just another night

i was just another promise you couldn't keep. >>not the real ellen page<<

[notsolongagojoe]

He hated these things. He always has. Sure he will stand there and smile, talk to whoever comes his way and charm the pants off of them, but that didn’t mean he actually enjoyed these things. His suit was all itchy, but he did look good in it and that seemed like the only perk that night. Sipping on the complimentary champagne flute he was given to by a director, he tried not to think about how just a year ago he was traveling the world, laughing and smiling, instead of being at one of these things. Joe had traveled the world before but doing it by her side, it was something different, somehow it made him see the world a little different. Then again everything Tasha did made him see the world a little different. She was only the second person who could do that for him and since he let the first one get away he wasn’t going to let Tash get away. Or at least that’s what he told himself the moment he met her.

“Did you get the new script I emailed you to look over?” Joe wasn’t even sure of the guy’s name who was in front of him talking to him anymore. Part of him didn’t care. All he could think about was the voicemail he had gotten that morning, how Tash had called and left it saying that she was going to request full custody of their son as a part of their divorce. It came a bit of a shock to him, even though it shouldn’t have. She found him a few months earlier sitting on the bathroom floor, needle in his arm as he took the deep breaths, enjoying the once familiar high. He didn’t mean to relapse, it just kind of happened. He also didn’t expect her to find him like that, or find out about his little problem at all.

There was a lot of yelling, him trying to explain and apologize, her screaming at him that she was going to leave him because how could he do that to her, especially after knowing her family’s past with drug use? The yelling didn’t stop until Daniel woke up crying.

Joe took another sip of his champagne as he nodded to the mysterious director, replying with a lie saying that he did get it. He’d have to check his emails later to see if it was true or not but for now as long as he could fake it. As he continued to half listen to the man, he finished his drink and gently and semi consciously rubbed at his inner elbow, the need to pierce his skin with the needle getting stronger with every minute. Even though he promised to go to rehab - which he didn’t - and promise to stop - which he is trying to - Tasha still wanted the divorce telling him that he knew that this was a deal breaker and how could she not tell him that he had a past with the drug? A sigh escaped him against his better judgement and his dark brown eyes grazed across the room looking for another server with a champagne flute or even something a bit stronger.

Except of booze, his chocolate brown eyes landed on her.

Ellen Page. The first real love of his life and possibly one of the worst influences in his life. This girl, no woman, was part of the reason why he started the drugs, caused him to turn into a man that he didn’t even recognize, but was also the best parts of him. She was his best friend and even though he had called her just the day before for her birthday, it felt like he was looking at her for the first time in almost three years, because he was. Excusing himself from the man, he moved over to the petite girl, his stomach turning in knots, though that could have been the lack of food he had today and the immense alcohol he had instead. When he finally stood in front of her, it felt like the world was silent and still in the moment and it was only just the two of them. All thoughts of the divorce, all thoughts of the custody battle he was about to face off in was gone as he smiled at his best friend. Joe wanted to hug her but he didn’t know if their past was behind them far enough that it was okay to do that without warning. So instead he cleared his throat and awkwardly started with, “No one told me you were on the guest list…not that, that is a bad thing I’m just surprised.” There was a small awkward pause before quickly adding, “Oh! Wait, you were in that one small independent movie weren’t you? I took Tasha to see it, she loved it…you know what, let me try that again. Hi, how was your birthday?”

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

I Wanna Be Yours || Solo

They say once a cheater always a cheater. Well, Ellen wasn't so sure she believed that. She liked to think that people would meet people and fall in love, but when they really fell in love, like the real kind... They wouldn't fuck it up. She hadn't.

Ellen knew she was in the real kind of love when he asked for a foot massage and she realized his feet didn't gross her out. She must have really loved him when she pointed out a booger hanging in his nose. She must have really love him because she let him touch her when she slept. She must have really loved him when she could sit there on his couch and watch him play video games without being bored. She must have really loved him because she all the gross sides of love with him. And it wasn't gross anymore.

He must have loved her when he gave her his black jacket while walking down the Thames River. He must have loved her when he shared his bud with her and she got so high she starting to feel everything all at once. He must have loved her when she was high he bought her an extra Twix because he knew she'd be hungry and one Twix just wasn't going to cut it. He must have loved her because didn't want to fuck it up.

Still.

Ellen had taken to living a rather lonely life with just her dog, Ein, in California. She spoke to her mother almost everyday. She enjoyed writing, panting, and still had the bad habit of drinking too much too often. Occasionally she'd hear from old friends, like Channing who would call from the East Coast saying he saw something and thought of her. They're conversation would be short, because he'd have to go back to taking care of Everly and tending to his newly pregnant wife. Ellen would go back to sitting on her couch in her lonely condo that smelled of cigarettes and had a constant smokey atmosphere. 

