This Time Around - Chapter 29
A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustxâ by request of @txladyj-blogâ
Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character
Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue
Exhaustion was not the word. In fact, there wasnât a strong enough word that Jess could pluck out of the air to explain how tired everyone was when they finally rolled back through the gates. The sun was high in the sky and she could tell that Rick and Deanna were on the verge of sending out a search party by the look of the small gathering of worried faces on Deannaâs front lawn.
Enid was the first to climb from the car, followed by Carl, who was promptly swept into Rickâs arms after heâd sprinted across the lawn and path to the gate. Following Rick, was Carol who wasted no time in approaching Daryl and draping her arms over his shoulders. He returned her embrace and Jess sheepishly watched from the other side of the car. She didnât see such a thing often, or ever, when she really thought about it. Daryl wasnât a hugger; heâd said it himself. But he made exceptions for Jess and now, as far as she could tell, for Carol too. When he dropped his arms and walked to the carâs trunk, he flung it open and retrieved his crossbow, turning to find that Carol was not satisfied with one hug and no explanation and she was hovering around him with an angry glare.
âWhere did you go?! We were worried.â She demanded.
âThe girl got taken. Those assholes that attacked this place. Had to go get her.â Was his short and basic reply.
âOh god, is everybody okay?â She looked around and with her eyes, quickly scanned Carl and Enid, who was awkwardly standing on the side-lines and hugging her torso. Then, she noticed Jess from under her hood, and the harsh bruise across her cheekbone.
âJess! What happened?!â She cried, surging past Daryl and reaching out to push her hood back. Jess flinched and jolted backwards, swerving out of her reach.
âOh, I got slapped. It looks worse than it is.â She dismissed, grabbing her backpack from the trunk and throwing it over one shoulder.
âThat looks very sore.â Carol mentioned.
âIâve had more troublesome zits. Honestly, itâs fine.â She assured her.
A light tap on her shoulder saw her flinch again, her uneasiness down to the sudden attention and stares she was receiving. Apparently, their absence had been noticed by most of the town. Enid lowered her hand and twisted it inside the sleeve of her dirty hoodie
âThank you, guys.â She said quietly. âFor coming to get me.â
âSure. Maybe you should stay inside the walls now from now on though, hmm?â Jess suggested, horrified by the thought of her getting recaptured. Enid, clearly traumatized by her ordeal didnât have to agree, a slight nod of her head told Jess that she wasnât likely to be going on another solo jaunt anytime soon.
âHey, if you need me, just let me know. If you need to get out you can come to the fairground.â She proposed as she took hold of the girls sleeve covered hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. A subtle but genuinely thankful smile was all Enid could manage before she backed away and started walking along the sidewalk.
âEnid, wait.â Carl called out. But before he went to her, he broke away from Rick, veered over to a puzzled Jess and took a quick glance over his shoulder in case anybody was listening. By that point, people were gathering around Daryl, who was being forced into explaining the ins and outs of everything theyâd endured for the last day. Jess caught Aaronâs eye across the crowd and he stared, wide-eyed at her cheek and mouthed the words âare you okay?â at her. She nodded and waved him off, replying in the same way and telling him sheâd catch him later.
âJessâ Carl whispered âI wanna tell her. I think I have a good shot now.â
âWell, you did blow a guys head off for her. I think so too.â She grinned. The pulling of the tissue in her face when she smiled made the swelling of her bruise thrum with pain, but she pushed it aside.
âHow do I know if she likes me back? What if she doesnât say anything?â he fretted.
âLook at her eyes.â She told him. âWhen weâre around someone we love, or that weâre attracted to, our pupils dilate. But, CarlâŠthis stuff, it doesnât happen overnight when itâs complicated by a third person being in the mix. Itâs a process and youâve started it by being there for her and protecting her. She does have a boyfriend and unless she tells you otherwise, you canât really make a move. Be honest, but respect the boundaries. Got it?â
âGot it. Thanks, for everything.â He said sincerely.
âDonât be stupid. Go on, now. Sheâs waiting for you.â
Carl immediately spun around and walked over to Enid and Jess felt a strange sense of pride when she overheard him ask her if he could walk her home. Feeling someoneâs eyes on her, she checked the group of people to her left to find Daryl watching her as Rick, Deanna, Carol and Aaron all discussed the information heâd given them.
She held a thumb out and used it to gesture to the gate and he understood that she was telling him that sheâd had enough, she was heading home. He wound his way around the group and paced back and forth a couple of times, not content with Jess wandering around alone after everything theyâd just been through. Carol noticed his unsettled demeanor and broke away from the others as he started to walk towards the gate, following on after Jess when she disappeared from sight. Carol broke into a jog, tapping his arm and halting him before he left the compound. He turned to find a solid smirk on her face and her lips pursed. She said nothing and her shoulders swished back and forth slightly, as if she were expecting a golden piece of gossip and couldnât hold back her excitement.
âWhat?â Daryl sighed.
âYou kissed her yet?â She asked boldly.
Daryl huffed to himself but didnât speak a word, his eyes and body language conveying everything as he shifted from one foot to the other and pushed his lips into a thin line. With one hand on his crossbow strap, the other toyed nervously with a hole in the side seam of his dirty, ripped jeans. Carol could see his ears turning pink and sheâd never been so proud of him.
âYou haveâ She stated with a wink.
âYâknow, if money was still a thing, I could have bet a hundred bucks that you were gonna ask me that.â Daryl relayed in exasperation. When Carol was on a mission, she rarely backed down and had her ways of getting what she wanted. Too many people had underestimated her intelligence and cunning. But not Daryl, he knew Carol better than anyone.
âIâm proud of you, Pookie.â She beamed.
âShut up.â He grunted with a thin layer of amusement.
âGo get her.â She told him as she walked backwards to join the others. âIâll see you later.â
âLater.â He called back.
Jess was pushing through the undergrowth and shoving branches aside when she heard Daryl approach. She didnât bother to turn around or acknowledge his presence at first, she was concentrating too hard on getting back to the fairground, to her comfortable clothing and bucket of clean water to wash the dust and mud from her skin. More than anything else, she just wanted her bed and she didnât care one single iota that it was the middle of the afternoon.
âShouldnât be out here alone no more.â He heard him express from behind her.
She didnât stop walking, her boots crunching and snapping twigs under foot as she pressed on. It had been expected, the idea that no one, especially females, should be seen alone outside the walls now a group of armed and dangerous men had been humiliated by having something precious stolen from right under their noses. But Jess wasnât phased in the slightest. To her, the danger was no more relevant now than it ever had been before.
âIn case you hadnât noticed. Iâm a certified badass now.â She boasted. The fencing to her home loomed over the tall bushes in the distance and sheâd not been so glad to see it since after the attack on Alexandria
âNever said ya wasnât.â He felt the need to say, assuring her of his belief in her ability to take care of herself. He hadnât followed her because he thought she was incapable; heâd followed her for his own peace of mind. That, and the more heâd had to face the notion of losing her and seeing her hurt over the passing weeks, the more he was realizing how deep his feelings really stretched.
âIâm so tired I feel like my eyeballs might fall out of my head and my bones are made of pure dust. I need a shower and around six months of sleep, but sure, follow me home. I donât mind. Really!â She rambled. Reaching the gate, she unlocked it and wandered inside, shooting him a knowing look while stepping to one side and allowing him inside.
Iâm going to sleep if youâre here or not, buddy. But if you want to curl up with me, I wonât say no.
Ignoring her blatant sarcasm, he followed her to the diner, through the door and dropped his tired body onto the edge of the bed, listening to her potter around and clean up. His eyes were heavy and his body ached, the cuts and scrapes on his arms were also starting to sting but he told himself he would deal with them in due course, he had other priorities to handle in the meantime. On the table by the bed, he picked up a piece of white, nylon twine. It was partially braided, neatly and with precision until halfway along, where it had frayed and been abandoned. He set about rectifying it, his problem-solving mind taking to the small task quickly and welcoming something else to focus on aside from how tired he was.
Eventually Jess sank down beside him on the bed and yawned. He noted her sweatpants and loose T-shirt. She most definitely was ready for bed and it wasnât even dark yet. She observed his fiddly task as he braided the twine and took one of his hands in hers. Her skin was soft and warm and he wanted to hold onto her and snuggle into her like never before but he pushed his urges away and remained stoic. She ran her fingertips over the littering of small cuts across his palms.
âShould really get these cleaned up.â She mused.
âI will.â He mumbled, stealing a glance at her. âHowâs the cheekbone?â
She tilted her head back and lowered her eyes, frowning at the result it presented.
âWell, I can see it without a mirror and that canât be good. Iâll put something cold on it tonight.â She said. Having not had much time to pay any attention to how she might look, it dawned on her that her face must look horrendous for Carol and Aaron to notice it at a distance. She could see for herself that it was swollen and discolored, but to be able to detect the blurry outline of it whenever she looked down meant that her current appearance didnât bear thinking about. âHeeeey, you guys!â She exclaimed in a deep and slurred voice, hoping that Daryl would catch onto the reference and she wouldnât have to explain her joke to him.
âYou do not look like Sloth. Donât be an idiot.â He muttered before bringing the twine to his mouth and gripping it with his teeth to tighten it. She decided there and then that she liked him even more for having seen The Goonies and clicking onto her joke so quickly.
Her eyes moved down to his arms. Smeared with dirt and blood and shiny with sweat. She didnât know how he could look as though heâd been dragged through a swamp but still managed to completely captivate her until she was almost drooling. He certainly was attractive, unconventionally and in a rough and ready kind of way, but knowing the man under the exterior only enforced it.
âYou donât want to go and get some rest?â She enquired.
âWanna hang around a while, make sure we ain't been followed. You livinâ out here all alone, it ain't such a good idea. Need to keep you around in case ya need to save my life again.â
The last part of his sentence lingered in her head, echoing back and forth and she wondered why he would say such a thing. She hadnât saved his life back at the college. In fact, the only time she had recently, without doubt, saved his life was when heâd been shot. She remembered Deniseâs words while sitting by his bedside with Rick.
âGuys, heâs not going to make it if I donât get some blood in him and soon.â
âWhat do you mean?â She asked
His lips parted and a small breath caught in his throat. He knew he was about to tread on thin ice but he needed to know why she neglected to tell him such a significant piece of information.
âGot your blood in my veins. Canât just let âem have ya.â He uttered.
She stared at the side of his head. His eyes were lowered to his hands where he still fiddled with the twine. He was refusing to look at her. Her stomach lurched. She tried to find the words, tried to come out with something that might help her explain herself but all she felt was dread. She never wanted him to feel indebted. To her, sheâd simply helped him out when he needed it. But she was well aware that his train of thought was not akin to hers.
âYou know about that.â Was all she could say.
âYup. Carol. She thought I knew. I should have known. You should have told me.â He said sadly. âWhy didnât you?â
She shrugged wordlessly and lifted her hands in a motion that told Daryl she was searching for some kind of explanation herself. It did little to fill him with confidence.
âWasnât much to tell.â She blurted out. Darylâs eyebrows pinched together and he felt himself flush with anger.
Not much to fuckinâ tell?! Is she playinâ with me right now? She saved my god damn life and she thinks there ain't much to tell?!
âYou just needed a top up and I happened to have some spare. Thatâs all.â She added nonchalantly.
