“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid." from Lydia :3
Pearls was anxious, her heart fluttered in her chest, rattling in her ribs and her hands knotted into fists, holding tightly onto her green jumpsuit. She stared briefly at the mirror ahead of her, awkwardly averting her own gaze, she couldn't bear to look at her warped reflection, she had shuffled quietly away from the party just moments ago and now she felt hopelessly lost.
Her small frame looked twisted and contorted in the dim lights of the maze, she turned on the ball of her foot, doubting herself, ready to rejoin the party. It had only been a few moments since she broke away, she was beckoned away by Lydia towards this section of the maze but her mind is filled with dread.
"This was a bad idea, I shouldn't have come this way... It must've been a trick of the mirrors", she mumbles under her breath. Her mind fogged with the guilt of sneaking around, making bad decisions in the hopes of regaining what was lost to her.
Slowly the fear rising in her creeps up again. She couldn't see any trace of her party in the tracks behind her, she wasn't sure which direction they went, she wondered if they'd even notice her go, her mind a frenzy. She listened intently but there was nothing but faint scraping, and creaking. "What if I die in here... What if they leave without me?...", her whispers as she thought aloud breaking the silence around her. Pearls mind raced back to the school, and the dark abandoned hallways filled with ghosts and monsters. She thought to scream, she thought to alert the party, but what if she called something else here, while she was all alone? The creeping feeling of being watched, hunted, and stalked washes over her.
Salty tears threatened to spill from her eyes, she crouched and held her knees and tucked her arms close to her body. Her small fingers gripping onto the raven feather adorning her from the Raven Queen as she silently begins a prayer. Pearls nearly leapt from her skin, when she heard the slow methodical steps approaching her. To her right a voice broke through the sound of her shallow breathing. "You know Pearls..." a silky murmur called out to her, "There's nothing wrong with being afraid".
When she snapped her head up she locked her eyes to the dark hallway of mirrors. At the end a faint vision of a woman, she couldn't be made out well in the light but Pearls knew this is who she came for. Despite all the warning signs, all the harrowing stories, the hair standing up on end when she heard the voice, Pearls knew, this was the woman who would help her, this is who could return her dads. As she stood back up she brushed the tears off her face and nodded, walking down the narrow corridor towards Lydia. The sounds of her footfalls on the dry, dingy wooden floors beneath her steps steady her breathing.
Pearls with every step feels an old saying of Antolio's ring in her ears alongside the thud of her heart, "Fear is there to let us know we're still alive, being scared means there's still something left to lose".
Her eyes finally meet Lydia's at the end of the path. Lydia stands before her, dressed smartly, a tidy little clown dress and appropriately fitting makeup, that begin to ease Pearls mind on the dangers that face her. Pearls looks at her longingly, reaching out for a hug, or any grip of confidence, any touch of kindness, and any sign she hasn't stepped into a trap that will lead to a swift death.
Pearls knows there's danger here, it weighs heavily in her gut, her intuition says run, but with a face like that, how could you not trust Lydia.... After all... There's nothing wrong with being a little scared....
It was always.. somewhat of a surprise when Pearls hugged her like this. Her little arms, desperately trying to hold on with everything she had; her tiny hands, balling up Nimbra's cloak between her fingers and gripping on so tightly. As if she believed Nimbra would protect her, that she was safe by her side, always.
Even though Nimbra had failed Pearls so terribly. Even though, by all accounts, Pearls should have hated her. At the very least, the tiefling would not have blamed her for harbouring feelings like that; she'd failed to do the one thing she was supposed to, after all. The very same thing she had once promised Kay, before Jim's heart was ripped out of his chest.
Lio's death wasn't something she could fix. Even though she reached for him, held onto his shirt for dear life, his spirit didn't cling to her like Jim's did. She wondered if it was because she was never kind enough to him. Maybe if she had been, if she tried to understand him more sooner.. would things be different? Would he still be here, making sure his daughter was safe of his own accord?
...
But thinking like that wasn't good for either of them. Even if Nimbra kept her insecurities and guilt to herself, showing any signs of uncertainty around Pearls would only make what trust she had in Nimbra wane; and that was the last thing she would ever want.
