【 train wreck 】 @traainwreck-blog1 - Tumblr Blog

violencewrites‌:

she hadn’t even noticed he was close enough to touch her until he did so, his rigid hand resting softly at the base of her spine. one touch and she felt the fight drain out of her, leaving a husk of betrayal and bitterness behind. she couldn’t be half as angry with him as she was with herself. it was impossible to come even close to the rage that mounted at the yearning that still lingered around the edges of her veins. her stomach turned foul, like the butterflies had turned to wolverines tearing her apart as she looked at him. she used to think such nice things about his eyes, now all she could think of were two dirty ice chips that filled her with an alien cold. you shouldn’t have left me, she wanted to say. but i’m glad you did, she wanted to lie. she looked across at bradey, wishing she’d just let him shoo them off and let her enjoy the night but she hadn’t. she’d made a made a terrible overestimation of her own backbone and found travis wrapping around it once more.

she jerked back from him and walked through the door into her living room, not stopping until she’d reached the kitchen. she told herself she didn’t want bradey to see her upset, which was only true from a certain point of view. she didn’t want to see someone had the influence over her to make her so despondent. a power he didn’t possess. she spun back to him, leaning against the far counter and keeping her suspicious eyes on his careful features. wolves on his back, wolves on his skin, she’d thought she’d bedded a wolf and not a snake until he’d left her and she’d do well to remember that painful lesson. she looked miserable, she hoped that he saw that. that he made her miserable. and no matter how boring her life with bradey could be, he’d never make her sad. not like this. she’d loved travis and he’d left her behind, fucked her ‘til he was bored and satiated and ran out without another thought. her soft hands balled into fists, she’d hit him if it would do her any good.

“ what do you want? ” she challenged, breaking the silence with her irritable tone. “ what could be so damn important that you had to show up and ruin this for me, huh? ” was his pride really so fragile that he couldn’t handle the idea of someone else picking up his old toy? what if it had been one of his brothers that bedded her? or was it just nice men that weren’t welcome to his old stash? she thought travis had been the one. not just in the traditional sense, but the one to break her out of her habits. the one to stop walking over her, the one to help her stand taller instead of tearing her down, the one to value her voice. but it had been an illusion of power, maybe she’d grown a little bolder with him, a little less restrained. but what good had it done when she landed flat on her ass, blindsided by his sudden disinterest? she’d still been a mewling kitten, begging for a chance to change. bradey loved her, she’d never had to beg.

there was no doubt in travis’ mind that he had hurt stella when he’d left her back in the diner over a year ago, but it had never been his intention. the life he had chosen, wasn’t for her ; or so he had thought. she had been present in a rain of bullets, yet showed up at work the next day. she was stronger than he could even imagine, and in the end it was his loss, for believing she would be there, waiting, when he returned. the way she pulled away from his touch, forced travis to take a deep, silent breath, before following her into the living room and further into the kitchen.

travis looked towards her face, the misery evident in every part of her features. he’d caused this and he knew it, but he wouldn’t look away. “ i don’t want nothin’ ” he spoke softly, before shaking his head and taking a step closer to the girl, who leaned against the counter with her balled fists, leaving travis to see how much he’d hurt her. he knew coming here in the first place was a long shot, but he couldn’t leave things unsaid — especially if she was getting married. travis’ clenched jaw loosened as he looked at the girl, his features turning soft and his eyes warm. “ nothin’ but you. ”

“ if this is what you want — what you truly want — then i’ll leave you be, for good. “ he gestured around, the words tasting bitter in his mouth, knowing that this would very well be the last time they spoke, causing him to choose his words even more carefully than initially planned. “ i just know how much i will resent myself if i don’t tell you how i feel “ sighing, the taller male looked down at the girl. “ what we experienced together, was a horrifying experience, and i would never want you to have to go through anything like that again. that’s the reason i ended things. the only reason. what we had before, however short a while it was, was the best time of my life. and in the months i was gone, i realized that you’re a lot stronger than i thought. that this life that i have — i can see you being the center of it. i can see us going through this messed up life together. i see us being happy “ shaking his head once more, the man shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, looking more like a little boy than anything else as he looked stella in the eyes, “ but that will only ever happen, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, for making a rash decision. fuck — i love you stella. and i know it’s about a year too late, but i want you by my side, but more than anything — i want to be by yours “

#travis + stella

violencewrites‌:

bradey wasn’t perfect love, not a passionate and vibrant or true love. but he was a pure love. a good, honest and steady love. far better than stella had come to know over her years of follies. he was admirably dull. he came home when he said he would, he’d kiss her goodbye when he left and she’d never tasted the faint traces of blood in his stubble when he did so. this could be enough she’d decided. she glanced around the party with a disinterested fondness. most of the room was his friends and family, she’d never had hoards of either but he had and shared them willingly. she’d barely swallowed the strawberry she’d bitten when he kissed her infront of everyone with a lovable shyness. he didn’t mark her, or stake his claim. not even when she wished he would. she dyed her hair not long after travis had left to a dull brown. it suited her new life well but did little to flatter her face. it was modest, like the ring on her finger, the home they’d rented together and even her fiancé himself.

he smiled against her lips and she smiled back thoughtlessly. she wasn’t unhappy– only dissatisfied that this amount of joy left her feeling unfulfilled. she’d been warned by her aunt that girls like her aimed to make themselves miserable. that happiness was uncomfortable because it was unfamilar. that she would wriggle back from it like a cat straining from a sticky fingered child and stella had been intent on proving her wrong. she could be happy. she could let herself be happy. as if fate wanted to wanted to test the merit of her promise, she looked in the direction of the back door sliding open, spotting travis flanked by two of his brothers. she’d seen him from time to time since he’d returned, and still the blow hadn’t softened. it took the air out of her to see him. she wanted to cry all over again because the wound still ached. she wanted to strangle him for the hold he still had and how lonely it made her feel to look at him.

