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@trashmouthrecords
Okay I was gone for a minute but I’m back now Sit the fuck back down Seem like everybody nowadays Hollywood!! Oh, it’s like that now? I'ma show you mothafuckas how to act now I'ma show ‘em how to act
Indie adult Richie Tozier, movie/tv/book inspired, OC friendly, penned by Lara, follows back from CupcakesMuses
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Coffee was sort of the last of the tame vices addicts could have. That didn’t mean it had to suck so badly. And Dan was asking. Richie didn’t know if this would lead to anything more… he told himself his one night stands were all behind him. But he needed some connection. Sex would’ve been a bonus but he wouldn’t get his hopes up.
“Yeah,” Richie said after a generous moment of thought. “Yeah that sounds great.” He smiled to Dan and kicked himself for not playing it cooler. But fuck it. Either he and Dan would really connect and Richie might follow him on Facebook or he’d never see him again. What could it possibly hurt?
Richie took a sip of the coffee anyway, then thought better of just chucking it in the trash and brought it with them as they left the group.
Truly, coffee was one vice he was allowed, and truth be told he probably had too much of it. But he'd quit smoking and having a coffee cup in his hand was better than itching for a cigarette he guessed.
Dan could see Richie's wheels turning. The truth was, Dan didn't know exactly what he was doing, just that he felt drawn to Richie and felt like they were meant to talk more. ❝Okay, good.❞ He said with a gentle laugh. ❝I was afraid you might leave me hanging.❞ He nodded toward the door.
The air was crisp outside, felt kinda good. ❝The coffee shop's just a few blocks this way.❞ He explained as he gently, briefly put one hand on Richie's shoulder to point him in the right direction. He looked up at him, realizing then that he was quite a bit taller than Dan was. Well, Dan wasn't very tall, but still. He actually did have to look up at Richie a little. ❝You're taller than I thought.❞ He commented.
The hand on the shoulder, that was a good sign. For once Richie didn't have much to say. Nothing crass or smart. Because Dan was so... overwhelming. Richie fight or flight seemed to be in a frenzy. Or something like it. Maybe not exactly that. He felt like he was back in the woods of Derry and looking at a compass that was just spinning. Couldn't land on a direction, no way, no how.
The hand on his shoulder felt like Bill. Richie followed him out of the church, like he would've followed Bill anywhere. Richie couldn't explain that either, no more than he could explain why it felt like Stan or Bev or Mike, too. Why Dan's height reminded him of Bill and Eddie and Bev. Why Dan's eyes reminded him of Mike and Bill and his frown like Ben.
He couldn't explain why he didn't feel on edge when Dan spoke of him being 'taller than he thought'. Thought when? Maybe when he was talking, but... that didn't seem right. And Dan didn't seem like a fan. The fans that always said that anyway. That was Richie's first thought, those fans that underestimated his height for some reason. But it didn't feel that way. It felt like home.
What the fuck was he talking about?
"Yeah--" Richie moved to take a hard swallow of the bad coffee. Just a little too hot to be doing so with. He ignored it. "I get that a lot." His voice was raspy for a moment before it neutralized again. "You lived here long? Seems small. Not that that's bad. I came from a small town, too. But it was... not great."
Richie paused, stopping on the sidewalk to turn and face Dan. It was stupid but suddenly he was feeling paranoid. Like talking too loud in a library. "Look, I've only got a few hours really. Like the night. I don't want to come on to strong, but could we skip the coffee? I have a motel room..." Richie implied, glancing to the coffee place across the street. It wasn't that Dan wasn't worth buying coffee for.... but he had the urge to tell him everything. And he didn't want to do that infront of even a few strangers.
He had remained on the ground, in the water, for far too long. As hungry as he felt, Eddie felt way more confused, and he needed to get his bearings. He needed to understand what was happening, or at least try to understand. Honestly though? How could he? Eddie remembered very clearly having been impaled, and tossed around like he was nothing. He could remember the pain that came from his wound, and he certainly could remember slipping away. They say the last thing a person loses as they die is their hearing, and he was pretty confident that was correct, because he could faintly remember hearing Richie's voice after everything else had gone. That didn't make sense, it was hard to grasp, but it stuck out to him.
