UglyHoroscope

im mean to people sometimes

[uglyhoroscope]

cancer sun, aquarius moon, cancer rising drag me pls

the state of world affairs bring you such misery and panic that you’d be much better off not reading twitter like youre an old man with his sunday paper, but you do anyways. you probably have an enormous feeling of dread when climate change is brought up and you feel solely responsible for it. but worst of all you are constantly second guessing yourself on whether or not youre enough and on particularly bad days you lash out at the ones you love and in all your infinite wisdom you never know how to apologize

[uglyhoroscope]

can u describe me? capricorn sun, libra moon, leo rising

you try your very hardest to make yourself the most interesting and most insufferable person in the room. you like to show off how much you know about a few niche things and pass it off as something everyone should know. you didnt know about it until you saw it in a youtube bootleg nature documentary last week. you REALLY love looking like you’ve got your shit together in front of your peers to make up for the fact that you on occasion say some dumb ass things, but everyone forgets it when you show them your trophy room.

[uglyhoroscope]

gemini sun,scorpio moon and cap rising, drag me 😤

every now and again you hover your mouse over the chat button of a crush you had like, 5 years ago that you met at a convention. you really didnt have anything in common with them and in fact you remember them kind of being an asshole but you cant help the desire in wanting to restart old flames and new dramas in your life. you decide not to message them and make a one line vague tweet about them instead. 

[uglyhoroscope]

Scorpio Sun/Gemini Moon/Scorpio Rising dragging? I need some salt in my life

youre very edgy and you really want the world to know it, probably to the extent where you regurgitate quotes that you read off a hot topic button while paying for your hot topic graphic tee. you probably also like dominating conversations to gear them towards things you want to talk about instead of what others were already knee deep in bc it was either not about you or something you dont understand and that deeply unsettles you but youll never look inwards to figure out why 

[uglyhoroscope]

hi

im back 

[liquidstar]

The sings as people who didn’t understand what the “Sings as” post was a reference to

Aries: “I guess I’m ok with mine.” Taurus: “Wow this makes me feel super confident.”  Gemini: “Half of me thinks this is stupid, the other half feels i may be an in-joke.” Cancer: “Fucking unrealistic I hate this. Unfollowed.” Leo: “Wow I DO like cats!” Virgo: “I don’t act like that, this isn’t worth a reblog.” Libra: “To be fair I did lick that swingset that one time.” Scorpio: “This is total shit, they’re talking about spiders. It’s Scorpio, idiots.”  Sagittarius: “Wow this is like… So me… I feel it on a deep level. Horses, yeah.”  Capricorn: “Haha lol what?” Aquarius: “Everyone knows astrology is fake you asshole.”  Peixes: “They spelled Pisces wrong???”

[uglyhoroscope]

Would you mind dragging an Aries sun/Taurus moon/Virgo rising? Thanks.

being alone is probably your worst fear, so you aggressively ask people out to lunch, out to the movies, anything you can do. but then you get tired so so easy and they you get snappy and cranky and generally just push people away with your incessant behavior. it drives you insane because youre desperately lonely but absolutely refuse to correct your behavior (”My friends should understand me as a person and my needs !” you cry) consider maybe being not doing that my friend   

[uglyhoroscope]

The sound my cat makes as he runs through the house, we have wooden floors and all you can hear is the padding of his feet, he has this weird chirplike meow which he does as he runs as well. That makes me happy.

we have twin gray cats (theyre brothers) who run around the house and chirp at high speeds too !! they are twin high maintenance machines honestly 

[uglyhoroscope]

Drag me- Sag Sun, Aries Rising, Leo Moon

have you ever stopped and wondered if your temperament came from either your father or your mother but ultimately decided that youre perfect the way you are and no one thinks youre the asshole in this situation. “I had a bad childhood” you say while planning a movie you’ll never write in your head. the movie you planned has a hot person in the lead role (”No its not me,” you say, explaining to some girl in your economics class “But I understand why you’d think I  would have similar traits to a hero.”) and the hot person inevitably finds another hot person and they totally bone at the end. you wrote a porn movie but insist its art because you have no actual idea what art is. but you’ve never been wrong before, no one corrects you. you take a lot of pride in your accomplishments though out the duration of your life. what you define as accomplishments might not be the same as that one girl in your economics class. this of course is all completely metaphors but you were already aware of this fact werent you  

