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House really doesn't want to do work. He also doesn't want Wilson to do work. Funny, turns out that House has a solution to both those problems.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey folks! I tried to hold out but unfortunately the awful terrible medical malpractice show has enraptured me. Wilson is so special to me, so this fic was born. Hope that y'all enjoy!!
âWhy are you so nervous all of a sudden?â
House squinted at Wilson, scrutinizing, running through the last few moments in his mind to figure out what had changed. Heâd been bugging Wilson in a rather successful attempt to avoid his own work, and Wilson had been doing his best to ignore him in a disappointing attempt to continue his own.
Heâd started with just talking, verbally prodding at anything and everything and never getting a bigger reaction than an exasperated sigh. Then, there were a few thwarted attempts at swiping various objects off Wilsonâs desk. When neither of those did anything, House snuck his cane under the desk and jabbed at him, revelling in the flinchâ
Wait.
Wilson had flinched. Not one of those wimpy âyouâre an ass and that hurtâ flinches. That was a full body âI was caught off guard and had an instinctual physical reactionâ flinch.
Oh, this was going to be good.
Something must have flickered in his face because suddenly, Wilson was standing, hands held in front of him and still wearing that deer-in-headlights look.
âHouse,â he warned, âwhatever youâre thinking, donât.â
Does this man even know him? âWilson, in what universe has that ever convinced me not to do anything?â House pulled himself up, steadying himself with his cane. âThis is the most exciting thing thatâs happened all day!â
âIâm working! You should be working!â Wilson watched his movements like a hawk; if House shifted in one direction, he leaned towards the other. He looked like a five-year-old playing tag, hiding behind his desk to avoid being it.
House scoffed, âCome on, youâre a big boy, youâll be fine! Itâs not like you have anything to be worried about, right?â
He lunged to one side, laughing when Wilson jolted in the other direction.
âHouse, no!â Wilson kept glancing behind him towards the door.
âHouse, yes!â House grinned. It was a nobodyâs coming to save you kind of grin. âYou flinched, Wilson. I canât just let it go. What if youâre hurt? I think a full examination is necessary.â
His friend sputtered, a faint shade of red starting to creep up his cheeks, and, well, wasnât that interesting? House wondered what he could do to draw that out a little further.
Wilson must have noticed his moment of distraction, because he took it as an opportunity to make a break for the door.
Of course, he forgot that House has a weapon on him at all times, and tumbled to the floor ungracefully after House whacked him in the shin with his cane. That man really has to learn one of these days that House is never above playing dirty.
By the time Wilson managed to scramble to his feet, House was standing between him and the door. Wilson squinted at him, clearly weighing something in his mind.
âCome on,â House said, âyouâre not going to try and overpower a cripple, are you? And here I thought our little golden boy always played fair.â
House took a step forward. Wilson took a step backward. He already had his hands held out in front of him, like that was going to be any defense against House on a mission.
âHouse. You donât have to do this.â Wilsonâs voice wobbles a bit, and House can see the barest hint of a grin trying to curl up the corners of his mouth.
Honestly, Wilson is a grown man, he shouldnât be capable of looking adorable.
House pretended to consider, âHm, I donât know. Do you want to take my clinic hours for the next week?â
âWhat? No!â Ah, there was that mothering tone, heâd almost forgotten what it sounded like. âYou canât just threaten people into doing your work for you!â
âOh ye of little faith,â House jibed. âSure I can. All I have to do is go, âHey, Wilson, Iâm gonna tickle the snot out of you until youâre crying like a little girl unless you waltz up to Cuddy and tell her that, out of the goodness of your heart, youâve decided to take on a month of my clinic duty.â How did that sound?â
The red painting Wilsonâs cheeks was prominent now, and House took great joy in how he floundered for words, his mouth opening and closing while his brain buffered.
âAÂ month?â Of course thatâs what he got from that. âWhat happened to a week?!â
Now he was curious, âWell, would you do a week?â
âNo!â Wilson sputtered, somehow still managing to sound indignant despite his predicament, âYouâre a doctor, House! Sometimes that means you have to take care of patients!â
Another step forward. Another step backward and a dull thud as Wilson bumped into his desk. House could see the spark of fear that flashed across Wilsonâs face, likely caused by whatever predatory expression was gracing Houseâs. He almost felt bad.
Actually, nah, House is pretty sure that he couldnât get any more sick enjoyment out of this if he tried.
He fakes his hands towards Wilson, laughing in glee at his jolt and panicked âDonât!â
Then again, heâs always been open to further experimentation. House is a man of science after all, it would be remiss of him to ignore the opportunity to form a new medical opinion.
Or something like that, at least.
