welcome y'all

mosey on down to the cool kids town

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MBTI as things I’ve heard them say

entj-it was so hard being gay when I was young…. not like I would know anything about that

estj-well maybe you should have considered that nobody cares about you

intj-I SWEAR I HEARD THE FROGS WERE SINGING

istj-I’m not being a jerk! Is it such a crime to tell people that they suck?

enfj-I don’t like you because you’re ugly

esfj-*crying* THIS DOG IS SO CUTE I WOULD SHOOT MYSELF FOR HIM

infj-*passing by a car crash* haha

isfj-the plans already formed. you cant have a plan abortion. i need to carry out the plan pregnancy. we’re driving to canada and never coming back.

esfp-*sobbing* I can’t believe my boyfriend broke up with me! i loved him so mu-ooo is that guy single?

estp-well it’s not my fault that you’re stupid and ugly and have no friends, I just thought I should let you know

enfp-awwwww look at the little baby *that dog killed my neighbors cat* but he’s just a little baby

isfp-that’s an interesting opinion, but let’s center ourselves back to reality

intp-i went to a survival simulator and defused a bomb with perfectly steady hands yet I still can’t talk to a girl without getting sweaty

istp- I love my chemical romance more than words can express. I’d sell my soul for a lock of frank ieros hair

infp-here, I made you a cheeseburger *how did u know I was hungry before I even got here* I’m a superhero

entp-can you believe that school doesn’t come easy to some people? like they actually have to try to get perfect grades lmao

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zodiacs but it´s shit my dumbass friends have said

ding dong the bitch is back 

ARIES: I only jerked off with another guy on facetime once!!!!! *everybody looks in shock* don’t worry bout my boyfriend knowing that n***a dumb as hell

TAURUS: oh my god the homo is wearing flannel!!!!! #lebanesegoals

GEMINI: I think I have rabies, but it’s okay cause I got my flu shot last week 

CANCER: If I may, I now present to you a 20-page-doc on why Eric Cartman is the most evil person to have ever existed on the cartoon earth. 

LEO: I always get sad looking at you because I think about how nobody will ever love you or care about you :(

VIRGO: you guys hold hands? that really turns me on

LIBRA: *under his breath in chinese* dumbass

SCORPIO: *little girl asks why is hair is so long and if he’s a girl* listen buddy, why don’t you shut the fuck up and go to your mom

SAGITTARIUS: *in tears* my brother just turned sixteen and I didn’t bake him a boys who cry themed cake :(

CAPRICORN: *angry spanish yelling while waving heel at her duet partner right before we go onstage to perform in front of 2,000 people* 

AQUARIUS: did you know im particularly spiritual cause i was born in a bathtub in belgium so im a water baby therefore im like god 

PISCES: you’ve never thought about taking shrek’s mud dripping cock before? 

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i honestly forgot tumblr was basically pornhub

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my hphm mc

got this one from @badeeaswife 

nobody really talks about hphm anymore, but alas, here I am. 

1. What's their personal philosophy? Do they even have one? 

Do it yourself. She's really against having others work for you, and believes that it's “every man for himself out here”. This is probably because of when Jacob left, she had to learn to live by herself. However, she's the first person to help you with anything and everything. Basically, she'll help you with anything you need, but will never ask for help.  

2. How do they feel about their status and reputation as the curse-breaker in school? 

She really hates it. Hates it when people look at her the wrong way in public in the muggle world, but everyone knowing who she is? No thank you. 

3. Did they get sorted into the Hogwarts House they expected to? Did the Sorting Hat have any problems sorting them? Or did it not even have to touch their head? 

No. She expected to get into Slytherin, because “I'm a bad bitch”. Ended up in Gryffindor. The sorting hat didn't really have to think much, but it was kind of close between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. 

4. What are their coping strategies for dealing with everything (the Vaults, Jacob, etc.), if they have any? 

To quote something I read on this app, "When there's pain, I push it down" 

5. What electives do they take throughout their time at Hogwarts? 

None, like the lazy ass bitch she is. 

6. Are they in any clubs or extracurricular activities? What about Quidditch? 

Quidditch, surprisingly. She’s very unathletic, but ended up being really good at quidditch. 

7. How studious are they? What kind of studying strategies do they use? Do they have any study groups with their friends 

Has never studied before, which is the cause of her mediocre grades. Rowan forced her into a study group, so now she’s kind of not failing. 