Then, he turned his head and looked at her blasé expression. His face hardened and she could sense he was growing angrier by the second. She may not have wanted him to think much of it, but it was becoming evident that he already did.
âDonât do that.â He warned her.
âWhat? Do what?â She asked innocently.
âDonât you dare fuckinâ trivialize it like that. Carol told me everythinâ. She said you almost passed out and I know Iâd be dead if it wasnât for you. Why didnât you tell me, Jess?â
âAlright! JustâŠdonât get mad at me. Please. We are both too tired for that crap.â She pleaded as she changed position on the edge of the bed, turning her body to face him. âI didnât say anything because I know what youâre like with accepting help. I didnât want you to feel like you owed me anything or you needed to thank me. I donât want any of that. I just wanted you to be okay and you are and thatâs all that matters.â
âBut JessâŠI doâ He said softly. His tone had changed dramatically and she wanted to hug him for trying to understand instead of flying off the handle and being impulsive âI do owe you-â
â-No! See! No. You Donât.â She interrupted with one finger extended at him âI couldnât sit around and wait for you to die when I had what was needed to help you. Donât make this a big deal. Youâve saved my ass more times than I can count. It was nothing, do you hear me?â
He didnât know what to say and the seconds turned into long, drawn-out minutes. Jess fiddled with the edge of her T-shirt, rolling up the hem and letting it down again. She held her fingers to her face under her eye and winced at the pain. It was all she could do not to focus on how mortified she was at how heâd forced her to be so honest.
âI get itâ She heard him say eventually âIf it was youâŠIâd do the same thing.â
âSo, you canât be mad at me for not telling you.â She threw in, hoping that whatever he was feeling was not going to manifest into an irate barrage of questions and a telling off. When he rested a hand on her knee and sighed deeply, she told herself that maybe just maybe, she should give up assuming things about Daryl and just wait for him to surprise her, although that was easier said than done.
âI ainât mad âatcha. Just donât want ya to keep shit from me. You donât want me to owe ya, fine, I wonât. But you gotta know that Iâm grateful. More than you know.â
Her thoughts began to bustle in her head. So many ideas and notions, explanations that had no foundations. Jess was an overthinker when it came to such affairs and being exhausted wasnât helping. She tried to keep herself in check, to follow a more logical train of thought rather than letting her emotions take over. But self-doubt was also playing a part and as she thought back over their last kiss and their conversation in the fairground, she couldnât help but wonder;
Is this why heâs been so into me? Is this why he started that conversation? Is this why he kissed me the way he did before Carl turned up? Because he wasâŠgrateful?!
âI um, Iâm not keeping anything else from you.â She lied âCan we just move on from this now?â
She suffered the weight of the things she hadnât told him and didnât plan on admitting. Mainly, that she was so in love with him that she could barely think about anything else.
âKâ He grumbled. âMâsorry I was a dick in the car yesterdayâ
Reassured that the subject was over and done with, she resigned herself to the fact that he wasnât going to be leaving anytime soon and if she was completely truthful, she just wanted to sleep.
âItâs okay. I wasnât exactly polite either.â She responded.
âJust didnât want my best friend to get killed.â He added.
It hit her like a freight train. Jess was certain she could feel a piece of her heart crumble away at the words. It was everything she didnât want to hear, but should have been happy to nonetheless. Unable to help feeling totally crushed by being labelled as his best friend and nothing more, she put on the bravest face she could but felt the resentment swelling deep inside her. Sheâd held out for so long, hoping that one day, he would tell her that the reason he kissed her was because he liked her or, she would never be able to trust what was happening and now, she felt like her paranoia and overthinking was justified; he was probably only kissing her because it was a way to occupy his time, have a little fun and thank her for saving his life.
âBest friend? Are we in 5th grade?â She complained. Her thinly veiled irritation rolled off of her tongue and she could barely control it.
âForget it.â He scoffed.
âNo, Iâm serious. Should we have matching bracelets or something? I could make some, decorate them with little seashells. Itâd be cute.â She snipped.
Part of her didnât care if he picked up on her very deliberate sarcasm. It was on the tip of her tongue, ready to bite.
âI got an idea, why donât we just sit⊠and not talk.â He announced.
âFine by meâ She shuffled back on the bed, and crawled up to the pillow. She lay on her side, facing him and fought to keep her eyes open, the events of the last few hours taking their toll as well as the devastating blow of finding out that her hopes for her relationship with Daryl had been well and truly dashed.
She could see him fiddling with the twine but took no notice as she traced the edge of the quilt with her fingertip. He turned his body to face her, bending his leg on the bed and held something out to her. Her vision flickered up to the object in his hand and she stared down at his fingers, which were holding a white bracelet made from the twine heâd braided.
She gradually looked up at him, observing his somewhat apprehensive expression and just like that, half of the sadness and disappointment she felt dropped away into nothing. He still thought the world of her, he still cared about her and he still saw her as the most important person in his life.
She smiled as she pinched the bracelet between her fingers and slid it onto her wrist. He helped her to fasten it and she rolled onto her back, holding her arm above her to admire her new piece of jewelry. It was as though she could literally feel the intensity of his stare every time his eyes fell onto her and that moment was no different. She made eye contact with him and let out a small snort of laughter, pleased when he did the same.
âBest friendsâ she repeated thoughtfully. âBest friends donât usually make out like we do.â
Never one to fall at the first hurdle, sheâd made a last, ditch attempt to dig for more. Bringing up their secret trysts almost made the âbest friendsâ label seem a little ridiculous to her and she wondered if he saw it the same way.
âNo. They donât.â He agreed.
She blinked at the ceiling in pure confusion.
What the hell does that mean, Daryl?! You just gave me a damn friendship bracelet but yesterday we were sucking face and almost having a discussion about this whole mess. Do I keep asking?! Iâll just annoy him. Because Iâm annoying for needing to know. Why canât he just be straight with me?! I need him to be straight with me. He is so frustrating!
âYouâŠgot any idea why we do?â She persisted.
âItâs rude to answer a question with another question, Stinky.â She snapped. âNot to mention annoying as shit.â
Daryl was intuitive and Jessâs frustration was certainly not lost on him. Heâd dug himself enough of a hole to want to crawl back out of it, hating the idea of her being upset because of him. To make things right, he had to give her something, anything that would allow her some clarity. Unwilling to dispel everything that was happening inside his head too soon, he conceded that for the time being, something small would have to suffice, at least until he was ready to face his feelingsâŠor he would mess everything up forever.
He leaned over her, bracing himself on one arm by her side and with his other hand, he moved a lock of dark hair from her forehead. Her eyes seemed to shine in the dim room and she lay entirely still. He lowered his head and brushed the tip of his nose on hers, hearing her breath hitch in her throat. Then, he pressed a tender kiss to her lips and all at once, her head emptied momentarily and all she could think about was his lips on hers and how their kiss grew more and more eager by the second.
Oookaaaaay. I donât care if he sees me as a friend, or a girlfriend, or a frickinâ lampshade right now. This kiss isâŠeverything.
She lifted her arms, feeling the twine bracelet indent onto her wrist when she rested it over his broad shoulders. The palm of her other hand smoothed over his dirty, toned arm and he dragged himself closer still, moving further over her and seeking entry with his tongue. Jessâs body lit up when she heard him groan and felt his hand grip at her hip, pushing her down into the mattress and lowering more of his body onto her. He gasped against her and she swallowed hard and panted when he pulled away and dragged a thumb across her lower lip, pink and swollen from his unplanned and suggestive kiss. His chest heaved against hers while he caught his breath and he dipped his head again, gently kissing along her jawline until he reached her ear.
âDo it âcause I like it.â He whispered to her shakily.
When she managed to turn her head and find his eyes, he was staring raptly at her with a hunger she hadnât seen before. He breathed heavily with teeth ever so slightly bared until something in him seemed to click, his eyelids flickered and he crawled backwards, away from her and resumed his initial position on the edge of the bed.
He had to move away. There was no doubt in his mind that if he stayed where he was, with her under him and kissing him the way she did, letting him lavish such attention on her, he would have hazarded taking things to the next level. His body was screaming at him to make a move, to forge a connection that deep down, he knew was there but she was too precious and valuable for him to encourage her into a situation that he wasnât even sure she wanted to be in.
He closed his eyes when he sensed her run her fingers down his upper arm and tried to gain some control over the testosterone surging through his veins. But her touch and the hushed tones of her soft, tuneful voice just sent another tidal wave of lust crashing over him.
âI like it tooâ She whispered.
Shit. She does somethinâ to me. This is fuckinâ intense. I gotta leave.
âUhâŠIâma head back to the house. Talk to Rick. You should get some rest.â He told her.
âO-okay.â She squeaked, a little disappointed and having changed her mind about him staying.
He sprang up and walked to the door, positioning one hand on the handle and pausing. She saw the air leave his lungs and his shoulders sagged. His cheeks and across his nose were a faint, red hue, as if heâd been flustered.
âIâm notâŠIâm not leavinâ âcause I want to. I-I wanna stay nââŠâ He stammered with a head full of things he wouldnât dare say to her for fear of offending her or scaring her away. But he wished he could just stay with her, kiss her and explore her until night crept in and morning arrived. ââŠnever mind. See ya tomorrow.â
She opened her mouth to call out to him, to stop him from leaving but he was out of the door and barreling towards the gate quicker than she could lift her head from the pillow.
Two hours of sitting on Aaron and Ericâs front porch the next morning did not turn up one sighting of Daryl and Jess was starting to become suspicious. She also hunted on her own, bringing back a rather rotund Opossum which she proudly dumped on the ground in the entrance to the pantry, just in time to find Coffee being poured. Her face felt better, the swelling had reduced and she was left with a dark bruise that would be a distant memory in a few days.
Of course, Aaron had pestered her for the latest developments in her quest to bag Daryl as a boyfriend but sheâd brushed him off, telling him white lies about how nothing had happened besides a little meaningless flirting and that she would never have a chance with him anyway. The latter part ringing a little truer than sheâd hoped.
The night before had left her with even more unanswered questions and a new source of anxiety; what if things had progressed into a new realm where clothes were shed and it was no longer a few stolen kisses they were having to contend with? Was that what he wanted? Was that what he was thinking while he was looking down at her, his body heavy on hers and his heart like a hummingbird in his chest?
She wished she could tell Aaron, if anything just to vent to someone. Heâd earned her trust and his place as her friend. But the situation was too messy and complex for her to go blabbing to someone else. She couldnât risk it getting out, even by accident and other people finding out. It would be the end to her spark with Daryl, no more kisses, no more friendship. Nothing.
Instead, she relayed their trip to rescue Enid in graphic detail, making Eric cringe into his coffee mug when she explained how Carl blew someoneâs brain to pieces with a shotgun at the tender age of thirteen. For the duration of her stay, her attention didnât leave the front gate, which could be easily monitored from Aaron and Ericâs house. With still no sign of Daryl and breakfast coming to an end, she bid the guys farewell and attempted to cross the street with the intention of checking the bench by the pond for any signs of Carl so she could get an update on someone elseâs love life and temporarily ignore the chaos of her own.
