song inspiration: if u think i'm pretty by artemas.
author's note: can't believe this is my first tom fic, but please know that this man awakens the feral, unhinged side of me. let me slytherin to your chamber of secrets and ride that basilisk tommy đ
This was a stupid, idiotic, and terrible idea.Â
Unfortunately for you, those were the conditions in which Harry and Ron worked best under. In your defense, you tried to talk them out of the prank, but the boys were determined to leave their mark. You suppose you couldâve told Hermione, but you didnât want to interrupt her date with Draco. When it came to talking sense into their thick skulls, you were completely and utterly alone.Â
After much argument, you finally accepted that you werenât going to get anywhere with Harry and Ron. The only thing you could do was supervise their reckless pursuits and minimize the damage as much as possible. So here you were, sneaking into the dungeons under the cover of darkness.Â
âThis will be the best seventh year prank yet,â Ron whispered as he trailed close behind. âFred and George are going to be so jealous.âÂ
âIf we donât die from the cold first,â Harry quipped sarcastically, slightly shivering underneath the invisibility cloak draped over the three of you. âThe Slytherins really take the whole cold-blooded thing quite literally, donât they?âÂ
You huffed in response, trying your best to muffle your steps. âCan we please focus on not getting caught? We need to be in and out of the dungeons before the prefects start their patrols.âÂ
The boys nodded as you inched further into the serpentâs nest. Luckily, the corridor that housed Professor Snapeâs office was empty. You held your breath as you began to unravel the wards protecting the entrance. You had to give it to him, Snape was incredibly thorough when it came to his security measures. Good thing you were an expert on unlocking charms.Â
With a final flick of your wand, the door gave way and creaked open. Ron and Harry wore matching grins as the three of you spilled into the office. Closing the door behind you, Harryâs green eyes crinkled with mischief.Â
âLetâs get started.âÂ
Surprisingly, Harry and Ronâs half-arsed plan was actually coming together. The three of you worked in silence, the boys handing you paints and supplies at the snap of your fingers. After a few more strokes, you flicked your paintbrush over the wall and cocked your head to examine your work. Nearly every single surface of Professor Snapeâs office was covered in your illustrationsâtechnically vandalism according to wizarding law.Â
The drawings, imbued with the same magic that powered the moving portraits, depicted caricatures of Professor Snape, all of which scurried like rats along the walls, hurtling globs of paint at one another. The head of Slytherin house was going to have a fit when he saw what youâd done to his office. You almost wished you could be there in the morning to witness the look on Snapeâs face when he uncovered your masterpiece.
âBloody brilliant!â Ron exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear as he packed up the paints and brushes. âYouâve really outdone yourself, Y/N.âÂ
Harry chuckled and nudged your shoulder. âSee? You do have a taste for trouble, after all.âÂ
You rolled your eyes fondly. âYeah, yeah. Now help me clean up so we can go.âÂ
As you carefully wiped the office of any trace of the three of you, Harry suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. You looked up, ready to scold him for idling, but fell silent when you saw the panicked expression on his face.Â
âWhat is it?â you asked quietly.Â
Harry held up his hand and slowly opened the door, peeking out into the darkness. A muffled clicking that sounded an awful lot like footsteps echoed from the corridor. âDo you hear that?âÂ
Ron cursed lowly. âThe prefects mustâve started their rounds early.âÂ
You peered over Harryâs shoulder and felt the color drain from your face. âItâs not the prefects,â you said, swallowing thickly. âItâs the Head Boy.âÂ
Both the boys swore under their breaths. You steeled yourself, knowing that panic was not going to get you anywhere. As quietly as possible, you retrieved Harryâs cloak and beckoned the boys underneath it.Â
âWeâre so fucked,â Ron mumbled.Â
âNo, weâre not,â you chided sternly. âGet under the cloak and donât make a sound.âÂ
Harry scooted in beside you, clutching the invisible fabric over his shoulders. âDo you have a plan?âÂ
You nodded. âRun like hell and donât get caught.âÂ
âThatâs a bloody terrible plan!â said Ron.Â
With a glare, you tugged the redhead underneath the cloak. âThen please, let us hear your brilliant idea, Ronald.â Ron stayed quiet, his freckled face etched with fear. âThatâs what I thought. Now stay close and for Merlinâs sake, try not to stomp around like a damned erumpent.â
Stupid.Â
Idiotic.Â
Terrible.Â
Every ounce of apprehension you felt earlier that night came rushing back as the three of you cowered in the darkness. It was pitch-black in the corridor, but you didnât dare cast lumos for fear of getting caught. Thankfully, a small light up ahead provided you with a vague sense of direction. You remembered passing the lit emerald sconce on the way down. All you had to do was get back to the entrance without running into the head boy.Â
The glimmer of hope became clearer and clearer as you neared the stairs that would lead you out of the dungeons. You were so close. Barely a few metres away from freedom.Â
Just as you thought you were safe, Ron knocked into a table, sending one of the snake sculptures guarding the alcove to the common room tumbling. The marble cracked against the concrete, breaking into a million pieces just like your hope of escaping.Â
âRun!â you huffed, urging the boys to go on.Â
A solid plan if you hadnât been nearly blind in the dark. You could hear the shuffling of footsteps beside you. Three sets belonging to you, Harry, and Ron, while an unknown fourth inched closer and closer. Whoever it was wasnât running, but they were definitely in pursuit.Â
You stumbled through the dark, nearly tripping over your own feet. From up ahead, you could hear Harry and Ron urging you on. As you broke into a sprint, paints and brushes came spilling out of your satchel. Under any other circumstance, you wouldâve abandoned your art supplies, but leaving them behind would fully incriminate the three of you. In the time it took to pick up the damning evidence, you stopped hearing your friendâs voices.Â
It wouldâve worried you, but in all honesty, you were relieved. If you could no longer hear the boys, then that meant they made it safely out of the serpentâs nest. A feat in itself given their track record. Those two couldnât be inconspicuous if they tried. Without the need to worry for them, you were confident that youâd be able to slip out undetected.Â
In hindsight, you were perhaps a tad bit overconfident. You were great at sneaking around, but apparently not good enough to slip the head boyâs notice. As soon as you started to creep past the dormitories, you ran into a wall that hadnât been there before.Â
Except it wasnât a wall.Â
It was a strong, firm chest. A chest that belonged to none other than Tom Riddle.Â
Leave it to your terrible luck to run straight into the arms of the scariest boy in the castle.Â
Determined not to cower, you lifted your chin defiantly and faced Tom head on. âHead Boy,â you greeted in acknowledgment.Â
Emerald eyes unflinchingly surveyed you, that intense green stare sweeping from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. Beneath the faint glow of the Black Lake pouring in through the stained glass windows, you couldâve easily mistaken Tom Riddle for an angel. He looked like an illustration straight out of the Sistine Chapel. Beautiful, intricate, perfect.Â
Yet utterly terrifying.Â
Danger prickled at your skin as Tomâs lips curved into a sinister smirk. âMy, my, what do we have here? A little dove out of her cage.âÂ
You bristled as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his voice a seductive caress. It was low, husky, and a little rough around the edges. Just like its speaker. Tom plucked a paintbrush out of your satchel and examined it between his fingers. âI saw what you did to Snapeâs office. Quite artistic, arenât you?âÂ
A part of you considered denying it, but it wouldâve been a futile attempt. There was paint splattered all over your skirt and flecks of it were already drying on your skin. Tom had quite literally caught you red handed. The only thing you could do was to own up to it and face whatever consequences came as a result of your foolish actions.Â
âAre you going to turn me in to the headmaster?âÂ
Tom shook his head, his brown wavy hair falling over one eye. âNot until I catch your two helpers.âÂ
Panic seized your body. It may be too late for you, but Tom hadnât seen either Harry or Ron. There was a chance they could come out of this unscathed.Â
âI was alone,â you declared with your chin held high. âThere was no one else with me.âÂ
Anger contorted Tomâs handsome features. Those emerald eyes lit up in flames as he backed you into a wall, bracketing each side of your head with his arms as he leaned down. You tried not to cower under the intensity of his stare, but gods was it hard. Tom towered a good foot over you and as if that werenât intimidating enough, he also blocked every possibility of escape with his body.Â
âDonât lie to me, little dove,â Tom growled, tilting your chin up with one hand. âI heard three sets of footsteps running through the corridor.âÂ
You swallowed thickly, praying to Merlin to grant you the ability to flawlessly lie your arse off. âI swear, it was just me. No one else. I did it all by myself.âÂ
Tom hummed as if unconvinced. âWell, youâre certainly on your own now. Your idiotic friends left you down in the dungeons all alone. Donât you know that dangerous things lurk in the dark around here, Y/N?âÂ
âLike I said, I was alone.âÂ
âSo it appears,â Tom said, flashing you a smile that told you he was the most dangerous thing lurking in the dungeons. âPoor little dove wandering the serpentâs nest all on her own. Hasnât anyone told you that us Slytherins have teeth?âÂ
âWhy?â In an idiotic surge of courage, the words slipped out of your mouth before you could pull them back in. âDo you plan on biting me, Tom?âÂ
Tom grabbed your jaw roughly, making you whimper in surprise. âInsolent girl. Youâll learn your lesson soon enough.âÂ
Without warning, he grabbed you by the elbow and started dragging you down the corridor. At first, you were certain that Tom was taking you to Dumbledoreâs office, but as the minutes ticked by, you realized that you were going in the opposite direction. If anything, he was leading you right into the heart of the dungeons.Â
Tomâs grip tightened to the point of pain as he guided you up a set of twin staircases, practically flying up the steps on the right side, which you assumed led to the dormitories. It had a similar layout to the Gryffindor common room, except instead of leading into the towers, the narrow hallway opened into an intricate maze in the lower levels of the castle.Â
Nestled into the underbelly of Hogwarts was a large, dark room that was surrounded by more stained glass walls that looked out into the Black Lake. A school of fish swam by as Tom ushered you through the door, which he promptly locked behind him with a series of complicated spells you had no hope of deciphering.Â
You were trapped. Alone in a room. With Tom Riddle.
Upon closer inspection, you surmised that this had to be his private suite. It was twice as large as your dorm back in the towers and extremely private. A luxury that only the Head Boy and Head Girl enjoyed.Â
âYouâve been very bad, little dove,â Tom reprimanded. "You deserve to be punished, but Iâll tell you what. Give up the names of your accomplices and I might find it in my heart to go easy on you.âÂ
His drawling voice echoed in the bedroom as he leaned back against his desk, twirling his wand between his fingers. The look he leveled at you is enough to awaken your fear. Plus another emotion that you couldnât quite place your finger on.Â
Merlin, Tom was sizing you up like he was the lion and you were the helpless deer frolicking through the meadow. You steeled yourself and doubled down on your lies.Â
âThere was no one else, Tom.âÂ
He smirked as though youâd given him the answer heâd hoped to hear. Tom stopped twirling his wand, tucking it away in his back pocket as he stalked over to you. âVery well, then. I suppose youâll just have to endure their punishments too.âÂ
You swallowed past the lump in your throat. It occurred to you that while you had your wand, you were completely and utterly defenseless against Tom. It shouldâve scared you shitless, but instead you felt a strange sort of thrill as he came closer. âWhatâŠwhat sort of punishment?âÂ
A smirk curved at his lips as he fisted your hair between his fingers and tilted your head back to meet his gaze. âI think you know, babydoll.âÂ
Heat ignited in your veins as your tongue darted out to sweep across your bottom lip. âThis is crazy,â you whispered. âShouldnât you be telling Dumbledore? Snape? Someone in charge?âÂ
âIâm the one in charge,â Tom growled as he shoved you against his bookshelf. Your back hit solid wood, disturbing the neatly organized tomes behind you. âYou snuck into my dungeons, under my watch, and defaced my home. I will dole out your punishment as I see fit.âÂ
âAnd if I refuse?â You asked, hoping that you emulated the bravery that your house was infamous for.
Tom pressed his body against yours, leaving barely a hairsbreadth between you as he flashed you a feral smile. âItâs laughable that you still think you have a choice.âÂ
âI could scream bloody murder. Wake the entire castle up and alert everyone that you're holding a fellow student against her will."
âYou could,â Tom mused as amusement flickered in his eyes. âBut we both know you wonât.âÂ
âWhat makes you so sure?âÂ
âYouâd never risk such a scandalous act to go on your record. First vandalizing Professor Snapeâs office, then sneaking into the Head Boyâs dorm after curfew? Youâre on a downward spiral, arenât you, little dove?âÂ
âI didnât sneak into your dorm. You dragged me in here.âÂ
âPlease,â Tom said with a scoff. âLetâs not pretend that you donât want to be here. Iâve been watching you, you know. The perfect little Gryffindor good girl. You think you have everyone fooled, but not me.â You groaned as he pinned your hips in place, sliding his thigh between your legs.Â
âYou think I havenât noticed the way you look at me in class? Bending over in that tiny little skirt of yours hoping Iâll glance your way? Leaving the buttons to your blouse undone so you can give me a view of that lacy red bra? Biting your lip when youâre thinking dirty thoughts about me in class?âÂ
You flushed at his spot on assessment. Tom might be right on the mark, but you werenât about to admit that to him. Not when your pride was on the line. âI donât know what youâre talking about.âÂ
âDirty little liar.â Tom whispered against the shell of your ear. âYou know, your mental shields are impressive, but itâs like you canât help yourself when Iâm around. Youâre practically broadcasting your filthy fantasies every time weâre in the same room.âÂ
Fuck.Â
This was bad.Â
This was really fucking bad.
How many times had you sat in class staring at Tom while thinking the filthiest, dirtiest thoughts about him? Tom bending you over a desk. Tom slipping his fingers under your skirt. Tom making you scream with his head between your thighs.
All this time, he had complete access to those dirty daydreams.
âThatâs right, doll. You may be a powerful occlumens, but youâre no match for my legilimency.â He chuckled darkly, caressing your jaw.Â
A heavy pressure weighed down the constraints of your defenses as Tom poked around in your mind, teasing and taunting as a lover would. The act of him prodding around in your subconscious was oddly sensual, mixing pain and pleasure together as he waited for you to yield.Â
Thereâs no use hiding now, Tom whispered into your subconscious. Iâve already seen inside your mind, doll. And your thoughts are just as fucking filthy as mine.Â
Glimpses of your deepest, darkest fantasies flashed through your mind. The images were a never ending rolodex of filth and smut. Tom fucking you like his perfect little slut. Tom panting above you as he spread your legs. Tom working you with his fingers until you were a sobbing, whimpering mess.Â
He was right. You were shameless.Â
But so was he. A new image of you on your knees while Tom unbuckled his belt, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip as you stared up expectantly took center stage. Since it was from his point of view, you could only assume that he was showing you one of his fantasies. It was oddly satisfying. Tom was basking in the depravity with you, sharing his equally fucked up thoughts.Â
âTomâŠâ you breathed, leaning into his touch as he continued to pin you against the wooden bookshelf.Â
âNot Tom,â he grunted gruffly. âYouâll address me properly from now on, little dove.âÂ
This was so fucked up and yet so hot at the same time. You were so turned on you could hardly speak. âYes, sir.âÂ
âThatâs better, doll.â Tom declared with a smirk. âNow that Iâve been inside of your head, I plan on being inside you in every other way as well. Starting with that pretty little mouth of yours. On your knees, little dove.âÂ
A strange sense of deja vu washed over you as you knelt onto the floor. The concrete nipped at your knees, but you welcomed the pain. It kept you centered as your body buzzed with anticipation. You watched as Tom unbuckled his belt, deft fingers slowly sliding his boxers down as he gripped himself with one hand.Â
With a smirk, Tom brushed his thumb over your bottom lip, looking down at you with lust blown eyes. âOpen wide, babydoll.âÂ
Tom pumped himself slowly. The sight of his cock made your mouth water, your head spinning and dizzy with desire as you tried to calculate how you were going to take all of him. The tip of his cock glistened with precum as he rubbed over it. Tom was thick, long, and absolutely delicious. You groaned as he rubbed his head over your lips, the salty taste of his arousal resting on your tongue.Â
âI wonât ask again,â Tom warned. âBe a good girl and open your mouth. Iâll make you regret it if you donât.âÂ
âYes, sir.âÂ
A satisfied smile graced his handsome face before he shoved his way in. Your lips parted for him, opening your mouth wider as you accommodated his size. âThat wasnât so hard, was it?âÂ
You nodded obediently, eyes filling with tears as you took Tom all the way back. He fisted your hair in one hand and rocked against your mouth, hitting the back of your throat. A garbled sound crawled out of your chest, but it was soon silenced with Tomâs impatient thrusts.Â
âFuck,â Tom cursed. âSo wet and warm. Such a perfect little throat. What a pity that Iâm about to ruin it.âÂ
Ruin was an understatement. Tom fucked your throat with precise thrusts, angling deeper and deeper and groaning as you gagged on his cock. He was so deep that you could feel him bruising your tonsils. The more he abused your throat, the wetter your pussy got. You were practically soaked as you moaned on his cock, sucking your cheeks in and bobbing your head up and down to take more of him.Â
âSuch pretty noises,â Tom said, his fingers curling through your hair to the point of pain. He tugged at your scalp, forcing you to meet his eyes as you sucked him off. âIf your mouth feels this good around my cock, then I canât even imagine what your cunt will feel like.âÂ
You groaned in pleasure, making Tomâs eye roll back from the vibrations. Controlled, compulsive, and perfectly composed Tom Riddle was fading before you, replaced by a man driven only by his base desires. He was an animal lost to lust and so were you.Â
Tom squeezed your throat, groaning when he felt himself moving beneath his grip. âYour throat was made to be fucked, doll. You like that, donât you? You love it when Iâm rough.âÂ
You struggled to nod in acknowledgement, saliva sloppily collecting in the corner of your mouth as you continued to let him use you for his own pleasure. Tom chuckled at your pathetic attempt to respond. âDonât bother answering, little dove. You wonât be able to speak when Iâm done with you anyways.âÂ
The filth flowing effortlessly from his mouth made you clench your thighs together. Tom threw his head back, those pretty curls tousled and plastered against his sweat soaked skin. A moan tore through his chest as he got closer and closer, fucking into your mouth with reckless abandon. He chased after his orgasm, shuddering as he spurted hot ribbons down your throat.Â
âFuck. You see what you do to me? Swallow, doll. Every single fucking drop.âÂ
The fantasies that youâve been harboring for the past few years finally came to fruition, but none of it came close to reality. Tom was a fucking god. A masterpiece coming undone above you. Youâve never seen such a beautiful sight. All the artwork in the world wouldâve paled in comparison to witnessing Tom Riddle at his most vulnerable.Â
In awe and wonder, you looked up at him with mascara streaked eyes, tears and saliva staining your face. Tom hauled you to your feet and claimed you with his mouth. The taste of him was still on your lips, but Tom didnât seem to mind as he parted your lips with his tongue. The kiss was neither sweet nor innocent. It was dark and dangerous and there was an edge of possessiveness in the way he demanded your submission. Almost like he was marking his territory.Â
Tongues, teeth, and lips met with a clash as Tom carried you over to his desk. His books and journals clattered to the ground as his teeth grazed the column of your throat. The taste of him was intoxicating and you licked, sucked, and nipped at every inch of skin he allowed access to. You gasped into his mouth as Tom parted your legs, not bothering to warn you as he palmed your soaked panties.Â
Your core clenched as he slipped a finger inside of your pussy. A squelching sound filled the room as Tom added another digit, pumping you full and fucking you with his middle and pointer fingers as you begged for more. He knew exactly what he was doing. Tom studied you like one of his books, with meticulous precision and alarming intensity, pouring all of his efforts and attention into making your body sing.Â
It wasnât long before that familiar warmth singed your veins, your moans growing louder and more desperate as you clawed at Tomâs back. You were so, so close. You were practically riding his hand as he brought you closer to the precipice. Just when you were about to come, Tom pulled away and denied you the orgasm.Â
âDonât be mistaken, doll. This is still a punishment.â Tom said as you whined from the loss. He silenced your complaints by bending you over his desk.Â
âTom, pleaseââ You clawed at the wood as he lined up and filled you with one sharp thrust. âOh my fucking gods.âÂ
Tom gripped your hips, the slap of his skin against yours echoing in the room as he fucked you from behind. He was relentless, thrusting in and out and arching your back while he railed the absolute life out of you. It wasnât long before you were getting close again. The sharp angles of his thrusts had him hitting all the right spots, making your knees weak and your pussy sensitive from the roughness of his actions. Sensing that you were close, he rutted into you, letting that tension uncoil before ripping the orgasm away from you once more. You whined, fresh tears soaking your cheeks as you chased after that high.Â
âLike I said, this is still a punishment,â Tom taunted, slowing his thrusts to a snailâs pace. âThatâs two orgasms Iâve taken from you, which leaves you with two more. Four for every wall you defaced. It should be twelve, given that you had help, but Iâm in a forgiving mood. I think Iâll just spank the other eight out of you instead.âÂ
With your head bowed, you wiped the tears off of your cheeks and braced yourself. You knew that he was telling the truth. To Tom, this was mercy. You shouldâve found it sadistic, but you fucking loved it. Maybe you were a masochist. Whatever the case may be, it seemed like the two of you were a match made in heaven.Â
âIâll be good,â you whispered hoarsely. Your throat was still raw and sore from earlier. âIâll happily take the punishment. I promise Iâll be good, sir.âÂ
Tom chuckled darkly, relishing in your submission. His hand came down with a hard smack against your right ass cheek, making you jolt from the contact. Before you could recover, he repeated the action on the left.Â
âThatâs two,â Tom said proudly. âCan you count out the rest, babydoll?âÂ
You nodded, biting down on your bottom lip every time his large hand came down on your ass. His rings bit into the soft flesh of your skin, but it was a delicious sort of pain. One that you could easily become addicted to.Â
Three. Tom tugged at your hair.Â
Four. Teeth nipped at your shoulder.Â
Five. Fingers curled around your throat.Â
Six. Hips slammed against you.Â
Seven. Lips trailed down your spine.
Eight. Moans echoed in your ears.Â
When Tom slipped his fingers down to your clit, your eyes rolled back so hard that you saw fucking heaven. âItâs not a punishment if youâre enjoying yourself so much, little dove. I can feel you creaming my cock. You look so innocent, but youâre just a filthy fucking slut for me, arenât you?âÂ
âYes sir.âÂ
âSo. Fucking. Perfect.âÂ
Tom emphasized each word with a thrust and worked your clit faster and faster, bringing you to the edge. This time, he didnât pull back. Tom let the orgasm build until it threatened to wipe you out entirely. White hot heat coursed through your veins as stars exploded behind your eyes. You whimpered through the intensity of the orgasm. After being denied four times, the pleasure ripped through your body so fiercely that you nearly blacked out.Â
âFuck, let me fill you up,â Tom growled. âTake it, doll. I want you dripping with my cum.âÂ
âYes, yes, oh gods. Please cum inside of me, sir.âÂ
Tom released a guttural grunt, gripping your hips in place as he filled you to the brim. Nothing in the world compared to the sensation of Tom filling you with his warm, wet cum. You glanced behind you and found him staring intently as he slipped out of you, stuffing his cum back into your pussy as it dripped down your folds. You bit your lip, utterly aroused by how fucking sexy this man was.Â
His gaze met yours, a proud smile curving against his lips as he swept you off your feet and into his arms. âI think Iâll keep you, little dove.âÂ
Pairing: Young! Tom Riddle x fem! Ravenclaw! Reader
ïœĄ.ïœĄ ⥠Content warning . Public sex, praise & degradation, cum play, sub! Reader, dom! Tom
Notes: set in modern day Hogwarts. I never thought iâd want to fuck Voldemort but here we are.
Your feet patter softly against the tile floors of Hogwarts, a book clutched tightly in your arms as you make your way towards the schoolâs library. Itâs a rainy night, incredibly quiet and empty. The other students are at dinner, and youâve decided to skip out to study for your OWLs. When you open the big wooden doors to the library, the smell of printed ink and old pages invites you further in.
The first thing you notice, when you close the doors behind you and take sight of the room, is that the librarian, Madam Pince, is no where to be found. She must be on her break.
The second thing you notice is the boy sitting in the darkest corner of the room.
You know of the familiar brunetteâ of course you do. Who wouldnât? Tom Riddle is a popular slytherin well known for his cunningness, his intelligence, his ability to speak native tonguesâ and sometimes, his temper. A ravenclaw yourself, you try to steer clear of him. Slytherins usually donât take politely to anyone outside of their house. Not to mention the fact that you scored the top of your class, with him coming in close second. You suspect that he hates you for that.
He catches your gaze, brown eyes with the resemblance of a serpent. He looks back down at his book, seeming bored.
You let out a breath of air.
You slide your book into the return bin, timidly moving to the shelf about Potions. Snape has been really hassling you lately on your grades, and you really need to turn your B+ into a perfect A. Your fingertips skim over the leathered binds, reading title after title. A voice behind you makes you jump.
âIf youâre studying for Snapeâs final, Iâd recommend âAdvanced Potion Makingâ. It will tell you all you need to know.â
His voice is an angelic lilt, though you know that is not in any way what he resembles. The fact that heâs helping you stumps you into utter confusion, and heat creeps up your neck. You nod to him as you begin searching for the book.
To no avail. Your eyes search every bind, every word, but your focus has been diluted because of Tom speaking to you. He sighs, almost annoyed.
He appears beside you, much to your surprise. You nervously bite your lip as he finds the exact book he recommended and pushes it into your hands.
