[timhaggard]

“This calls for wisdom. Let the person who has insight calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man. That number is 666.” - Revelation 13:18

This is the bible verse that links the Antichrist with the number 666.

What if we have been looking at this all wrong. Instead of using numerology or adding up the numerical values of the Hebrew letters associated with “antichrist”, what if this means something completely different? What if it literally means what it says? 

Let me explain. Imagine there is a list with 1000 names on it. Each name is assigned a number, like a roster. And what if it just so happens that he is number 666 on the list?

What if the apostle John somehow got the list and figured out who it was. Then he hid the list in the church at Ephesus. Then, lets say some relic hunter slash crusader stumbles across a collection of John’s writings sometime after his death. And like any good crusading relic hunter, he sends the papers off to the pope for safe keeping in the Vatican vaults; where it remains today, tucked away among long forgotten scrolls.

I just broke your eschatology. 

[timhaggard]

[timhaggard]

I make these at work as a way to vent and break the monotony.

[timhaggard]

Imagine a food eating competition. 

Now imagine all the competitors are spiders.

Let that bounce around you head for awhile.

[timhaggard]

Clampy

When I was a child, I had a pet lobster named Clampy. I loved Clampy as much as any boy could love his pet lobster. I would hug him and pet him and we would watch cartoon all Saturday morning.

One day I noticed that Clampy seemed really stressed out. I don’t like to see my friends upset. Being the caring person that I am, I did some research into stress reduction techniques. I found the usual things. Meditation, deep breathing, acupuncture. None of these seemed like they would work for Clampy. Then I found it. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. Take a warm relaxing bath. 

I headed off into my kitchen and dug out the biggest pot I could find. My parents wouldn’t let me use the bathtub. I hoisted that pot up on top of the stove, filled it full of water and turned the burner on to warm the water. It’s no fun trying to relax in a cold tub of water.  I knew that lobsters live in the ocean and the water there is salty so I added some salt to his bath as well. 

I remembered that sometimes people use fragrances and things like that to help them relax while in the tub. I dug around my kitchen and found some aromatics of my own and tossed them into the pot of water. I turned the lights out and lit some candles and placed them all around the kitchen and I turned on some soft relaxing music. 

With the kitchen optimized for relaxation, I went and got Clampy. I held him real close to me as we set off for the kitchen. I stroked his little head and told him I had just the thing to help him relax. When we got to the kitchen and the warm pot of water, I gave him one last hug as I slid him into his relaxing bath and left the room so he could relax in privacy.

After a few minutes I went back into the kitchen to check on Clampy, Right away I noticed something was amiss. He had turned all red and wasn’t moving. I scooped him out of the water as quick as I could and came to the sudden horrible conclusion that Clampy was no more. He had gone to that giant lobster tank in the sky. I was heartbroken. My parents found me clutching Clampy’s lifeless shell to my chest while I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. My best friend was dead.

I wanted to bury Clampy behind our home and hold a memorial service for him. But seeing as how my family lived in an apartment, my parents didn’t think that would be a good idea. They agreed to take care of Clampy’s mortal remains. I was inconsolable for weeks.

Since then, I have adamantly refused to bathe any pet that I have had.