âJess, wait.â Aaronâs voice, a little winded from jogging after her, stopped her at the side of the road. He touched her arm and motioned with his head towards the side of a house theyâd just passed. She followed him out of earshot of the gate guards and any passers-by. âI know youâre lying to me.â He told her. She almost asked him exactly what he thought she was lying about when it all clicked in her head. âSomething happened with Daryl, didnât it?â
âWhat are you, psychic or something?â She huffed.
âYou havenât stopped looking at the gate since you sat down. I take it youâre looking for him? Whatâs going on, Jess? I promise you, I will not repeat it to anyone. If I do, you have permission to tear down my license plate collection and replace them with whatever you wantâ
She tapped her thigh with her fingers and sucked both lips into her mouth while she pondered over not only how much to disclose, but also what she would replace Aarons license plate wall with.
âMovie posters? John Hughes movies?â She asked
âFine. We kiss. Thatâs a thing.â She muttered.
âThatâs greatâŠisnât it?â He asked, perturbed by the exasperated look on her face.
âYeah. I guess. I mean, heâs damn good at it. Itâd be a whole lot better if I actually knew if he felt anything for me. But he always manages to skirt around the subject.â She explained with a large sigh.
âDaryl isnât the kind of guy to go around kissing people, Jess. Iâm willing to bet that if he kisses you, itâs because he likes you.â He tried to reason. But her face was still downcast and he sensed her nervous fidgeting was down to there being more to the story.
There was and until then, Jess had never mentioned a single word to another soul about the reasons why she needed a solid, definitive answer from Daryl. Why she couldnât possibly bring herself to believe that Daryl would like her as anything more than a friend. Sheâd never been able to express her distrust in any compliments she received, never seen herself as worthy of anything more than a friendship and never knew what it felt like to be wanted and desired by someone.
âBefore the turn, I met this guy. He was gorgeous, Aaron. JustâŠwow. All the signs were there. He told me he cared about me. Took me a while, because Iâm not the girl that guys want to date, but I ended up believing that he genuinely liked me. I was horribly wrong. It was my best friend that he was into. I knew from then on that it would just never happen for me and I would never again be naĂŻve enough to think that someone liked me.â
âDaryl Dixon is different, Jess.â Aaron assured her.
âYeah.â She agreed âHe is. He is so much more than I could ever dare to hope for. I donât want to get hurt and lose my friend because I was fool enough to think that he would ever want me like that. I am not that girl, Aaron. Iâm not good enough for him.â
Aaron was regarding her with a disbelief that sheâd never seen in him before. He was looking at her as if sheâd completely lost her mind. She even thought that she detected a slight hint of anger in his eyes but knew deep down that if he did feel anything of the sort, it would be because he cared and didnât like seeing her so down.
âListen. Between you and I, Eric thought the same for a long time. He couldnât believe that I wanted to be with someone like him. He felt like he didnât have much to offer. But all he had to do was let me show him that he did have things to offer. I just didnât understand at first, I didnât think I was anything special, least of all not the way he made me out to beâ He paused to brush hair from her face, blown across her eyes by the breeze. âBut I didnât see myself the way he did. Daryl, he doesnât see you the way you do. Nobody does. Itâs all perception, individual to each person. Daryl barely even speaks to people, let alone kisses them. So, for him to do that with youâŠit must mean something to him. I donât think you should write it off without giving him a chance to figure out what heâs doing. Just enjoy it, thereâs no harm in that. Itâs obvious he cares about you and he would never hurt you deliberately. You earned a little fun, girl. Have at it.â
âI hope youâre right.â She said.
âThereâs a reason Iâm a recruiter. Iâm a good judge of character. I know that kissing you is not a decision that Daryl would have taken lightly. Give him a little more time. But it doesnât mean you should stop having fun. You get what Iâm saying?â
âYesâ She whispered, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He placed his hands on her back and welcomed the embrace.
âAnd donât sell yourself so short. Youâre awesome.â He concluded while rubbing one of her shoulder blades.
Feeling like a fraction of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders from sharing her burden with Aaron, Jess swore him to secrecy, thanked him and made her way to the pond. She found it empty and dropped herself onto the seat, sticking her legs out straight in front of her and crossing them at her ankles.
âPenny for âem.â Said a deep, southern voice from behind her. She sat up slightly and twisted in her spot to find Abraham trundling through the flower bed. Turning back and running a hand through her hair she let out a long breath.
âYou do not want to know,â She replied.
âWouldnât be askinâ if that were true.â He corrected as he sat down at her side. With Abraham not being a small man, the bench creaked as he settled.
âItâs nothing. Just me overthinking.â She said.
Abraham craned his neck and caught sight of the bluish bruise on her face.
âWoah, whatâs with the Taint nâ tarnish, Sweetheart?â He asked with a deep concern on his face. His large fingers pinched at her chin and angled her face so he could get a better look. She tapped his wrist and he let go.
âEnid got kidnapped. Daryl and I fought like a cat and dog on the way to get her because heâs a stubborn son of a bitch that wonât ever accept that Iâm right. Anyway, we went to college to get the girl back. Carl hid in the trunk and almost cooked himself to death so we had to take him with us. Some asshole landed a nice, dry slap across my face so I shot the bastard in the eye with an arrow. Daryl blew everybody else up with an RPG and Carl shot a guy in the head with a shotgun and decorated the sidewalk with teeny, tiny little pieces of brain matter. Enid, well she did as she was told and made it back in one piece and then we all camped in the woods and came home.â She surmised in as short a version as possible.
âI know the world went to shit nâ all butâŠwhat in blue blazes?!â he questioned in disbelief. She yawned and rubbed at her eyes, still enduring the exhaustion from the days before. âHoney, look at you. Youâre a damn mess.â
âThank you for the compliment.â She growled while side-eyeing him.
âAhh cmon, who I gotta kill to get a smile outta you?â He tried in an attempt to lift her spirits.
âNobody. Reallyâ she smiled.
âIf you insist. Looks like Iâll have to save my ridicule for another time.â He leaned back and crossed his huge arms. Jess felt positively dwarfed by his size at times but she never once found him to be intimidating or overbearing. Sheâd only known him since Rickâs group arrived at Alexandria but within days, and despite her efforts to distance herself from just about everyone, his jokes and big personality had won her over almost immediately. Being around Abraham took her back to before the turn, to her childhood and growing up with a brother in the military and being surrounded by his friends.
âYou remind me of my brothersâ friends, yâknowâ She told him.
âThey handsome sons of guns too?â he grinned.
âI meant in the way that you make fun of me with your general annoying bastardness.â
âAhh ainât nothin wrong with a little teasinâ, a little flirtinâ. Keep the blood pumpinâ. You know Iâm only playinâ around with ya though, right?â He checked, leaning forwards enough to see her reaction.
âYeah. I know. That was the thing with them, theyâd tease me like there was no tomorrow but they were super protective too. I was lucky in that respect.â She expressed.
âCan bet ya ass a lot of folks in here would be just as protective of ya. Aint no point being alone no more. Canât do nothinâ without people in this world. Still, you got Daryl so, youâre set, right?â He smirked, waiting for her to flare up and tell him it was none of his business and to stop bringing it up.
âWeâre friends.â Was all she said.
âAnd Iâm Mary Poppins.â He laughed.
She didnât bother to put him right, mainly because she wasnât even sure it would be right anymore. How could she correct people if she didnât know what they were herself? She hated all the uncertainty, the lack of consistency and the fact that she had been so patient until now. Until it was starting to grate on her. She knew Aaron was right and giving Daryl time to figure things out was the right thing to do. Having fun with it certainly seemed like an appealing idea too, but she wasnât sure she could continue with such an indulgence if it meant her getting hurt at the end of it.
Abraham didnât move an inch when Jess rested her head against his arm. He knew that for her to do such a thing, she must have needed it and so, he left her where she was and ceased conversation. Bees and birds flitted around the pond, a welcome reminder that nature was still rolling on as best it could, no matter what else was happening to the world. The only sounds came from people wandering past on the street and the repetitive sounds of shovelling from the vegetable patch.
âWhy canât everyone just be honest with each other, Abe?â Jess uttered out of the blue.
âWhy are dingleberries brown? Just the way shit is, sweetheart.â He answered.
That afternoon, Deanna called for Jess, Daryl, Enid, Carl and Rick to discuss Enidâs kidnapping and the possibility of another attack. It was the first time Jess had laid eyes on Daryl since their kiss the previous night. Try as she might, she couldnât shake the feeling that heâd been actively avoiding her. So, when he bumped into her, alone in the hallway and tickled the outside of her hand as he passed, she was so astonished it took her at least a minute to enter back into reality and deal with the task at hand.
Upon entering the main room of the house, she found everyone else present and Daryl skulked off into the corner, perching on a wide window ledge. He met her eye when she appeared but quickly looked away, wanting to maintain the air of secrecy around what was happening between them. But Jess had questions. What heâd done in the hallway was different. A new kind of affection that was a world apart from a sexually charged kiss. It was the kind of passing attention that was shown between two people in a relationship and even though she couldnât deny that she didnât hate it one, little bit. It had confused her even more. Best friends did not affectionately tickle hands in hallways and they certainly did not lay on beds kissing. It always felt like some days she was getting somewhere, moving along slowly but surely, lured into thinking that he wouldnât kiss her if he didnât see her in that way. And then, he would do something contradictory, like dubbing her his âbest friendâ and drop kicking her firmly into the friend zone. Why did she have to fall for someone so complicated? Why could he not just tell her what he wanted for sure?
Asked for her take on what happened, Jess clearly ran through the process of Enid's rescue, telling the room that the man sheâd spoken to informed her that there were around a hundred of them, probably slightly less due to the amount that were killed that day and about the branding on their hands. Daryl got up and without a word, picked up a pen and drew the branded symbol on a piece of paper at Deanna's desk before going back to his perch at the window. A concerned silence filled the room as the towns leader and Rick swapped a glance and after what felt like an age, Denna finally announced that she wanted training to be stepped up even more. Rick suggested visiting the college to see if any more of the men had been sent as replacements, or if anyone was still alive. If they could capture one and drain them of information, they would be in a better position to plan. The idea was met with some doubt by Deanna who wasnât keen on the idea of having to keep one of them behind the wall and mentioned that they could be opening themselves up for another attack.
âA hundred men, all armed is quite the threat.â She stated.
âThe guy said they werenât all in that College. I canât vouch for his credibility. We saw around fifteen when we were there. All of them were dead when we left. I have no idea where the rest are.â Jess explained.
âWe still have women missing. Daryl, did you see any other prisoners?â Rick asked with his hands on his hips and stirring Daryl from his stillness across the room.
âNaw, just Enid.â He grunted in response.
âThey donât keep them there.â Enid mumbled from the couch next to Carl.
âWhat was that, honey?â Deanna encouraged, missing the girl's muffled comment.
âThey donât keep the rest of the women they take at that place. Itâs a halfway point.â She told her.
Now, Daryl moved and stood up, thudding into the middle of the room by Rick. Jess avoided his gaze from where she sat, on the arm of the couch next to Carl.
âYou know where the rest are?â Daryl questioned.
âNo. Iâm sorry. I just heard them saying they were keeping me there until they found enough gas to make the journey and move me in with the others.â Enid said.
Carl fiddled with his hands in his lap, uneasy about hearing Enid talk about being in the clutches of the dangerous group that had taken her.