8. How willing are they when it comes to breaking school rules? 

It depends on the situation. If it’s just for fun, like throwing a stinkbomb at Merula, she’ll probably pass. But if it’s for protecting her friends, you bet that she’ll do anything. 

9. Do they hang out with any of their friends over breaks? If so which one(s) and what do they do? 

She doesn’t like to have friends over at her place, but will happily go if someone invites her somewhere which has never happened. 

10. After they graduate, do they fall off the ap and keep a low profile? Or do they continue to exist in the public eye? 

She wants to be a professor at Hogwarts one day, so I guess being seen by the public.

11. How does their career path differ from what they thought they’ be doing? Or does it differ at all? 

She ended up teaching defense against the dark arts, which was surprising because she wanted to teach herbology, so hopefully she doesn’t die next.

12. Do they have any hobbies? What about any talents or aptitudes? 

She’s very gifted musically, like at the especially piano but any instrument. She really can’t sing, but that doesn’t stop her from screaming Hamilton at her poor friends. 

13. Do they have any favorite spells? 

Expelliarmus, because “it’s the spell that knocked the bitch down” (the bitch being Merula).

14. What’s one thing they did or thought as a child that they later look back and cringe about?

She overshared. A LOT. To the point where people would avoid her because it got really awkward. 

15. If they could travel anywhere at all in the world- money, time, and language not being an issues- where would they go and who would they take with them? 

Probably back to America to visit her family, who she hasn’t seen since she moved to England. She would probably take Rowan, because they’re such good friends. 

16. If they’re an Animagus, how easy was becoming one for them? ere they happy with their Animagues form? Or did they want to be something different? 

It wasn’t super difficult for her to become one, the only hard parts being convincing Talbott and keeping the leaf in her mouth for a month. She was super happy with her form, which was a bird. She loves to bother Talbott, and joked about being a cat so that she could eat him. She didn’t mean it, of course or did she. 

17. Do they like what they see in the mirror? 

No. Even though she’s always telling her friends to love themselves, or telling them how beautiful they are, she can never apply the same to herself. She’s never seen herself as thin enough, or pretty enough, or ever just enough.

18. How good are they at taking compliments? 

Pretty bad. She always dismisses them or says something like “but you’re prettier”. 

19. How much do they trust their friends? 

Too much for her own good. Believes that there’s good in everyone, so when Ben ‘betrayed’ her, she was heartbroken. That really messed her up, but she ended up forgiving Ben. 

20. Are they pretty self-reliant? Or do they like to go to their friends for help? 

She is so scared of seeming needy, so she deals with everything on her own, even if it hurts her. Which is really bad PLEASE ASK FOR HELP OMFG

21. Who is their favorite Weasley? Or can they not choose?

Very close between Bill and Charlie, but probably Charlie because she’s in love with him  they’re such great friends. 

22. What’s the thing they like least about themselves? 

Probably her body. Like I said earlier, she just can’t seem to love her body. 

23. What’s the thing they like most about themselves? 

They fact that she’s always available for her friends. She loves feeling important. 

24. How bad is their temper? Do they tend to lash out at others or themselves? 

She has quite the temper. When she’s angry, she’s usually very sarcastic, so it’s usually funny. Think Shane and Ryan from Buzzfeed Unsolved. But when she’s seriously angry, she tends to be quiet, and takes it out on herself. She blames herself for almost every bad thing that happens, and usually starves herself. 

25. What’s their biggest regret in life, if they have any?

Her regret is never talking to Jacob. They were always fighting and she never really spoke to him. She wishes she would’ve just talked to him. 

26. What kind of first impression do they tend to leave on others?

Well, it depends on the first impression you have on her. When she first met Merula, she was very sassy and sarcastic, causing those around them to see her as kind of a jerk. With Ben however, she felt bad for him and was probably the kindest person he’d ever met. 

27. What is the achievement they’re most proud of? 

Getting into Hogwarts. She was so happy to have ‘finally done something right’. 

28. Do they like having photos taken of themselves? 

No, no, no, no, no and no. Hates being photographed, but will take 90 pictures of her and her friends. (she’s weird, I know)

29. What’s one big way that your MC differs from the in-game canon? 

The fact that she knows nothing about the Wizarding World until she got her letter. After Jacob disappeared, her parents deemed magic “too dangerous” and sent her off to live with her grandma. Both of her parents are muggleborn, so they were hoping she would end up not having magical abilities, but alas. 