And if all that were true, he shouldn't have been here now. So how was he?
When Eddie finally got up, he headed toward the closest road. Did he know where he was going? Not yet, but it would do some good to get back into the heart of town in order to get grounded. He knew the date of when he and the Losers had come back, so finding out the date right now seemed to be the smartest play.
The cement under his feet once he climbed up to the road was a comfort, and Eddie took a moment to just stand still and take in a breath. When he did, he could smell something. Except something inside him was telling him it was someone. How did that make sense?
His eyes moved to stare down the direction of where he knew the smell was coming from, and way in the distance he could see someone. And it looked like they were coming toward him. Without thinking too much about it, as if instinct were leading him, Eddie started walking toward the person, squinting just a bit to try to make out any details. Honestly, he probably shouldn't have been able to see someone from that far away, anyway.
"Hey, hello?" he called out, determined to make contact. There was something inside him that needed it. As he moved closer his eyes adjusted quickly, picking up more and more details before it all became clear, and Eddie stopped in his tracks. "Rich?"
"Eddie?" It was nearly a whisper. Richie didn't even have his headlamp on. But he knew it. He knew. This was the beam-- the path, this road... He stumbled practically, his legs feeling like jelly, tripping forward as if something else other than his own mind and body were imploring him to do so. Then a jog, then an outright run. He didn't even realize he'd kept saying Eddie's name.
Then shouting it until he was close enough to get a better look at him. That dumb, stupid, clueless face. He felt his chest heave and he reached out, grabbing Eddie around the shoulders, hugging him fiercely and not much caring that Eddie smelled. And he smelled. But at least Eddie had an excuse. Rich was just.... breaking, not taking care of himself. His beard had grown in, not just the usual five o'clock shadow because shaving too close irritated his skin. He didn't like having too much of a beard, it was just as annoying.
But there were bigger things at stake.
"Eddie," Richie was crying, holding Eddie tightly and almost too afraid to let him go. But he had to check. He had to make sure it was really him, dammit and not the clown and not a zombie or something else...
He held Eddie at arm's length looking for any sign of otherness. Of something wrong.
"I need you to be real. Okay?" He barely knew what he was saying. It was stupid, but if this was a dream or the fucking clown, what did it matter?
@fxndomadventures sent from Eddie
" i... i don't care what happens to me. i didn't care what happened at all. but then you started yelling, and now... now i realize that i care quite a lot about what might happen to you. "
"You know sometimes I think that yelling at you is the only way to get anything through that thick fucking skull of yours! I was scared to fucking death! I care what happens to you, Eds, okay? I care a fucking lot--" Richie stopped himself from saying more. Saying things he still couldn't let himself say. Eddie was married. Whether Eddie loved her or not wasn't the question. He was married. And Richie might have been a lot of fucking awful things, but he would never be That Guy intentionally.
"We all care, Eddie." Rich took a breath, lowering his tone. If he yelled anymore one of them would start crying, he knew it.
"So if nothing fucking else... think about how hurt we were hearing about Stan. Something happened to him. That he did to himself. I can't do that shit again."
@fxndomadventures sent from Eddie
“ shut the fuck up and sit down. you’re bleeding. ”
"What?" Richie looked down at his body, his arms. Whatever happened he was sure it was just small, Eddie over reacting as he was known to do. He sat down. Eddie would feel better getting to play doctor with him.
"Where? Seriously, dude, how the fuck did you turn out to be an insurance bitch and not a kick ass doctor?" He shook his head, tilting it curiously, "Freak out at a dead body? Like, even subconsciously, I think we'd know we'd seen worse."
“Oh, no, just passing through.” Richie said, glancing around as if anxious someone might notice him, recognize him. That usually happened after a meeting. An apology and “I never do this” or “I won’t say anything”. Once someone asked for a selfie. It made Richie want to leave and never come back. Head to the nearest bar.
