file out too. 

And of course, she didn’t notice as Rowan got off the bus, standing a few yards away to her right. And the flush on her cheeks was just due to the cold. Though it was really cold.

Aelin listened as her teacher explained what they were doing, and it was pretty clear that it was just a way for all of the staff to essentially get a day off too. All of the students were going to be let loose into the corn maze, and whoever found their way out first - using teamwork and intelligence - would get extra credit on their next exam. 

She already had all A’s, so she didn’t need the extra credit, but it’d be fun anyways. 

Except, as soon as she and Lysandra came to a crossroads, and disagreed on which way to go, she was left alone as the brunette disappeared down the other route. 

“Fine,” she huffed to herself, her breath making a cloud in the air. “I’ll figure this out by myself.” Her boots crunched against the leaves as she muttered to herself, following what she thought would be the right way out. But every step she took just made her shake more, her muscles seizing to try and keep warm. “Gods, it’s cold,” she cursed, rubbing at her arms.

Eventually, she was so desperate she leaned slightly into the corn, hoping the crop would give her some warmth.

“Are you okay?” A familiar voice asked, and she jolted away from the plants, her cheeks flaming red. Cautiously, she turned, meeting Rowan Whitethorn’s green eyes. Shit. 

“Yeah,” Aelin answered, flustered. “Just hoping the corn will help me find my way out,” she tried to joke, her teeth chattering. He furrowed his brows, stepping toward her a bit. They were only a few feet apart. 

“Here,” he said, pulling his sweater off over his head, leaving him in a thick long sleeved shirt. “Take my sweater.” And Aelin couldn’t resist as he held it out to her, taking it from him and sliding it on over her head. 

It was thick, green wool, and the lingering warmth from his body made her blush even more. 

“Thank you,” she managed to say, smiling a bit. He smiled back. 

“So,” Rowan said, shrugging. “Did the corn give you any hints?”

“Not really,” she shook her head. “Though I figured it was worth a shot.” Gods, was this really happening? Was he really talking to her? Was he really chuckling at something she’d said?

“Well,” he said, “Do you want to try and figure it out together?” Aelin looked up at him, shocked. And was even more shocked by the flush that seemed to be on his own cheeks, though she was sure that was just the cold, right?

Either way, how was she supposed to say no? Though she did briefly consider just hoping into the corn to avoid any further embarrassment. 

Instead, she forced herself to nod, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Sure,” she said, smiling. “Maybe we’ll have better luck than the plants.” 

Rowan laughed again, stepping closer up to her. “Let’s hope so,” he said. She nearly combusted as he carefully reached for her hand, giving her time to pull away if she wanted. 

Little did he know, she wouldn’t let go for a million years.

------

taglist:

@shyvioletcat 

@courtofjurdan 

@leiawritesstories 

@elentiyawhitethorn

@westofmoon 

@mariamuses 

@cretaceous-therapod 

@rowaelinrambling 

@foughtconquered 

@swankii-art-teacher 

@rowaelinismyotp

 @live-the-fangirl-life 

@sailorsassley 

@claralady 

@gracie-rosee 

@theinfernalbookworm 

@larisssss 

@peppermint-fae 

@charlizeed 

@llyncooljones 

@justreadertings 

@backtobl4ck 

@wordsafterhours 

@story-scribbler 

@mybloodrunsblue 

@sexy-dumpster-fire 

@dealfea 

@whoever-you-choose-to-love 

@tomtenadia 

@house-of-galathynius 

@1islessthan3books 

@fangirlprincess09

 @superspiritfestival

 @fromthelibraryofemilyj 

@rowanaelinn 

@gwynethhberdara 

@baxian-argos 

@thewayshedreamed 

@aelinchocolatelover 

@emilyoftheshadows 

@rhysands-whore 

@gigglinggummybears 

@shadowwolf777

@fireheart-violet 

@firestarsandseneschals 

@wishfulimaginings 

@thegreyj 

@fireheartwhitethorn4ever 

@rhysandswingspan 

@poisonous00

[mariaofdoranelle]

“He was dreamy.” that’s so cute

“But she wasn’t sure he knew she existed.” NOOO

“Was he really chuckling at something she’d said?” SO. CUTE.

PUPPY LOVE ROWAELIN IS SO ADORABLE THIS IS PERFECT

[isabellaofparma]

‘don’t you want your favourite character to be happy???’ no? i want my favourite character to be interesting. i want me to be happy. which sometimes involves my favourite character being in exquisite agony