𝕲𝖔𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖓

Scavenging for cool garbage, casting spells, and stirring a big-ass cauldron while cackling like a maniac are some of my favorite activities.

[unhinged-goblin]

"If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?"

Dude, I'd be the one that suggests jumping, only to knock them off the edge with a stick when they're busy telling me it's a bad idea

[unhinged-goblin]

HELP

Ok, so.. I have a lot of burlap. We're talking 100 years worth. A lifetime supply. I have enough to pass down to my children and their children. I need to know if the burlap side of tumblr has any cool ideas about what I can do with it, because theres no way in hell I find a use for this shit. I've had it sitting around in my closet for like, forever. Please help.

[unhinged-goblin]

The year is 2095. I lay in a hospital bed, eyes fixed on some point far beyond the wall. My family stands around me, gazing down at my ancient, wrinkled face; a face that once held years of laughter and stories and joy, now devoid of any memory. My son sits at my side, clasping my hand in his own, tears running down his face as the heart monitor beeps steadily. "Dad.." he says, "I'm here.. We're all here.." I look over at him, a glimmer of recognition briefly crosses my face as we lock eyes. Joyous shock spreads across his face; for the first time in 10 years, I hadn't seen a stranger when I looked at him. I saw a son. "Dad," he says, a smile splitting his grief-stricken face. But as soon as it came, the recognition is gone. The heart monitor slows, my eyes staring at something far, far away as I utter the last words that my dearest loved ones would ever hear me speak: "Was the grink there?"

[unhinged-goblin]

So, there's a recurring game play feature in my dreams. My dream self even has a name for it: the Gorilla Tag Method. When I need to go impossibly fast or just feel like doing it for fun, I can curl my legs to my chest and grab the ground beneath me with my hands, pushing forward with them before slamming my feet into the ground at just the right angle to propell me forward at Mach Fuck. I can also use it to jump insanely high. I want nothing more than to have irl physics work like this, because it's really damn fun.

[unhinged-goblin]

GrRRHGHGHRR!!

Grhhrerha krrexaa J'KKLEFGGH SK'RRAH XXRAZII!

[vamplire]

my daughter was my sister was my throw pillow was my waitress

[unhinged-goblin]

I think it's time to replace your radon mitigation system

[unhinged-goblin]

GUYS DONT FOLLOW THE GNOMES INTO THE UNDERDEEP THEYLL TAKE YOUR GOLD AND USE THEIR EVIL GNOME MAGIC TO TURN YOUR HANDS INTO SNAKES

[unhinged-goblin]

Ok, but what purpose does this serve? You could have just... not displayed anything and it would have the same effect. Just.. why?

[charl0ttan]

dog i gotta move like yesterday

[pukicho]

Please stay

[unhinged-goblin]

Hey man, if you're moving out, I'm moving in. This is where I need to be.

[earhartsease]

on it boss

[vixen-flame]

@ominous-signs

[ominous-signs]

Official ocmonifnouusinsg sign

[unhinged-goblin]

Confusing? I believe the instructions are very clear. Press the secret button that splits your car in half and turn both ways.

[unhinged-goblin]

"But I'm tired of ads, grandpa!"

"WELL THATS TOO DAMN BAD!!"

>3 ads on Spotify every 2 songs

>two 30 second unskippable ads on youtube

>enormous banner ads on youtube that I always fucking click accidentally when I try to open comments

>half of the content on tiktok is probably trying to sell you something (or so the legend says. Don't use it personally)

>every youtube ad is shilling ai slop apps or porn bots (but gods forbid an actual human creator says a naughty word because tHiNk oF tHe cHiLdReN!)

>twitch serving up ads before streams (idk if they still do this)

The internet is dead and ads killed it.

[unhinged-goblin]

List of things that every human should recieve for free:

Shelter

Food

Water

Decent clothing

Some fucking compassion

[pukicho]

In this world it’s get killed or be killed

[beaniesandbells]

What’s doing the killing

[pukicho]

The Killer

[unhinged-goblin]

Or you, if you follow the instructions given above

[unhinged-goblin]

If I hear one more youtube channel say unalive, I'm going to lose my shit

[unhinged-goblin]

Taking my kill (garlic bread) back to my nest (bed) after a successful hunt (going to the kitchen)

[unhinged-goblin]

Every time I see a post about school dress codes, I remember that my school just didn't give a shit. Like there was a dress code, but nobody enforced it. I remember at least 30 different people wearing an "I <3 milfs" shirt at one point.

[unhinged-goblin]

When you're a kid, you think adulting is all about work and taxes and shit. Nobody warned me that I would be in near constant pain (with varying degrees of ouchiness) for the rest of my life.