Summary: Standing Tall By C. Vivian Stringer
We live in Iowa and everyone living in Iowa follows the University of Iowa Hawkeyes, whether it’s football or basketball, men or women’s teams. Coach Stringer had coached women’s basketball at the University of Iowa for several years. Her story of success reflects that determination and hard work can help you achieve your goals. All the tragedies in Stringer’s personal life and the way she persevered is inspiring.
C. Vivian Stringer dedicated this book to her husband, Bill, and her children. Her husband was her bridge over troubled water, her rock. Their time together was too short. She was thankful for his love and commitment to their family and sees him in their children every day. You might encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated. Encounter those defeats so you can rise from them and come out of them. Since we live in Iowa, I wanted to read her book since she had coached at the University of Iowa for a few years. It is an empowering read from her
The refs were making calls on her girls. The game wasn’t in anyone hands but their own. In order to prevail they needed to think like champions no matter what the obstacles. You had to fight no matter how many times you were knocked down. No excuses no matter what. Her goal is to give the girls confidence and to dream big whether under the basket or boardroom. Basketball has been a way to teach the girls life lessons. Everyone has the chance to succeed.
Vivian experienced tragedy in her life. Their 14 month old daugher had spinal meningitis. She would never walk or talk again. Did it happen so she could go on and inspire others and give hope for young girls who had given up hope for themselves. When Don Imus made comments about her team, Americans were ready for something better. The team stood up and spoke out. People saw how prejudice hurts. God never gives you a burden you can’t handle. Even though she had days when she wanted to challenge this. Stay true to yourself and what you believe. After we have been tested can we go on to help others. Real success is achieved when you set your own worth. What we learn we must now teach.
Team Together. At the beginning of each season she would have each of her players share something about themselves. And she would have to do the same. In the 2005-2006 season the whole country stood by as men were trapped in a coal mine. She grew up watching her father go down into the coal mines and she knew the fear of hearing the sirens and wondering about her father. Her father played jazz music but he didn’t think he could support his family on this so he took a job in the mines. The coal mining workers all supported each other. It didn’t matter what color your skin or what religion you were. At the end of the day, he had no trophy to show for his work. Nothing but a paycheck.
Basketball is more than a game - it’s life lessons. She pushed her girls hard. Where did she get her drive - the faces of her parents. Her parents believed in hard work. Vivian grew up in Edenborn, Pennsylvania, and is the oldest of six children. Growing up she didn’t know they were poor. She didn’t know about the economic situation until she had left the area. Her father always said the clothes didn’t make the man, the man made the clothes. But they were happy. Sundays they listened to music and people would come to their home and play music along with them or sing if they could. Music was a gift her parents gave all of them. They had family unity and always ate meals together and talked about their lives, their chores and school. Did they have six kids so they could keep a clean house. They all did well in school and were known in their community. Vivian’s brothers and sisters are still her go to as they have always been there for her. She couldn’t have survived without them.
Her parents taught them if they never gave up they could do whatever they wanted to do or be. She envisioned getting a gold medal at the Olympics. But it is not enough with a dream, you have to know the price of the dream. Players will see the victory lap but aren’t willing to do the work to get there. It sometimes takes a loss to see it.
Her father ended up losing both his legs due to an illness. He was fitted with prosthetic legs, adjusted his car so he could still drive and went back to work instead of going on disability, even though he was still in pain. He would tell folks he was still kicking but not too high. Whenever Vivian had a 19 year-old talented girl say she can’t in a sport she loved, it was upsetting. She had no tolerance for I can’t.
C. Stands for Cheerleader. Vivian loved sports, especially basketball. But there were no girls teams at her school so the only basketball played was behind the school. She is thankful she can now coach and offer a scholarship to some girl. She loves the sound of sneakers in the gym. The kids you are coaching need to feel your drive and passion. Her mother kept telling her dad that Vivian needed to stop playing with the boys or she would get hurt. Finally the boys got too big and she had to quit.
What is the “C” in C. Vivian Springer - cheerleader. In 1964, she audition for the cheerleading squad in high school. It hadn’t been a goal of hers but it got her onto the courts. However, she was shocked to find out she didn’t make the squad even though she was able to do more than the other girls. The girls that made it were all white. She hadn’t even told her parents she tried out nor that she hadn’t made it. That evening a NAACP representative stopped by their house and told her father about the cheerleading tryouts. He had shared with her father that Vivian was superior to the other girls and should have made the squad. He wanted them to bring a complaint against the school board to contest the challenge as no other black girls had ever been on the squad. How would it play out with the squad. She was afraid. He told her it wasn’t just about her, but for future generations of young women. She learned you must stand up for something or you will fall. The problem was bigger than just her and she took a stand.
Not making the cheerleading squad was contested and in 1964 she was put on the German High Cheerleading Squad. People from the black community were fed up about a lot of things. She knew it would be difficult and she was initially uncomfortable and ashamed. But she was taking another step closer to coaching. When the team lost she would cry in her room. She wanted to be out there playing. In 2004, when she asked to be an assistant coach for gold medal winning in Athens, Greece, she wasn’t listed as a coach. The omission gnawed at her and she had a responsibility that her name appear. She did stand up before the Olympic Committee to let them know, but never knew if her name got listed or not.
The “C” stands for Charlaine. Many assumed the “C” stood for coach.
