Patreon is Live!!
https://www.patreon.com/toadwarts?fan_landing=true
Come check it out and support me with some awesome benefits if you can!
The Stonewall Inn
One Nice Bug Per Day

roma★

pixel skylines

bliss lane
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Claire Keane
🪼
No title available
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
Show & Tell

Jimmy Eat World
𓃗

Origami Around
Fieri Frames
EXPECTATIONS
No title available

shark vs the universe

if i look back, i am lost
No title available
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Spain

seen from Netherlands

seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Türkiye
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Indonesia
seen from United States

seen from France
seen from Mexico
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
@toohardtotalkabout
Patreon is Live!!
https://www.patreon.com/toadwarts?fan_landing=true
Come check it out and support me with some awesome benefits if you can!
Hey y'all! Just wanted to let you know that I am leaving this blog and have relocated to @honeyandbloodpoetry I just wanted a new and different feeling space. I also discovered I am not genderfluid, but a trans man lol. Thanks for all the support over here!
So, I hate to do this but. In addition to the 700 in repairs for our car, there was 353 more, and when we got it back from the stop it was still rattling, not turning, overheating, barely able to drive. We're trying to get a new car but this car has eaten up almost all our savings and we're in a rough spot. There aren't any bus routes that take us to work where we live and ubering to work is something we can't really afford long-term either (it'sabout 25 a day for my job and 45 for his job, when we'dnormally pay 40 for gas in a week), but we really need to get to our jobs. Thankfully we are able to borrow a car right now and hopefully have a basic plan for getting that new car, but some extra help would be super awesome. My partner and I both struggle with mental and physical disabilities and already work our butts off, and this has sent us into a pretty stressful situation.
If you have ever enjoyed my writing, doodles, or anything, please consider donating or buying a ten dollar sketch commission. I may even do writing commissions, but those are more expensive. I just launched a Patreon but I realize not everyone wants that commitment lol. I hate asking this but we're in a really tight place and I could just really use the help for this emergency. Thank you for all of your support of me, and for all your kindness thus far. You guys and your support mean the world and I truly appreciate it!
Become a supporter of ToadWarts today! ❤️ Ko-fi lets you support the creators you love with no fees on donations.
Writer preview: @chicatenders
“Blues, greens, oranges, pinks. It’s a sea of color and a world of laughter. The happiness of children is no stranger to me. The sound of arcade games, the scent of fresh pizza, the warmth of birthday candles–it is my heart, and she is my home.
But where is she?
The ocean is roaring, the waves pounding.
There is something heavy on my box, and I cannot move. I cannot find her.
XXX The rain mats my hair. I look up, expectantly, at one I would trust with my life. A yellow rabbit, a walking cartoon, a godfather in all but name. He smiles down at me. ‘Would you like to play a game, Charlie?’” ———————————————————————————————————– Toad’s FULL writing piece (and more!) will be available in the Happiest Day Zine, downloadable for FREE on August 14th! You can also visit our 100% non-profit merchandise store, which is LIVE NOW at happiestdayzine.bigcartel.com! Pick up some cute FNaF themed charms, pins, or stickers to support the Trans Women of Color Collective, and stay tuned for more merchandise, art and writing previews, and the full zine on August 14th!
Genderfluid
I feel like a man.
I feel like a woman.
I feel like neither man or woman.
I feel like both a man and a woman at once.
I feel like something else entirely.
I feel like a masculine woman.
I feel like a pretty boy.
I feel adjacent to being a man.
I feel comfortable with being, but not quite, a woman.
I feel all these things,
Drifting lazily like clouds through the sky
As I go.
XXX
Sometimes I like my breasts,
Other times I wish to bind.
Sometimes I wish I had a penis,
Sometimes I wish I had nothing.
Sometimes ma'am makes my physically ill,
And sometimes sir makes me literally squeal.
Sometimes I am dysphoric,
Sometimes I am just alright.
