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@tucsonhorseunmasking
I always thought I didn't have trouble with black and white thinking. I know my brain will try to move into that sort of thinking and I've learned to counter act that and developed strategies to get around it.
Then I realize that I basically can't disagree with my friends because my brain can't handle the idea of both agreeing and disagreeing with someone, it has to be "always right" or "always wrong". And that's when I remember that I can't just think my way out of having autism.
I was doing one of those shame-spirals where I remember all the times I did/said something stupid and socially awkward.
Then I realized that I'm not remembering all the times I've been socially awkward, cause I know there are way more times than those, I'm remembering the times that people responded with judgement and cruelty.
The problem isn't me, it never was. The problem was the cruel responses of other people when I made a mistake.
MAY ALL YOUR OBSTACLES COLLAPSE IN THE YEAR TO COME LIKE UNTO A GIANT STRAW GOAT IN THE WIND
a lot of stuff happened but i'm choosing to remember 2025 as the year i found out people with green eyes exist irl
couple things:
yes i spent my entire life until a few months ago assuming green eyes were an urban legend
"what about all the fictional characters with green eyes" thought it was a trope like with anime protagonists having naturally purple hair
i found out by watching Desperate Housewives (one of the actors has green eyes and it threw me off)
(i had never watched Desperate Housewives until that point bc i assumed it was reality tv, of the same genre as Real Housewives Of Metropolitan Areas franchise)
i still haven't seen green eyes irl, i am simply aware now that they actually exist
"have you really never met a person with green eyes." i didn't say that. it's possible I've met dozens. my autistic ass has spent decades elevating eye contact avoidance to a sublime art form.
did more research and now I'm sort of leaning back to my original stance that green eyes don't actually exist? people say "green" but all i'm seeing is eyes that are blue-and-brown. can i get some example photos so i know what we're talking about???
I assume this is what people think of when they imagine green eyes. Whether they look green or not is mostly a lighting thing from what I've seen. I have gray eyes that can look green in the right light.
Green eyes are also the rarest eye color period, so I don't actually blame you for not knowing they existed at all.
these are just blue with brown/yellow mixed in? i have those type of eyes, i assume they're pretty common. definitely less rare than people with 100% blue eyes with no mix-ins
blue with yellow mixed in
and what do you get when you mix blue and yellow
ok listen
I have blue eyes and most people I know whose eyes I've actually looked closely at have blue eyes (I am also autistic and mostly try to avoid eye contact so it's not like it's a LOT of people) and they're all just blue, no brown/yellow mixed in.
Lots of people will call green eyes "hazel" eyes, and I had a friend in highschool with hazel eyes, which are that sort of blue with brown mixed in. They really do look different colors depending on lighting and angle, and are distinctly different from blue or brown eyes.
On Saturday I asked my boss to leave early this Tuesday for a funeral, I even made a point of finding someone to cover my shift before I asked. She said yes but first snarked at me about "equitability" of time spent on the service desk and how she'll use me to fill the next gap, as if that's some sort of threat.
I was pissed, I don't know what other reaction she would expect, but my brain just WILL NOT let go of it. I thought I had figured out that's because it's like she's accusing me of not working hard enough when in reality I'm working twice as hard as basically all of the other people in my department, which she knows I do and has literally had conversations with me about not pushing too hard and burning out. But my brain still won't let it go.
Now I just looked at my calendar and realized that I work 4 Saturdays in a row (my job position includes 1 Saturday a month on the service desk, plus then I have programs I'm running), then I get TWO off in a row, before working at least another 3. I also regularly work at least one extra evening a week and often have 2 programs per week, whereas the coworkers in my department have *maybe* one program a week, some having no more than 1 per month *if that*. I am working really fucking hard and feel like there is absolutely no acknowledgement or recognition of that from anyone else, and I think that's what my brain is trying to tell me (on top of just being autistic and getting stuck on a perceived injustice).
I just saw a post about small talk and it got me thinking. The actual post was already a dumpster fire so I'm making my own post.
The post started out with basically "small talk matters and people who hate it are actually just boring jerks who don't want people to know."
There were various comments back and forth about how usually people who hate small talk are neurodivergent/have a mental disability, and someone saying yeah but you just have to learn the scripts, it's not that hard and it matters. And I'm gonna try not to argue against those in this post.
The thing about small talk is that it does serve the function of basically sending the signal "I acknowledge you as a person and my intentions are friendly" but, and this is a big but, it is also used to signal that you are part of someone's in-group. Exchanging small talk in the "correct" way indicates that you are a member of the same social class/circle, and doing it wrong has major social consequences.
And THAT is why I hate small talk. I know the scripts and the things to ask about. I can usually come up with some sort of funny anecdote. But it doesn't matter how well I act, neurotypicals recognize that I am not one of them and react negatively.