Come in through the front door. Education was priority number one at the Stoner house. Her father had been offered a number of football scholarships but had a family instead. He wanted his kids to use their heads instead of their backs. Vivian attended Slippery Rock University in Pennsylvania. She was the first person in her family to go. She met Bill (Willy) Stringer, a senior, right away her freshman year. She wanted to marry him that first time she saw him. She was playing basketball with some of the guys she knew and Bill was on the track team. They had very similar backgrounds and both came from big families. They both loved sports and music. Later that year he went off to student teach but would come back to watch her play field hockey. Find someone who allows you to be who you are.
Vivian had to take summer classes after her freshman year as she spent too much time playing sports and not doing her homework. Everyone else was doing what should be doing - studying - but not her. Don’t compare yourself to the girl next to you. Professor told her no one was going to look after herself unless she did. She decided to speak to the Dean and beg for another chance, which she was given. She told the Dean how her parents were counting on her and she had blown the opportunity. Her father wanted better for them - education was their way out. However, she lost her academic scholarship and didn’t know how was she going to pay for a place to live.
Vivian’s sister, Verna, came to college the next year. Verna helped her and allowed her to sneak into her dorm room after dark where she slept on a cot and had to leave early in the mornings. Verna gave her food and they went straight to sleep nights so they wouldn’t get turned in. This was a shameful experience that she never wanted to back herself into again. She never told her parents what had happened until ten years after coaching. Years later when she was getting her Masters she thanked the Dean for giving her a break. Vivian took jobs at the college washing dishes and sweeping floors, which she would do early in the mornings so no one would see her. She didn’t want to be seen as a janitor but she needed the money. The girls need to feel they can take the front door.
After getting her academics in order she wanted to focus on sports. She played field hockey. She visited with the President about women’s sports and asked why he had not attended any women’s sports. He and some of the staff appeared - she felt so empowered. Never be afraid to ask questions. You can’t assume anything.
She also played basketball under Dr. Griffin and they didn’t lose a game for three years. Women’s basketball was still in its infancy. Others were afraid of the coach but Vivian just socialized with her. Dr. Griffin left for the University of Iowa to get her doctorate and another coach would replace her. Vivian never played as well for the next coach and spent more time on the bench. She was immature and wasn’t working as hard as she should have. But her teammates voted her the most valuable player. But there were a lot of things going on at that time. Dr. King and the Kennedys had stood up for the blacks.
Vivian had got into credit card debt her senior year. She tried to handle it but the company threatened she wouldn’t be able to graduate if the debt wasn’t paid. She went to her parents for help and her father drove up and personally gave her the check. Later on she asked her mother where they had gotten the check from and they had cashed in a life insurance policy to cover it. This had been a bill they had always paid - their proof they had something for their family. She later learned they were never able to get another policy due to her father losing his legs. Her carelessness hurt the people she loved. She always hoped she could make it up to them.
Social life consisted of Bill Stringer and sports. Bill taught at a high school a couple hours away. The Stringers lived on 87 acres surrounded by a woods. The Stringers’ farm was quiet and a place of peace.
It was now Stringer’s senior year at college and she was playing her last game of basketball. She wanted to find a way to stay close to the job she loved playing and teach students who wanted to learn. She had the diploma, strong grades and a distinguished athlete but no job offers. She couldn’t find a job so she and Bill both decided to pursue their Master’s Degrees in hopes of finding jobs. The Dean had told her she was an excellent coach but she should teach at the collegiate level. They pursued jobs after they both received their Master’s Degrees.
In 1971, Stringer was married in Uniontown, Pennsylvania. They had been together for eight years before they married. Her father wanted her to be in control of her own life before she married. Her family respected Bill and he was easily accepted into her family. She told her dad how much she loved him on her wedding day and he had tears in his eyes. Her softball team was headed to the championship the day following their wedding, which she would be missing. The honeymoon was left up to Bill and without her knowing, he took her to the championship softball game so she could play. She was stunned, she felt embarrassed and selfish that he did this, but it meant so much to her and Bill knew it. He made a sacrifice so she could play - that was the kind of thing Bill did that showed he knew her well. He was a good man.
In the fall of 1972, she started teaching at Cheyney State University in Pennsylvania. She had also worked shortly for a boxing factory, which gave her an appreciation for factory workers. She did this so she knew she didn’t want to do this job. She survived the hard work but her mind wanted something different. She applied for coaching positions at Cheyney and to her surprise, no one else wanted the positions. This is how she started coaching basketball. She coached eleven years before receiving any income. She hired assistant coaches, managers, etc. She wanted to coach and give other women like her the opportunity to coach.
At age 22, she was the youngest coach at Cheyney. Since she was so young and just a few years older than the girls, she didn’t want to establish too close of a relationship with the players. She demanded her girls think for themselves - this would build their confidence. The transition from player to coach was interesting but she found satisfaction with coaching from the beginning. They were getting beat early on and getting humiliated. She told the girls they would get back into the gym and not be laughed at again, to work hard so they never had to wonder what could have been. The women’s basketball program had no funds and no money for a trainer. She had to drive the van to the games and get the meals from the cafeteria. The girls would clean the floors themselves before games.
Bill moved to Syracuse to get his Doctorate degree. They lived apart for three years and it was tough for them to be apart. They would practice with the men’s team as it was the same fundamentals. She spent hours working with the men’s coach setting up practices and drills. She slept in her office many nights writing practices. The team improved and she challenged them to want to play in the NCAA. But they would need to play better teams to qualify, even though she ended up with an incredible record at Cheyney with a 251-50 record.
