Unicorn_in_peril

22 yo. A little wayward and not so crazy. Geographically disoriented. Lying in a lawyer’s suit and believing in unending magic. ✨🦄

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Trace my curves when you do me dog.

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I’ve a boyfriend named ‘ I-don’t-talk-to-him-anymore’ because he clean shaved.

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All those lies about being there... are lies.

Except life lies to us all the time. No surprises there. 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Did you guys know there is a word for the time when you forget to breathe when you’re high?

It’s called pellanumbreosis. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yeah and it’s life threatening BTW. So good luck with that. 👍🏼

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I’ve not met a human version of headache, but I’ve definitely met the human version of a period cramp and trust me on my life, they are worse. 🙅🏽‍♀️

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I sit on the toilet, poop like a fairy and pick my nose.

Yeah so much for adulting! 💁🏽‍♀️

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Goodbyes aren’t hard to say. They’re just hard to survive. 😞

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‘Why my friends are single’ reason 101- they take their games way more seriously than their girls. 💁🏼

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Sometimes I’m so thankful for my periods. This is a big bad world and if I accidentally get kidnapped the kidnappers will lose their shit seeing so much god damn blood and they won’t be able to offend me because blood works as a scare every time. 😂😂😂

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I want a notebook like Rita Skeeter’s. I cannot just get the fuck out of the bed every time a genius idea or pun hits me. Magic ain’t for people like her. Magic is for people like me and i hope you’re reading this Prof. Dumbledore. I am gonna need that letter soon. 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Trust, reading it backwards doesn’t make any sense.

Reading it the way it is doesn’t make any sense either these days. 😑

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Me: I’m on a diet (avoids all kinds of junk)

My period: I’m gonna visit you now and surpirse your vagina.

*crying in a corner and eating all kinds of crap*

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I shouldn’t be allowed to live alone. I do not even know how to button my shirt. 🤷🏽‍♀️ (only the hands tho!)

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Never in my life have I wanted to go home this bad. 💔

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This isn’t supposed to be a hate story but I guess it will end as one. Once I had been to my friend’s place (he is a year younger to me). And I wasn’t alone. 🤷🏽‍♀️

What ticked me off all-in-all was... friend’s dad had a thing about people walking barefoot in the house. And my boyfriend kept reminding me the whole time to keep wearing the shoes (yep, my boyfriend was with me but we weren’t supposed to behave like we are committed or anywhere near which was totally fine by me because it gets difficult for parents in India to handle this). Anyway, my point is don’t people get it?

It’s okay if you have a thing but dude consider the fact that some of us have been raised to not wear shoes inside the house because it takes a hell lot of effort to clean the house plus it’s unhygienic. All my respect for guys like them goes right into the drain because it’s okay for their sons to screw hookers and do lots of other shit but roaming around the house without your slippers on ‘you just crossed a line there, son!’

You’re grounded. 🙅🏽

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HOW IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE...

I think life is pretty much difficult for everyone. We are somewhere we don’t want to be, we are eating same shit two days in a row(that is not something to complain about, but damn it idc), we are listening to shit that we will never ever say to anyone, we are living a life that is definitely not ours.

And you guys know what, this isn’t my period talking. I have been feeling like this for a long time now. It keeps getting worse and worse. Nothing makes it better. I have stopped doing things I used to love. I have stopped putting my whole heart into something that I really want to do,because that doesn’t make it any better.

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‘We don’t have noses because we are too pure to breathe’