âChapter nine. I wouldâve thought a girl of your ranking in our class would know this already.â
Your brows furrow, embarrassment coursing through you as he sits back down and resumes his tasks. You nervously fumble with the book.
âThank you.â You reply, because you had been taught proper manners. He scoffs, flicking through the pages of his book. You canât read the title, though the cover is quite off put ish and dark. Perhaps he had snuck into the restricted section.
âDonât.â
You frown, though your mind is peaking with curiosity. He seems rude, but he was trying to help you. Maybe thereâs something nice under there, after all. Your body is stiff as you sit across from him at the table, silently pleading to God that the boy across from you wonât put a nasty hex on you.
âYou donât have to be rude, you know.â
It slips out of your lips, quiet and unsure. Tomâs eyes narrow at you.
âAnd as well as that, you donât have to sit across from me.â
âPerhaps I want to. Perhaps you need a friend.â
âA friend?â He chuckles dryly, his gaze travelling down to your robes. You try to ignore the heat creeping between your legs. âWe arenât going to be friends.â
His insinuation is thick, dangerous. Your heart pounds out of your chest at this unexpected turn of your study hour. You gulp, looking down at the pages.
âVery well then. But since Iâve already sat down, I might as well continue my book here.â
âOr we could continue this conversation in my dorm room.â
He says it smoothly, with no fear or utmost insecurity.
âWhat?â You blanch, stuttering on your syllables. Tom smirks.
âA smart girl like you, and you canât even comprehend a single sentence,â he says, his body beginning to move out of his chair. ââS pathetic, reallyâŠâ
You breath hitches as his tall form towers over you. Your fingertips grasp the sides of your chair as he leans in close.
âTom,â you start, warningly. He quirks a brow.
âNo?â He questions, and then after a moment, staring into your doe eyes, it dawns on him. His mouth forms into a grin. âOh, you want it here, donât you? You want it right here.â
His lips brush just inches over your pouty lips, and you wonder how in the hell you got into this situation and why this slytherin boy is making such a sudden move on you. But knowing Tom, itâs probably out of boredom. Out of the desire for a hook up.
You donât mind it. Not really, not anymore, because all your protests are ripped away from you when he presses his lips to yours. Itâs not tender or sweet, itâs full of sharp teeth and unfiltered lust. His hands rest on your chin, gripping your head so you canât escape his kissâ canât escape him.
Your tongue is about to graze his lips when he pulls away. His fingers grasp your shoulder and pull you up to your feet. You stumble, your legs shaky from just a couple of kisses. You gasp when he spins you around and presses your face against one of the nearest bookshelves. His big hands wrap around your wrists and hold them behind your back.
âI donât want to hear any complaints from you. Do you understand me?â He whispers, his hands reaching down to lift up your robes. âIf I do, Iâll leave you here drenched, your clothes gone, with your holes freshly fucked and on display for the entire school to see. Do you understand me?â
You nod instantly. You know that these arenât empty threats; when Tom says heâs going to do something, heâll do it.
When he pulls up your robes, taking in the sight of your pretty pink thong, he lets out a sharp breath.
âPrepared, werenât you?â
You let out a whine, knowing that no, this wasnât intentional. Tom just caught you on a specific type of day. But looking on it now, maybe the universe was being in your favor when you decided to pick out the flimsy undergarment.
Tom slips the hem of your robes into your hands.
âHold it.â He commands, and youâre quick to comply.
His hardness presses against you, clothed still but his robes are lifted so he can rut against you in his briefs. It isnât long before heâs pulling them down past his thighs, his cock sprinting up into the air as he places himself against you once again. You canât help but drip with need, canting your hips back against him. His cock presses in between the seam of your ass, and you rub against him like a bitch in heat.
And just like a bitch in heat, you purr.
âTommy..â you let out, and his grip on your hips tighten. âPlease?â
He scoffs at the nickname, though his bottom lip is caught roughly between his teeth and heâs trying to contain himself. He wraps his hand around his awaiting length, parts your thighs with the other, and slides his dick up against your throughly aroused pussy.
Heâs warm, sticky. You wish you couldâve seen him before this, seen that thing that feels oh so heavy between your legs, but itâll have to wait. Hopefully, there will be a next time.
When he slides in, it stretches you obscenely. This isnât your first time, but thereâs a burning sensation as he enters you. Heâs got the perfect amount of thickness and length to pull a moan deep from your throat.
He doesnât start slow. His hips smack against yours at a rapid pace, small grunts leaving his silky lips as he uses you like a common whore. Your hands grip your robes and the bookshelf at the same time, trying to keep steady as Tom fills you to the brim. He noses along your jaw and leaves wet, open kisses there. You mewl when he bites down harshly and sucks a mark into your skin.
âSuch a tight little cunt you have,â Tom breathes, his fingertips bruising your hips. âLook at you, such a slut for my cock. Does it feel good? Tell me, tell me how it feels.â
Your thighs squeeze him, your mouth gaping open in utter ecstasy. Your words are caught in your throat, but Tom is quick to force them out of you with a spank to your ass. You moan, your forehead pressing against the bookshelfâs wooden edge.
âYes! Yes, it feels so goodâŠâ you slur, entranced by the spice of his cologne and the feeling of his girthy length splitting you open. He grunts, bucking his hips into you with vigor.
âAnd I bet itâs the best youâve had, isnât it? All those other boys canât do it for you. Iâm the only one that fucks you this good.â
Itâs true, and when his cockhead hits a spot deep inside you that has you keening, your legs quiver and your brain turns to jelly. Tomâs fingers place themselves around your neck and squeeze so hard that your vision blurs at the edges, and youâre enthralled by the fear that courses through your veins. Heâs playing your life in his hands like itâs a shiny new toy.
He fucks you like a madman as you gasp and beg for air. Tears spill out of your eyes, salty and wet and Tom takes notice.
âCrying?â He sneers, pounding you so hard that youâre sure the bookshelf will leave bruises as it presses against you. âYouâre pathetic. A pathetic, filthy little girl.â
âMmmhhh..â you cry out. Your eyes roll back as you utter incoherent sounds. He growls.
âDo you want me to cum inside you?â And then, with a harsh grip on your hair, âI want to hear you say it. Beg me. Beg me to fill you, whore.â
Your eyes shut tight, and your hands clasp around his wrists as he loosens his grip on your throat.
âPlease,â your voice is a gasp as you finally get oxygen unto your system. âPlease, Tom, f-fill me up. Cum inside me.â
A small, throaty groan escapes his lips, and with one last desperate thrust heâs spilling balls deep inside your drooling cunt. His cum spills over the cusp of your used entrance, and when heâs done fucking it into you he pulls out with a sharp exhale.
You can feel his cum spill out of your raw fucked hole, the creamy fluid dribbling down your thigh and dripping onto the carpet below. Your clit throbs mercilessly, still devoid of any attention, but Tom is quick to put a stop to that. He drops to his knees, then, and itâs a surprising gesture that you didnât expect. He doesnât seem like the type to get on his knees for anyone, let alone you. But his tongue lolls out of his mouth as he spreads your knees and catches his cum into his awaiting mouth. He licks up your hole, circling your clit with practiced precision. You let out a guttural sound when you hear the obscene noises of the cum spilling out of you, along with Tomâs mouth slurping at your cunt vigorously. He works at you over and over, and you clench when you feel yourself nearing your high. Itâs almost embarrassingly quick, but youâve been denied so long that you need to do it and you need to do it now.
âIâm going toâŠâ you gasp out, as he rubs circles into your clit. He lets out a loud grunt against you, his mouth working harder. âIâm cummingâgod, Iâm cumming!â
Your orgasm washes over you, hits you like a tidal wave in the middle of an incredibly large ocean. Tom works his tongue and lets you ride out your high, and he sighs and pulls away from your pussy when you come down.
Heâs gathered enough arousal to fill his mouth generously, and he kisses you flat on the lips. His tongue slides against yours and you can taste your shared arousal on him. You whimper, licking desperately at his salty spend, and itâs messy and sloppy and absolutely depraved. His teeth nip at you as you swallow it all down.
Youâre dizzy, on shaky legs. You turn around, finally getting to see Tomâs face coated in your slick and his cum. He grins at you, and something twists in your gut so primal you feel you might burst.
âBetter get to studying, Miss Y/L/N,â he says. âItâd be a shame if this missed study session made you fail your OWLs.â
boyfriend theo! who gazes up at you with those intense, dead eyes as he kisses the inside of your thighs, leaving bite marks in his wake.
boyfriend theo! who uses his lips, tongue, and fingers to fuck you until you're crying, whining, and squirming.
boyfriend theo! who whimpers and moans as you ride his face like you'd ride his cock.
boyfriend theo! who groans in pleasure against your folds when you tug at his hair, feasting like the munch that he is.
boyfriend theo! who intertwines your fingers together while you're riding his face cause he's romantic like that, murmuring how much he loves you, how perfect you are, how you're such a good girl for him.
boyfriend theo! who is rutting against the bed to ignore his own need cause he won't even think about fucking you until you've cum on his tongue at least three times.
boyfriend theo! who laughs when you're too afraid to put your full weight on him in case he can't breathe.
boyfriend theo! who tells you that he can hold his fucking breath if it means he gets to gorge himself on your taste.
boyfriend theo! who licks and sucks at you while offering you a hit of his joint.
boyfriend theo! who pulls you back in by your ankles when you try to squirm away from him, whining that you're too sensitive, you can't take anymore. it's too much, please, please.
boyfriend theo! who tells you that he's not done eating and that you'll take all of it, you've got another one in you, and that you've had enough when he says you've had enough.
In the hallowed halls of Hogwarts, you, a brilliant Ravenclaw scholar known for your unwavering dedication to academics, found yourself in an unexpected battle of wits with the notorious bad boy of Slytherin, Mattheo Riddle.
Assigned as his tutor, you clashed fiercely due to his reckless attitude, a sharp contrast to your meticulous, by-the-book approach to life. Despite his smart remarks and arrogant charm, you stood your ground, unfazed by his attempts to break your resolve.
However, one day, during a particularly tense tutoring session, Mattheo had finally had enough, and nothing was ever the same.
Can this secret, toxic situationship blossom into something more? Or will you two forever be secret enemies turned lovers, destined to crash and burn.
CHAPTERS->
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty One
Twenty Two
Twenty Three
Twenty Four
Twenty Five
Twenty Six
Twenty Seven
Twenty Eight
Twenty Nine
Thirty
Thank you to everyone who has followed along with this story so far. Iâd never have dreamed it would be so popular, and that Iâd meet some of the most amazing, supportive people ever while writing it. You all mean the world to me and I love you endlessly. Hopefully this makes it easier to find all the chapters:) xoxo
Info: FWB gets jealous seeing you kiss another guy at a party after the two of you had called things off.
Word count: 4.5k
Tags: 18+, PURE SMUT, PIV, FWB, Praise Kink, Degradation Kink, Begging, Teasing, Jealousy, Threats of Violence, Good Sex
"You look so fucking sexy..."
large hands belonging to an admittedly handsome Ravenclaw student that you failed to acquire the name of gripped your hips; firmly pulling you against his tall body as his lips grazed your ear, hot whiskey breath washing over you, intoxicating you even further than you already were.
One hand slid around to your ass, gripping a palmful of the plump flesh over the fabric of your Slytherin uniform skirt. Your breath hitched in your throat as he nipped your earlobe, teeth tugging gently on your emerald earring, his voice a low reverberation down your spine.
"I'd love to rip that awful fucking uniform off of you and get a taste of what you're hiding under there..."
Your cheeks burned, warmth flooding you as you chewed on your lip, bringing your mouth toward his own ear now as the two of you could hardly hear yourselves think amidst the blaring music coming from the speakers in the out-of-control Friday night Slytherin party, green flashing lights blurring your vision further than the alcohol was as you squinted to try and get a better glimpse of his face.
In your intoxicated state, you couldn't recognize this guy for the life of you. The only thing that gave away his Ravenclaw status was his uniform.
"I'd be careful with your next words there, little Raven," you purred, your unsteady fingers finding his shoulders. "I promise you, you'll regret coming into my house and disrespecting my emblem like that..."
Gods, you were fucking hammered, but since you and your friends-with-benefits had called things off last weekend; you'd been desperate to find someone new to hopefully satisfy you just as well as he did--but admittedly, your hopes were low.
Not many boys knew your body like the back of their hand, or knew exactly how to drive you sexually insane, the way Mattheo fucking Riddle did.
"Is that so?" His grip on your body tightened, a deep groan leaving his throat as he pressed his lips to your jaw. "I'm not quite sure a poor little serpent like you is any match for a big bad raven like me..."
"You'd be surprised," you retorted, slowly threading your fingers through his thick brown hair. "It's been proven that even the most intelligent birds couldn't elude the cunning serpent's snare..." you tilted your head, smirking. "But go on, underestimate me...that'll be fun."
His eyes widened, the darkness inside his pupils boring into you, drowning you in their endless voids. Your stomach twisted as your sight locked in with his, and you took a moment to analyze his features a little better. Gods, he looked so fucking much like Mattheo.
Why was it that you could never seem to get that fucking guy out of your head?
You were convinced that you were going to die one day with his gorgeous fucking face still haunting you--those dark penetrating eyes, that devilish, seductive smirk--that messy mop of chocolate curls that sat effortlessly adorable over his forehead. Fuck, you hated him.
You hated him for fucking you so good you couldn't stop fucking thinking about him; even after the endless bickering and arguing the two of you had been going through over the last few weeks, causing a consensual end to your hookups--you hated him for occupying your mind even while you were pressed up against an undeniably sexy new guy, who clearly had a deep interest in you, who clearly wanted to fuck you until your legs gave out.
You should be happy right now, you should be overly fucking ecstatic, practically brimming with relief as the Ravenclaw guy leaned in, pressing his lips to yours and capturing your mouth in a sloppy, intoxicated kiss; his tongue slipping past your teeth as his hands gripped your ass with enough force to bruise--you should be completely fucking overjoyed as your lids fluttered shut, your mouths working over the others with a little too much desperation as you stood in the middle of the crowded common room, fervent fingers gripping onto each other as though your lives depended on it.
You should be happy, but you're not.
When you broke the kiss, the Ravenclaws brows furrowed, but before he had a chance to ask you to his dorm, and in a hopeful attempt at subtly saving yourself, you brought your lips toward his ear, trying to sound as sexy and inconspicuous as possible. "Why don't you get us some drinks?"
When he smirked, nodding in agreement, he graced your ass with one last squeeze before he spun around, making his way across the room and heading toward the bar station. You watched him as he went, and as soon as he had disappeared within the sea of inebriated bodies; you let out a long, exasperated breath; spinning on your heel to quickly make your way to the bathroom and away from that spot before he returned.
Sure, you felt bad for ditching him like that, but he was just as drunk as you were. He'd forget you even existed by the morning.
As you shoved your way through the endless amounts of drunk, sweaty bodies, you'd almost successfully broke through the crowd when a strong, firm grip wrapped around your wrist; hot breath washing over your neck as a tall body pressed against your backside--a height so towering and presence so intoxicating you already knew, without hearing his voice or seeing his face, that it could only be one fucking man.
"Where you headed, princess?" Mattheo's deep, husky drawl rolled through your eardrums like honey; a slow, thick, and admittedly fucking seductive pitch. "You're not really going to ditch that poor bastard after getting him going like that, are you?"
You turned your head, trying to glimpse him over your shoulder, fighting to hide your smirk. "I don't see how that's any of your business, Riddle."
"Ouch...one week without my cock and we're already back to second name basis, huh?" His grip tightened, his body heat enveloping you, his plush lips pressed tight against your ear. "I'm just surprised...you looked like you were enjoying yourself."
"Stalking me, are you?" You scoffed, trying to pry your wrist from his hold but he tightened his grip even further, other hand snaking around to your hip. "Is the big heartless Riddle boy jealous?"
He chuckled, and you could almost see the smirk on his lips. The feeling of his chest rumbling against your back did inexplicable things to your cunt. Gods, you hated how you were already fucking melting for him and you haven't even taken one single look at his face.
"Were you thinking about me?" He purred, teeth nipping at your ear, the arrogance in his tone igniting flames in your veins. "When his tongue was halfway down your fucking throat, were you wishing it was mine?"
"Give me a break, Mattheo." Your head was spinning, oxygen evaporating; but you knew you needed to play it off. "Don't fucking flatter yourself."
"You know you love the things I fucking did to you..." by this point his voice was a low growl, his tone so deep and dark in your ear it sent shudders skittering down your spine. "You know you'll search for me in every single sad sack you try to distract yourself with."
Heat flashed your face, his fingers digging into your hip with enough force to bruise. "Jealous of a Ravenclaw...must be a tough pill to swallow for the Slytherin prince-"
When his teeth sunk into your earlobe with enough force to basically tell you to shut up without actually saying it, you yelped--eyes fluttering shut as he tugged you back against him with added force.
"Keep talking, princess, and I won't hesitate to walk over there and rearrange his fucking face..." he spat the words through barred teeth, your bones shaking with the deep vibration. "Do you even know his name? Huh? Do you even know who the fuck he is?"
Gods, you were cursing yourself. As if you were about to fold for this man after he'd basically told you to fuck off and leave him alone no less than a week ago. Your brain knew, above all else, that what you were about to do was completely fucking wrong--but your cunt paid no mind to your brains protests. Your cunt wanted Mattheo Riddle.
"No, Matty, I don't..." you whispered, tilting your head to give him better access to you neck. "Lots of night left, though...I'm sure I'll be quite familiar with it when I'm screaming-"
He sunk his teeth into your neck now, forcing a sharp squeal from your lips--another commanding gesture to silently warn you that if you kept talking, he was going to fucking lose it. Part of you hoped he would.
"What have I told you about saying my fucking name like that, princess..." he growled, licking a flat strip up the side of your throat. Fuck, you loved that tongue. That skilled, tentative fucking tongue. "And if you keep talking like that, the only thing you'll be screaming is for me to stop when I'm beating his fucking face into the floor..."
His words made you fucking shudder, a full body tremor against his built chest, entirely unable to control yourself now. The need between your thighs was becoming more insistent by the second, and at this point--you were at a complete loss for words; your lips involuntarily uttering the one word you knew you'd never forget how to say, regardless of how speechless you were.
His name. "Mattheo..."
"There she is..." he murmured, the praise in his tone making your breath hitch in your lungs. "Aren't you glad you met me? I know you got me stuck inside your memory..."
Long fingers slipped under the fabric of your shirt, grazing over your stomach. Bodies were everywhere, drunk students around you paying absolutely no mind to the intoxicated sins the two of you were about to commit.
"No," you uttered, so quiet you weren't even sure if he'd heard it. "I want you out of my fucking head..."
He purred in satisfaction, revelling in the fact you'd finally admitted to missing him. "Should've listened to me, princess...told you I was bad for you..."
More heat swarmed you, your thighs screaming; begging in need. "We can't keep doing this...it's so wrong, Matty..."
"But it feels so right, doesn't it?" His hand around your wrist snuck down to your hip, his other pressed against your stomach; pulling you tighter against his crotch--your breath evaporated when you felt his aggressive bulge against your ass. "Feel that, princess? That's what you fucking do to me..."
He pressed his lips to your pulse, teeth softly grazing over it, and you mewled; head falling back against his shoulder, body melting into his own--surrendering yourself to his intoxicating dominance just as you've done time and time before.
"I hate myself for letting you do this to me..." you breathed, head rolling to the side as his teeth worked purple possession marks into your skin. "I'm so stupid for you..."
"That's it, admit it, baby...admit that you missed this..." his grip tightened, tone thickened with lust. "You're my little devil, you know I'd sin for you..."
At his words, your entire body ignited into pure fucking flame, magma replacing the blood that flowed through your veins; threatening to melt your uniform and leaving you in nothing more than a pile of ash at his feet. You were done talking, you needed his fucking cock.
"Are we gonna quit the talking and do something about it then, hm?" You purred, tilting your head back to meet his eyes for the first time; your head spinning as you drowned in the dark hurricane of their desire. "Show me how you'd sin for me, Matty..."
"I'll show you, baby, I'll fucking show you..." he said, wetting his lips as he held your stare. "Your dorm or mine?"
Music to your fucking ears. "Yours."
Without another word, Mattheo gripped your wrist, his hold like a snake, slithering around you gently at first; slowly increasing its pressure until he'd cut the blood flow, threatening suffocation of your lungs and leaving you with only hungry, primal desire--eradicating all thoughts of just how horrible of an idea you knew this was. He dragged you out of the common room and toward his dorm, not sparing you a single glance as he ripped open the door and pulled you inside; slamming your back up against it as it closed, one hand snaking toward the lock and clicking it tight into place.
When he paused, two hands finding residence against the wood on either side of your head; not moving, only staring, it was as though the rest of the world faded away--and all that was left was the cunning, messy brown haired boy in front of you. His presence filled the room, suffocating you, stopping your heart mid-beat. He loomed over you, toes centimeters from your own, chest so close that you both would touch with a deep enough breath.
You scanned his body, heart pounding, palms sweating from the impending reality of your desire, and he smirked, leaning closer.
"I don't think I can allow another man to lay a fucking finger on you ever again..." he whispered. "I don't think that perfect fucking pussy can belong to anyone fucking else."
"Since when did it belong to you, Matty?" You shuddered, deciding to test him a bit. "I thought we were just casual-"
"You think anyone else could fuck you stupid like I do?" You could practically feel his fingernails digging into the wood beside your head, the anger building in his eyes. "How about your exes? How'd they fuck you, huh?"
Your throat tightened. "Mattheo-"
"Say it." He growled, leaning closer--so close your noses brushed. "You want me to make you fucking cum, princess? Say that little pussy is mine."
Gods, curse your fucking insatiable need to get fucked. At this point, you were fully cognizant of the fact that this man could make you say damned-near anything if it meant he'd get inside you. Swallowing your ego, you met his stare--as intense as it had ever felt--and licked your lips.
"It's yours, Matty..." you murmured. "It's all yours."
Mattheo Riddle smirked. "That's fucking right."
Unable to decide between indignant and patronized, you eschewed both, and instead opted to hook your fingers into his belt, pulling yourself into him while you boosted yourself on your tiptoes to meet his lips with your own. Your kiss was hungry and demanding as you sought to memorize his mouth with your tongue. Mattheo's large hands cupped your face, fingers delving into your hair while he pressed into you, forcing you back tighter against the door.
You groaned against his lips, writhing underneath him while you slid your tongue along his teeth, seeking to know every part of him, needing him to want you--to fucking need you like you needed him. Mattheo drew in a breath through his nose and pushed deeper, like he wanted to fuse you with the door, and your hands shot into his hair, a shiver running through you as you felt how soft, how luxurious it was between your fingers.
Another soft groan rumbled in your chest, and--having distant, fuzzy deja vu of the countless encounters prior--you wrapped the curly tendrils of his hair around your fingers and yanked it.
At that, a deep moan left his throat, and he pulled back, waves of harsh breath crashing over him. His blackened eyes darted across your face, switching between your lips and eyes. "Fucking naughty little thing..." he huffed, smirking.
"For you, always," you murmured, and he groaned, wetting his lips as he leaned closer.
"Fuck-that's right...I love it when you're bad...you only act this way for me, huh?" His voice was a low purr, warm breath crashing your face. "That why you didn't fuck him? That why you ran?"
Chewing your lip, you nodded, and tugged his hair again, bringing him to your mouth once more.
He smirked against you and his hands fell to your hips, roaming the swell of your curves before gripping the underside of your thighs and hiking you onto the door. Immediately, the aching length in his pants ground into your center while his tongue fought its way into your mouth. Without you having to think, your legs circled him, and your hips were grinding back, pursuing any friction and heat you could find.
You peeled away to catch a breath, hands resting in his hair, and his lips went to work on your neck, suckling and nibbling the skin there.
"Matty...please..." you murmured, already begging for something, anything. "I need you."
Snuffing a groan, Mattheos grip bruised your hips as he bucked into you, grinding you against the door.
"You want me to fuck you, slut?" he said, breath hot on your neck. "Didn't get enough of my cock last time?"
"No-fuck-I didn't," you mewled, a slight embarrassment washing over you. "It's never enough."
Mattheo growled, his grip hardening to iron, and he licked a warm, wet line along your pulse. "That's right...that's what I like to hear..."
Sinking his teeth into your neck, he pushed off the door, walking over toward his bed as he held you against his chest. You watched the door get further and further away, lust building and growing in your chest as he nipped your jawline before grazing his lips over yours again, softly and briefly as he reached the edge of his mattress and laid you back against it.
When you hit the bed, he kept his mouth on yours while his hands left your waist; fervent fingers finding the fabric of your button up blouse and untucking it from your skirt, cold hands slipping underneath and groping your tits through your bra--a deep groan leaving his chest as you bucked your hips up against his crotch; wanting him closer, needing him closer.
His hands slid back down, finding the hem of your skirt and flipping it up your stomach, wasting zero fucking time before he hooked his thumbs around the band of your thong and peeled them down your thighs. The minute you were exposed, you heard the clatter of his belt buckle hitting the floor, and your pussy throbbed.
"Matty..."
Mattheo chuckled, the weight of his stare resting on your naked pussy; wallowing in your clear desperation for him.
"Look at you," he murmured. "So fucking wet." He released a long breath--he was testing his own patience, now. "This perfect body can't help but to crave me..."