Generally though,
I feel masculine,
But would like to be percieved
As nothing at all.
XXX
Identity is a complicated thing,
But my fluidity is beautiful.
I am a streak of sunlight
That you can never pin down,
A pool of moon
That you can never drink from.
For so long I have struggles to pin myself down,
And now?
I know who I am,
And that it is everything and nothing at all.
I exist outside and inside and beyond the binary,
Beyond myself,
Beyond the box.
My fluidity is running water,
And my cup runneth over
With the wonders of me.
I love who I am.
The Binder
The first time I put a binder on, a little under a week ago, I felt euphoric. Ever since I hit puberty very early on, I felt uncomfortable with my breasts. They never felt right on me, and even though I’ve come to love them sometimes, they still don’t always feel like they match up. I hated how people always looked at them, pointed out how much they showed in low cut shirts when I never even noticed they were--or even wanted them to. They were just there. I like the way low cut shirts feel and look on me, I can’t help these giant sacks of flesh that sit on my chest.
Except...now I can! I ran my hands over my smooth chest, feeling bright. I looked into the mirror, and felt something warm wash over me. I put on my new masculine clothes, letting my partner clip on my new suspenders. I realized that I was shaking as I looked at myself again… I looked like a boy. I felt like a boy. And I liked it. I wanted it. Admitting that to myself was like coming home.
I remember being in sixth grade, walking around the track for my civil air patrol class. I had been slotted in with the rest of the girls, the boys walking ahead of us. I remember feeling uncomfortable being shoved in with only girls, and looking at the gaggle of boys ahead. The exact thought that whispered in my brain was “I wish I was a boy. I want to be like them, with them.” I never forgot that moment, and how strange it made me feel.
I remember sitting on my bed, crying with my best friend kneeling in front of me. I remember telling her how I didn’t like feeling like a woman all the time. That I wished I could be a black shadow, monstrous, androdynous. Specifically like Venom. She took my hand, did my makeup all in black and helped me pick out the perfect black outfit to achieve that dark, gothic look. I was so incredibly happy and validated.
I remember going into an Adam and Eve for laugh, not expecting much since I am an asexual with a low libido. I remember seeing packers and feeling my chest tighten. I never liked my genitalia--I had wished for a cloaca or something akin to that, but since that was biologically impossible for a human… I sometimes wished I had the opposite of a vagina. I frequently imagined what it would be like to have a penis. I took the box up to the counter to ask some questions, my dress swishing as I went. The cashier told me it was for trans people only, and a girl like me couldn’t have it. She didn’t know what asexuality was, and had tried polyamory once but decided it was bad when her girlfriend kissed her boyfriend. I was upset, disheartened, and left the store empty handed.
I remember finally cutting the long, curly locks that had frustrated and imprisoned me for so long. Seeing all of my hair fall to floor, staring into the mirror as the barber buzzed the back of my head… It made me want to cry tears of joy. It was the first time in my entire life that I had looked at my hair and was happy. Then I remember wanting to go shorter, and my barber encouraging me to keep it a little longer so I didn’t look manly, so I could still be soft and feminine. The way my stomach dropped and the sick feeling in my chest only increased when he began to make fun of the gay men who came down the street near his favorite restaurant. I never saw that barber again. I instead found a nice local place down the road from my apartment, where the kind lady cut it all off without question, other than “Why?” and accepted my warm “It makes me happy. It makes me feel beautiful.”
But wearing that binder for the first time? It was as if a beam of light had funneled its way directly into my heart. I felt like a handsome man, with just a little bit of striking man boob, and it felt so right. My partner called me a dashing boy and my heart began to race. I still feel his hand tracing my jawline as he called me handsome, and the butterflies it sent up through my belly, even after more than eleven years.