âLook, these guys, there might be a lot of them but from what I saw, theyâre dumber than a box of hair.â Jess announced with confidence. Sheâd not seen an ounce of training or logic in their behavior which matched the way they bombarded Alexandria with mass murder and terror. They used sheer numbers and the element of surprise. It wasnât perfectly planned or stealthy by any stretch of the imagination.
Carl couldn't help but laugh at Jessâs take on it and he clocked Enid smiling at him.
âSheâs right. I ain't never seen nothinâ so disorganized.â Daryl added âAll runninâ around like they didnât know which way was up. Willinâ to bet they think women just sprout from the earth and theyâre planninâ on cominâ back for the harvest.â
Tapping the papers on her desk with a pen, Deanna sighed and pursed her lips as she scanned the faces of the people in the room. The threat was more real than ever. Many of the townspeople had perished in the attack and since then, theyâd kidnapped a teenager and tried to kill those who set off to rescue her. Such an embarrassment was unlikely to be forgotten and the prospect of Alexandria having more of what they really wanted was too great for them to ignore. She had to act.
Deanna zoned in on Jess âYou need to move inside the wallsâ
Jessâs back prickled and her shoulders went back. Her defenses shot up. Sheâd worked hard for her home, to create a place where she felt safe and was allowed to be herself and she wasnât about to give it up for anything.
âNo. No. Absolutely not. Non-negotiable.â She confirmed.
âI said no.â She snapped. âIâll help in any way I can. If you need volunteers to go back to that place and scope it out, Iâll do it. But Iâm not moving. Let me know once you make a decision.â She headed to the door, expecting someone to stop her but no one moved or uttered a word. When she vacated the room, Rick threw Daryl a knowing look.
Make her move inside the walls, Daryl.
She left Deannaâs house so fast that no one, let alone Daryl had the chance to stop her. She raced down the steps and across the lawn to the gate, tripping on a piece of wood in the process. She stumbled forwards, her hands shooting out and her heart lurching in her chest. Managing to keep herself upright and overcome with fury. She spun around, picked up the piece of wood and launched it into the street, the impact shattered it into tiny pieces. If it wasnât for her lips being tightly pressed together, there would have been no doubt about her turning the air blue with cuss words. Footsteps from behind her accompanied cigar smoke and she let out a sigh.
âWow, someoneâs wound up tighter than a bullâs asshole in fly season, huh?â Abraham observed with his eyebrows raised. He moved around her, checking her expression and placing a hand on her shoulder.
âYeah, just tired.â She uttered.
âYou need to let loose a little, maybe get yourself laid, itâs amazing how a clear out of the pipes can stop you being such a crankosaurs.â He suggested with a playful nudge of her arm.
âAbe.â She warned, rolling her eyes.
âJust a suggestion. Iâm not volunteeringâ He chuckled âbut if you beg me, Iâll be forced to have mercy.â
Daryl clicked the door to Deannaâs house shut as Jess threw the wood into the road during her tantrum and sent splinters flying everywhere. From the front porch, he leaned against a pillar and lit a smoke, listening to the conversation happening below.
âIn your dreamsâ Jess shot at Abraham with a point of her finger. She left him laughing to himself and headed for the gate. Daryl descended the steps a little quicker than heâd intended but he had to move fast if he wanted to catch Jess before she left. She was striding with purpose at the gate, about to vanish from sight. His speed was decent enough to catch up but his demeanor was calm on the outside. Abraham wasnât being fooled; he could tell that he was in a rush to catch her.
When he finally reached her, he thoughtlessly jabbed at her shoulder, waited for her to turn to him and dragged her by her wrist into the shadow of the wall beside the gate. He slammed a hand on the wall beside her to stop her from running away before heâd said his piece.
âYou ain't goinâ back there. Deannaâs right, you gotta move inside the wallsâ He instructed.
Hey eyes grew wide with a stunned stare and rage suddenly flooded her mind and clouded her judgement and she struggled to keep it under wraps.
âNoâ She answered clearly while looking him right in the eye.
âCanât just stay out there all by yourself. Told ya before, I need you to live.â He reminded her.
âWhat do ya mean, âwhyâ? Kinda question is that?â He dropped his arm and backed up, aware that she seemed to have switched and her irritation towards him was founded in something a lot bigger than just him giving her orders.
âLook, I know you feel like you owe me for giving you my blood and we act like two middle schoolers kissing in secret, but it doesnât give you the right to tell me what to do. Only my family could do that and seeing as weâre not related, you donât have a say.â
He tried to reach out and touch her hand but she ripped it away from him, her eyes narrowing and her back hitting the house behind her.
âYou canât keep doing this to me.â She uttered.
âDoinâ what?â He questioned.
Kissing me and telling me what to do like an overprotective husband and then friend zoning me
âForget it. I have to go.â She grumbled.
She stormed off, flustered and shaking with a toxic mix of nerves and anger. Daryl tilted his head back and breathed out a long sigh before kicking the wooden panel on the wall.
The surface dented and his toes ached with pain but it was welcomed as something else to think about. Something other than how tetchy Jess had become and how he only really had himself to blame. He turned on his heels and marched off.
Outside the walls, Jess kept walking along the main road, missing the shrouded path to her home in the woods and equipped her hood and mask. She tugged her machete from her belt and swung it by her side as she strutted towards the end of the street. When she reached a row of abandoned cars, all parked at different angles like a bad attempt at Tetris, she turned her machete around, gripped it by the blade and began hammering the handle on the metal body work of each Vehicle, walking slowly as she went. The louder the better. Killing Walkers was the norm for Jess, but she still could never quite shake that niggling fear that pestered her every time she was faced with one. But as long as she kept them at the end of her machete or bow, she managed just fine.Â
Before long, she was pleased to find two of them staggering along the side of a house and snarling as they went. They were both female and one was somehow hobbling along with only half a foot left. Both of them were considerably decomposed and their summertime barbeque outfits were barely noticeable anymore. Jess flipped her machete back and ran at them, ignoring her usual spike of fear, skidding to a stop in front of them and kicking the woman in front in the stomach. The impact sent them both careering backwards and onto their backs, one on top of the other. Her blade was nowhere near as clean as it used to be. In fact, she hadnât cleaned it since sheâd used it to slit a manâs throat at the college and so, it failed to glint in the sun when she drove it down onto the Walkers, hacking at them like they were firewood. With each blow, a cry of frustration left her body and with that, went a tiny fraction of the confusion and turmoil in her head. She needed to blow off steam and chopping Walkers into bite sized chunks was the only effective way she could think of at the time.
Rosita, who was sitting on the steps to her house, clicked her fingers at Abraham and pointed to the empty space on the step beside her. She was used to Abeâs flirtatious and outgoing personality, never really seeing it as a negative and happy in the knowledge that if he was any other way, she wouldnât have been all that interested. He kept her days interesting and her nights fulfilled.
âYou are a terrible flirt, you know that? Good job Iâm so self-assured, huh?â She glowered at him playfully as he lowered himself down beside her with a grunt.
âFlirt? That was just for giggles, Mamasita. All my flirting is saved for you.â He grinned. He reached behind them, grabbing a half empty bottle of whiskey that heâd been working his way through. Rosita had told him countless times that he was only going to dehydrate himself and that necking whiskey on the daily was only going to cause him problems. But his selective hearing meant that he simply ignored her advice and only listened to what he wanted to hear.
âHmm. It better be.â She winked at him.
They had both looked over at the gate in time to see Jess storm away from Daryl and leave the compound. He was visibly annoyed and the curse word that left his lips was obvious even at such a distance.
âThings are still at a stalemate there then.â Abe mentioned.
âWhat?â Rosita asked.
âDaryl. Heâs keen on Jess.â He told her.
âWhat the hell are you talking about now? I donât see that. Theyâre just friends.â She expressed.
âOh yeah? Watch this and tell me he doesnât like her.â He challenged with a smug grin. He used the black, iron railings to hoist himself up from the step and was soon pacing over to where Daryl was wandering along the sidewalk. Rosita shook her head at his childish need to be right in every given situation.
âShe seems a little crankyâ Abe pointed out to a stony-faced Daryl.
Feeling like Abraham was deliberately picking the wrong moment to state the obvious, Daryl stopped and bit his lip, taking a couple of seconds to keep his impulses in check. Everything in him wanted to release his temper and start yelling at Abraham, asking him what the hell it had to do with him and why he couldnât just back off and leave Jess alone. Being in the middle of a quiet street, Rositaâs listening ear had not gone unnoticed and with little interest in getting into a confrontation with anyone else, Daryl opted to try and stay as calm as possible
âSheâs tired. Gettingâ Enid back, took it outta both of us.â He admitted.
It wasnât wholly an untruth, he could tell Jess was still feeling the after effects, as was he. But the real reason for the tension between them was coming from something else, something that he wasnât quite sure how to handle.
âSeems to me sheâs lacking more than sleep.â Abraham suggested boldly. âNeeds to get laid. Maybe I should help her out.â
Daryl heard Rosita scoff from where she was sitting in front of the door to her home and he couldnât even begin to think what Abraham thought he was playing at. Rosita was not the sort of fiery, Latino woman he would want to go up against. He checked the rest of the street, Rick was heading home and Carl and Enid were strolling in the direction of the pond, immersed in conversation. He instantly thought of how happy Jess would be to see them spending more time together, if she hadnât been too irate to stay. Abraham was taller than Daryl but he wasnât about to let that intimidate him, the subject matter was extremely important to him and it was for that reason that cracks began to show in his calm façade. His teeth pushed together and his jaw went rigid.
âLook, there ainât no bad blood between you nâ me. But you stay away from her. Ya hear me?â he advised.
âWhy? If you ainât going to do it, it ainât fair to keep her away from those that will.â Abraham continued with a sense of mischief to his voice. âHell, Daryl, better it be me than that yellow-bellied son of Deannaâs. Heâs been checking her out at every given opportunity.â
âWhy you so set on this, huh? You got a girl, manâ It was a complete mystery to Daryl, who thought it a little counterproductive to attempt to see two women at once. His brother proved it frequently by saying he was with one girl while in the midst of trying to woo another. The resulting drama always ended the same way, in a fight or with his truck getting keyed. It always ended in disaster and Daryl could never understand why no one could ever be content with what they already had.
Abraham took a peek over his shoulder to see Rosita gesturing wildly to him to put Daryl out of his misery and stop winding him up. His booming laugh filled the street and he landed a hand on Darylâs shoulder, gently shaking it.
âIâm yankinâ your chain.â He confessed. Daryl just shrugged him off. He could have done without it and would much rather have been left alone to figure out the mess that was his relationship with Jess âSure are touchy about this subject though.â
âIt ain't what it looks like.â Daryl declared.
âI donât give two short nâ curlies what it looks like, man. Sheâs into you. Youâre into her. What are you waitinâ for? A goddamn bus? Get it done, buddy.â
With that, he delivered a wink to Daryl and sauntered over to where Rosita was sitting. She punched his arm and unleashed a torrent of Spanish swear words while he laughed heartily and fished around in his pants pocket for a cigar.
The next day a decision was made; Deanna ordered all training sessions to be bumped up to twice a week and everyone that was able to hold a knife was to be taught how to use it effectively. Lookouts were to be set up along the main road to the gate with a checkpoint made at the end of the street. Manning them would be taxing but Rick stepped in with another roster to keep things ticking over smoothly. Jess, Aaron and Daryl were asked to sweep a local hardware warehouse for materials to make the checkpoint and lookouts. They were to take two trucks and return with as much as they could fit into them. Deannaâs pleas to Jess to move inside the walls fell on deaf ears once more and instead she set about doing everything she could to help prepare for any future attacks.