“I travel for work a lot, so…” Richie shrugged and smiled a bit. He didn’t want to go into it, but Danny seemed nice. And there was an undeniable draw Richie had towards him. He didn’t think he was mistaking it for anything…
“How long has it been for you?” Richie asked, taking a sip of his coffee. Then turning and adding more sugar to it than seemed necessary. He had to do something to not look at Dan for a moment. Richie liked him… but it felt like Dan could see right through him. Something he hadn’t felt with anyone… except the Losers. Richie wanted to simultaneously run away and take Dan to bed. It was extreme. And it made him more uncomfortable than he’d been in a long while.
❝I see. Have to catch a meeting when and where you can then I guess.❞ Dan said, watching how skittish Richie was. Being in a new place, trying to open yourself up to strangers, that was never easy.
Dan looked down at his cup when the subject came back to him. It was his turn to avoid eye contact. He'd never been so good at talking about himself, despite speaking up in AA often. ❝Getting close to 10 years. Hard to believe.❞ He laughed gently, feeling old at the thought that it had been a decade. God. ❝Hit rock bottom when I was in my thirties and have been climbing my way up every day since.❞
He watched with amusement as Richie added a bunch of sugar to the coffee to try and mask the burnt taste. He hesitated, but finally asked. ❝Not sure if you're on a tight schedule with the travel, but ... would you like to grab a good cup of coffee?❞
Coffee was sort of the last of the tame vices addicts could have. That didn’t mean it had to suck so badly. And Dan was asking. Richie didn’t know if this would lead to anything more… he told himself his one night stands were all behind him. But he needed some connection. Sex would’ve been a bonus but he wouldn’t get his hopes up.
“Yeah,” Richie said after a generous moment of thought. “Yeah that sounds great.” He smiled to Dan and kicked himself for not playing it cooler. But fuck it. Either he and Dan would really connect and Richie might follow him on Facebook or he’d never see him again. What could it possibly hurt?
Richie took a sip of the coffee anyway, then thought better of just chucking it in the trash and brought it with them as they left the group.
Holidays are tough. I won’t be able to scroll thru dash but I wanted to check in on my people here, especially my Eddie’s. If y’all need to talk Dm me and hopefully tumblr will stop being an ass and send me notifs instead of randomly turning them off🙃
I love you guys
@infernalrampage LIKED for a starter...
"Here we go..." Maggie placed the handmade but very professional looking if she said so herself book in front of Beverly on the kitchen table. Warm cream printer paper bound by a shiny black plastic spine with rectangular punches along the edge. She opened the first page, past the "Tozier Family Recipes (collected by Margret Tozier 1989)" printed from Went's office on the new dot matrix printer, showing Bev the measurements guide. The 'book' crinkled with newness, the spine adjusting to lay flat.
"I even included helpful tips, units, measurements, substitutions, and all of that stuff we forget so easily when there's egg all over our hands, you know?" Maggie chuckled lightly, then pointed to the tabs she'd placed on the sides, her own handwriting in neat cursive. "Table of contents, quick references and categories. Not too bad, hmm?"
Maggie liked Beverly. And she liked that Beverly was Richie's friend. Even if they weren't dating, and even if Richie claimed she was 'just one of the guys', Maggie knew how much he cared about Beverly. Maggie had been disapproving at first, but Beverly was so respectful and soft spoken around her and Went, Maggie couldn't imagine that any rumors Sonia had told her could be true. If anything, Maggie worried over Beverly, knowing who her parents were. Elfrida had been lovely, though Maggie didn't know her well and she had died tragically before Richie began to pal around with Beverly. Alvin... Well, Went had never gotten along with him. Even back in school on the basketball team.
Maggie sat at the table. She knew she wouldn't have many more moments like this with Beverly again. If any. Alvin was in the hospital. Richie had asked if it was okay for Beverly to stay the night, maybe a few days. Something had happened, he said, at Beverly's house. Something bad. Went had seethed so badly he had scared Richie, "I knew it! He put hands on that little girl. His little girl!" And Richie had said she fought back. Maggie couldn't imagine. It was too awful to imagine.