bradey looked up with a confused expression before looking back down to his fiancé. stella squeezed his hand that was still laced in hers. “ baby, i got it. ” he was reluctant, puffing up his chest like any other defensive man. he stepped closer to her, brushing his lips to hers, to her temple, to her nose and hairline before nodding and stepping back as she nuzzled her face against his. she watched him walk to his brother looking far calmer already. he’d never had much of a temper, for that she was grateful. though stella may have looked timid with her pastel dress and wide eyed make up, she stalked to travis like she’d planned to neuter him infront of the crowd. one of his brothers already enjoying the food platters out, though the other hesitated at his side. “ i’d ask why you’re here but i don’t particularly care. you need to go now. ” her voice was calmer than she’d imagined it could be for the first words she’d given him in over a year. he looked good, and she despised herself for noticing that as she stepped into his space with angry eyes. she wouldn’t let him spoil this. he’d cut her out of his life for being a distraction, she would keep him from her life for the same reason. he was a distraction of little worth.

with the war that had been ongoing, since the day shots had been fired after travis and stella, he would have hoped that life had been too chaotic to leave any room for thoughts about her. alas, that wasn’t the case. leaving her in the diner that day, had been in both of their best interest ; or at least that what travis had convinced himself over and over in the following months. blood had been shed, lives had been lost and travis had been in the middle of it all, as a loyal full patched wolf should be, following orders and doing what needed to be done. riding the coast from end to end, to gather strengths, had left travis with little down time but every minute spent in private, wasn’t spent focusing on the reality of club business ; rather thinking about the girl he had left behind. the girl that had promised to do better for him, although he wanted her in all her pure and innocent glory.

some part of him had naively expected her to be there waiting when he got back, so when hearing through the grapevine upon his return to clearmont, that stella was now dating some dull, uptight stiff, travis had tried to push the thoughts of her to the back of his mind, not wanting to disrupt her happiness, when that was all he had wanted for her to begin with. but the few times he’d seen her around town since returning, he hadn’t been able to see the excitement in her eyes, that she hadn’t been able to hide when she was with him. to travis, that was reason enough to step in, especially when it became public knowledge that the two had intended to get married.

entering the facility with his brothers by his side and the large wolf patch proudly displayed on his back, the man looked around the room in search of the girl, when spotting her angry gaze, under the now darker curls. the way her fiancée puffed up his chest forced travis to chuckle, until the stiff’s lips were at stella’s temple, and instantly travis’ hands balled into fists at his side. stella’s stalking steps towards them, caused travis to give a nod to his brothers that they ought to leave the pair be, and they unsuccessfully tried to blend into the crowd.

“ just give me a minute to talk to you, babygirl “ he spoke in a gentle tone of voice, the pet name leaving his lips with such ease, he wished he’d never given her up. tightening his jaw, travis looked up towards bradley, before turning to place a hand on stella’s lower back and nodding towards the door. “ please ? “ a word that is hardly ever spoken by travis edwards.

#travis + stella

FEATURING TARA

tara had never been a worrier until this uterus invasion had disrupted everything she’d come to think of as normal. her biggest concern before all this started was if the dog did or did not, in fact, eat her graduation ring with the occasional splash of could she still afford to heat her house if she ordered pizza for the third time that week ? now she had a whole other life to worry about, and that was just counting vico. who, as it turned out, could out-worry even her own neurotic incubator brain. she sat in the uncomfortable chair with her hands in her lap, still on the verge of coming to terms with the fact that this would not be an instagram pregnancy where she got to have abs on her damn bump. he continued to flip through the gross magazines the place had to offer. print media was dead right ? who was writing all these articles about nipples and placenta ? she’d like to punch them if she could.

she looked up as he spoke, leaning on the arm of the chair to see what he was looking at. the fruits and vegetables a lot less startling than the article he’d made her look at previously, thankfully. she stared at him for a long moment as he stared back before throwing up her hands at his question. “ well i don’t fucking know. why call it cooking at all ? can’t we say it’s the size of a baseball ? avocado’s are all sorts of sizes. when was the last time you saw two perfectly identical avocado’s- no don’t bother answering because if you say anything other than never you are a filthy liar. ” she accused as she settled back into her spot. “ when they say avocado, they mean just size right ? it’s not like… the shape or anything ? ” she asked quietly, not wanting one of the nurses to overhear.

vico had turned out to be a very information-seeking parent, constantly reading through articles online or looking up information on the child in it’s current state. which was why he’d insisted on coming to every doctor’s appointment. tara had insisted on the pregnancy being taken care of by her own obgyn, instead of vico paying for the best of the best. something about not wanting some random doctor she’d never met, looking at the most intimate parts of her body - rather it be somebody she knew and trusted. the previous article he’d made her look at, was an article about placenta and how it was taken care of in different cultures. something vico found extremely fascinating, while tara had looked like she wanted to throw up.

he’d grown up on old money, and now being the ceo of the corporation his great grandfather had started, vico had no time to be this invested in tara’s pregnancy. his brother who also worked for the company, had begun to worry about vico’s dedication and since neither tara’s nor vico’s families knew about the child, that would be the next order of business — telling them.

knowing perfectly well that it was tara’s pregnancy hormones that made her lash out at him for such a simple question, he couldn’t help but chuckle at her nearly whispered words, “ i’m pretty sure it’s just the size, yeah ” he whispered at her, while looking at the nurse, sitting behind a counter talking on the phone. another nurse stepped out of a room, looked down into her chart, before calling out in a questioning tone “ miss tara keery ? ” vico looked at the girl, flashing her a comforting smile, “ let’s go see our little baseball ” he spoke, before getting up from his seat, carelessly throwing the magazine on the table full of informational pamphlets.