[uglyhoroscope]

Leo sun , Leo rising, Leo moon,

i dont fucking believe you

[uglyhoroscope]

drag capricorns in general ;)

lISTEN BUDDY,,,,,,

capricorns are so fucking boring what the fuck do they even do all day??? look at tax reports??? invest in their future???? i mean i guess theyre super calsupercalifragilisticexpialiboring because they spent most of their high school career doing actual like?? fucking school work?? its almost like they care about what theyre going to be when they grow up. get a disenchanted view of the world like the rest of us you asshole. or maybe theyre the fucking hella funny kid who acts super stupid bc hey at least people are paying attention to the Cool Guy and not the sad fucking wreck of a human being you actually are. But listen pal, one day thigs get to be a little too funny and its all games and smiles until someone has a knife in their kidney and you have no idea what just happened so laugh it out clown boy and keep repressing those feelings of guilt.

[uglyhoroscope]

Drag me: Gemini sun (Gemini-Taurus cusp actually), Pisces moon, Virgo rising

okay so like i have a question for you friendo do you like ever get that small nagging feeling in the back of your head that tells you maybe what im saying right now makes no relevant point to the conversation you were having beforehand but oops there it goes spilling out of your gaping maw? of course you dont youre a fucking gemini we all know this but hey listen buddy its okay but we all know eventually youre going to get like, super upset maybe a week later and emotionally explode over your best friend bc like, nobody likes me becky they all think im stupid. no honey your not stupid, becky doesnt think you are either, you just dont know how to throw glitter on that pile of word vomit you put on to your neighbors carpet in a desperate attempt to make it look Not That Bad. i would suggest you invest in a parrot

[uglyhoroscope]

YOOOOO drag me? Virgo sun, Pisces moon, Scorpio rising

you probably seem super-duper perfect to everyone who ever meets you but as soon as they get to know you they know you’re REALLY FUCKING WEIRD like at first theyre like oh look at this super hot organized person but then three weeks later youll be knee-deep in talking about some weird sad shit and then in the middle of it youll get a notif on your phone and just announce to the whole room to hold on because your favorite smutty fanfic just updatedgod forbid someone know you for more than a few weeks because youll take it upon yourself to share with them a milk enema fanfic that you found three years ago in some dirty corner of the net and then everything will change in your friendship and you probably dont even get why you sweet innocent weird little person youbecause do you know who wants milk enema fanfics almost nobody thats who

[uglyhoroscope]

Hey I'm a sag sun cancer moon Aries rising, drag me please :)

do you always butt into conversations or is that just something you just do with me cause honestly thats starting to get really annoyingyour desperate cries for attention are just getting on my nerves why dont you go fix a car or something i dont know just do something that makes you happy instead of wallowing in misery for once in your fucking lifewhat do sagittarius’s even like ?? hay ???? i dont fucking know

[uglyhoroscope]

Can you drag me? Aries sun / Taurus moon / Pisces rising

What a hot mess you are oh godOKAY so you get SO FUCKING EMOTIONAL about every little thing like you could drop your chicken nugget on the floor and you would then lock yourself in the bathroom and your friends are gonna be sliding beers under the door to try to coax you out and if that doesn’t work they might need to shake a whisky bottle threateninglyonce youre done being angry youd probably get really fucked up and then eat the whole damn kitchen and sit and watch bobs burgers and bitterly mock everything that tina says

[uglyhoroscope]

Virgo born Sept 3rd what kinda of woman is she?

She probably really likes other ladies

[uglyhoroscope]

Can you drag cancer sun/aquarius moon/libra ascending

you’re a little shit who refuses to clean your room OR your body because you’re too busy wallowing in all your self made self pity. You probably enjoy engaging arguments with people and then act as if you know everything and there is no way in hell you could ever be wrong (hint: you’re super fucking wrong) You’re also so salty its hard to form any real emotional bonds with anyone bc you’re so busy at getting back at people to notice the people around you