30. What does their name mean and why did you choose it? 

'Micah’ means ‘who is like god’, but that’s not the reason I chose it. It’s the name of one of my favorite teachers, so this is a little nod to him. 

31. If they’re an Animagus, why did you choose the form for them that you did? 

I chose it in hopes that she would get closer to Talbott! From when she first met him, I thought he was such an interesting character!

32. How has your MC changed since you first created them? 

Funny story, actually. I played HPHM 3 times, the first being as a girl who was very, VERY, annoying, second being as an emo boy, and now as a girl who is like I described. 

33. How do you think you and your MC would get on? 

Probably not well. I’m too boring for her, lol. 

Thank you @badeeaswife for this lovely prompt!

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things my friends have said except it’s their zodiac signs

redid it because i felt like it

ARIES : *through tears* wHy CanT We aLl JuSt gEt aLonG AnD Be HaPpY

TAURUS : imagine having a small dick, haha, can’t relate *nervous glancing*

GEMINI : OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGODDDDD HES SOOOOOOO HOT UGHHHHH 😩😩😩😩😩😩

CANCER:who is draco malfoy kys???

LEO : yo, being hot isn’t as easy as it looks

VIRGO : the un is short for the United States right? not exactly and the eu is short for europe

LIBRA : please she ugly af i will curb stomp that hoe

SCORPIO : i would blow anyone for the rest of Attack On Titan to come out all at once

SAGITTARIUS : I HATE OLD MACDONALD HE NEEDS TO GO BACK TO CULTIVATING HIS LIVESTOCK

CAPRICORN : I’m going to this axe throwing place later, anyone wanna come?

AQUARIUS : HEYYYYYY oh god i dont know him HEY THATS MY BEST FRIEND

PISCES : on pirates of the carribean ride, scared af THE PIRATES LIFE IS NOT FOR ME

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the zodiac signs except its just my dumbass friends

AQUARIUS: two and a half flavors, because i have three aquarius friends, but two are really similar. the first one is so energetic! bubbly and funny, they always know how to lighten up the mood. such a sweetheart, and also super tech. book smart, but the opposite of street smart. all they want are some good friends and THEY SO DESERVE IT!!! two and a half is that the person has two very different sides. when they’re with people they don’t know they are sooooooo quiet and timid, but the most annoying person on the planet when they’re alone with friends. has a crush on literally every cartoon character, I literally have a list in my phone lmao. 

PISCES: two flavors: one is super annoying and a major fan girl, and the other is a hot mess, in the nicest way possible. the first is soooooo annoying and will talk about their fandom for hours. they’ll talk and talk and talk, but they’re very protective of friends and will fight you. uses the word ‘smexy’ unironically. the second one is just a mess. a total mess. very artistic and musical, and knows almost everyone. people like them because they are so kind to everyone. also cries 24/7 and eats way more than 3 people should in one sitting. 

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the zodiac signs except it’s just my dumbass friends (part 2)

HEY IM BACK I DIDN’T HAVE ANY HOMEWORK SO I’LL PROBABLY ONLY GET LIKE 2 OR 3 SIGNS DONE

CAPRICORN: three flavors: one of them is sooooooooooooo mean will literally punch you in the face and watch you bleed out all whilst feeling nothing. probably going to be a serial killer, but is really good at sports. tall af and makes me want to cry. the other one is super smart, skipped two grades in MATH and we all know how hard math is. honestly they’re so smart but kind of a crybaby which is why they can relate to pisces because they cry too 24/7. the third one is a sarcastic jerk but everyone has a crush on them because of their smooth flirting skills. also a really funny person.

SORRY GANG I HAVE TO GO BUT ILL ADD MORE LATER TODAY OR THIS WEEK OR NEXT WEEK IDFK

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the zodiac signs except its my dumbass friends

ARIES: they come in two flavors: anime geek who loves to scream and literally every teacher hates them, or super pure and probably an angel in disguise. if they’re the first variety then watch out. they have constant detentions although they’re super smart, and fails every class because they just don’t care. if they’re the second flavor, then they’re the pure one or the baby of the friend group. the whole group would protect them with their life. holds grudges for years though

TAURUS: another two flavors: either very arrogant and thinks they’re better than everyone else or a huge crowd pleaser and the most popular person at school. if it’s the first one, then they’re literally math geniuses. they pretend to hate you but secretly would do anything for you. such a sweetheart honestly, although they won’t give you answers on tests. if it’s the second one, they’re the popular kid who’s actually really nice to everyone. is sooooooooooooo kind to every person they mees, and overuses the word broski like crazy. an athlete, and eats all the snacks. 