I love my partner--he identifies as agender and primarily masculine, and has been on the lookout for a good pair of size thirteen shoes to wear with a dress. They also wear joggers and flip flops and graphic tees and can’t seem to stop talking about the ocean and outer space. They’re probably one of my biggest inspirations for finding myself, and being authentically me.
I’m not super sure who or what I am right now. I’m still figuring that out, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere between agender and genderfluid. I feel like me more than anything else, but all pronouns make me feel good. I feel like all of them and none of them at once, but I swing between wanting to be feminine and masculine pretty strongly, though I enjoy being masculine most of all--even when I’m wearing dresses and pink. I feel like a beautiful person in a dress or a button down, no matter what gender I feel like today or tomorrow.
I am me. And I am one dashing boy, and one beautiful girl.
In Cold Blood - A Short Fairytale
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
Her oaken skin was as cold as frost, her eyes dark pools of silt and sorrow, and her bowed lips always downturned as if contemplating a secret grief. It was rumored a clear glimpse of her could be seen in clearings of the forest ringing the edge of town, her earthly flesh iridescent as she bathed in warm pools of sun or cool beams of moon. She was as free as the night, lips blue with the blood of the stars she plucked from the open sky, fingernails dull and dark with the meat of the earth.
The townspeople whispered that she was a witch–that she had sold her soul to a devil, that she walked naked and unashamed with the wild things, that she wore the shame of humanity like a warm cloak and rejected the melody of the divine.
Children dared each other to steal into the trees, sneak into her cabin, and return with a lock of hair from her wooden comb that would grant them any one wish. Men dared each other to hunt her down and bring her skin as an offering to their sovereign, proof that magic was still left in the land. Women whispered of the scandal of a woman living in the filth of the forest alone–that there was no magical witch, just a woman gone mad and haunted.
The rumors and stories wound themselves about the town like silkworm string on a spinning wheel, the fear of the village witch dipping in and out of their hearts like a working needle. They could see pieces of her at the edge of the woods sometimes–dark eyes, a white serpent, singing toads or a slice of black moon. Watching but never doing, as untouchable as true love and unknown as death, always at the brink of their vision.
And then one day, she wept.
Her cries echoed across the treetops, poured into the town like rotten honey. The day prior, a hunter had ventured into the forest and returned with a sack of snakeskin–the spoils of a rattlesnake den. The guarding mother had been easily dispatched and the hatchlings beheaded and pulled apart until nothing but spindly bones and maggot ridden meat remained in their dusty old hole in the ground.
“They’re her familiars!” The townspeople cried, and children cowered in fear. Even the old village women, having long grown tired of the folktales and jealous of the witch’s supposed otherworldly beauty, began to grow restless. The witch had always existed at the cusp of their lives, nothing more than fleeting glances and nighttime warnings. A beautiful, ugly, wild bedtime story.
Not anymore, not after the huntsman.
The witch’s cries rung heavy for three days, the townspeople weeping with the reflection of her pain, their hands shaking with the echo of her insurmountable grief. Finally, the hunter wrung his hands and wiped his tears, saying, “Well, I think it’s about time this nonsense stops. Who would cry for nothing but a den of venomous adders? Only a witch would feel such a drive for the serpent, and I will not let her darkness cast a shadow over our good town any longer!”
And so the man did what he did best–he hunted.
He followed the sound of her sadness through the trees, finding her in a clearing where she seemed to melt and dance between the sunbeams as she wept. The hunter was enchanted by her beauty–the soft slopes of her flesh, the tangled curtain of her hair, the starlight glimmer of tears cascading down her cheeks and beading on her ever blue lips. Even her despair, thick and alive, was like something from an old poem. Something spiritual.
She straightened, turning to meet him with broken eyes. “They were my friends,” she whispered, and it was the sound of breaking glass.
“They were but serpents,” he said. “Do you be the witch?”
“I am not a witch,” She said. “I am merely home.”
“Lying woman.” He smiled, all teeth. She was beautiful, even for a devil. He took a step forward.