"Portland is less than two hours away. If your aunt is open to it, you could come camping with us during the summer. I'm sure there's nice parks and beaches to enjoy."
@ofmaine LIKED for a starter for Rebecca...
"Okay, steady, sweetheart... You're doing great. Just relax and keep the wheel straight..."
Wentworth moved from holding both handlebars to just the one so he didn't have to lean over his youngest. She really was doing just fine. He jogged at a steady pace next to her before letting go of the handlebar completely so she could ride on her own. She could do it. Richie had told him he'd been showing her how a little, but she'd gotten a bit too scared. Obviously, Richie said, she's still too little and this is a dad's job. So here was Went, doing his Dad job today while Richie was off with his pals at the movies. Shame, as it was such a nice day.
"Keep pedaling! You're doing it!"
@sewer-boat LIKED for a starter from Maggie
…
Maggie couldn’t blame Sharon for not wanting to let her youngest leave the house again. It was terrible, and the whole town was on alert. But things were terrible everywhere. Not just in Derry, Went would remind her. Lately, Maggie would start drifting off, doing the dishes or having a smoke. It seemed worse lately. These kids disappearing…
So Zack was at work and Sharon had to take Bill to see Wentworth for an annual dentist appointment. Sharon had nearly canceled not being able to get their usual babysitter. But Sharon was a little hesitant to hire a teen at the moment. Maggie had volunteered. Sharon and Zack needed all the help they could get. Thank God little Georgie was found, even if not entirely well. He seemed the same little boy he’d always been, but Maggie knew he had to have nightmares. No one could come out of that unscathed.
“Georgie, what do you want to do today?” Maggie smiled to the sweet little boy, who she only ever remembered being happy and hanging on Bill whenever they were together. Her eyes behind contacts couldn’t help but glance at his missing arm. Poor dear. She promised Sharon he wouldn’t be out of her sight for a second.
"I.... don't actually know..." The sweet boy hummed before softening "Ms tozier....c-can I be hounest with you....can it stay between us..... please?" He gives her the puppy eyes
"You should always be honest, Georgie." Maggie reminded him. But why he would want something to stay between them... It was usually just children wanting a secret, something special. Harmless. But there was a growing sensation of dread. Georgie had been through something horrible...
"Come over here," Maggie said, motioning to the couch and sat down, smiling gently and patting the seat. "Tell Miss Maggie what's wrong."
But he hadn't said anything was wrong. Just a secret he wanted to tell. Something he didn't want his parents to know.
Because I’m obsessed with my own versions of Maggie and Went LIKE/Reblog/Reply for a starter from one of them. Or both. Specify or DM to plot. 🎈🎈🎈🎈
Getting to these tonight or tomorrow
Specify who you want or I’m choosing. (It’s probably gonna be Maggie cuz reasons)
@sewer-boat LIKED for a starter from Maggie
…
Maggie couldn’t blame Sharon for not wanting to let her youngest leave the house again. It was terrible, and the whole town was on alert. But things were terrible everywhere. Not just in Derry, Went would remind her. Lately, Maggie would start drifting off, doing the dishes or having a smoke. It seemed worse lately. These kids disappearing…
So Zack was at work and Sharon had to take Bill to see Wentworth for an annual dentist appointment. Sharon had nearly canceled not being able to get their usual babysitter. But Sharon was a little hesitant to hire a teen at the moment. Maggie had volunteered. Sharon and Zack needed all the help they could get. Thank God little Georgie was found, even if not entirely well. He seemed the same little boy he’d always been, but Maggie knew he had to have nightmares. No one could come out of that unscathed.
“Georgie, what do you want to do today?” Maggie smiled to the sweet little boy, who she only ever remembered being happy and hanging on Bill whenever they were together. Her eyes behind contacts couldn’t help but glance at his missing arm. Poor dear. She promised Sharon he wouldn’t be out of her sight for a second.