#vico + tara

@violencewrites

a few months ago, vico wouldn’t have been able to say he’d been in an obgyn’s office. this was now his third visit with tara and every time he stepped into the room, he had a strange feeling in his stomach. something along the lines of having butterflies, because he was about to get more information on his unborn child. the parenting pair, had decided against getting a paternity test taken, after vico had heard about the risk — miscarriage. knowing that this miracle child, was most likely his only chance of ever having a child, the billionaire former playboy had been talked out of having the test taken, but rather to trust tara that the baby could only be his.

casually flipping through a pregnancy magazine in the waiting room of tara’s obyn’s waiting room, vico’s face turned confused, “ why do they always measure a baby’s size in fruit and vegetables ? ” his eyes looked towards tara, as if she would know the answer, “ i just read that a baby that is four months into cooking - like ours is - is the size of an avocado. but why an avocado ? why not... y’know... three chicken nuggets or some shit ? ”

#vico + tara

FEATURING STELLA

last night had ended with bullets embedded in a brick that had been only inches from her face. it had been an awful sound, like a loud crackle that made her ears ring, even from across the street. the black suv was imposing enough, but the bright flash of the powder being struck was something she wasn’t going to forget anytime soon. naturally, she’d buckled to the ground, instincts telling her that getting low was the only way she was going to keep her skull intact as travis covered as much of her body as he could while trying to move her stiff form out of the way and into the alley. the car rolled on like nothing happened and the whole street was in a panic, screaming while she stood against his chest stunned silent. they’d made it out without a scratch, but the fear that had been struck into her that night, she would carry forever. it had taken three xanax’s to get to anything close to resembling sleep and even as she finally begun to doze, her hands were balled up in shaking fists of his bed sheets.

work had been a blur today, partly due to the residual drugs in her system and the rest was still adrenaline working its way through her body. she watched the windows anxiously for any cars that looked suspicious, inspected faces of those who walked in that she didn’t know. the world she’d known had been tilted on its axis and torn apart in order to accommodate the information she now knew about his. travis walked through the door, looking like he’d had a good night of rest and an easy morning, though she knew it had been anything but. turning to mandy, she raised her brows before approaching to stand at her heel. “ am i good for my break now? ” the other girl nodded with a look that reminded her all she had was fifteen minutes, make the most out of them with biker boy.

she crossed the quiet diner and sat down opposite him in the booth. “ hey you, ” she greeted softly, the knots in her stomach easing at the sight of him. travis wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. travis had protected her where her own body had not. “ i only got fifteen minutes, ” she paused, looking over his face with a little more caution. sure, travis looked calm but it was unsettling. it was the same set to his jaw he’d had all night. “ you okay? ”

travis wasn’t alone in the booth for long, before stella came and sat down opposite him. the male had his hands on top of the table, one hand balled into a fist, and the other covering it, looking down into the tabletop. usually travis wasn’t one to carry around his piece, without knowing he was heading somewhere it would be needed, but after the night they’d had he deemed it necessary. finally looking up at the blonde, travis’ face was void of emotion “ hey babygirl ” the pet name came naturally and was accompanied by the side of his lips curving upwards for a split second.

since the episode the previous night, he’d been caught in club business but as soon as his head hit the pillow at seven in the morning, travis hadn’t been able to sleep, his mind filled with thoughts of stella. being that she wasn’t used to gunfire or being in a situation where she had to come to terms with the fact that she might die, he wanted to check up on her, but simultaneously realized that they couldn’t continue doing what they were doing. she didn’t belong in his crazy world and he wanted to protect her from any harm, and he realized the only way that could happen, was if he ended things.

“ i’m good. how about you ? are you okay ? “ he asked as his gaze fell on her features, trying to make out what she was feeling. before she could respond, he shook his head, his eyes traveling away from her face, towards the counter and stools, “ look, i only stopped by to let you know that... “ looking back towards her, he knew he couldn’t tell her the truth, which was why his eyes turned cold and his face hard, “ we can’t continue this. i just wanted to tell you in person. i’m leaving tomorrow and i’ll pick up my shit at your place when i get back. the club needs my full attention, and you’re a distraction “ suddenly feeling the urge to light a cigarette, travis tapped his fingers on the table as his jaw tightened, looking stella in the eyes, reading her facial expression.

#travis + stella

the night before had been something of an eye opener for travis. he had been taking a calm evening stroll with the girl he had a somewhat turbulent three month relationship with, when a black suv with tinted windows had rolled past the pair, causing travis to instantly pull the woman close to his body, and shield her as he dragged her into a nearby alley. if this wasn’t a warning for him to focus on the club, and end it with the girl, then the male had no idea what would be.

travis knew he had to end things with stella, not only for his own sake, but to make things easier on her. she wasn’t built for this life, and he wasn’t about to forcibly drag her into it again, as he’d accidentally done the night before. and what good would it do to be in a relationship, worrying about stella, when he had to leave town to find the strengths to retaliate ?

parking his bike close to the entrance of the diner, travis strolled towards the door in his uniquely calm fashion. making eye contact with stella across the room, he nodded her over before grabbing a menu, looking it over, although he’d read it a dozen times over. he’d never lived anywhere but this town, and this was about as close to fine dining as you’d get within the town limits ; not that he minded.

#travis + stella

violencewrites

The way he touched her hair felt intimate, more intimate than they’d been midfuck by far. It was softer, far more grounded in something other than his appreciation for the shape of her ass. He wanted this baby, she could see it burning in his eyes almost reverently. It was a lot of pressure, to be a man’s possible last shot at fatherhood, especially when she wasn’t so certain about her status as a mother. What sort of mother would she be? Children bothered the shit out of her on flights, when she saw them having breakdowns in the store she was glad not to be one of those people. Oh god, and when they had the snot? Horrible. But some of them were cute, in little jerseys and tiny shoes with their gross chewed on teddies.

Miracle. Tara wasn’t a big believer in miracles. She’d used the word before, like when her dorm mates hadn’t fed her fish over the break while she’d been in Cancoon and come back to it still swimming around, but that had been less of divine intervention than it eating the build-up of algae in the tank. His hand was on her cheek and for a bizarre moment of tenderness, Tara thought maybe it would work out. He seemed so happy that it almost made up for the uncertainty of her features. And why wouldn’t she be uncertain? This was Vico Gaspari. Maybe he was excited now, but when it was three am and neither of them had gotten a wink of sleep in days, a baby screaming bloody murder for his attention? How long would his excitement last then?

