fucking christ @underyourgazeitremble - Tumblr Blog

i am literally so fucking pathetic

i just dont know where i can write this shit

whenever i had my first blog it felt good to write shit on it

now im not sure

anytime i go to work on something productive i feel this weight settle in my chest and it wont let me do anything.

and i have to do something

i have to work on school stuff

im in college and i cant just not do it

and im supposed to be working on this project that i love and every time i think about it i want to fucking die

god I want to fucking die

i take my meds everyday

but i still can’t think straight

i still shake

i still want to die

god damn

i fight for other people because i can’t fight for myself

i thought i would feel better after making this blog

but i only feel like i’m rotting on the inside

but i guess that’s not any different from the rest of the time

how do i stop it

how do i stop the thoughts that plague my nightmares

the thoughts of wanting to die

of longing to die

the thoughts telling me that i’m better off dead even if there is nothing after

there is no promise of anything

but there is no pain if i am not here

i won’t have to see my chest

i won’t have to see myself

i won’t have to be here with me

𝕚𝕗 𝕚 𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕒𝕥 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙

𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕗 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖

𝕚𝕗 𝕚 𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜 𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕪 𝕡𝕤𝕪𝕔𝕙𝕖

𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘

𝕚𝕗 𝕚 𝕕𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕝 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕞𝕗𝕦𝕝 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕥 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙

𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕓𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕟𝕚𝕗𝕚𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥

fuck smoking cigarettes rip your fingers apart trying to get the nicotine under your nails like the rest of us, you fuck

i pick at the skin surrounding my nails

they are always bloodied and bruised

the cuts sting whenever i wash them

hot water can only soothe them for so long before i take them off

fucking christ