âAlright, enough messing around,â House said, âLetâs get to work.â
Before Wilson could blink, House had tossed his cane at him, trusting that his instincts would be inclined more towards protecting his face in the moment. Heâs pretty sure that Wilson managed to go through the five stages of grief in the time it took him to lift his hands and catch the cane.
It was nice to have something House knew that he could rely on.
Of course, the cane went clattering to the ground when House took the opportunity to dig his fingers into Wilsonâs newly exposed ribs. He choked out a half-snort, half-laugh, and immediately folded over at the waist in a futile attempt to protect himself.
House raised his voice to be heard over the sound of Wilsonâs gigglesâbecause of course Wilson would be a giggler, why on earth would he expect anything else?âand said, âI cannot believe you never told me about this! Weâve been best friends for years!â
He moved down to prod at Wilsonâs sides, which were deemed incredibly squishable by his standards, and which also drove up Wilsonâs laughter to a hilariously squeaky pitch.
âHouse, quit it! Iâ shihihit!â Wilsonâs voice cracked as he protested, but as he finally managed to grab hold of Houseâs wrists, he wasnât pushing his hands away. In fact, Wilson held tight, using what little strength he had to keep House in place.
No, Wilson was steadying him. House didnât have his cane, so Wilson was his only form of support. Pushing him away would likely mean unbalancing him, which would lead to him falling over and potentially hurting himself. By the way Wilson was leaning against his desk, this extended to keeping himself on his feet, though it was clear that his shaking knees were desperate to buckle in an attempt to get away.
Only Wilson would put himself through this sort of torture for Houseâs benefit. There was a certain part of House that warmed at the realization, though heâd never admit it.
He could feel the prickling gaze of his friend as his hands slowed, and House wasnât interested in hearing any of his psychoanalysis, so he decided to step things up a notch.
House rubbed his knuckles into Wilsonâs ribs, light enough not to hurt, but firm enough to tickle like hell. It worked wonders, if Wilsonâs sudden bark of laughter was anything to go by.
âAre you having fun?â House laughed as Wilson frantically shook his head, âI donât know, you certainly donât seem intent on letting me go any time soon.â He tugged on his arms demonstratively, vindicated when Wilsonâs grip only tightened.
Wilson tried to get something out, but each attempt was drowned out by bubbling laughter, his beaming lips struggling to form a coherent sentence. The red on his face burned even brighter, and House lightened up just a little bit to let him get some words out.
âYohohouâ you asshole,â He got out through panting breaths. House gave him a warning pinch to the side. âNo wait Iâm sorry!â
House continued poking and prodding as he spoke, âNow, what were you saying about taking my clinic hours?â
âIââ
Before Wilson could even start his sentence, the door to the office swung open, and Chase walked in with a file in his hands. âHouse, it looks like our patient needs an angioââ And then he looked up, and whatever he was saying died in his throat.
âWhat does the patient need, Chase? Iâm all ears.â House put on his most innocent nothingâs going on here, no need to worry face. Which, given that Wilson was folded nearly in half, giggling from Houseâs wriggling fingers, probably wasnât all that effective.
âUhâŠâ Chase gaped for a moment, eyes darting from Wilson, to House, and back to Wilson again. Maybe because Wilson was desperately mouthing help over and over again, but House was going to pretend not to see that for his friendâs sake. His doe-like eyes may be persuasive, but House has put a lot of effort into instilling the fear of him into his ducklings. âIt can wait for a bit. Try not to kill him.â
Perfect.
Just before Chase closed the door behind him, he glanced back sympathetically. âGood luck, Wilson.â And then he was gone.
Of course, that just meant that Wilson turned his eyes up to House. âCome on, we both have work to do. Canât you just let me go?â The pleading note in his voice almost convinced House. ButâŠ
âYou planning on taking my clinic hours?â
Wilson steadied himself, taking in a deep breath before saying, âYou can take your clinic hours, and you can shove them up your assâWait! Nonono House! Dohohonât!â
House kneaded into Wilsonâs stomach, the secret weapon heâd been keeping in his back pocket, and Wilson fell into hysterics once more.
From outside the office, Chase grimaced as he heard cackling laughter pick up once more, subconsciously bringing his elbows closer to his sides. He felt for Wilson, he really did. House didnât exactly seem like the type to show mercy.
Ten minutes, he thought while walking away, if I donât see House in ten minutes, Iâll come back and rescue Wilson.
Just then, a piercing shriek echoed and Chase startled, picking up his pace, just a bit.
