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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
art blog(derogatory)
Three Goblin Art

Kiana Khansmith
DEAR READER
wallacepolsom

Kaledo Art
RMH
almost home
occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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Monterey Bay Aquarium
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

ellievsbear
YOU ARE THE REASON

Product Placement
Peter Solarz

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seen from Malaysia

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@un8common
ig:@subwayhands
florent tanet
cherry
it’s 2008 and katy perry’s i kissed a girl is blaring through the speakers on my uncle’s boat. i thought it’d be weird to kiss a girl, but i also feel a weird pang of guilt listening to it and i don’t know why that is but i don’t really care or pay attention to it because i’m staring at my cousin’s friend, stella. she’s 17 and her mom let her get a bikini wax. not only that, but she just got a fake tan and to track the progress, she put a little heart sticker right below her bikini bottom waistline. she had to fold it over to show us and i fucking gulped. there it was. a small, pale heart the size of a peanut m&m. yum.
it feels like everyone knows that i’m staring at the place where the heart was even after she put her suit back on all the way. and i keep staring at her as she walks to grab her life-jacket from the rear of the boat. i feel relief and agony when she hoists the thick vest over her shoulders and straps herself in because i.just.couldn’t.stop.looking.at.her.tits.either. i sink my chin into the life-jacket that’s hugging my tankini into place and i anxiously suck on the meshy-wet material that lines it. when you feel like you’ve done something wrong, it feels like everyone can see your thoughts. i kinda want the song to stop because i wish the meshy-wet material was stella’s cherry chapstick tasting lips and this song makes it much more discernible that that’s what i’m wishing for.
quick. talk about a boy.
i lean over to my cousin, amanda and ask her if she’s kissed a boy yet because i had. it did not taste like cherry chapstick, but it happened. my boyfriend at the time went to church every sunday and i didn’t believe in makeup on principle. she shrugs and is much more interested in her sandwich and i’m actually happy to be ignored because i don’t really want to talk about kissing boys either. i actually wanted to talk to katy perry about how she got a girl to kiss her back. she said it felt so wrong, it felt so right and that’s how i felt too.
don’t mean i’m in love tonight.
but what if i am? what if i feel this longing for pale hearts and tits and cherry chapstick forever? what if i can’t get rid of it?
the next time we hung out, i made my christian boyfriend eat a piece of cherry candy and then kissed him just to see.
thank god, i felt nothing. i wouldn’t feel that longing forever after all.
Barbara Kruger, Seeing Through You, 2004
floss
almost every year, my new year’s resolution list has had something to do with yoga on it. i obviously never actually get to this, but i wish i was the type of person who would. i wish i found it calming and empowering to make my body into a shape it’s not supposed to be and sweat while doing it. i wish i loved it enough to self-medicate with it like everyone else says they do. what a wholesome drug yoga is.
so by the time 2016 was coming to an end, i thought maybe i should think of things more practical for my list, something that was very hard for me to do, but was also good for me.
with a chip on my shoulder, i went to the dentist and i told the hygienist, julia that my new year’s resolution was to floss.
fuck yeah. she’s gonna be so proud. might even give me a sticker like the good ole’ days.
but guess what? she was not proud, she was smug. she laughed and said that i was young and i should have better new year’s resolutions.
i’m not kidding, she actually said that. my dental hygienist said that. she basically told me not to floss.
well, alright.
at first i was disappointed and confused, but then i realized that someone of dental authority giving me permission to do something lazy and naughty felt like a rush of ecstasy. fuck that ohm high bullshit, i instantly felt at ease with her stranger hands inside of my mouth. the drug of dental intimacy relaxed my entire body and i felt complacent to the metal hook that was literally digging for blood.
i suddenly trusted her so much more with my teeth because i knew i didn’t have to lie to her. she loved me through my flaws and plaque. flossing would never be as good for me as it would be to gain a new friend and that was clear.
in 6 months when i would go back for another cleaning, i imagined that julia would take me back to where they take the cool patients and she’d offer me a fancy pants glass of champagne. and then she’d say “when’s the last time you flossed?” and i’d say “biiiitttchhh, you were there!” and we’d throw our heads back in white girl, cotillion hilarity and she’d throw forward her wrist like ‘oh, stop it’ and i’d take a sip and wink.
and because i knew it was probably important to her, i’d learn to floss and i’d do it more often. i just hoped she would never ask me to go to yoga with her.
my biggest fear is that i’m gonna meet the love of my life and then learn that they want me to eat their ass on the reg and i don’t know if i can do it
Memory is a poet, not a historian.