Because I’m obsessed with my own versions of Maggie and Went LIKE/Reblog/Reply for a starter from one of them. Or both. Specify or DM to plot. 🎈🎈🎈🎈
[ cont from here with @scribedhorror ]
Richie had been spiraling. There was no better word for it. Drinking more ever since Eddie and Stan's death. Things should have been better, and for the rest of that summer they had been okay, even looking up. But by the time December rolled around and Richie's management was up his ass about ending his 'vacation' and getting more material out there and booking dates again... Richie had realized his 'vacation' and 'self realization' was just avoidance. He barely spoke to anyone apart from the Losers, who were all doing well and thriving even. Ben and Bev off somewhere new, adopting a dog. Mike meeting someone on a cruise.
Richie never had anything of significance to report. Just 'taking time for himself' or 'still figuring things out'. Always a funny reaction gif or one liner in the group text to photos of their glorious sunsets or exotic locals.
In the fall he had started seeking Bill out just to be with him. Have a few beers and shoot the shit. It reminded him of when they were kids, the comforting presence Big Bill brought with him, the safety of him. Even after Georgie's death. There was a reason they all followed him.
And maybe that's what was chewing Richie up so bad. Ben, Bev and Mike doing their own things and having a great time, while Richie's lost love was gone, his other best friend gone. Stan had lived right next door. If not for Stan, Richie wouldn't have gone back. He wouldn't have put that fucking axe in Bower's head. Mike would've died. How could he have forgotten Stan's last name at the restaurant? How could Richie have let Eddie die saving him?
Richie was a bit drunk now. Just enough to be brave about kissing Bill hard and saying things like that, that otherwise he might have found embarrassing. Surprisingly Trashmouth Tozier didn't say much during sex. And as the temperature in Beverly Hills dropped during the night in the winter months, the shift had happened and Richie can't remember when either. He'd probably been a little more drunk than Bill. He usually did. He was drunk enough to be brave.
"I love you, Bill." Richie said it and he meant it. He'd always loved Bill before any of the other Losers, come to think of it. But he loved them all. He would've died for any of them. But he hadn't the chance to. He moved one hand to cup Bill's cheek, kissing him again, the other snaked down to Bill's pants cupping between his legs, his fingers and thumb feeling for reassurance that he was doing things right. Richie's mouth dived for Bill's ear, kissing and biting gently.
"Tell me what you want."
Oh no I hate being right!!!
Spoilers for Welcome to Derry episode 7 “The Black Spot” under the cut…
Richie moved back to his seat after his small speech, his walk slowing for a moment as he... felt something. He didn't understand it and didn't fully hear it. Brave. It was a fleeting feeling, a odd sentiment to have, he thought. But he didn't realize it wasn't his own. You're braver than you think, he thought to himself. Some of his last words to Eddie. Maybe if he hadn't said them, Eddie would've hid and survived. Or maybe he would have died needlessly and Richie right along with him.
Richie half listened to the others, a little too in his own thoughts, debating endlessly on if talking about Eddie and Stan was a smart idea or not. No, he needed to. He could never be entirely truthful at these meetings. At least not now. He had to try as much as he could.
He clapped at the end, nearly missing the cue, and when it was over he headed to get coffee. The blond guy that reminded him of Ben spoke up.
"I figure if the coffee's good, the world's over and we can all start drinking again." Richie joked, lifting his eyebrows and pouring himself a cup anyway. Stupid handsome like Ben too. Richie could only try not to make too much of a fool of himself. He looked at Dan for maybe a moment too long, then shook his head. "Sorry. You look like a friend of mine. Kinda. In a good way. Just--" Except that wasn't the entire reason why his thoughts were lingering with Danny. There was something about him. Something Richie couldn't exactly see. He stuck out his free hand.
"Sorry-- I'm Richie."
Dan gave a tiny snort at the joke, grabbing a styrofoam cup for himself despite it and pouring in the lousy coffee.