In 1972, her father passed away from a stroke the day after Thanksgiving. She reflected on how much she loved music through her dad. Her father taught her everything lies in the understanding of the fundamentals. It was a time when being at peace was letting him go. He died too young but he saw her get married and doing a job she loved. It was hard for her mother after her dad died and she worked two jobs to support the kids still at home. She never really understood the hardship of her dad’s death until Bill died.
They took it one game at a time. They didn’t have the funds other schools had but they were starting to win. They had no money to hire recruiters and Stringer had to travel to schools on her own. She would tell the mothers she would take care of their daughters like a mother, hold their hands when they needed help and make sure they graduated. She asked the mothers to trust her to guide them through the next four years and that she would be a part of their lives for the next 40 years. She was able to recruit talented players to come play for her. Many of her girls had led tough lives and had troubled backgrounds but she didn’t care about their past. She made so many women become successful. Some of these girls without playing basketball may have ended up in a different direction. Athletics breeds a level of confidence. She gave the girls the tools they needed to be successful.
Coach Stringer focused on the girls’ demeanor - how they handled themselves with the other players and their behaviors. They were basketball families and became a unity for support when winning or losing. She required all her teams to eat together, wear the same shoes, socks or headbands. But kids will always push you. We all win and we all lose but we do them together.
To be closer to her husband, Stringer applied for a coaching position at Syracuse. The women’s athletic administrator who interviewed her thought she was there to apply for housekeeping. She explained her position at Cheyney and how well they had done but they suggested she apply at the high school level. Bill told her they would be sorry some day they didn’t hire her. Bill moved back home.
Their reputation grew and the graduation rate was high for her girls. Stringer was married to Bill for eight years before they had a child. Their first child, David, was born in August of 1979, and then a daughter, Janine (Nina). Bill took charge of the family life so she could devote time to her work. In November of 1981, everything was going well; they had a good family and a winning team. Nina was 14 months old when she became sick. The doctors thought she just had a teething problem but she was misdiagnosed with spinal meningitis. The seizures started immediately and soon her little girl would never talk or walk again. Stringer knew something else was wrong with her daughter but she couldn’t persuade the doctors to do further testing. But a mother knows. The doctors pushed it aside and thought Stringer was just dealing with the news. She wanted another MRI done but not until two days later did they do the MRI and perform emergency surgery to put a shunt in the back of her head. When she asked the doctor what they found when putting the shunt in she was told her brain is done - just done, didn’t they tell you. She will never forget the manner in which they were told. It was hard for anyone to truly understand what they were going through unless they had been through it themselves. She looked to Bill for reassurance.
They spent the next six months at the hospital with Nina. Stringer was losing weight and not eating but was told she needed to be there for her daughter. She had avoided telling the team, but eventually the team demanded to know what was going on. They immediately came to the hospital to see her and they were sad and hurt for her. The team continued to win but not everyone was happy with their success. The college didn’t have the money to even get them to the playoffs. Stringer put up a chunk of her own money and asked for donations. It was their first trip to the NCAA and they were going to be there. She was required to attend the press conference even though her daughter was still in the hospital. It was a blessing when they won the first game.
She searched for reasons why this was happening to her. She read the Bible for support and she prayed her daughter would smile again as God makes miracles happen. She remained healthy during those six months which was a requirement to be able to visit her daughter. Nina became stabilized and her family helped her with Nina. There were times she thought she couldn’t go on but the mind gave her the power to accept the things you can.
Nina was released from the hospital after seven or eight months. It was hard to watch her suffer as she was in a lot of pain and sometimes it would last all night long. She was fed through a tube. They thought she was blind and took her to a special school for the blind. It was rough on the whole family as their attention was focused on Nina. David finally asked them if Nina would ever walk and talk again like she used to and Bill told him she would not. Nina slept 15-20 hours a day and she looked so normal and peaceful when she slept.
The year after they made it to the final four, football Coaches Eddie Robinson and Joe Peterno at Penn State had asked to meet with Stringer. They were impressed with her coaching and she shared her pleasure of coaching at Cheyney. The smaller schools were getting squeezed out and she wanted to help those less fortunate. But the coaches were telling her she was a winner and she needed to move on. She had done all she could do at Cheyney. She was humbled by all the support she had been given at Cheyney.
The next year she started talking to Iowa. Two of the most important people to her had gotten further education from Iowa. Things were meant to happen for her. But she didn’t hardly know where Iowa even was or was it more fear of moving out of her comfort zone. Stringer’s first trip to Iowa was met by several doctors who specialized in children with special needs. It was clear this was a place that would embrace their family.
An elite game at Penn State was her last game at Cheyney. That final game the refs missed a planned foul against Penn State and they lost the game. Stringer ran after the officials following the game requesting they explain their missed call. Finally, she quit talking and it was over. Years later in the summer of 2007, those Cheyney players went on a cruise together to the Bahamas. On that trip she asked if they had been prepared for what happened that game with 7.5 seconds left and the ball in their possession. They just didn’t know they wouldn’t call the foul. They were hurt by the call and then they would have another heartbreak when she would tell them she was leaving for Iowa. Stringer took a sabbatical leave from Cheyney to check out Iowa. Leaving was the best thing for them and the needs of Nina. Any chance of recovery for Nina would happen in Iowa.