I don't want to "make small talk" like a couple of business office professionals who are carefully saying the correct phrases to reassure each other that they're on the same social level and associating them won't damage their social standing.
I want to actually get to know people by expressing genuine interest, even in surface level things. I want to tell someone that I like the rainy weather because it makes me think of picking worms off the sidewalk as a kid. I want to compliment the unusual jewelry they're wearing and ask where they got it because I bet there's a story there. I want to ask if they have any kids and hear about their child's insistence on being a dinosaur riding cowboy for halloween.
Because those things are NOT small talk, they're real talk. Small talk is "quite the weather we're having" with a reply of "it's hot but we'll be missing this heat when it's below zero this winter". Small talk is exchanging code phrases to establish that you have both learned the right ones to be acceptable and it doesn't actually mean anything.
The opposite of small talk isn't talking about deeply private things, it's talking about real things, no matter how close to the surface those things are.
When I was a kid I would throw*horrible* tantrums. I now recognize that they were probably meltdowns, at least most of them, from overstimulation and demand avoidance symptoms.
My dad worked full time and my mom was a stay at home mom. I have always adored my dad and when I was a kid I eagerly waited for him to get home every day. But some days when I had tantrums he would leave the house again almost immediately. And my mom would say "look what you did, you drove your dad away"
I think about that sometimes and I suspect that fucked me up a lot more than I realized
Damn, this post came back up in my notifications and what do you know? I just recently had a really nasty meltdown/panic attack because these memories were triggered.
Even good parents can seriously fuck you up
In order to not do something ill-advised and interact with someone who will just be a bitch, I have some things to say.
Self-diagnosis is valid. Autistics know ourselves best and understand autism best.
The medical model of disability is absolute bullshit. My neurotype isn't a disease to be cured. (I cast no shade on people who wish they could change their neurotype because of how difficult it makes their life)
Autism Speaks is a disgusting hate group that no autistic should support.
Neurodivergent is not a euphemism, it is a category that includes autism and adhd.
Some autistics absolutely have emotional empathy. Many others are able to learn cognitive empathy. Not all have either and some cannot learn cognitive empathy. Neither way of being is bad.
Autism rates are absolutely rising because of improved diagnosis and understanding of autism. We have always been here, it is just that until recently society considered us "strange", "eclectic", "dumb", or any number of other vague terms.
No one gets to tell others to "not discourse" on their posts and then punish people when they do that (whatever the fuck that even means). Tumblr is a site where people interact with other people's posts, if you don't want a specific type of interaction on your posts you can block people or turn off reblogs/comments on your posts.
Is "discourse" means discussion or disagreement and you are demanding people not do it, then I am judging you very strongly.
Refusing to have discussion with people you disagree with is not a morally superior stance, nor is having discussion with people you disagree with. Telling people they are not allowed to state their disagreement with your posts or state their agreement in a way you don't like is absolutely shitty morals and I judge you harshly for it.
I can't do much but maybe this will interest someone. This cookbook is by a classically trained autistic chef, made for people with sensory issues. It's sold 1/6th of its initial run because apparently no one wants to have an autistic person interviewed on TV.
Apparently it's also very funny.
An accessible family cookbook that offers solutions rather than tricks to empower the food-averse, autistic, and picky eater, with 46 recipe
Spread this around! I bet someone here can use this.
More info from the link:
"An accessible family cookbook that offers solutions rather than tricks to empower the food-averse, autistic, and picky eater, with 46 recipes. This much-needed cookbook combines tips and techniques with a dash of understanding about food aversion and how to help your kids—and yourself—cook beautiful meals in an empowering way, and is a groundbreaking resource for anyone who has ever been called “picky” or “discerning.” Learn how to alter the texture or taste profile of a dish, or even fit it within a specific palette with a unique color-coded guide. Delicious, nutritious, and easily tailored recipes (including for gluten-free and vegan eaters) include:
the perfect smashed cheeseburger
Italian sausage and potato soup
the best omelet
stuffed focaccia
chocolate pinwheels
and dozens more
Professional chef Matthew Broberg-Moffitt’s advice is broken down by category (The Five Tastes, Texture, Color, Aroma, Presentation, and Plating) in order to address each and every aspect of food aversion, and a Food Preference Profile and Worksheet is included for you and your child to quickly identify and summarize their preferences. Instead of leading to mistrust by disguising or slipping in foods your kids don’t want to eat, this cookbook supports caretakers in a way that maintains a healthy relationship with food, and a joyful, less stressful experience around the table."
neat!
This looks so useful, I would think parents would just leap on it if they knew it existed. Thanks for the rec! I'll pass it on.