Sometimes she'd hear from him. His name would pop up on her vibrating phone, and she'd have to take a second to realize that he was actually calling her. She'd answer. It wouldn't take five minutes before he was asking her to come over and read a new script for his show. "Send via email," she'd reply.

"That's now how I like to work, you know that." And she did. He'd want her to read the lines of the leading girl while he'd read the lines of the leading guy. Then out of no where he'd kiss her. That wasn't in the script. Until it was. And suddenly the two would be kissing on his couch where he had probably recently fucked his girlfriend. Her fingers would leave slight red marks on his ribs.

She almost felt bad at first. Ellen got over the second time he called and the same thing happened a second time. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth. Until Ellen found herself looking forward to his calls where she'd answer playing coy, acting like she was busy and might now be able to make it this time. After all he had his girlfriend...

And now wife.

Ellen lit up her cigarette outside in the crisp LA air. The sun was just rising, and Ellen leaned back in her chair, exhaling the smoke and took a sip of her coffee. "Huh," she said, trying really hard not to care. Ein lifted his head. "He's married now." She didn't finish reading the article.

Happy New Year.

She was almost finished with her third cigarette when her phone started singing. His name popped up with a picture that he had taken and set as his own contact photo. Just let it ring. Just let it ring. Just let it ring. But before she could stop herself, Ellen was swiping right to accept the call. "Hello?" she answering, trying to feel okay with the new knowledge she had about him.

"Hey El."

"Hey Joe."

[regularjosephgordon-levitt-blog]

Los Angeles. The city of angels. The city where people flocked to to make their dreams come true. The actor who was born and raised there saw nothing but bleak and misery as he pulled his hat down over his face, keeping himself hidden. He didn’t want to be recognized. He never did but today especially. Today was a day that his addiction called out for him. The burning in his veins made every step burn and his body ache. Joe was going to cave, he knew this. He was going to give in to his addiction, let the drugs take over his mind and he didn’t care. He just didn’t want anyone to see him.

He kept his head down, avoiding the gazes when he bumped into someone.  “Sor—” He started and then stopped. Standing in front of him was his vice. The real reason he was caving the white powder, not becuase of the burning sensation but becuase of her. She was his vice. “Ellen.” He croaked out, pupils blown wide. It had been so long.

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

She wore the sad look so well nowadays. Her eyes were constantly glazed over from some drug that she didn't even bother to ask what it was. Know what you're putting into your body, she remembered an ex-lover warning her. But she was tough, at least in her mind, she was fucking indestructible. And the fact that Ellen had to act like she didn't care was the worst part. Acting wasn't moving on, but the truth was, she wasn't sure she could move on from him. She had never known a bliss or a heart ache that hurt. All those months ago, Ellen knew that leaving was the only way to go, but it still.

Did her face remind him off the mess he made? It's not fair. His hat puled so down in front of his face, her hair draped creating a curtain and was several inches longer than the last time they saw each other. 

The way he said her name made her feel. Something she had been avoiding... Yet despite the physical and emotional abuse, all he had to do was say her name and it color back to face. Although her eyes tried hard to focus, she could make out his lips clearly. Those lips that she wanted to kiss on an impulse. "Hey kid," she tried to awkwardly play it off, like seeing him in front of her didn't just give her the best high. "Where have you been hiding?"

[radtracks]

Visit Original Link

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

me and my broken heart // rixton

all i need’s a little love in my life all i need’s a little love in the dark a little but i’m hoping it might kick start me and my broken heart

[leoreturns-deactivated20110811]

[tumboner]

leoreturns:

I have been waiting all year to post this.

omg

[merspers]

This has been in my queue for months.

[mcgooglykins]

I missed it last year and I vowed that would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

[thatsoundsprettynice]

YES

[xbstnmnr-deactivated20241116]

omg i didnt reblog this last year!

[petamia-blog]

HAHAHAH

[ariadnesbishop]

OMFG YES I DIDN’T MISS IT THIS TIME

[regularjosephgordon-levitt-blog]

I'm The Best You Had || Jello

[regularjosephgordon-levitt-blog]

One look. That’s all it took to tell that she wasn’t okay. Joe didn’t say a single word when he took her in his arms, pulling her close. She could kick and scream all she wanted but she needed him. Whether she knew that or not. “I’m not sure when I became kid but hey.” 

Normally he would have bit back, made some kind of sarcastic remark about it all but he was tired of fighting with her. 365 days of nothing but fighting. He was done with it. He couldn’t even remember the last time they were happy together…all he knew it was before the lies started. 