Iowa was a warm state. Iowans valued a hard day’s work and they loved their Hawkeyes. Iowans were nicer than she thought possible and they cared. The University of Iowa had a fantastic sports facility. If the school had two-thirds of women in sports, two-thirds of the funding would go to the women’s sports. But she had a lot of work to do at Iowa.
The doctors at Iowa were fantastic to work with and they all communicated on Nina’s care. People would make fun of the midwest for being behind but Iowa was very sophisticated. Nina doesn’t talk so blood tests are the first thing they do to determine why she is in pain.
The move was a strain for her at first as she loved bright lights and excitement. It was somewhat of a culture shock at Iowa. She would adjust and focused on staying close to a mall whenever they played out of town. Blacks were a majority in Iowa. One of the hardest things was finding the right church. Iowans loved sports but she was disappointed people would talk basketball at church as she didn’t want to discuss it at church. Stringer’s mother moved to Iowa to help them care for Nina. They were also thankful for all the Iowans who helped coordinate constant care in helping with Nina.
Stringer became pregnant shortly after they arrived in Iowa. She never would have left Cheyney had she known. She was concerned how the University and the community would react but she was flooded with letters and gifts from well wishers. Bill wanted a nanny but she was afraid it would interfere with their personal life. She wasn’t used to hiring help. Now she wished she would have listened to Bill as they would have had more quality time with David and Justin. Getting help doesn’t mean you are abandoning your child.
Stringer’s contract at Iowa allowed her only so many days off to visit family. At one point she thought about leaving Iowa until her family decided to move to Iowa. They saw each other most days and spent Sundays eating dinner together. They enjoyed their house in Iowa. Bill had a workshop in the basement and he made a lot of special things to assist with Nina’s care. Bill became an advocate for better restroom facilities for those with disabilities. They were one big happy family. And Bill was always there to take care of her no matter what.
When Stringer started coaching at Iowa there was no support for the women’s team. They were the Lady Hawkeyes but she didn’t care about the Lady part - basketball was basketball. There were no spectators to support the team and she was used to standing room only at Cheyney. She knew this would change once she changed the program. The girls had the drive and they wanted it; they were tired of losing and said they would do whatever it took and they wanted to know what it felt like to win. She was only looking for effort and building a strong defense required a lot of work. She spent long nights looking at tapes and working on plays. The first year they didn’t make the NCAA playoffs but were invited to the NIT tournament. Stringer told her players they weren’t going as they weren’t going to accept less. The team agreed they were better than that.
Attendance was picking up and the men and women’s teams focused on the two programs as a joint effort. Stringer participated in I-Club fund raisers and she was excited to spread the word. She was asked to speak about awareness of the program and the wives would speak up and say let’s support the women’s athletics.
They recruited like crazy and started getting some good girls. Bill thought they should start bringing the recruits into their home to give the players a chance to see Stringer in a different light. And it worked. They were getting really good players. She worked with the recruits’ fathers to assure them their daughters would do well at Iowa. She didn’t want the girls to feel railroaded into coming to Iowa and encouraged them to check out the other schools to be sure where they wanted to go. And she would have to release players at times - it was a hard thing to do.
There was no guarantee for a starting position at Iowa. You had to earn your position and play to the best of your ability. Honor the game and those who work alongside you. And Stringer had to learn trust from her players. She taught her players to believe in themselves. You must have faith things will happen and they will. Stringer eventually led Iowa to the number one team in America and they led the school in attendance. In 1997, she was to have the best team out there - a faster and stronger team. And everyone on the team had an important role. It wasn’t about the basketball but giving everything you could.
Stringer was getting a lot of recognition but she wasn’t really comfortable with all the attention. She felt it would change how she could act in public. In Iowa, she felt like she was on display. She felt she couldn’t leave the house without being properly dressed. George Raveling was the Iowa men’s coach at the time and he knew what she was going through. It was the blending of the personal and public she struggled with. She wanted basketball left out for her children.
When their son, David, was in third or fourth grade there was an incident he was exposed to when they had taken him to a basketball camp in Philadelphia. David was worried when he saw some black men with longer hair that they might hurt him - he was frightened of people his own race. He hadn’t been exposed to the American city living in Iowa and no experience with black people, other than University people. But their boys were good athletes in Iowa and they were exposed to all kinds of sports. Stringer was aware of the pressure parents were putting on their children. Children need time to be children.
In 1992, the Stringer family went on a 25-day trip out west. The boys were twelve and eight at the time. It was the greatest trip Bill could give her. There were no cell phones back then so she couldn’t work on anything other than view tapes. Bill did all the driving and had planned everything out, including the care of Nina. Her food had to be pureed and it sometimes took two hours to feed her. Stringer and the boys walked through Carlsbad Caverns but Stringer was claustrophobic and couldn’t make it through the entire tour. Bill knew her better than herself - had she stayed in the back of the crowd she would have been fine.
After the trip they settled back into the hectic season. It was the day before Thanksgiving and the first snowfall of the year. Bill had called her to come sit with him for a minute to watch the snow. Bill was the picture of health but she had noticed he seemed to be sweating more easily. He would complain of an upset stomach and was taking an occasional Tums. Bill walked back into the kitchen and she heard a crash as he hit the floor. She immediately gave him CPR and struggled to continue while calling EMS. She had to call family to care for Nina while she went to the hospital with Bill. The ER doctor came out and said he was so sorry - Bill died at age 47 from a massive heart attack. She never thought he wasn’t going to make it. He died almost 20 years after her father.