She didnât see Daryl hunting that morning, the second morning in a row. She couldnât say she was surprised given that their last exchange had been less than friendly and sheâd spent that afternoon carving up Walkers and leaving them in bloody piles around the neighborhood. She could feel his eyes on her as Deanna announced her plans but she didnât once look at him, having spent the entire night mulling over the last few days, weeks even and coming to some kind of conclusion as to how to proceed.
Aarons words stayed with her and she had to give some credit to his ideas, especially the notion to just go with it and have some fun for the time being. Kissing Daryl was the most fun sheâd had in her whole life and sheâd been starkly aware of its absence during their three-week hiatus after dislocating her shoulder. Heâd told her heâd missed her and he didnât mean in the sense that he hadnât seen her, he meant that he missed kissing her and she felt exactly the same. After all, how could she not miss kissing the most attractive man she'd ever set eyes on? The man she loved.Â
Letting off steam and spending some time thinking about things with Aarons view on it had certainly helped clear her mind of the useless, overthought clutter that had accumulated. She felt much more able to make an informed decision about how she would handle things from then on and when she found herself standing in Aaron and Ericâs living room, drawing Xâs on a map under Darylâs watchful eye, she told herself that she was going to lock the previous day away in the past.
Requiring refreshments in order to think straight, Aaron declared he was going to make some coffee and promptly left the room. From where she was, leaning on the back of the couch, Jess monitored Darylâs movements and her eyes followed him as he slowly ambled to the window. Heâd not said a word to her but he had spent a considerable amount of time looking at her. She followed him to where he stood, silently peering through the gap in the blinds.
âIâm sorry. About yesterday.â She said with sincerity.
An uncomfortable quiet was what followed and Jess felt panic begin to rise when he didnât respond straight away.
âI pissed ya off.â He finally admitted âIâm the one that should be sorry. Just want you to be safe.â
His lack of conversing with her had little to do with him not wanting to speak to her. He wasnât angry at her, nor was he sulking in any way. He simply didnât have anything to say and until he knew that she was ready to mend things, he was going to keep his mouth shut.
âI know.â She assured him.
âYou still mad at me?â He asked sheepishly.
âNo. Iâm not mad at youâ
He held her gaze as he peered at her sideways, unable to drag his eyes away from a face heâd grown so fond of. He hated making her angry, hated that she was upset with him and hated that he couldnât yet give her what he knew she needed. She lifted a hand and pinched the lapel of his leather vest, pulling it to the side and urging him to step around and face her. He quickly got the message and found that her hand hovered away from his vest and rested on his chest, over his heart.
I hate that Iâm so in love with you
She took a small step closer, testing him to see if heâd reject her. When he didnât, she decided to take Aaronâs advice and enjoy herself while it lasted. Her hand moved up once again, this time to the side of his face and his eyelids flickered at her touch. He nestled against her hand and she heard a subtle sight emanate from him.
âAaron could see usâ He warned her.
âYou didnât care that Carl saw you holding my hand the other day.â she reminded him.Â
He nibbled his lower lip, considering that she had a point. He hadnât cared that Carl had seen him holding her hand, but there was the very real possibility of either one of them being seriously injured or killed. Such a thing was at the bottom of his list of priorities at the time. She was still peering up at him and seconds were ticking away. He heard Aaron opening cupboards and drawers in the kitchen. Still busy. He dipped his head, tugging her close to him by her wrist and holding it where her new bracelet rested. He rested his forehead on hers, ghosting her lips and leaving her with a featherlight kiss. Then, he had no choice but to pull back as Aaron reappeared with a tray of coffeeâs in his hands.
Jess took a deep breath and ran her hands down her clothes. She was flustered and pleased that his interest in being close to her didnât seem to have waned. At least she now knew that pushing him away was only going to result in him bouncing right back to her. But try as she might, she couldnât help but think it was because he felt like he owed her, or because she was simply used to it now. After all, why would someone like Daryl, so tough, so courageous, so completely different, want to be anything other than friends with a self-conscious nerd?
Their destination was an hour and thirty minutesâ drive away and Jess opted to jump into Aarons truck on the journey out. Daryl didnât seem to mind although he was not likely to express his disappointment in front of Aaron. Pleased to find a CD player in the cab and a pile of dusty CDâs, Jess and Aaron spent the majority of the drive singing like banshees and dancing in their seats.
It had been a long time since sheâd felt so free. With no laws to abide by, no boundaries to keep to, and every building, home and store deserted, freedom was everywhere. Yet Jess didnât see freedom in the physical sense. It was more than that to her, more of a state of mind than being able to go anywhere at any time. Singing at the top of her voice with her good friend without a care in the world meant she could escape for a while, and simply enjoy the existence of Aaron and his terrible singing voice.
âI feel like Iâm at the zoo!â She cried through the rush of wind past the open windows and the loud tones of Twist and Shout by The Beatles.
âWhat? Why the zoo?â Aaron wanted to know in between warbling along to the song.
âBecause the noises that are coming out of your mouth are unlike anything Iâve ever heard before!â She laughed.
âHey! My voice is amazing!â He argued
âYeah, amazingly bad!â She chuckled.
When the song's most memorable lines kicked in once more, they both wailed and made dramatic hand gestures as if no one else was watching. Except there was someone watching. In the next lane, with one hand on the steering wheel and a bemused expression, Daryl was witnessing Jess as heâd never seen her before, hair blowing in the wind, eyes closed and arms hanging out of the window as the truck shot along the road. She was singing without a care in the world and after the initial shock he experienced at the sight, he soon realized how endearing it was to see her so carefree. He smiled to himself as he shook his head at the both of them and their mini concert and if the world wasnât full of decaying, walking corpses and humans hellbent on destroying one another, he would have thought it was the perfect start to the day.
 The warehouse, upon first inspection, was deserted and its shutters were wide open. After two walks of the perimeter, Daryl gave them the signal to head inside and joined them at the closest entrance. Jess half expected to find the building picked clean, but it was quickly apparent that any visitors since the turn had little need for sheet metal and building supplies, not like the demand for food, weapons and medicine. Walkers milled about inside; their numbers low enough for the three of them to take them out without a high level of danger. But it had been a while Since Jess had been faced with so many Walkers in one week, even if she had sought the two from the previous day out herself. Opting to use the experience as part of her knife training, she kept her machete tied to her belt and used the smaller blade gifted to her by Daryl almost two years ago instead. As each dead person neared her, she told herself to keep calm and remember her training, promising herself that she would not use the bigger blade or her bow.
A couple of near misses were enough to send her spiraling into self-doubt and letting her fear determine her actions. While she was busy backing away from a gnarly, male Walker with a hole so wide in its shoulder that she could see through to the other side, a bolt whizzed past her ear and dropped the threat to the ground and immediately afterwards, she felt Daryl slap a hand around her wrist and turn her body to face him. In the dusty, barely lit warehouse with its high aisles and cold, musty air, Jess sucked in a deep breath and shook her head.
âYâalright?â Daryl checked, receiving a short nod from her.
Suffocating her with concern was not a wise idea and Daryl knew it. So, he left her to put the last Walker down but kept a close eye on her from the end of the aisle. At the same time, Aaron was beginning to drag wood and metal from shelving units with all his might, piling them up onto a forklift which to his glee, still worked albeit after some spluttering and stalling. Daryl was soon helping him hurl heavy materials around while Jess was needed at the door due to the noise attracting Walkers from the surrounding area. Climbing on top of a truck in the parking lot, she picked them off, one by one with her bow, deducting five points in her head for every shot she missed.
âJess? How we doing out there?â Aaron called out from the darkness inside.
âWeâre looking at a soccer team right about now.â She shouted back.
âHuh? What does that mean?â He enquired.
âEleven. Weâre on eleven Walkers, bright spark.â She quipped as she drew the strings and arrow back on her bow once more. âMake that ten.â
Daryl jogged out from under the shutter, crossbow held high and eyes fixed on the approaching Walkers. Jess dropped another corpse and was quickly preoccupied by the bodies hitting the asphalt from nowhere until she realized that he was scooting across the parking lot below and making for his truck by the gate, killing everything that moved in the process.
âStop stealing my thunder!â She complained loudly. Her aim needed some work and it was the perfect opportunity. So far, sheâd only had to deduct ten points and that was progress considering the amount of Walkers sheâd been faced with.
âWouldnât have to if ya wasnât shootinâ slower than an asthmatic snail.â He jested, turning and taking a couple of steps backwards so he could survey her reaction.
âOh yeah? How about we see how fast I can fucking shoot you!â She exclaimed, nocking another arrow and aiming at him. She heard him chuckle and he resumed his hurrying to the truck. The sun cast itâs glow over him, his sweat slicked arms from the manual labor seeming even more toned than usual and Jess cocked her head to one side and blinked slowly, pondering how she could quite happily wile away the hours with such a view. But reality crept up on her daydream when the engine of Darylâs truck roared to life and he backed the vehicle up to the shutter.
Having shot Daryl a smug look of defiance after killing the rest of the Walkers in the parking lot, Jess helped to load everything up, catching Darylâs eye every now and then and questioning in her mind why it was that this day, out of all the time sheâd known him, she was more aware of his attention on her than ever before. The way he was looking at her was different, like he wanted to smile every single time and it set her mind on edge and made her stomach hum with a delightful anticipation of what might happen when they were alone again. Maybe it was her new found way of accepting the situation, thanks for Aaron and his intuition. Maybe it was the tentative way in which heâd asked if she was mad at him. Or, maybe sheâd just missed him in those small hours overnight.
After the second truck was filled up, the trio decided to head back to Alexandria as the air was cooling and evening was setting in. The sky turned a water colored texture of oranges and pinks and with her back leaned against the inside of the truckâs door, Jess pretended to fasten loose thread on her gloves when she was really stealing a lot of lingering glances at her return journey accomplice.
Daryl had glimpsed at her a couple of times, seeing her eyes lower suspiciously into her lap or onto the gloves which she held against her bent knees. When a sign for a newly build neighborhood shot past at the side of the highway, he eased off the gas and contemplated if it was worth stopping. Sensing the slow in pace, Jess sat up.
âYou see that sign?â He asked.
âYup. You wanna check it out?â
âWorth a look. Need all the supplies we can get.â
âOkay. Iâll tell Aaron.â She announced, grabbing the radio from the dash and holding down the button on the side.
âThis is BloodyMary to MonkeyNuts, come in.â
Darylâs head slowly turned to her and he shot an incredulous look at the names sheâd apparently dubbed herself and Aaron. Ignoring his perplexed face, she turned up the volume on the radio and waited. It crackled and hissed and Aaronâs voice filled the cab.
âWe talked about this. I did not agree to that name and âBloodyMaryâ is not becoming for you.â
âIâm not changing it now. You know it was either that or âLargeMargeâ and according to you, thatâs even more unbecoming.â She sent back âDonât be a killjoy, MonkeyNuts.â
âWhat do you want, Jess?â came Aaronâs chuckled response.