Holy shit this looks like exactly the sort of cookbook I've been wishing for! I'm totally ordering this asap, I'm really excited!
what happened to joy. what happened to whimsy. what happened to frolicking in the woods. what happened to being evil. what happened to being a freak. what happened to being weird #bringbackwhimsy
I beta read a story once where one of the main characters was a youtuber whose channel was literally him showing and talking step by step through doing normal tasks. It was geared towards autistics (the character was also autistic) and there's a bit in the story where he's making a video on how to ride the bus.
Like the first thing I did was message the writer and be like "is this based on a real youtuber?? Please tell me this exists!" Sadly it does not (as far as either of us knows), but we agreed it would be amazing.
I think of this every time I try a new thing and every time I have the thought "I could do that, I could make videos of how to do things that are normal for me and new things I try."
Maybe someday I will. Today I'm making tofu for the first time instead.
I can be shaped by more than the things that hurt me
I think one of the most emotionally difficult parts for me of being a high masking/late diagnosed autistic is that I identify with stuff like this while having had what from the outside would look like a normal childhood and genuinely have great parents/family.
I didn't experience any big trauma, no abuse, no real hardship. Which is a good thing! But I do have lingering symptoms of trauma, I missed things from a normal childhood, the world feels hostile and like that box of spikes, and it feels like I have no right to those things.
I remind myself that simply existing as an autistic person in our world built for allistics is traumatic. Our society is literally hostile to my existence and the existence of others like me.
But I have many privileges in my life and my brain tells me that means I have no right to be anything but content.
Masks 🎭
Watching a tv show and there's an autistic side character who is...just himself. He isn't masking (or if he is it's to avoid meltdown, not to appear allistic). He interacts with his special interest in a way that is clearly an important part of his life, he seems comfortable and confident in who he is, even when he doesn't seem comfortable with the world around him and is noticeably anxious.
And I want that. I want that so bad. I want to learn to stop masking. I want to find out who I am.
Hey, welcome to the ancient board game fandom. We've got "game speculatively reconstructed from surviving boards and playing-pieces which we're only about 60% sure actually go together", "game known from a single extant description whose various contradictions and omissions strongly suggest that whoever wrote it had never played the game they're describing", and "game which has weak evidence for being roughly two thousand years old but might also have been invented whole-cloth in the 19th Century". Enjoy your arguments!
"Game we have various fragments of rules spanning a thousand years which put together amount to a full ruleset that doesn't work."
And the worst part is that we'll never be 100% sure whether the reason it doesn't work is because we've reconstructed it wrong, or because sometimes popular games just suck.
I think my favourites are the ones which are extensively documented in theory, but they were part of a broad family of similar games, and all of the various detailed descriptions of their rules only address the ways in which they differ from other games of the type; meanwhile, no general description of the family of games to which they belong has survived, having never been written down because who the fuck doesn't know what hnefatafl is?
Hnefatafl sucks. I hate it. It is the worst and it should have been left in history where it belongs!
Give me the Game of Goose or Fortune House any day, but keep your damn hnefatafl to yourself.
I don’t usually reblog TikToks but man it is genuinely refreshing to see genuine normal working-class London on my dash, like I know this is half of Tumblr’s definition of “British” as a whole (except this site also often seems to forget we’re not all white) but nah this is proper London ends, this is the speech and mannerisms born from multicultural working-class solidarity and community and it’s so damn rare to see us accurately represented round here
Let the man have Greggs in PEACE
incredible how you can hear his accent without even unmuting the video
Norway fuel giant 'refuses to fill US submarines' after Trump-Zelensky clash | World | News | Express.co.uk
Norwegian petroleum giant Haltbakk Bunkers has declared it will no longer help the US Navy.
A petrol giant in Norway has announced a ban on fuel sales to all US forces following Donald Trump's treatment of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky at the White House, it has been reported.
Norwegian firm Haltbakk Bunkers announced it will stop providing fuel to all American forces in Norway as it declared "No fuel to Americans!". The firm posted on social media to declare its support for Zelensky as it dealt a hammer blow to US President Trump following the heated spat televised from the Oval Office.
It said: "We have today been witnesses to the biggest s***how ever presented "live on tv" by the current American president and his vice president. Huge credit to the president of Ukraine restraining himself and for keeping calm even though USA put on a backstabbing tv show. It made us sick. Short and sweet. As a result, we have decided to immediate STOP as fuel provider to American forces in Norway and their ships calling Norwegian ports.
"No Fuel to Americans! We encourage all Norwegians and Europeans to follow our example. SLAVA UKRAINA"
Owner of the firm Gunnar Gran has told Norwegian maritime news site Kystens Næringsliv that 'not a litre of fuel' will be delivered 'until Trump is finished'.
