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@toointense4words-blog
Her:You just left and forgot all about me
Me:I had to leave you. Things were getting too difficult.
Her: *Follows me
Me:God, please help me out of this
God: I will send someone else to love her, so that you can love the many blessings I gave you.
Her & I: We are now over. Our time has ended. We are happy
God: Thank you for turning to me to find peace
Me: Saying casually-Awe,thank you. I'm feeling the love
Her: Saying seriously- You should,because I love you so much it's scary
Me: Silence. (Should I have said something?)
We will never know what would have happened if I told you that I loved you too.Something great?Something tragic? A little of both? Who knows. But since we are both doing so well now, I believe it was best to remain silent.
You’re not the one I want
But I never want you to leave
I always want you
But you’re not my forever
Look at me the way you did last year
Then look away
Touch me like you did that day
That feeling will last forever
You are not my forever
-CM
#use the poeticstories tag to get your work seen here
Letters to You
Is it over? You walk away so easily now. You don’t look back anymore, and I never did. I miss your attention. Your smile…and the way you looked at me. Only me. I’ve never seen this side of you before. I never thought I would see your colder side. I only hope that it’s all an act. I hope this coldness is a mask. The same mask that I’m wearing.
-CM
#use the poeticstories tag to get your work seen here
This place. It showed me a way. A way that I knew I couldn’t follow, no matter how bad I wanted to. Years later, back at this place, I feel like there was no other path for me, and this scared me. So I invited God to join me. He never showed. I didn’t think He heard me. I thought His absence meant I had His blessing to stay on this path. One day I realized he heard me, but I wasn’t ready for his visit. He joined me at another time, a better time, during a much more needed time and in another place. He saved me. He reminded me that he already showed me the path he planned for me. I turned to Him. And he has rewarded me.
#use the poeticstories tag to get your work seen here
I created this blog to express the millions of emotions and thoughts that ruled my mind for years. I gave my thoughts power over me. I gave them power because I loved them. I enjoyed them. They comforted me. They boosted my ego and made me feel wanted.
I didn't expect them to use the power to destroy me. How can your own thoughts turn against you? I didn’t foresee how they would change my life beyond recognition. My thoughts didn't work alone. Oh, no. They had some help. Once I got older, my thoughts became more real. My thoughts became more like desires, and in time, my desires now seemed achievable. This must be the freedom that adulthood brings? I was curious. This is the curiosity that eventually brought me to my unforgettable moment in the women's bathroom crying out in anguish.
So who was the partner in this crime? Yes, I am calling it a crime because I was robbed. I was robbed of countless beautiful moments many people pray for. The second half to this dynamic duo, were my emotions. Be aware people, your emotions can screw you too! Oh, yes- the two working together was like a beautiful harmony of lies and your personal choice of feel good drugs.
Once they joined forces, I felt something change in me. I felt a craving that needed to be satisfied. It was more than an itch that needed to be scratched. A strong minded person can ignore an itch. I felt my thoughts growing, accumulating size and strength each day. It made it hard to talk, difficult to walk and became too loud to ignore.
I looked in the mirror one day and saw a different person. I changed. Something inside me switched and no one could ever find out about it.
This place. It showed me a way. A way that I knew I couldn't follow, no matter how bad I wanted to. Years later, back at this place, I feel like there was no other path for me, and this scared me. So I invited God to join me. He never showed. I didn’t think He heard me. I thought His absence meant I had His blessing to stay on this path. One day I realized he heard me, but I wasn’t ready for his visit. He joined me at another time, a better time, during a much more needed time and in another place. He saved me. He reminded me that he already showed me the path he planned for me. I turned to Him. And he has rewarded me.
I have no pain now, but the memory of the pain lingers. The pain of the struggle...should I or shouldn't I? Should we or shouldn't we? I’m grateful for the strength that allowed me to walk away from those moments with you...those eyes... that look. My strength still impresses me. I’ve known temptation, but not like this. Resisting you was the highest hurdle and toughest fight... and now, I’m happily living in the reward of my endurance. Weakness would have changed my life forever.
You use big words that I never learned. You've seen more than I can imagine. You have a huge following and I am easily forgotten. You scream beauty and elegance and I’m lucky to whisper a bit of charm. Yet... you look at me. You depended on me. You valued my opinion. You found me in a crowd. Your eyes connected with mine.
You almost had me
You took my days and my nights
You robbed me from my moments with my family as my thoughts were with you
You almost had me
I almost left, but I wouldn't have went to you
We yearned for moments but not a forever
That was years ago
I don’t miss you
I’m so proud of you and of myself
We did good for each other
I enjoy our memories of our almost
why do i miss you?
i think back on the times we shared
the good ones and the bad
the fun times and the sad
a mutual split we thought best
this separation made me whole
i grew, bloomed, and healed my soul
i’m a well-rounded individual
i have matured at my own pace
reached goals without any heartache
until now
why do i miss you?
you were a significant part of me
before we found our own streets
i can see clearly now
we aren’t meant to be,
but i can’t help but think of you
and thank you for all the memories
...couldn't have said it better myself!
I let you go today. I had to. I had no choice. Living in your empty promises was too hard for me anyway. Your promises lifted me to new heights, charged me with an energy like no other. But the wounds from the fall won’t heal and the pain has yet to subside. Your absence will help make myself believe that everything was just a dream. I didn’t loose anything, because it was never real. It was just a dream.
Dear Journal
Day 1-What a difference a year makes. I don’t even know myself anymore.I went from obsessive behavior to a dry abyss. It’s a blessing.I know. I don’t want to go backwards, i have no regrets. I’m just lost now.
You asked me to stay, knowing that you were planning to go. You looked at me in a way that captured my attention forever, I wish I knew you had another person in your sights. My decision to stay was for you. I saw something in us that was never there... and I am left... lost. And you, you haven’t given me a thought.
You’re not the one I want
But I never want you to leave
I always want you
But you’re not my forever
Look at me the way you did last year
Then look away
Touch me like you did that day
That feeling will last forever
You are not my forever
-CM
#use #Poeticstories #toointense4words
Our Spirits Linger
Our time together is over. It has been for sometime now.
Even the building that holds our memories has been abandoned by us. It pleases me to know that the ghost of us and our private moments, linger. I love how the new tenets will never know about us. They will never know how we yearned for each other. They will never have to wonder if their suspicions about us were true.
Our existence has faded away for many, but that building will always hold our secrets.
My time with you was unique and will never be matched.
You changed my life forever. You will always have a place in my heart.
Between Two Worlds
Your love tore me away from my world
My world never pulled away from me
I became obsessed in your world
Yet I couldn’t leave mine
So I walked away
I walked so far that your world became a spec in my universe
-CM