She couldn't bring Antolio back, no.. but she could keep the promise she made to him. Her arms circling Pearls' tiny frame, pulling her into her side. With every last force of her life, she would protect this girl, and never allow anything to harm her again. Whatever she needed, whenever she needed space, Nimbra would always respect what was asked of her; she would never tell her not to mourn, or be angry at the world for taking away someone she loved so much.
She knew that same pain, after all; closing her eyes for a moment as she placed a hand atop Pearls' head. If it took forever, she would do everything in her power to make up to her that she ever had to feel it in the first place.. and she hoped, silently, that Pearls would always know that.
Pearls tugs at the hem of her dress, and bunches it between her fingers. Dropping her face to the floor for a moment silently she stares at the ground. She usually likes when adults check in on her, she wants to feel loved and cared for, after all everyone deserves to be loved. These days the questions come frequently however, and even "did you eat?", turns in her ears to "your dad wanted me to take care of you".
When she finally lets the air out of her chest that she unknowingly held in, she looks back up. When she was first acquainted with the party her life shined in her eyes, her hair glossy and always well maintained, her posture was always upright and giddy; but now in the weight in an adventure and grief she's held onto quietly she looked flat. Her hair while still in buns would sometimes be lopsided, or burst out from the elastic holding it in, she insisted every morning only she could touch it today, she didn't like how anyone else did it, nobody else could be as gentle and perfect as Kravitz. Her usually painted nails were chipped, and despite the party's best attempts, and her best attempts to hide it, the despair she felt finally bubbles to the surface.
Her silence was met again with, "Did you eat today?"
Her eyes welling with tears, her stomach gnawing on itself tirelessly, she shakes her head no. She knows that Nimbra would help her if she only asked, she knows the whole party would. But how do you tell them you don't want to eat their grilled cheeses, or their tea and cookies because it doesn't taste like daddies anymore?
When the party sits to eat she picks through her food and eats, she thanks her friends extra today for making her food. She says a prayer under her breath at the table.
"Raven Queen.... Istus ... I miss you.... Please bless my friends, and this lunch"
“I’m scared”
“You’re not scared, are you?”
“Are you frightened?”
“You can’t frighten me”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of”
“Are you scared of me?”
“I don’t want you to be afraid of me”
“You don’t need to be afraid of this”
“Why are you so scared?”
“I’m scared to death”
“Doesn’t anything scare you?”
“I’m not afraid”
“I’m not trying to scare you”
“Do I frighten you?”
“Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
“What’s your biggest fear?”
“You gotta be afraid of something”
“It’s designed to scare you”
“There’s no need to be afraid”
“I don’t want to scare you away”
“Are you scared?”
“I don’t scare easily”
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid”
“You terrify me”
“Don’t be scared”
Three things that Pearls thinks when Nimbra is mentioned;
💎 She's SO cool, I hope one day I can be as cool as Nimbra! I think she's probably even COOLER than Dad Lio! She's definitely more put together than he is....
💎 Crow is so pretty, I hope I can be his friend too, Nimbra is so good with him and he's so cute when he has his hat on.
💎 Nimbra should be careful, she breaks rules sometimes and I'm really scared she'll end up in trouble... I'd totally help her though! Maybe one day she'll need a distraction.....
34: what is your most embarrassing memory from childhood?
35: what is your favorite memory from childhood?
Pearls has had a fairly happy childhood since being adopted! She makes some mistakes, and now that her dad's are no longer with her it's been sad, but before that she has some great times.
She was easily so embarrassed it's hard to pick what mortified her the most! Often she felt like she didn't know what to do, and she recalls a specifically hard time dealing with Antolio that still makes her cheeks flush with embarrassment. The first time Antolio took her on vacation she cried and cried in the hotel room after she forgot to pack a swimsuit. She was so certain she had ruined the entire trip because she didn't have it. Antolio, thinking of how self reliant she was, hadn't thought to help her pack, and with a heavy heart himself seeing how upset she was explained to her that she would still be able to swim at the pool and that they'd just have to go get her a new suit. Now every time she packs a bag she double triple checks and often packs too much, but she still feels nervous before a trip!