“I’ll think about it.” She nodded. Oh for fuck sakes I’m crying again. She felt the wetness on her cheeks before she noticed them leave her eyes as she threw her hands up with a small laugh. What else could she do but try and laugh through the hormonal state she found herself in? Her lips fell into a pout as she shook her head. “I didn’t think my first born child would be conceived doggystyle, if I’m being honest.” She mumbled thickly.

without even thinking about it, vico moved his hand from his lap towards her thigh at her response, his fingers running in circles along her bare skin in gratitude, “ thank you. i know it’s a lot to ask and it’s a huge commitment, but trust me when i say, i’ll be there through it all. take all the time you need to think about it, and if there’s anything i can do, you can always just call me ” his tone of voice was calm, slightly excited and more than anything, grateful. when seeing the tears well up in her eyes, a small chuckle fell from his lips in unison with her laugh.

his eyes took in her features, the smile slowly returning to his lips and an unexpected laugh escaping him as she let out her last comment. raising his hand again, he wiped away the tears that were falling from her eyes as she laughed and moved himself a bit closer, “ i didn’t think i’d ever knock someone up, so trust me, i wasn’t thinking about what position we were in ” he chuckled while turning on the couch, to be able to place his arm around her shoulders and pull her into his chest.

they barely knew each other, yet here he found himself holding her close to himself, like someone he’d known for years. this was so out of character for him, but reality was that he was as happy as he could ever remember having been, “ fuck... ” the word fell from his lips in a tone of disbelief, accompanied by a another chuckle. his mind was racing a thousand miles per minute. were they having a boy or a girl ? was it really his ? lawsuit or no ? should she move in with him while she was pregnant ? in an effort to not stress out the mother to be, vico kept his thoughts to himself.

“ finding out you might becoming a parent sure does work up the appetite. should we order some food ? ” he asked, not even considering the fact that she might want to be alone with her thoughts. from this moment on, he wasn’t leaving her side, unless she specifically asked him.

#vico + tara

violencewrites

INFERTILE. The word hit her like a fucking freight train as it briefly and quite literally put the fear of god into her. But he couldn’t be infertile. Not unless the test was false because if he was infertile, there was no way she could possibly be pregnant– she swore she could feel a migraine coming on. “Okay. Okay, okay, okay.” She said, starting steady before devolving into a flurry. “So you’re infertile. And I’ve not fucked anyone but you. And I’m pregnant.” She put the puzzle pieces down and like a child wanted to smash her fist until the ill-fitted edges slid into place. “Okay.”

She watched his face like it might suddenly crumble and give her the answers she was desperately scanning for. If all of this was true, and somehow the infertile one night stand that was supposed to finally get her over her miserable ex, had indeed impregnated her, what did that all mean? To her absolute surprise, he began to smile. Like the question on his lips actually delighted him rather than scare the ever-loving shit out of him. “Do– Do you want to be a dad?” She asked, shifting closer to sit right in front of him, pressing her knuckles to her lips.

“A doctor. Like a…. do you see a normal doctor? Or… what’s that baby doctor called again?” She asked clicking her fingers. “Do we see one of those straight away– Hold on.” She interrupted herself, feeling incredibly overwhelmed the more she spoke as she tried to hold his gaze. “Shouldn’t we discuss our options or something? I mean, we don’t even know each other and I’m only just out of college, this is a lot of pressure and time and I don’t even know if I want to be a–” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word out loud. “I didn’t expect you to be so…” She gestured at him vaguely. “And I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Ten minutes ago I was worried you might push me down a stairwell or something and now we’re talking doctors and I’m sort of freaking out here.”

seeing her shift on the couch to face him, he did the same by turning to the side and casually placing his leg in the space between them, with his arm on the back of the couch. her question didn't really come as a surprise, especially not with the reputation he carried. a reputation built on the mere fact that he couldn't conceive a child. vico shrugged, unable to wipe the smile away from his lips, " well ... yeah. " without really thinking about it, his hand moved from the back of the couch to grab a small lock of her hair and he begun slowly playing with it between his fingers, " i guess, i've kind of always wanted to be a dad. but i was twenty when i was told i was, y'know, infertile. so i just accepted that i'd never have a family, at least not the traditional way. so i focused on becoming successful instead. but yes, i want to be a dad ... more than anything " he spoke honestly, and it felt like it was the first time in his life he'd done so, but due to the circumstance they found themselves in, he owed it to tara to be honest.

as she begun rambling, vico simply smiled, but the smile quickly faded when she begun speaking about the timing and vico put the pieces together. did she want an abortion ? but instead of freaking out, he tried his best to change her mindset, although his smile didn’t return " tara, this baby, no matter how fucked up and unbelievable the circumstance, is a miracle. " his words were spoken gently, as he moved his hand from her hair, down to her cheek, cupping it while tilting his head down and looking her in the eyes, " to me, there's only one option. if what the doctors told me, is right ... then this might be my only chance to ever have my own kid. so just consider it, okay ? and i'll promise to be there through it all. the cravings, the doctor’s appointments - everything " as he talked, the joy could be seen in his eyes, and the way he moved so excitedly. he pulled his hand back, and placed it in his lap, before looking her in the eye again " just, breathe ... and think about it. please ? "

#vico + tara

violencewrites

He looked away from her so fast she thought his neck may actually snap, or at the very least develop a nasty kink. She expected denial, lord knows she’d been through it. She’d never found herself looking for more excuses than she had looked at the test. It was faulty, she wasn’t pregnant; her period was just fashionably late, she wasn’t having mood swings because of something growing inside of her; it was the added hormones in chickens the news always raved on about. She’d gone through a laundry list of reasons why the test was absolute bullshit right up until she’d broke down in tears on the bathroom floor. She was pregnant. No matter what, that would change her life forever.

“I haven’t been with anyone in three months except you, Vico.” She stated plainly, feeling sick to her stomach, fearful of what he might say next. What if he really wanted her to get rid of it? She’d had it as an option in the back of her mind for a while, but if push came to shove, she wasn’t sure she could go through with it. Oh god, would that make her a mother? Would she be a mother in what? Seven or eight months? Fuck. “I know… I know this is a lot. And like I said, I don’t expect anything from y– ”

He cut her off and she stared at him with wet bambi eyes. He wanted a paternity test, she could understand. It wasn’t like it was a crazy thing to ask for, but it still stung her pride. She felt as though he was calling her a liar to her face, just seeking out the baby daddy with the most prospects to saddle with her bastard whelp. She wanted to lash out, she wanted to cry, she wanted toast- maybe with peanut butter. “We can do that.” She nodded, still shrinking back as though she expected him to start screaming at her or calling her horrible things. Her father had when her mother had announced she was pregnant with Eileen; Tara’s younger sister. He’d been distant at best with his first born and had hated the idea of another with a woman he didn’t love. Is that what she was risking with Vico?