âWe just saw a sign for a new build neighborhood. Weâre turning around to check it out.â
âYeah, I saw that. Iâll follow on.â
She threw the radio back onto the dash and clunked her boots up, crossing one over the other a slouching down in the passenger seat. Daryl was still glancing over at her intermittently.
âLargeMarge?â He eventually questioned.
âWhat? My dazzling personality is large enough to warrant such a name. But âBloodyMaryâ just seemed a little moreâŠapocalyptic.â She figured with a shrug.
Yeah, youâre real weird. He thought.
Sheâd now seen Daryl smile and laugh more than sheâd ever thought possible and even more so in the last few weeks. It was a sight that she never got tired of, especially when she was the reason for it. She knew he thought her to be weird, but even with that in mind, he still wanted to be around her anyway and the thought warmed her heart and set her reservations about his real feelings aside. There was no doubt in her mind that he enjoyed her company, trusted her and cared about her wellbeing and to have that was a hundred times more than she could have expected when sheâd first met him at the quarry. Hoping for any more than that could well have been pushing her luck, but she loved him, so completely and unconditionally that she couldnât help but hope and dream for something more.
The estate of houses they found were still standing and looked reasonably untouched. Drapes were ripped and windows were smashed but it was nothing out of the ordinary for a post-apocalyptic scene. Some cars were still parked on drives, with suitcases and bags strapped to the roofs, blood splatters on the doorsteps and front yards with violent smears now brown and dried with age. Jess and Daryl hopped out of their truck with Aaron signaling that he would check the cars and keep an eye out for any danger. Choosing the biggest house in the street, Jess equipped her bow and kicked the door in, creating enough of a racket to be heard in the next state.
âEasy, girl.â Daryl hushed âDamn RPG would have been quieter than you.â
âGet off my ass before I put you on yours.â She threatened as she entered the house, swinging her bow this way and that, into every room and checking the coast was clear. A single Walker in the kitchen was swiftly eliminated by Daryl as Jess crept around in the study, opening cupboards and pocketing a packet of painkillers and a bottle of whiskey. She had no plans to drink it, but Abraham sure as hell would. Under the desk, her boot hit something heavy and metal and she stooped down, squinting at the huge, locked safe before her.
âWhatcha got?â Daryl asked while wandering in, scanning the shelves and noticing her bow sticking up from under the desk where sheâd positioned it over her shoulder and bent down to inspect the dial on the front of the door.
âSafe. Big one.â She muttered. âProbably not even worth looking inside. Canât exactly buy our way to survival these days.â
âA safe ain't just for money. Especially in a neighborhood like this. Move aside, lemme take a look.â
Complying but with a little confusion around how much Daryl seemed to know about safes and what was kept in them, Jess planted herself in a leather, wheeled chair and pushed herself away with her feet until the backrest hit the bookshelves behind her.
"Hmm. Old safe for a new house" He mused.
From where she was, she could see him grab a pen and a piece of paper from the desk, returning to the safe and sitting, cross legged in front of it. He brought his ear to the dial and listened intently as he slowly turned it, making notes on the paper as he went. Jess watched with great interest, mystified by his actions and a little impressed all at once and when he held up the paper and started spinning the dial a little more rapidly, she heard a loud click and he tugged the door open, moving back to give himself enough room to delve inside. Jessâs jaw almost hit the floor.
âAre you-are you kidding me?!â She cried âWere you a bank robber or something?â
âNo.â he grunted without even a glance over his shoulder. He pulled a pistol and ammo from the safe, along with multiple tubs of medications. He handed them to Jess, who was still staring at him in shock as she shoved the items into her backpack.
âWould you care to explain how you knew how to get into that thing, then?â She pressed.
He got to his feet, picked up his crossbow and slung it over his shoulder.
âNot reallyâ He grumbled.
 In the blink of an eye, he was gone and instead of pursuing him, she continued searching the house, eventually finding him outside on the porch, arranging packets and tinned food in a box. It was quite the find and one that meant their detour on the way home was not in vain. Theyâd found a gun, ammo, medication and food all from one house. So pleased was he with their find, that Daryl ripped open a packet of beef jerky and took a huge bite, chewing messily and grunting in approval. Jess inched closer, feeling mischievous and waiting for her moment. As he raised the packet once more, she snatched it from his grasp and dragged the tough, leathery substance over her tongue.
âI licked it so itâs mine.â She declared with a certain degree of provocation.
He dropped his now empty hand and cleared his throat. Dipping his head, he stepped closer to her and bit down on his tongue. There were so many things he wanted to say, most of them suggestive and daring, even though heâd tested the water by flirting with her before. He didnât know if any of the possibilities were a little too forward and the last thing he wanted was to come across like Merle, but he was sure that Jess was unlikely to switch from her playful mood to full-on offended and figured that even if she did, she would forgive him eventually. Deciding to risk it, he waited for her to catch his eye.
âYou uhâŠyou really should stop teasinâ the fuck outta me with thatâŠunless you wanna do somethinâ âbout it.â He told her. It was delivered with a world of confidence and sureness that he didnât know he possessed and when she failed to appear disgusted or flee before him at the very idea of something so risquĂ©, his heart rate quickened and a small smile tugged at his lips.
Jess, determined to follow Aaronâs advice and just have herself some fun, pursed her lips and for a moment, struggled to think up a response that didnât make her look completely inexperienced and shy. She wanted to widen the smile on his face, she wanted to make him laugh and above all, she wanted to show him that if she felt like it and had the nerve, she could give as good as she got.
âDonât you dare threaten me with a good time, Daryl.â She purred at him.
He had to look away, it was all he could do to stop the rush of heat that radiated from beneath the skin across his nose and cheeks. Flabbergasted and rendered temporarily mute by her unexpected response, he rubbed at his chin and couldnât hold back the throaty laugh that expelled from his lungs.
âWellâŠshit.â He chuckled at her, eventually able to bring his gaze back to her. She shrugged off her backpack and stuck her hand inside, retrieving one of the pots of medication and reading the label.
âGet your mind out of the gutter, Dixonâ she instructed, now taking control of a conversation he thought he held the reins of. Heâd never seen it before, her willingness to take their mild flirting to the next level.
âWhy would I do that when youâre throwinâ backchat like that at me?â He commented.
She delighted at the redness of his cheeks which he was no longer bothering to hide and it occurred to her that she didnât feel one shred of shyness when she would have otherwise curled up into herself and wished the ground would open up to devour her.
âStop distracting me. We have a job to do.â She smiled.
âYouâre the ones distractinâ meâ He pointed out.
âAre tooâ He uttered under his breath, sitting down on the wooden bench next to the box of supplies. âTalkinâ to me âbout lickinâ stuff⊠God damn.â
Not willing to let him forget that heâd been the one to bring it up, she raised an eyebrow at him as she took a generous bite of the beef jerky that was still pinched between her fingers on one hand and dropped her backpack on the floor. She handed him the snack and also settled on the bench, with the box in-between them. When he was done eating, he screwed up the wrapper in his fist and threw it at her. She batted it away and the two of them sniggered at one another.
Checking on Aaron once again, Daryl noted that he was still perched in his truck's cab, with the door open and one leg dangling out.
âSo, did we swap kissing for trust?â Jess suddenly asked, far too loudly for Darylâs comfort.
âShh! What is with you today?! Ya so damn loud!â He hissed, worriedly looking over at Aaron again, who clearly hadnât heard a word and also hadnât moved an inch. âWhat are ya talkinâ âbout?â
âWell, you started kissing me and now you donât trust me anymore.â She explained casually.
âFor god sakes.â He mumbled to himself as he rose to his feet and scuffed around on the decking. He lit a cigarette and did a small double-take at her while she eagerly awaited some kind of answer. âI do that because I trust ya.â He muttered.
âThen tell me how you knew how to open that safe.â
Daryl, much like his brother, was no angel before the turn. Following in Merle Dixonâs footsteps came with a price and that price was usually paid in the form of a criminal record and a list of things that he wished heâd never got involved in. At the time, he hardly knew any different, their life lived on the edge, drunk and high and notorious for being unpredictable and volatile was the norm and with no other role models to turn to, Daryl didnât have a chance to choose a different path. Heâd been in more fights than he could count, never being one to back down from a questionable look or an offensive remark made in a bar. Heâd given Jess hints, snippets of who he used to be and the Daryl sheâd met at the quarry was the start of his transition into becoming his own person. The turn itself had given him the clarity he needed to open his mind and showed him that Merleâs way was not the only way. Daryl had always been the more sensitive of the two and was naturally analytical, but he knew that voicing any opinions against anything Merle said was likely to get him punched. Heâd done a lot of things that he wasnât proud of, things that he never really wanted Jess to know. Things that made him so far removed from the kind of person she deserved to be with. He didnât deserve forgiveness or the benefit of the doubt. He knew what he was and that was a redneck with a record and a lot of regrets.
âDid some stuff I ain't proud of.â He grumbled, pleading with her in his mind to just leave the subject alone. He didnât want to lie to her, but he didnât want her to know the lows heâd stooped to either.
âHavenât we all?â She mused.
âI mean before.â He added. âYa donât wanna know.â
âI do.â She corrected âI do want to know. Tell me.â
She was begging him with her innocent eyes, urging him to trust her and he found it almost impossible to decline. Sheâd seen his temper; sheâd been witness to and on the end of his biting remarks when he was angry and she still came back to him. Heâd heard it with his own ears that she liked him as more than a friend, even after seeing the parts of his character that he loathed and sheâd trusted him with her life and continued to do so. Something told him that she wasnât about to let the subject go and if she did, she would only ask again at a later date and so, he gave in, deciding not to mention too many details.
âNever robbed a bank. But other places, yeah.â He admitted.
Her face lit up as if heâd graced her with the most valuable nugget of information that nobody else could ever know and on the inside, her heart sang with the fact that he had opened up about something so potentially precarious. She told herself not to react too dramatically, or he was likely to close up again altogether.
âOther placesâŠ?â She probed gently.
âMmhmm. The odd house. Merle used to scope places out nâ weâd go in. Usually rich folks. More money than sense. Some bars nâ liquor stores too.â He confessed.
âYou ever hurt anybody?â She wanted to know. She was conscious that the question might well backfire on her but after a brief spell of him chewing nervously on his bottom lip and taking a long drag of his smoke, he nodded solemnly.
âCouple times. Not women. Or kids. Had to keep folks in line, yâknow? Stop âem callinâ the cops. Never killed nobodyâŠbefore the turn anywaysâ
He expelled smoke from his lungs, the plume rising in a bluish cloud above him. The smell of nicotine stung her nose and she realized that he was having trouble bringing his gaze back to her. He was ashamed and it was written all over him. In his body language, in his eyes when she managed to catch sight of them and in his tone of voice. She felt guilt burn in her chest for making him discuss it, but if she never really knew his past, how could she know how far heâd come? It was obvious to Jess that the Daryl that was standing in front of her was most definitely not the Daryl from before the world went bad and she wasnât about to let him believe otherwise.
âCan you pick locks?â She asked with genuine interest.
âDepends on the lock. But mostly, yeah.â
She giggled to herself and shook her head in disbelief. The criminal element to his past activities didnât matter to her anymore, he wasnât a danger to her or anyone else in Alexandria and the fact that heâd had such a shady past only aided him in his need to protect those he loved in the new world. He wasnât afraid to do what it took and he didnât do anything by halves.