He stood there for a bit, his arms holding her protectively like he should have all those months ago. When he was the one throwing the punches figuratively and literately…that was the one thing he wish he could forget. The way her face looked after. “Whose ass am I kicking?” His voice was soft and he tried to portray how much he really did care. He did car for her, always did. It was why he pushed her away instead of fighting for her…she didn’t deserve the destruction he brought with him wherever he went. 

He knew now that he should have fought for her. He shouldn’t have just walked out of her life like that and he still regretted it. Sure he was happy, he was in love and he was happy but he still regretted it. There were nights he found himself letting his mind wander to what it would be like if they were still together. Would they have made it? Would they still be together or would he mess it up again? He wasn’t sure and it killed him. Dreaming of what could have been…

"Seriously, El. What’s wrong?" He extended his grip on her and placed a hand on her cheek softly. She had been there for him when he was at some of his lowest parts in his life, it was the least that he could do. 

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

Their bodies always had this way of fitting so perfectly together, and for a small moment, Ellen forgot how to breath. She closed her eyes, not making a sound. She wanted to be found, because the war she had within herself was tearing her apart. The only way out was through everything she was running from - and now she was in the arms of the man who caused most of her scars. She wanted to give up and lie down. But the little support that held her currently was enough to keep her from going insane.

She didn't miss him anymore. At least, not completely. It would come and go in waves. Sometimes waking her up in the middle of the night with a sudden realization that she was alone in her bed. She didn't cry, at least. She'd just lay there and try not to think. She'd try not to focus on who she was or wasn't with. Because sometimes, when the sudden sadness would come over her, she wouldn't be alone. There would be another man, whether he'd be there to make breakfast in the morning or not, Ellen was never sure. But even having another warm body next to her, she still felt so far away.

Ellen knew that she didn't need another person to make her life complete, but being completely honest, having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world.

 She intentionally ignored his question. She wasn't about unload how terrible her love life was, how the guy she was kinda-not-really-sorta-boyfriend-who-had-a-girlfriend-and-she-lived-far-away-so-we-were-more-like-fuck-buddies-and-now-I'm-the-other-woman situation. "Is there something you need?" As she asked the question, it sounded weird trying to sound so... domestic around him. She was anything but tame, but Joe was practically a stranger now. A face she used to know. Lips she used to kiss. Eyes she used to draw. 

She didn't realize that she had still held onto his hands, and her thumb lovingly stroked the backs of Joe's hands. When she noticed, her arms fell like stones to her side, swaying awkwardly. But it just felt so natural to hold his hand. It always did. Their fingers would chase each other in the middle of a conversation, not even realizing that they were playing games with their hands.

They looked funny together. Hearts were sad, and eyes were tired, but they'd drink Red Bull which would give them rings around their eyes. Maybe they'd sit down to watch daytime tv and laugh at mom's who don't who the father is. After all, who needs love? 

[attorneywright-blog]

“There’s a lot of validity to the anger that they feel—something that I personally feel.” (regarding The East)

[regularjosephgordon-levitt-blog]

I'm The Best You Had || Jello

It had been months since he last saw in. He couldn’t even pinpoint the last time he saw her really. Was it at the supermarket? Did they pass by each other on the side walk? Or was it even at the studio, their eyes locked with the others but no words were spoken? Joe wasn’t sure but he knew this was long over do. Hopefully enough time had passed that they could do this without fighting…that they could restore their friendship.

That’s what he missed the most. Their friendship. They used to be unstoppable, not letting anything get in between them when in the end it was them that got in between each other. It started with his lies, his drug problems and after a year of fighting, yelling and failed relationships here they were. Actually more there he was, outside her apartment door having texted her hours earlier asking her if he could stop by. Hands shaking slightly, his palms sweating he could close his eyes and picture it perfectly. 

He was back in London, standing outside her door seeing her for the first time in over a year. They were to go bar hopping, catch up with each other and just joke around…before they both fucked up everything. Opening them he was transported back to the present. He wasn’t in London he was in LA, he was dating someone new and he was…believe it or not he was happy. He just had to fix the one thing that was missing in his life. Her. Inhaling he raised his hand and knocked on the door and waited.

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

Here she was, almost 30, and as she sat on her couch in her pajamas, Ellen realized she could count on one hand the amount of time she was in love. Genuinely in love. It was much harder than the movies portrayed, and she wished for once, that someone would just be honest about love. Just once. But maybe there was a bigger problem than that. No one knew how to be honest about it. When her phone vibrated, and Ellen saw Joe's name pop on her screen, she flipped the phone over, biting her bottom lip as she debated whether or not to read it. But she did. Joe always showed up when she least expected it. He was a ghost most of the time, and both of them knew it. It's why the broke up in the first place.

