I just want to be comfortable in my own skin

18 y/o demigirl struggling with mental illness, eating disorders and a bunch of other mental and physical disabilities // TW // I do not condone eating disorders // profile pic is not me // (guys, gals and non-binary pals, I like u all)

[2103lovexx]

People don't realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place mentally. So, if you've done that today or any day, I'm proud of you.

[sss]

[theunbecomingofnovablair-deacti]

Therapists told me I’m doing my eating disorder for attention and that I’m basically a burden. Storytime

I went to therapy for the second time for my eating disorder specifically.

The old lady therapist said “Do you eat at school?”

I said, “sometimes, my friends will try and buy me food if they don’t see me eating, I tell them not too but they are just like that”

She then proceedes to tell me

“You friends shouldnt be buying food. Do you want to be known as the girl they always have to feed? Cause after awhile it’s going to get annoying.” She said this while my mother was in the room. I and my mother didn’t know what to say. Then the second therapist came in and the first left. She started going on how my friends shouldn’t be feeding me (as if I didn’t know this already) and how I need to eat myself. She was about to say something else but I started having a anxiety attack and wanted to leave the room. My mom sat next to me trying to calm me down however I was in flight mode and stood up, the therapist lady said I couldn’t leave and I told her I wanted air and she got close to me and it freaked me out more and I told her not to touch me. She then threatened to call a 51/50 on me and i sat down immediately. I was crying in my mother shoulder when she told my mother that I’m doing this for attention. I’ve never experienced anxiety attacks this bad before, so for her to invalidate me and say I was doing it for attention is absolutely disgusting. My mom and dad both know she was wrong, and out of line. They know I would never fake something this serious. She said i liked the attention my friends gave me when they were worried about me eating. She was the absolute worst eating disorder therapist and therapist in general I have ever in my life talked too. The first and second therapist invalidated me and basically called me a burden. I had already felt like such so it just worsensed. I hope in the future she will get her license revoked, and not be able to help another mentally ill person, or just person ever.

[thineats]

[nofckinglover]

[ihateiu]

[pointless-existancee]

Did anyone else go through a random recovery where your mental health just improved in general which allowed you to kick your ED mentality to the curb and see through body dysmorphia but then gained a decent amount of weight making you unhappy with your body and reverting back to ED habits even though you don’t have the same obsession anymore and now feel like you don’t really have an ED anymore because it’s not that bad you just have disordered eating and also kinda wish your mental health would just fuck up so you could at least go back to being a real Anorexic/bulimic ect. Because boy this feels shit and confusing and I really do feel like I’m faking it now.

[happyskinnybodies]

Wow, thought I was the only one

[weightlessneed]

W E I G H T L E S S N E E D 🥀🌿

Oversized jumpers with skirts

Stay Safe ❣️

[32-24-34-deactivated20190324]

being skinny means wearing super basic outfits that look normal on other ppl but you looking ethereal and modelesque in them

[thinbeans]

[trynabeskinnylegend]

Me: *binges*

Me: I am never eating again

Also me: *binges the next day*

[lost-skinny-mind]

💭Sick thought 💭

I hate it when people eat less than me

I feel as if my ed isn’t valid

[nervengxft]

[compulsive]

[inahiddenplace]

we need to stop having images of ourselves in our heads we need to destroy all mirrors and stop taking pictures !! stop existing outside of yourself ! your body is your hands and your feet it’s what you use to run and use to climb and it is you ! that’s it! to look yourself in your face.. what dissonance. cameras ARE witchcraft and mirrors ARE tools of the devil the oldies were right boys ! go back to being a child and eating mud. true freedom is found there. anyways i’ll go back to making sense next tuesday. 

[compulsive]

[cute-n-pastel]