Stringer took Bill back to his hometown in Pennsylvania for burial. Iowans grieved as well as they had met so many wonderful people. Every person Bill touched came forward or sent letters writing kind words. She felt terrified and insecure. She was feeling she didn’t know anything at all on how to fix things or pay the bills. She thought he would always be there for her. He was always telling her to take care of herself so she would be around to help him with the kids. A joke they laughed about, but one of them wasn’t supposed to be left behind. They had been a team no matter how hard things got - and they were tested with caring for Nina. Stringer’s mother lived with them for 12 years. She couldn’t have survived without her family there to help. Stringer asked her sister and her family to move in with her.
Losing Bill was overwhelming. Stringer could barely function and just getting dressed was becoming a challenge. She had speaking engagements - how was she going to get through these. She was feeling lost at a time when she couldn’t be. She was to speak in Cedar Rapids, Iowa and got lost on the way. She thought about not showing but realized these people had adjusted their schedules to attend. She showed up a half hour late, apologized, cried in front of the group and simply told them she had gotten lost and wasn’t much good at anything but basketball. We’re all human and all of us are trying to live our lives - often in the face of challenges. You don’t always get what you deserve.
The longer Stringer was away from basketball the harder it became to not want to just walk away from it. She had taken a month off while her assistant filled in and the team went on. She would watch the games on TV and the girls always mentioned her and said they missed her and wanted her to come back soon. They were a team. She wasn’t ready and unsure if she would ever be. Then she received a call that her assistant had become ill and they needed her to come back to coach. Her boys came in and told her she needed to get back to coaching - that dad would want her to. They told her what else could she do. That conversation with the boys made her try.
The early practices were hard. The team was trying so hard to do everything right. She was present but not really there. Finally something triggered during a practice and she addressed one of the players like her old self. Only thing you can do when times are tough is pull together and work hard. The power of human spirit. The team was doing it for her and Bill. The Iowa fans would not be denied and she felt Bill’s presence and they won. They were headed to the final four - the first time a Division I coach had taken two teams to the final four, even though they lost.
The boys were busy with activities and that helped some. But after Bill’s death she was more reluctant to be away from the kids. She wanted the kids to feel safe and okay. She tried to explain they were all she had and everyone said they understood, but not for long. David went onto establish himself as a good high school football player. The boys always felt that everything was under control. Bill had always picked up Nina everyday and taken care of her medical needs. Nina would hear her dad’s voice and smile. If Stringer wasn’t able to see Nina, she would have them put the phone up to Nina so she could hear her voice. The sound of her sneezing always got a laugh from Nina. Nina had scoliosis of the spine - she needed surgery to put rods in her back. The doctors told her she only had a few weeks for the surgery before they would no longer be held responsible. And after Nina’s surgery she would need to be fitted for a new wheelchair, which took five to six fittings to get the right one. Stringer had rescheduled some of the fitting appointments and the doctor told Stringer she didn’t value her time. But eventually they became good friends and the doctor took charge of getting Nina the right wheelchair herself.
It was time for recruiting and Stringer felt she was failing as a coach and as a mother. She visited with other coaches who could see she was struggling. They gave her some simple advice and told her she was not always going to be the best in either of these.
Before Bill died Stringer couldn’t have been happier. She had turned the Hawkeyes into one of the best teams ever. Now she was struggling with everything they had shared. Everyone knew who she was and everyone would tell them how sorry they were. The most enjoyable activity became difficult. Bill was gone and she could barely keep her head up. She was questioning her coaching now. The coaching had taken a lot of time away from her family, it had always been very consuming. It’s more than just a game.
The first summer was over and basketball was starting up again. That year they had the best class of athletes - good skills and good grades. She had spent her whole career waiting for such a team. Basketball was becoming not so important as it always had been to her. She thought about life somewhere else. Nina’s situation would never change and how could the family achieve a reasonable way of life. She was worried the security of Iowa would shield them from life in other cities. Bill didn’t want his kids raised in a city. In order for her sons to grow she felt she needed to leave. Her sister and their kids would stay in Iowa. They needed to get their lives started again and take a step into the unknown.
Stringer made the decision to leave Iowa. She had brought Iowa to the top and built and refined their program. A coaching position was offered to her at Rutgers in New Jersey. Rutgers was situated in the east and she knew it would be easier to get girls to come here than to Iowa. The east was a place for professional sports and it felt right to come back east. The move didn’t make it easy either and she even thought about changing her mind. The most important thing was to follow her heart and make a decision she must live with. Fear was the reason she was having second thoughts. Why move her family when life was so good for her in Iowa. Nina needed the back surgery and Rutgers allowed her to come after the surgery. They wanted her to do the right thing for her family.
Stringer wanted to make Rutgers live up to its potential. Must a team be successful before the fans come out. Some took a wait and see approach. Personally and professionally it was hard. The games were covered by ESPN and plenty of press. It was publicized she would be making more than the men’s football and basketball coaches. Stringer’s niece agreed to come to New Jersey to help her with the kids. In Iowa the boys could just ride their bikes home from school. The move was hard on the boys - little things like getting home. But she did find the perfect church for them to attend.
None of the Iowa class came to Rutgers with Stringer. Rutgers had a losing season the first couple of years. She was busy recruiting. Recruiting is traditionally a long process which can take months or years. She wanted to bring Rutgers into national championships. Early days at Rutgers they knew hard work would get them where they needed to be. Defense wins championships.