“You are stronger than me.” Her voice was little more than a breath. “But if you hurt me, I will call on my friends. I have done nothing to hurt you, while you have taken everything from me. Even now, after all you have done, I will let you walk away.”
Her skin was the color of oak and earth, but colder than the coldest winter when he grabbed her wrist.
“Please.” She begged. “Do not hurt me. Tell me what I have done?”
He removed her shawl.
“Please.” She begged. “Do not hurt me. Tell me what I have done?”
He removed her dress.
“Please.” She begged. “Do not hurt me. Tell me what I have done?”
He removed her knickers and chest bindings, his fingers gliding and then digging deep into soft flesh. Lustful wrath overtook him, and the image of the skinned rattlesnake hatchlings danced across his vision as he pressed his lips to her living skin, the thrum of her fear singing to him. He thought of winter blood and leftover guts and prestige, the honor that would follow him as the conqueror of the forest, the land’s greatest huntsman–once he returned home with a tamed, deflowered forest witch as his wife.
“I warned you.” She smiled sadly, and her eyes seemed to glow as blue as her lips then, the blood of stars flooding them with the coldness of space, an icy intensity the hunter could never hope to understand. The forest seemed to bend with a new weight, going inward until the huntsman could not breathe. In the absence of the girl’s weeping, a choir of hissing, croaking, slithering life began to encircle the twisted pair.
The air was red with threads of fate.
“You are a witch!” The hunter cried, eyes searching frantically in the shadows for the encroaching enemy and pulling the trembling girl closer to him in his desperation. “Stop this!”
“You kill what is different than you without asking yourself why it angers you so. You are greedy and take what you want without consequence only because you can. You speak cruelty because you have never allowed yourself kindness. You fear the free because you are doomed to be caged by shackles of your own design. You refuse to see the beauty of the whole because you cannot escape the ugliness of your soul.”
The forest was upon him. Adders and vipers and serpents and all manner of cold, night dwelling things covered the hunter from head to toe–all teeth and claws and venom and ice. He screamed and writhed beneath the girl, begging the witch for mercy. Crocodilians tore at his meat and venom flooded his veins, and all the ugly things of the world dismantled every inch of his carefully constructed human beauty and ignorance.
“I am no witch,” the girl whispered, his snake-hide gloves heavy in her hands. “I am but a friend to the cold blooded, the forgotten and the other. I am but a girl in her home.”
She turned from him, the gloves cradled to her bare chest, close to her heart. She seemed to melt into the fading sun, becoming long as the milky way and as bright as hope. She bent herself to the ground and joined her kin, the cold blooded other, hissing out a prayer of farewell for a broken man.
They headed back for the stars nestled in the trees, their homes that lie in the gaps between what the normal knew and forgot. The always sat at the cusp, unable to melt back into a world that had forgotten them, but always ready to help them understand. To be different–warm and cold–together. To be a part of that whole, a complete puzzle of correspondence and unity.
That day could not be today.
The girl let her heart bleed and prayed deeply for the world, for the lost, for the broken and damned all the same.
She was simply a girl at home. And no matter what the town whispered, it’s where she would stay.
They said
My hair was the only beautiful thing about me.
They said
My breasts were the only redeeming feature of my body.
My teeth gnash.
This is not how it should be.
This is not who I am blood vessels burst beneath my skin,
And tigers roar behind my eyes,
Demanding justice for my sense of self.
And so I cut it,
And so I bind them.
And so I wear flowing dresses
And baggy cargo pants.
And so I paint my face
And curl my lip.
I am me,
And whatever that entails.
I adopt she/they/he
And I set myself free.
A thousand flowers bloom between my ribs
And push their way out through my mouth,
Beautiful honeysuckle
That beckon you to take me in
With every one of your senses.
I am a haunted house with a darling garden out front,
A crypt without a key,
Secrets hidden in the walls.
Oh, how I revel in what it is to be me.