You groaned as he teased your inner thigh with one hand, the other working to peel his shirt off his torso in one swift movement--exposing his hard, firm fucking abs and leaving him looming before you in just black briefs--looking as delicious and sexy as you've ever goddamn seen him.
As his long fingers ghosted over your folds, you arched, groaning when he brushed past it toward the inside of your other thigh; squirming in slight frustration, admittedly the teasing was absolutely getting to you now.
"Mattheo, I swear to-"
A firm, sharp smack to the sensitive skin of your inner thigh stopped the words in your throat; your stomach twisted as you watched Mattheo's eyes darken and lips curl sadistically.
"Is that how I taught you to ask for what you want?" He sneered, wetting his lips as he met your pleading eyes. "You know what I want to hear, princess."
You winced, swallowing your pride furthermore, until it was eroding in your stomach acid. "Please, Matty...please make me cum..."
His lips parted. "Good girl.â
His hum of approval was followed by the warm kiss of his fingertips along the sensitive lips of your pussy, feathersoft at first, and then one thick finger slipped between your folds, gliding between them, slicking itself with your wetness and grazing the swollen nub of your clit. That did it--blinded with relief, you cracked, moaning deep in your chest. Blood flushed your face, tingling your cheeks.
"You like that?" He brushed the bundle of nerves again, earning another shuddered groan. "You like the way I touch you? The way that pretty pussy responds to me?"
"Yes...Gods, yes..." you replied, the sentence coming without thought.
"That's right..." his free hand wrapped around the back of your thigh, tugging you closer to the edge of the bed, fingers swirling around your clit in tight circles, and you gasped, your mouth dropping in bliss, your rapid panting filling the steamy air.
"Fuck you're so sexy, my dirty little whore in her short little uniform skirt..." a stifled groan cut through his throat, and you shot a glance at him; one hand rubbing his strained erection through his boxers. "It took everything I had not to bend you over the fucking desk in class all week...fuck you know how to test me..."
You cried out, your pussy clenching, craving to be filled by him. "Matty, fuck-please..."
"Please what?" He growled.
Gods, curse him--curse him to bloody hell. You couldn't fucking handle this anymore. You knew he was punishing you, making you fucking beg and shatter and cry for it after what you'd done; and the way his fingers stroked your clit had you spasming, jerking--so close to cumming, you just wanted him inside you.
"Please." You banished all pride and ego and fucking common sense to the perimeter of your mind. Asylum. Just this once. "Please, fuck me...please."
"Tell me I'm the only one." He hissed, slipping a finger inside your wet, throbbing core; your back arching off the mattress as his thumb increased its pace on your clit. "Tell me you'll never let another man put his fucking hands on what's mine."
A cyclone was roaring in your brain, tearing apart coherent trains of thought with primitive, physical clamoring. Your response was pieced together by the efforts of your need for release alone.
He was staring at you, face blank, surveying you while you twitched and jerked underneath his ministrations. His focus switched between your pussy--desperately throbbing and melting against his touch--and your red, sweating face, jaw slack from your haze of pleasure. You chewed your lip--it was bruised by now, certainly--clenching hard, and he groaned, pulling his boxers down to let his thick, needy cock spring free.
"Cum for me, slut." He ordered. "Cum for me right fucking now."
As if controlled by a remote in his hands, a tidal wave of euphoria slammed into you, walls pulsing, body wracked with the convulsions of an aggressively pent up orgasm, vision whiting out as you threw your head back, a loud string of unintelligible curses flying from you. Mattheo hummed, hand working you to the end of your orgasm as his free one slowly stroked his cock, watching every tiny ministration of your face with an exasperated expression until he was certain you were past it.
And when he was, he wasted no fucking time before he gripped your ankles in his hands, staring down at you as he began to rock his hips; his hard, throbbing dick sliding between your slit.
"Tell me you want it," he purred. "Beg for it."
You groaned. "Please, I want it MattyâŠI want you so fucking bad."
With a goddamn suffocatingly arrogant and devilish grin, he braced himself as he sunk into your pussy; your wet walls swallowing his cock with ease as you let loose a long, satisfied moan--Mattheo sucked a breath in through his bared teeth as sheathed himself all the way inside your cunt, pausing there to feel you clench and adjust around him.
"So fuckin' tight..." he groaned, head bowing. "Fuck you feel so good around me."
Your eyes squeezed shut, your fingers finding Mattheo's hands until he gathered both of your wrists and pinned them above your head with just one of his, leaning over you to fuck you deep and hard as his free hand snuck down to your clit. Throttled cries of pleasure were leaking from you, your conscious slipping from reality as he pummelled your pussy like you deserved the pain.
"Fuck, yes," you practically screamed. "You fuck me so good Matty...so deep, fuck-"Â
A deep snarl roared from Mattheo's chest, his grip on your wrists tightening while he fucked you deeper, harder, your body rocking from the power of his thrusts. You could feel his ragged breath on your face, knew without seeing him that he was above you, lips parted, pupils blown.
"Look at me," he growled. "Let me see those eyes as you fucking cum for me."
Groaning, you obeyed, lids fluttering open to meet his gaze. Mattheo was possessed, looking past you, through you, panting with every snap of his hips. You lost yourself in his stare, the rest of the room falling away, and his fingers moved faster over your clit, bringing you to that precipice once more. Little choked moans left you while your jaw hung slack, his cock pounding into you--then his fingers hit just the right spot, and the massive, asphyxiating pressure inside of you imploded. Mattheo watched you, not even blinking once.
You thought you kept your eyes open, but you weren't sure, because you whited out, spasming and convulsing as your orgasm wracked your every cell, your every nerve, taking you to a height you'd never been to, never thought existed. Distantly, you were aware of your cunt drawing out Mattheo's climax as he cursed and dug his teeth into your shoulder, fucking you harder as he spilled himself deep inside of you.
You hadn't realized what had happened until your spirit returned to your body and you felt the burn of hot, wet tears streaming down your cheeks--evidence of your relief--followed by Mattheo collapsing on top of you, cock buried still inside your pussy, and both of you drank in lungfuls of air, starved for it, your brains fuzzy with the static of euphoria. You both laid there for a moment, rapt in the descent back to reality, until he pushed himself up and pulled out, holding you firmly in his stare again.
As he began to piece his clothes back together, you gathered your composure, pulling yourself up and off his bed, fixing yourself back to some form of decency. As you swallowed, watching Mattheo latch up his belt, he met your eyes again; the dark lust slowly fading, being replaced by an unspoken emotion you couldn't attempt to name.
"This isn't over." He breathed, moving back toward you. "We aren't over."
When your lungs hitched, you nodded, admitting to yourself that you already fucking knew you couldn't live without that. Without him.
A Ravenclaw with a surly attitude and sharp tongue.
A Slytherin with a cocky smirk and sarcastic flair.
It was no secret that Y/N and Theodore Nott were the worst academic rivals Hogwarts had ever seen. Since first year, the two have been vying for the top spot. As their seventh and final year rolls around, will the serpent and the eagle overcome the titular sins of pride and prejudice and succumb to the brewing tension between them or will their claws and teeth prevent them from acknowledging their feelings?
chapters
chapter one.
chapter two.
playlist
đ kiss with a fist - florence and the machine
đ baby said - mĂ„neskin
đ high enough - k. flay
đ bohemian rhapsody - queen
đ me and the devil - soap & skin
đ w.i.t.c.h. - devon cole
đ it's nice to have a friend - taylor swift
đ people i don't like - upsahl
đ only love can hurt like this - paloma faith
đ the way i loved you - taylor swift
đ 18 - one direction
đ those eyes - new west
đ we made it - david hugo
â patience, please, and thank you. tom riddle x reader
summary. you and tom have always sought to best one another in school. it doesnât help that upon graduating, you work for opposing shops.
tags. rivals to ⊠rivals with benefits? lovers? thereâs no real animosity just #flirting so i donât know, SMUTT minors begone, fluff that may be ooc to some but Not Me, reader literally learns archaic latin for this man, poor boy x rich girl trope if you squint, pureblood reader (and mentions of pureblood marriage politics), explicitly f!reader this time sorry!, fem anatomy, fingering, piv, tldr tom riddle would be turned on by the culminated tension of an eight-year-long academic rivalry.
note. i was 5k words into something else (that is probably better) before this came to me and would not go away so. here it is. don't know where all the smut is coming from. head empty
word count. 6.4k
The bell to Borgin and Burkes knells low and hollow in your ear as you enter, and there he is. Prim waistcoat and perfect hair, tucking books away with a wave of his wand. Far too pretty a thing for a dusty place like this, you think, and you smile with your head held high, pretending to take in the inventory as if that's ever been your reason for coming here.
âYou mightn't consider leaving at all," Tom says, regarding you briefly before returning to his books, âif you're going to return this often."
âOh, Riddle, but then what would you do without my company? Talk to the bones?"
âA tempting offer when considering my alternative.â
He leans against the counter to watch you as you make your way down the aisle, fingers jolting as they brush the shelves of dark paraphernalia, preemptively casting a locking jinx on a particularly nasty skeletal hand that grabbed you once last year.
âIs there anything you're looking for?"
âNothing in particular,â you hum as you peruse, âCuriosities of your friendly competitors.â
âFriendly,â he repeats, like heâs tasting a strange flavour.
You smile with just enough polished barb that you hope it bothers him. âMost cordial. And I am nothing if not the dutiful volunteer for the task."Â
It is an objective truth that you are good at many things. Tom is good at all of them and perhaps one more: being pushed significantly and never showing symptoms of breaking. You'd like to be the one to change that.
âI presume you intend to leave with something?" There's a challenge in his voice, clear as day, as he stands straighter, but â not bothered. Not bothered, just intrigued. His hands fold behind his back and his chin comes up, daring you to say a single snarky thing that isn't true â that you're here to taunt him. Not to buy a thing, and not to enjoy his company.
It was such a boring day before this. If he only knew, he might have a tad more sympathy.
âBreathe, Riddle â if you can through all the dust in here â I've plenty of money to spare; thereâs no need to fret about me leaving empty-handed." You select a book at random to prove your point, waltzing closer to hand Tom four sickles from your coin purse.
You're pleasantly surprised to see him actually smile, the corners of his mouth stretching with only the slightest degree of mirth. He reaches out and takes the coins, setting both upon the counter before turning up his nose at the book in your hands. âIt must be an enthralling read to capture your attention."
You smooth the cover over with manicured hands and shrug at the indecipherable title. âWell, Iâm remiss not to have a clue. I believe it's in Latin."
He runs his hand along the book, thumbing the pages with a raised brow. âItâs a history text. Ancient Roman institutes of magic.â His gaze returns to you. âWill that be all?â
You roll your eyes. He would know a dead language â it's such a remarkably Riddle thing to do â probably just for the sake of knowing it.Â
âYes, if that's satisfactory enough that I may be permitted to walk the premises without causing offence."
âOf course. Though I do expect a review of it soon," he adds, âto know whether my time hasn't been entirely wasted."
âA review?" You laugh. âAnd I suppose you ask that of all your customers? Mind the matter of it being in a language I don't know; it would take me a few months for a crude translation at best."
âOnly my best customers," he says with a small shrug, as if that isn't a completely arbitrary standard he's just pulled out of nowhere. âIn that case, you've the better part of a year to read it," he adds, and the smile on his face is less thin, less restrained, more cocky.
You raise a brow, scanning over the words on the first page as if hoping something will stick out. It's all gibberish. âI'm being timed now, am I? I don't recall accepting the task."
"Do you not?"
You scoff. "Of course I do."
âOr perhaps I could translate for you?" he suggests, âIt's really no bother for me."
You should be offended â he's eternally eager to see you fail â but your stomach flips at the premise of a challenge you haven't felt since you were in school together, and most importantly, you never fail. âGive me a date, Riddle.â
âI think by Christmas would be fair. Does that give you enough time, or shall I set it a bit later?"
âChristmas," you agree, shaking his hand with all professionalism you can muster (this is, after all, a very professional exchange), turning away, and smiling to yourself as the shop bell tolls again.
Itâs only weeks before Christmas when it occurs to you that this isnât even for anything. Thereâs no prize should you win, no one else is aware of it, itâs a great waste of time when what began as a passable weekend hobby has now drowned you in English-Latin dictionaries and histories of Ancient Rome. The shop surpasses last yearâs sales and youâre dozing off into your motherâs pastry dish during the family celebration. Even your father telling a rather pitiful tale of his Polyjuiced visit to Borgin and Burkes canât keep your attention when he drones on about how easily he fooled Mr Borgin into remembering the details of some spat twenty years ago. Your brain is in a half-scattered language. It tugs you to what might be the most depressing December 25th of your life if youâre forced to give Tom the gift of your failure.
So you double-down. Your social life is nonexistent. Youâre three quarters through the textbook and dreaming about duelling Tom under the Arch of Constantine, and he wins, and he wins, and he wins each time. It only propels you more. Youâre downing Invigoration Draughts like a drunkard with a cradle of firewhisky.Â
And you do it.Â
You finish the damn book, you think you might have actually fucking learned Latin with how deep the words have rooted in your skull, and you win.
You win, in your prettiest dinner dress, snow clinging to your hair, wrapped in a brand new coat as the shop bell tolls and you step inside.
Youâre grateful you donât say as much (which you were planning on doing â planning on slamming the door shut behind you and carolling your bloody success) because itâs Mr Burke at the counter this Christmas evening, not Tom.
â...Miss?â He regards you with perplexity behind the counter.
You blink, recollecting yourself and stepping forward to shake his hand. âMr Burke. My family wished to extend their best wishes for the new year.â
âQuite a gesture," comes a familiar voice from behind you as Tom steps out from the staircase, dressed in a dark suit and overcoat, like heâs just been out. Heâs smiling. He looks disgustingly well.
You glance between the two men, and Burke bows curtly as if made aware of something heâd previously been warned of. âTo yours as well, miss.â And then heâs off to assist the only other customer, an elderly woman in fur-lined green with so many glittering pins in her hair she resembles a Christmas tree.
âRiddle,â you say, facing him, unable to hide the triumphant grin that digs into your cheeks. You hand him the book, and atop it, your three pages of articulate, edited review.
âYou made it. You read it," he acknowledges, though you doubt heâs surprised, and then nods to the stairs. âCome.â
You follow him up the narrow spiral into a short corridor, taking one look back at the old woman, now clasping a shrieking bauble you gladly turn away from. The door Tom opens is unlocked, presumably where heâd just come from, and â you feel a bit overwhelmed if youâre correct, but you have no idea what else it could be â presumably his flat.
When you enter, the door shuts behind you with an empty click of the latch. The room before you is rather sparse, a kitchenette in one corner, a cramped study in the other, with books upon books and scrolls stacked high on shelves along the dark walls. There's only the barest of seating, two armchairs beneath a dim desk lamp, a small table beside the fireplace, and⊠a bed, of all things, separated only by a thin divider and the courtesy of enough distance not to immediately draw the eye. You, of course, can't quite help it, gaze lingering on the tidy sheets and back to him.
It isnât a thought you do well to dwell on. Too many directions for your imagination to roam.
âWell then," you say, hanging your coat at the door and trying not to display any overt anticipation as the parchment rustles in his hand, âShall I just sit and await your evaluation?"
He raises a brow. âI was going to ask if youâd like tea. Do sit, though.â
Oh. Yes, right, youâre rushing things. Hospitality. Decorum. Consideration. You suppose Tom Riddle would extend those things for the sake of posterity if nothing else. âSomething black, if you have any, please.â
The water comes to a boil quickly under the steady heat of his magic, and youâre sinking into a shockingly comfortable armchair taking in every shape and blemish of the room while youâre in it. You donât have to guess that he doesnât have many guests.
âDarjeeling,â Tom says as he offers you a steaming cup, âif thatâs satisfactory.â
You resist a scowl at his mocking tone, placing the tea on a glass coaster and glancing purposefully at your work (your magnum opus, really) once more. âPerfectly.â
Tom notes your look with a smile, settling into the seat opposite yours.Â
You take a sip of tea and lean back. âDo go on.â
âEager,â he mutters, but begins.
He skims over the opening line before flipping the book open as if to be sure you havenât made it all up, and then you think you probably could have made it all up if you wanted. Read one of the hundreds of magical histories of Rome that certainly existed â probably in your own shop, at that â and gathered much the same conclusion. But you did not. Tom must know you did not.Â
The silence is thick as he reads, waned only by the crackle of the fireplace and the occasional turn of a page. His brows furrow the way you always remember catching in school, like he's concentrating on a particularly hard puzzle, and you have to busy yourself with a nearly empty cup of tea to pretend not to notice the way his beauty is something almost delicate. Framed by firelight and the indigo gloss of the night shining in through the window, you imagine his hair mussed, his long eyelashes speckled with snow, his cheeks pink from the cold. You wonder about him in a nicer suit than this. You could buy him one, if you liked.
And then, at last, he looks up over the parchment, expression carefully measured. âI'm impressed.â
You put your cup down and you canât help it. You're smiling. You're proud. His approval is like bottling the tail of a rainbow (which youâve been told is possible), and it's a feeling thatâs been absent from you for so long, it's never come from him â Merlin, you've always wanted it to come from him, havenât you?
âYouâre impressed?â you ask, as you love nothing more than to push. âIs that all?â
He loves nothing more than to keep his face impassive, but thereâs a twitch there. Something youâre aware you can only spot because of how much attention you pay him.Â
âI enjoyed your perspective on the Romansâ utilisation of firedrakes. It was well-thought.â
âWell-thought?â
âQuite good, yes.â
âGood," you say, grinning in the bulk of your triumph, âI suppose that means I win."
Win. Youâre not winning anything but the implication that Tom is somehow losing. Still he does not break, and you think at seventeen he would have. At nearly twenty his smile just grows. âHave you ever done anything less?â
Is he pushing too? That could be fun.
âOh, first year tribulations. Nothing since â you wouldnât remember.â
âHm, I do recall an unfortunate lesson with a matagot in Beasts, and that must have been, whatââ He tilts his head as though to ponder itâ âfourth year?â
You narrow your eyes. âPaid an ever-close watch on me, did you, Riddle?â
âAs close as anyone else.â
âAnd by that you mean to sayâ?â
âOnly that itâs a most fascinating custom, the matter of pureblood marriage. It was hard to avoid your name in a common room full of your particular politics.â
âAh,â you hum, summoning the teapot from the kitchenette to pour another cup, âso my potential marital affairs are what drew your attention. And here I was thinking it was because I was the only person who could ever best you.â
He stops your tea mid-motion, and you still as he sends both the pot and the cup to the table beside you. âCan it not have begun as one and have become the other?â
âWell, your curiosity knows no end; I should be flattered by such multifaceted interest.â
âSo you wonât mind my inquiring.â
âWhatever you wish, Riddle.â
âUpon the current status of your betrothal.â
You blink, and then laugh. âThere is no betrothal. At present.â
âAt present. Is it subject to change?â
âThereâs always talk,â you offer, and it offers impressively little.
âElaborate...â
âI donât know that youâre in any position to be making demands, Riddle,â you gibe, âconsidering I paid four sickles to prove you wrong and I havenât anything to show for it but my pride.â
He smiles. âNot enough to sate your desire to make me grovel, it seems.â
âYou? Grovel?â You gasp, fingers circling your knee idly. âWhat a fascinating concept⊠Wait now, Iâm trying to paint the picture.â
âIs that not what you came for?â he asks, and itâs odd to see him amused by the idea. You push and push and he just continues to take. âTo prove me wrong? To puncture my pride?â
You shrug innocently, even though youâd just said as much. âIâm here to wish you a Merry Christmas.â
He laughs, a warm, quiet laugh â more of a breath than anything â but true if you can read him at all, and thatâs a bit alarming. âOf course. Near nine months of exhaustive translation all to bid me a nice holiday. It sounds almost like grovelling, doesnât it? Wait, now, Iâm trying to paint the picture.â
You bite back your smile. Damn him. Heâs never been funny before. Thatâs a problematic development.
âFine.â Your legs are already crossed and now youâre crossing your arms too, and you look very reserved compared to his relaxed stature. âA match would, of course, need to be of good title.â
âOf course,â Tom says, without even an attempt at masking his amusement.
âAnd he would need to be rich.â
âNaturally.â
âIt would help to be from one of the Sacred Houses.â
âI should not expect anything less.â
âAnd I suppose age is a factor,â you go on. You push, and push, and push. Tom is impervious. He takes.
âWhat age would do well?â
âNear enough to my own. For health, of course.â
âFor health,â he agrees delightedly.
What the hell are you talking about?
âIt would be preferable that he be handsome.â
âAnd of his character?â
âMost agreeable.â
âDocile?â
âHm, docile, yes.â
âIt is a long list.â
âIâve been told Iâm a difficult woman to sate. Far too prideful, apparently.â
Your fingers are drawing figure-eights on your thigh now, and Tomâs eyes flash briefly to the motion. You stop as though caught, and you arenât sure why.
âA defamatory accusation,â he says quietly.
You wonder if his voice has always had that tinge to it: the gravel underlining his polish like the crack of the fire, and â that must be why itâs so warm in here, too. It has been that way since you arrived, hasnât it? Such polarising temperatures between your walk in the snow to this, you must have only just adjusted⊠an hour after arriving. Itâs completely logical.
âSo there are talks,â you repeat, if only because youâve blanked on all else.
âWell,â he says, eyes boring into yours in a way that makes you feel transparent, âI wish you all the best. If it at all helps, you can now add a moderate understanding of Latin to your list of virtues.â
You drape an arm across your chair to match his easy posture. (And how is it he manages to look regal and informal at the same time?) âMy list of virtues? Elaborate.â
He shakes his head with a small smile and you point an accusatory finger at him. âAh, ah, Riddle â I won, remember? And I indulged your inquiring regardless.â
His eyes narrow. âYou do want me to grovel.â
âItâs Christmas.â
âI donât believe thatâs the purpose of the day.â
âAnd that matters to you?â
He leans forward, looking over you as if your supposed virtues will reveal themselves upon scrutiny. Itâs a bit offensive, really. Youâd hope he could find more than enough with one glance.
He settles, after a long moment where you feel almost bare, on, âYour pride is agonising.â
Itâs â not exactly what you were hoping for. Not quite grovelling, by any definition, but then, what did you expect from him?
âExcuse me?â
âYour stockings are ripped at the calf.â
âRiddleââ
âYour lipstick may have stained my teacup. It is a shade Iâm rather fond of, but I do not wish to see a trace of it left behind.â
âQuite good,â you say through gritted teeth.
âAnd I should not be agonised â incautious and unfettered at a sliver of skin or the gesture of your mouth ââ You realise with horror that heâs speaking through something constrained too â âand yet I am.â
Itâs â is that a confession? Have you broken him? Have you won again? Your stomach flips and it doesnât feel at all like winning. He certainly doesnât look like a man whoâs lost. In fact, heâs watching you intently, and at your lack of response, the constraint forming a taut line on his lips seems to slip back into something deliberate. Curious.
You recover to the best of your ability. âIt is a short list.â
âShall I go on?â he asks, and itâs an answer, too: no, you have most definitely not broken him. He looks a bit like heâs found a neat pathway to breaking you instead.
âIâd hate to debase you further, Riddle.â
He leans in, and he might be about to stand, and that might be an irreversible thing to do. âAre you sure? I canât imagine youâve painted the picture yet.â
Oh, youâve painted the picture. Youâve painted a gallery.
âI find the image regrettable half-done. No point finishing it now.â
You do not.
âAnd besides,â you add, âI know my virtues.â
He smiles, and heâs half orange in the firelight and half blue in the night, green somewhere in the middle, and he should be condemned for being this beautiful. âElaborate.â
You shouldnât. âIâm intelligent.â
âMhm.â
âIâm a quick learner.â
âSo Iâve seen,â he agrees, still leaning in.
âIâm good at my job.â
And then he stands.
It is an irreversible thing. Your heart lurches like it knows heâs going to do something that cannot be undone. Your heart lurches because it is a thing youâve anticipated, quietly, on late nights in scrolls of Latin so you might be able to pretend to mistranslate them â you know, in your first tongue and any other, that you do not want it to be undone.
âAnything else?â he asks. You arenât sure if youâre resentful of the proximity of his seat to yours or grateful for it, because it takes no time at all for him to be standing before you.
âIâm well-mannered,â you say, and it comes out quieter than you mean for it to. âLettered in etiquette.â
âEtiquette," he repeats slowly, in a voice dripping with sarcasm, and you don't quite know how he manages an intonation like that, but there it is, dripping with so much contempt youâre surprised he doesnât fall over.
It wouldnât be terrible if he did. Heâd land right on top of you and put this little game to rest.
Instead he reaches a hand to your cheek â your hair â and brushes it like itâs an absolutely standard thing to do. He pulls away just the same. As if his hand is familiar with the shape of your face because itâs been there before. You'd definitely remember if it had.
âOf course,â you breathe, âpatience and pleases and thank yous.â
âIn all your manners, you might provide an example.â
Fine. If heâs going to be difficult. âIâd say Iâm displaying great patience right now.â
âHm.â His hands find yours where they sit on either arm of your chair, and his figure is blocking all light now. It shines on his shoulders, casts him like an aura. âThatâs one.â
You look at his lips, and donât bother to look away. You incline forward as much as you can when youâre caged in like this, until his breath is on yours and you can smell his cologne.
âPlease,â you say, and for the challenge in it you donât feel too humbled.
He is most obliging.