Awwwww, what's wrong? All tickled out? Too weak to struggle? Slowly beginning to accept your fate? Don't worry, I can help! I'll wrap my hands around your poor little hipbones, position my thumbs juuuuust right, and shock the life back into you with a few good squeezes. And then a few more. And then a LOT more. đ
See? You DO still have a little fight left in you! You're welcome! đ
telling her âyouâre doing such a good jobâ when sheâs explaining something mundane, just to watch her completely lose her train of thought
casually saying âthatâs my girlâ when she hands me something, then pretending not to notice how flustered she gets.
correcting something she mightâve done improperly and following it with âgood, see? you listen so wellâ like itâs the most normal thing in the world.
praising her for something small âyou rememberedâ or âyouâre so thoughtfulâ and enjoying how she suddenly canât make eye contact.
leaning in while sheâs busy mid task and whispering âyouâre so cute when you focusâ then watching her forget what she was supposed to do.
saying âthere you goâ after she does exactly what I asked, even if it was just sitting closer or following any order.
telling her âyouâre doing such a good jobâ when sheâs explaining something mundane, just to watch her completely lose her train of thought
casually saying âthatâs my girlâ when she hands me something, then pretending not to notice how flustered she gets.
correcting something she mightâve done improperly and following it with âgood, see? you listen so wellâ like itâs the most normal thing in the world.
praising her for something small âyou rememberedâ or âyouâre so thoughtfulâ and enjoying how she suddenly canât make eye contact.
leaning in while sheâs busy mid task and whispering âyouâre so cute when you focusâ then watching her forget what she was supposed to do.
saying âthere you goâ after she does exactly what I asked, even if it was just sitting closer or following any order.
*(they/she/he), please donât call me âcute,â âadorable,â or anything similar, please donât use any words to describe my feet and toes other than âfeetâ and âtoes,â and obviously donât save or repost as your own because thatâs rude
Ler things and their teases that drive me NUTS!!!! Pt1
- Anything âTickle monsterâ (like do I need to elaborate further? đ I donât think so)
- âIâm gonna get youuu â âIâm going to tickle youuuuâ takes the cake and especially if itâs in that singsong tone (you guys know what Iâm talking about đ)
- (This one is similar to the second one) but when theyâre wiggling their fingers over a spot and say âitâs coming for youâ (referring to their fingers and the tickles) but also saying it in that singsong tone
- COUNTING DOWN đ but then when theyâre closer to 1 they just stall making you think theyâre going to start but they donât until you least expect it đ«
- Making you admit things while theyâre tickling you
- When they say âIâm sorry I canât hear you or âI canât understand youâ when youâre trying to speak through your laughter while theyâre tickling you đ
- Tickle interrogations about things you canât possibly know and punishing you for getting the answers wrong
- Tickling super fast and alternating between different spots while saying âare you ticklish here?â âHow about here?â âOr here?â đđ
- âYouâre in big trouble now đâ
- Questioning how much it tickles you when they know it really does. âThis canât possibly tickle that muchâ âI think youâre lying so Iâll just stay hereâ even though youâre laughing your head off đ
- âNobody is coming to save youâ đ
- âYouâre stuck with me foreverâ
- âTickle tickle tickleeeeâ
- âYouâre all mineâ or â _____ *spot* is all mineâ (STOPPPP I CANT HANDLE THIS ONE đ)
- Tickling you but pretending they have no clue why youâre laughing so much so theyâll say âwhat?â âIâm not even doing anything, why are you laughing so much?â
- (Idk how anyone else feels about this one) but the nonchalant look when theyâre tickling. As if your squeals and laughter and pleads and screams donât affect them in any way they just look at you but never acknowledging it they just tickle you like crazy knowing how badly theyâre getting you đ (that one) or when theyâre just smiling and laughing with you throughout the tickling
- âSorryâ wonât save youâ
- âIâm going to tickle you until you ____â
- âWhere do you think youâre going?â with that âđâ smirk
- ^ When theyâre tickling and you just keep rolling or squirming away and they keep pulling you back to them everytime đ
While this isnât new information, I figured it would be nice to compile it all neatly together. Â
Of course there are many other places you can place the pillow so that the body nicely stretches over it. But here are the main ones.Â
Under the shoulders and upper back - this underrated pillow position is borderline evil. It has so many good uses. It stretches the armpits, opens up the neck, and pushes up the breasts. Soooo evilâŠ.
Under the back ribs - this one is very popular and obvious.
Under the front ribs - But what isnât as popularly known is to put the pillow under the ribs when the person is face down. Those back ribs are so delicate and can really be sensitive on some people and this is a great way to find outâŠ. Just how much.Â
Under the hips - Again an obvious spot but⊠seldom used. Pro tip : use a towel.Â
Flipped under the hips - this positioning also applies when the person is face down đ
Under the ankles - An absolutely great way to ensure the feet have less wiggle room and that they canât use the bed to lie their feet flat on.Â