Okay so first we need to know stuff about planes. Specifically: How fast do they go?
Your typical commercial plane take off at about 160-180 mph, and land at approximately 150-165 mph. However, in the air, they usually cruise around 550-580 mph.
For comparison: The fastest tornado ever recorded was the F5 1999 Bridge Creek–Moore tornado, taking place on May 3rd, 1999. It was measured to be 302 mph (alternatively, 486 km/h).
So what would 550-580 miles per hours feel like? Would you survive?
Thankfully, someone’s already done it this in real life. And lived to tell the tale!
A man named Felix Baumgartner or “Fearless Felix” once broke the sound barrier with his own body in 2012, reaching 843.6 mph by jumping from a capsule held afloat by a giant helium balloon. He survived by wearing a pressurized suit, which protected him from the deadly speeds as he spun down to Earth during the span of 9 minutes, in free fall for 4 of those minutes.
Felix described the experience as “an incredible up and down” but also “really brutal at times”. He claims he didn’t actually get to enjoy the sonic boom, as he was too busy trying to stabilize himself and stop spinning. He also describes the forces of gravity causing him to lose consciousness at times.
Nevertheless, this proves my point! Sure, you would experience incredible pressure on your body, and probably fall unconscious a few times, but with a pressurized suit and a secure spot you could ride on top a plane!
So, in other words, my weekend’s going to be booked...
Q: How Many Mosquitoes Does It Take To Kill A Human Being?
(Based on episode 45 of The Magnus Archives Podcast: Blood Bag)
The adult human body contains 4.5 to 5.5 liters of blood. Losing half of the blood in your body is a death sentence and pretty much unrecoverable. So about 2.25 to 2.75 liters a person. Â
Now, mosquitoes drink about 0.000005 liters of blood each. Taking these numbers into account, we can come up with the following equation to calculate how many mosquitoes would be needed to suck the blood from an adult human body:
(Mosquitoes) x 0.000005 = 2.25 to 2.75
That would leave us with a minimum to maximum mosquito amount: 450,000 to 550,000
An average of 500,000 mosquitoes would be enough to kill your average healthy adult human. Â
"But wait!" I hear you cry after overcoming the horrible vision of that many mosquitoes descending upon some poor helpless soul, "There's no way that many mosquitoes can fit on someone! Magnus episode 45: Blood Bag is theoretically impossible. "
And to that I say "Yeah, actually. I hadn't thought about that. Damn,"
Let's discuss how much space these mosquitoes take up, to see just how impossible this situation is.
For the sake of simplicity, we're going to be using measurements from your average forest mosquito/(Asian) tiger mosquito (Aedes Albopictus), which are an invasive species in Europe due to transportation of goods and most likely the tested species of mosquitoes in the Magnus Archive episode. They are about 2 to 10 mm length, depending on environmental factors, which is a fucking bonkers range and makes these calculations much harder. We're going to stay in the highs (4-10 mm) because 1. The non-bloodsucking male mosquitoes are 20% smaller, and we're purely focusing on females. 2. Environmental factors play a big role into size, and these mosquitoes were living in luxury at the lab with optimal conditions and regular feedings.
So that leaves us with this equation:
(Mosquitoes) x 4 to 10 square mm = total area taken up by mosquitoes
So if we have 500,000 mosquitoes, that would be a minimum to maximum of...
2,000,000 to 5,000,000 square mm. 2,000 to 5,000 meters
In comparison, the average human being has about 2 square meters of skin.
And this doesn’t even take into account the air between the mosquitoes and the expanding of the mosquitoes' abdomens after drinking blood.
Can we possibly have the mosquitoes drink more than average? What happens if they drink more than the 0.000005 liters listed? Could we reduce the number of mosquitoes needed?
Over 50 years ago, Robert Gwadz discovered that by making an incision in the central nerve cord of a mosquito, you could cut off the nerve signal that makes mosquitoes stop drinking blood. By undergoing this procedure, the mosquitoes can drink four times their own body weight!
Unfortunately, this also makes their abdomen pop, subsequently killing the mosquito...
So how can this still be possible?
I present my theory: The Mosquitoes On Stacks System. MOSS, for short.
MOSS goes like this: A layer of mosquitoes covers the person and starts drinking. While they are drinking, another layer lands on the first layer and starts sucking from the first layer of mosquitoes' abdomens. And then another layer. And then another. And then another. Until all mosquitoes have drunken their fill.
…. Unfortunately, mosquitoes have never been known to drink from each other. Also, when mosquitoes drink from other insects, it can often times be lethal, as insects are typically much smaller from mosquito’s usual victims: mammals
Also, I’ve just realized that it’s incredibly unlikely that the scientists had anything even close to the 500,000 mosquitoes needed.
Well, fine! Whatever! It was a cool idea, I guess!
You know what? Fuck it! They’re magical mosquitoes! Supernatural mosquitoes that are bigger and more violent and can suck blood more! Yup, just like the worms, they are faster and hungrier and they don’t care about physical limitations given by theoretical science.
Look, kids. The Magnus Archives is a tragedy, but it’s also unrealistic. It has people stealing each other’s bones and still moving around while being devoured by worms and weird eye people that cause apocalypses. It’s a show based on a theme of supernatural horror, and it was made for three purposes: 1. To be scary 2. To tell an emotionally moving story 3. To teach the listeners about understanding fear.
So the mosquitoes? They don’t have to make sense and be put up against scientific tests and equations. Blood Bag was a scary story, and it was written well, and it helped further the plot and was an interesting concept. Â
I enjoyed that episode, and so I wanted to investigate further. But I wasn’t investigating in order to criticize the writing. I was investigating because it was a fun concept and I wanted to explore the connotations of murderous mosquitoes. I love using theoretical science to answer the most bat shit crazy questions, it gave me a fun project to work on during an emotionally taxing quarantine.
So, the moral of the story?
The real murderous mosquitoes were the friends we made along the way.
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