His lips just barely brush yours at first, and you did say you were patient â so you wait. The feather-light touch of them stills before it deepens, his hands pressing down on yours. Your open mouth. His tongue. You're kissing him, breathlessly and frantically and completely, and it is all you want.
Tom pulls back and you instinctively push forward. You will your eyes to open and heâs still right there â he hasnât gone anywhere (what a deranged concern that is) â lips an inch from yours, and heâs smiling.
âThatâs two.â
Oh. Oh, heâs an aberration in human variance. Thereâs something incredibly wrong with him.
There isnât a way of turning gratitude into a challenge, you think. It doesnât ask for anything. It appreciates. In this case it would more closely resemble worship. Thank you for your kiss, Riddle, Iâd be nothing without it.
So you search to find a way around it that still gets you what you want.
âIâll need a bit more than a lousy kiss if you want to see me grovel, Riddle." Your voice is a bit rough. You donât know that your confidence lands the way it typically does.
But you came here to â what was it â puncture his pride? Push him until he breaks? Youâve already made it halfway, and you are, after all, very good at it.
And you suppose he wants to earn the third, because he scowls and then heâs kissing you again and this time his hands are on your face, and perhaps they are somehow familiar with the shape because they fit around you in some inexplicably whole way, like they were made for it. With your hands free, youâre carding your fingers through his hair, hoping for that vision of him you imagined earlier, with thick, messy waves and flushed cheeks.
Tom brings a hand to your waist and tugs you in, and youâre partly pulled from the chair by his insistence and overwhelmingly pushing to get out of it yourself, lips never leaving his as you stumble past the meagre divider to his bed.
The backs of your thighs hit the footboard and your knees buckle, gasping away from Tomâs mouth as you reach for the bedpost. His breath is heavy as his hand curves to the small of your back to keep you steady, your dress bunched in his fist, and thereâs a heat in him pressed against you, like a match being held to kindling. And in the flash of fire when it finally strikes, everything in his eyes is clear, singularly focused, and he's pushing you to your back, splayed across his tidy sheets as he kisses you with bruising ferocity.
There's an urgency now to his movements that wasn't there before, and it's a stark contrast to his usual calculated demeanour, but that feels like winning. That feels like breaking Tom Riddle, whittling years of practised constraint to⊠this. That draws the third: makes you nice and grateful like he asked, because no part of you wants his careful fortitude here. You want to ruin him.
He appears to want the very same from you, which wrecks the whole thing.
Your legs move to wrap around him and he stops you, one hand pinning you by the hip and then down, past where you think heâll go, as he finds the hem of your dress and lifts it from your calf to your knee. He draws circles over the thinly-clothed skin and you can do nothing but lie there, panting a little, staring at him with less patience than youâd proclaimed to have. And then his fingers move upwards, and theyâre drawing figure-eights, and you understand that if this isnât a taunt, nothing is. He copies your earlier motions. He does not kiss you. His fingers trail higher and higher and theyâre soft like the shadows framing his face.
Finally he finds the waistband of your stockings and begins to tug them down your hips, stopping when he reaches that sliver of skin revealed by a tear in the fabric, taking your leg and hiking it up so he can look closely. He smiles, finger sliding down the tear in such a precise, meticulous fashion you canât help but think heâs doing it on purpose. The moment does not linger when he pulls away, shuffling your stockings down the rest of the way so your legs are unclad before him, your heels already kicked off somewhere across the floor.
He watches your sharp exhale when he ducks down to kiss the skin of your thigh. A shiver runs through you at his softness, another when you see his face, see his eyes go dark with want of you.
His constraint is back, and itâs fucking detrimental. The only silver lining you can find in it, and you hope to be correct (havenât you been so far?), is that maybe that means Tom Riddle can be broken in litany. Maybe he amends his ruination now but you can carve it out of him again later.
âCome here,â you say, your voice ragged.
Tom frowns, one hand pursuing a dangerous path up the inside of your thigh. âAnd here I was under the impression you wanted me to grovel.â
âOh,â you huff, âis that what this is? Not some feeble attempt at winning after I ââ
You grip his hair as his fingers curl under the lace of your underwear, as he smiles at the dampness there, the way your argument dissipates beneath his touch. âWinning?â he derides, breathy to match your tone in a way that feels cruel rather than considerate. You nod even as your breathing accelerates and he lifts the skirt of your dress to rest over your thighs, his eyes darting between your legs and your own heavy gaze as if he can't decide which is more intriguing. And then he slides a finger across your heat and you think heâs made his choice. "Is that what you think I want?"
You blink, feeling a bit lost. "What else is there?"
âWill you thank me after this?â
Right. That. You swallow, head falling back on his pillow. âDoubtful.â
âHm,â he mumbles, some kind of consideration that can only be answered by the movement of his fingers against you, slow as they seek to learn you.
You arrest the moan that rises in your throat, teeth clenching together as Tom climbs over you once more, his body keeping you in place to watch the sustained details of your expression as one of his fingers dips inside you. You hiss, and his gaze burns into you, his mouth parted with a degree of awe and you think perhaps this is the picture he painted â you, under him, eyebrows pinched together as your hands scramble for purchase on his chest, fighting to remain intact.
But then his thumb brushes up against your clit and you let out a sound â half a moan, half a mewl. Tom doesn't give you a second to recover as his lips come down on yours again, hard, desperate, like he's trying to inhale you. And you let him, you take the little bit of ruin he surrenders in the great expanse of yours.
Even if you could quiet your noises you stand to think Tom would feel them, taste them, bite down on them like he does your lower lip, a second finger coiling into you. Your hand smacks at his wrist, clutching his arm with such intensity you can feel every sinew of his movement as he works away at you. Your legs are trembling, pressing around his waist an act of simultaneous resistance and desperation as you push upwards for friction and conquest.
You find both. Undeniable hunger â how he groans softly against your open mouth, how the imprint against your thigh is hard under his trousers, how he wants you.
His ministrations only intensify when your hand searches for the buckle of his belt, gripping your jaw like he needs to watch you fall apart before you can find parity in your desperation. It isnât an impossible wish; your mind is hazy at the push and pull of his fingers, curving where his thumb draws ceaselessly on the other side, and you think, as much as youâre able right now, that he could succeed. But you force your eyes open to the space where your hand is wedged between your bodies, yanking hastily at his belt and sighing into his shoulder as it unfastens.
His trousers are unbuttoned, unzipped, and youâre arching into him with laboured pants even when your hand slips past them to find skin you've never travelled before.
Tomâs motions stagger when your fingers brush experimentally over his length, and you suddenly understand his ardent focus. You canât help but stare at the way his jaw ticks, a hiss parting through gritted teeth, and the fact that youâre doing this to him is almost enough to push you over the edge. You grip him in one hand, and his fingers move again like some act of defiance, tightening his hold on your jaw. And then youâre pumping slowly, carefully, the only way you think to with the intention of pleasing him. Of weakening him.
He turns your head so youâre gasping into the pillow, neck exposed for him to press his mouth to. His teeth and tongue are on you and your hand slips from him for a moment as you shudder. Fuck him. This isnât enough. You won't lose like this.
You tug at his waistcoat now, snapping open the buttons until the last few are clinging on by cheap threads. Youâll buy him that suit, you think. One that you can shrug off as fervently as you like without worrying about tearing the seams.
Your removal of his shirt is not aided by the swelling fire inside you, how the attention of his fingers has remained steady through your squirming and it feels like itâs culminating to something fatal. Your fingers grow shakier but don't stop their pursuit until every button is undone and you can soothe their trembling by pressing your palms against the warm expanse of his chest.
And then theyâre back in his trousers, pushing them down his thighs as he continues to chip away at you. You bite back moans and blink through your dizziness.
Tom stops, and it might be more devastating than if he hadnât. Your body is taut, a fine, thrumming wire spared a moment before snapping.
âMore,â is all you say, tracing the shape of him through his briefs.
âMore?â he asks. Thereâs a small mercy in the rasp within in his voice, the uncertainty despite himself. âI suppose that means I win.â
âWin?âÂ
His gall almost, almost pulls you back to reality. But heâs â heâs pulling his trousers further down and your body, like some separate entity to your mind, is flush against him when heâs finally free of all obstructions.Â
âMhm,â he hums, and almost-reality dwindles away into fucking nothing â disappears before your eyes when he brings his finger to his tongue and tastes you.
You tear him back to your mouth with a sound that so desperate your humility shouldnât be able to take it but that's all gone now. His lips are wet and swollen and youâre adjusting yourself so his hips are lined with yours, and your head rolls back when he positions himself against your core and stays there.
âI win,â you breathe. âEverything else is justââ
He moves, hands on your waist as he presses ever-so-slightly inside you. You clutch wildly at his arms, your eyes wrenching shut.
âLook at me,â he says softly. His thumb caresses your cheek as if any act of his acts of tenderness are at all actually tender and not depraved requests for your resignation.Â
You shake your head. âItâs ju-justââ
He sinks further, unhurried, and you feel like crying, your body clenching around him as the pressure deepens.
âJust what?â he asks, peppering kisses along your jaw.
âJust⊠um, justâŠâ
âHm?â
âI win... sâjust⊠cheatingâŠâ
You feel him smiling against your neck, and then he detaches his lips to observe you, nodding with false sympathy. âYou win.â
And he shifts himself forward so heâs pushed to the hilt.Â
Itâs a lie. Itâs a lie as Tom holds you against him, carving kisses into your skin that burn, as you shudder a moan into the thick, hot air, as he begins to move rhythmically inside you, your fingers digging crescent moons into his spine and dragging.
You don't win.
If you are steel honed over years, itâs this moment that you melt, and you think if you were to be fused again it would be in a different shape.
And you mean that. You honestly feel liquified when he splits you slow like this, rolling his hips as you cling to him for strength like he isnât the thing shattering you.Â
You rock to meet him, you bury your nails in his back, you rest your moans with your teeth in his shoulder â whatever you can think to make this fair. Make true to your word. You are going to break, it's true, but you are going to break Tom Riddle too.
âFingers,â you mutter, far too much of a demand for the way it almost stumbles into a sob, but Tom makes a strained sound in the back of his throat as if it gratifies him that you want it enough to ask.
âThank me,â he answers on a harsh exhale.
You bite at his collar, shaking your head, but your legs are starting to shake and you wouldnât ask if it was something you wanted â you mask it as an order because you need it. Because you imagine what heâs doing now combined with his thumb on your clit and itâs enough to make your abdomen clench just thinking about it.
Instead one of your hands forsakes the sweet curve of his muscles every time he thrusts into you so that it can snake between your own legs, and you mimic his earlier ministrations just long enough to drive a moan from your lips before Tomâs eyes dart from your lips, the rise and fall of your chest, to the hand missing from his back.
He grabs it with a scowl, pinning one wrist and then the other above your head.
âStubborn,â he hisses, and he buries himself inside you like it's something personal, persistent in his strokes when his fingers finally rub over you how you wanted.
And you know youâve done it when his head falls on your shoulder and you feel yourself tighten around him. His grip on your wrists is punishing. His mouth on your shoulder is stringent. Heâs hard and full inside you and his fingers slide against you in delicate, torturous contrast. You know because it all stutters a bit when you pull him into a kiss, when you know youâre about to plummet into oblivion and heâs gripping you through it like you might steady him â like you arenât the thing shattering him.
When you do, itâs something visceral. You think you might be spinning, or floating â screaming, maybe â spilling ill-mannered expletives in strings with his name because your hands are still trapped under his and your body can do nothing else. What you know, undoubtedly, is that youâre coming down from it for a long time, in a haze when you manage to breathe the words into his ear. âThank you.â
Tom breaks. Itâs the most beautiful you think heâs ever looked; eyebrows cinched and pink mouth parted, hair mussed like you wanted, neck tense as he stills inside you and you feel every part of him let go.
Your legs are too weak to cling to him through it, and you just pant under him, blinking languidly and in awe.
You stay like that for a long time.
He leans in when he finally pulls out of you, kissing you like one form of contact must be replaced with another. It's the same with his hands. He sinks into the space beside you and releases your wrists just to cup your face instead.
Yours come up instantly and shamelessly to his hair, craving nothing more than to curl your fingers through the dark mess of it. You trace the sharp shape of his cheeks, too, like his did to yours, like you need to memorize the lines of his expression and the heat of his skin before the world outside seeps in and it all goes cold.
But you pull away and you can't imagine it will.
Thereâs something in his eyes that feels new. Longing like heâs shed all pretence of acting like nine years of treading the lines of this rivalry has ever been anything but a pathetic display, like he knows you've shed it too. It makes you catch your breath to think this is what it feels like to be desired by Tom Riddle; that you desire him all the same; all this time.
âYou know,â you say, and your voice sticks dry to your mouth, âI still win.â
He shakes his head. He smiles. You want terribly to kiss him again.
âIâll just have to find something else to best you in, wonât I?â
You pretend like youâre considering it and not just staring at him.Â
Ok so I've come to obsess over Tom Riddle. Don't judge me on my choice of men. We all chose Sebastian. So...I used midjourney once again and this is what I got of Tom. And I'm debating if I want to do commission art. So if you like the idea. Tell me. I will add it to my Etsy shop. Bonus to the child version.
Welcome to the TMR Simp Pride Zone where we shamelessly daydream about Tom Riddle! All my fics come from 100% free-range, grass-fed prompts from fellow Tom Riddle Simps just like you and me. Feel free to submit your own prompts, and check out my Masterlist page for a more in-depth list of tags!
âšMultipart Ficsâš
Jealousy
A two-part minific based on a prompt about Tom getting super jealous over Reader, ends with a somewhat heated resolution ;)
PART I â PART II
The Last of Your Rules
Reader figures out a set of rules to survive navigating their FWB relationship with Tom Riddle, which goes great until he starts breaking them one by one. (Content warning: smut)
PART I â PART II â PART III â PART IV
Nox
Youâre trapped in a closet with Tom Riddle playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. What happens in the dark, stays in the dark. (Content warning: smut)
PART I â PART II
Mimicry
âYouâre going to destroy me,â he breathes, and his hand is at your throat, feather-light unlike the iron grip of his long fingers around your wrist. âYouâre going to like it,â you whisper back, right against his lips. (Enemies to Lovers, Potions class rivals, jealous!Tom, all the good stuffâŠ) (Content warning: smut)
âŸâđđžđđđŒââđđđââœ
PART I â PART II â PART III â PART IV â PART V â PART VI â PART VII â PART VIII â PART IX â PART X â PART XI â PART XII â PART XIII â PART XIVÂ â FINAL
white dove
âIf this is a game, then youâre playing too,â he says softly, stepping closer, âand if youâre playing too, then either one of us could be the winner.â
You watch him closely. The manâs eyes are dark, beautiful, and alight as he looks back at you, the tension in the air impossible to mistake and suddenly youâre wondering if perhaps you can win this after all. âOr both of us,â you say delicately. (Content warning: smut)
â¶Â·â·Â·âžÂ·âč·âș·â»
Take a Bite
The letter comes a week later, script like something off a fifteenth-century scroll written on smooth, cream-toned parchment in ink the colour of the sea water on a dark night. Heâs asking if youâd like to watch again Julia next Friday. He says he promises itâll only be for a few hours this time. He signs it T. M. Riddle. (Content warning: smut)
âđđŁđ„ đ â âđđŁđ„ đ â âđđŁđ„ đ â âđđŁđ„ đ â âđđŁđ„ đ â âđđŁđ„ đ â âđđŁđ„ đ
âšOneshotsâš
Palm-reading
Touch-starved Tom pretending heâs not dying over physical contact from Hufflepuff Reader, much to Readerâs amusement.
A Lot of Blood for a Prank
Tom finds Reader injured and helps in a very Tom way. Sort of implied dark!Tom, and Muggleborn Reader.
Dangerous
Ball-of-sunshine Slytherin Reader encounters a hint of Tomâs dark side for the first time, but it doesnât necessarily go how Tom expects.
Tactile
Affectionate Reader stops touching Tom because he never reacts to it, and when he asks why they stopped things get very, very heated. (Content warning: smut)
Something Elegant
A very beautiful boy walks into Muggle Readerâs bookstore and wants to buy something - but he doesnât seem to know what. Reader is determined to crack the case, and best of all, the boy keeps coming back.
Consume
Reader looks into Tom Riddleâs tea leaves on an unlucky day in Divination. Something looks back.
An Easy Mistake
Tom keeps trying to be nice to Hufflepuff Reader, but somehow it always seems to go wrongâŠ
Retribution
After somebody tries to slip Tom a love potion to break up him and Ravenclaw Readerâs relationship, they get a little bit theatrical in responseâŠ
Spoken For
Youâre already spoken for when Tom Riddle asks you to Slughornâs party, but luckily (or unluckily), Tom is hardly known to give up on anything he wants so easily. (Content warning: smut)
For Now
A very fluffy, very smutty, very indulgent Tom Riddle one-shot, read at your own risk. (Content warning: smut).
Presence
You give Tom Riddle a flower and itâs all downhill from there.
The Deal
Youâre stuck with the arrogant, charming Riddle at the ball and you canât imagine anything worse. Riddle appears to be imagining something else entirely. (Content warning: smut).
Possession
You have a very curious diary in your possession. Or then again, perhaps the diary possesses you.
Stranger
Heâs just a guy. Heâs just some slightly pretentious stranger addicted to caffeine and routine just like every other regular at this place, you donât even know his name, thereâs no reason you should be nervous to take an order to him. No reason at all.
Nothing More
âIâd kill for you,â he promises one night. This is the sort of untethered, unbridled, almost juvenile passion youâve come to expect from him.Â
Ink From The Well
âWe sit at the same desk,â he calls after you. When you looked over your shoulder heâs still standing there with a glint in his eyes that makes you suspect that heâs already put two-and-two together. âThough you already knew that,â Tom continues, head tilting back a little as he smiles.
Half the Fun
Youâre playing games with someone who is very, very used to winning.
âšHeadcanonsâš
Fluffy dating Tom HCs
Tom Riddle NSFW Alphabet
Possessive boyfriend Tom HCs
âš1k Followers Special! (each is a mini oneshot!)âš
đFirst
Hufflepuff reader finds touch-starved Tom adorable and puppies are involved, I will not apologise.
đ„Second
SMUT. Ravenclaw reader is Tomâs rival and a sarcastic shit and Tom finally gets sick of it.
đČThird
SMUT. Reader is Tomâs ex but clearly neither of them are over it.
đFourth
KINDA SMUTTY. Tom is friends with sarcastic Ravenclaw reader and has a low-key freak out at physical contact.
đFifth
SMUT. Slytherin reader used to date Tom and a chance meeting in a certain girlâs bathroom late at night goes about how youâd expectâŠ
đSixth
Hufflepuff reader and touch-starved Tom wind up alone in a little alcove in the library, gratituous (slightly heated) fluff ensuesâŠ
đœïžSeventh
You start a new job at a place called Woolâs Orphanage, and thereâs a boy who lives here who seems a little⊠odd.
đNinth
Sarcastic Ravenclaw reader pries Tom away from his commitments outside, and itâs a very, very beautiful night.
đTenth
SMUT. What, you donât want Tom Riddle to eat you out in the Room of Requirement??? Possessive Tom, Slytherin reader, a decent dollop of fluff.
âš2k Followers Special!âš (Sequel snippets!)
Artificial Ease ·Seven Devils·
Fluffy awkwardness from when Tom and Marina were in Greece getting mistaken as a honeymooning couple. Gelato is involved.
âšOtherâš
SEVEN DEVILS
AO3âff.netâwattpad
(My magnum opus 200k Tom Riddle Redemption fic.)
â Horcrux Healing â Time-travel â Muggle (SI) Main Character â Slow Burn â Dumbledore Critical â Diary!Tom â
âMaybe you should take your own advice and try to solve this problem with love, not destruction. You donât have to destroy a Horcrux. You can heal it.â
âYou speak of remorse,â Dumbledore didnât sound impressed. âIf I may, I see very little chance of convincing Voldemort to feel empathy for the things he has done ââ
âNot Voldemort,â she interrupted. âTom.â
âYou are suggesting that we use Voldemortâs first Horcrux to reanimate sixteen-year-old Tom Riddle.â Dumbledoreâs tone left much to be desired.
THE BURNT CHILD
AO3âff.netâwattpad
â 1940s Era â Slowburn â Seer MC â Horror Elements â
âWell they say a burnt child loves the fire.â
The words sit there on the page and I wonder briefly, wildly, if heâll recognise them. Surely not. But I can so clearly imagine him in his dorm reading them all the same, sitting on his bed, legs outstretched, diary on his lap, lonesome candle lighting his way.
A moment later, his tidy script appears just beneath mine and my stomach twists in horror.
âThey say what fire does not destroy, it hardens.âÂ
đȘđđđđđđ đ: đ»đđ đźđđđđđđđđđ đ
Tom Riddle gets whatever he pleases. Even better if it belonged to someone else. So, when he spotted you talking with Abraxas Malfoy, it did not take long for him to approach you with a proposal.
Warning: No smut. Predator!Tom
đȘđđđđđđ đ: đ«đđ đđ đ«đđđđđđđđđ
Canopus Lestrange confronts Tom Riddle about approaching the reader, in the opium den that the Dark Lord had created specifically for the purest of the families. Tom Riddle had finally ruined the last of the purebloods, or perhaps they were rotten to begin with; I leave the judgement to you.
Warning: No smut. Mentions of excessive drinking, smoking. Womanizer!Tom
đȘđđđđđđ đ: đ»đđ đșđđđđđđ đčđđđ
Summary: It is time for your first lesson. You notice Tom Riddle had gone through quite an effort to make you comfortable.
Warning: Nice!Tom with hints of Dom!Tom. Vanilla. Heavy sexual tension. Kissing.
đȘđđđđđđ đ: đ±đđđ đš đ»đđđđ
Summary: You decide that you want to take a peek behind that polite facade of Tom Riddle, to finally understand why every girl seems to sigh and swoon at the mention of their night with Tom Riddle jr.
Warning: Minors DNI! Fingering. Praise kink. Tom stripping. Dumbification. Tom calling you 'princess'. Tom teasing you. Cum eating. Finger sucking. Forced orgasm.
đȘđđđđđđ đ
Summary: Tom guides through your first time taking him full.
Warning: Minors DNI! PinV. Praise kink. Dumbification. Tom calling you 'princess'. Tom teasing you. Size kink. Tom being "gentle".
đȘđđđđđđ đ
Summary: You're exhausted from a long night already, but Tom can't help himself melt at the sight of you in your uniform skirt and socks. Tom decides to claim you by coming inside you.
Warning: Minors DNI! PinV. Praise kink. Dumbification. Degradation. Tom calling you 'princess'. Tom teasing you. Size kink. Tom being "gentle". Implied daddy. Spit kink. Breeding kink. Possessive!Tom. Dubcon. Manipulation. Slut shaming. Pervert!Tom. Predatory!Tom. Brief Professor kink. Voyeurism. wow this is a lot this is one kinky fic
đȘđđđđđđ đ
Summary: Tom is insistent on you carrying his cum inside you until the next lesson. The trouble is, the plug seems to vibrate and stop at the most inconvenient moments. You come seeking Tom's help in the library if it is operating correctly. Tom offers to check as long as you stay quiet.
Warning: Minors DNI! Dumbification. Degradation. Tom teasing you. Size kink. Tom being "gentle". Implied daddy. Breeding kink. Possessive!Tom. Dubcon. Manipulation. Slut shaming. Pervert!Tom. Predatory!Tom. Voyeurism. Public sex/masturbation. Fingering. Plug. Soft!Dom! Tom.
đȘđđđđđđ đ
Summary: Ever since you gave yourself to him, it seems that Tom has grown tired of you. In a desperate attempt, you call him by the word you learned the other day. It is time for your next lesson: how to turn on a man.
Warning: Toxic relationship. Manipulative! Tom. Minors DNI. Daddy kink. Spanking. Slut shaming. Voyeurism. Dumbification. Degradation.
â for the love that used to be here. tom riddle x reader
summary. you and tom are the only muggle-borns in slytherin, until one day he isnât.
tags. angst, afab reader who is referred to as a witch a few times and rooms with girls but i don't think i ever use she/her pronouns or say the word girl/woman, biggest warning is that this is SO long (idk what compelled me to write a year 1 â post-hogwarts fic but here we are twenty thousand damn words later), blood purity and bigotry, dumbledore is greatly offended by the bonding of two orphans until he can capitalise on it, frequent wwii mentions (specifically the blitz), book clerk tom, MURDERER TOM⊠ministry reader, kissing, smut once theyâre 21/22 May all the minors in the room exit at once, more angst, sad ending kinda, me spreading a very personal and very nefarious tom riddle agenda that is canon to ME but probably only like two other people
note. i need a shower and an exorcism after writing this shit. i'm exhausted. i don't even remember half of it. but i'm also SO stoked, this is my little (very large, frankly) 100 followers celebration! i've only been on here for about a month and the love has been so crazy so thank you mwah mwah mwah âĄ
word count. 21.8k (i know... i KNOW)
You learn quickly that your shade of green is not the same as theirs. The rest of them are emeralds, even at that age â they glitter with their parentâs polish. You are flotsam, sea-sick, envy green; the putrid boiling stuff that brews in your cauldron when you look away for a second too long, and, really, itâs more of a stain than a colour at all. There is a fraction of a second where you find something powerful in that. You are not an easy thing to remove. And then itâs gone, because they want to so badly.
You learn, with a bit less tact, that you doesnât actually mean just you; that itâs you and him whether you like it or not.