Another embarrassing story comes to mind when she is asked but this one she usually keeps a secret. She remembers playing a game where she and Kravitz would have to answer questions quickly and honestly, and if they couldn't answer they'd have to eat something sour or spicy, something unpleasant just to raise the steaks. She usually would ask him hard questions that only someone who's been around for a few decades would know like "what's the best song that fantasy Abba ever made?" and "Do the germs KNOW if I wash my hands longer than 60 seconds? Do they time me back?". In turn he would ask her silly questions, maybe to learn more about her, or maybe to ease her always worried mind. Kravitz would answer one of her questions as best as he could before he would flash a smile and ask things like "well Pearls what do you think the best color is?", "what's the tastiest food?"... Or on one occasion "Pearls what are you going to be when you grow up?" Her face lit up and her eyes shined as she quickly responded "A big dog! Like Riku!". Kravitz tried to muffle a laugh, but the damage was done, Antolio who had been sitting in ear shot let out a hearty laugh (and for embarrassing he was punished with a particularly sour slice of lemon) Pearls was mortified by the laughter and nearly cried. She learned later that "big dog" was not a career she could choose, and despite that some people were big dragons, it was a little different! Her dad's tell this story more easily than she does, usually starting with something like "well Pearls is so cute you'll never believe what she said she wanted to do when she grows up!" ❤️
Some of her happiest memories came from learning to be a kid. Pearls had been taught with a strict hand to be so self-sufficient when she lived in Thunder Bay. When she finally got treated like a kid like she was, a sweet well mannered child, she oftentimes felt a wave of relief from finally getting help and enjoying the love she was given: whether it was in the form of a bandaid placed on her cuts, or getting carried in to her bed when she fell asleep in the carriage home. She realized early on that Kravitz, despite his dark subdue nature, was a real softie when it came to her and Lio. She fondly remembers begging him to help her with her hair, and his cool gentle hands making quick work to organize her hair into buns, or braids. Oftentimes she would let out a happy sigh while he spent his time brushing out her hair for her. Antolio was in many ways a real natural with Pearls. She'd remind him not to swear, he'd put her on his shoulders to run around. The two, while world's apart, seemed so happy in the company of the other. Antolio and Kravitz would work effortlessly together to hide cards, commit small slight of hand feats to get Pearls a win when they played board games after realizing that she'd always try to let them win.
Her all time favorite memory was getting to go to the ballet with her dad's, everyone got to get dressed up pretty, and the stage was beautiful. She was on the edge of her seat watching the dancers and she even got to have a nice dinner with her dad's afterwards. Pearls loves getting to dress up, and she loves getting to go out on day trips like that!
3: do you think your parents would be proud of you right now?
Pearls uncomfortably shifts her weight, leaning to the left, then to the right. She looks to the floor trying to come up with the words that don't quite work their way out so easy these days.
"I hope my dad's are proud of me... I've never done so many things wrong back to back, I feel so confused all the time. I know how to tie my shoes, and buy things at the store, and I know how to cast some spells... But sometimes I feel like I don't know the easy stuff, like how to sleep all night without waking up scared, or how to play chess like Dad said he'd teach me. My daddies left me too soon I think because I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do. I'm still not good at fighting. I'm not sure I'm very intimidating..."
Her eyes well up with tears as she rolls a rock over with the toe of her shoe.
"... But I think Dad, uh.. Lio... I think he'd be proud that I'm still fighting. I think he'd be excited to see me out here working with his friends and breaking out of my shell... I think though maybe Krav dad would ask me to mind my manners a little more. I probably shouldn't kick adults or sass people."
She giggles "But my other daddy would probably be twice as proud if he was still here, he loved kicking people."
'Salutations!’ Does your muse greet everyone or only just their friends? Or none at all? How friendly is your muse in general when they’re out and meet other people?
Pearls is too polite to ignore people usually, she's been known to greet even the people she dislikes the most. When she sees a friend it's all cuddles and warm wishes! She is a hugger and she loves a great big bear hug from her dads and godparents (Sophie's bear hugs are the best! 🐻 🐾)
If she dislikes you her greeting tends to be curt and cordial, nothing more than a nod and a "good afternoon".
She greets strangers like friends unless they prove to be bad! Everyone's a friend until proven guilty!
(posting late, computer broke before I got to post it after the Alice one shot!)
"Not guilty", a chorus erupted around her from the party, she bit her tongue. Pearls never would've thought she'd find herself on trial, especially in the face of murder. The crime they suggest hadn't happened yet, but she still felt a heavy pit in her stomach.
"What would you do for a chance to have him back, would you kill for it?"
Her face drops to the ground.