Of course, when she read the text, and he asked if he could come over, her thumbs hovered over the letters, debating. Ellen hadn't just finished a relationship. Although, it wasn't really a relationship. The tables were turned this time: she was the other woman. His name was Nick, and he was tall, dark, and handsome. What attracted to her to him was how charismatic he was, How he was the center of the party and always so happy. Nick reminded her of someone she used to know....

But, Nick had a girlfriend. In Virgina. But that didn't stop their friendship. They bonded over the same movies and shared music, never hanging out on their own, but they were in the same group of friends, so they could never avoid each other. But they never really wanted too. Late one night, there was a knock on her door, and much to her pleasant surprise it was Nick. Drunk and loud, asking if he could spend the night. Ellen was not the type of woman to sleep with another woman's boyfriend, so she did the polite thing and said no and took him to his own house. When he kissed her in his bed room, Ellen felt the goose bumps crawl up her legs, but left him there alone.

Exactly two weeks later, they shared drinks on the beach. He drank rum and she drank tequila. "I want to have sex with you," she whispered in her ear, as his hand travelled up her thigh.

"You can't," Ellen protested, but knew, deep down, she was about to make a mistake. She just wanted to be his, and perhaps he was the closest thing to feeling love since Joe that she had gotten. The sex on the beach was dirty, sand everywhere.

"I don't want you fucking any other guys," Nick muttered, breathing heavy. 

"You don't have that right," Ellen shook her head,and that seemed to enrage Nick as he through her off him. Drunk conversations were the worse, because everything came out. But Ellen had learned how to control this. "I'm not giving you my sob story," she snapped at him.

"No, please do. You must want to tell me about it or you wouldn't have brought it up." 

Nick wouldn't understand. And Ellen wasn't even sure how an hour later she ended up in his bed. What was said? What had she done? "I need a physical relationship. I need to be with someone. I love Alyssa, but she's not here and I will probably only see her once every three years."

Two more weeks, and not a word from Nick. Ellen felt like she lost one of her best friends. Again. However, the next time when they did go out with friend to a club, he danced with her. So of course, they hooked up again. This time, when they woke up, he kissed the top of her forehead and promised to text her when they're friends were going to dinner. 

And this, was when it all went down. She stayed sober, Nick drank a whole bottle of Fireball whiskey and a couple beers and then dropped a bomb on their friends. "I'm thinking of asking Alyssa to marry me." This opened the flood gates that slowly began to drown Ellen. 

"I want her to meet my grandmother."

"I want to be physically with a girl for four years before I marry her. But I can't be with her unless we get married."

"I love her, but if I meet some other girl that I can't live without, I'll break up with Alyssa and make the other girl my girlfriend."

That's when Ellen knew she wasn't that girl. So when he kissed her neck the night before, and it felt like falling in love, she knew that she had been sorely mistaken. All she wanted was his lips on hers at four in the morning and seven at night. She thought it was love, but now Ellen knew it was just infatuation.

Nick didn't love her. Neither did Joe. They just didn't want to be alone. Maybe she was good for their ego, but they didn't love her. And it didn't matter anymore.

"Of course (:" Ellen texted back to Joe. She had to make the conscious to stay away from Nick now, just like she had too with Joe. She deleted Nick's number, deleted him off all her social media. She couldn't deal with him. She wasn't the girl he would leave his girlfriend for. She was just as damaged as ever.

Her feet were bare as she went to the door when Joe knocked. And maybe it was obvious that she had been crying, the blood shot eyes, the blotchy face. Joe may not have seen Ellen in a long time, but he wasn't stupid. "Hey kid." Her face smiled, but her eyes didn't.

[youdonthavetogohome-blog]

[ind3lible]

Visit Original Link

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

It’s like I’m her new nightmare, she ain’t escaping It makes me feel a bit complete Knowing someone you love don’t feel the same way about ya Memories they soon delete

[regularjosephgordon-levitt-blog]

New laundry detergent…getting wild there, Ellen.

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

I've really been that wild.

[regularjosephgordon-levitt-blog]

….Car fumes smell like home now?

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

I was thinking more of the new laundry detergent I bought.

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

[arcticbandguy-archive-blog]

Maybe I just wanna be yours

[thetinycanadian-blog]

Favorite Pictures Of Ellen Page [9/100]

[arcticbandguy-archive-blog]

how to make yourself sad

ship arthur and ariadne

listen to john mayer’s ‘dreaming with a broken heart’

apply that song to them

feel sad

[tiny-canadian-named-ellen]

Text || Smalls

Channing: Hey babe. Been awhile.

Ellen: It has. Causing trouble as always?