He evidently does not.
âIt has to be completely fine,â Tom says to you in Potions, his voice small then but just as practised.
You narrow your eyes. ââScuse me?â
âI said the powder has to be completely fine.â
âI heard you completely fine. I know how to read.â
He stares blankly at you before returning to his own station, and thatâs that.
It isnât unheard of for muggle-borns to be sorted into Slytherin, so youâve been told, but one glance around your common room and you can see itâs pretty damn rare.
Thereâs Tom Riddle, thereâs you, and thereâs a seventh-year girl whose knuckles are always white like sheâs spent so long with her hands balled into fists that they donât know how to do anything else. Tom Riddle is a prat, the girl is too old and unapproachable even if she wasnât, and you are very good at being alone.
That decides it. Flotsam still floats.
Everything is â fine. Itâs fine for months; you have no one and need no one and sometimes you catch a jinx in the back of Charms that zips your mouth shut or bends a foot the wrong way (a cruel reminder of how much more these people know than you) and your broom occasionally pivots so sharply the Flying professor has to stop you from careening into a wall and breaking enough bones for a weekâs worth of Skele-Gro, but itâs fine.Â
âŠItâs just that heâs insufferable.
The boy is eleven years old and he speaks like heâs stealing glances at an invisible lexicon between every word, more refined than any of the orphans you grew up with which makes you wonder which sort heâs surrounded by, and you take it upon yourself to theorise in passing if you could ever scare him badly enough his real voice would slip and he might just appear human for once.
Only it becomes clear when youâre stirring awake in the Hospital Wing after a mysterious bout of dragon pox (conveniently, all the pureblood children developed an immunity after catching it young) has rendered you bed-ridden and pockmarked, that you donât think anything can scare Tom Riddle. Heâs suffering just as well in the bed beside yours to keep the contagion to the two of you, and heâs all cold, eddied rage under sallow skin and beetling bones.Â
âTheyâre going to kill you,â he says after three days of silence, when the room is dusted in moonlight so thin itâs like squinting through cinema noise or mohair fluff to try to see him.
You blink at the vague shape of him. âWhat?â
âIf you donât hurt them back, eventually, theyâll just kill you.â
In hindsight, itâs an assumption so hastily bleak only a scared child could make it.
I want to hurt them, you try to say, but for what follows you cannot: I want to hurt them but Iâm not good enough to do it.
You roll over and pretend to sleep, and in the morning, you hurt them anyway.
Itâs Avery whoâs unlucky enough to be the first to test you when youâre three assignments behind in Transfiguration, still a bit groggy from your last dose of Gorsemoor Elixir, and actually, physically green. He tugs your hair and stings your cheek with the promise of âbringing a bit of colour back to your faceâ and itâs sort of funny how banal it is compared to the other transgressions youâve been dealt â that this is the thing that makes you bare your teeth, grip your wand in a hand that still canât hold half of it, and send Avery flying across the room with a Knockback Jinx.
Tom sits with you in the Great Hall for dinner that night, and he never really stops.
You practise spells by the Black Lake between classes and heâs anything but kind about the ordeal, but you teach each other. You end your days with singe prints and sore wrists and you often take more damage than he does, but sometimes, as spring settles in with warm tones (apple and jade and moss â all the greens youâd never imagined), you leave with less bruises than he does. It hardly feels like friendship. It feels much more like purpose.
When summer comes you donât write to him, and you donât expect he will either. You donât suppose youâve actually written a letter in your life. Instead you try new wand movements under your quilt every night and wait for Augustâs departure on a big red train.
You sit together when the day does come. He asks you if youâve been practising. You frown and tell him youâre not allowed to use magic outside of school.
Second year is nothing but monotonous, antiquated theoretics. Most everyone complains. You donât see why they should â theyâre already aeons ahead of you â but that means you finally have a chance to catch up in your less-than-school-sanctioned meetings with Tom while the rest remain practically stationary.Â
Deputy Headmaster and Transfiguration professor Albus Dumbledore is imperceptibly less soft with you than he was last year when you make the apparently poor decision to sit beside Tom on the first day, and you file the subtle shift in demeanour into some mental cabinet to review later.
You find workarounds with the librarian, Madam Palles, inclined to sympathy for the poor, orphaned muggle-borns to grant relatively unfettered daytime access to the Restricted Section so long as you keep it tidy and none of the books leave the library. Thatâs where things get a bit more interesting.
For a month you remain innocuous as can be. You browse through rare historical tombs and foreign biographies that would charge more galleons than you can conceptualise, and you never leave so much as a tea stain on the parchment. You smile at the Madam when you return the key each night, and walk back to the dungeons with your hands behind your back. It is, of course, totally unrelated that a month is what it takes for Tom to master the third-year curriculumâs Doubling Charm. An entirely separate affair when you meet him in the most secluded alcove of the library, slip him the key, and stifle your grin as he duplicates it perfectly.Â
You discover Christmas break is your favourite time of the year. Nearly all the purebloods go home. The Slytherin dormitories are effectively halved.
Itâs two weeks of earnest, uninterrupted work and sleep without fear of waking up with jelly legs or whiskers.
Madam Palles, most nights, makes a slight, drowsy effort of searching the library for leftover students before she casts the lights out and closes the door. Then, it belongs to you and Tom.
Youâre splayed rather ridiculously over one of the big reading chairs on Christmas Eve, Lore of Godelot in hand, enthralled by a chapter detailing his controlled use of Fiendfyre through the power of the Elder Wand.
Tom is cross-legged and sat straight, his brows furrowed in concentration.
âWhatâve you got?â you ask, leaning over to answer your own question.
Tom as good as rolls his eyes, holding up the book to give you an easier look.
âMagick Moste Evile?â You scrunch your nose. âBit much, donât you think?â
âItâs the stuff theyâll never teach us.â
âI wonder why.â
He steals a glance at your own book and smiles in that smug way that makes you want to slap him.
âWhat, Tom?â
He shrugs. âYou might want to know youâre reading stories about the author.â
You look down. Lore of â Godelot wrote Magick Moste Evile?Â
It shouldnât really be surprising. Three chapters ago your book was recounting his months in Yugoslavia grave-robbing magical burial sites.
âWhatever,â you mumble, âItâs just a biography. Least Iâm not reading the words out of his mouth.â
âWell, theyâd be out of his quill.â
âOh my God, Tom, shut up.â
All good things must come to an end. Term resumes and your hackles are back up.Â
Abraxas Malfoy, Antonin Dolohov, Walburga Black and the best of the worst of your house have returned, sleek-haired and insatiable and deranged, truly, in such a manner that you donât think you can be blamed for the instinct you feel every time you pass them to lunge like a wild predator or run like wild prey. All Tom does, though (and so you follow, because heâs standing with you and who has ever done that?) is meet their gazes with equal assuredness. He never seems bothered. He never seems animal. You are still all hammering heart and heavy lungs, and you are learning not to see the world through the eyes of someone whoâs only ever had their fists to fight. You have magic, you remember. Youâre good at it. You could hurt them, if you really wanted.
Not much is different that summer than the last. The war is hard. The food is hard to chew. You chip a tooth. Youâre too afraid to fix it with the Trace on you, but you still smile because you will, and everyone seems put off by that. What is there to smile about?Â
You suppose, for them, itâs a question with few answers.Â
For you â youâre back on a big red train musing about the functions of muggle warfare with Tom Riddle, chucking a useless card from a chocolate frog out the window and moaning about how you wasted the sickle you found under your seat.
Heâs gotten very good at ignoring your theatrics and going right back to whatever it was he was talking about. And you note, unrelatedly, he almost looks like heâs learned how to open the windows at Woolâs. (You dare not suggest heâs doing something so ludicrous as sitting in the sun too, but this is a start.)
Dippet, or the Minister, or whoever it is thatâs in charge of the practicality of the curriculum, has become fractionally less stupid in the last three months.
You donât have to rely on nights in the Restricted Section or weekends at the Black Lake to actually learn something anymore. Of course, without the assistance of those illicit extracurriculars, you wouldnât be able to match up to your peers the way you are this year, but itâs nice to duel with dummies instead of motioning your wand vaguely over a desk, and you and Tom still climb the notice boards in rapid succession.Â
They hate you for it. One of your roommates makes a pointed effort each night to glare at you from her bed like those jelly legs are back on the table, Orion Black (two years younger but just as nasty as his cousin) nearly trips you on your way to Divination, Abraxas Malfoy develops what you think borders on obsession with Tom, and for once it feels almost offhand to not care about any of it.
Youâre beginning to think even at its best, Hogwarts is remarkably insufficient. This leads you to books mercifully unrestricted so you can read about a few of the other magical schools for comparison. Beauxbatons is renowned for providing most of the worlds alchemical developments, Uagadouâs early propensity for wandless magic makes it unfathomably more practical than Hogwarts, Durmstrang (though you scoff at their violent anti-muggle sentiment) teaches the Dark Arts as something beneficial rather than unforgivable, and â what do you learn here? Even with the hairâs-breadth of magical leniency youâve been allowed this year, itâs no surprise so few recognizable names in wizarding history are Hogwarts alumni.
âLet me have a look at that,â you say to Tom one evening, when heâs peering once more over the pages of Magick Moste Evile. Heâs a purveyor of knowledge in all forms, but he always seems to come back to Godelot in the end.
He raises a brow, handing it to you like your intrigue doubles his. âNo more reservations?â
âDonât get ahead of yourself. Iâm only curious.â
âCuriosityââ
âKilled the damn cat, I know.â You glare at him through the pages. âI think thatâs you, in this case though, since youâre the one in love with the bloody thing.â
He shakes his head as he reclines in the low light of the Restricted Section, muttering something that sounds like âridiculous,â or âquerulous,â or something else unimaginably fucking annoying.
You might be wrong. Retract your last quip and expunge it. If Tomâs in love with any book, itâs the behemoth dictionary heâs been spitting stupid adjectives out of since he was eleven.
But Godelotâs musings on the Dark Arts are fascinating enough that you can understand the appeal. Heâs no wordsmith, and you appreciate that in a way youâre sure Tom deems regrettable, but his points are straightforward but thoughtful in such a way you can read in them how he was guided by the Elder Wand through everything he did. Thereâs a stream-of-consciousness to them. Something doctrinal youâre surprised to enjoy for all the obligatory English creed they washed your mouth with at the orphanage.
âFind what youâre looking for?â Tom asks, combing with little interest through the tomb youâd put down in favour of his.
âIâm not looking for anything. Iâm justâŠâ You sigh. Itâs almost painful to say. âI think you were right, and â oh, shut up, donât look at me like that â I donât think weâre learning anything here. Not really; not as much as they do at other schools.â
âOf course,â he says blankly. âHence this.â
This â restricted books and furtive duels â should not be necessary.Â
âYou know thatâs not gonna be enough. For the rest of them, maybe, but not us.â
He tenses how he always does at the reminder of his difference. And you get it. Sometimes in moments like these you forget the reason youâre here in the first place. It isnât just the rebellious divertissement of two academically eager students, itâs⊠survival. What future do you have as a penniless orphan in wartorn London? What future do you have as a muggle-born Slytherin whoâs apt with a wand when there are a thousand more your age, just as skilled and twice as pure?Â
It isnât enough to be as good as them. You have to best them, and you have to do it forever.
The night stumbles into an exhaustive silence because you both know itâs true and itâs a bit too heavy right now. The answer isnât in this room. Just you. Just him. So you sit in the dark and you stare through that muffled nighttime noise playing tricks on your eyes. The worst of the world can wait until morning.Â
The worst of the world has impeccable timing.
A fault of both sides of the coin; the muggle world is a travesty and the wizarding world is just a bit fucking late, really.
So thereâs the newspaper. Itâs October first and the date reads September tenth. School owls are a joke and you canât afford anything better.
And itâs a dirty, ashen grey. It smudges your green if you ever had it at all. You were born to this and you will return to it always.
BOMBâS HAVOC IN CROWDED PUBLIC SHELTER
MOTHERS AND CHILDREN AMONG THE CASUALTIES
DAMAGE CONSIDERABLE, BUT SPIRITS UNBROKEN
All you can hope to do is pass the paper to Tom and wonder without words what youâll go home to.
The answer is very little when the summer clouds your vision with dust and you stand dumbly with your suitcase in front of nothing at all. Youâd tried your best until your departure to keep up with muggle news, but it had remained, routinely, a month behind with the owls. By the time June arrived you were still holding your breath through May. Tom had attempted to reason with Dippet for summer lodgings at the school but you were both denied in light of the exquisite mercy â the bombs have stopped! The Blitz has ended! Go back to the aftermath and make do with the craters.
Itâs a bit ironic that Tomâs orphanage survived and yours didnât. At least you can finally see what all the fuss is about.
In truth, itâs more strange than anything. You feel unreasonably like youâre impeding on a part of him that has never belonged to you (if any of him does); that place where you intersect but never draw attention to. You remind yourself you had no choice in the matter. The system puts you where it wants to, and these days the options are slim. But itâs â the walls are amber-black tile and plaster, lined with sanitary-smelling hospital beds and a cupboard per room. Per room, you think; youâve got one of those now, and with only one girl to share it with.Â
You figure the reason for the extra space is probably not one you want to know.
Anyway, you donât actually see Tom for two days. The caretakers bring you a tray of dinner thatâs vaguely warm and a bit too salty and you sleep off the debris you think you breathed in that morning, half-sated and sun-tired.
But then you do see him, and heâs in these funny uniform shorts and a thick blazer and your greeting is an offhand joke about the scandal of his knees that he doesnât seem to appreciate. He eyes your muggle clothes while you wait for your own set and you know you really donât have any room to judge.Â
He doesnât, or at least doesnât say he minds your relocation.
You spend half the summer waking up in the middle of the night to acquaint yourselves with the London tube stations, and the other half in whatever crevices of the orphanage you arenât harangued by Mrs Cole every five seconds, which are far and few between. She seems to have decided fourteen is old enough an age to worry about your intentions unchaperoned, like itâs the bloody 1800âs, and admonishes you and Tom relentlessly despite only ever finding you quietly buried in useless books.Â
You begin to miss Madam Palles and her invaluable pity. Everyoneâs an orphan here. No oneâs sorry.
âWhatâs his deal?â you ask one stuffy afternoon, reclining in your creaking seat to prop your legs on the desk.
Tom knocks them off (heâs so well-mannered that you sometimes push these little gestures of impropriety just to bother him) and glances at the target of your question. Some broad, blond boy who skitters down the corridor a shade paler than he arrived. Youâve yet to properly introduce yourself to anyone you donât have to, so names are muddy when you try to apply them to faces.
He shrugs, but thereâs a flash of something in his expression youâre fascinated to realise is unfamiliar. âHeâs an imbecile.â
â...Riiiiight, but that isnât a proper answer.â
You smile. Legs return to table. Timeworn Oxfords muddy the surface. Tom scowls.Â
âThere was an altercation last year,â he says tersely, âheâs rather fixated on the matter.â
âAn altercation.â
âVery good, that is what I said.â
You narrow your eyes and he sweeps your legs off the desk again, gaze catching the unmistakable ribbon of an old bullied scar on your shin.Â
âAnd I suppose youâre above such incidents,â he muses.
You cross your arms and huff. He always wins games like these.
Youâre grateful when you return to Hogwarts in one piece after your final night of summer is spent underground, and the certainty of knowing where youâll rest your head for the next ten months cannot be understated.Â
But the worst thing has happened, and you blame it on the flicker of a moment where you missed Madam Palles like it was some jubilant, accidental curse to ever miss anyone. A foreign thing you remind yourself never to do again.Â
Sheâs only gone and jinxed the locks to the Restricted Section so they cry like newborn Mandrakes when Tomâs replica key clicks in place.
For a second you both stand there looking stupidly at each other. Getting caught was a fear two years ago; youâd almost forgotten it was still possible.
Tom is quicker to collect himself. He grabs you by the arm and casts a Disillusionment Charm, and you donât burst running out of the library like two blurry suncatchers reflecting the candlelight as your instinct heeds; you cling to the shelves and you slither silently to the door. (Youâll make a joke about it when you can breathe.)
Madam Palles the Traitor comes heaving into the library in her nightgown, a blinding blue light baubled at the end of her wand, and itâs really just theatrical at this point to use Lumos bloody Maxima when the basic spell would do the job just fine.
âHas she suspected us the whole time?â you say on gasp once youâve made it to the dungeons.
âPerhaps someone else has,â Tom suggests.
âWhat? Malfoy?â
You think itâs a good first guess. It could have been any of the Slytherins, upon consideration, but Malfoy seemed most fixated on Tom last year and it wouldnât surprise you to learn heâd been observant enough to follow you to the library and notice you donât leave with the other students.
But Tom quashes the idea. âIâm doubtful. Malfoy is attentive, but Madam Palles is hardly partial to him.â (He had, in second year, set one of her books on fire while studying offensive spells.) âI suspect it was someone with more influence.â
Only no one has more influence than Abraxas Malfoy. The rest of the Slytherins follow him like lost pups. But then Tom might mean â
âA professor?â
âIt may be.â He says it like heâs already decided his suspect.
He is, as always, and ever-infuriatingly, correct.
Itâs that file you tucked away for later, reoccurring when you return to Transfiguration in the morning like a second epiphany: Dumbledore.
He assigns the termâs seating arrangements, which heâs never done before, and thereâs something in his tone when he pairs you with Rosier that feels intentionally like not pairing you with Tom. You donât think itâs paranoia clouding your better judgement, and by the way Tomâs gaze hardens as he takes his seat beside Malfoy, neither does he.
Dumbledore is suspicious for a number of reasons. He disappears for weeks at a time. The Prophet writes articles on his sightings in Austria and France like heâs an endling beast. Heâs being sighted in Austria and France â two notable countries in Grindelwaldâs ongoing war. Perhaps ancillary, youâve decided the charmed glass repositories he uses to hold his old artefacts are the same ones encasing the least permissible books in the Restricted Section. And if that isnât paranoia (which, youâre willing to admit, it may be) then you assume he has them so proudly on display because he wants you to know.
You consider it a warning.
Tom does not.
âJust give it up,â you hiss over a game of wizardâs chess, âI bet weâve read every book in there twice already anyway.â
His jaw ticks as the sole indicator of his annoyance, and he takes your rook. You scowl.
âTom, that man thinks youâre devil-spawn. You know heâs just waiting for an opportunity to catch you doing something wrong.â
âSo?â
It sounds so petulant you think heâs been possessed by his eleven-year-old self. Then you think he was a lot wiser at eleven.
âSo?â You make an aggressive move with your knight. âSo donât give him one!â
He stares at the board and his breath is just a trace sharper and you hate that you know him like this and no one else. You wonder if he knows you like that too, but resolve with ease that he does not. Youâre hard frowns and lewd jokes and trousers torn at the knee to bare scars with stories you wish you could forget. Thereâs no mystery there. Tom is nothing but â gordian knots and fixed expressions and little patterns to learn like the rules of this stupid game between you. You must know Tom Riddle by every atom or not at all. And that isnât a choice, really. Youâve never known anyone else.
âAre you stupid, Tom?â
You glance at the board. Heâs got Check. A terrible, true answer.
âNo,â you finish. âThen donât act like it.â
Your king glances at you and you nod. He falls. The game is resigned.
Tom acts stupid.
Dumbledore knows.
It all happens very fast.
You strike Tom harder in the arm with Confringo than is likely necessary that night, and he returns the favour with a Knockback Jinx that thrusts you into the shallows of the Black Lake.
You gasp. The cold water feels like itâs swallowing you whole when it strikes, an envelope sealed around you and licked shut for good measure. Everything holds to you, and itâs fucking November. Your senses are so overwhelmed that you forget to murder Tom the instant you sink in. You forget to do much of anything.
You wade trembling out of the lake when sense returns and Tom huffs, peeling off his robe to treat the burn on his arm.
âYouâidiâiot,â you mutter, trying to find the incantation for a warming charm but the words get stuck between your chattering teeth. âYou stole a re⊠stricted book.â
Tom glares daggers at you between his poor healing job and you scowl, mincing through the grass and grabbing his arm. âFucking imbec-cileâŠâ
Youâve done enough damage that if he were anyone else youâd be proud of yourself, and somehow, simultaneously, if he were anyone else youâd be able to manage a pinch of guilt. But heâs Tom, and you know him by every atom, so you cannot be proud, and heâs Tom â he retaliated by tossing you in freezing water and now your clothes are clinging sodden and heavy to every inch of you, so you certainly canât be guilty either.
âI borrowed it,â he says tightly. As if that means anything at all. And then he takes his robe and drapes it spiritlessly over your shoulders. âYou could attempt communication before curses.â
âI could attempt communication,â you scoff, uttering a charm to partially close the gash on Tomâs arm, âFucking h-hypocrite. I did communicate. You lied.â
âI ââ
âOmitted information? Withheld the truth? Watch your mouth or Iâll steal your fucking dictionary, Riddle.â
You swear a great deal when youâre cold and mad, apparently.
âI wonât be caught.â His calm is infuriating. âIt would hardly earn expulsion regardless.â
âIt doesnât matter! He knows itâs you! He was staring at you all class!â
âSo nothing novel then.â
âDâyou want me to blast you again?â
His lips form a flat line. No. Thatâs what you thought.
You sigh, clutching his robes in your fists to quell your trembling. âWhatâd you take, anyway? We never touch the encased stuff.â
That is, you assume, why Dumbledore was vexed enough about the whole thing to mention it in class today. A highly valuable book has gone missing, from a repository you dare conclude belongs to him, and he has to pretend all the while not to know itâs Tom who took it. You are out of the question. Theirs is some delicate vendetta you canât begin to unfurl.
âNothing anyone should miss,â Tom says, a complete non-answer as he stops to murmur a warming charm you could probably manage yourself by now.
âTom.â
âIt was an encyclopaedia. Itâs entirely in Runes. I suspect it will take months for me to decipher.â
âGodâs sake,â you groan. He really is exhausting. âI think Dumbledoreâl take his chances and loot your dorm before that happens.â
Tom wipes a stray droplet of water from your cheek. His fingers are soft. âWe should return. You look half-drowned.â
âI am half-drowned, dickhead.â
And you accost him in hushed tones the whole walk back. Runes, Tom, really? Threw me in the damn lake over a Runic Encyclopaedia? He accosts you just the same; You burned me first.
It does, in fact, take Tom months to decipher the Runes, and heâs quite secretive about it. He wonât let you see the book, wonât tell you what itâs about, wonât indulge your queries on how far heâs gotten or if itâs worth the way Dumbledore bores his eyes into the pair of you in the Great Hall with nothing but the glass of his spectacles to soften his censure. You consider â well â you consider taking your chances and looting his dormitory.
The day everything changes starts the same as any.Â
You muse over breakfast about muggle news and how the way Tom holds his wand when he casts defensive spells is too sharp when it should be circular. He argues. You soften the criticism by telling him his offensive magic is stellar but youâll always beat him in defence if he doesnât swallow his damn pride and listen to you for once. (So, really, you soften it very little.) He doesnât take Divination so you donât see him until Herbology that afternoon and heâs silent enough during the hour you share with your wormwood plant that you know heâs done it sometime between breakfast and now.Â
Tom has cracked the book.
Itâs late spring and the night takes longer to settle than it did in the winter. Errant sunbeams still sparkle on the water when you meet him by the lake, and itâs warm enough to forgo a coat.
âAre you going to tell me what itâs about now?â you ask without preamble, arms crossed over your chest as he approaches.
He hands you the book like itâs worth something to you without his explanation, but youâre intelligent enough to gather something from the illustrations of two twined snakes embroidering the cover.
âI should have suspected it sooner,â Tom says before you can comment. âBy the way Dumbledore acted when I told him⊠I should have known he would have wanted to keep it from me.â
âTom, I have no idea what youâre talking about.â
âItâs an Encyclopaedia on Parseltongue and its known speakers.â
You flip through the pages and none of it means anything. âParseltongue?â
âThe language of serpents,â Tom supplies, and the two of you walk along the edge of the forest. âItâs almost exclusively hereditary.â
âOkay, so, what â youâre trying to learn it anyway?â
âI have no need.â
You frown. âYou⊠you already know it.â
âI always have,â he says, and thereâs something almost unrestrained in his voice. Heâs proud in a new light, and it takes you a moment to understand and youâre not sure why exactly it makes your heart sink, but â
âYouâre not muggle-born.â
âNo, Iâm not. And Dumbledore knows.â
âSo, he ââ You try not to sound crushed because why should you be? Why should it matter that he isnât some exact reflection of you? Heâs at your side, heâs still there, heâll always be there â âHow does he know?â
âWhen he came to Woolâs to inform me I'd been accepted at Hogwarts. I hadnât known anything, certainly not that speaking to snakes is emphatically rare, so I asked him. He said it was ânot a peculiar gift.â Perhaps to keep my interest at a minimum.â
âWhy would he lie?â
âBecause it isnât just that Iâm of magical blood. Iâm a descendant of Salazar Slytherin.â
You canât be faulted for laughing. Itâs not often Tom makes jokes, let alone funny ones.
âThatâs good, Tom. Morgana used to have tea with my great-great-hundredth-great-grandmother, so that works out nice.â
He sighs, taking your hand and leading you further into the woods.
âAre you trying to murder me?â
âI might.â
âYouâd be the first suspect.â
âNo, I wouldnât. Youâve far too many enemies.â
Not by choice, you start to scold, and then he stops, not so far into the Forbidden Forest that youâre afraid, but far enough you understand this is not something heâd chance showing you in the open.