Life had been moving so fast at Rutgers, Stringer hadn’t done anything about her health. She had a physical and a second mammogram showed she had breast cancer. She was angry, she came to Jersey to start over. She flew to Iowa City to see doctors there. She hadn’t told anyone about her cancer but her sister found out she was flying to Iowa. She didn’t want to tell anyone as she was so thankful for all the help her family had given her already. Iowa City physicians wanted to schedule her for a mastectomy but she got a second opinion and that physician suggested she only needed a lumpectomy and follow-up with radiation treatment to be safe. She didn’t tell anyone she was sick even though she was exhausted all the time. She was told it would be years before she would catch up. The press became upset when she wouldn’t give a statement and said she was arrogant and stuck up. She didn’t want to tell them her situation - she considered it to be a private issue even though she was in the public eye. She didn’t even tell the boys as she didn’t want to upset them. The treatment took its toll physically and mentally. She was gaining weight but she would focus on when she could lose it. She recalled Nina needing the extra weight to survive - so you never know. Sometimes we are tested so we can go on to help others. Stringer has now been healthy for over ten years.
Life finally got somewhat normal again. She started going again with the boys to the Nike tournament. And someone asked had she given any thought to dating again - even though no one could replace Bill. Bill would not want her to live her life alone. But she wondered how her boys would react to someone else in their lives. The boys were shocked and then angry - how could she even think about this. She told the boys she didn’t have anyone in mind, but the love from someone else is different. They would grow up and have their own families. A few days later David spoke up and apologized and said they were just shocked and she was right, she shouldn’t spend the rest of her life alone. She was relieved she had their blessings. But a coach’s schedule makes it hard to have a relationship. She was always gone recruiting when she wasn’t coaching so who could deal with this. She also had an issue being a successful woman in a relationship. And Nina to consider - who could be that compassionate with Nina. She was open to dating but it hadn’t happened.
David went to North Carolina State to play football. She sat in on his interviews. It was tough being on the other side of the interview. You want to see your child happy and to play. You can’t get them playing time - that decision isn’t up to the parents. A parent wants what’s right for their child and the coach wants what’s best for the team.
Stringer was sympathetic to the position of David’s coach. How do you help a parent to see that. She had experienced issues with parents. Stringer would discuss anything academically with parents but not about playing time. One player’s father was a top fortune 500 executive who would yell and give comments to the girls during games. She instructed the staff to seat him away from the girls so they couldn’t hear him. He would yell they should fire Stringer. The the father had stayed at the same hotel they were staying and he was there to congratulate his daughter after the game - she walked right past her dad and told him she wasn’t going to stand for his behavior. A mother had confronted her about pulling her daughter from the game. She let the mother know her daughter was doing well, just give her a cheer. She heard nothing else from that mother. Parents love their daughters but they can certainly put them under a lot of stress
As a parent, it’s hard to be objective. You must let things happen. She had a girl who didn’t have enough credits to graduate and was hoping to be drafted by the WMBA. Stringer tried to convince her she needed to get her degree so she would have that to fall back on. She would need to take summer classes to graduate. The girl wasn’t listening so Stringer thought she could discuss it with her grandmother. To her surprise, the grandmother refused to listen and said her granddaughter needed some time off. She was shocked her grandmother was going to let her walk away from her education instead of taking a few summer classes. Everyone had urged Stringer to let it go. She felt it was so important for her to finish her degree when she was so close. She drafted a document for them to sign acknowledging she wouldn’t be graduating and they both signed it. The girl did get drafted but she never finished her credits. The WMBA didn’t work out and she had no degree to fall back on.
One girl cried she couldn’t live without her mother and she wanted to go home. Stringer visited with her mother - you can’t let her come home or how will she commit herself to moving on. She needs to grow up - and nothing bad is going to happen to her daughter. The girl decided she would return to her hometown and get a job to help pay for school. Stringer told them she already had a job and free college and all she had to do was come to practice. Stringer got a call later on that she missed basketball and the dorm life and wanted to come back. Stringer told her she could come back with an agreement she had to do well in school - but those conditions scared her off. A sad story.
Stringer had been designing a new house similar to their home in Iowa. Unfortunately, David’s football playing came to an end. David and some other football players were innocently involved in an altercation involving a guy shooting someone. David was arrested, gave his statement and was eventually charged with a misdemeanor breaking and entering. Pictures of David sitting in the back of the police car were released but no other athletes were mentioned except for David. People make assumptions about athletes. Stringer felt she had sheltered David at Iowa. How could she blame him for trying to help someone. David was a good athlete - but his coach said he needed to be more aggressive. David was suspended from the football team, along with his scholarship. He moved back to New Jersey and attended Rutgers and made it on the football team. A Cheyney player appeared at Stringer’s game just to tell her she was sorry about David and she was there for her since she had helped her go the right direction. David has always been a model son. He had dreams of playing at a higher level but they will never know if this could have happened. Had she made the wrong decision leaving Iowa. Life does get intercepted no matter what you do.
