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[unleashtheriptide]

i’ve got ya. if i hurt ya, whack me. i promise to be careful.

[unleashtheriptide]

okay but my wife. 

she looked so amazing and her match? fuckin’ christ. 

gonna scoop ‘er up and get ‘er into a nice, hot bubble bath. no arguin’. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[cupcakesxgarganoescapes]

I feel dead.

[unleashtheriptide]

Sally was a perfect choice then. but let’s get you outta that get-up and get you settled. 

[unleashtheriptide]

okay but my wife. 

she looked so amazing and her match? fuckin’ christ. 

gonna scoop ‘er up and get ‘er into a nice, hot bubble bath. no arguin’. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[cupcakesxgarganoescapes]

for Demi’s birthday there was also a wily ferret son involved. 

dammit Kyle. 

[unleashtheriptide]

this is true. I heard “dammit Kyle” countless times that morning

[unleashtheriptide]

Happy birthday, @bodakmella. I might get smacked for this later since I didn’t ask permission first, but if you want good cake, I can totally get Candice to make you one. She’s pretty decent at it. 

[bodakmella]

I HEAR SHE IS THE MASTER BAKER (ehehehehe it sounds like masterbator) SO THAT’D BE WONDERFUL.

Thanks, babe!! <3

[unleashtheriptide]

She really is pretty hecking good at it. For my birthday, there was cake, cupcakes, and cookies. Do you have a preference? 

[unleashtheriptide]

Happy birthday, @bodakmella. I might get smacked for this later since I didn’t ask permission first, but if you want good cake, I can totally get Candice to make you one. She’s pretty decent at it. 

[unleashtheriptide]

My love, 

Happy birthday. 

My wife. My Disney princess. My queen. My jedi. My cupcake. My pixie. The better half of the odd couple. The one who keeps me sane. You are absolutely wonderful and I ask myself every day how on earth I’m this lucky. Why me? Ya turn me to mush in seconds. I am never not proud of you and everything you accomplish. You blow me away every day. You’re the only person that could ever get me to wear a Stitch Christmas jumper and those ears ya seem to enjoy so much. 

You make me happier than I ever thought possible- even though you and my mum seem set on embarrassing me with all those photos. The way your face lights up over the small things that make you happy… the way you love every member of our little farm… those sleepy smiles… the way you can just flop on me with a cupcake and turn my day around, no matter what’s been going on. Nightly cupcakes, even when ya dose me with ‘em.. Every little thing about you makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world. 

One of these days. I can promise you that. The moment we can, I’m taking you to Disney. We’ll do anything and everything. I’ll wear the matching outfit, the ears, anything you want. You deserve the entire world and I want to be the one to give it to you. 

Candice Dawson, I love you. Our little gang loves you. Forever, I mean it. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[harlitaquinnxo]

Why are y’all so fckn weird.

[unleashtheriptide]

She wore wings! And she growled!

[harlitaquinnxo]

Yea she’s an adorable murder pixie. I feel like a proud mom.

[unleashtheriptide]

She is! I’d say same, but not the mom bit. 

[murderessofthesky]

this doesn’t feel real. 

[unleashtheriptide]

Congratulations!

[harlitaquinnxo]

Why are y’all so fckn weird.

[unleashtheriptide]

She wore wings! And she growled!

[unleashtheriptide]

Okay, but my wife had wings tonight. And she managed to hide them from me... I like it, though. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[unleashtheriptide]

YOU’RE A REAL MATE, NEWELL. 

[unleashtheriptide]

Okay, but my wife had wings tonight. And she managed to hide them from me… I like it, though. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[nixontheshiniestwizard]

Can confirm. Literal growl. 

[unleashtheriptide]

AND YA DIDN’T RECORD IT IN ANY WAY?!

[sashabanks-moved]

[unleashtheriptide]

Okay, but my wife had wings tonight. And she managed to hide them from me… I like it, though. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[cupcakesxgarganoescapes]

…won’t confirm or deny, go ask someone else. 

[unleashtheriptide]

That is not very nice of you, ma’am

[unleashtheriptide]

Okay, but my wife had wings tonight. And she managed to hide them from me… I like it, though. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[cupcakesxgarganoescapes]

Oh no, honey. You had the whole locker room talking about how good you looked. I think I literally growled at one point like a dog to a bone. 

[unleashtheriptide]

Hold on... you growled? And I missed it? Christ, woman. 

[unleashtheriptide]

Okay, but my wife had wings tonight. And she managed to hide them from me… I like it, though. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[cupcakesxgarganoescapes]

You wanna talk about good looking let’s talk about that top. 

[unleashtheriptide]

You’re completely biased, though....

[unleashtheriptide]

Okay, but my wife had wings tonight. And she managed to hide them from me… I like it, though. @cupcakesxgarganoescapes

[cupcakesxgarganoescapes]

They were so hard to fit in my suitcase. 

But also you killed it tonight and I am so proud of you <3 

[unleashtheriptide]

Well, they looked really good on you. Like everything else. 

Thanks.