He closes his eyes and whispers, and itâs â decidedly not English. And you know the sound of a few other languages, at least; this doesnât sound like words at all. His consonants are pointed, his Sâs stretched, the syllables repetitive but separated by a difference in cadence someone less perceptive might not notice.Â
It shouldnât be surprising; itâs exactly what he told you, but it startles you how much it reminds you of a snake.
âTom?â you murmur, unsure at the prospect of speaking some ancient, unknown language into the air of the Forbidden Forest, and, underneath that, still reeling with the knowledge that this is real at all. Youâve pinched yourself a few times to make sure.
Thereâs a low susurration in the grass, wet with dew that catches the moonlight, and you gasp, clinging to Tomâs arm when you see the blades part in helices for the space of an adder.
âItâs all right,â Tom says softly, almost elsewhere, his eyes zeroed in on the snake. âIt wonât hurt you.â
Youâre still by the balance of his arm and some petrifying awe as he extends a hand to the grass and the adder coils around it, weaving upward to his shoulder.
âOh my God. Oh my God, Tom.â
The adder points its beady gaze at you, and Tom whispers something else in that strange language before it retreats in agreement or compliance or whatever could come close to expression on the face of a fucking snake, and maybe youâre dreaming this despite your pinching. Maybe youâve lost your mind.
âHope you didnât just tell it to bite me,â you try, and it comes out half-choked.
He smiles. Itâs partly for you and partly for this venomous little thing on his shoulder, and thatâs a bit startling. Tom Riddle smiles for adders and you and not much else.Â
âShould I?â
And all you manage, for whatever reason, is, âDonât be like them now that youâre not like me.â
Itâs out before you can stop it, welling from a small, scared place that embarrasses you to return to. A hospital bed when you were eleven. The walls of a bedroom ravaged by bombs.
Tomâs smile fades. âWeâre nothing like them.â
The thing is, neither of you know thatâs the day that changes everything.
You celebrate your fifteenth birthday in the Deathday ballroom with Tom, a stolen dinner pastry, a green candle, and a few sad ghosts. You try to learn how to dance. Tom thinks itâs silly. You tell him thatâs only because heâs upset he keeps stepping on your toes.
Summer blisters when it comes.
Some of the children take jobs as mail-sorters and steelworkers and you clasp for whatever youâre (one) allowed and (two) capable of, which isnât much. Youâre both old enough at the end of the day to explore London on your own, opting to spend as much time away from the orphanage as Mrs Cole allots, but you only have knuts and pennies and you warn Tom it would be unwise to swindle muggles and risk a letter from the Ministry. So you work where youâre needed and you eat the rationed nonsense you always do and you miss Hogwarts terribly. Itâs much the same: youâre together, youâre hungry, and youâre nothing like them.Â
And then itâs different: Tom makes Slytherin Prefect, is suddenly tall, and you wonder in fleeting moments if his face has always suited him this well.
A stupid remark. You fervently ignore it.
Fifth year begins and you have almost the same number of electives as you do core classes, Tom has duties in his new role that take much of his spare time, and despite popular belief, you and him are not a mitotic entity, so this splits you up more often than it had in previous years. Which is fine. You still have plenty of things to talk about during meals and between duels, and you reckon youâll share DADA until you graduate.
But in his absence, your attentions are forced elsewhere, and you should be grateful they land on something potentially promising.
Itâs like Transfiguration just clicks for you this year. Youâve never been the greatest at Transformation (importantly though, youâve also remained far from the worst), but fifth year launches you into Vanishment and something about that feels like a perfect equation. There are no complicated half-numerals and objects stuck between inanimacy and being â just unmaking the made. Nothing or not. Youâre fucking excellent at it. You glean the theoretics fast and then the practise comes like breathing. Even the purebloods struggle as you Vanish Dumbledoreâs Conjured garden snakes in brilliant tendrils of light. You exult unabashedly when you brush past them on the way out of class â who was it that didnât belong in Slytherin?
You say the same to Tom and he rolls his eyes, but the amusement is there.
âThink you can talk to my snakes for me?â you tease, nudging him on the path to Hogsmeade.
âIf theyâre yours, I doubt they have anything worth discussing.â
And Dumbledore is⊠a hue nearer to the man you remember from first year. He praises your improvement and smiles when you canât hide your giddiness as if equally impressed.
He doesnât shelve people the way Slughorn does (youâre dismayed to find Tom has been invited to join the Slug Club and you have not) but you think if he did youâd be rapidly climbing your way to the top. Maybe get put in one of those neat little repositories he keeps all his best treasures in.
Dumbledore does, however, offer additional assignments for those who are interested, and tasks you with a few if youâre up to the challenge.
You always are.
The Tom-Dumbledore-Encyclopaedia debacle is apparently either resolved, or your part in it forgotten.Â
Tom humours you when youâre both singed at the fingers from duelling, yours dipped in the lake while he buries his in the cold moss, about how Abraxas takes the seat beside him at every Slug Club dinner. He tells you he pretends to be very interested in the Malfoyâs business affairs and their stock in the Bulgarian Quidditch teamâs win this coming spring. He tells you he finds it amusing to let Abraxas think he can make Tom his pet. Tom says he considers searching for Salazar Slytherinâs fabled Chamber of Secrets and showing Abraxas what a real pet looks like. You smack him in the arm.
Heâs had an ego forever. He just has a few too many reasons for it now.
And maybe thatâs why you push harder in Transfiguration, dedicate the majority of your studies to it, spend your Saturday nights scrutinising advanced techniques while Tom makes nice with Potions experts and politics with people who donât even know what he is but like him anyway. Itâs patronising, of course â borderline fetishistic; not a real like â but it scares you. Tom Riddle would not allow himself to be anyoneâs pretty mudblood show pony if he didnât have an ulterior motive.
Everything changes but the observable truth that he is still insufferable.
Youâre lucky to see him twice a week if it isnât in class, and the way it starts is so slow you donât even fully understand whatâs happening until Christmas break when Abraxas stays a few extra days and leaves by Dippetâs Floo instead of the train.
You donât dare ask where Tom has vanished to in that time or why the hell Abraxas Malfoy would willingly subject himself to unnecessarily extended time at school with all his lackeys gone, and it isnât because you donât want to. Itâs because he wonât tell you himself. Itâs because youâre terrified the answer will feel like a broken promise, and youâve come to realise (itâs been there for so long; such an obvious, tiny thing that youâve never stopped to really dissect it) that itâs quite difficult to know someone at every atom and not love them a little bit.
Youâre suddenly aware of the risk of it: you love him like an inextricable piece of yourself, and, well, youâve seen war. You know what amputation looks like. Youâve seen the remains of structures designed to stand forever, and youâre strong like them â casts and gauze in all the weak spots because you remember the pain of breaking them â but those were blows dealt without the complication of loving the bombs behind them.
Tom is the green on your robes, the dragon pox tinge you sometimes think never truly faded when you look in the mirror too long, and all the shades you never imagined. Apple, jade, moss. The beginnings of emerald. (No, he couldnât be that.)Â
You wonder what the world would look like if he stole those colours back, and itâs much worse than some brutal decimation; it would leave you with too much. You would just be you without him.
So you love him into June like you always do, and you pluck his Prefect badge off on the last day of school and tell him it makes you jealous like a joke when itâs half-true.Â
Itâs raining when you walk to the train together, miserable for what should be summer but not at all remarkable in Scotland. Tom wipes it from your cheek. Your wrists are sore from vanishing bits and bobbles all night while you still can, never truly prepared for three months without magic, and you curl into your seat as soon as youâre in it. Tom wakes you up when you arrive back in London, startling you to find that you fell asleep at all.
It rains a lot that summer. Thereâs nothing much to see in the city and you canât get anywhere else (you note: the Trace cares little about broomsticks but you canât afford one of your own and flying might be the only thing Tom is bad at) so youâre stuck to the library again with a noseful of old paper and a certain prose that magical literature cannot replicate. You theorise a lifetime of reckoning with the mundane forces one to be more creative.
Perhaps itâs the cold that makes you sick. Perhaps itâs the state of your meals. Either way, your final weeks before sixth year are hell. Biblical, blazing hell.
The nurses arenât sure what it is â another influenza epidemic youâre the first in the orphanage to catch â but they isolate you immediately and thereâs not much care they can offer.Â
You hear Tom arguing with one of them outside your door but canât make out the words. Everything is dizzy, sweaty, halfway to unconsciousness but without its relief. Youâd take dragon pox over this.
Some days later (though you canât be sure because it feels like bloody centuries), heâs at your bedside, and you think even if you were lucid enough to ask what horrible thing heâd done to change the nursesâ minds, you wouldnât.Â
But you know heâs not beyond breaking wizarding law, because heâs muttering healing spells with a hand to your damp forehead, and you hazily find yourself reaching for him, trying to shake your head no.
âNot allowed,â you mumble. Your throat is sore and your nose is stuffy. You sound terrible and you probably look worse.
Tom is slightly blurry but you think heâs staring at you. You know if he is itâs with the utmost incredulity.
âNot allowed,â he repeats slowly. Itâs very easy to picture him clenching his jaw. âI wonder, if the Trace is so exact that it can detect all forms of magic, it canât also detect malady. Youâre burning â and Iâm to consider whether saving your life might be illegal?â
Heâs angry. Heâs angrier than youâve seen in a long time; and you can actually see it now. His magic courses through you and your vision clears, bit by bit, until your depth perception steadies and you realise heâs closer than you thought. His jaw is, in fact, clenched.
You move to catch his wrist and manage it this time. âTom.â
âDonât argue,â he says thinly.
âYouâll get sick.â
His face is far too neutral for the way his fingers stroke your damp cheek. âHm. Then itâs a good thing youâd break the law for me too.â
Of course heâs right â you love him. Which makes it a good thing he doesnât get sick.
Some of the younger children do. The fever comes overnight for a girl who wasnât in the orphanage last year, and it takes her by the next.
When you get back on the train to Hogwarts, the virus is circulating Britain and youâre livid.Â
What Tom said is true; you consider the Traceâs precision and the details of the laws on underage magic â how one of the technicalities is that a young witch or wizard may be absolved of the consequences if the circumstances are life-threatening. You think about how it supposedly doesnât care about broom-riding or Portkeys or Floo travel, and if the Trace is that complex, surely it understands sickness.
You only wonder if the Ministry would understand it. There havenât been any epidemics in the wizarding world since Gorsemoor cured dragon pox in the sixteenth century, and when there isnât healing magic there are antidotes and Pepper-Ups and herbs that muggles simply donât have. The fatality of a fever of all things is not something you imagine could be comprehended by the sort of people who sent you and Tom back to London in the wake of the Blitz.
Of course, the Ministry hasn't written to you, you havenât been forced in front of a representative from the Improper Use office, and you have no real reason to be upset.
You are regardless.Â
It shouldnât even be a thought: you immolating into oblivion protesting rescue because one of you might get in trouble for it.
A world youâve never much cared for is blanketed in ash and its people are dying and you canât help them. A girl is dead. Youâll return next summer and there will certainly be more.
Life is for the magical, you find. The muggles can burn.
Itâs what makes you start to panic this year, knowing youâve only got one more after it. You have no idea what youâre going to do after school, and it doesnât help that Tom doesnât appear to share the sentiment. Heâs got Head Boy in the bag and when he isnât with you heâs with Abraxas, who can surely provide him connections if whatever game Tom is playing at works (and you have no doubt it will), but itâs like you said in third year: that isnât enough for you.
You remember with a small ache that you no longer means you and him.
And then â it makes sense. You feel incredibly stupid.
âYou told him, didnât you?â you ask Tom the first opportunity you can get him alone, in the glum blue light of the Deathday ballroom on your way back from supper.
He sighs like itâs a conversation heâd hoped to put off for longer. âYouâre referring to Abraxas, I presume?â
âYouâre referring to â yes, you prick, Iâm referring to Abraxas. Of course Iâm referring to Abraxas, or are there others? Dolohov and Nott seem unusually enthralled by you, now that I think about it.â
âAnd for a reason Iâm supposed to be aware of, this is an error on my part. Should I be apologising?â
âWhy did you tell him, Tom?!â
âWhy?â he deadpans.
You throw your hands up. âOh, for fuckâs sake.â
âShall I provide you with my itinerary as well? Would you accompany me as I tour the third-years around Hogsmeade? Or can you do me the favour of trusting me to make my own decisions with the nature of my ancestry?â
âYouâre keeping something from me and thereâs a reason,â you say, stepping closer to him, âand forgive me if I want to know what it is when you were willing to tell me youâre the Heir of Slytherin and you can talk to snakes. What â what could possibly be bigger than that?â
Tom returns your approach with one of his own. His eyes are steady, dark, thick with lashes and you canât reminisce on the details of the rest of him because that would be strange for a friend to do. Stranger to do it now, when youâre angry with him and thereâs two sleeping ghosts in the corner and heâs framed by deep indigoes like the ripples in the Black Lake and â youâre doing it anyway.
To be short, heâs close, heâs very beautiful, and sometimes you despise him.
âTrust me,â he says again, without the derision of the last time. âThis will change things for us.â
You frown, but itâs a weak upset in contrast to the explosion you came in here willing to make. There were at least twenty questions you meant to ask and you only managed one.
You are not his keeper. You know that.Â
âChange them for the better, Tom,â you say on a sigh.
He blinks, and you think heâll respond with a nod or a slightly offended âof courseâ but he does not. He blinks and he just keeps looking at you. Itâs disarming. It probably resembles the way you often look at him. Thereâs a rationale somewhere; you never see each other anymore, life is so incredibly busy, maybe heâs forgotten what you look like.
And he does nod, finally, but he does it with his thumb brushing the corner of your lip.
What? Sorry. Whatâs going on?
He pulls it away like heâs heard you. âYou had something.â
Youâre almost positive you did not.
Transfiguration this year brings Conjuration, which is an advanced and welcome distraction, and even more exciting when you consider no longer having to Vanish things you have no idea how to bring back. Dumbledoreâs is one of three N.E.W.T classes youâre taking â Defence Against the Dark Arts and Alchemy besides. Itâs easily your favourite.
You share it with eleven other Slytherins and twelve Ravenclaws. Four of them are muggle-born, and itâs hard to describe the ease you feel among them because you donât think youâve ever had anything resembling ease with anyone but Tom.
Your schedule is more crammed than itâs ever been, but itâs good. Two of the Ravenclaw girls invite you to Hogsmeade every other weekend, you share butterbeers when you can afford one, you study until you collapse, you take Dumbledoreâs extra assignments and consider trying out for Chaser on one of your more restless evenings before waking up in the morning and resolving there is such as thing as too much of a good thing. Best not to get ahead of yourself.
Your contentment is remedied quickly.
Someone is found unresponsive in the dungeons. Dippet makes an announcement at breakfast that the boy isnât dead, rather, petrified. No one is quite sure the cause, but the Headmaster warns a few minor precautions, suggests a buddy system, and says that after dinner studying should remain in everyoneâs respective common rooms rather than the courtyards or library.
You know next to nothing about petrification, but the victim is muggle-born, and you suspect it was the result of a poorly performed statue curse by one of the many blood zealots in your house. The whole thing makes you hold onto your wand a smidge tighter, but youâre adamant not to let it drive you to paranoia like it would have a few years ago.
Tom nods at your theory when you manage to escape to the Black Lake together in November.
âThat isnât unreasonable,â he says. High praise.
You sink into the moss, sighing. âDo you think thereâll be more?â
He looks out onto the lake, the lapping waves, the crystalline beads that furrow them, midnight algae and flotsam you donât think you belong to anymore.
You peer up at his silhouette in the dark. âDo you think whoever did it will do it again, I mean?â
âI donât know,â he says finally, and after another pause: âbut I donât think it would be you.â
âHowâs that?â
âNo one would be senseless enough to try.â
And he sinks beside you with that, breath shaping the cold in steady, rhythmic clouds while yours are scattered. His robes brush yours and you take his arm with a sleepy hum, tracing patterns in the stars until your eyes feel heavy and he insists on taking you back to your dormitories.
One of the Ravenclaw girls, Marigold Wright, distracts you with a spare blue scarf and an invitation to her next Quidditch match. You watch from the stands and cheer as she catches the snitch to beat Gryffindor.
Itâs a bit strange â having a distraction â having a friend. Mari is kind, smart, a good study partner whoâs as keen on stepping into the advanced theoretics of Human Transfiguration a year early as you are. Sheâs funny in a vulgar way, introduces you to all her friends, shows you the best way to sneak into the kitchens, and you sometimes wonder if she was sorted wrong, but â her methods are creative, and sheâs definitely intelligent. Sheâs also definitely not Tom.
Second floor lavatory. A girl called Myrtle Warren. She isnât petrified.
Thereâs a vigil the following week and her parents are there, two muggles whose sobs wrack the Great Hall even as the students clear out. Flowers descend from the charmed ceiling, little bluebells and white chrysanthemums.
You cry that night. You canât remember the last time you cried.
This time, you donât have to seek Tom out. He catches you on your way back from Alchemy and brings you to the Deathday ballroom with a melancholy glance in your direction that you don't hesitate to follow. You realise itâs an odd place to continue to end up in, but no one else goes there and you suppose that makes it yours.
Youâve seen Tom skinny and sickly and olive green, but today his eyes are circled with veined violets and the lack of summer sun this year has whittled him grey once more. Heâs still beautiful. Heâll always be beautiful. But heâs tired and â sad â and for the six years youâve known him you arenât quite sure what to do with that.
You donât spend too long pondering it. You just hug him with the dawning newness of a thing like that; a thing youâve never done, and never really thought to do. (You ask yourself in bewilderment how youâve never thought to do it before.)
Heâs warm. Heâs uncertain. He doesnât reciprocate immediately.Â
And then he does, and you understand without caveats or concerns that you stopped having a choice in your destruction the moment you chose him. Heâs home, and thatâs going to ruin you one day.
Your arms tighten around him and his around you, the rhythm of his breath holding you to earth when you begin to float away. Nothing makes sense in this moment but the mercy that in all the death youâve seen, you swear to God youâll never see his. As long as youâre alive, he must be too.
And thereâs something to be said about the innate self-slaughter of loving a person (of loving Tom Riddle, especially): that itâll cleave you in two, that youâll say feeble things in his embrace that you should be above saying, like âIâm scaredâ, that his hand will find the back of your head and he'll tell you he knows, that that should not feel like enough but it will be. Youâll clasp your hands under black robes and hold this singular embrace together by the faulty adhesive of your fingers. Maybe youâll cry again, like your body can suddenly comprehend its capacity for it and is making up for lost time.
The first sign that something is wrong, more than the obvious grievance of the death itself, is the Ministryâs happy acceptance of Rubeus Hagrid as the culprit.
The boy is maybe fourteen years old, half-blood â half human, mind â and no one has a bad word to say about him other than he likes to keep eccentric pets. Which leads you to wonder what pet he possessed with the ability to petrify one student and kill another and what cause heâd have for it in the first place besides two terrible, miraculous accidents.
That question draws an even stranger path. Mari says over butterbeers (on her, bless her soul) that she read somewhere years ago that Gorgons can induce petrification, but that she doesnât remember much else.
One of the boys in DADA says that his fatherâs an auror, and heard from him that Hagridâs pet was some sort of arachnid. Tom deducts five points from his house after class with a scowl on his pale face, muttering about conspiracy.
The second sign that something is wrong is that only one of those things would need to be true for the entire case on Hagrid to be called into question. If Mariâs memory serves right, how the hell did Hagrid come into ownership of a Gorgon? (Could Gorgons even be owned?) If the aurorâs son is worth your credence, then what species of arachnid is capable of petrification?
You take to the library.
Unsure of where to begin and hesitant to draw attention, your research lingers into Christmas break and stalls some of your extracurriculars in Transfiguration. Tom is busy enough not to notice the new step in your routine, and youâre grateful not to have him breathing down your back, telling you youâre looking in the wrong places or you shouldnât be looking at all.
The third sign is the end.Â
You wish to retract it all. There are time-turners and memory charms and potions that could dizzy you enough to manipulate the truth; there is anything but this. Youâd suffer the consequences for the bliss of loving him with one more day before the ruin â youâd write it down to remember through the fog: look at him, duel him without wanting to hurt him, kiss him to know that you did it at least once, have him, be had. You never will again.
Heâd shown you the adder. Heâd joked about the Chamber of Secrets. Heâd spent months disappearing with Abraxas, earning the trust of the sons of the Sacred Twenty Eight.Â
And heâd killed Myrtle Warren.
So itâs statue curses and Gorgons and Tom â speaking to serpents when no one else can, buttressed by pureblood boys who want people like you dead.
Donât become like them now that youâre not like me.
Heâs something else entirely.
What do you do in a moment like this? Panting into an empty library at a revelation you wish you could unknow, fingers digging into the hickory of your desk â another memory carved among the initials and hearts; how do you stand from your chair and leave like the world outside this room is the same as it was when you entered? Thereâs nothing to orbit. You are cosmic debris, tea dregs in a barren cup, flotsam.
You stand; and you tell no one. Not even Tom.
His presence in your life is so infrequent that you donât even have to come up with excuses for your distance until three weeks after your discovery when youâre paired together in DADA to practise stretching jinxes.Â
You almost laugh. Heâs standing beside you, tall (lanky like he was when he was a boy if you look long enough) and serious, and you love him without knowing who he is anymore. Youâve skirted corners to avoid him and sat with Mari during lunch and breakfast like heâs some scorned lover to escape confrontation from and not someone who held you through a grief inflicted by his hand.Â
âYou look tired,â he says, inspecting the daisy youâd been tasked to elongate.
You glance at him. You are tired. Itâs exhaustive, bone-deep, aching like nothing youâve ever known, and maybe thatâs why you can look at him and smile sadly instead of thrashing against his chest screaming for what he did. You suppose it happens enough in your head to satisfy. When you can sleep, you sleep to the thought of it. The waking moments are just blank.
âMhm,â you hum, transfiguring the daisy stem back to its regular length.
Tom observes it with curious eyes. âYouâre getting good at that.â
âIâve been good at it.â
His lips turn, a small frown before he puts it away. You make the observation that heâs tired too; there are still bags under his eyes and his hands tremble ever-so-slightly with his wand when he loosens his grip on it.
His own doing and still you flicker with some relentless hope that he's drowning in regret.
âSorry,â you say. A ridiculous thing. Do you intend to slowly push him from your life with weak disinterest and diverging academic avenues? As if he were something extricable. Heâd never let you.
Youâll have to confront him, and thatâs a revelation that holds its weight on your chest until you think you'll suffocate under it.
Youâre in the blue light of the Deathday ballroom with a face you've never worn before when it happens, deep into spring, and you know then that you were wrong all those years ago.
He sees all of you.
Takes you in in the flash of a second and maybe itâs your quivering jaw that reveals you or the flint of betrayal in your eyes waiting to be struck and lit. Yes, you were wrong â Tom Riddle knows you at every atom too.
âAre you going to let me explain?" he asks before any hello. His jaw is tight but thereâs nothing else to go on to judge his disposition. He's settling into impassivity like an animal drawing its shell. You will not be allowed in if you're going to make it hurt, and you might be the only one who can.
âExplain," you copy with a hard exhale, âJust tell me it wasnât you. Thatâs all there is to say."
He stares at you. Thereâs nothing there.
âTell me, Tom.â
Your breath catches on an automatic please but you donât want to offer him that.
âI cannot.â
Then make me forget, you want to scream. Let it be summer. Let us work for pennies and breadcrumbs and be no one together.
Itâs late winter and itâs too cold.
âYou killed her,â you say quietly.
âIf I told you I did not wish for it, would you even believe me?â
âWhat are you⊠so it was an accident?â
âThere was â an opportunity presented itself that may never have come again; that does not mean I donât find the nature of it regrettable.â
âRegrettable.â Youâre laughing or crying or both, and you must look unwell. Halfway out of your mind.
Heâs so composed in the face of it that it only makes you more incensed.
âYou told me to change things ââ
âYou killed someone! Can you understand that?â
âYou nearly died,â he hisses, âand if I am to apologise for recognizing it only as the first of many times, I will not. If I am to apologise for doing whatever is necessary to prevent it, I will not. The hand we were dealt will not be the hand we die to â so yes, I understand it. And one day so will you.â
âDon't," you spit, and your anger must look pathetic under your welling tears. âDon't you dare tell me that this was for me.â
âDo you want me to lie?â
âWhat could her death possibly bring me, Tom?â
âHer death is the first step to ââ
âGod, stop dancing around the fucking question!â Both hands have wound their way to your head, clutching at your skull like the brain matter might spill through one of the cracks heâs wearing down. âJust⊠tell me.â
âYou recall Godelot's work," he says stiffly. The question of it takes you by surprise, peels the moment back like the rim of a fruit and you're left uncertain.
All you can do is nod, arms falling to cross over your chest.
âThere was one form of magic he refused quite concisely to impart. I searched the Restricted Section for days, and under Dumbledore's watch that was not an easy thing to do."
You stole from him, you're urged to remind him, but it's something you'd say with a nudge of annoyance and a roll of your eyes. Such admonishment is small and far away.
âI found it at last in one of the repositories," he goes on, âSecrets of the Darkest Art."
â...What?"
