Totally Torture

[totallytorture1990]

Miss Rosie was born on Jan 9, 2022. So, once my postpartum period is over, it's back to dieting and exercising.

She's a cutie, isn't she? ☺️

[totallytorture1990]

I guess it's time to post my reason for being absent.

Miss Rosalie Jean is due January 10th, 2022. My OB does not want me to lose weight, but it is still happening. I just have not had an appetite since becoming pregnant. At 315lbs, so gained some weight, but I have lost 5 lbs since April.

[totallytorture1990]

I am 52.4 lbs down. I also was able to drink 10 cups of water yesterday.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 166

I’m still here. Life just seems to get in the way sometimes.

I am down 48.2 lbs since August 19, 2020. I admit to having gotten lazy with the walks. I just haven’t been feeling up to it. But I have kept my diet pretty much the same. Only consuming 1,800 calories a day. Christmas and Thanksgiving derailed that a little, but not badly.

My clothes do not fit anymore. That is strange. I need to take my measurements to see how much I have slimmed down that way. But again, lazy. 

Making homemade Chicken and Dumplings for dinner today. Not a lot of calories in how I make it, so that is a hearty and healthy meal.

[totallytorture1990]

It's day 152 of the diet. I just celebrated my 31st birthday yesterday. I also officially crossed the threshold of 45 lbs this morning.

Matter of fact, I hit 45.6 lbs.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 61

NOTE: 61 is not the number of days since starting this blog. I will probably start using the number of days according to MyFitnessPal. With that said....

According to MyFitnessPal, I have been doing this diet thing for 61 full days. I have NEVER committed to a diet for so long. It’s honestly shocking that I have lasted this long, and am still going strong.

As of this morning, I am down 30.4 lbs. My weight this morning was 322.9 lbs. I began taking my diet serious on August 19, 2020....it is October 18, 2020, and I have lost over 30lbs in just under two months. That blows my mind.

I wish that I could say that I see changes. To some extent, I do. My favorite jeans don’t fit anymore. They fall down all the time. But that’s been about it. Others tell me that they see it, but I wonder if they’re just trying to amuse me, or keep me motivated. As silly as it sounds, the only body part that looks different to me are my feet, and that’s because I take a phone of the scale twice a week and see my toes in detail during those moments. They look thinner. But I still feel like a blob.

I want to start working out, not just doing walks, but I hate the thought of doing so in a gym...and I don't have the money for equipment. Public gyms make me anxious. Even Planet Fitness which is suppose to be a judgement free zone. Too many people, and I feel to embarrassed to ask how a piece of equipment works. Some anxiety from years of being made fun of in gym class probably feed into that.

But, I am still in this. I am still working for my goal. I changed my calorie intake. Dropped to 1800 calories from 2000. I am watching everything I eat. I only drink water, with a few exceptions here or there. I want to meet my goal. 

[jaubaius]

[logoside]

[hclark70]

[totallytorture1990]

Day 46

I have reached 24 lbs down since August 19, 2020. It seems weird. Before, when I would try to diet, I would lose 5 lbs and then gain back 6 lbs and just give up. This time, It’s not been the case. 

I still have a long way to go to reach my goal. 

[totallytorture1990]

Update from the phone

Not sure what day this is since I am not posting from the PC. I have officially lost 18.5 lbs since last Sunday. I am actually wearing an old pair of jeans today. A pair that I have not worn since Christmas 2019.

I am so happy that this diet is working this time. In the past, living at home, my grandma always pressured me to eat. Pop was always around to tempt me. I always fell back into old habits. This are different in my own place.

A sad note, the best boss that I have ever had has decided to quite. I can't blame her, based on what the company has thrust at her (three new hires and no other staff but herself to train them, no control over products sold in our low-income town, and so much more). I hate to see her go. I got emotional, but hid and worked of training videos to keep from crying. I fear the future, the uncertainty, and not knowing if a new GM will be in the office Oct 5.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 32 Full Post

This is the time of the year where I start to crave being outside. Unfortunately, today I was stuck indoors. There was too much laundry and cleaning to do. Plus I had course work for work to do. (Life at MyEyeDr. I guess.) That being said, I am hoping to go on a hike next weekend. If the weather is nice, anyways.