Today has been oh so confusing, for poor, sweet Alice. When the day started, she almost could have sworn that she may have been someone she was not, but everyone insisted it was her after all, poor, sweet Alice. Her dad when he was alive, told her a few fanatical tales like this, of days that were off, people who were big and small and not who they really were at all, but it was too much for poor Alice even then, she liked the story's that started at the start, and finished at the end with a happy ever after.
But- this story was not like that at all, with a beginning and an end, it was one that made her feel like she was going in loops! She saw Kravitz, the white rabbit, she touched him even, hung gently on the long ribbons of his coat tail, and he just quickened away because he was late. Late, late for what? After all she was standing here! But that was the issue wasn't it, maybe, just maybe, she really was Alice, because she had never, when she was someone else, been shrugged off so easily from Kravitz. Or maybe he was right, and he was the rabbit, and not her missing, reaper father. How peculiar indeed, as she used to be one of his favorite people, at least she was, when she wasn't Alice.
She went through a variety of doors, that had not been there before, she swears. Then there was the tea party, without tea, her mind in absolute knots over being offered a cup and then none was given. To make matters worse, she was a rat at once, or twice! And then big, and then small! And she was so confused when she wound up on who she almost thought could've been her god-dad's doorstep, if she was someone else that is. She has a bite to eat, how peculiar that it was not off in this twisted place she thought. And then once more she stood in front of people she should've known, that should've known her, but her mind flipped around again and again seeing her catty friend, the Cheshire cat, here, one of the places they needed to go having told them poorly instructions. How odd it all was!
After a long, hard, very very confusing day for sweet Alice, she finally tumbled her way, ever so clumsily, down off a wall, into the rose bushes, face first; her blue dress and apron snagged on the thorns and her face, stung up and angry threatening to bleed. Alice couldn't have been more mortified. How embarrassing it would've been.
Everything stopped for Alice when she heard the Red Knight, brushing off her skirt, her eyes snapped up.
When she heard the Red Knight, she could've sworn that all along, she wasn't really Alice, she was Pearls Rortugal-Lavillant. And that the tall rabbit this morning was her missing father, and the red suit of armour grunting at her to get inside was her very dead, very gone, dad. He stood about the same height after all, didn't he, and he crouched to her. Pearls wailed violently, she held him like a shaking leaf, because she was here, and he was crouched asking her to leave. Why didn't he want her, why didn't anyone today want her!
"Get inside" the knight said. Poor, foolish, Alice, she sobbed so openly at his rebuttal for her to walk away, but not because he was asking her to leave, but because she remembered that he was truly, really, already gone. As she turned in her black buckled shoes, Pearls knows she heard him say softly, "Just play along, I love you.".
Her little shoes tromped to Enid, her mind a confusing fog, her lungs hiccuped in air trying to forget the sound of him telling her to leave but obeying his instructions. Pearls always listened to him, and now he was telling her play along.
How confusing it is to play along when you don't understand the game! When she entered the palace, she heard her options inside the great hall, they insisted she'd commit a crime she'd never even imagined. How could this be what Antolio wanted her to do, her ears must've played tricks, because she thought no dad would have wanted her to play along with being put on trial!
"Maybe it didn't happen yet, maybe it will. What would you do for the chance? Would you kill to have him back?"
Maybe -- she would play along. Maybe that is what he wanted. Maybe she had to play.
Contact Name: Pearls
Contact Picture: One of her taken during a family outing at the aquarium-- she's posing in front of a fish tank.
Ringtone: Lio set all of his ringtones to 'don't fear the reaper' and he doesn't know how to change it back.
Social Media: Kravitz figured out how to friend her on Fantasy Facebook, but he only uses it to comment on her pictures and argue with Jim.
Three Most Recent Phone Calls:
1. "What time do you want me to pick you up from Sophie's?" - 2 minutes.
2. "We're having a stern talk about what you and Kay did. I'm not angry. I love you." - 10 minutes, followed by an in-person talk.
3. "I'll meet up with you and your father in Tesseralia to help with the eclipse. Don't worry, everything will be fine." - 20 minutes.
[Last call recorded]
Three Most Recent Messages:
1. "Pearls, how do i change my ringtone? Your dad messed it up again. Thank you. - Dad"
2. "Are you outside? I'll be there in five minutes. Love you. - Dad."
3. [MESSAGE SENT, BUT NOT RECEIVED]
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