“Maybe we should take another test?” She offered, curling her knee’s up as she watched him pace with alert eyes. “Sometimes they’re wrong, we– we could get another.”

the way she looked at him with the tears falling down her cheeks from her large eyes, caused vico to finally realize how she must have perceived his reaction. that he didn't want this child, when the truth was the exact opposite. if this child was his, it was a miracle. when the realization hit him, he quickly made his way towards her, sitting back down where he'd been earlier, " no, no, no, you don't understand — it can't be mine because i'm... " he sighed, before leaning back in his seat and running his hands over his head, " i'm infertile " this was the first time he'd said the words out loud to himself, and that made it real. people often talked about how many men had no desire to be fathers, but not vico. coming from a large italian family, he wanted nothing more but to become a father, and carry on the family name — a desire he'd never told anyone about. not even his mother, every time she asked if he had found a nice girl to settle down with. he was thirty, he should have found someone to settle down with by now, but unable to let his mother down, he blamed it on needing to blow off steam.

suddenly seeing things clearly, he shook his head, choosing to believe her when she said she hadn't been with anyone else " you're pregnant. it can't be anyone elses. and since i'm not exactly a believer in immaculate conception, it's mine. i'm gonna be a dad ? " he stared into the room for a few seconds with no emotion on his face, before the reaction he'd been trying to hold back, finally escaped him, and his lips formed a smile as he looked towards tara " we need to see a doctor. both of us. because i’m not a huge believer in miracles " he spoke, trying to keep a level head but the smile on his lips outed his feelings of happiness.

#vico + tara

violencewrites

Tara decided that she wanted her cat at that moment, something she could pat to keep her agitated hands busy. Though in this state, she may accidentally squeeze it to death so it was probably good the callous creature was off baking in the afternoon sun. Vico was looking at her like he was making an internal deal with the devil himself to get the hell out of whatever he’d just walked into and she couldn’t blame him. The girl he’d met had been flouncing about in a short black dress, drinking black russian’s and dancing like she was auditioning for a burlesque club. Now she was wearing a shirt with a moose in swim shorts and sweatpants, not exactly the sexiest attire she could have chosen. But truth be told she was growing a human being in the science lab of her cervix and sexy wasn’t her number one priority at that moment.

“Well that’s probably a good thing, I guess.” She tried to speak but her voice was getting more and more choked up with every word. Oh my god, am I crying? I am. I’m fucking crying. Oh no. Oh no, no, no–. She pawed at her face, trying to get rid of the tears before they hit her chin. Fuck my miserable life, I can’t believe I’m crying. I should leave. I should just get up and walk out right now and everything will be okay. I can’t walk out, this is my place. He’ll have to leave. He just got here I can’t kick him out, that’s psychotic. Holy shit, no one has said anything for a really long time. We’ve been sitting here and I’ve been crying. In silence. She wanted the ground to swallow her whole, though she would’ve settled for him at that moment if it got her out of this situation.

“I’d like to preface this,” Her voice wobbled, though she fought tooth and nail for control. “By saying that I don’t expect anything from you. This is just a courtesy call. Like you know– if you scratch someone’s car in the parking lot and you’re not a total shit, you’ll leave your number and insurance? Which no one ever does because people fucking suck– That’s… that’s not what we’re talking about.” She rambled incoherently before wiping her face once more. “I’m pregnant.”

The words fell out of her mouth like they were made from lead and she felt as though she needed one of those cyanide spy capsules to bite down on and get her out of this unbearable moment. Though she doubted that would make his time any better, the girl you got with telling you she’s pregnant and proceeding to drop to the ground, frothing at the mouth dead from a poisoned tablet. But what the fuck did she care, at least she wouldn’t have to still be sitting here looking at his face.

wait ... was she crying ? there were few things in this world that made vico uncomfortable, but on the very top of that list, was women crying. clearing his throat, he looked around uncomfortably while rubbing his palms on his knees, not knowing what to do with his hands all of the sudden. was he supposed to put an arm around her and tell her everything was going to be all right or maybe he was supposed to take her hand and ask her what was wrong ? with no idea how to act, vico would look around the room, hands awkwardly on his knees, as silence filled the air between them.

when tara begun talking about insurance and scratching someone's car, the confusion on his face grew. he listened while his eyes scanned her face, unable to figure out what in the world was going on. that was until she spoke the two words, which sent him for a loop. silence begun spreading between them again, vico's mouth slightly agape, as even more confusion became visible on his face, " i... " looking away from tara's face, he swallowed to try and make his mouth seem less dry, before shaking his head, denial taking over his entire being, " no. it's impossible. it's not mine " unable to to tell the woman he hardly knew why he was so sure the child wasn't his, he got up from his seat, pacing the floor of her apartment, not for a second thinking his reaction could be misconstrued as him not wanting the child growing within her to his.

what if it actually was his ? what if the fertility clinic had been wrong back in the day ? or maybe this was just a fluke ? a one in a million chance ? or maybe she just wanted his money ? did she even want to keep it ? thoughts and questions spinning in his head, caused vico to speak the only words he could think of which could make sense of the situation. —

" i want a paternity test "

perhaps it was the shock of the situation, or maybe the fact that he'd settled into the thought of never having children, but vico was sure that the paternity test would give him answers. not wanting to let himself hope that the child was his, the male settled into denial. it couldn’t be his.

#vico + tara

violencewrites

Oh, shit– fucking cunt fuck shit christ ballsack. He was going to think this was a booty call. Why wouldn’t he? Who invites someone over to drop a pregnancy? This was… lunch news. Not come to my house news. Tara was concerned that her head may actually, quite literally, explode before he could get his foot in the door. Pregnant. She’d gone and gotten herself pregnant. Would he tell her to get an abortion? Did she want an abortion? Was putting up with nine months of hell and giving up the kid a better choice than dealing with one of those wallmart clad ‘you’re a baby killer’ morons? Her stomach was wound in knots so tight she felt as though she could vomit. Wait, no. It was actually about to be vomit. The girl ran to the bathroom, standing over the sink as she waited to see if nausea would pass or render her useless for the next hour.