âThat is so cool.â She expressed, looking up and finding him staring down at her. She lifted a hand and extended her index finger, pointing at him. âYou, Dixon⊠are cooler than a childhood secret handshakeâ
âLook, if youâd known me back then-â He tried
â-I did know you back then. I met you at the quarry.â She cut in.
He threw his smoke away and let out a long sigh, briefly turning his back to her and leaning on the fencing around the porch. He could see that Aaron was now on his feet and wandering through the front yards of the houses opposite, peeing into windows and opening discarded suitcases.
âI ainât a good guy, Jess.â She heard him mumble.
âWhat a load of hooey.â She scoffed.
He shot her a baffled glance over his shoulder and slowly turned around, leaning back against the barrier.
âHooey? What are you, ninety-four?!â
âOh, shut up. You are a good person. Okay, look at Ironman.â She mentioned.
âIronma-what?!â He questioned in exasperation at yet another superhero analogy. He weighed up the benefits of at least trying to pick up one of Carlâs comics for research purposes at some point.
âTony Stark!â She cried, flinging her hands up âHe was a selfish playboy who managed to win the heart of Pepper Potts. Tony did stupid shit all the time, like creating Ultron. But from Ultron came Vision who was a badass character and Tony ended up still being kinda selfish but an altogether good person. Iâm rambling, you uhâŠwanna stop me?â
âAaron.â He said blankly with a nudge of his head in Aarons direction.
âRight. Aaronâs there. Fine. My point is, it doesnât matter who you were. What matters is who you are now and what you do with the very useful skills you have. You are a good person, Daryl. And you are cool.â She informed him with a sincerity to her tone that conveyed her belief in what she was saying.
His face changed and his gaze became more intense as he tried to fight the urge to tell her that she should stay away from men like him. That she had no business believing that he was anything other than Merle Dixonâs brother, the criminal redneck with the bad temper.
âDonât be so naĂŻve, Jess. People, they only show ya what they want you to see. Some folks, they tryâŠthey try to be good but inside, all there is... is darkness and pain nâ all the fucked-up shit that they did.â
She leaned back against the benchâs backrest, thudding her jacket against it and crossing one leg over the other.
âWoah. Okay. Thatâs deep. Take it easy, Bucky.â She smirked to herself.
Suddenly, he remembered overhearing Jess telling Carl that Bucky Barnes was her favorite superhero. It dawned on him that for her to refer to him by that name, it must mean that she saw him as similar. The idea was all kinds of wrong to him. How could he ever be seen in the same vein as a superhero? In his own mind, he was far from it and he didnât want Jess believing something that he simply would not be able to live up to.
âWinter Soldier.â He said
Her eyes widened and what had started as a throwaway comment that she thought would just get bypassed, had now opened up the truth; that Daryl was her superhero.
âYou heard me.â She stated
Aaron was approaching and she quickly shifted her eyes to alert Daryl to his presence. He was only a few feet away, walking along the path towards the front porch they were both residing on.
âYeah, I heard ya. Shouldnât call me that name. I ainât no superhero. Far from it.â He quickly threw in before Aaron could hear anything.
âYou donât see it, but you are to a lot of people. And you are to me.â She concluded.
Standing up to acknowledge Aaron, she clocked extra movement from behind him and the telltale gurgling of blood-filled lungs. Her heart jumped into her throat.
âWalker! WALKER!â She yelled, ripping her bow from her shoulder. âShit! AARON!â
Daryl however, was quicker off the mark and grabbed his crossbow, fired a bolt and put down the threat before Jess could even choose an arrow. Aaronâs jaw almost hit the floor when he turned to find that the corpse was within grabbing distance and he was soon charging over to Daryl to shake his hand.
âThat thing came out of nowhere. Little too close for comfort. Thanks, man.â He said with a form grip around Daryl's fist.
âAnytime.â Daryl replied.
Deannaâs son, Spencer wasnât half as popular as his fair and reasonable mother. Heâd been caught on various occasions taking more than he was allowed from the pantry and had rubbed Daryl up the wrong way right from the day Rick's group arrived. There was something about him that Daryl never trusted and it was for that reason, that he kept his distance and was careful not to disclose any valuable information around him.
Jess had hardly spoken to him, even having arrived in Alexandria considerably earlier than Daryl sheâd avoided him due to receiving much the same vibes from him as Daryl did. She also thought him to be creepy and disrespectful towards women, which was surprising considering who his mother was and Jessâs reasonably solid relationship to her.
The trucks were left at the side of the road to be unloaded the next morning with the help of others from the community. Jess hugged Aaron goodbye and stood aside when he shook Darylâs hand and thanked him a second time for saving his skin. As she backed up, she collided with somebody and spun around to find Spencer grinning down at her from his tall height.
âSpencer, Hi. Sorry, I didnât know you were there.â She apologized, moving back and creating a considerable distance between them. Daryl hovered around behind her, listening closely and telling himself heâd rather shoot Spencer between the eyes with a bolt than leave her alone with him.
âHow are you?â He asked.
âUh, Fine.â Jess replied curtly.
âYâknow, Iâve seen all the work youâve done to help the town. How much youâve changed since you showed up in that mask and hood. Now I know your name, I thought it might be good to get to know you a little better. Maybe youâd like to join me for dinner tonight.â He explained.
Darylâs hands curled into tight fists at his side and he swallowed hard in an effort to contain the pure fury that was bubbling in his chest. Over her shoulder, Spencer could see the archer glaring angrily at him as he slowly paced back and forth like a guard dog about to attack.
Back off asshole. Lay one fuckinâ finger on her nâ Iâll knock you so hard, youâll see tomorrow today.
Shocked by the offer and having it come from absolutely nowhere, Jess immediately decided that if this was not some kind of joke, then it was a setup for whatever Spencerâs ulterior motive must be. She couldnât possibly fathom what she might have that he would ever want, but she certainly had no designs on finding out.
âThank you for the invitation but Iâm going to politely decline. Iâm heading home, itâs been a long day. Goodnight.â She delivered gracefully, stepping away and walking to the gate. Daryl was infuriated to find as Jess walked away, Spencerâs eyes dragged up and down her body and he licked his lips, shamelessly checking her out, almost as if he was trying to provoke a response. When he turned back, he found Daryl stood inches from his face with one hand on his knife.
âYou think cause youâre Deannaâs son you can get away with whatever ya want?â He growled. Spencerâs mouth dropped open but no sound emerged and Daryl wasnât in the mood to wait around for chit chat. âYou listen to me. If I ever catch you lookinâ at her like that again, Iâma tear your heart outta your ass nâ shove it down your throat. You hearinâ me?â
With one eyebrow flickering up and the badly disguised fear that Daryl had instilled in him settling behind his eyes. Spencer nodded once and backed up, clearing his throat as he turned and walked away.
Daryl didnât ask to walk her home or stay the night. In fact, conversation was now so far from his mind while he settled his rage that he stalked along behind Jess, having caught her up. She quickly guessed that being walked home was going to be a regular thing since the threat of attack was now even more heightened. What was unusual, was the quietness that resonated from beside her as Daryl ambled along the path, pushing branches aside. After such a chat-filled day, she thought it a little strange that he hadnât uttered a single word yet.
âYouâre quiet. Whatâs wrong?â She asked.
âMâalways quiet.â He grumbled.
âAlright. Whatever.â She shrugged, feeling her body heat surge under her jacket âAhh, itâs evening and itâs still so hot. What I wouldnât give for some Blue Belle right now.â
âWhatâs that?â He questioned, sounding as though he couldnât have cared less.
âOnly the best ice cream made in Texas. Preferably chocolate chip cookie dough. It was my pre-apocalypse, binge-eating go-to.â She told him with a slight smile at the memory of the finest tasting treat sheâd ever eaten. Of all the things she missed, Blue Belle was most definitely one of them.
âSingle girls best friend. Along with catsâŠand vibrators.â She continued to babble, feeling him glance sideways at her âSo Iâm told.â
The temptation to hint at being single, even at the end of the world was strong and so, sheâd given in in the small hope that he might pick up on it and make some kind of comment about how she couldnât exactly call herself single anymore. She could hope, but it didnât happen. In fact, all that did transpire was another long and tension-filled silence.
âSonofabitchâ She suddenly sighed, flapping her hands noisily by her sides and stopping on the path. âItâs like youâre not even here. What is it? Whatâs bothering you?â
âSânothinâ.â He uttered, unwilling to lie to her and tell her the truth at the same time. He was torn between coming across as jealous once more or throwing her a mistruth to keep her attention away from the fact that it literally made his blood boil when another man looked at her or spoke to her in a remotely sexual way.
âDaryl, just tell me.â She demanded with a sternness on her face that he didnât necessarily want to contend with. If he pushed back and continued to deny it, she would become angrier and the last thing he wanted was to fight with her.
âAlright, fineâ He snapped âJustâŠdonât overthink it, or freak out, okay?â
âI willâŠtry. I will try not to do that.â She attempted to promise, knowing full well that her specialties were overthinking and freaking out.
âItâs Abe. He keeps harpinâ on about havinâ sex with ya. Now Spencerâs got a thing for ya too.â
Jess didnât think before she did it, but when a laugh tumbled from her lips at the thought of Abraham making any serious moves on her while he was with Rosita, or even at all, it had proved too amusing to ignore. From her perspective, Daryl just couldnât not understand the type of friendship she had with the big, cocky military guy. Maybe it was because heâd never been party to such a friendship in his life before, or maybe it was because Abrahamâs humour and take on life was different to Darylâs. Either way, he would only continue to get riled up by it unless she tried to explain it to him.
âAbe really does not mean that, Daryl.â She assured him.
âYou sure âbout that?â he questioned.
âYes, I am actually. Heâs military. Thatâs his humor and Iâm used to it because thatâs how I grew up, I was an Army brat. I see a lot of my brother and his friends in Abe and thatâs why we get along so well.â She conveyed.
Daryl thought back to when Merle had left the Military. Dishonorably discharged for punching his superior. It was no more than Daryl expected at the time. Heâd arrived back at the Dixon house with a bag of his belongings and much the same humor as heâd possessed before he embarked on a new route in his life. Daryl couldnât blame the military for Merleâs low opinion of women, the way he saw them as pieces of meat most of the time was present long before his days doing drills and target practice.
âSo, ya ainât gonna⊠Yâknow?â He checked with a certain nervous disposition. The thumb of one of his hands was anxiously tapping away at the bottom of his vest.
âNo! Thatâd be like incest.â She grimaced.
âRight.â He grunted âWhat âbout Spencer? Guys a dick.â
He refrained from admitting that heâd squared up to Spencer and threatened him with violence if he ever looked at Jess the wrong way again. He knew there was a very good chance that word would get back to her about that anyway and all he needed was one, little excuse to follow up on his promise. But he knew that Jess would only bombard him with questions he just couldnât answer.
âYeah, he is and Iâm not interested. Why do you care about who wants to sleep with me, anyway?â She wanted to know.
Then, Daryl broke his own code. The lie had drifted out like it was nothing.
In the back of his mind, he cursed himself.
Câmon. You fuckinâ pussy. You do care. Donât lie to her.