GEMINI: one main flavor: LOUD. they are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo loud and chatty, especially around the people they want to impress. always screaming and ships everyone in harry potter (which is why they’re best friends with cancer) they’re so loud omg my ears. really likes pockets and loves to dress up. bougie af and enjoys the finer things in life, although they have ZERO. MONEY. always steals money. you do NOT want to be their enemy, they know everything about everyone. BLACKMAIL!!!!!

CANCER: two flavors: one is very emotional and easily upset, and the other is super whiny. the first one needs everyone to be happy or else they can’t be happy. thinks electronics suck and that books are the way to go. sports geek. the other flavor however is glued to their phone 24/7 and reads wattpad during class. hates school and always whining about how their life is so hard when they can’t afford mcdonalds. also, rich but shares all the money with their friends. they’re best friends with gemini because they both like expensive things, and they both obsess over fanfiction. 

LEO: one major flavor: has a different personality for every person they meet. is the type to give candy to everyone in class for valentines day, even people they don’t like. very popular, and says “broooooooooooo” all the time. really smart but hates school like aries. very sexual, always talking about their ass. will literally slam their head into a pole for 20 dollars because they spent all their money on shoes. hates people who spend too much, but that’s exactly what they are.

 VIRGO: one main flavor: sweetheart. kids a lot, always making jokes about his friends, but they have the best intention. if you need something from them, they’ll always listen to what you have to say and do their best. popular, cool, calm, and a major athlete. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT. there, i said it. so attractive and everyone knows it, but they all tease them about it. the type to remember your birthday and go out of their way to bake a cupcake just for you to make you feel special. 

LIBRA: one major flavor: scary as hell. will “curb stomp a hoe” in their own words. will literally blow you for money and attracts everyone. heartbreaker, they’ll play with your heart and stomp it on the floor. slacker, but one with style. passionate about the things they love. great actor, because they dramatic af. the type to watch crime shows for HOURS. date night = sky diving. super daring and a matchmaker, ships all their friends

SCORPIO: so many flavors, four at the top of my head. one of them is a total dumbass, but such a sweet person. failing every class but everyone loves them because they’re so kind. “it’s not a phase it’s a lifestyle” they say after eating the 90th chicken nugget. another is SUPER smart, child einstein. nice, but you can’t really have a convo with them because they’re too busy planning how to end global warming by themselves. probably speaks at least 5 languages. another is a total psycho, watches porn constantly and a horny little bitch. anime hoe and is super scary to people who don’t know them. tough love, always yelling at people but secretly loves them. the last one is quiet and soft spoken. sweet, kind and loves their friends

SAGITTARIUS: three flavors: super smart and will literally correct you if f you make the smallest mistake, throws their degrees in your face. “its OFFEN, not OFF-TEN” same energy as “its leviOsa, not LEviosAaAaaa” another is a major athlete and class clown. all the teachers hate them but all the students love them, they make the class that much more fun. the third one is so much fun to be around but so chaotic. will send memes at two am usually followed by “UBOUBEUVOBEOVB” super sarcastic which makes them great friends with pisces, who is also extra af

ill finish this up soon, probably next monday :)

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If you knew me in upper elementary and middle school, I'm sorry.

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IN MY LOCAL THEATRE THEY WERE GOING TO SHOW DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT IT GOT CANCELED AND IM SO UPSET

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In class everyone got a 100 on the test and I got a 50, and the teacher said: "im so proud of you guys! All of you got a 100! well, almost all...." and then he looked at me and I wanted to die

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I'm sorry,

W H A T

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My boy is defying gravity

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when your too gay to be a functioning member of society

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What has jae done now

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Dobby is me whenever I forget an assignment

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Okay so i started the "farewell my prefect" thing and Angelica is talking about how she's going to miss me like ????? Weren't you just yelling at me for losing 5 house points last year???