His eyes lifted again when Richie mentioned he looked like a friend. He heard things like that sometimes from people, that he “looked familiar”. He supposed it had something to do with the shine. Maybe a way for them to make sense of why they felt the comfort that Dan often tried to extend — like a nice lingering pat on the back or a warm good cup of coffee.
❝You don’t have to apologize.❞ Dan smiled, genuine and a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. This man’s thoughts were loud. He tried not to pry into people’s minds without their permission, but this man’s thoughts were kind of coming at him anyway. Part of them anyway. Other parts were tucked away behind a very, very solid wall. Almost as if he were doing it on purpose. Perhaps he was.
Dan extended his free hand too, gripping Richie’s in a firm handshake. ❝I’m Dan.❞ He said. ❝You’re not from around here, are you, Richie? What brings you to Frazier?❞
“Oh, no, just passing through.” Richie said, glancing around as if anxious someone might notice him, recognize him. That usually happened after a meeting. An apology and “I never do this” or “I won’t say anything”. Once someone asked for a selfie. It made Richie want to leave and never come back. Head to the nearest bar.
“I travel for work a lot, so…” Richie shrugged and smiled a bit. He didn’t want to go into it, but Danny seemed nice. And there was an undeniable draw Richie had towards him. He didn’t think he was mistaking it for anything…
“How long has it been for you?” Richie asked, taking a sip of his coffee. Then turning and adding more sugar to it than seemed necessary. He had to do something to not look at Dan for a moment. Richie liked him… but it felt like Dan could see right through him. Something he hadn’t felt with anyone… except the Losers. Richie wanted to simultaneously run away and take Dan to bed. It was extreme. And it made him more uncomfortable than he’d been in a long while.
The moment that Richie walked into the room, Dan noticed him. It wasn't just because he was new. Frazier was small, but that wasn't too odd. Sometimes people needed one meeting, or sometimes they fell off. It wasn't because of his career either (comedy ... ah, maybe he had seen him before but that wasn't it either.) There was always something about people who had experienced trauma, and always something more about people who has seen things that other people just hadn't.
When Richie's eyes fell on him, Dan realized that he was feeling the same thing. He listened to Richie carefully, sensing how difficult that had been on him, extending as much comfort as he could manage from a distance. That was very brave. He thought toward Richie, but didn't say out loud.
Once the meeting had wrapped up, Dan lingered near the "refreshment" table, like he often did to talk to people or help clean up. He knew that he would end up speaking with Richie from the moment he'd seen him, so he wasn't surprised when he looked to his left and saw him.
❝Coffee's not that good.❞ Dan warned him, the corner of his mouth lifting into a smile.
Richie moved back to his seat after his small speech, his walk slowing for a moment as he... felt something. He didn't understand it and didn't fully hear it. Brave. It was a fleeting feeling, a odd sentiment to have, he thought. But he didn't realize it wasn't his own. You're braver than you think, he thought to himself. Some of his last words to Eddie. Maybe if he hadn't said them, Eddie would've hid and survived. Or maybe he would have died needlessly and Richie right along with him.
Richie half listened to the others, a little too in his own thoughts, debating endlessly on if talking about Eddie and Stan was a smart idea or not. No, he needed to. He could never be entirely truthful at these meetings. At least not now. He had to try as much as he could.
He clapped at the end, nearly missing the cue, and when it was over he headed to get coffee. The blond guy that reminded him of Ben spoke up.
"I figure if the coffee's good, the world's over and we can all start drinking again." Richie joked, lifting his eyebrows and pouring himself a cup anyway. Stupid handsome like Ben too. Richie could only try not to make too much of a fool of himself. He looked at Dan for maybe a moment too long, then shook his head. "Sorry. You look like a friend of mine. Kinda. In a good way. Just--" Except that wasn't the entire reason why his thoughts were lingering with Danny. There was something about him. Something Richie couldn't exactly see. He stuck out his free hand.
"Sorry-- I'm Richie."