I am unconstrained by gender
Or clothes
Or whatever people think of me.
Because I'm a beautiful woman,
A dashing man,
And a wonderful person.
And they will never take that away from me.
Fredbear's Family Diner had a bit of a partnership with the church down the road. Every Sunday after church, you could bring your bible and get a free drink with your meal. It encouraged people to go to church and to come visit a family friendly establishment. Fun and all-American right?
Michael was never a big fan of Sunday School though, especially after his daddy found him kissing a boy behind the church's playground slide.
Mr. William Afton--charitable and charismatic with an award winning smile, owner of Fredbear's Family Diner and frequent volunteer at Hurricane Baptist Church--just had one more reason to beat his son. One more reason to get drunk and spit out a song that was somewhere between bible verses and blasphemy. Not against God of course, but his own family. His own blood, spattered across the floor and dripping from his son's mouth.
Michael's mother would hold him close and whisper empty apologies into his ears late into the night, sweet Mr. Emily would slip him an extra slice of cardboard-consistency pizza for lunch, his sister Elizabeth would invite him to tea parties to cheer up, and his brother Evan... Well, Evan was scared of him. Michael regretted that. He was just so angry all of the time, and his father's words pushed him right over the edge. Evan had his father's bright blue eyes too, which was unfortunate to say the least.
So when the...birthday incident happened, Michael felt like God was right behind him, witnessing. It didn't matter that it was a mistake, a truly horrible and horrific mistake, or that his own father beat him bloody almost every single night. It didn't matter that Michael hated himself in that moment, wanting nothing more than salvation. God hated him.
And God was watching. Or at least, William Afton was.
Safe At Last
Two humans in love manage to escape from an abusive home and right into the twisted world of Mother Miranda’s village. After fleeing from mutated monsters, they meet with The Duke, who offers them board and food in exchange for their work. It is their first night in his caravan, and they discover that they may have another person to add to their romance…
Fluffy and flirtatious, this is a self indulgent and simple fic about The Duke and polyamory. It is written first person, but made so you can also insert yourself into the narrative if you so please.
Read on A03 or Fanfiction! Or you can read here, below the Read More!
Keep reading
Sweet little doll,
Alone in your room.
Who will you turn to,
What will you do?
Look away from the sun,
Sing to the moon.
Your body is aching
With cracks and with stains,
You are a poor dollie,
Who was just thrown away.
Now you have nobody and nowhere to go,
You stare out your window,
You're all alone.
Sweet little doll,
Alone in your room.
Who will you turn to,
What will you do?
Look away from the sun,
Sing to the moon.
Everyone that you ever loved is dead.
There's shadows on your brow,
There's worms in your head.
The yard is all withered,
There's bones in the dirt.
Your body is old now,
All your heart knows is hurt.
Sweet little doll,
Alone in your room.
Who will you turn to,
What will you do?
Look away from the sun,
Sing to the moon.
My sweet little dollie,
Come take your life.
I'll hand you a gun,
I'll hand you a knife.
I'll give you a poison,
I'll bid you adieu.
'Cause what use is a dollie,
As used up as you?
Xxx
The man in the tophat,
He swivels and stares,
He looks a little scary
But I know that he cares.
He towers high above,
So he leans down low.
He tips his hat,
And a smile shows.
You are not a dollie,
He says, real kind.
You are a human,
So cunning and fine.
You are just a person
Who has been through too much.
And I know you feel like
It's been quite enough.
But look at your window,
And truly see...
The moon is not alone,
As it hangs above the trees.
There's stars and there's bats
And there's plenty clouds above.
And even when you're home alone,
You're always loved.
There's honey in your lashes
And there's a song in your smile,
There's a hope to your sadness,
There's a flounce in your step.
So why not stay awhile,
And see what happens next?
So take this hug,
And take my hands,
Take my love,
And I'll help you stand.
You're a precious human
And it'll be okay.
Your life is just beginning
And I beg you to stay.
