little to big bear.

[umbransatyr]

Happy pride...

[umbransatyr]

This pride I am celebrating sobriety, slightly. Sobriety of mind absolutely. Sobriety of self analysis definitely. Being hot and joyous absolutely.

Gods are blessing the things we sow so we can reap the harvest, Amen!

[umbransatyr]

But gods deity and all. Just allow me and friends to be there at graduation. And to have a bountiful future. I'm not looking for love at this point. I'm just looking for sensible things.

[umbransatyr]

しかし、究極の真実を知りたいなら？

私がアパートで彼に最後に言った言葉はこうだった。

この人生においては、誠実さ、高潔さ、そして勇気をもって行動しなければならない。

HIVという略語から、ポジティブな考え方を生み出す。

いずれ彼が旅に出て去っていくことは分かっていた。そして、彼のように元気な人なら、そうしてほしいと思っていた。何が起ころうとも、彼には何か前向きな思い出が残るはずだ。冗談抜きで。でも、そういう意味もあるよね。

[umbransatyr]

I hate to say that, but having experience with the fake death, false profiles catfish etc. I have little faith in genuine love. Not from a standard of anybody. Rather through experience and others own projections deeply that materially affected my means. Which was studying and devoting my energy to being as open to my partner.

Honest assessment? Is it body dsymorphia to desire better endowment.... Truth be told I wondered if the narrative of a dead ex whom I wished to be with, is that of a thing of creating stasis for fear of actualizing a physical change that might tip the scales.

But from a logical standpoint, he's no longer alive. If that is to be believed. So. What difference would that actually affect them or etc. ultimately, same as trans people. My own body is my own business and choice. Whether people get access is up to me. Not anyone else.

[umbransatyr]

Today I was thinking of dad. Thinking of my ex partner. Through the streets, I was told he'd passed. Deceased. And from that stemmed a ache. Mental and a dissonance.

Shouldn't I feel worse than this? Or is this how sober grief is supposed to be?

The truth is, a childish ideal that they would be in college with me. We'd face all these things, through and through sober. Honestly, yes I do feel lost. I still push on of course but... Perhaps it's better ? Of course I'm still having triggers and to my peers sincerely I do apologize. Therapist, doubly so.

今日は父のことを考えていた。元パートナーのことも。街中で、彼が亡くなったと知らされた。亡くなったんだ。その知らせから、胸が締め付けられるような痛みが湧き上がってきた。精神的な痛みと、心の不協和音が。もっとひどく落ち込むべきではないだろうか？それとも、これが冷静な悲しみというものなのだろうか？ 本当のところ、彼らが私と一緒に大学に通うというのは子供じみた理想だった。私たちはこれらのことをすべて、完全にシラフで乗り越えるだろう。正直に言うと、私は途方に暮れている。もちろん私はまだ前に進んでいるが…おそらくそれは

An honest assessment of self awareness.

#queerthoughts

#lgbt

#grief

[ascyn]

Our Colors

GENGOROH TAGAME

[umbransatyr]

Ha! It is real though 腐女子はオタクがゲイに執着するのと似たようなもので、役割が逆なだけなのか、ちょっと気になります。ふむ。

[umbransatyr]

Hey there. Long story short on a re brand journey. Cut people off and sorting sifting through the wrecks of my life. I want to be normal happy and queer. And I'm ok with taking my time with that. Real recovery is important. Change can only happen when you look at the wreck-able and wreckage of your life and start small to make the change of what happened. And MJ was correct it starts with yourself. So I'm being the man on the mirror and taking time to talking care.

Happy belated birthday Dad and rest in peace Jorge Carrillo.

#prayerstopan #healon #dreamon #roadtomyownrecovery.