Too pretty for pants @tooprettyforpants - Tumblr Blog

Ok but @wizardarchetypes introduced me to "Nancy Peolsi needs you to reline the trash can" and FOR SOME GODDAMN REASON this makes the task that would normally vanish in a wisp of executive dysfunction stick around and I have not failed to reline the trash can since.

what the fuck.

shuttershocky-deactivated202512

It has apparently been ten years since the time one of my professors pulled me aside to tell me I had to clean up after making out before going to class because my lipstick was everywhere and I realized "actually my tapdancing group decided we all had to dress like the Joker for our performance" was an infinitely worse explanation so I just said I was sorry

skunkes

actualized-animal

local mourning dove goes viral for show-stopping performance in may 19th dawn chorus. when asked for comment, the rising star simply said “hhhrrroooOOOOO hooooo hoo. hooooo”

actualized-animal

hey. they’re what??

02

hi those are my tags yeah i saw some videos about it, theyre all like “remember this sound? the birds you would always hear in your childhood in the early 2000s? you dont hear it anymore bc these birds went extinct in 2020…. </3” and everyones always commenting like OMG NO THATS SO SAD THIS SOUND IS SO NOSTALGIC!!! like what do you mean i hear them all the time…

anyways heres 3 of them on my porch yesterday

edit: here’s a tiktok claiming they’re extinct, it has 400k views. here’s another with 232k views

actualized-animal

so sad that mourning doves are extinct now. sometimes i can still hear them hoo hoo hooing

songforaname

happyroadkillart

holespoles

Quilt art by Spanish quilter and textile artist Cristina Arcenegui Bono

groupieculture

When summer evenings feel like this gif it’s beautiful and it’s worth it

oliviawebsite

absurdist tboys injecting preposterone

arsonsara

niche tgirls taking their estroteric tablets

toskarin

medieval peasant: I see... so, it is the case that there are many paintings within this magical book? it is not so strange after all.

me, trying to show him tumblr to scare him: I was kind of hoping this would be a bit more confusing to you

peasant, suddenly pointing at the screen: hark! cynocephali

puppy-heifer

xojoules

howdy

hobbular

Concept: the extraterrestrial ship captain approaches Human Steve after months of their service, having uncovered an Earth Artifact at great cost.

“Human Steve, I have procured this recording! The seller told me it was a rare, preserved copy of a ‘pop song’, and I wanted to present it to you as a gift of gratitude.”

Human Steve tears open the package and half smiles, half tears up - it’s one of those single-MP3 players from the late 90s, too scratched up to read the song title. He doesn’t expect it to work, but when he taps the play button, a tinny noise crackles out of the speaker.

His face falls.

“Ha ha, Agrax, very funny.”

The ship captain looks confused. “What do you mean, Human Steve?”

“Of all of the ‘pop songs’, this one? Really? Entirely on coincidence?!”

“Does this particular song have a cultural significance to you, Human Steve?”

“Yeah, it does, Agrax, it’s a–” Human Steve sighs. “You know what, it’s complicated. I’ll explain it some other time. Thanks for the gift.”

As Human Steve shuffles off down the corridor, the ship captain opens up their log and makes a careful note.

Stardate 2074.3 : Achievement accomplished. I have successfully Rickrolled Human Steve.

sandersstudies

Me: Okay guys remember that it’s important in improv to establish your characters at the beginning of the scene.

Students: ok

Student 1: Hello. I am the president of the United States.

Student 2: Hello madame president. I’m William Shakespeare and I’m here to assassinate you.

haroldjaffe

This is the best opening to a scene I've ever heard of

sandersstudies

Here’s how the scene actually went as nearly as I can remember.

Student 1: I’m the president of the United States. How can I help you?

Student 2: I’d like to make a complaint about the Vice President.

Student 1: Okay let me just get out my chalkboard where I tally complaints about the Vice President. Let’s see, that makes five… hundred! What’s your complaint?

Student 2: Well you see, I’m here to assassinate you, but I don’t think that guy should take over when you’re dead.

Student 1: Okay let me make some calls. Beep boop beep boop beep beep beep. Hello? I’m here with— What’s your name?

Student 2: I’m William Shakespeare.

Student 1: I’m here with William Shakespeare and he convinced me we need to replace the Vice President. When? Let me ask. — When were you planning to assassinate me?

Student 2: I mean I was thinking like, as soon as I was done talking to you.

Student 1: Okay sounds good. Yes we need to replace him right now, one moment. Beep beep boop beep. Hello? You’re fired. Bye. Ring, ring. Oh, it’s my assistant again. Hello? What’s that? Oh, they want to know if you’re the same William Shakespeare who wrote Romeo and Juliet.

Student 2: Yes, that’s me.

Student 1: What’s that? He’s been dead for four hundred years? Okay thank you goodbye. Sorry they said you’ve been dead for four hundred years so you can’t assassinate me.