2013 - 2019
I don’t even know how to start this post, but i think it’s better just go directly to the point. I’ve been thinking a lot these two past month (considering september is practically over) and i came to the conclusion that i’m going to leave this blog, forever. At first i thought about deleting it completely but i’m still attached to a lot of memories i have here, there are still a lot of things that have this sentimental meaning for me, so i decided i’ll just leave it as a place to remember some good old days.
The thing is that i realized that even though those beautiful moments, i haven’t been completely myself here and it has become a burden to be “tinker” (to put a name), i realized that i wanted so bad to have a group of friends, meet new fellas, find people with similar music taste and be in the community that i forgot to be myself, i forgot this was my blog in which i was supposed to post / reblog / share things i (myself) loved; instead, i was lying to myself, saying “yeah, this is me! i swear, i want this as well!” but no, i was just trying to be part of fandoms… and unfortunately that was a big mistake, because i started to hide some bands i really enjoyed since i didn’t feel comfortable to share my love for them, i limited myself to be fan of certain bands only and to try to reblog everything everyone was sharing when many times i didn’t feel like doing it. i even started to draw away from those bands, like if it wasn’t about the music anymore, it wasn’t about the lyrics anymore, it was just about the toxic views and the dramas, but i felt forced to keep reblogging / liking things about them, so to speak.
I tried to be away some time, i tried to remind myself that this was my place after all, i tried to come up with a better idea to “recover” my dream (the meaning of why i put this url to my blog), but it wasn’t enough, i still don’t feel complete and i don’t want to keep lying to myself and pretending everything is cool. So, the best thing for me to do is give and ending to this big cycle (imagine, everything started on 2013, wow!)
However, i want to give a big big thank you to the mega friends i did here, because they were like that light and that permission i had to be myself, if that makes sense. a big thank you to those friends we had a great time before and now we don’t even talk. a big thank you to the mutuals that even if we never talked, made me feel appreciated for liking / reblogging / sharing the things i loved. really, thank you so much to everyone, i hope you don’t commit the mistake i did and actually are happy with your blogs and things are going well in your lives, i wish you all a lot of luck and happiness.
Now, as i said above, i’m not gonna delete this blog, it’ll be here and i’m going to log once in a while for those good memories and of course, to have a contact with my friends. So, if you want to keep messaging me, i’m gonna read your messages but sometimes it will take me some time, so i apologize!
and i think that’s all. i hope everyone is doing fine, thank you for everything and goodbye, i guess.