âSo, this brooding silence is all for nothing.â She snapped, flapping her hands by her side and charging off. He sighed in frustration and continued to follow her, almost able to feel the irritation radiating from her very being. They covered only a short distance before she stopped out of the blue once more and blocked his path.
âLook, even if he does want to sleep with me, itâs a compliment. Iâm no supermodel but why wouldnât a guy want to have sex with me? I mean, I spent my whole life thinking Iâm not good enough. But maybe I am. I may be a geek to the bone but I have feelings and needs and Iâm not a freakinâ nun. I didnât have the willpower to go down that road, remember?â
All at once, it occurred to him that in his desperate need to keep her away from anyone elseâs affections, heâs somehow managed to offend her. His head grew louder as he tried to find a way to put things right, tried to search for something to say, for a way to explain away the fact that he hated the idea of anyone but him being able to touch her. But the words wouldnât present themselves from the ocean on muddled thoughts in his head. Words were just not his forte.Â
âI didnât meanâŠjust forget it.â He mumbled.
âNo. Yâknow what? Why not Abe or even Spencer? You donât want them anywhere near me yet Iâm not good enough for you to want me, am I, Daryl?â
His whole body went rigid at the sound of her question. His eyes widened and even his nervous hand tapping on his vest ceased. Sheâd been pushed to the edge and he hadnât even realized the can of worms he was opening as he was speaking. His heart sank when she stormed off and left him there, clueless and afraid that he might have just screwed everything up with the one person that had ever meant anything to him and all because he had no idea how to tell her how he really felt.
He kicked at the bushes and leaves on the ground around him as darkness blanketed the woods. Emotions had ever been easy for Daryl to contend with. A lifetime of stuffing them down, being beaten for crying by his father and having his older brother try to âmake a manâ out of him. He still felt them, searing and powerful and unchecked, more often than not translating into violent outbursts or a feeling of too much all at once that usually led to cigarette burns on the back of his hands or some other self-destructive way of release. Now, he had feelings of an altogether different kind, new and complicated and truly terrifying even to someone of his level of courage. Those feelings were gradually tearing down everything that was good when they should have been building it up. Jess. She was the good in his life. She was the thing that made him smile and laugh and brought out things in him that he never even knew were there to begin with. He was going to lose her unless he did something, unless he acted with haste and the only way he knew how to do that was with actions instead of words.
 Jess was staring at a blank page in her journal when the bell on the gate rang. She clenched her jaw, snapping the pen between her teeth and throwing it on the bed along with what had proved to be a useless form of venting. The pages of the journal bent and scrunched when the book hit the quilt after she carelessly threw it aside.
She stood up, ran her hands down her black tank top and grey sweatpants and tugged the tie from her hair as she squinted through the gap in the blacked out window. Daryl was eagerly treading back and forth beyond the gate, his crossbow swinging by his side and his eyes sweeping the floor as he moved. She could tell, even from her distance away that he was battling some kind of internal war with himself and she prepared for what was looking likely to be an awkward exchange.
She headed outside, slamming the door behind her and running a hand through her hair as she reached the gate. He stopped and threaded his crossbow across his shoulder, his bottom lip clamped under his teeth.
âYouâre mad at meâ He stated before she could speak. âI ain't leavinâ things that way.â
âIâm tired. It makes me sassy. Apparentlyâ She said quietly, wishing that she could leave and go back to the diner. To the quietness where she could at least try and make sense of how everything was changing. She was reaching the end of her tether and the direct and angry question that sheâd spat at him like it was acid had worked its way out from the back of her mind. She didnât have the strength to hold it back anymore.
âKinda like your sass.â He admitted, moving closer to the gate and linking his fingers through it. âYou gonna let me in?â
âShouldnât you be getting back to the house?â She asked.
He dipped his head for a moment and leaned it against the fencing. His hair flattened and she heard him drag in a deep breath before he raised his head again and positioned his eyes between the diamond gaps in the structure, looking right at her and silently pleading with her to just let him inside.
âNeed to put somethinâ straight firstâ he answered.
âThatâs very crypticâ she muttered, unimpressed and flicking the latch on the gate to allow him access.
He followed her wordlessly to the diner and as soon as he clicked the door closed behind them, he wasted no time in reaching out to grab her hand, quickly halting her and closing the gap between them. Her hands instinctively came up and rested on his chest, as if she was about to push him away but he held onto her tightly, with one hand holding her waist and the other raised to her face. His finger was extended over her lips, signaling that he didnât want her to talk. To him, it wasnât the time for it. She couldnât move, couldnât speak. His fingers curled against the skin of her waist, almost gripping her flesh and the want in his touch matched that of his eyes, which were piercing and serious. He hadnât even kissed her but it was enough to make her weaken in his grasp and she felt her legs begin to tremble. He could sense her anxiety and removed his finger from her lips, bringing his face close to hers and pressing soft kisses to her nose and cheeks, guiding her hair from her eyes with a gentle sweeping of his fingertips. His voice was a mere whisper but it was the only sound in the room and Jess was glad of it when she heard the words swirl around her mind.
âYou think I donât want you.â
It was a statement. Not a question. Her heart jumped and her stomach flipped and she almost gasped when she realized that her earlier assumption, the idea that he didnât want her, was so important to him that heâd refused to leave it alone until he could put it right.
He gently kissed her and she seemed to clamber up to him, rising to her tip toes and feeding her constant need for him. The fill the void in her soul that was only made for him. She loved him and every time he touched her; she was even more sure of it. Her hands snaked up his chest, settling on either side of his strong and tanned neck and she was holding him to her with enough strength to tell him that she did not have designs on pulling away. Her body was pressed to his, aided by the hand at her waist now travelling around and pressing at her lower back. She tensed slightly at first but was soon arching herself into him as their kiss shifted in intensity and she felt his tongue dance against hers. She raised her arms and draped them over his shoulders and he took it as permission to pull her even closer, with a sharp tug that made her gasp against his lips.
The skin of her shoulder sparkled at his touch when she felt him nudging the strap of her tank top aside and his lips left hers to create a delightful trail from her jaw down her neck and across her collarbone. He still had hold of her strap and the more he pulled it down, the more the ball of anxiety in her stomach grew. She tried to blink it away, to focus on how good it felt to let him lavish her with attention that she could only ever have dreamed about. Sheâd wanted it for so long, the chance to be so close to him, to know the urgency of his touch and see in his eyes that he wanted her. He wanted her.
âYou okayâŠ?â He asked between kisses.
âYeah.â She breathed.
âPut ya legs around my waist.â He rasped at her.
She didnât have time to ask questions. She held her breath when both of his big arms enveloped her waist and she was lifted from the floor, her toes wiggled and the soles of her feet were suddenly cold. With her attached to him, legs gripping his middle and his lips now back on hers, he walked her to the dinerâs countertop, sitting her on the edge and lifting both of his hands to her front. When he grazed over the shape of her breasts, he was careful not to use too much pressure no matter how much he wanted to, it would all happen with time and too much, too soon could spell disaster. Gauging her reaction and taking her pink, moistened lips and breathlessness to be a good thing, he stepped things up. He placed his hands on her thighs but was mindful not to grip where sheâd been grabbed before by the harsh digits of those that she didnât want to touch her. She managed to glance down between them, to find his fingers gliding over her legs, up to her pelvis, his thumbs smoothing along her inner thighs to make her core sing and her nerves spark even through her sweatpants. Reaching her hips again, he dragged her over the counters surface and something tightened inside him when he eased one of her legs aside and positioned himself between them. His own self-doubt began to toy with him. It had been so long since heâd been in any kind of intimate situation that he wasnât sure of his own abilities. But she was still kissing him and smiling against him and she hadnât stopped him yet.
Jess didnât really know what to expect and so far, everything was steaming along in a lusty haze. Half of her wanted to surrender to him and let him do what he wanted, while the other half of her was screaming to her to stop and that she wasnât ready for it. But she was stunned that a man such as Daryl, who looked so rough and unrefined, could be so gentle and thoughtful with every connection to her skin and every kiss. The pull to carry on, to ignore the voice in the back of her mind that was telling her it was all too much was being stifled by him winding a hand into her hair and slowly easing her head back. She felt his lips and tongue on her neck, tasting her and sucking the flesh just enough to add a slither of pain, a delightful thrum of a new sensation.
âYou think I donât want youâ He growled again against her throat. âI doâ
She couldnât help it, her hand delved into his hair as her eyes snapped open and as she stared at the ceiling, totally flabbergasted by his admittance. Sheâd never felt anything like it, never heard anyone tell her such a thing and his enthusiasm was knocking her for six. How could she possibly be provoking this kind of yearning from him? Her head was full of questions, but the urge to act now and think later was presiding. His hands moved again, this time venturing to the bottom of her top as he kissed her hungrily.
âWant me to keep goinâ?â He asked when his lips momentarily left hers. She tried to speak but nothing but a hush of air emerged. She nodded.
He slowly eased his hands inside her top and the warmth and roughness of him felt amazing on her skin but she began to feel self-conscious when he reached parts of her torso that had not always been that way. Once, theyâd felt different and as a result of her evolution, she was left with the marks to prove it. Straight away her limbs were so shaky, it was like they were fading away to nothing. Her muscles tightened under his palms and she tensed up. When he noticed, he didnât need to ask for an explanation and removed his hands, changing tact and kissing her slowly and deeply. To him, she was curvaceous and alluring in ways that he couldn't even began to try and explain. He just wanted to explore her, all of her, all at once. She groaned against him, experiencing a rush of affection for his choosing not to make a big deal out of her reluctance. But then, he slid his hands down her back to her ass, pulling her hips flush with his pelvis. Yes, it had been a long time indeed for Daryl and the urge to press himself against her had proved to be all too strong. In one, swift movement, the hot and hard sensation that she found held between her legs caused her to shut down. She froze. Every muscle in her body going totally still and all he could do was look down at her, battling the onset of sheer panic.
âJess? You alright?â he asked with a shaky voice.
âIâŠI need to stop.â She stammered.
He immediately held his hands up and stepped out from between her legs, showing her in no uncertain terms that he was listening and doing as she asked. He turned to the side and cleared his throat, subtly using one hand to adjust himself in his pants as she slid down from the counter and pulled her straps back up.
âPlease will you leave.â She whispered.
âWhat? What did I do?â He questioned worriedly.
âNothing. Please, just leave.â She pleaded.
When he noticed that she couldnât even look at him, his hands went to his head and he briefly pushed his palms to his eyes, devastated by the notion that he might have taken things too far and scared her. His chest was so tight with despair he felt like he couldnât breathe.
âOh⊠shit.â She heard him whimper before he dropped his arms and gave her the saddest and most desperate look that she never even realized he was capable of. âI thought this was OK. I asked ya. You said it was. I thought you wanted to-â
âDaryl. Please⊠goâ She said, closing her eyes and fighting back tears.
âAlright. Fine. Iâm goinâ.â
The door slamming made her flinch and the absence of him in the room hit her in the gut like a punch. She buckled over and sank to the floor, hugging her knees and pushing her eyes closed, tears managing to work their way out from beneath as sobs wracked her body.
Fear not, dear readers, this story will continue. Iâll post chapter 30 soon. We took a break as weâve been working on this story for the past year. We havenât abandoned it at all. Mistress Mistrust is focusing on her studies but will be back.
-- tagging as requested --
@woundmetender @lilred254 @lonewolf471