You don't have to turn to the sun,
You can just sit with the moon.
But open the window up,
And let your friends come in too.
You don't need to be useful,
You just need to be you.
Xxx
I am a simple human.
I am that little girl.
I take myself in gently,
I drop away from the world.
I don't know who I am,
Or what I want,
Or how to listen,
Or how to go on...
But I do.
Depersonalization
Was I ever truly me?
Or am I just a figment of someone else's imagination?
A twisted little story I have detached completely from,
Entertainment that just went too far?
I feel like I don't belong in this body,
In this world,
In this life.
I feel startled when I realize I haven't looked anyone in the face for weeks.
My skin crawls and melts
When I look in the mirror.
Am I real?
Are you?
I feel inches away from you
even when you're holding me.
I feel hours behind
Even as you reassure me.
I feel centuries lost,
Even when I'm using all my coping mechanisms.
I am completely detached,
Brain full of static
And mouth stuffed with empty cocoons.
I crouch over the side of the bathtub,
My hands floating there like two little corpses,
Bloated and weightless.
Maybe someone is calling for me,
But all I hear is knocking on a door,
Down below the water
And I feel I must dive deep to answer it.
I remember not having any friends as a child
And always being by myself.
Oh, how I loved to play pretend.
I made up all my friends,
Colorful caricatures dancing along my headspace.
When everything was so traumatic,
It was
Fun
To run away.
I can't remember so much,
And I feel so disconnected from my youth.
Sometimes
I wonder...
Is the real me tucked away somewhere safe?
Am I just a figment while she hides
Or sleeps
Or locks herself away?
Will I one day disappear,
And will someone feel right in this body
But struggle to remember?
I have more personality now,
I'm told.
And yet,
All of it seems fake
From the world to myself.
I am scared.
Tw for suicide and self harm
The needle is dull
And it takes effort to split open my flesh.
With enough force,
I am rewarded with bright red beads
And white hot pain.
I cry harder,
Heave until I can barely breathe,
And do it over and over and over again
Until my sobs finally go silent.
The blood run downs my thigh
And I stop the thumbtack to the floor.
Distantly, I wonder if it will be healed enough
By the next time I want to go swimming.
I stare blankly at the wall,
Feeling nothing and everything all at the same time.
My leg hasn't been this carved up for years.
Not since the old house.
I suddenly wish I could go back there, then.
To the filth and rot,
And sit among it, where I belong.
I imagine setting fire to it all,
And burning alongside it.
I want to die.
The desire is coiled tight around my heart,
Making my limbs weak.
I have tried so hard,
And yet the heaviness only grows.
I feel I have spent hours working,
And yet I've not moved an inch.
I want to die.
I curse my parents for creating me,
Bringing me into this horrible reality
Full of disappointment and tragedy
That I never asked for.
I curse myself for failing over and over again
For the inability to be gentle and kind
And whole.
I curse those few around me for loving me,
Trapping me here
Where I can't go free.
I stare down at the blood, ugly and crusting on the fresh cuts.
I wish I could rip them open further,
Pull off my own skin,
Disembowel myself
And die.
I hate this.
Looking down, I feel disgusting
And yet there is no escape.
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide.
So I sit.
And stare blankly.
And lock my door
And wait for the shower to stop running.
One day I will die.
Suicide tw!!!
Maggots slip into the red spaces in my skin
and burrow down into my brain
"Kill yourself,"
They whisper and writhe.
"You're a little burden girl,
And you mean nothing to the world."
I twist in my sheets and cry til I can't,
I scratch myself bloody,
Cough til I'm raw,
Then I lay very still
And I stare at the wall.
I'm 24 years old
And I'm useless as shit.
I've got a misfired brain
And I walk with a limp.
I'm disabled and useless
A burden to all,
Don't think before I act
And I ruin it all.
"Kill yourself, kill yourself,"
The maggots start to sing.