Thankfully, it eased. Though the tapping of knuckles on her apartment door almost had her in fits once more. Tara washed some water over her face and took a steady breath before making her way down the hall, pulling it back to see his easy-going expression. He definitely thought this was a sex thing. “Hey,” She greeted softly, stepping out of his way and allowing him to close the door behind himself. Was she about to cry? Oh, shit. Oh, this was already spiralling. She walked to her couch, curling up on the furthest end before nodding at the fridge. “There’s, like, beer… if you want it.” She said vaguely, avoiding his eyes as she inspected her chipped nail polish like the fucking da vinci code. “When you take off a bandaid, do you rip or soak?” She asked in a muted voice.

there was nothing unusual about a girl calling or texting vico, inviting him over for some fun, so when tara had called and invited him over, he had jumped to conclusions ; this was nothing more than a bootycall. sure, it was rare for vico to hook up with the same girl twice, but from what he could remember, tara was worth a second visit. going through his usual routine before going to a girl’s house, he’d shower, do his hair, dress himself in something casual yet flattering and after grabbing his phone, wallet and keys, he’d spray exactly two spritzes of an expensive perfume on himself, before exiting his house. after all, he had a reputation to live up to.

most people knew vico gaspari as being a no-nonsense business man, an eligible bachelor due to his wealth and seemingly effortless charm, but the women he hooked up with, mostly knew him as the guy who never called back. what nobody knew, was that during his younger years, before all the success, when participating in a fertility study to make some fast cash, he had been told he wouldn’t be able to conceive a child. the news had meant absolutely nothing to him at the time, but throughout the years, it had caused vico to avoid relationships like the plague, to be able to avoid having the conversation.

parking his flashy sportscar outside of tara’s apartment building, vico took a quick look at himself in the rearview mirror, before getting out and taking the steps up to her apartment two at a time. after knocking, he would lean against the doorjamb, half expecting her to come to the door dressed in something sexy, but was rather met by a soft greeting, followed by the woman curling up on the couch before he’d even entered. vico dismissed her offer of a beer, but closed the door behind him and sat down next to her on the couch.

a puzzled expression covered his face as tara asked him her question. “ i rip, i guess ? ” he spoke, before tilting his head to the side, and looking towards her, “ what’s going on, tara ? ” the male was unable to hide the disappointment on his face as he realized this wasn’t a bootycall, but tried to cover it with a false look of concern. he’d never given her the impression that they were friends, which caused his mind to blank as to why she’d called him — of all people.

#vico + tara

violencewrites

he pulled her in for a hug and she wound her arms around his neck instinctively, enjoying the feeling of his strong chest against her as she leaned onto her toes to be closer to him. aleia, for all her habits of falling quickly, had rough luck with love. often victim to people who liked what attention being with her could bring rather than who she was herself. levi didn’t want attention, he didn’t want her fame or subscriber count. for what she could see, all he really wanted was her and it felt like being kicked in the chest that they couldn’t act upon that. she loved matty and she knew just how much levi loved him too. neither wanted to go behind his back and do anything that could jeopardise their friendship as much as their career.

he pulled back from the hug and rather than letting go completely, she kept her hands on his shoulders, unsure whether or not she was ready to push him away or pull him closer. his hands were on her skin and she was finding it hard to remember all the reasons she should excuse herself and go back inside. he leaned down to press his forehead against hers and all she could smell was his expensive cologne.

“ we shouldn’t, ” she mumbled, sounding insincere even to her own ears. she wanted to kiss him, in fact she wanted to do a lot more than that. but outside of impulsive desires, she wanted to have walked into this party on levi’s arm. she wanted to be able to go out and have dates and spend time around one another. but they couldn’t. she felt her resolve weaken and knew now was the moment to pull away. not moving, she said, “ we should go back inside.”

she was right. they really shouldn’t. but no matter what, they couldn’t deny the pure attraction between them. when levi said he wanted her, it wasn’t just an in the moment kind of thing, he wanted her to be his in every way, he wanted her mind just as much as he wanted her body. breathing harshly through his nose, the male kept his forehead against hers, as his eyes shot open, breathing in the scent of aleia, which brought him back to their night together.

“i need you, leia. fuck, i need you so bad” he murmured, as he readjusted his hand on her jaw. he didn’t make a move to lean in closer, but simply looked her in the eyes enjoying the moment. they weren’t technically doing anything wrong — yet. that was levi’s reasoning to stay in the moment with her, rather than go back inside. he knew his contract didn’t allow him to date or hook up with his clients, but breaking his contract wasn’t what he was scared of. what levi was scared of, was pissing off matty, and in the state he currently found himself in, it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge.

“i don’t want to go back to reality” he breathed, their lips a mere inch from each other and levi had to fight himself, body and mind, to not close the final distance between them. it wouldn’t be long until josh would come looking for her, and this wasn’t a situation levi wanted them to be found in, yet he didn’t move away. “we really should get back” he whispered, before sighing and running his nose against hers.

#levi + aleia

violencewrites

at his cute gravelly excited voice, she honestly nearly let out one of those happy-weepy sobs. instead, she half masked it with a laugh as she ghosted her fingers over her name, not quite touching the fresh ink. she loved him unbearably much. growing up, mara had expected to find a guy in her history class who would go on to work with her dad, that they’d move into a house two streets away and pump out a litter or kids, same as her mom. that was a great life for someone who wanted it. but she’d always been looking for something more, something she hadn’t known quite what until she’d met him. bad biker boy. she’d looked rough and cool, and while he still was those things it hadn’t taken her long to see just how soft and boyish he could be, especially with her. shit, she was going to start really crying if she didn’t get it together.

as he pulled her in, she straddled his lap. one of her hands gently traced her fingers down the bumps of his spine, the other playing the hair at the nape of his neck as he kissed her shoulder. “ this makes the boots i got you look super shitty. ” she laughed, feeling her tears finally spill into her cheeks. mara had been debating with herself for some time whether or not she should get a tattoo, a lot of the other old ladies had them, this felt like the final push. her mom would kill her. she looked back in at his green eyes and saw how intently he was trying to focus on her. “ happy tears, i love it. ” she responded, voice thick before pressing kisses over his face. one to the nose, one to the corner of his mouth, each cheek, his forehead. she couldn’t kiss him enough.

