[IMAGE DESCRIPTION. Five affirmations in support of men and transmasculine people. Cursive font is displayed on textured backgrounds. The words read, “Being A Man Is Not Bad Or Inferior.” “Loving Men Is Not Bad Or Inferior.” "Trans Men Are Not Betraying Womanhood." “Gender Essentialism Silences Male Victims.” “Men Who Are Abused Deserve To Be Believed.” “Equal Rights Includes Men And Transmasculine People.” END DESCRIPTION.]
I am a trans man. I am making this post because I have struggled with being harassed by women, and not being believed when I have tried to confide in other, trusted women. I have lost friends. (There is a longer thread about that here.) I only encountered this specific kind of victim-blaming and silencing once I transitioned.
I have been told "men don't get abused" and "it's impossible for women to abuse men".
I have been told, by friends, that "all men are shit". These same friends identify as trans allies, and claim to support me in my identity... as a man.
Men under-report what happens to us, but studies have started to come out which paint a very scary picture about how common abuse against men is. We feel evil. We feel inherently unworthy of attention and care. We are told that we are trash. We are nothing, we are scum. We feel alone. And when we are abused, nobody should care, because we should've been stronger. We should've fought back.
As a trans man, I feel this in a very unique way. I see the comparison; how women used to treat me, versus how I am treated now. My perceived womanhood was valued. My manhood is degraded. Disrespected. Insulted. By people within the LGBT+ community.
I have worked to not be afraid of women. I have worked to trust women again, after everything women have done to hurt me. And still, I do not say that all women are bad. I do not say that I hate all women. Because I recognise that systemic issues and transmisandry do not give me permission to demonise a whole gender.
I am with you in the fight against misogyny. I am not your enemy. I grew up as a girl. I experienced misogyny. I was preyed upon by the same forces that I fight against on behalf of women.
Trans men, and transmasculine non-binary people, experience some of the worst health outcomes in developed nations. And yet still, statistics are disbelieved because transmasc people are considered inferior and not worth caring about, and when we fight back against invisibility, we're harassed for doing so.
Please stop saying that all men are trash. If you don't mean all of us, don't say all of us. Because when you say we're all inherently evil and wrong and sub-human, you're furthering the same rhetoric spread by TERFs. Please don't forget that.
If you want to hold misogynists accountable, hold them accountable. Say that all misogynists are trash. Distorting the rallying cry and generalising away from the sin of misogyny does nobody any favours. Especially trans men who do not pass, and still experience misogyny. Especially male victims who do not have the right to say "all women are trash", because that would be (rightfully) recognised as misogyny. Especially gay men who are forced into conversion therapy and taught that a love for men is disgusting, which conveniently fits into the idea that all men are disgusting anyway.
We should punish misogynistic men for being misogynists, not for being men.
Please don't do the work of TERFs for them. Please stop recycling hateful rhetoric.
In this article, in support of male victims, the following quote is offered:
"Compassion is not a finite resource".
I want innocent men to be supported. I do not want women to be supported less. Please do not see my desperation as a reason to attack or silence me.
