she was at least wearing her own clothes now and not the hospital gown. flowing over her hands and sagging down to her thighs was her old Florida Gators sweater; that one top she had brought to live with her in New York that had her defending her favorite football team left and right. it was when she had pulled that sweatshirt over her frame that she realized how she had probably dropped about five to ten pounds on her already thin model shape. getting a closer look at her wrists, they were a bit tinier. it scared her. she covered them back up with her sleeves. what had she been doing all this time to not realize that she hadn’t been eating healthily? oh…well, the answer to that one was easy. she sat in her hospital bed, of which she had made herself that day, on top of the covers with her knees pulled in. when she heard the doorknob turned, she wondered if it was her friend the medical student. he had asked for her autograph. it was the first time she ever signed one. she considered hooking up with him. if she were truly heading to rehab then only god knew when the next time she would be able to ‘get it in’ would be. “hey…” she spoke flirtatiously, playfully even. she suddenly stopped in her tracks. it was ronnie. her face heated up with embarrassment. she didn’t want ronnie to see her in the hospital like this, and for this reason. it was apparent that ronnie looked down on her anyways. billie could feel her guard building up. that familiar guard that ronnie had broken through years before. now it stood against ronnie. “nurse!” billie called.
it was breaking her heart. ronnie felt like the heartbreak was just all around for her. but for obvious reasons, seeing billie sitting on that bed was worse than anything to do with deen. her best friend--- the girl she’d considered her sister, the only other half palestinian model she could have met. they bonded from the start, having more of a connection than veronica thought was even possible. this girl was her everything, and she abandoned that for the stupidest reasons, just let billie down completely. she was kicking herself for every mistake she’d made since the tape came out. she knew better, she should have been there for her, helped her, defended her. she wanted to just go over to the bed and take the willowly, delicate girl into her arms and apologize for everything she’d ever done to wrong her, or help deen. it was obvious that billie hadn’t been expecting her to be there--- amaka had probably been against telling billie anything about it. she knew how defensive the girl was about billie--- as defensive as ronnie should have been the whole time. she took a small step into the room, the girls cry immediately taking her by surprise, a pang of guilt coming to her chest. “billie, please...” she said softly, stepping towards the bed with one hand reaching out to her. “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry,” she continued, tears pricking at her eyes. “i never should have hurt you. i’m so sorry for doing this to you.”