she kissed his neck, once, twice and a third time before mumbling, “ i love you so much, you know that? ”

never in his life had morgan expected to love as unconditionally and ferociously as he loved mara. a simple conman from the streets of london, he’d never even hoped to be able to find anyone he’d feel this way about. yet here he was, his heart aching for the girl who sat in his lap, missing her although she was right in front of him. he knew her well enough, to know that the laughter which fell from her lips, only did so as to mask another sound, but he didn’t care. as long as she was smiling, he was sure his life was complete.

feeling her straddle him, his hands ended up on her lower back, looking up at her with the goofiest smile on his lips and if that wasn’t sign enough to let her know just how much he loved her, the words following would make sure she knew, “i love you too, mara hamby. more than you can imagine” his fingers slowly caressed her lower back, before leaning back into the mattress and pulling her along with him, “i’m glad you like it.” he spoke gently, slowly sobering up due to the sheer amount of love for the girl he held in his lap.

her kisses were the best gift she could give him, causing him to feel overwhelmingly loved. whenever the two of them were alone in a room together, they were as happy as they could get. it was outside factors —¨the club, her parents — which complicated their lives, but morgan was sure as long as they’d be alone every once in a while, they could power through anything.

letting his hand run down from her back towards her ass, the smile couldn’t be removed from his lips as he felt her kisses against his neck, “i love you” he repeated, as he turned his head to the side, looking at her with love written all over his face. in that moment, life couldn’t get better.

#morgan + mara

violencewrites

she should have been mad at him. the whole conversation should have made her wonder if she was being taken on some sort of ride, after all, what ride did he have to not want her to move on? but she was mad, instead, she just felt a hollow sort of bitter that they were in this position, to begin with. even as she heard selfish words come out of his mouth, she couldn’t muster up any real resentment. was that unfeminist of her? probably, she was sure someone would have something to say about all of this. but it was her life, her emotions and she just didn’t have it in her to be upset with him. “ then i’ll end it. done and done. ” she said softly, looking up at him with sincere eyes. “ like i said, it was just some fun. until we sort this shit out, i’ll… ” she’ll stay away from potential dating partners? that sounded about right.

for a moment she wondered just how mad matty would be about the pair of them. in all honesty, she felt like they’d lost their opportunity. a couple of months ago, he might’ve just been pissy but lately? she wouldn’t put it past him to end up with one or both of them being fired. maybe if matty got back into his normal headspace and out of the stress ball he’d been lately something could happen. she sobered at the thought. hope sprung eternal misery and holding out for that was likely only going to get them both hurt.

“ for what it’s worth, levi… ” she mumbled, feeling feverishly warm away from the aircons, though she didn’t think the stress of this was unrelated to bothered she was feeling. “ you’re a really good manager. ” she leaned onto her toes, for a moment instinctively going to kiss him until she realised what she was doing and diverted herself to place her lips against his cheek.

as she agreed to his selfish terms, levi couldn’t help but feel the resentment towards himself grow. breathing hard, he placed his hand on her waist as she leaned in, for a second allowing himself to think she might let her lips sink into his own, before she turned towards his cheek. he looked slightly to his side, her red hair all he could see, before he moved his hand up to the back of her neck, pulling her into himself for a hug. “sometimes - especially now - i wish i’d gone into a different line of work” he mumbled honestly, his arm snaking around her waist and pulling her into his own frame with all the strength he could give, without hurting her.

in the position that matty found himself in these days, levi didn’t want to add more shit onto his plate, but at the same time, he wondered if there was any way that aleia and himself could make this work. he loved his job, but for a long time, emotions hadn’t been part of the game. when he’d been with emma, he hadn’t even thought twice about putting his job first, but now? now he couldn’t help but wonder.

“aleia...” he spoke gently, before pulling himself away from their intense hug, only to look at her up-close. his hand found the side of her neck, closing around a handful of her hair and pulling her close, his forehead leaning against hers, unable to say anything. his brown eyes shut as he sighed heavily, finally finding the right words “i want you so bad”

#levi + aleia

violencewrites

her crinkled eyes shone silver in the moonlight as she did her best not to laugh at the state of him waddling over to her. as he leaned down, she put her hands on his chest to ensure he didn’t keel over halfway through and pressed her lips eagerly against his. his lips tasted as if he’d marinated himself in jack daniels and for a moment she was worried she’d contract a contact buzz, clearly not enough to stop her from running her tongue across his lower lip before pulling back. without her against him, morgan flopped down onto the bed making her nearly lose balance as she bounced. the girl looked down at him, sickeningly in love before sliding off the bed. her nimble fingers worked to properly undo his belt all the way so she could pull his ankles free from his jeans.

he grumbled into the mattress as she slunk up behind him, crawling over his messy state to straddle his back playfully. morgan might have been a pest that had woken her but her mood had lifted dramatically now that he was home. she felt his side twinge as her knee pressed against his ribs causing her to shift curiously so that she was no longer on top of him. unable to see clearly, all she could make out was a dark patch of skin making her her clench her jaws irritably. she had told him a hundred and one times not to spar with the others drunk. how hard had he been hit to be bruising this bad? if his rib was cracked they’d have to go to the ER which was not a bill she was looking forward to. “ morgan, how many times have i asked you not to get in fights down there when you’ve been drinkin’? ” she asked, finally sounding as tired as two am would demand. she leaned over, clicking the lamp beside their bed on so she could get a better look at him.

she’d expected to see black and blue, maybe even some blood that would make her wonder whether or not she should drive him to the hospital now or when he sobered in the morning. instead, she saw her name scrawled across his ribs, accompanied by a heart. feeling like a real girly girl, her eyes welled up. “ you big idiot, what’s this? ” her words might not have been friendly, but her tone was spoken with such reverence. he’d really done that for her?

he knew that she hadn’t been planning on jamming her knee into his newly tattooed side, which was why he didn’t react with anger, but with laughter, “tha’ hurt” he laughed drunknenly into the mattress, before turning over and looking at mara, who had gotten up to turn on the light. the annoyance in her voice was clear as day, causing the drunk male to look up at her with a grin. no matter how mad she’d become at his fighting at the club, he didn’t feel anything but love towards her in that moment.

