She couldn't help the soft, pained snort that escaped her. Trust people? There were few she could say held that honor, and the biggest one had shifted beside her, his side inviting and warm as she took the hint and sunk into it for the comfort only Kinich could bring. She didn't trust. Not really, not since...
"I don't," she'd admit after a moment, closing her eyes. The burn of unshed tears made them ache, and crying wasn't something she particularly enjoyed doing, least of all where she could be seen. She was a Guardian, a warrior, born and raised and trained for more years than she could ever count. Fueled by anger and everything she'd lived through on top of her inability to rest, she wasn't someone any too in touch with herself and her emotions, let alone enjoyed sharing them where those she didn't trust could see... But this... This was a battle she was quickly losing, a hand slipping over to lay over his for a loose hold.
"Trust people... Since their deaths... I haven't. There were outliers, yes - Mydei. Ria. Khas... Phainon, I guess he likes to be called now... But I don't see them much. Their own duties keep them away, and mine... I didn't interact with people unless I had to. I fulfilled my orders, and I went back to the house."
House. Not home - Nothing had been a home for her until she'd met Kinich, and even then, that was found in him, not the building they lived in. There had been nothing inside it nor outside for her, for longer than she cared to remember... No sense of belonging. No sense of home. Nobody to trust aside from distant companions in their own fight and their own plans, and no interest in anyone else in the world.
Those like her could be trouble, and often had ulterior motives behind trying to get close to a Guardian, let alone a chimera, even before she'd learned the term for exactly what she was. They used, they schemed - if they were close to her, she'd never turn her blade on them if they tried to pull something behind her back... A sentiment she'd been quick to put a stop to. After what had happened with the clan... Honestly, it was hard to trust any of them, anyway.
And humans - To her, their lifespans were nothing more than the blink of an eye. Far too many times had she walked into a tavern and found an entirely new group of people, when to her, it had been their parents and ancestors she'd sat with not long prior. They didn't stick around, and were... Fragile, to say the least.
What had there been outside of her house to bother with aside from work? What was there to trust aside from that small group who understood?
"There wasn't a point to it. Most of them wouldn't be there long, and those that were often weren't worth the time to learn their names. All I'd had was the clan, until..." Until they'd died, her quiet trailing off seemed to say for her, and even then... She'd gone so long in her grief without realizing the mess they'd been, too. Family yet manipulators, lost yet willing to harm to find their path... The contradiction of it all with wild, even to her, but there was no denying they'd been the closest thing she'd had to a family, the memories prompting her hand to curl around his just a bit more.
It had taken her until recently to even realize the mess they'd put her in, even, the softest of sighs slipping free from her lips. Until she'd met Kinich, she'd never had reason to really think about it, after all, but now that she had... It'd re-opened old wounds that hadn't even really healed in the first place, and to his reminder to ignore Ajaw, she'd shake her head. "I can't. I can't 'ignore him', Kin. I used to be able to just get up and walk away from those who wanted the 'trouble' gone. I can't do that with him... And he knows where to hit to make it hurt. I'm sure... I'm sure Eris showed you what the clan dealt with?"
From Alden's leadership, words she'd swallow back down. Their very existence and way of being had caused trouble as well - She couldn't just blame Alden for everything, no matter how much, or how badly, she wanted to. There hadn't been many who accepted her kind, and whil she knew much of it was out of ignorance, there was no denying it still hurt to know that same way of thinking had followed them even through to Teyvat. Just when she'd thought she found somewhere to fit in, the past continue to nip and bite at her heels, determined to remove her from the sole happiness she had-
"...I won't lose you. I can't." Ral'd pause there, pulling in a slow, deep breath. "I finally find somewhere - Someone - that is willing to accept me... A mate, a home... And they still want me to lose it all, like I never deserved it in the first place... Fuck him, Kin. It's not just that t's Ajaw who said it, though it doesn't help. It's.. Everything."
