Renard Roux @unavolpe - Tumblr Blog

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ghostsofwinecellar-deactivated2

We lay here for years or for hours

Your hand in my hand

So still and discreet

So long we become the flowers

We'd feed well the land

And worry the sheep

And they'd find us in a week

When the cattle show fear

After the insects have made their claim

After the foxes have known our taste

I'd be home with you

your-quaint-little-categories

I am obsessed with the Hozier song In a Week. Obsessed. Because it is a beautiful, sweet ballad, about togetherness and love, and decomposing together. And being eaten by insects and foxes and buzzards. It's unhinged. It is objectively the weirdest fucking concept for a love song. And yet somehow it is gorgeous and I relate to it so hard. How the hell does that work? Who writes a love song about rotting corpses? Why is it so beautiful?

It makes no sense.

And I love it.

miss-americanbi

Just got reacquainted with “In A Week” by Hozier and Karen Cowley and that song makes me astral project.

It also makes me think about the “Hannibal” ending that exists in my mind that basically, instead of the fairytale fanfic ending where after Will and Hannibal fall off the cliff and run off on their Gay Little Adventures together, they both die.

Anyone who knows anything about cliffs, cold oceans, and knife/gun wounds knows that surviving a combination of all three is not really feasible. Death—as their finale—just fits them better.

That’s where “In A Week” comes in. Just imagine. Will and Hannibal holding each other when they hit the ocean, a fatal blow to the infamous Dr. Lecter and his monster. They wash up on a secluded shore holding each other, their wounds washed clean, like they could be sleeping.

And after the insects have made their claim and after the foxes have known their taste and after the raven has had its say, their bones lie together on that beach, impossible to know where one begins and the other one ends.

And Jack Crawford, on his hunt to find Will and Hannibal after they ran away, finds their entwined skeletons and even though it’s not inherently obvious, he knows it’s them. Jack is, of course, devastated; he blames himself for all that Will’s been through. But he’s not surprised.

Jack’s forced to confront the monstrous love he created. Like it or not, he pushed Will and Hannibal together. Those bones are clear evidence that over time, Will wasn’t corrupted by force, he embraced it.

Will’s absolute devotion to Hannibal and Hannibal’s to Will was literally carried to the grave. And Jack has to contend with such a love unsurpassable even in death for the rest of his life.

calm-down-sweetheart

Sabe, tô aqui com a minha checklist de sentimentos mais desconfortáveis e tão todos vindo de uma vez - saudade absurda de quem destruiu minha vida - falta de gente que na real nunca ligou pra mim mesmo - medo de perder quem restou me fazendo tão paranóica que tô quase agindo que nem uma vadia louca biscoitera que precisa de toda a atenção do mundo (e segurar isso tá demandando uma força absurda que eu não tô tendo) - alguém que me ajudou no meu pior momento precisou de mim e eu só consegui me afastar pq tava me fazendo mal. Ainda veio me pedir desculpas, mas eu não consigo mais, porém não sei como dizer pra ele não se afundar de novo em solidão - eu agora tô com a pessoa que mais me fez e faz bem, mas eu acabo todo dia chorando escondida em algum momento pq simplesmente não tá dando. Não sei diferenciar merda nenhuma e meu egocentrismo megalomaníaco achando que tudo é sobre mim não pode ouvir um "estou entediado" sem achar que a culpa é minha mesmo sabendo que não é - No fim eu sou sim uma interesseira do caralho, não consigo ouvir um "hoje melhor não" sem ter um mini surto chorando escondida pois "como assim fui rejeitada???" - Não consigo manter um único compromisso que seja fora de casa sem furar com todo mundo (ele tá triste e entediado pra caralho pq gosta muito de dar rolê fora e parou por minha culpa - por mais que ele negue) - Sou folgada pra caralho e tô simplesmente encostada recebendo tudo e mais um pouco de mãos beijadas sem fazer merda nenhuma em troca - Não consigo estabelecer uma conversa sem xingar os outros por rancor ou mágoa que cultivo - Não consigo parar de pensar que tudo que eu tenho agora foi arrancado à força de outra pessoa - Senhor, eu sozinha fiz minha mãe viver ao menos uns 14 anos de pura solidão e mesmo sabendo disso não consigo mudar - Eu daria o mundo inteiro pra conseguir voltar a sentir aquela leveza de quem não quer nada em troca, que acredita na bondade das pessoas e que a existência tem algum sentido - Aquele sentimento 20/10 que as merdas que me foram ditas são totalmente reais e ela tá bem melhor longe de mim do que eu dela - Vou ser coach de "como acabar com relacionamentos ao tentar aproximar-se mais da referida pessoa" Só com a psicoterapia não tá dando pra me tankar não

colorogasm

via Pinterest

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gahdamnpunk

ALL 👏🏾 OF 👏🏾 THEM 👏🏾

knitmeapony

This post goes harder than any post has ever gone before.

blurchur

First day of life up until 6th grade

Jumped all the way to Freshman year of High School

Then I cut my hair Junior year, why did I do that

Slowly it started growing back and then….

I finally felt comfortable to express myself (the picture on the left was my debut)

At this point in my transition I am 6 months into HRT

A year on HRT

Over a year and a half on hormones. My transition hasn’t been the clearest path but I am so happy that I am on it.

blurchur

Update:

2 years since my coming out

2 years on hrt

2.3 years on hrt

2 and a half years on hormones

blurchur

Its been a while since I’ve done an update so here it goes

At this point I am 3 years into my Hormone Replacement Therapy. I’m thriving.

These pictures were taken days apart and I am 3 and a half years into my medical transition (The picture on the right was also posted by Instagram on all their major social media handles attached with an interview I did with them for International Women’s Month)

During this time I was 4 years into HRT. Clearly living for it.

I am currently 4 and a half years into HRT, 5 years into socially transitioning, 6 years into when i first came out to my community around me and I’m loving life more than I ever thought I would.

blurchur

Lil mini update!! It’s my 5 years on hormones and I think that’s quite the milestone to be proud of so here’s some pics since the last update.