I feel weird being so close to meeting my wight loss goal for surgery. I honestly can’t believe that I have lost nearly 20lbs in one month. (16.7 lbs in 32 days.) I want to get down to a weight where I don’t feel so ashamed to do things. I want to be able to ride a roller coaster, get into small areas, and just wear cute outfits without drawing attention to myself. Hell, I want to wear a dress and feel cute. And I mean no disrespect to people who support all body types, but I don’t feel good being overweight. I have never felt good in my body. I have always been fat, and there’s never been a positive to that. 

My hope is that, in a year’s time, I will be outside, active, and in a new body. A thinner body. A healthier body.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 32

I am officially done 16.7 lbs! I figured, after last week of being down due to Mother Nature making a visit, I would have put on more weight, but I actually lost weight!

Starting tomorrow, I am going to start my daily walks after work, since I haven't done a daily walk since starting my new job.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 24

I have been bad the last two days, diet wise. I only went over my 2000 calories by 100-300 calories both days, but it still bothers me. Mother nature’s visit this week had me craving food big time. But I am having some issues with her this time around too.

Starters, not pregnant. I’ve been tested at home, at the OBGYN, and in the ER last weekend. That being said, I didn’t have a menstrual cycle for the last three months. This month, I was put back on birth control pills, thus having my cycle. (I have PCOS.) This is day three, and the bleeding has gotten heavier, the cramps worse, and I feel sick. A pad usually last me a full 8 hours, but I’m having to change it every 1 to 2 hours. I just don’t feel good, but no one seems to think it’s a big deal. Maybe it’s not. But I’ve upped my iron pills and water intake. 

As for weight this past Friday, I didn’t bother taking it. I know you can gain anywhere from 2 - 6 pounds due to hormonal changes and fluid retention. I will still get on the scale Monday morning, just to stay consistent in my physical log that I keep.

This week, to sum it all up, has been hell.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 21

I have lost a total of 12.8 lbs since starting my weight loss journey. As long as I am heading in the right direction I am happy.

Started my new job and absolutely love it! More later when I have more time.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 18, and I am sick.

I have a bad kidney infection and high chloride, according to the local ER. So I am on medication and told to take it easy. I couldn't handle the pain yesterday, so I caved and went to the hospital.

The last couple of days, I have done better on my diet. Stayed below my allowed calories. Haven't felt like eating though, so that helps. Been playing a lot of Red Dead Redemption II in the past 48 hours.

[totallytorture1990]

Day 16

Since Monday, I have only lost 1.3 lbs. Which is probably healthier than losing 7 lbs in one week, but that number still disappoints me. So I took a look at what this week looked like in MyFitnessPal, and it was disappointing. Three of seven days, I went over my calorie allowance. Not a lot, but I still went over. The week before that? I was under the allowance every single day. In other words, I’m having a bad week. So, starting today, I have to change that.

We are having breakfast. Homemade waffles. This means, after breakfast, I will have to do protein shakes for lunch and dinner. This sort of works out since I have to be out of the house at dinner time. I am hoping, for Monday morning’s weighting, I can hit the 3 to 5 lbs range like I had.

I have also been slacking in walking. The weather was rather humid the last few days, or rainy. The weather looks nice today, so I am hoping to get out there this morning. We’ll see though. I have found that I am more motivated to do things when I am home alone. I’m not sure why. And I won’t be home alone until tomorrow. It’s nothing against the love of my life, but I’ve always been like that.  

The goal is still to get down to 335 lbs. That’s the weight I have to hit before RNY is considered. 

[totallytorture1990]

So it's day 15, and depression has kind of bitten me again. I had a day of no motivation, and kinda blew caution to the wind when it came to my calories. I went over by 135. Not bad, but not good either.

I just don't feel right. There's a lot or stress right now.

[totallytorture1990]

I have officially lost my first 10 lbs! 10.2 to be exact.

I don't look like I have lost any weight, but I read that the fat around your organs goes away first. Which is good since I was told that I had a fatty liver years ago.