“ta-daaaa?” he spoke gently as she asked what it was, “it was supposed ta be a surprise for tomorra” looking towards her, he couldn’t help but smile when seeing the tears in her eyes, “awe, come ‘ere” he reached his arms out towards her, pulling her into his lap and placing a light kiss against her shoulder, “i love you, and i always wannta have you close to me ‘eart, so i decided to get me first tattoo” he explained, a proud and drunken grin on his lips, “those happy tears, or sad tears?” he asked tentatively, as he wiped a stray tear away from her cheek. “you like, or no?” his muscular arms wrapped around her frame, as he looked her in the eye (to the best of his abilities as he was seeing double).

#morgan + mara

violencewrites

she hated seeing him like this, not the honest part- that was one of the few positives of this moment, but how conflicted he seemed. she hadn’t been trying to hurt him in any way, aleia was the type to play head games with people to evoke a reaction. she really hadn’t known. “ of course i don’t. ” she whined, shaking her head. aleia knew she had a bit of a reputation for falling fast, but even she didn’t become attached that quickly. “ he’s nice, but i’m not in love with him by any means. ”

she shrugged and came a little closer to test the waters. unsure if she was currently being seen as friend or foe. he didn’t look at her, but she kept her eyes trained on to him, wishing she knew how to dissect the little traces of emotion on his face. “ what to do you want me to do? ” she asked, dodging his words again. what good would they do either of them? they couldn’t be together and talking about it didn’t make that fact feel any better that was for sure. somehow the idea that he would want to be with her stung more than the thought that he didn’t.

before knowing, she’d been able to put it down to a hook up that had been left off a little one-sided. but now that she knew? it was going to be harder than ever to keep her distance. she went to reach for his hand but thought better of it, now taking her own chance to look away. “ if you want me to end it, i will, levi. i didn’t do any of this to hurt you. ”

levi was perfectly aware that their one night together, didn’t give him the right to react the way he was reacting, and always one to keep his emotions out of the game, this was so far out of his territory, it might as well be mars. the fact that she was telling him she wasn’t in love with the guy, helped ease his anger towards her, yet at the same time caused levi to grow angrier with himself, due to knowing he shouldn’t even have pulled her aside. he found himself doing things he shouldn’t be doing when it came to aleia, and it was fucking with his head.

seeing aleia approach from the corner of his eye, levi closed his eyes for a second, his anger beginning to show, “you can’t do anything. this is all on me. i shouldn’t have let things get this far” his words were shaky with anger towards himself, turning his head to face her as he made up his mind to tell her to live her life and he’d eventually get over his feelings towards her. but when his eyes finally took her in, the words wouldn’t come out. the sight of her overwhelming to the male, causing him to raise his hands to cover his face in frustration. frustration at the situation they were in. frustration towards the fact that she was on his roster of clients. frustration towards the world. when removing his hands from his face, he looked towards her as she looked away “please end it, aleia. i can’t stand seeing you with anyone else, and i know i’m being selfish, but...” he paused, closing the final distance between them with a single step, as he placed his hand on her cheek and forced her to look at him, “but i fucking care about you, and if i can’t have you then i don’t want anyone else to.” he shook his head, feeling the guilt from his selfishness in the pit of his stomach.

again silence filled the space between them, causing levi to breathe heavily as he looked down towards the redhead, fighting the magnetic force between them as he wanted most of all to lean down and let his lips touch hers.

#levi + aleia

violencewrites

mara had come in like an extra right out of the walking dead tonight and honestly, hadn’t given much of a thought about when morgan would be home. she knew it was a club night, which meant he’d more than likely be late. it had felt like the population of clearmont had doubled since summer had hit which meant business was booming on main street. which made her wallet pretty happy but her feet ached like the devil himself had stepped on her toes. she’d showered and thrown herself straight into bed by nine, only to have the rustling of the front door jar her awake. mara had never been a particularly deep sleeper, but since dating morgan she swore a feather dropping could wake her. maybe one day she’d feel at ease about the trouble the wolves seemed to stir up, but it certainly wasn’t tonight.

she laid awake for a long moment, listening to his footsteps that he imagined were quiet. when he opened the bedroom door, her eyes strained to see his frame in the dark. his breaths were loud and drunk, which made her smile a little. she didn’t know why. if her dad had come home like this, she was sure her momma would have hit the roof, but it just seemed so endearing when morgan did it. she rubbed her eyes, dislodging sleep in the corners before shifting up. her bones cracked a little as she arched in place, stretching out her limbs. she stayed quiet until he turned, not wanting to spook him. her curved lips stretched further up still at his slurred accent as she shifted out from under the covers to kneel at the edge of the bed. “ gimme a kiss first. ” she replied after a jaw-cracking yawn. she was past half awake now, and glad to have him home. “ you drunk, baby? ” her tone amused.

when realizing that mara was awake, the male closed his eyes for a second, mentally beating himself up about having woken her. looking towards her apologetically, he smiled awkwardly, with the moonlight as the only illumination in the room. with the alcohol in his system, he had felt he’d been as quiet as a mouse, when he’d sounded more like an elephant stomping through their small place.

for some reason it felt impossible to get his pants completely off, causing him to give up on undressing himself completely when the girl asked for a kiss. hobbling towards the edge of the bed with his pants around his ankles, morgan leaned forwards and placed his lips against hers, enjoying feeling her warmth against himself... that was until he fell to the side next to her on the bed, his right side completely exposed, revealing his tattoo, but too drunk to think twice about it, “’m not tha’ drunk” he mumbled into the mattress, his accent even more apparent in the state he was in.

he’d gotten the tattoo on the right side of his body, wanting to hold mara close to his heart at all times, but with alcohol leading the way, he’d decided the right side was the one closest to the heart, and the members of the mc had gotten a good laugh knowing he’d realize the next day, that the heart was indeed on the left side of the body.

#morgan + mara

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