âIt's called a Horcrux,â he says. âMurder, by nature, splits the soul. The Horcrux simply makes use of the act; puts the soul fragment into something imperishable so that it is protected, rather than abandoned. In turn, your life cannot be taken. By malady, by magic, by sword â the vessel is destroyed but the soul lives on.â
You blink, feeling dizzy. âMyrtle was the sacrifice.â
âMyrtle was there,â Tom remedies.
âHow lucky for you.â
âThe circumstances could be ameliorated if one were to be made for you. I would have preferred it be someone who deserves it.â
âFor â youâd do it again? Again, Tom?â
His brows crease, and even his upset seems contrived. Thereâs this barricade heâs placed that you, in all your infallible knowing of him, cannot puncture. Itâs agony to begin to question what he could possibly be keeping from you in a confession like this.
âYou killed someone, Tom. You â I would never ask you to do that. I would never live at the cost of someone else."
âNo, you would not,â he agrees, though he shakes his head like itâs incredulous of you. âDo you think, even if I knew it were certain, a summons from the Ministry would have stopped me from saving you this summer? Do you suppose the threat of punishment would cause me to waver at that moment? I know it would not hinder you. So, you have your lines and I have mine â you never needed to ask.â
And now it hurts. The emptiness clears and you can't stand yourself for crying, but you do. It comes out in ragged, breathless sobs, clasped behind your palm as you turn away from him.Â
You've loved him since you were eleven. It's always been you two â it was always supposed to be you two. What is there to say to him? He's blurring in your periphery like in the midst of your sickness, and there's nothing he can do to heal you this time. Your vision will clear and Myrtle Warren will still be dead. He'll still be a stranger in the face of the boy you love.Â
âWhy," you whine, a wet, hollow stain in your voice you've never cried enough to hear before. âMyrtle was â wasn't â uh â" You swallow, hysterics severing your words. You can't really think right now. Your body wobbles and your head feels puffy and hot. This might be shock.Â
Tom scowls like it irritates him to watch you push yourself, like this is just the unfortunate effect of you depleting your energy in a duel, not eating correctly, treating yourself carelessly.Â
Of course you can't stand or talk or think. You're you, contemplating a life without him.
âSit," he says in frustration. You smack his hand away when he reaches for you, but the world has turned a shade darker and you're slipping into it.Â
He tugs a chair towards you with a silent charge and a reprimand, and your body doesnât possess the wherewithal not to collapse into it the second itâs under you.
After a moment you can speak again, shaking hands steadied by your knees. âDid you⊠did you think I wouldn't find out? You know, the only thing that can petrify someone besides a serpent is a Gorgon. And â where would Rubeus Hagrid have found one of those?"
âI thought I would have time.â
âTo come up with a good lie? Something Iâd sympathise with?â
He bites his cheek. âEvidently the particulars matter little to you.â
Fuck him. âFuck you.â
âVery cogent.â
âNo, fuck you, Tom. We could have â we only had a year left and then we could â we could've done anything we wanted." You're crying again. You don't have the energy to be embarrassed. âAnd you chose this."
Heâs indignant as he steps closer. âWith what money? For what life? We are better than all of them and itâs never mattered. It never will; you know that. You told me that. Youâre angry now, but you must know the truth of it. I would not forsake you. I would not lose you.â
You blink up at him, mouth stuck with some cottony feeling and cheeks stiff from crying.
âYou have lost me, Tom."
He stills as if suspended. Some maceration must follow but it doesnât.
You stand on weak legs to look him in the eyes. You wonder if he can see the love in yours. You wonder if he knows you will walk away despite it. (Of course he does. Youâve never lied to him.)Â
You think about how his fingers seem to always find their way to your cheek and you put yours to his. The bone there is sharp, but the skin is soft. Boyish.Â
There isn't a word for a goodbye like this. It shouldn't exist and so it doesn't. You just leave.
You fail your N.E.W.T courses. Quite spectacularly.
Mari sits beside you on the train with a soothing hand on your shoulder, and doesnât ask whatâs rendered you into a comatose husk since March. Thereâs no crying. You chew numbly on soft caramels from the trolley and stare out the window onto the hills.
That summer is spent in your bedroom unless youâre forced elsewhere. A new girl with skin so white itâs nearly translucent sleeps in the bed beside yours, taking meals on trays like you did in your first days here, tracing the cracks in the tiles, humming to herself in the dark. She makes you feel less pathetic for doing much the same.Â
Youâd been right in your assumption that there would be more dead upon your return, and wrong that there would be more empty rooms. There are always more orphans being made.
And then you receive a letter. It isnât delivered by owl (only for secrecy, you assume, because there are no muggles whoâd be writing to you) but itâs stamped with a vaguely familiar crest. Not Hogwartsâ waxen seal, but something undoubtedly magical. A cockroach and a cup, you think, squinting. Transfiguration.
You tear the envelope open and pull the letter out.
Itâs from Dumbledore. Some of it melds together, but the key words stand out.
Spoken to Dippet⊠Exceptional promise⊠N.E.W.Ts⊠May be reconsidered⊠Upon dispensation⊠Be well.
Be well.
You are not. You are something half-drowned and half-burned, never enough of one to quell the effects of the other. Sunlight is sparse through your side of the orphanage. On the radio, they warn a pattern of one bomb every second hour. The only other warning is the sound when they fly overhead, and if you canât run fast enough â
You write your answer in a crowded tube station with a spotty ballpoint pen. Tom is there, looking between you, the dust, and your shaking hands as if to say: tell me I was wrong.
Some of your letter melds together but the key words stand out.
Thank you, Sir. Whatever you need.
Itâs a shock that you live to seventh year. Itâs a shock that you do it without him â though he watches, and in his gaze you feel regressed. Youâre alive, yes, but thereâs something there⊠his dead weight, death-grip; his haunting. They always speak of the dead as something heavy. Something that holds onto you even after itâs gone.
You find that to be true.
Dippetâs condition that you remain in Dumbledoreâs N.E.W.T class is that you achieve more than the standard requirement. Essentially, your final exam will be much harder than everyone else's: Human Transfiguration, mastery of petty Transformation (through the means of Wizardâs Chess pieces), Conjuration and Vanishment of various delicate objects â all done nonverbally.
Even Dumbledore seems sceptical, but it translates to more rigorous practise rather than resignation, assignments he doesnât even task to Mari, though sheâs just as good, and you canât begin to understand why he cares so much.Â
âIâll entrust you with these while Iâm away,â he says before Christmas break, sliding a sheet of parchment your way with a flick of his wand.
You frown, unfolding it. His instructions are always short now â youâve learned to decode his meaning well enough without much exposition.Â
Teacup to gerbil â to cat, and inverse.
Inanimatus Conjurus spell (cockroach and cup, as instructed) to be Vanished when perfected.
Study Antarâs Doctrine. Miss Wright will act as your partner.
Due February.
Itâs far too much to be done in that time. âSir?â
Dumbledore lugs a messenger bag over his shoulder that appears small, but he carries it in such a way you suspect itâs magically extended. He smiles wistfully, pushing his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. âYou know, I often regret how much this war asks of me. A consequence of my own doing.â
Right â Grindelwald. Sometimes you forget between awaiting the next muggle paper. War is everywhere.
You nod. âI hope⊠Good luck, Sir.â
Another half-smile as he twists open a jar of Floo Powder, and then he shakes his head with something you almost decipher as amusement. A brittle sort. Tired. âGood luck to you.â
And then heâs gone, in a swath of green flames that do nothing to inspire any desire for Floo travel in you.
Antarâs Doctrine is simultaneously prosaic and grandiose. They read like excerpts of a journal and you yawn into them over your morning tea, stirring amongst the first-years, who are the only people at the Slytherin table you can stand to sit with. Your blood status is apparently nullified by your age, and the worst they do is look at you funny. You arenât sure what Abraxasâs â Tomâs (the new hierarchy never fails to stagger you) â lackeys would do if you sat with the other seventh-years instead. A part of you longs to know. They certainly donât bother you in class the way they used to, you arenât tripped in the corridors, but you wonder how far Tomâs influence can stretch. He is the Heir of Slytherin, and heâs earned them. But you are nothing.
Youâd like it if he would let them hurt you. You think the incentive would be enough to hurt him back. And God â God, you want to. You want to hurt him almost as much as you want him.
You practise through the doctrine with Mari, as Dumbledore directed. When youâre able to sever Antarâs egotism from his abilities, you can see why Dumbledore would recommend his book to you. It feels like slipping through a crack in glass without shattering the whole thing. You weave in and back out, and Mari grins when she returns from the shape of a teapot to her body without you needing to utter a word to do it.
In the back of your mind, youâre aware what youâre doing is nearly unprecedented. Itâs spring, youâre months away from eighteen, muggle-born, and mastering nonverbal Human Transfiguration like itâs a Softening Charm. Mari tells you youâre the smartest person sheâs ever met. It makes your cheeks go hot to hear such open praise, worse when you snap out of the thought that you believe her.
Grindelwald falls. The school celebrates in whispers until the evidence is in front of them â Dumbledore, returned without a scar, a new wand in his hand â and then theyâre cheers. The feast that night is a great one, and he toasts to you from the end of the staff table, a discreet tilt of his cup before he takes a sip and returns to converse with Professor Merrythought.
You take from your own, and your eyes land on Tom, spine of his goblet tight in his hand. Heâs looking at you like youâve affronted him somehow. You could laugh â by choosing Dumbledore. Of course. As if it was a choice at all.
But if it bothers him⊠if it feels anything at all like the betrayal you felt, then â good.
You drink, and donât look away.
By the time your N.E.W.T.s arrive you have a renewed confidence that youâll succeed, even with the obstacle of performing each exam wordlessly.
There are only twelve students who came out of your sixth year class, so to divide resources for the tests is no grand task. Youâre given a Wizardâs Chess set, a desk with assorted vases and goblets, an intricate epergne (you had to whisper to Mari to learn its name), and a Ministry worker borrowed like some laboratory mouse. You suppose it makes sense, though â youâre all capable enough of Human Transfiguration not to mutilate anyone, and performing on a classmate could obfuscate the results. Itâs far easier to Transfigure someone you know than someone you donât.
You start with the chess set, Dumbledore and the Ministry worker observing you as you turn pawns to knights and rooks to kings, the minutiae of the pieces drawing sweat to your brow. They change, and change, and change, and you donât mutter an incantation once. The Ministry worker puts the set away and directs you to the glass. You Switch the vases with the goblets, Vanish them, and Conjure them again. The Ministry worker takes notes. Dumbledore nods affirmatively at you and you can exhale. The epergne is the hardest; so kitschy and elaborate you donât know where to start when youâre tasked to Transform it into an animal.Â
An animal â like that isnât the vaguest instruction youâve ever received.
You look at it on the desk, mirrors and glass and gold on protracted arms, and you go for the first thing you think of because the Ministry worker is staring at you like youâre inept and you see it in his eyes â this is the muggle-born one, this one canât do it.Â
Youâre better than them. You can do it forever.
The epergne spins at the dip of your wand, and emerges more than an animal. A big glass tank appears in its place, round and gold-rimmed, water lapping at the sides. Inside it is a jellyfish. Emerald green, bobbing, tentacles and oral arms coiling against the glass like the limbs of the epergne had spanned its centre.
The Ministry worker swallows. Dumbledore smiles.
âAnd â and back?â the worker says, like that will be the thing that stops you.
You point again, mouth tight with irritation, and reverse the Transformation. A droplet of water smacks your face and youâre lucky to be so hot you can disguise it as sweat. You suspect even an error that small would cost you a mark.
You wipe it away. A strange thing happens; you imagine Tom brushing the water from your cheek at the Black Lake. You imagine his fingers in the rain.
The Ministry worker steps closer with a shameless frown. He tells you to turn his hair red. You do. He regards himself in the mirror and scribbles something down. He tells you to turn it back. You do. To grow him a beard, to change his clothes, to make him taller, shorter, this and that â all read from a list he does not appear enthused to recite. You do it all.
He shakes Dumbledoreâs hand when itâs done, duplicates his notes for him to keep, and follows the other Ministry workers through the fireplace when everyoneâs exams are finished.
You find out youâve passed with an Outstanding on your birthday.
Mari drags you to the Three Broomsticks to celebrate, butterbeers on her. (They always are.)
âCanât believe weâre about to graduate,â she says into her cup, froth on her upper lip.
You sigh into your own, partially giddy and mostly nervous.
Mari squeezes your face between her thumb and finger so your frown is puckered. âChin up, genius. Youâll be excellent.â
You push her hand away but canât help a small smile. âOutstanding,â you correct.
âOutstanding!â She bursts out laughing. âBloody ego on you nowâŠâ
âWell, I am the smartest person you know.â
âI take that back.â
She pushes out of her chair with a slightly inebriated wobble. âGoing to the loo. Donât touch my chips.â
Your hands raise in surrender, and you steal only one when sheâs gone.
You arenât the only ones here to celebrate. (Your birthday and your mutual achievement, yes, but the Three Broomsticks is filled wall-to-wall with seventh years drinking their final nights at school away.) Thereâs music charmed to reach every corner, even yours at the little alcove hidden from plain sight. Itâs nice to watch from here â the stumbling, the kisses meant for mouths that land drunkenly on cheeks and noses, the barkeeps that roll their eyes as soon as they turn away from all the newly adult customers, not yet learned or careless in their drinking manners.
It is not nice to be occluded from plain sight in such a way that you donât notice Tom Riddle until heâs inches away from your table. It is not nice that no one else notices either.
On instinct you donât make any impressive exit. He slides into the booth next to you and your brain short circuits for a moment at the warm familiarity of his presence beside you. Then it occurs that itâs been more than a year since this was remotely commonplace â that you cannot forget the reason why.
Thereâs not much time to decide whether you want to be vicious or indifferent or to debate on past precedent which would bother him more. You havenât attacked him despite being concealed enough to do it unnoticed, and you havenât shoved furiously out of the other side of the booth.
Indifferent it is.Â
âCan I help you?â
âYouâre causing quite the stir,â he says, taking one of Mariâs chips.
Youâre allowed. Itâs infuriating when he does it.
âAm I?â
âItâs enough to fail a N.E.W.T level class and be expressly petitioned back, but to have a special criteria set for your exams and manage an O on top of it allâŠâ He inclines his head as if to appreciate your face so close after so long. You should not let him. âYou are incomprehensible. It terrifies them.â
âTheyâre afraid of the wrong mudblood, then, arenât they?â
Indifference effaced. Youâre angry.
He seems to have come prepared, and shrugs your scorn off like a scarf you would have forced him to wear winters ago. âOf course, they have no reason to suspect Dumbledore might have ulterior motives.â
Ulterior â you certainly hope he isnât suggesting this is based on anything but your merit, but then â you couldnât begin to understand why Dumbledore cared so much, could you? Youâd made brief inspections of his disdain for Tom in second year, his waning shades of kindness and the matter of his stolen encyclopaedia, but you hadnât⊠you hadnât thought at all about how his dedication to your progress only begun after youâd stopped sharing a class with Tom, how it had developed as you began to drift from one another in fifth year and accelerated in sixth after the first petrification and Myrtleâs death. How Tom had worn you down with a weighted glare at Dumbledoreâs little toast.
It wasnât because you had chosen Dumbledore, you realise. It was because Dumbledore had chosen you.
âWhy donât you worry about your pets, Riddle?â you snarl, âIâm sure there are bigger problems with your lot than my exam results.â
Something in his face shifts at the name. You swell with distorted pride.
He mends the reaction by looking you over in more detail, his features schooled into something he must know you canât deduce. You try not to squirm under the intensity of it.
He reaches almost mindlessly for your collar (there is nothing mindless about it, youâre sure) and smooths the fabric gently with his fingers. âI always liked you in this colour.â
You blink. His thumb just barely brushes against the skin of your neck before retreating, and your mouth falls open.
âDonât do that,â you say. Truly a sad attempt. Your repulsion is more with yourself than him, and thatâs not at all right.
Where is Mari?
âYour friend was at the bar, last I saw her.â
You stare at him with wild eyes. How the hell â ?
âYou were always easy to read,â he supplies, and leans in so you can follow his line of sight to the tiniest sliver of the bar visible between two columns, where Mari looks deeply engaged in conversation with Leo Ndiaye, one of the Gryffindor Chasers.
You take a sharp, exasperated breath at her antics. She might be more in love with the competition than the boy himself. Theyâd never last without Quidditch to bind them, but you canât fault her for wanting a bit of fun.
âWell then ââÂ
Right. Tom hasnât actually moved away. You turn and his face is just there.
His eyes dart forthwith to your mouth, and â no. No, he wonât be doing that and neither will you.
â...Iâm off to bed.â Stop talking to him like heâs your friend, you think miserably. Stop looking at him like heâs your â
âThat would be wise.â
Heâs still looking at your lips.
No one else is looking at you at all.
It could exist in just this moment, you deliberate; separate from everything else.
Except nothing about Tom exists in its own moment. Heâs all over you all the time, skin and bone and soul. You hope you still have a place in the broken fragments of his.
âSo Iâll be going now,â you say again.
âI havenât protested.â
But heâs leaning in, and he has to know thatâs impedance enough.
âBut you will.â
His lips touch yours. âYes, I will.â
You grab him by his shirt and youâre kissing him. Youâre kissing each other like either of you know what the hell it means to kiss anyone, but youâve learned the rest together, havenât you? Your noses bump and you donât care. You just need to kiss him, and â God, you make some noise against his mouth and the hand cupping your face spreads to capture more of you, greedy and wayward â he needs to kiss you too. Itâs a horrible thing to know. It leads you to pose too many questions.
The need must have begun as want, and when did the want begin? How long has he looked at you and wondered what youâd feel like to kiss, touch, mark? (Heâll never have the latter. You swear that.)
Youâre pulling away in intervals. âYou donât have me, you know.â
âI know,â he responds, lips on the corner of yours.
âYou still lost me.â
âI know.â
âI hate you.â
He pauses for a moment. âI know.â
You kiss him again. Long and soft, memorising his cupidâs bow and the tip of his tongue, and when one of his hands moves to your waist you part from him like youâve been burned.
âI ââ You resist the urge to touch a finger to your lips, standing abruptly from the table and adjusting your shirt. Your body feels like an evolutionarily faulty vessel, too easy to please, though you canât imagine it responding to anyone else this way. Or perhaps your mind is the problem. Not wired well enough to resist an evidently bad thing. âGoodnight, Tom.â
You thought there wasnât a word for your goodbye, but thatâs it. So simple it sinks you. Goodnight, Tom. Iâll dream of a morning where I wake up beside you, but you wonât be there.
He grabs your hand before you can go, licking his lips and it haunts you to think heâs savouring you. It stings a place deep in your chest youâd spent all year trying to heal.
âMy door is always open,â he says.
He lets you go.
You graduate with Mariâs hand in yours, and you arenât afraid.
Dumbledore requests that you stay for the summer to help him prepare for the first yearâs curriculum in the fall. Itâs a ridiculous opportunity for someone your age â free lodgings and a stellar impression on your resume, and â you can only accept it with an ire you havenât felt since the spread of influenza in muggle Britain.
If heâs offering you lodgings now, he could have done it all along.
It sends you down a horrible train of thought while you move your things from the Slytherin dormitories to a little chamber a few doors down from the staff room; Tom will be removed from Woolâs this year. Will he stay at Malfoy Manor? But Tom is still publicly muggle-born â Abraxasâs parents would never allow it. Will he find a job, a flat? Will he swindle muggles once he turns eighteen and the Trace is no longer an obstruction?
You think of him often. You think of his offer.
My door is always open.
Plenty of doors are open to you now. Why should you want to go back to his?
Still, the Second World War ends in November and you feel like you can breathe at a depth you never could before. The school doesnât celebrate like it did with Grindelwald. No one but you seems to care at all.
Itâs a tempting door.
The year passes in a blur of graded papers and lessons Dumbledore sometimes involves you in and sometimes does not. Most of the first-years care little for you, but there are two Slytherin muggle-borns who look at you like a new sun to orbit. Everything is worth it for that.
You see Mari when you can, and find sheâs training with the Italian Quidditch team, who apparently are smart enough to care more about skill than blood. She says she misses the complexities of Transfiguration, but any career in it was always going to be yours. Smartest person she knows, she reiterates. Biggest ego too.
The next summer Dumbledore informs you of a posting at the Ministry. Something small with a smaller wage. He emphasises the weight of his personal recommendation, but that you wonât be respected unless you claw tooth and nail for it. You donât take long to consider a chance to make an actual income with an actual career doing something muggle-borns simply donât do before youâre nodding assuredly and asking him what you need.
Better clothes are first, and all you can afford until further notice. You take to Gladrags with intent to purchase for the first time in your five years of wandering in the shop with eyes bigger than your wallet, and the owner looks at you with distrust when you slide her your sickles.
The Ministry job is truly, infinitesimally, insignificant.Â
Itâs far down in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Youâre a glorified secretary, and you recall the few times youâd worked as a mail-sorter during the war. Itâs some sick irony that youâve landed yourself in a pile of paper once more.
But the money, though offensively scant to someone with better options (and itâs infuriating the options you deserve), is more than youâve ever had, and within the next year youâre able to leave the castle and take a cheap room at an inn in Hogsmeade. Youâre close enough to Dumbledore to aid him when he needs you, but far enough to feel like your school days are departed, and you need not worry about memories lurching unexpectedly at every corridor.Â
A sick part of you still reaches for your mouth sometimes to remember what it felt like to be kissed. That part of you wishes for Tom. You could kiss him into oblivion. You could find a way to make it hurt him back.
My door is always open.
Then youâll slam it bloody closed.
Mari invites you to her first professional game and you cheer for her in the stands, a green, white, and red scarf around your neck in place of her old blue.
She wins and you get drinks in a muggle pub. You kiss a man at the bar. You go home with him. His hair is dark, but not dark enough. His lips are soft, but the shape is wrong. He makes you feel good, but you wonder if in another life, the dream is true; you roll over in the morning to Tom beside you, and he makes you feel better.
When you can find time between the monotonous demands of your job, youâre in the Transfiguration classroom, staying behind to help the Slytherin muggle-borns with their Switching spells.
Itâs one stupid accident the next fall that changes things.
A muggle bank has been robbed, and whatever idiotic, panicked witch or wizard was behind it apparently found themselves incapable of getting the deed done with a simple Imperius Curse (you canât imagine, based on the scene, that theyâre above Unforgivables), and somehow ended up leaving the building half-charred and teeming with at least six bank tellers Transformed into birds, two chirping into the floor tiles with broken wings.
âRenauldâs on it, though,â your coworker says when the news finds your department.
âRenauld?â
Heâs a year older than you, a pureblood with parents in high places, and endlessly fucking hopeless.
âWell, yeah ââ
You push out from your desk, files fluttering behind you. âRenauld will expose the whole damn wizarding world if he touches that building.â
âBut McCormack sent him.â
âWhere is it?â
âI⊠McCormack said that ââ
âWhere is it, Flack?â
âUm. Um, near King William, I think. Moorgate or, um ââ
Thatâs good enough. You toss the Floo Powder into the fireplace and go.
The place is a mess. You donât even have to look for it. Thereâs some ward around the street, bouncing muggles away like an invisible end to a map they donât even register is there. At least thatâs handled right.
But you slip through it and curse under your breath at the muggles trapped inside the wards. Theyâre like fish prodding at the dome of their bowl, and some run up to you demanding explanations when they see you unaffected by it. You brush them off â Obliviation is not your strong-suit â though you do shout at a pair of DMAC wizards uselessly standing guard outside the bank.
âWhat the hell are you doing?â you ask on approach. âRenauldâs supposed to handle the inside, yeah? You deal with fixing them.â
You point toward the frantic muggles, and the officials just regard you with vague confusion at your presence. âRenauld said ââ
âOh my God! Fix. The muggles.â
You afford nothing else before pushing past them to enter the bank.
Itâs quite impressive, actually; Renauld, the result of generations of foolproof breeding, is waving his wand around like heâs just stepped out of Olivanders for the first time.
âHeal their wings,â you say without greeting.
Renauld jumps. âWhat? What are you doing here?â
âHeal their damn wings. Theyâre easier than human limbs and healing magicâs the only thing you arenât completely shit at.â
âWho authorised you?â he hisses.
âI did.â
In hindsight, it should have gone horrifically wrong. Your wand could have been taken and your life might have been over in all ways that matter, flung back into the muggle world where youâve always been told you belong.
But Renauld vouches for you. You Transform the walls, you fix the burns, you mend the bank to something presentable. A muggle robbery â dangerous, financially tragic, but believable. And your suggestion to heal the injured bank tellers in their animal forms might be the thing that saved them. When Renauld mends their wings and regenerates their blood, you Untransfigure them, and the other DMAC officials alter their memories with haste.
You were completely out of line and utterly right.
It isnât something people like you are allotted.
Your probation period is dreadful. You hide in your room at the inn most days, Vanishing little stained panes on your window to feel the warm breeze of air before you Conjure them again. You help grade papers, though Dumbledore is displeased with you and the night is a silent one. He assures you curtly that heâs doing his best with the Ministry to amend this.
And⊠he does.
With Renauldâs help and the corroboration of the other DMAC officials, youâre back at work by the start of the school year.
Itâs a slow process â almost eight months of meaningless paperwork â before the next incident occurs and youâre hectically ushered to the scene like a belated understudy. And then it happens again. And again. And again.
Thereâs really no choice but to promote you.
Your heroics are torn from a Gryffindor cloth, so says Flack. You urge him never to say such a thing again.
By your twenty-first birthday, you think about Tom almost exclusively in your sleep. Youâre much too busy to think about him anywhere else.