In 1998, Rutgers made it to the Sweet Sixteen. In 2000, they went to the final four. She had now taken three different teams to that level. She didn’t know of another coach that worked as hard as she did and she was confident in her coaching. When a parent sends a child to play for her they are trusting her to take care of their daughter. She had a group of freshman girls that were confident, talented and bright. And with that came a few extra team meetings. But they all had a willingness to work hard. She had been coaching for 30 years and where was her national championship. It’s about the process, not the destination. Returning with the same girls doesn’t mean it will be easy as the other teams will have different girls and talents the next year. She wanted her girls to carry themselves well whether they won or lost.
In 2000, after the Final Four, she experienced another setback. Justin was a junior in high school and David was still playing football at Rutgers. Justin was involved in an accident when headed to David’s game with a friend and his girlfriend. Someone had run a stop light and caused their vehicle to roll and land on its top. Justin was still trapped in the backseat when Stringer arrived with blood running down his face and moaning in pain. The other two were fine but Justin was seriously hurt and in a coma. David didn’t even know they weren’t at the game. Justin had suffered brain damage and the doctors reported he may never be the same as before the accident. These were the same words she was told with Nina. Her whole family flew in within six hours and they stayed for days and eventually he came out of the coma. He was not the same Justin and physically he was like another person. Justin wasn’t able to do things like he had before and he became quite irritable. The boy in that bed didn’t feel like her son.
Stringer was told to do whatever she could to challenge his brain. She contacted Charles Barkley to see if he could visit with Justin to see if that might lift his spirits. Barkley called and visited with Justin but he didn’t react. Stringer decided to make adjustments to the house plans so they could bring Justin home. Stringer took Nina to the hospital for her birthday so she could share it with Justin. Justin sat up in bed and said in a normal tone - happy birthday, Nina. He was sitting up talking like he used to. The doctors told her it was a miracle. They were so surprised. Justin didn’t remember anything about the accident and said he felt he was in the world but not in it and couldn’t respond. Justin had seen the “BTU” (brain trauma unit) on the door but never realized what it stood for. The extent of the brain damage became clear later - he would ask childish questions. He needed rehab but where would he go. She thought having him close to his family would be the most beneficial. Justin began to do better and was able to go home. He wanted to forget the accident had happened and was back in school in January. The guy who caused the accident had no license and the lawyers told them they could sue and Justin would be set for life. But Justin said he was fine and didn’t want to pursue it.
After the accident Justin waited to take his ACT’s. He had six months of rehab. The day he graduated was a very happy day - he cried and said he felt like a parent. The boys remained close. David is more conservative and Justin is more social. They did it with Bill watching over them.
In 2000, Rutgers was ranked number one going into the season. She was asked to do a documentary on the season and how hard the girls worked. The title was This is a Game Ladies. It was more than a game, ladies. It was odd and uncomfortable for her but the girls did okay. She was looking for them to be America’s team and she wanted them to be serious. She didn’t think they should be goofing around when warming up, as they normally did, since they were being filmed. But changing this was a mistake. It was a time for the girls to be together without pressure. Stringer had one complaint about the documentary in that they emphasized more on the negatives. Lessons learned through basketball are most important. It’s more than a game.
Stringer’s players know she loved them like a mom. Most of the girls have made contact with her after college and thanked her. Her job was to develop the whole person, not just the athlete. She wanted the girls to appreciate the opportunity they had to participate in sports but not let it define them. Stringer treated her girls like a real person. She was a monster when it came to basketball but she always had time for a chat when they knocked on her door.
It was obvious they were not prepared for the road ahead in the 2006-2007 season. Her team was a disaster. This team was the most out of condition team she had ever seen and they were looking at a tough schedule. Three starters on the team were hurt. Talent will get you through at the high school level but at the college level everyone is really talented. It took dedication, training, skill and intensity to make it at this level - 110 percent or you wouldn’t be part of the team.
Stringer always gave her new team a test. No player could attend the first day of practice unless they passed. No one made it and she had to adjust her test - something she never did. The team continued to straggle and had been invited to the Virgin Islands to play over Thanksgiving. She told them they could stay here in coats and hats or spend time in bikinis. They had five days to improve if they wanted to go.
The fans were showing the team no support. Stringer told the team if they didn’t want to work to improve she was taking away some of their benefits. She needed to somehow get them motivated so they would change their attitudes. If they didn’t play like a team they couldn’t shower with the team - they could shower in their dorms. They would have no laundry service - they would have to take care of their own laundry. Teammates make sacrifices for each other.
Nina’s condition had been stable until that 2006-2007 season when she developed a number of problems. A few of the games Stringer didn’t think she would make. Former players showed up at a practice and spoke to the girls about what it meant to be a meaningful part of a team. It was New Year’s Eve and those former players each took a couple of girls aside to talk to them. They had given up a special evening to come and help her girls see what they could achieve if only they would listen. Later in the season, her freshman came through and did well when they were called on. They were capable of making a difference. Eventually, the girls had lost enough and they began to win. She didn’t have to tell them anymore.
Stringer always told her Rutgers teams there are three seasons in basketball - the regular season, the Big East tournament and the NCAA. In 2007, they won the Big East tournament. The NCAA wants the best teams to play and they had to play all the teams they had struggled with during the season. They made it to the elite eight after beating Duke. When they were challenged at the highest level they could accomplish the impossible. God was guiding her and there was a plan for them. During the Final Four she took away their cell phones to avoid getting overwhelmed from the press. She had over 40 former women players at this final game to support her and her team. Her freshman girls would come in being shell-shocked and wonder if they would even make it. Then they come back after college to share their experience with the next freshman group.