"If you kill yourself everyone will be happy again.
You'll never have a crisis or fuck up so bad,
You'll just rot in the dirt
And everyone will be glad."
I know that I'm loved,
I just don't know why.
I'm an idiot, a burden,
A waste of space
A black cloud in the sky.
I think everyone would be better
If I just up and left
Maybe they'd cry for just a minute
But soon they'd forget.
"Kill yourself, kill yourself,
So you'll never hurt again."
I wonder if I should kill myself,
And let the peace begin?
No matter what I have,
It's never enough.
And I never deserve
A single thing I have.
When I spoil myself I'm rotten,
But when I go without I'm a prude.
I want to get things for myself
For someone else
Without a painful gnawing at the back of my skull.
I want to feel like I have worked hard enough to earn rest
That I have enough saved to earn peace
That I am deserving enough
To find something and love it so deeply
And physically
And truly.
I want to feel worth it
And like the world isn't crumbling down
And it's all my fault.
I just want to feel
Like it's going to be okay
And go a single day
Without frothing at the mouth with anxiety
And shame.
Please.
Just make it stop.
And let me rest.
Sweet little doll,
Alone in your room.
Who will you turn to,
What will you do?
Look away from the sun,
Sing to the moon.
Your body is aching
With cracks and with stains,
You are a poor dollie,
Who was just thrown away.
Now you have nobody and nowhere to go,
You stare out your window,
You're all alone.
Sweet little doll,
Alone in your room.
Who will you turn to,
What will you do?
Look away from the sun,
Sing to the moon.
Everyone that you ever loved is dead.
There's shadows on your brow,
There's worms in your head.
The yard is all withered,
There's bones in the dirt.
Your body is old now,
All your heart knows is hurt.
Sweet little doll,
Alone in your room.
Who will you turn to,
What will you do?
Look away from the sun,
Sing to the moon.
My sweet little dollie,
Come take your life.
I'll hand you a gun,
I'll hand you a knife.
I'll give you a poison,
I'll bid you adieu.
'Cause what use is a dollie,
As used up as you?
Xxx
The man in the tophat,
He swivels and stares,
He looks a little scary
But I know that he cares.
He towers high above,
So he leans down low.
He tips his hat,
And a smile shows.
You are not a dollie,
He says, real kind.
You are a human,
So cunning and fine.
You are just a person
Who has been through too much.
And I know you feel like
It's been quite enough.
But look at your window,
And truly see...
The moon is not alone,
As it hangs above the trees.
There's stars and there's bats
And there's plenty clouds above.
And even when you're home alone,
You're always loved.
There's honey in your lashes
And there's a song in your smile,
There's a hope to your sadness,
There's a flounce in your step.
So why not stay awhile,
And see what happens next?
So take this hug,
And take my hands,
Take my love,
And I'll help you stand.
You're a precious human
And it'll be okay.
Your life is just beginning
And I beg you to stay.
You don't have to turn to the sun,
You can just sit with the moon.
But open the window up,
And let your friends come in too.
You don't need to be useful,
You just need to be you.
Xxx
I am a simple human.
I am that little girl.
I take myself in gently,
I drop away from the world.
I don't know who I am,
Or what I want,
Or how to listen,
Or how to go on...
But I do.
If everyone knew what you had done,
Would they hate you just as I have?
Would they fear you as I still do?
Would they be somewhere between embittered and hopeful,
Stuck in a game of tug-of-war
With an already dead tree?
Would they face years of endless nightmares
And flinch at the sound of fireworks
Because they can't help but think
Of your gun?
Or...
Would they agree with you?
Would they smile cruelly and say
"Mother knows best"?
Would they join in
Until my heart is nothing but a gnarled knot of sadness and hatred?
Would they split open my skull
So they could climb inside too?
I always loved butterflies because they remind me of my dad.
I always hated badgers because they remind me of you.
Happy Mother's Day,
And I'm still confused.