The summer is warm and Hogsmeade is lively. Youâve vacated your room at the inn for a little house on the outskirts of the village, decorating it how you like â discovering what you like. Youâd never had a chance to find out before.
Mari visits when she can once you have your fireplace connected to the Floo Network (you yourself prefer Apparating) but her name is slowly working its way from the Italian papers to the British ones, and she has so much to tell you there isnât possibly enough time in her days to tell it. Thereâs also the matter of Leo Ndiaye, who has, recently, gotten on one knee and proposed to her. If there had been a bet on them ending up together, you would have been out enough galleons to put you in debt.
After especially gruesome days at work, you and a few colleagues make a habit of getting sherries at the Sirenâs Tail, complaining that sometimes the nature of your work is akin to an aurorâs but without the notoriety and pay.
âOh, please,â says Emilia Alves, twirling her straw, âhave you seen the shit the aurors are up to lately? Iâd rather be a blimminâ Unspeakable.â
âYouâd have to be able to keep your mouth shut for that, Alves.â
Emilia punches Renauld in the arm.
âWhat are the aurors up to?â Flack asks.
âI dunno much. There was a murder all the way in Albania, sâposedly. Reeked of dark magic.â
âNothing new,â you join, and then frown. âWhyâs our Ministry dealing with it though?â
âI dunno. I got word from Hillicker that the Albanians didnât know what to make of the mess. Theyâve never seen anything like it.â
âHillickerâs not a source,â Renauld scoffs.
âYeah? Why donât you ask your daddy for something better?â
âAlves, Iâll have you know ââ
You lean in over the counter. âWhat do you mean theyâve never seen anything like it?â
She grins. âWhy? Storming a bank robbery wasnât exciting enough for you?â
You roll your eyes, taking a drink.
That ought to be the end of it. One extraordinarily lucky incident to push you up the career ladder was rare enough â there is absolutely no way digging around a case that has nothing to do with you or your department could ever end well.
But something about it itches.
You make nice with Hillicker. Sheâs a year younger than you and far too kind for her own good, and she gushes freely about her husbandâs work as an auror (they must be a perfect match for him to gush freely about it with her). Itâs a bit manipulative. You have no excellent excuse for it, but⊠ambition, and all that, you suppose. Flackâs Gryffindor theory is studded with holes.
You are green, through and through.
Emiliaâs updates are meaningless when you garner so much information that youâve already heard everything she has to say over drinks, and at this point her and Hillicker might be a step behind you. Emilia still only knows about Albania; peppery little details of half a story. Hillicker discusses an assortment of murders with no real string between them, and Dumbledore regards you with cool heeding when you bring up the matter with him.
You see him little nowadays but youâve never been close in any true sense, traces of resentment budding over the years like rainwater collects on glass until the stream finally slips.
You visit Hogwarts mostly for your Slytherins, fourteen or fifteen now, unafraid of the distinction of their blood.
And then thereâs one night after you turn twenty-two where drinks take place at yours for a change, Mari and Leo included and happily wed. You have no sherries but your ale is just as well, and itâs only you and Renauld who are sober by the time everyone else is vanishing into the fireplace and going home.
That makes it much worse when you sleep together.Â
Thereâs no excuse of having had a glass too many â so sorry, Iâll be on my way then, and him stumbling over his trousers to get out of your hair. Of course, he does that anyway, scratching the nape of his neck when he reaches your doorway in the morning.
âThanks for the â well, you have a nice home â I do think I should ââ
âYes.â
âRight.â
âOh!â He turns around at the last second. âEr â I know youâve become a tad obsessed with⊠Hillicker mentioned another, anyway. Hepzibah something. Killed by her own elf, the aurors suspect.â
âOh,â you echo, sheets pulled up to your shoulders. âThanks, Renauld.â
âI thought you might like to know. Donât be daft about it.â
Youâre incredibly daft about it.
Thereâs something reminiscent about Albania in this case that wasnât there with the others. The tide of dark magic ebbing across the scene, the cherry-picked information released in the Prophet, the claim of an old, dumb House Elf who poisoned her mistress like the Albanian peasant killed in some insoluble accident.Â
The itch exacerbates.
You see him in your dreams again. He peers over Runes in a stolen encyclopaedia, he whispers to an adder on his shoulder, he kisses the corner of your mouth and it isnât enough. He kills you, again and again. You kill him too.
You wake up and he isnât there.
Itâs a new low when youâre invited to the Hillickerâs anniversary dinner and you end up digging through the drawers of their study halfway through the night.
The Albania file offers nearly nothing. There was the charred residue of dark magic imprinted on a hollow tree in the fields of the peasantâs hamlet, but nothing detailing more than a blank imprint of the Killing Curse in his eyes. Still, you tuck the knowledge away for the file of one Hebzibah Smith, whose tea did indeed have traces of poison, but whose den was also ripe with a layer of darkness that didnât line up with the Ministryâs tale of senile elf.
And then thereâs the forgotten matter of her being a purveyor of ancestral artefacts. The file doesnât recount whether any are missing, since the woman was wise enough not to proclaim all her possessions to the world, but itâs something. A scratch.
You travel to Albania that Christmas. The neighbours in the peasantâs hamlet have skewed memories, so they provide little help, but the manâs house was left almost untouched.
You tear the place apart and Transfigure it back together when youâre done.
All you find, in the end, is a scrap of an old envelope in a suitcase.
R.R
It could be that itâs old. The cursive seems ancient enough. But you swear the letters have the distinct shape of quill ink â too artful for any pen â and maybe that wouldnât matter if it werenât for half a wax seal stuck to the torn edge of the envelope. Stained but silver, the barest hint of two ribbons, a crest, and the letter H.
You return to Hogwarts posthaste.
Itâs snowing in the courtyards and you waddle with a duotang under one arm to pretend youâre here for something scholarly, an array of excuses prepared in case you run into Dumbledore, but you donât.
The Grey Lady is as beautiful as sheâs rumoured to be.Â
You ask her about her mother, and sheâs silent, an expression on her face like youâve struck her.
âIs it found?â she whispers. The snow floats through her.
Your heart hammers as you consider how to approach this. She thinks you know more than you do, which means thereâs something to know.
âYes,â you say. And you dare further with the context you know, âIn Albania.â
âOh,â she hums. âOhâŠâ
And if she means to say more she doesnât seem able, washing away through the balusters, then the walls. You think of your house ghost and what he did to her, and you feel sorry for a second.
Madam Palles expels you from the library the moment you find what youâre looking for, and you rush past a throng of staring students to the staff room fireplace. Itâs too far a walk to the border of the castle wards to Apparate. You bite back the preemptive sickness, get swallowed by the flames, and go home.
There are blanks to fill in but you do it easily. Rowena Ravenclawâs diadem. Hepzibah Smith and her assortment of unregistered artefacts. The stain of dark magic. Something so rare not even the aurors recognized it.
But you do, because he told you.
You wonder on your search to find him what object he used when he killed Myrtle Warren. Nothing special, you think â maybe even the closest thing he could find. These murders involved more preparation. He got to mark them however he wanted.
Itâs almost disappointing to find him here. In a little flat over Knockturn Alley with a view of charmed coalsmoke and the brick wall of another shop.Â
Itâs as tidy as his room at Woolâs, the only dirt the irremediable age of the building itself. The whole place looks almost slanted, large enough only for the bare necessities; a kitchen, a toilet, a bedroom that looks more like a closet, and a study/dining room/den you canât imagine he hosts many gatherings in. You rescind the mere thought. Whatever gatherings Tom Riddle is having these days, youâre sure you canât begin to imagine at all.
You wait, legs crossed on an old loveseat, fiddling with your wand.
The door clicks open when the snow has turned to hail and thereâs no light but the few scattered candles youâd lit on the mantelpiece.Â
It strikes you only when heâs standing before you that itâs his birthday.
Youâre in Tom Riddleâs flat, on his birthday, adorned by the orange glow of half-melted candles, and you know everything.
He eyes you carefully, a hint of surprise at the sight of you after four years that even he needs a second to recover from. And then he's even, inscrutable Riddle again, and you dare to think, come back.
âI placed wards," he says, hanging his bag on a rack by the wall.
âI thought your door was always open.â
You see his posture change from just his silhouette.
âWards never work in Knockturn,â you offer additionally, ânot really. There's too much conflicting magic; one border cuts into another; leaves a little sliver behind if youâre smart enough to find it. You should know that."Â
He turns to you. You take in a moment to acknowledge how he's changed. It's hard to see in the curtained moonlight, and it seems unreasonable to imagine heâs grown, but you think he has. An inch taller, perhaps. Two. Maybe the dress shoes. His arms are bigger under his button-down, but not enough to consider him muscular. His black hair isn't as perfect as you remember, and you suspect a long day of work undoes his curls. You always liked him better that way in school, after a night duel at the Black Lake, his robes askew and his hair a mess. Evidence that you were the only one to dishevel him. Now you were â what? Did he even think of you anymore? Yes. You'd always think of each other.
âDuly noted. What are you here for?â He tries your surname like a foreign language.
You cross your arms, and you're acutely aware that he's observing your changes too. You're not the matchstick witch he once knew. Your emotions are cultured now, taut to mirror his. You wear dull, formal grey, and that glowing green tinge that should be gleaming on you is under a thick carapace. Thatâs for Mari, Flack, Emilia â even Renauld. Not for Tom.
You wonder if he knows it was Dumbledore who put in the word that got you this uniform. You wonder if he resents you for it.
âThereâs been talk at the Ministry," you say finally, âA string of murders. Whispers of something â some dark magic they donât understand. And you know they're careful about things like that after Grindelwald."
âA string of murders... Hm. That might imply you understand a connective thread. Is there some sort of accusation being made?â
âOh, I'm sure you'd be flattered by accusations. Thereâs not enough there, as it stands. Just whispers." You sink more comfortably in the seat and the springs make a concerning sound. âBut I know you."
His hard, sharp gaze falters for a moment. You watch the flames dance behind him, the firelight playing against the lines of his shoulders, and feel your heart skip a beat. âWho else is speculating?"
âNo one." Your fingers brush over the book spines on the coffee table. âI guess their attention hasn't been drawn to a book clerk yet, even if you have taken residency... here." You say it with no shortage of disapproval.Â
Knockturn was never where Tom belonged. You'd once imagined a flat together in muggle London, taking the telephone booth to the Ministry together, changing the world together. It's a wish that's a lifetime away now.
âIs this a warning? I assure you, I donât need the condescension.â
âI'm not warning you," you scoff, âI â I'm seeing you. God knows I'll probably never get the chance to do that again once you get yourself locked up in Azkaban, which you will."Â
You sound exasperated. You sound half-pleading. âWhat are you doing, Tom? Is this â this is really what you want?"
âYes."
You shake your head. âI don't believe that." And then some of that fiery spit returns to you, and you feel like a child again, stuck in the London tube stations holding his hand at every plane that flew overhead, scowling that you needed his reassurance. Scowling that you were afraid.
âWell, your conjecture is ever-appreciated. Shall I lend you mine? Shall I congratulate you on your revolutionary position at the Ministry? Or is it Dumbledore I should afford my thanks?â
âI earned this,â you hiss.
âYou deserve it,â he amends. âBut do not lie to yourself and pretend thatâs why you have it.â
âFuck you.â
He smiles. âThere you are.â
âI donât need your congratulations, Riddle. Dumbledore doesnât need your damn thanks. But,â you say, biting back the snarl that wants out, âyou could thank me. After all, I could turn to the Ministry any minute with the truth of your heritage. I could tell them about Myrtle, the Horcrux â Horcruxes.â
The humour dissolves from his face and you despise the immense glee it brings you.
âOh, did you think I didnât know? Didnât understand the connective thread? You are sentimental under all that⊠fucking posturing, you know. Iâm sure itâs all very romantic to you â making Horcruxes out of Hogwarts artefacts. Shame itâs such an insult to your intelligence.â
âVery good,â he says after a long, terse silence. Youâre sure heâs thinking just the opposite.
You hum, meddling with your nails. âSo whatâs your plan?â
âIâd need a Vow for that.â
You laugh. âIâm not that desperate.â
âYouâre also not an auror, are you?â He tilts his head appraisingly. âAnd yet youâve found your way here.â
âHow many do you plan to make? How many people do you plan to kill?â
âA Vow.â
âAbsolutely not.â
âTea, then? Biscuits?â
âOh, I shouldnât. I read in the paper the other day about a poor old woman who had her tea poisoned.â
âHm. Terrible shame.â
Your fist clenches around your wand. âIs it paying off well, Riddle? It must be a good life if youâre willing to split your soul to hell and back to have more of it.â
He smiles at the barb in your words. âYou never were good with subtlety.â
âI wasnât trying to be subtle. This place is horrific.â
âI was referring to your inability to see more than whatâs directly in front of you.â
âOh, really? And what more should I see than a boy whoâs very good at getting weak men to bow and do very little else? Iâd try to see the bigger picture, but I reckon it wouldnât fit in here.â
Tom regards you colourlessly. You are slate, Ministry-grey, impermeable like palace portcullis.Â
âI suppose I should have killed you.â He says it with the nonchalance of a forgotten chore. He says it like youâre a stain.Â
He doesnât say it like he feels any terrible urgency to remove you; and you think, this time, youâd feel more powerful if he did. You think itâs far more debilitating to sit here and be looked at like he regrets wanting you alive more than he wants you dead.
âYes,â you concur, âI suppose you should have.âÂ
You place your wand down on the table and scoot your chair away for good measure. âItâs never too late to rectify your mistakes.â
Tom, for a moment, looks surprised. That makes you feel powerful. Youâd take more of that.
âYou have wandless magic,â he tries. A weak recovery.
âScoutâs honour, Riddle.â
He doesnât move for a moment, then fixes his wand in his hand and rises, doused in the same inscrutable calm that always used to drive you mad. Now something in you gleams with the knowledge that he only ever looks like this when heâs trying not to look like anything at all.
He steps closer and it gleams brighter. It trembles inside you and you know, distantly, that this is insane. Youâre weighing your life on a childhood trust that was shattered years ago, and you donât think youâve ever been that good at faith, but heâs approaching you and that gleam you feel is reflected in his eyes and you just⊠know. Your spilled blood once crawled with his. Thereâs no undoing that. Half of you is made of the other.
âI should have killed you,â he repeats.
Itâs a murmur. Stilted. Angry, even. Angry that you made him this and thereâs no fucking rectifying it â what a joke that is. What an immensely you thing to suggest.
âYes,â you agree.
Itâs a breath. Low. Proud, even. Proud that youâre his only mistake and heâs going to make it again.
Tom kisses you. Itâs a murder of its own kind. You kiss him back, and â you were always going to kill each other like this, werenât you? Itâs you and him whether you like it or not.
There should be no love in it. You know that. Love is far behind the both of you, stifled in a gasp at the back of your throat on your eighteenth birthday and the soft, selfish hands of a seventeen year old boy. This is mutual destruction. Spite and teeth and skin thatâs cold under your fingers.
He was your first in everything but this.
You push back at him and feel the hunger, the need in him, like a flame as he kisses you deeper and harder, and you find yourself losing yourself to it all over again, like you're back in the dark alcove of a pub where you told him goodbye, pushing to extend the juncture. And then he lets out a hitched, gravelly sound; not a moan but enough to make you shudder.
You pull him onto the sofa and crawl onto his lap.
âHow long?â he asks thickly.
You donât have to ask what he means. You bite against his neck, nails under his shirt as you struggle to pop the buttons open. There must be a violence in all your want for him because if there isn't it's just loss. It's just another thing you'll give him without taking anything back.Â
âSixth year," you pant, âin the Deathday ballroom when we fought for the first time. You â ah â you put your thumb on my mouth. Since then."
You hear a sharp intake of breath, and his hand moves up your back to pull you impossibly closer. His voice is ragged. âShould I tell you how long Iâve wanted you?"
You shudder a breath. âSince â" And it's a bit hard to talk with the way he's rolling your hips â âSince when?"
His lips twitch into a mirthless smile, hands spanning your thighs as you start to rock against him. âWhen you burned me, and I sent you into the lake."Â
You swallow, agonised by the slow pace his grip forces you to keep when all you want to do is go faster.Â
âYour uniform was terribly wet,â he says, mouth tracing your jaw. âDid I ever apologise for that?"
âN-no.â
He tuts, the hushed sound warm and deadly on your neck. âBad manners. I must have been distracted."
Oh. Oh, you think. It seems pointless to flush in the position you're in now, but the knowledge that he wanted you then and you hadn't even known is... all the more devastating.Â
But you shiver at the question of how heâd wanted you, in what amount of detail, in what precise way. You almost want to ask. See it for yourself.Â
You don't think you'd manage the words. Heâs hard underneath you and your head wants to lull toward his shoulder but a big hand holds you from one side of your jaw down the length of your neck, his tongue laving up the other. Instead youâre balanced only by his hands and his mouth, rolling against him because itâs all you can do like this.
Heâs marking you, you realise with a gasp, and your fingers bury in his hair to remove his mouth from its descending assault on your collar. Not that. Youâd sworn against that.
Your fingers return to his buttons and he copies you by finding yours, pulling at the fabric tucked into your trousers until itâs discarded entirely. You press your hands to the planes of his chest and watch him, your mouth agape as his eyes linger on your chest.
His heart is pounding and he must know youâre about to comment on it because his lips are on yours again and he adjusts his position and your fingers dig into his shoulders at the delicious new feeling of him pressing into your thigh.Â
You move for his belt. He moves for your zipper. Itâs some sort of race, whatever youâre doing, and youâre at an unfair advantage when youâre still fumbling with his buckle when his hand is already carving a slow path to the band of your underwear. You're scalding under the journey of it, little stars pricking you under every new inch he explores.
He dips in and your eyes wrench shut, grasping frantically for his wrist.
âShh,â he says softly, caressing your cheek with his spare hand, thumb finding your mouth how it did all those years ago and you want to curse him. The fucker knows exactly what heâs doing.
You shake your head, chest rising with heavy breaths as you return to his belt and scrabble to unbuckle it.
âSo tense,â he murmurs. The hand at your cheek draws over your lower lip before it falls to your back to hold you closer. âRest now.â
And his fingers trace you where you want him most, brushing past your clit as he pulls his face back to watch you.
You sink into the feeling, still swaying on his lap, a half-efforted attempt at finding friction in the hardness between his legs that feels fruitless because it won't be enough until he's inside. Your hand just grips onto the fabric of his unzipped trousers and stays there. Itâs a pause. An obstacle on your path to him that you need just a moment to recover from before youâll make him feel just like this. Better. Worse. Itâs hard to tell which is which.
Heâs stroking at you now, pleased by the way you lurch against him with every touch.
You have to recover, you have to make it even, you have to⊠youâŠ
A finger presses inside and you moan.
âYou came back to me,â he whispers, close enough to be kissing you but thereâs just the stutter of his breath. It's a fucking religious thing to say, the way he does it.
âDoesnât make me yours,â you breathe.
He shakes his head. âI know. Youâll still take it though, wonât you?â
Oh, fuck.
He makes a sound of approval. âGood.â
Good. Fine. Your hands slip from his zipper to the meat of his thighs, pushing yourself forward so the shape of him is firmer against you, and Tom slips another finger in.
Youâll take it, wonât you? Yes.Â
Maybe you donât need to tear him at the seams (though you want to) to make it even. Maybe this is punishment enough. That he can have you like this and it still wonât make you his, that heâll give you everything and youâll lap at it with half the greed he possesses.
You ride his hand, clutching his shoulders, rocking your hips. You take all of it, and it builds something delirious inside you, that itâs him doing this, his perfect fingers, the shape of his lips, the soft dark of his hair when you find your hands in it again. The feeling makes you stutter, and he has to move you by the waist himself to keep the momentum when you can't do it yourself.
Heâs painfully stiff, pushing up against you with a degree of self-control that feels like it can only end disastrously for the both of you, and you start smattering kisses down his cheek. You tilt his head back and lick a stripe down his neck. Rest now, you'd say if you could.
But he adds a third finger and your head falls, a cry planted in his collar when you come, and you don't think you say anything.
Tom holds your legs steady, guiding you through it like this is just another one of his studies. You are what he knows better than anything else, and still he wants to learn more.
âLook at you,â he mutters, dipping you back to press his lips down your chest, unclasping your bra while youâre still breaking, the sensation swelling again when he takes a nipple into his mouth.
âTom,â you try to say. Your mouth is the sticky sort of dry that words refuse to come out of.
âWill you give me more?â
Give, not take. You fuss into a stolen kiss, grappling again with his trousers, pulling them down until you can palm him through his boxers.
He hisses, gripping your wrist like he hadnât just done the same to you, and then heâs pulling you up and off the couch, trousers discarded with what must be magic because you blink and theyâre gone. Greedy boy. (You have no room to judge.) Your back is to the wall an instant before his fingers are on you again, pushing your underwear down your thighs until it falls at your feet like they despised to ever part from you.
You arch to feel him press against your stomach, pushing off the wall so that you can meld to him but he just closes in on you to do it himself.
He goads the heat from you when his fingers push in again, still wet, coiling how you like, where you like â
âWant you,â you protest shakily, hand on his abdomen.
That must kill him a little, because he curses under his breath (a thing he never does) and the immediate absence of his touch is cruel when he goes to free himself from his boxers. You reach for him without thinking as he does, and he pins your hand beside you when your fingers so much as graze the length of him.
You sound frail, but you have to ask. âIs this how you wanted me?â
A cruder version of you would go on. Is this how you pictured it? Taking me against a wall? Have you waited for it all this time?
And you donât belong to him but youâre so incomprehensibly, contradictorily his. Youâll want him forever. He could do anything, and youâd be his. You could haunt him into his lonely eternity, and heâd be yours. Then, you suppose â haunting him makes him yours by principle.
Maybe you already do.
Tom practically growls into your mouth, pressing against you and â God, itâs skin on skin. He's right there. You could push forward and â
He slides in. You cry out at the feel of him inside you, the angle of it like this.
âI wanted you,â he says lowly, your legs wrapped around him, âeverywhere.â
Youâre gripping him so tight you think heâll bleed under your nails and somehow you still feel on the brink of collapse when he thrusts deeper.
âI thought mostly of your mouth,â he rasps. âIt felt depraved to imagine it wrapped around me, but then I thought of you splayed out before me instead. That maybe youâd like it if it was my mouth on you.â
You whimper.
âWould you like that?â he asks, hands spanning your hips to snap them into his, like you are a piece removed from him he seeks to reattach.
If you wanted to answer you couldnât. Youâre clinging to him and the rising surge inside you, carved between your legs like something sweltering and unfixable. It rushes in and he pulls out of you. He pushes in and you cry for the release of it, the moment the wave lurches over the edge, but he wonât let you have it.
âBut,â he says, and your eyes want to roll back at how heavy his restraint is, callous in the tone of his voice, some leash at his neck he must tug himself lest you take it from him â âIf I knew how well youâd take me like this, I would have thought of it much more.â
Taking him, again â you donât feel at all like thatâs whatâs happening. You feel possessed. You are buoyant in his arms: his and his and his.
âYou can â uh â you can â â
"Hm?" He brushes down the slope of your brow, your cheek, back to the edge of your mouth, wiping a trail of saliva from your chin. âPoor thing.â
And he slams into you again, drawing a mewl from you that slices your unfinished thought.
You clench around him, flames wild and fluttering at every contact of his skin on yours, and there are too many to count. Too many points where they intersect, just some blend of bodies connected at every curve.
âYouâre going to give me more,â he says, like itâs an epiphany when you already told him you would.
You remember then. What you meant to say. âYou can take me too.â
You feel him twitch inside you, his pace stilling for a moment, and the thumb on your lip slips into your mouth. Your lips close around him and he curses again.
He fucks you with a finger in your mouth and his teeth clamped over your shoulder, soothing the sting with his tongue. His pace is too slow when he drags his free hand between your legs, but you understand its purpose well enough that the mere recognition almost destroys you.Â
Heâs patient in bringing you to the edge because there's time here. A slow agony that severs you from the rest of the world until it splits you down the middle. And he may not ever have it again.
You have to promise yourself heâll never have it again.
But the movement of his fingers against the same spot heâs hitting inside you is too much at once, and you wonât last. You drool around his thumb. You let him mark you. You can see on his neck youâve marked him too. And you hope impossibly thereâs a scar. You hope the little death you coax from him claims him as yours for eternity, keeps him even when you're gone. You tighten, lurch for the edge, and make him mortal once more.
Tom holds you there, your cries reverberating as he sinks another finger in your mouth, and then heâs gasping at your neck, peeling back to look you in the eyes when he spills into you. Your eyes screw together and he releases the sounds you make by holding you by the jaw instead.
âLook at me,â he says, and for the strained need in it you do.
You come down to earth and you kiss him, wetness dripping down your thighs as he pins you to this moment. You love him. Youâll always love him.
Heâs still inside you when heâs secure enough to bring you to his bed, only removing himself from you when youâre safely in his sheets, legs surrendering their grip on his waist as you pull apart. You pant into the cold linen of his pillow. Everything smells like him. Thereâs something empty now; the reason you came today; the reason you left four years ago.
You love him and it isnât enough. Not even to look at him, the sleepy hint of the boy you knew in his eyes, and know that he loves you too.
âGoodnight, Tom,â you say, finding home in the warmth of his chest.
Youâll dream of a morning where you wake up beside him, but you wonât be there.