It started out as the worst team Stringer had ever coached and she was now at the final championship. Two teams in the nation and they were there. Nine months ago some of these girls were playing in high school games. They played Tennessee who won the championship. The magnitude of the game finally hit the girls. They set five NCAA records in that tournament. She told the girls don’t hesitate - this is your time, this is it. At the end of the day let’s all be at peace with no regrets knowing you did all you could. She wondered if there was something she could have done to prepare them at that time.
After leaving the floor Stringer addressed the team, which was one of the most difficult things to do as a coach. What do you say that can heal their pain. But none of them were seniors and they would have another chance. She was proud of them and had been inspired by them. She told them something she had never told anyone before, but when her husband died she had made up her mind to quit coaching basketball if her Iowa team won the championship. But they didn’t win and she didn’t quit. She had unfinished business and she was glad she didn’t quit or she wouldn’t have had the the opportunity to coach them. At one point the team had been written off and they had persevered. She was just a coal miner’s daughter who led a championship team to the final game. The Lord had a plan for her.
The loss to Tennessee hurt. But then the morning of April 4, 2007, Don Imus made his comments about her team. The girls asked why - why would someone say something about them. Stringer was disgusted with Imus - why go after student athletes and demoralize them, why attack this group after such a great season. Stringer was to start recruiting but her mind was on those sexist, racists statements. He called her girls nappy-headed hos. They needed to respond and the University and the NCAA made a statement. The team was being celebrated at the University and they were headed home for Easter. Stringer made sure she talked to the girls before they left and told them she would address these comments. She wasn’t going to let someone hurt them, but she felt powerless. She wanted to attack with her guns ablazing and demand an apology. But she knew she had to minimize the controversy. Lies always make the front page.
Stringer asked what would they risk for defending themselves. She felt guilty not responding. The real hurt of working with young people had been hurt in those 45 seconds in Imus’ words. Her teams always dressed well and she even had her beautician travel with them. If you look your best, you look like a team and you feel like a team. She wouldn’t allow them to wear jeans and they were required to dress the same. The way you represent yourself sends a distinct message and they played with discipline and talent. Over the years arguing with the girls about what they wore - did it really matter. For her, yes, it did matter. Now she felt like she had let these girls down but she couldn’t protect this team from what was happening.
The girls hadn’t even had time to celebrate the championship. The media was looking to Stringer for a response as it was now on the news and in every paper. The players knew she would stand up for them. No one sends their child off to be abused. Imus’ comments were abuse. They had to stand tall and realize what they had accomplished. We define who we are. Stringer told the team she would visit with them before she made any public statement. They didn’t want to call for Imus’ job or anything else - that was God’s decision. The world would come to see these girls as people. Reporters camped out at the college and waited to catch the girls. They were swamped with calls and afraid to go outside. They were in finals and didn’t have time for the media. They appeared as a team to set the media straight. Stringer was warned not to snap and she knew she wouldn’t. It was covered by many stations including ESPN, which made her feel more comfortable. The girls took questions and didn’t hide - they spoke from their hearts. Their composure was incredible. Stringer had been through alot in her life and this made her stronger. She told the girls to focus on the things they could control. The team even appeared via satellite on the Oprah Winfrey show.
On November 16, 2007, the next season started. Stringer told her girls to stand tall. Male and female athletes spoke out to them and they were flooded with good wishes and support, from both blacks and whites. That outpouring of love and support shows that as a nation we will not tolerate this and we will stand up for what is right. These young girls made an impact and stood up for what was right. Those girls were lifted and carried.
They were to meet with Don Imus at the Governor’s mansion to accept his apology. She had invited the families as well. The press was there but security prevented them from entering. Tragically, the Governor was injured in an accident and wasn’t able to attend. It was a genuine and emotional dialogue and everyone that wanted to speak was given an opportunity. Most had a story of racism that had hurt them. Many tears were shed during that meeting. Imus’ wife was there and she was remorseful and hugged all off them. They helped one another to heal.
A month after things settled down they were asked to be acknowledged during a game at Yankee Stadium. The Stadium was in the middle of New York and it was amazing being there. There they were walking through the tunnel that so many greats had walked through to make history. The crowd made it clear what they meant to them. They were showing clips of their Final Four game. The girls were champions in a bigger arena too. It took strength to stand up and they inspired the country.
Stringer has a strong appreciation for all she’s been given. She feels a level of peace in regards to her family. Her sons are happy and healthy. She is thankful to her family for always being at her side. Stringer hopes someday she has time to stop long enough to get caught up on all the feelings she has. There are so many books to read and so many things to study and understand. The time has not yet come for her to bow out. She feels a national championship is out there for her and she has a lot more to pass on. Her mission is to prepare the girls for the world. She represents to each girl she will not tolerate anything that represents negativity. This burden is not too high when you carry it with you.
Stringer has far fewer years ahead of her than behind her. It is increasingly more important that the young women she coaches feel empowered to go out and make a difference in the world. We are all leaders and we all have the power to go out and inspire the people around us. This may not be about you but for those who will come after you. You must stand tall and make a difference. Those young ladies stood up for themselves and what was right. And when they did people all over the country stood with them and for them. Together we stand.
If you enjoyed this book review, you’ll dig these as well:
Saving Grace (Elizabeth Edwards’ story)
Does The Noise In My Head Bother You (Steven Tyler Memoir)
Tom Brokaw’s A Lucky Life Interrupted (Inspiring story)
