“It probably is,” Asher wasn’t afraid to say, a wide, almost impish grin tugged at his lips. “But you know what they say, drunk words are sober thoughts,” or something like that. To be honest Asher probably wasn’t in the state of mind to be dropping pearls of wisdom, especially not to the oldest friend he had, the point was that he felt comfortable enough to at least attempt to. “I get it though, the struggle of trying to figure out who you were, with who you are. I was there…” he sighed, continuing to pull undress, his pants and underwear quickly discarded just as the red head’s were. Even in this state, however, Asher made the very conscious effort to keep his eyes up, despite the allure River’s body provided.
When the question was posed to him, Asher fell silent again, taking a moment to consider it. “I guess the confidence was a mask,” he finally admitted. “Not that I was insecure or anything, not more than your average teenager growing up in Manhatten,” he chuckled. “You know how it is in that world though, right? The pressure to meet expectations, to be standard but still be extraordinary,” it hadn’t taken him long sink into the steaming pool. He almost let out a relaxed sigh as his muscles instantly succumbed to the soothing heat of the water. “At least that’s how it was with my mom. Honestly I felt like I was holding myself back more. Now, I can be unapologetically me.” Rich brown eyes focused curiously on River. “What about you? You always seemed like everything came so easily and naturally to you.”
As easy as it might have been to fall asleep and retire there for the night, Asher didn’t seem to mind the threat. There were definitely worse people to spend a night in a cave with. “What are you afraid of, RIv?” he smirked, splashing a handful of water playfully.
“Now you know why I stayed mostly sober at all your mum’s after parties.” Gods knew that any honest word from his mouth back then would have led to an awful mess. Within the inner circle or media. “She’d be so upset with me. That I couldn’t just relax and enjoy myself.” But River was certain she understood why as well. “’had to keep the boys in line.” Remained his excuse as he bowed his head slightly.
River felt Asher step in after him and he made an effort to give the other space. Not without failing to look back at him. Even in the dark, he could map out Asher’s form, and maybe it was that darkness that permitted River to drop his gaze for once. Otherwise, it would be the drink. He quickly pulled his gaze back where it belonged. Hopeful Asher hadn’t seen since he always wanted to be respectful of his friend. Pressure, expectations, River remained constricted by them, but Asher described it all in a way that truly suited their history.
He laughed to himself, marveling slightly, “Yeah. Yeah, that’s how it was for me.” River took a seat. Worried that the steam might enhance his inebriated state and cause him to tumble. His lips were drawn in a thin line as he listened, before forming into a gentle frown. It was a crime that Asher was made to feel that same way, but it seemed to be their true legacy. “I was worried over the stupidest shit back then. It felt like my younger brothers had way more freedom to create their own lives. Try something different. ... I was only open with one of my cousins, but even with him there were boundaries. Things you don’t say. Think.” Or feel.
“I’m almost thirty... and Demeter’s name is the only identity I truly have.” After a short pause, he let out a weak snort and shook his head again. “You at least did something before all of this. For yourself. Coming out, you know? Like... that’s huge.”
